Reading marathon

Saw another cool dream in the morning. There were two guys with pistols and started firing at me. I managed to build a force-bubble that stopped the bullets just like in the Matrix. When they were out of ammo, I bent their barrels and they ran away as fast as they could. It took so much focus and psi that I even felt I can barely handle it.

So, today was the day when I took and read the electricity and magnetism book for 12h with only a few snack breaks. It was "deliciously flavoured" with mathematical derivations and proofs. =P Fun.

After one of the snack breaks, I felt tired and laid on my back (I could do this, because I don't have snot stuck in my head anymore). I was tired, but I didn't want to sleep for long - needed to read on soon. Enjoyed a short dream and suddenly heard & felt the deep inhale sound again, as I re-entered my body. Looked at the clock and realized that I had slept deeply for only 10 minutes.

Some 30 pages of the 300 page book are still to be read, but at least 20 pages of it is quite pointless anyway, so I guess I could read it tomorrow morning.

Played F.E.A.R. 2 Demo till 3.30 AM.

First nightmare

Saw the first scary dream in over 4-5 or even more years this morning. I was in a place reminding me of Saaremaa, but the yard was a lot bigger. We were somewhere in front of one of the sheds, talking with some guys about some subjects I can't remember. There were 2-3 cows at the other end of the yard (near the cow stable) and some people around them. The most important cow however, was in a cage on a truck at the center of the yard. We had to let the cow out, so I had opened the cage and thought there was still time to talk - it could leave the cage whenever it wanted to. The cow in the cage had lost one horn, but the other was still sharp. It was constantly looking at the shed (don't know why). Then someone said: "You should drive the cow out of the cage." I stopped talking and went before the cow (while still outside of the cage), slightly hit the cage with my hands to make the cow go backwards. It rushed out of the cage, towards the other cows and stabbed one with its remaining horn. It stabbed so deep that its only remaining horn fell off. A few seconds later the cow was coming towards me fast. I had no time and I had to succeed in levitation fast. I gathered as many layers / as much mass of myself and flew towards the shed, thinking that maybe I could hide in there while the cow calms down, but then I realized that it never does. I couldn't do anything against that cow, because I cared about it. I changed the direction and swooshed up and kept flying until I saw the Earth below me. Woke up suddenly.

After having woken up, I realized that I have made this mistake so many times. There are always friends I need to talk to even though I might be talking with other friends. I kept thinking: "I have to change this."

Remembered another dream. I was in some unknown room with old wooden shelves in front of me. I practiced pyrokinesis on something that was in my hand (reminds me of a tablet or something). It started giving off some smoke and when it did, I put it on the table. Can't remember what I was doing there except for the short pyrokinesis practice.

Practiced PK for 32 minutes in the evening. I felt the floor getting colder where I pulled psi from - I don't want to disturb the neighbors with drawing straight from the ground 4 floors down. I usually visualized the roots running through the walls into the ground, avoiding any objects or empty rooms. Couldn't visualize it so strongly this time, so I started pulling psi from the balcony. I guess I tried to move things too hard - pressure started building up in my chest. I still tried to keep the pressure down, because I have gotten pain in the area, when I first started practicing PK 2 years ago.

Tricking motivation

Actually, I think I know why my subconscious acted like that - if I got a crappy score for that exam, it would provide a great motivation boost for studying for next exam. The next exam is supposed to be the 1st or 2nd most difficult exam in physics bachelor studies - electricity and magnetism. Furthermore, I set a goal to score an 'A' for electricity and magnetism.


Today's exam didn't seem difficult at all - we had to choose the right answers and solve a few problems. The right answers reminded me of physics exam in high school - I played bingo (random with some logic factor) and got a surprisingly high score (the highest in the whole school).

Mailed Kube (Azrael) because - well, he resigned from the admin position in PsionAcademy. Would've posted it in ALW, but then I realized how embarrassing it would be for him. I thought it could have been too offensive, but well, it expressed my feelings after having read his announcement.



