tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76896260860202752962024-03-06T04:30:08.890+02:00Da WeirdTrying to figure out how the universe works by experimenting with the weird..Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.comBlogger1760125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-28388918424816845252023-09-18T08:15:00.004+03:002023-09-18T08:32:44.205+03:00Ancient device but radioactive<p>Finished watching Blood-C (a rather messed up anime but imho exceptionally well made) last night, then had a weird dream which seemed unrelated.</p><p>At some point in the dream I was aware of being in 3 places at once. On one hand I was at the summerhouse and worried that I had left the cat alone throughout the weekend. On the other hand I was at home right next to the cat. Thirdly, I was at someplace foreign.<br /></p><p>I had joined a group of friends to a meeting at someone else's place. One of them had brought along a guy who was into ancient technology. He took out a couple of plates and placed them on the table. He then explained the sequence of how it was used. The gray / silver plate was to be put on the table first, and then a red / ruby plate on top. The red plate would start spinning slowly. After a bit, the red plate would be taken off and put back. After that, the red plate would start spinning faster and faster, until eventually it would supposedly lift off the base plate and do something good / which makes people feel good. He said it had been really difficult to locate this thing. I think my sister was also there, she touched the red plate, placed it on the gray plate, the red plate started spinning, she took the red plate off and it dropped to the floor. The plate did not break, for I think it was more metallic than ceramic.<br /></p><p>For me the whole demonstration and how casually the guy handled these things raised a few alarm bells and I wanted to check if the plates were radioactive. Somehow in that dream my phone had a Geiger counter app (doesn't make any sense now that I think about it) but I wasn't sure whether it measured actual values or just showed random numbers. Also, my phone crashed on my attempts. Anyway, got it working eventually and confirmed my suspicions that these plates really should not be handled without proper care, and definitely not brought to a random friends get-together where most of them wouldn't even know the dangers. I tried to locate the guy who had brought the plates but he was missing. I felt uneasy about me and others having been so close to the plates and that they were still there on the table. After a bit, I called the emergency line and told them about the situation. Soon a group of people showed up to take a look at these plates. While they were supposed to have been professionals, one of them touched one of the plates without any protection. Another one from that group told him not to, and then pointed his Geiger counter at it. I could not hear any clicks, nor did I get to see the display. So, I asked him how much it was, and he casually said that it should definitely be handled with care but to me it seemed that he wasn't overly worried about the radiation exposure.</p><p>Anyway, the people were evacuated and the group of guys (specialists?) left for a moment. In the meantime the guy who had brought the plates returned. He looked much younger. While I tried to tell him to take the plates before the group has returned (if he cares about the plates), he just ignored me and went back up there. The group followed him right after. I thought I followed the people who were evacuated but lost my way. I took some stairs up to some place and found that it looked like a dead-end. As I looked around, I saw the guy with the plates climbing a ladder which took him higher.</p><p>Sometime later a girl came and told / showed me something more about the guy with the plates. She told me that he had trained properly to handle these things. I saw a clip of the guy trying to exercise while shivering in pain. He had lost his eyes which had burned into charcoal. Even more weird, she told me that my aunt had liked the guy. I was shown a clip with aunt's voice in the background, and the guy and a dog in the foreground, in a shallow stream. I thought I recognized the dog but as I looked closer, I realized that I did not. The dog looked like a reincarnation of a sad girl.</p><p>All in all, a very weird dream. On one hand it shows to me that I have changed - the old me would have just observed the situation and would not have tested the plates nor called the emergency line. However, I'm not entirely convinced that it was a good idea to do so, for I may have overreacted and stirred up more trouble than necessary. Especially with the rational thinking in a dream where things are not supposed to be making any sense.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-56274708007696966102023-05-25T21:04:00.002+03:002023-05-25T21:04:26.296+03:00Strawberries<p>Recently I've been rather tired due to the accumulated unsleep and a bit of internal distress. The distress had appeared with vibrations in the lower chakras and a bit of anxiety. After a bit of venting, the distress faded, the vibrations ascended upward and some heat was released.</p><p>Hmm .. apparently I never posted about it, but it was maybe a couple of months ago that I skipped yoga because of panic attacks three days in a row. Experienced sharp pains in different parts of the body, together with an intense upward flow of energy, waves of heat and buzzing. As usual at times like these, I kept seeing golden concentric rings shrinking in front of my eyes. It was difficult to think straight and I couldn't sleep due to the intensity. The dizziness and sudden feelings of nausea and being disoriented stayed until recently. Sometimes it still occurs when I get more tired, but I haven't really felt like falling over anymore. I used to think that Kundalini stuff was more of a male thing, but apparently it also occurs to women. A friend also had a similar experience a couple of weeks ago.<br /></p><p>Took a nap yesterday but kept myself afloat between the waters of consciousness and unconsciousness. Ate and slept after the cat woke me. Decided to go to the office today, despite the fact that I had marked the day as remote work. Felt like watering the plants at the garden after work.