The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Tower of golden beams of light

Yesterday evening sister came home and made me a gift - a Kyanite crystal. Cool, I haven't thought much of crystals before. Remembered that I even have a book about crystals that I haven't read. Thought of putting it somewhere safe so that the cat wouldn't play with it but it seemed that's not the way crystals are meant to be treated. I want to practice pk on it sometime.

Last night there was a pull out of body. Experienced interesting hypnagogic imagery, but forgot many of them by the morning.

MiniDream: Golden beams of light

A tall tower (I think) with people that had a thick beam of golden light going up from their heads (from the crown region). Couldn't see the tower - everything was pitch black except the people and their beams of light. There was an upward pull towards infinity where I think the beams of light merged (seemed parallel). Realized something about zero-point while writing this down.

MiniDream: Grandma

In one of the short hypnagogic experiences, I visited grandma (the other one). Uhm .. that's about all I remember.

Cleanup in dreams

For the past few days, I have seen a lot of dreams about cleaning up or renovating old buildings or rather, having the old buildings renovated.


Related to the post about bullying the cat and learning minor telepathy thanks to that.

Took a bus home from work the next day. Bought a ticket, thanked the bus driver, then turned around to .. a decent girl in summer clothes, trying to cool down .. find a seat. The girl had probably been running to catch the bus at the previous stop. A few seat rows back, there was a perv ::cough:: man.

Anyway, sat down, started listening to music and observed the mind of the man sitting in the next row. So obvious that I shook my head and sighed. Found the behaviour of the man slightly upsetting. Especially his presumptuousness, he did not even try to act normal, and stared back at the girl not once but gave three long stares back at the girl after walking to the front in order to leave the bus.

For me, the situation became comical when I pictured myself observe me observe that man stare the girl. Me shaking my head and sighing at me letting myself be entertained by the conspiracy subreddit, spotify and some random dude mindlessly staring at a girl.

Beauty needs sacrifice

Pff, no way I'm wearing a suit, those classical outfits are so uncomfortable, expensive and pointless .. hmm, maybe perfect for demonstratively cleaning a cow stall? <-- me, typically

Grandparents had a wedding anniversary on Sunday. So, on Friday I opened the closet and realized that all the suits and vests are too old, too small, the shirts wrinkled and stuff. Shrugged and packed two shirts. At least the pants look polite enough, and the shoes are smart casual.

Nice, an actual winter with snow, though a bit late, no? Anyway, a spaceous hall with large metal-framed glass windows, thin brick walls that let cold drafts through. There was an awesome view to the sea, too. And it just so happened that it was a stormy day. My seat had been reserved at the window.

I'm not a dancer, nor was there anyone I would've been overly excited to dance with. Mostly elderly people and then other family members. So I just sat there for over 6 hours, grasping for straws that might help me heat myself with my awsum mind powaz (that conveniently did not seem to exist that day). Focusing on candle flames, all sorts of visualizations of bonfires, sun, nuclear reactors, etc. helped a little but only for a very limited amount of time. Controlled my eating, sugar consumption and water drinking very carefully, in order to optimize it for maximum heat production.

Pretty much everyone else had warm suits, while I "had reserved mine for cleaning a cow stall .. LoL." The last 45 minutes were the most difficult for me, as the body started shaking and I tried to hide it. The event was definitely a very interesting experience. Perhaps also an inspiration for tummo practice. And maybe for buying a suit to become just a bit less of a barbarian.

A bit of shivering in the car and everything was okay. Until I took the bus home. Watched a movie and when it ended, the body cranked up its heat so that it was way too hot in the bus. An hour of sweating in the bus and then got to enjoy a 3.2 km walk home through the cool air again.


Watched Sully while on the way to Tallinn, and Ghost In The Shell on the way back. Both were really inspiring. I think colleagues and/or friends had recommended both of them some time ago.

Trailer for Sully (2016)

Trailer for Ghost In The Shell (2017)

Monday, January 8, 2018

Taming one's mind

One morning not a very long time ago, I woke up to the ruckus that the cat was making in the living room at 6 AM. Sister was sleeping on the couch there, because Mom was in for a visit and sister had given her her room.

The cat was basically "Neow, did not wake up. ::Purr-hop::3 Gotta chew more on these things ::Purr-nom-nom-nom::" Sister: "Go away from the router antennas and cables!" The cat did not care that sister had gone to bed at 4 AM or whatever, and was not particularly interested in entertaining the cat.

Took the cat and locked it into my room. Each time that the cat tried to open the door (by pushing down the handle, of course), I took the cat and sat on the edge of the bed. Tried to tame the cat by hugging it for as long as I could, without it escaping.

This reminded me of a story that aunt read to me when I was little. While I've forgotten the details of the story, it went something like this: an old buddhist monk had taken a solitary retreat to meditate somewhere in the mountains. There was not a soul in the mountains, except that each time he went to take water or wash clothes, he saw an ox in the distance, looking back at him. If he tried to approach the ox, then it started keeping more distance. If he ignored the ox, then it came closer. The monk started to wonder about the ox and its purpose. As he meditated on the ox and its purpose one day, he realized the purpose of the ox and became enlightened.