Practiced PK on different objects by trying to feel them move in different ways. Couldn't practice for 30 minutes - at 25 minutes, I felt that my head was going to hurt soon and it did (left hemisphere again). 

I haven't noticed it before, but it's more difficult to move plastic, wood or metal than paper for me. The last years I only practiced on paper and I guess I've succeeded in limiting myself with another mindblock. 

My right foot started to tingle again like the psi pressure was too much for it. A few weeks ago the tingling became so uncomfortable that I couldn't ground myself anymore. I thought it was irrelevant and that I had just slept it crooked or something. This time I focused on psi flowing through my left leg and through the right hemisphere, but the problem is that I can't do anything with the right hemisphere .. yet (or again - it could be that something has happened and I'm running in some kind of safe mode).

Rebellious subconscious

The problems with studying for that exam continue.

Joined the satellite team (building the first Estonian satellite) for a lunch. I left my stuff home - wouldn't need them at the restaurant anyway. I thought that it was going to last for maybe 1.5 - 2 hours, but everything got dragged and then at the end of the lunch, someone asked: "the today's meeting takes place, right?" And it occurred to me that "Damn, I had totally forgotten that it's Tuesday." (There's a meeting every Tuesday)

Glanced at the clock and saw that there were only 1.5 hours until the meeting - no point in going home. However, I still managed to use most of it for studying though - used a school computer.

Well, the meeting started and again it dragged and lasted for full 2 hours. The last time there was a meeting that long was in September, I guess.

I'm a bit nervous about that exam, got to meditate some before going to bed. Looked at the clock - it was 11.39 PM - so, I only had 21 minutes, because I had set 0.00 as the maximal limit for going to sleep. Well, 8.5 hours is still not enough, but it was the least I could do.

Couldn't meditate in the usual position - leg started to hurt. Switched the legs and started meditating. Now that I had little time there was a new release of the focus exercise - a sharp-bottomed manger full of fish that constantly fell over with all the fish falling all over the ground. I tried a hack-solution - thought it would stay upright if I ran with it. It did, somewhat, but I felt that this wasn't the right solution for it - the right one is always the most difficult (and that's why it's the right one). Managed to leave the scene and calm myself down enough. Woke up, looked at the clock again and it was exactly 0.00 - great timing.

Note: See the chest exercise for reference.

Antenna caught words

My head still hurts sometimes, but I don't have to blow my nose so often anymore. Usually, when I have a runny nose, it takes a week to recover from it. It's 3 days so far and it seems to me that I'm getting well pretty fast.

Decided to shop something and asked my sister if she needed anything, because the only thing that came to my mind was milk. She said "You should .. "  and before she could finish the sentence, I knew how she would end it. I received a thought / feeling and recognized that it wasn't my own. She wanted something like a muesli. I was curious how she would actually form the rest of the sentence. ".. buy a muesli or something like that." I responded: "I knew you would say that." Well, she should've at least made it more interesting to listen to.

While coming back from the store, I saw a woman sneak past the checkout. She made sure that nobody noticed first. Well, it was fail and success in one - the salesperson right next to her noticed, but let her go without calling any guards. So, I didn't do anything about it either.

A few minutes later I stopped at a red traffic light and looked at an old man on the other side of the road. He soon crossed the road with the red light. I remembered when I was waiting on the same side the same road yesterday and saw some people cross it when no cars were driving through. I thought: "This old man crosses the road even with cars driving through. Why?" The old man reached the side of the road I was on and while passing me, he mumbled (without looking at me even once): "This traffic light is always red and only rarely green. Maybe it's broken again." I mumbled: "Yeah" and continued waiting for a green light for 15-20 minutes.