</p><p>By the end of the workday, aunt-in-law had messaged that someone was selling sprouts at the parking lot next to the garden. Good opportunity, for mom had wanted cucumbers and tomatoes. There were no cucumbers but bought some tomatoes and ... strawberries caught my attention. There weren't many of them left but none had been planned on mom's map of the garden. I decided that it was extra effort and I already had an infinite amount of extra work for each day anyway.<br /></p><p>Just after I had put aside my tomatoes, aunt-in-law called, "I'm feeling too tired to come today, hopefully they still have some tomatoes left tomorrow. Oh, do they have strawberries?" So, still bought strawberries, too, after all.</p><p>Found a Deilephila elpenor on the field .. and a lot of mosquitoes, obviously.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-63573650028025162312023-03-13T08:46:00.001+02:002023-03-13T08:46:16.609+02:00Knife<p>Took a butter knife and heard something fall against the sink and then to the floor. Looked back and one of the sharp knives had fallen into the floor where my foot had been just a moment ago. The tip of the knife was still slightly stuck in the laminate.<br /></p><p>And I had been thinking whether or not to take a sharper knife right away, too .. for the cheese.</p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-57778179864306901822023-03-08T21:18:00.002+02:002023-03-08T21:21:21.958+02:00Mildly haunty hotel room<p></p><p>Me and my colleague reached Denmark and got our hotel rooms. My colleague got a room just across the elevator, whereas I ended up at the last room (224) at the end of a maze.</p><p>The first time I entered the room, closed the door behind me and glanced around the room,<br />I heard a clank from one of the windows. All windows were closed but one of the windows had hooks for keeping the windows open. I think one of the hooks must have jumped or something, which made the sound.</p><p>As I worked a bit on my laptop, it felt as if someone were observing me.<br />By the end of the day the feeling faded and it felt as if I might get along with whatever or whoever might have been there. I was not very worried because usually I've gotten along with non-physical entities. However, the feeling of presence came back at night and I kept having nightmares. Moreover, what I found mildly weird was how I would feel itching at random places (including inside the mouth) throughout the night. I guess the itching in the mouth like that was the most weird thing I've woken up to. Since I had taken the shower before bed, at first I wondered if there might have been something in the water or shower gel which made my skin itch like that.<br /></p><p>The dreams were mostly about a group of people who tried all sorts of means to attack my house which was just across the inner yard. As nothing seemed to be working, they started upgrading their house. They built a fortress with tracks for moving cannons around and what not. I looked at it, a bit puzzled and a bit concerned. At first I had just tried my best to ignore whatever they were doing there, but eventually I returned an attack of theirs and to my surprise, the guy who attacked, died. The dream ended on a sad note.</p><p>I got annoyed of the whole thing, checked the clock (it was a couple of hours before the morning alarm), and decided to try and hug the entity and make up with them. After some hugging, I wondered if there might've been something which they had been wanting to show or tell me. So I lowered the shields and listened. Bam, half of my head started ringing and they found a memory of the living room at home. Not very cooperative after all, I thought, and just cleansed the room with energy.</p><p>There were no problems since then. No more presences, no more feeling observed, and finally proper sleep.<br /><br />Quite mild but still the most haunty I've encountered, thus far.</p><p>Colleague had to remove the painting on the wall in her room because it creeped her out. In my room the painting was not that bad, but still a bit psycho.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Blizzard</h4><p style="text-align: left;">Also somewhat interesting .. the next day after our arrival there was a heavy snowfall which culminated with very strong winds and hail by the evening. I think as we went out of town, the snowfall followed us there, and as we returned to Copenhagen, the snowfall returned there. Locals said it was very rare for the weather to behave like that.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-4627285458471200382023-03-05T22:32:00.001+02:002023-03-05T22:32:09.474+02:00Electricity glitches<p>Somehow there have been a lot of electricity glitches today. All of them so brief that the UPSes simply click without beeping, that the lights flicker and fridge stutters. Today this has happened for maybe 20 times or something? I don't recall it happening this frequently before.</p><p>Any-yay, will travel tomorrow and see whether the issues travel with me.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-52949492038847676192023-03-05T08:14:00.003+02:002023-03-05T08:14:50.059+02:00Busy times<p>The times are still rather busy and it's difficult to keep everything in mind and keep track of things. Last week I agreed to a presentation for a group of school teachers but I forgot that I was expected to confirm the date, time, and provide the title.</p><p>Yesterday at some point I felt like doing nothing, so I browsed a local newspaper online. There was an article about air quality, which, apparently had been written by the same professor who had asked for the presentation. Had I not stumbled on that article, I would not have remembered to search and reply to that e-mail, either. =/<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-74688789292392250952023-03-05T08:05:00.005+02:002023-03-05T08:05:52.580+02:00Dream: Fall phasing<p>Last night I had a dream where I became self-aware in a tall building. Looking out of the window, I saw another tall building next to it. While I was not on the top floor, it was still fairly high up. It was a large room with multiple windows and a concrete floor. Judging by the architecture, it seemed soviet but much more modern.