Struggle of honour

One night without disturbing dreams and then lost the energy with the next one.

A rather sad morning, full of karmic effects.

Realized that I often bash right in, when I see an obstacle. Then it hurts and the more it hurts, the more I increase the speed and force. Then it hurts even more .. so on.

Also, for some reason, the mind still considers difficulty as a matter of honour. The more miserable, the more humility, the more challenge, the better.

One more mind pattern: everything must be in balance. When there's joy, there must be misery and vice versa. However, when looked at from a holistic point of view, then nothing can be out of balance. So, the idea of balancing seems to be just a habit or a construct.

Want to overcome all this. Want to change the attitude towards everything.

I guess it might be rather funny and sad for me to look at me struggling there.