Practiced PK on a book, soda can and a pack of handkerchiefs for 30 min. I easily got the feeling of the book and soda can, but the pack of handkerchiefs was more difficult - I hadn't practiced PK on anything like it before. I noticed that I have only moved a part of the object that I've tried to move so far - the part that I want to see moving. Again I found that after trying to move an object in one direction for a few times, it starts moving in the same direction by default and I have to force it at first to move in any other directions. So, practicing PK on one object for even a couple of times already hinders further practice. The biggest problem is probably the fact that I'm accustomed to static objects not moving by themselves and that's probably why every time I move an object enough for it to be visible, I get excited and stop it. Yet another problem was random thoughts - I guess I'm just tired and becoming nervous about the approaching exams.

I seriously thought that the first exam was on 7th. If one of my schoolmates hadn't asked me a few questions about the exam and I hadn't answered that I haven't studied anything for it yet, I would have probably either missed the exam or forgotten to study enough. He asked me: "You won't sit the exam on 6th then, will you?" =P Thanks man. Went to study right away. The problem was that I had become a bit nervous about it and the printer failed on me. It wrapped a paper inside even though I was already low on paper. Messed up the printing order and orientation of a few pages XD. Thought about it all for maybe 3 minutes, calmed down and found some more empty papers right next to the printer. Managed to work through the most of the conspectus until I could no longer focus on reading even one sentence.

After trying to move a corner of the book, I felt psi pressure building up in my forehead. Well, that's ok, but what caught my attention was that I could hardly feel any pressure in my right hemisphere. Almost all of it was in the left hemisphere. I ought to do something about it someday, I guess. I think I could decrease my sleeptime, focus and learning speed if I would be able to use both of them.

30 snotty handkerchiefs

My muscles suddenly no longer hurt. However, my head hurt and felt all foggy (full of snot) since the morning. I don't have any fever though - so, but I guess it's probably the garlic I ate the day before. Haven't seen any killing in the dreams lately - it was probably nothing more than catching cold.

I guess that the visualization of my head turning blue or green doesn't work very well. Actually, it even gave me the feeling that I don't need to / can't heal it very well anymore. Just visualizing psi flowing through my head actually made me feel better faster.

I usually lack the motivation to practice psionics, when there's something wrong with me. Well, with one exception - healing.

Kevin said that lately he has noticed that whenever he thinks something, I say / do it before he even has the chance to say it. I don't know, I just say / do what comes to my mind when I don't find it too abusive.

Couldn't sleep much, as I had to wake up every 15 minutes to blow my nose.

Meditation rhythm

The first minutes of year 2010 felt calm and peaceful.

Caught cold during New Year's eve again, I guess. Found that my head was cold in the morning. The left hemisphere, which seems (feels) to be the one I use the most, was especially cold. I had a difficult time trying to heal it - it always changed back to how it was before healing. Couldn't gather enough psi, because I couldn't concentrate well enough anymore. Most of the left hemisphere looked "white" with only a few "blue" spots. Where blue symbolizes healthy cells and white - I don't know, haven't seen anything like this before. I visualized the whole brain turning blue, but immediately when I focused on another part of my brain, some other parts started turning white again. Messed with it for an hour or so, when I finally started feeling some warmth in the head. I then changed the healthy color from blue to green and visualized green moss, green grass and trees and felt even better.

It seemed strange again that my right hemisphere looked and felt blank, thus being uninjured. It's as if it's totally unused. How can it be possible if my left hand is actually much more accurate than my right hand although the latter one is dominant.

Tried to meditate in a room crowded with playing children. The first 15-20 minutes I couldn't reach any deeper meditation states and the meditation session turned out as another PK practice. I felt the bed and mattress slightly bending around me. The next 10-15 minutes I just obeyed my breathing rhythm and fell into a deeper meditation state. Saw quick and simple picture-flashes that best described my mindset. Simple, because each picture only contained one symbol / feeling. One of these pictures was muddy water on a concrete floor. Can't remember any others - didn't pay that much attention to them. Felt calm and relaxed after the session.

I guess that it's the deeper meditation states that help for concentration and control. And to achieve a deeper meditation state with lots of disturbance, the concentrating on breathing technique seems to work well. Probably any technique that uses some kind of rhythm, could work. Maybe that's why old shamen danced themselves into trance - I think it was the dancing rhythm that helped them.