</p><p>I had to get to lower floors and decided to phase through the floor and become solid again before reaching the floor below. This was something which I had not tried before. As everything seemed so vivid, I was afraid of getting hurt and hesitated a bit. Eventually I phased through the floor and fell on a cloud-like structure with a wooden frame, hanging from the ceiling on the floor below. Took a moment to overcome the fear again, and descended further, floor by floor. Ended up in all sorts of different rooms and some of them had people who saw me land through their ceiling and were a bit shocked by that.</p><p>Towards the end of the dream I also flew around a bit but that I'm more used to.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-49985503335771264632023-02-12T22:01:00.006+02:002023-02-12T22:33:43.875+02:00The Sin<p>Dear Diary,</p><p>Today I sinned.</p><p>For a while, I had been having a thought which I tried not to finish. Eventually I decided to let the thought finish without cutting it off all the time. The moment it was born, I felt a significant change in energy and saw a shadow dart across the road from my left to my right. It seemed as if the shadow had tried to get the energy, and once it finally got it, it fled with it.</p><p>I hope that the damage which I did with it, can somehow be reversed or healed.</p><p>Edit: Also worth noting that I had watched xxxHOLiC episode 14 recently. This was about waves, and the power of words.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-89925065615159268712023-02-12T09:34:00.003+02:002023-02-12T09:34:52.518+02:00A summary<p>Just a summary of recent observations.</p><p>Sometimes while laying down onto the bed with my eyes closed, I've noticed a white glow around the pillow. One night I removed the pillow and laid down on my back, instead, but the white glow was still there. So, the glow lingers.</p><p>I think it might've been on Tuesday or Wednesday morning that the sky was cloudy but I saw the light shining through everything. The light was not yellow nor golden but orange.</p><p>Last week I read Tarot cards for myself, and it indicated a lot of self-issues in love-life. Also, just as I picked up the Tarot deck before the reading, I suddenly had a strong tingling in both legs up to knees. Anyway, since that reading I had been feeling distant and struggled with letting go.<br /></p><p>Yesterday a cousin came for a visit, and somehow the timing of everything was perfect regardless of the fact that I did not know any of it beforehand.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-79430132721352353342023-02-03T23:09:00.003+02:002023-02-03T23:09:50.028+02:00Drained<p>The rising of energy happened for a few consecutive days and nights. By now it has subsided and I feel drained. A bit of inspiring news and listening to music has helped, though.<br /></p><p>During a call on Tuesday, the connection dropped a couple of times, and lights flickered a lot, at times. The flickers were short and the UPSes were not triggered.</p><p>I think it might've been on Thursday that I tried to blow-dry my hair but realized that usually I switch on the heating slightly before the fan. I thought I should've done it the other way around, for improved safety. It was then that I noticed that the heater did not switch on even though I had flicked the switch. I tried again but it still didn't. After switching off both the heater and the fan and switching them both on again did it start working again. Sighed at the power of a mere stray thought.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-53201926258341208052023-01-30T08:42:00.004+02:002023-01-30T08:42:46.684+02:00The left fireplace<p>Had an unannounced busy weekend with a visit to grandparents. At some point in the morning there was a smell of something burning. Later it turned out that it was coming from the chimney, as the hatch was open. Nobody had been using the chimney for a great many years, so we were surprised. After coming back home, yesterday evening I was feeling a bit down over my lack of dating skills and had difficulties falling asleep. I tried relaxing the body and found a new way of doing that.</p><p>I visualized a laser from the root chakra to regions within the body. The laser would heat up the body parts and release tension / stress as it illuminates them. This worked surprisingly well.</p><p>Though, soon after, I started getting waves of heat going up the body but mostly on the left side of the body. Additionally, I was seeing yellow or golden rings shrinking in front of my closed eyes. This was while I was laying in the bed on my right side. As I rolled over, the heat waves were still on the left side but I stopped seeing the rings of light. The waves of heat came from the feet up to the throat chakra but rarely beyond it. In the regions washed over by the waves of heat, it felt calm, soothing and a bit blissful. I was sweating a lot.</p><p>Today morning I'm feeling increased energy density in and just above the head.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-812886312370900392023-01-23T21:05:00.001+02:002023-01-23T21:05:26.622+02:00Chest<p>Recently there has been quite a bit of work stress, so I've been practising relaxation with focus on the chest.</p><p>At first there was a lot of tension and sadness at the heart. As this was released, then lungs and the chest were next. Dedicated most of the weekend for that but there's still pain being released from there. Also, I try to keep it warm and I try to maintain focus there to keep heating the channels. Sometimes I would visualize an upward vorticular flow through the central channel, specifically at the upper back.</p><p>Sometimes there have been peaks in stress, and sometimes electricity is affected. Yesterday, for example, I took the phone out of the pocket and nearly dropped it (that would have surely left a dent in the floor). At that moment, the kitchen lights flickered a lot.</p><p>Today evening I've been feeling curiously lightweight. Chased the cat a bit, and it seemed easy to run or jump without causing a thud.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-76145954632019268982022-12-02T08:55:00.003+02:002022-12-02T08:55:50.670+02:00Energy release<p>Recently a person interested in psychokinesis, paranormal and spiritualism found me. This explains a dream from some weeks ago. One evening while we were exchanging experiences over a call, I got entrained to the wall just behind the display.</p><p>One night I felt quite a bit of warm red energy being released in the body and felt too energetic to sleep.