The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Golden Veil

Wanted to post this, as a follow-up of the Dark Veil, however, I haven't investigated the Golden Veil that much yet.

I guess that people could be born between the two veils, but sometimes cross the dark veil and become lost. If that's the case, then it would be quite difficult for them to even consider anything on the other side of the veil, including the golden veil. One would first need to penetrate the dark veil, and then gradually shift their consciousness towards the golden veil.

I've gotten the impression that the closer one gets to the golden veil, the more pleasure and happiness they would feel. They would start seeing more and more of the golden light that permeates everything and shines through matter. Material objects would seem like merely temporary facades, as if made of cardboard that has been manifested by the mind, and is empty of actual presence. Space itself would start to seem dimensionless, with large and small objects being no different.

Based on the former observations (which happen to be somewhat scattered across this blog), I would conclude that the golden veil / mist is related to manifesting matter or forming space (or space-time). Perhaps matter is simply interwoven vorticular patterns of the golden and dark mists?

As opposed to the dark mist, maybe the golden mist likes to stick together, pulling on anything that has had contact with it. At least when moving away from it, there seems to always be this longing that pulls back towards it even from beyond the dark veil.

Both veils can be seen with the mind's eye, maybe they're also directly visible, don't know. Similarly to how people who have penetrated the dark veil have difficulties living this life in this world, I got the impression that people who have penetrated the golden veil would have difficulties living in this world. Which is why I held my horses before deciding to penetrate the veil. It seems very easy to become attracted to either of these veils.

Lot of symbols

Had a dream full of new symbols last night.

Recently the dreams have become a bit more interesting. More levitation dreams again, some very bright and chill, some slightly gloomier. Psi-work has also become more interesting.

I started visualizing female energy and adding it to the mix. Hadn't done that for years. It makes it easier to be calm and it provides a significant improvement in the sharpness of focus as well. Many of the blockages within the body can only be resolved with a balance of both. I'm not sure if I have it correct (yin or female is supposed to be dark and cold and yang or male the opposite) but I've referred to it differently.

On Monday I surprised myself and others around me with my sharpness of focus. Yesterday I noticed that whenever I stepped in the leaves, leaves blew away from me. It looked as if a gust of wind was produced by my foot as I stepped. Right when I started wondering about it, the phenomena disappeared.

I've been feeling quite tired, though. Concentration and blockages, perhaps? And lack of meditation.

Dream: Dangerous grounds

I was flying around with two other people. I was the one providing lift, whereas the others fulfilled the jobs of eyes and brains.

We wanted to reach a boat smith while touching the ground as little as possible. Within the dream, all surfaces oozed of a slightly ominous aura and when looking at surfaces, they crawled with bugs and worms. Harmless but still not very inviting. The dream ended when we circled around and landed at the boat smith.

Dream: Those symbols, man

Me, aunt and mom were in the kitchen. I looked out of the window and saw lady on a horse hopping from roof to roof. She hopped onto our roof and disappeared, probably from the other side of the building.

I pointed it out so that aunt and mom wouldn't miss it. Even though it caused the building to vibrate or shake a little, they wouldn't have noticed because it was not meant for them. Even the shaking was a manifestation of my mind. I found it interesting that I pointed at the roof on level with our floor and said it was our roof, whereas the roof on top of us was not ours. Dream logic FTW.

Left to the other side of the building, looking for horse foot prints on my balcony. However, while I was on my way there, I came across an animated stuffed animal that was trying to climb onto a chair. I referred to it as a bull but it looked more like a stuffed bear or somesuch. With a "WTF" expression, I helped it onto the chair and it told me telepathically that it's all a manifestation of my own mind. I wanted to tell someone about what I had just seen - an animated stuffed animal, but there was nobody there.

Continued towards the balcony. Tried to find my camera to gather evidence of these strange phenomena. It took a lot of time and eventually I still failed to find it. Went onto the balcony, which transformed into the floor of a medium-sized hall. Left by flying through the wall. Behind the building, there was a nice small patch of greenery.

Hmm .. there was something about sister as well, but I forgot.

First time symbols: horse, animated stuffed animal.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Dark Veil

Today morning I pondered about the feelings of loneliness, sadness, separation and what causes these. Obviously these feelings arise from an illusion, a bitter-sweet illusion. Though, it occurred to me that this illusion is caused by the dark veil.

Based on this, the dark veil (dark blue haze) might have the following fundamental properties: it absorbs and isolates (disintegrates).

It fits rather well with my astral travel / out-of-body experiences. The dark veil can be used to cut space-time, making it possible to be partially in one realm and partially in another. Or perhaps the dark veil is simply the lack of space-time in the first place?

In general this seems to fit well with the guides and stories from Steve Richards' book on invisibility. I think that the main method was wrapping oneself in the dark veil, which would then grant invisibility.

I suspect that presence is only really presence if it's bidirectional - one is aware of others, and others are aware of the one. That is, presence is based on empathy. Now if one isolates themselves from the surroundings with the help of this dark veil, their presence is diminished. It would seem as if the dark veil is absorbing or eating away the energy of the person. So, probably a good anchor would be needed to circumvent this.

Ever noticed how depending on emotions, everything seems brighter or darker? Perhaps we experience this veil differently on the different astral layers of our bodies? On one layer it looks like loneliness, sadness, depression, whereas on another layer it just looks like a dark cloud or mist?

What if people struggling with depression are simply overwhelmed by the veil?

I've also thought that perhaps magicians love to mimick the dark veil with black cloth in their tricks where they cut people in half, make them disappear and so on.

All in all, the dark veil is a powerful tool if it's used with care.