For me, the story was about taming the ox, which represented the monk's mind. On the day that I was attempting to tame the cat, the cat represented my mind.

Previously me and sister had believed that it's impossible to tame the cat. I mean, we've tried it so many times but it takes everything as a game. The cat is more-or-less convinced that we are its pawns. That day I decided to prove myself and sister wrong. While bullying the cat, I tried to connect to it telepathically and explain the situation: "You did not let sister sleep. Now you will only get out when she wakes up and opens the door." It actually seemed that the cat understood it. Though, came up with an excuse "But, but, I gotta pee." Me: "Nope, you'll need to hold it until she wakes up." Some time later the cat actually had to visit the bathroom, but soon sister opened the door as well.

After bullying the cat for ~2 hours with telepathic suggestion (to feel sorry for not letting sister sleep), it was still pissed at me and worried about sister for about an hour. Noticed that the cat was still in that state (could easily be seen from its eyes), formed a telepathic connection again and altered the emotion. The feedback was immediate - the cat suddenly became happy, hopped around and wanted to play with me. I was amazed at how little emotional resistance and inertia the cat has.

Did not manage to tame the cat, but learned other things. The bond with the cat was stronger than ever.

Picking my own pockets

Bought some bitcoins and peercoins 3.5 years ago. The price had increased more than 10x and I thought it's about time to sell the bitcoins and distribute to other cryptocurrencies. Especially since bitcoin has become very volatile and the bubble is probably going to burst in 2018. Good idea, but .. back then I encrypted all the wallets and purposefully did not write down the passwords. Or rather, I did write down passwords but made sure that all of the written passwords were a distraction. Forgot the passwords soon enough. On the positive side, they were safe =). Tried meditating on it a few times every year, hoping that I would remember the passwords. It happened several times that I remembered a password and thought it's the correct one. Tried, but to no avail. Had basically given up on it - a pretty small sum anyway. Ended up with a dictionary file with all the passwords that I had tried.
Explored the wallet formats a bit, downloaded a more recent version of hashcat, installed the OpenCL drivers for CPU and tried the dictionary. It took less than a second to force the bitcoin wallet because I had actually guessed the password with one of my meditation sessions but I had accidentally tested it against the peercoin wallet, which didn't work, obviously. I remembered that my bitcoin wallet password was the more complex one, and that I didn't even bother memorizing the peercoin password. Ironically, the peercoin wallet was so simple that I wouldn't have even tried it. JackTheRipper, princeprocessor and hashcat helped to crack it in about 10 minutes.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018


At 21:01, I received an SMS from an unknown number: 'N'
So, at 22:28 I responded with another SMS: 'M'

Pretty random, I guess.


About a week ago, I managed to raise a blob of psi higher up the spine again.

Left shoulder ached yesterday, perhaps due to suddenly doing some physical exercise the past few days. Stretched, practised some pranayama, tried to meditate briefly, and went to bed early.


In the hypnagogic state I saw images of random people, and then suddenly a somewhat more disturbing image popped up. A circular image with a white pillar in the middle, and blood flowing around it (while thinking back on the image today, I associated it with bone marrow). Wondered about it, and experienced a shift of focus onto a point on the top of the head. Shrugged and fell into deep sleep (contains less rational logic and is typically more difficult to remember).

A guide (I think) was following me in the dream. A formless passive presence always on my left. It was a warm and rainy day. We flew around some old buildings, large rocks and a sinkhole in field of sand. Something was out of place but couldn't really figure out what it was and how to fix it. The ground was abnormally hot, causing the water at the bottom of the sinkhole to evaporate.

Lacking ideas on how to fix it, I just left it the way it was. Eventually decided to take a portal to a training ground. Although the sinkhole had become dry, the wood and grass on the training grounds were still wet from rain. Landed onto a wooden plank, and felt as if there was an electric current going through my feet. Flew around and touched other training installations, all of them caused the uncomfortable feeling of current running through me.

Had two ideas of what might cause such an anomaly:
  1. There was a nest of wasps behind one of the old buildings. A while ago I was chased by the wasps there (reference to another dream maybe a month ago). Perhaps they've eaten through the wall and gotten inside? That might cause a similar feeling.
  2. Electrical discharge did not seem logical because I thought I had heat without water (even the sinkhole dried up, right?). For electricity, both fire and water are needed. (non-physical elements, probably)
Took a portal back to an old building that I hadn't visited for a while. Scared of all the old places, who knows what I might find (and awaken) in there. Opened the wooden door. The building has a broken roof, and the rain just pours through all the way to the floor. The wooden floor was soaked and looked black (just like all the walls and the ceiling), with some reflections of the light through the windows on my right. My first reaction was: will it even support my weight? Then realized that in this environment, it does not matter how much weather it has to endure, it never crumbles. Stepped in. I think I saw the stairs leading into the cellar as well (behind the corner on my left) before suddenly waking up.

Undream, again

Woke, covered in sweat, with a lot of heat being produced at the navel. Like flames, the heat propagated up the body and burned some old karmic traces. The pain in the left shoulder, for example, had pretty much vanished.

All the other dreams were exceptionally vivid and had a reasonable amount of logic (unlike the one described in this post).