</p><p>Also, a few times I've felt the head become thick with energy.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-78911686933066849452022-11-21T21:37:00.002+02:002022-11-28T00:57:44.788+02:00Dream: Babies<p>A couple of days ago I had a dream where I lost a friend. That day an online friend suddenly removed all their messages and unfriended, without telling what I had done wrong.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;"></h4><p>Today morning in a dream I was on my way back home when I heard someone calling my name. I answered and looked around but couldn't figure out the source. I was called again, and again I couldn't see anyone calling.</p><p>Saw a woman on the other side of the road, and two babies playing around her. The woman was asleep while the babies seemed to be playing dangerously close to the road. I tried to keep them away from the road.</p><p>One of the babies had my name, and that's why I had heard someone calling me but couldn't see where.</p><p>The baby with my name seemed a bit odd. When I looked at his face, he looked much older than the rest of his body. Also, he spoke advanced stuff.</p><p>The other baby looked normal.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-78531424799700120842022-11-09T02:41:00.001+02:002022-11-09T02:41:10.393+02:00Cat<p>The cat sometimes does strange things.</p><p>The air humidifier had run out of water and had switched off. Cat switched it back on, then ran into the other room and switched on the PC.</p><p>Two very improbable events in a row.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-61929496718546843542022-11-05T21:15:00.002+02:002022-11-06T00:41:45.032+02:00Electronic dog leash and a vase<p>Recently I've been having some trouble with energy rising and blockages getting in the way. First kidneys aching, then stomach, then chest (heart the most), then the base of the throat. Head feels like there's quite a bit of energy going through it as well. Need to learn to relax again.<br /></p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Dream: Dog leash</h4><p>There was a man walking a dog in the city. I walked past the man. He had some kind of a blue thing in his hand, which made an awful noise. Not audible for physical beings but awful for the non-physical. I walked to about 15 m in front of him, and threw the blue thing back to him. Then told him that I wanted to talk to him and asked him to power off the blue thing. He had an ordinary dog leash as well anyway. Ok, he switched the blue thing off. The dog then came closer, wrapped the leash around me and then we just played with the dog for some time.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Dream: Vase</h4><p>Woke to find a colleague and several people in my apartment whom I had not met before. We had to go somewhere, whereas I was taking my time. Went downstairs to a canteen or something to have breakfast. Others went outside, but at some point one of them returned with a vase.</p><p>He gave me the vase and said he was sorry for breaking the previous one. I was confused, for I didn't think I had ever had a vase to begin with. I thanked him and his kindness. It was a white vase with a diagonal edge. There was also some water in the vase. As I looked at the water, I noticed that there was something small in it. The more I looked at it, the more it grew. Plants, some of them I recognized as edible, but wasn't sure about the rest. I think eventually one of them grew into a bamboo and the more I tried to open it to eat it, the thicker and stronger it became. There were some stains in the roots but otherwise it was really strong. I told the guy that I would need to look at some YouTube videos to learn how to eat it. Both of us laughed a bit.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Attempts to relax<br /></h4><p>Took a nap, felt as if I could sleep forever. While having some dreams and false awakenings from them, I tried to relax the body. Slowly slipped out of body each time. Earlier I had also started hearing loud noises when I relaxed enough. As I temporarily woke and closed my eyes again, I could see the room with eyes closed for a bit, but eventually it faded. Vision was rather blurry with eyes closed.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Sad cake</h4><p>We had Halloween cake with little ghosts which had faces and facial expressions on them. Yesterday me and mom skipped the cake in the evening and when we opened it up again today, then the only ghost which was left on the cake, looked as if it were crying. It was so sad that we had eaten the other ghosts and left only one, and then even skipped a day.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-30011109457881874812022-10-30T21:30:00.006+02:002022-10-30T21:31:33.576+02:00A bit of healing<h4 style="text-align: left;">Dreams <br /></h4><p>I think it was on Monday evening that I "saw" a cloud of light near me. Brought my attention to it and enjoyed it for a bit.</p><p>Recently I've been feeling a bit more in the dark again.</p><p>Yesterday had a dream with a lot of scrambled ice on the streets.</p><p>Today morning I had a dream with violent protests on the streets. One of them threw a bottle to the ground. I closed my eyes but felt some of the shards hit my eyelids. This sort of negligence made me a bit angry.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Undreams <br /></h4><p>In addition to dreams, something interesting has happened in the waking life.<br /></p><p>Recently I think my kidneys have been under a lot of pressure for some reason. For years I used to struggle with phlegm and difficulties breathing at home. I thought it was some sort of dust which I was allergic to. However, it appears that I have suddenly somehow magically recovered from this. While at some point I tried to actively heal it, the last time was perhaps a couple of weeks ago or so.</p><p>Went through the store while on my way back home on Wednesday evening. It was raining, so I thoroughly wiped my boots dry on the carpet to make sure I wouldn't slip later. Almost bumped into a lady shortly after, as both of us kept stepping aside in mirrored directions. So I leaped away but slipped and still almost fell on her.<br /></p><p></p><p>Later when I got home, everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. There's construction works going on in the neighbor's apartment. An interesting occurrence.