Monday, October 8, 2018

Ego splash

Although I passed the exam with the highest grade, in my eyes it was a failure. While the written exam went alright (I've sat through a lot of written exams), I became way too nervous for the oral exam that followed right after. Very embarrassing and although I felt sorry for my existence for the rest of the week, I learned a lot about my psychology (and a bit of physics as well). I'm thankful for the lesson.

I did not meditate nor sleep enough before the exam. However, I relaxed too much .. which caused a wet dream, which in turn caused me to catch a little cold together with some sleep deprivation. Not the perfect combination for an exam. The wet dream caught me off-guard, I was so tired that it happened in the deep sleep state without even seeing any sexy integrals.

Amazing how everything around me reorganized in such a way that I could take the time and study. It's also amazing how two seemingly mutually exclusive outcomes were manifested. The universe works in mysterious ways, and the mystery sure is way beyond the physics nowadays. I have a lot to learn about physics as well as about the way that the universe works.

Finally got 1.5 d of vacation on Saaremaa. Fixed a couple of computer issues for aunt, helped with installing a pump and helped to plant bushes.

Yesterday uncle got 50 and he encouraged me to follow my ambitions. Today a NASA astronaut visited us at work and gave a very inspiring speech about on following one's ambitions.

Unrelated, except for symbolics. Had to reconfigure the networking of my RPi today evening but I only had a display and a mouse. Apparently Raspbian doesn't come with a virtual keyboard. Stopped whining, reconfigured networking and then installed the matchbox-keyboard. All by copy-pasting together commands from letters which I could find from different files on the system. Such a small thing but it felt at least as good as jumping into puddles (couldn't resist during my 1.5 d vacation).

Monday, September 24, 2018


Enjoyed some heavy derivations again, until I either had to eat or the brain started smoking. Good concentration practice, especially with the cat meowing all around, sometimes poking the pages of the book, sometimes chewing on the book, sometimes chewing my hand, etc.

Reading the book now gets my mind blank and makes me feel quite floaty. <- dude gets high just on reading a physics book. Shit's ridiculous.

Anyway, had a dream where I was in a shack right in the middle of a field, with no walls and barely anything for a roof. Took a short break and stowed my laptop somewhere in the shack. I knew that the shack wouldn't withstand rain, nor would the laptop .. but for some reason I did it anyway. Went into some building where I needed the laptop but it had started raining.

Realized that laptop or any kind of computer = calculator (rational mind). With all these days full of joy from derivatives, integrals and math tricks, the dream symbology can't be more obvious. It indicated that I needed to take more care of bodily needs while at it. Bought some fruits and different peanuts. Probably had a lack of minerals.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Orb avoiding obstacles

I suspect that when I was seeing blue flashes in the dark, it might've been due to having glanced at the bright red LED of the projector clock. That's because I haven't used the projector clock for months and I haven't seen the blue flashes anymore.

However, there's another phenomena that I haven't quite figured out yet. Yesterday had a visiting journalist who was making interviews. Suddenly I saw a bright golden orb float near the wall of the room. It floated past one table, at which point I moved my eyes away (so that I could no longer see it) and back. I still saw it but by that time, it had almost gone past the other table next to the previous one. It continued moving in the same direction, until it got to the rectangular pillar-like thing with sockets for electricity and ethernet cables (how's it called?). Then the orb actually curved around the pillar and continued in the same direction, just along the wall. I confirmed that I could see it with both of my eyes, first with one, then with the other (it's only visible in quite narrow viewing angles). While it's otherwise nearly impossible to estimate the size of these things or their distance, I find it amazing that they would react to objects in the room.

There's one thing about these orbs that makes me feel a bit uneasy. When looking at them, it feels as if it's emitting a lot of radiation of some sort. It feels almost like looking at a welding arc without protection .. at a distance, of course. But additionally, when I once saw one of these orbs fly past my head on my left, I felt some kind of radiation on the left side of my head .. through the skull and through the brain. Even though fun to look at, these things might not be all that healthy.

So far I haven't had anyone else telling me about these, so I suspect they probably don't see it. Well, it is a somewhat rare sight and only visible from quite limited angles.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Power tale

Recently I've been practising concentration in a slightly different way. A book reading marathon. A somewhat thick book full of derivations, for PhD and stuff. After a day of reading and deriving, I've typically played a bit of Stalker (which has probably influenced some of my dreams).

Another factor that has probably influenced the dreams is a serious ego-slap that I had on Friday. Need quite a bit of meditation to cope.

Had an interesting dream last night, but since it was one of the first dreams, I don't remember too much about it anymore.

Dream: Power tale of an old shaman

Somehow my dead uncle popped into mind. He wasn't there directly, but the dream reminded me of his work with the local folklore. In the dream I was told a story of a powerful shaman hundreds of years ago. Throughout the dream, I could feel his power throughout the narrative. By the end of the dream, I think I met him just before he left this world, flying away.

Throughout the dream there was some guy doing the narration, and then I think the omnipresent shaman was always observing the whole thing. The narrator cited the shaman on everything being created by the mind. Or rather, it was the omnipresent shaman saying it instead of the narrator. Anyway, he did not mean the rational mind which is obvious. I was curious if there was any relation at all between the rational and the non-rational mind because I've often heard that the rational mind often tends to hamper spiritual progress. The answer was that the two are not mutually exclusive, and often develop together. As an example, I was shown that the shaman had derived most of physics and chemistry on a whim. Back then the formalism was not yet established, which made his scriptures very difficult to interpret. I was shown an old man who was trying to make sense of the scriptures. The man was puzzled at the shaman's periodic table of elements which contained descriptions of elements that were not yet known at that time.

Dream: Catwees

Two identical cats and for some reason they kept pissing on corners in the apartment. Throughout the dream I carried the cats to some place where they were supposed to relieve themselves. Except that there was no dedicated place for that.