<br /></p><div class="notranslate" style="accent-color: initial; all: initial; animation: initial; appearance: initial; aspect-ratio: initial; backdrop-filter: initial; backface-visibility: initial; background-blend-mode: initial; background: initial; block-size: initial; border-block: initial; border-collapse: initial; border-end-end-radius: initial; border-end-start-radius: initial; border-inline: initial; border-radius: initial; border-spacing: initial; border-start-end-radius: initial; border-start-start-radius: initial; border: initial; box-decoration-break: initial; box-shadow: initial; box-sizing: initial; break-after: initial; break-before: initial; break-inside: initial; caption-side: initial; caret-color: initial; clear: initial; clip-path: initial; clip-rule: initial; clip: initial; color-interpolation-filters: initial; color-interpolation: initial; color-scheme: initial; color: initial; column-fill: initial; column-rule: initial; column-span: initial; columns: initial; contain: initial; content: initial; counter-increment: initial; counter-reset: initial; counter-set: initial; cursor: initial; cx: initial; cy: initial; d: initial; display: initial; dominant-baseline: initial; empty-cells: initial; fill-opacity: initial; fill-rule: initial; fill: initial; filter: initial; flex-flow: initial; flex: initial; float: initial; flood-color: initial; flood-opacity: initial; font-synthesis: initial; font: initial; gap: initial; grid-area: initial; grid: initial; height: initial; hyphenate-character: initial; hyphens: initial; image-orientation: initial; image-rendering: initial; ime-mode: initial; inline-size: initial; inset-block: initial; inset-inline: initial; inset: initial; isolation: initial; letter-spacing: initial; lighting-color: initial; line-break: initial; list-style: initial; margin-block: initial; margin-inline: initial; margin: initial; marker: initial; mask-type: initial; mask: initial; max-block-size: initial; max-height: initial; max-inline-size: initial; max-width: initial; min-block-size: initial; min-height: initial; min-inline-size: initial; min-width: initial; mix-blend-mode: initial; object-fit: initial; object-position: initial; offset: initial; opacity: initial; order: initial; outline-offset: initial; outline: initial; overflow-anchor: initial; overflow-block: initial; overflow-clip-margin: initial; overflow-inline: initial; overflow-wrap: initial; overflow: initial; overscroll-behavior-block: initial; overscroll-behavior-inline: initial; overscroll-behavior: initial; padding-block: initial; padding-inline: initial; padding: initial; paint-order: initial; perspective-origin: initial; perspective: initial; place-content: initial; place-items: initial; place-self: initial; pointer-events: initial; position: initial; print-color-adjust: initial; quotes: initial; r: initial; resize: initial; rotate: initial; ruby-align: initial; ruby-position: initial; rx: initial; ry: initial; scale: initial; scroll-behavior: initial; scroll-margin-block: initial; scroll-margin-inline: initial; scroll-margin: initial; scroll-padding-block: initial; scroll-padding-inline: initial; scroll-padding: initial; scroll-snap-align: initial; scroll-snap-stop: initial; scroll-snap-type: initial; scrollbar-color: initial; scrollbar-gutter: initial; scrollbar-width: initial; shape-image-threshold: initial; shape-margin: initial; shape-outside: initial; shape-rendering: initial; stop-color: initial; stop-opacity: initial; stroke-dasharray: initial; stroke-dashoffset: initial; stroke-linecap: initial; stroke-linejoin: initial; stroke-miterlimit: initial; stroke-opacity: initial; stroke-width: initial; stroke: initial; tab-size: initial; table-layout: initial; text-align-last: initial; text-align: initial; text-anchor: initial; text-combine-upright: initial; text-decoration-skip-ink: initial; text-decoration: initial; text-emphasis-position: initial; text-emphasis: initial; text-indent: initial; text-justify: initial; text-orientation: initial; text-overflow: initial; text-rendering: initial; text-shadow: initial; text-transform: initial; text-underline-offset: initial; text-underline-position: initial; touch-action: initial; transform-box: initial; transform-origin: initial; transform-style: initial; transform: initial; transition: initial; translate: initial; user-select: initial; vector-effect: initial; vertical-align: initial; visibility: initial; white-space: initial; width: initial; will-change: initial; word-break: initial; word-spacing: initial; writing-mode: initial; x: initial; y: initial; z-index: initial;"></div>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-81807184688497954572022-10-19T22:11:00.001+03:002022-10-19T22:11:09.948+03:00Protest: Great Day<p>Woke tired but smiley. Wished a great day to friends on a couple of Discord servers.<br /></p><p>On my way to the office I saw a gang of youngsters protesting on the streets. I walked up to them and turned around to see what was written on their posters, for I was curious which of the problems . One of the posters said "Smile!", and the other said "You will have a great day today!" This escalated my smile into a surprise-happy laughter.</p><p>Today was an odd day. Very hectic. I did not even have the time to properly check and respond the messages from colleagues. Everything just kept piling up while I was occupied with one thing, then another, and so on. Thought I would finish with one more thing before going home but then remembered that I had promised to mom I would assist her with her visit to the construction store. Decided to take a bus home, to make up for staying late at work. While waiting for the bus, uncle called and I had to start making phone calls to organize something. Okay, got home while being on the phone at the same time. Mom was also on a phone call at the same time, and we both finished the calls at the same time. Eventually we get to the construction store. At the store, both our phones start ringing at roughly the same time. Once we got out of the store, we burst out laughing.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-1208390556495245092022-10-17T08:28:00.002+03:002022-10-17T08:28:39.988+03:00Other<h4 style="text-align: left;">Video of grandma<br /></h4><p>Today morning I had a dream where someone showed me a family video which I was not aware of. I had not checked up on what grandma had been up to, in the meantime.</p><p>In the video she was happy about being reborn and the wonders of a fully functional body. Since her death, we had become quite distant, due to which some of the video was missing sound. I had to focus on her, to hear what she was saying. Her mouth moved but I couldn't hear it. Seeing her happy made me glad, though.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Bonfire</h4><p>On Saturday night, me and friends went to the woods and had a chat around a bonfire. At some point one of them said he once tried moving a box of matchsticks with his mind, for 3 hours, and that it didn't work. While he was telling this, three pieces of glowing coal flew on him and we tried wiping these off as quickly as we could. That night it happened a couple of more times but I found the timing a bit peculiar.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Hugs</h4><p>I think it might've been about 2 weeks ago before sleep that I visualized hugging someone, and started to sense parfume. Manifesting smells has not happened that often recently, however, the details and vividness of visualization seem to have improved significantly in the past few years.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-57352267998814965082022-10-12T23:00:00.000+03:002022-10-12T23:00:04.701+03:00The third path<p>It has been a while.</p><p>In the meantime I've mostly focused on the third path, which I labelled as "friends and family". This is because since about 2018 or so, I suddenly found myself extremely lacking in that regard.</p><p>For re-learning how to friend, I estimated a few years. I think a few years it probably took, too. While I think I learned what I set out to learn: how to find (online) friends with very different background, personality and interests, and how to interact with them, how to notice when they need support and how to support them. There is still a lot for me to learn, though.<br /></p><p>I also learned a lot about how to family. At some point I thought I had lost my sister. Luckily she's back, but for me and for the rest of the family that was quite difficult and mentally taxing.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Buying gf<br /></h4><p>Then, finally, I tried to find a girlfriend. Ever since grandpa's death it had been bothering me a lot. Whenever I looked around, everyone were walking in couples, most old friends and classmates, coursemates were posting photos of spending quality time with their significant others and their kids. Even my cousins whom I saw grow up, have their significant others and some are married.</p><p>Obviously I was lacking in something / there was something wrong with me that this had not happened to me yet. So, I asked myself what it was that everyone else had but I had not, and tried to learn and improve myself in those aspects. I estimated that it would probably take me 10 years to catch up. Once I inserted my age into the equation, I sort of panicked and decided that I'd need to speed up the process significantly, somehow.</p><p>I figured that I had quite strict standards for myself, and that regardless of thinking I was not applying the same standards on others, I actually was, just without realizing it. So I tried letting go of my self-standards. That was hard, and I felt very lost after that.<br /></p><p>Within the time frame, I think there were about 6-7 who seemed interested in me. Out of them, I think 4 sort-of confessed. Half of them were underage (also, what's up with women hiding their age or lying about it online?), and the other half were one-sided (I did not really have feelings). In one of the cases I thought maybe the one-sidedness was temporary and that eventually I might develop feelings. Well, nope. I realized that if I did not have any interest or feelings from the start, then that would not change over time. If I did have at least some interest from the start, then feelings could develop but it might take a rather long time (years) for me.</p><p>Within that same time frame, I think I went through about 100 and had a crush on about 20 (way too many, I thought, and felt bad about it). I think I confessed to maybe half of them, for I thought it's a good idea to be open about my feelings, especially when I suspected it might be influencing my thinking and behaviour. All of these crushes were one-sided. The other end was usually either taken or they just said they enjoyed chatting with me. In some cases, that was clearly just out of an attempt to be nice (some ignored my messages and did not really show much interest in what I shared).</p><p>I found it very interesting that towards each crush the feelings were different. With one I felt I would feel very comfortable. In the case of another one I felt as if I could forgive her anything. Usually it was the way they interacted, and the way they treated other people which caught my attention. Usually it did not matter if I had seen any pictures of them or not, whereas some crushes only formed after seeing pictures or videos of them. After learning that the feelings were not mutual, overcoming the crushes usually took a week or two of suffering for me. With most of them I could still remain friends afterwards.<br /></p><p>One case was a bit different. In May I found a piece of paper sticking out from the bottom of my drawer at home. That was the first time something like that had happened to me. Pulled it out and read it. It was a list of characteristics which I had written up many years ago about what I thought my future girlfriend should be like. I giggled and put the paper back into the drawer. The next day I went on a canoe hike with people most of whom I did not know. On that hike I could not sleep, as I let the list bother me throughout the night. Why now? Who might it refer to?</p><p>For a couple of weeks, the chats with a friend had magically revived after months of silence. At that point it had been a year and a half since we had started chatting. Was it her? As I continued chatting with her later, it seemed that everything which I had had on that list, matched. Not only that, but also the things which I had thought of but had not dared to write down (fearing I might be too picky), these also matched. For certain she was also interested in me, I thought, for why else would she be texting throughout the night in her time zone. For me it was somewhat overwhelming at times. Also interesting how there seemed to be similarities but also symmetries in our lives. At first I had a crush, and just when I thought I had gotten over it, I fell for her more than I have for anyone else thus far. Confessed and learned that it was one-sided. I got depressed, then she got depressed. Since then she barely responds to any messages. Anyway, from this I learned that no matter how compatible one might seem, and even if strange things happen which indicate that they should be the right one, it does not mean anything. </p><p>Before that happened, there had been a similar case where someone fell for me but I did not have any feelings. I had just chatted with her because she seemed sad or depressed and needed someone to talk to. There were a lot of odd synchronicities / coincidences with her. It turned out that she lived basically just a block away from the place I was staying, and her summerhouse was also close to the place which I was cleaning of litter. Anyway, apparently those synchronicities and coincidences meant nothing.</p><p>Interesting. Now that I think about it, two of the girls who fell for me, had been renovating their place or were moving out, and had car licenses. I haven't wrapped up with the car license nor renovating the apartment, let alone moving anywhere. All of these are taking forever, because I always think there are more important things which need doing.</p><p></p><p>On another note, one of the reasons why I've preferred to be somewhat open about my feelings (confess a lot) is because even 10+ years later I still had not confessed to my second crush and it had made me feel quite bad. Eventually I did, and she just ignored it. So, I had worried way too much about it. However, right after I confessed to my 3rd crush, she quit her job and left the town. Back then I did not understand why that was necessary. However, it seems that it's very common (and probably quite effective) method to ensure there's enough distance to let feelings cool off. It is possible that several friends who have suddenly left and unfriended, may have done so to distance from me. Usually I assumed that I must have offended them in some way or other for them to do that.</p><p>Anyway, at some point I learned that sometimes one might feel disgusted if someone confesses their feelings to them. Or it might make them feel afraid (which used to be the case for me a while back). This had me reconsider being that open about my feelings in the future. Even though I used to think that was the main reason why I kept missing my chances for all these years - I had not dared to be open about feelings.</p><p>This whole thing feels like the most difficult of anything which I've done thus far in life. With other things there's usually some progress or improvement when I put effort in. In love-stuff it seems it doesn't really matter how hard I try, it seems as if it were not for me. I would always feel that I would find someone "soon", random people would say to me that they see me finding someone "soon", I would read about it from horoscopes, etc. but still years go by and nothing changes. It boggles my mind how love seems so much more difficult than psychokinesis (which is supposed to be impossible) but still most people in the world are so good at love-stuff. Maybe sometime in the future I might try Tinder or something. Though, I
doubt that would make it any easier to find the right one. So, I decided to accept defeat again, take a step back and for now focus more again on the other two paths in my life: spiritualism and technology.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-27264456151237390722021-09-26T10:49:00.004+03:002021-09-26T10:58:29.819+03:00Fox<p>A series of dreams, surrounding some recent events. Basically, about a year ago I happened to a Discord server with people unable to control their energies. I had difficulties trying to fit in. Between D1 and D3, some friends left.</p><p>Between D3 and D4, I heard a bizarre rumor. The rumor disturbed me, but somehow it triggered memories which I couldn't trace. Just after hearing the rumor, I started to remember conversations and posts on Discord, which I could not have seen. I ended up being very confused about what had actually been posted or said, and what I had just remembered. At that point, it seemed as if the puzzle clicked together and I knew what I had to do. </p><p>Asked about the rumor from the person involved, while refusing to reveal the source of the rumor. Somehow this seemed to have caused the person to panic and publicly post the rumor in the server. Anyway, I got what I had wanted, and got banned. After that, the memories about the conversations started to fade away again.<br /></p><p>D6 I just found odd.<br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">D1. Wolf-man</h2><p>There was some kind of a wolf-man or somesuch, terrorizing a village somewhere. Me and someone else observed how a hero went to fight the creature. This wolf-man was almost impossible to kill, and very difficult to even cripple or disable. At some point I was being taught how to deal with it, then it was me fighting this creature.<br /></p><p>I'd happily skip all the gore and gruesome details, but I think that a few details / symbols were still important.</p><p>Just before I landed my first hit with an axe, the wolf-man looked like a lamb. In order to disable it, I had to sever all the nerves at a specific spot in its spine, and separate them such that its regeneration would no longer function. I could not, however, bring myself to kill it. I felt too sad for it, and I felt bad for what I had done, regardless of it having been necessary for the village. At the end of the dream, I puked out my guts and cut them off.</p><p>Then woke in cold sweat and couldn't sleep anymore that night. Since that dream, my mind was disturbed for a few days.</p><h2 style="text-align: left;">D2. Sad dog</h2><p>Me and sister were at home. At some point, a dog came in, looking sad. I pet and hugged the dog.<br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">D3. Happy fox</h2><p>Me and sister were at the summerhouse. At some point, something ran in, went through the kitchen and eventually reached the living room. There it sat down and looked at me with a smile. Sister called it a dog, whereas I called it a cat. It totally looked like a fox, though. I was confused about why I was referring to it as a cat when it was so obviously a fox. Moreover, how or why had it even entered the house. It had not asked anyone's permission.</p><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">D4. Terrified fox</h2><p>Since the previous dream, I must have kicked the fox out because it did not follow the protocol of asking before entering my personal space.<br /><br />On a cloudy morning, I'm walking from the dry closet back towards the summerhouse. The field to my right is flooded. The fox is there, sleeping in the water. It had shed an impressive amount of fur on the surface of the water, in an attempt to make sleeping there feel at least a little bit more comfortable. </p><p>I felt sad for the little fox, and wanted to take it somewhere dry and warm. However, as I approached, the fox woke in terror, and fled into a pile of dirt, in which the fox probably had a cave.<br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">D5. Another sad dog</h2><p>In a dream today morning I found another sad dog waiting behind the door. I let it in. It drank some water, and then went on its way again.</p><h2 style="text-align: left;">D6. Couple</h2><p>After the last dog visit today morning, I tried to close and lock the door properly again. Finally managed to, but then I heard someone cutting the lock bolt. I was a bit confused because we had our lights on, and the burglars should've seen and heard that there's people home. Quickly got dressed and since I didn't have any other weapons, I took a knife. Got to the door in time to greet the people who had spent all that effort of breaking my lock.</p><p>There was a couple who had just gotten married, I guess. They treated us as good old friends, even though none of us could remember having met them before. Me and mom shook the hand with the golden ring with a blue gem, wishing the couple a long and lasting relationship. Oh, I think he handed the ring to mom or me and then asked it back, which I found strange.<br /></p><p>Both of them looked a bit drunk and tired. While both were young (maybe in their early 30s), the skin on the blonde man's face looked clean and parched / cracked at the same time.</p><p>Mom asked how much it would cost to repair the door. I said I don't know but probably not much. Anyway, the man was curious about how the door's locking mechanism worked because it had given him a lot of trouble to cut through. So I took the lock and tried to show him. He explained that he was making tools for the police and emergency services to open doors but none of his tools worked on our door.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-16202026645925113322021-08-22T18:16:00.000+03:002021-08-22T18:16:05.301+03:00Laptop feelings<p>Not very long ago, a colleague asked if I'd like to have a new laptop. My current one is like 8 years old and I've performed several surgeries on it already. I've implemented workarounds for the case, replaced the screen, replaced HDD with 1 TiB SSD, battery (3 times, I guess), upgraded RAM to 16 GiB, and swapped DVD writer against an additional 1 TiB HDD.</p><p>While I said that my old laptop was still working fine, I didn't decline the offer for the new laptop. I think it has been a couple of weeks since I received the work laptop. In the past few days it has happened twice that the old laptop just randomly blacks out, leaving inodes dirty and all.</p><p>I suspect that I might've hurt its feelings with the new laptop. Something similar happened to father when he got a new laptop.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-79102615157523879432021-08-17T22:26:00.005+03:002021-08-17T22:27:17.194+03:00Light and bizarre clips from dreams<p>Meditated a bit yesterday evening. The nights are dark again already, but during meditation I was surrounded by light. Checked if it was car headlights through the windows or if mom had switched on the lights but no, in reality the room was still dark.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">Random excerpts from recent dreams</h4><p>I visit some sort of an event at the university. There are a lot of people, so I start looking for that mask in my pocket. But then it occurs to me that masks in dreams don't make any sense, why would I even look for one?</p><p>I was chatting with someone. Then, suddenly a horse leaped over the fence, galloped to a parked car, took the driver's seat and drove away with it. Me and the other guy were just staring at where the car used to be, wondering what we had just witnessed.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-22286641599596039112021-08-14T09:07:00.002+03:002021-08-14T09:07:59.737+03:00Whispers in the night<p>Grandma was taken to the hospital again. Luckily it was temporary. Grandpa and mom were quite worried about her when I got to grandparents' place.</p><p>Grandpa snores at night, but somehow I heard like whispers on top of it. It sounded as if someone were begging for something "not to be swapped". Eventually the whispers stopped as grandpa started breathing a bit different. I've heard sleeptalking before, and according to rumors, I've sleeptalked before, too. However, I don't think I've heard whispers superimposed on other sounds like that before.</p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7689626086020275296.post-9191368974808058722021-08-09T09:05:00.001+03:002021-08-09T09:05:22.414+03:00Kitchen pipes<p>While walking towards the bus station with mom, we chatted about renovating the apartment. I said that we ought to prioritize the kitchen, too. But then again, who knows when the sewage pipes would need to be replaced ... so probably shouldn't cover up the pipes yet.</p><p>We get home and find a puddle of dark and rusty water on the kitchen floor. We clean it up, I inspect the pipes and their surroundings. Anyway, I wash my hands and look down again, just in time to marvel at the little fountain from the sewage pipes. :)<br /></p><p>I burst out laughing.</p><p>Months earlier there had been an apartment block management meeting (or however those are supposed to be called) and the main topic of discussion was the replacement of those pipes. The problem was that due to the pandemic, none of the companies were willing to take contracts, unless there was an emergency. In the case of an emergency, the costs would be a lot higher but at least it would get done.<br /></p>Susschhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11523959028004090884noreply@blogger.com0