Fox

A series of dreams, surrounding some recent events. Basically, about a year ago I happened to a Discord server with people unable to control their energies. I had difficulties trying to fit in. Between D1 and D3, some friends left.

Between D3 and D4, I heard a bizarre rumor. The rumor disturbed me, but somehow it triggered memories which I couldn't trace. Just after hearing the rumor, I started to remember conversations and posts on Discord, which I could not have seen. I ended up being very confused about what had actually been posted or said, and what I had just remembered. At that point, it seemed as if the puzzle clicked together and I knew what I had to do. 

Asked about the rumor from the person involved, while refusing to reveal the source of the rumor. Somehow this seemed to have caused the person to panic and publicly post the rumor in the server. Anyway, I got what I had wanted, and got banned. After that, the memories about the conversations started to fade away again.

D6 I just found odd.

D1. Wolf-man

There was some kind of a wolf-man or somesuch, terrorizing a village somewhere. Me and someone else observed how a hero went to fight the creature. This wolf-man was almost impossible to kill, and very difficult to even cripple or disable. At some point I was being taught how to deal with it, then it was me fighting this creature.

I'd happily skip all the gore and gruesome details, but I think that a few details / symbols were still important.

Just before I landed my first hit with an axe, the wolf-man looked like a lamb. In order to disable it, I had to sever all the nerves at a specific spot in its spine, and separate them such that its regeneration would no longer function. I could not, however, bring myself to kill it. I felt too sad for it, and I felt bad for what I had done, regardless of it having been necessary for the village. At the end of the dream, I puked out my guts and cut them off.

Then woke in cold sweat and couldn't sleep anymore that night. Since that dream, my mind was disturbed for a few days.

D2. Sad dog

Me and sister were at home. At some point, a dog came in, looking sad. I pet and hugged the dog.

D3. Happy fox

Me and sister were at the summerhouse. At some point, something ran in, went through the kitchen and eventually reached the living room. There it sat down and looked at me with a smile. Sister called it a dog, whereas I called it a cat. It totally looked like a fox, though. I was confused about why I was referring to it as a cat when it was so obviously a fox. Moreover, how or why had it even entered the house. It had not asked anyone's permission.

D4. Terrified fox

Since the previous dream, I must have kicked the fox out because it did not follow the protocol of asking before entering my personal space.

On a cloudy morning, I'm walking from the dry closet back towards the summerhouse. The field to my right is flooded. The fox is there, sleeping in the water. It had shed an impressive amount of fur on the surface of the water, in an attempt to make sleeping there feel at least a little bit more comfortable. 

I felt sad for the little fox, and wanted to take it somewhere dry and warm. However, as I approached, the fox woke in terror, and fled into a pile of dirt, in which the fox probably had a cave.

D5. Another sad dog

In a dream today morning I found another sad dog waiting behind the door. I let it in. It drank some water, and then went on its way again.

D6. Couple

After the last dog visit today morning, I tried to close and lock the door properly again. Finally managed to, but then I heard someone cutting the lock bolt. I was a bit confused because we had our lights on, and the burglars should've seen and heard that there's people home. Quickly got dressed and since I didn't have any other weapons, I took a knife. Got to the door in time to greet the people who had spent all that effort of breaking my lock.

There was a couple who had just gotten married, I guess. They treated us as good old friends, even though none of us could remember having met them before. Me and mom shook the hand with the golden ring with a blue gem, wishing the couple a long and lasting relationship. Oh, I think he handed the ring to mom or me and then asked it back, which I found strange.

Both of them looked a bit drunk and tired. While both were young (maybe in their early 30s), the skin on the blonde man's face looked clean and parched / cracked at the same time.

Mom asked how much it would cost to repair the door. I said I don't know but probably not much. Anyway, the man was curious about how the door's locking mechanism worked because it had given him a lot of trouble to cut through. So I took the lock and tried to show him. He explained that he was making tools for the police and emergency services to open doors but none of his tools worked on our door.

Laptop feelings

Not very long ago, a colleague asked if I'd like to have a new laptop. My current one is like 8 years old and I've performed several surgeries on it already. I've implemented workarounds for the case, replaced the screen, replaced HDD with 1 TiB SSD, battery (3 times, I guess), upgraded RAM to 16 GiB, and swapped DVD writer against an additional 1 TiB HDD.

While I said that my old laptop was still working fine, I didn't decline the offer for the new laptop. I think it has been a couple of weeks since I received the work laptop. In the past few days it has happened twice that the old laptop just randomly blacks out, leaving inodes dirty and all.

I suspect that I might've hurt its feelings with the new laptop. Something similar happened to father when he got a new laptop.

Light and bizarre clips from dreams

Meditated a bit yesterday evening. The nights are dark again already, but during meditation I was surrounded by light. Checked if it was car headlights through the windows or if mom had switched on the lights but no, in reality the room was still dark.

Random excerpts from recent dreams

I visit some sort of an event at the university. There are a lot of people, so I start looking for that mask in my pocket. But then it occurs to me that masks in dreams don't make any sense, why would I even look for one?

I was chatting with someone. Then, suddenly a horse leaped over the fence, galloped to a parked car, took the driver's seat and drove away with it. Me and the other guy were just staring at where the car used to be, wondering what we had just witnessed.

Whispers in the night

Grandma was taken to the hospital again. Luckily it was temporary. Grandpa and mom were quite worried about her when I got to grandparents' place.

Grandpa snores at night, but somehow I heard like whispers on top of it. It sounded as if someone were begging for something "not to be swapped". Eventually the whispers stopped as grandpa started breathing a bit different. I've heard sleeptalking before, and according to rumors, I've sleeptalked before, too. However, I don't think I've heard whispers superimposed on other sounds like that before.

Kitchen pipes

While walking towards the bus station with mom, we chatted about renovating the apartment. I said that we ought to prioritize the kitchen, too. But then again, who knows when the sewage pipes would need to be replaced ... so probably shouldn't cover up the pipes yet.

We get home and find a puddle of dark and rusty water on the kitchen floor. We clean it up, I inspect the pipes and their surroundings. Anyway, I wash my hands and look down again, just in time to marvel at the little fountain from the sewage pipes. :)

I burst out laughing.

Months earlier there had been an apartment block management meeting (or however those are supposed to be called) and the main topic of discussion was the replacement of those pipes. The problem was that due to the pandemic, none of the companies were willing to take contracts, unless there was an emergency. In the case of an emergency, the costs would be a lot higher but at least it would get done.

Autumn horses

While practising pranayama, I usually count breaths on my fingers. What I found a bit strange while practising this a few days ago, though, I felt as if I actually had 6 fingers and kept missing one each time I counted on my 5 fingers.

Dream: Autumn horses

There's me, wandering around the pasture. There's not much grass, the ground is covered in yellow leaves, and under the leaves there's a thin layer of water, causing it to make a splashing sound as I waddle about. The trees have shed almost all of their leaves, making it possible to see quite far through the trees. Or, at least, it would be possible to, during the day, but it's slowly getting dark already.

I pick my phone to take a photo of the scenery. While looking for the perfect shot, I reverse a little, and then record the moment with a tap. While looking for another angle, I notice a group of horses running in my direction from the distance. As the group of dark horses kept coming closer, I became a bit concerned that I might get in their way. Though, they juts came, saw and left (my left). I felt a bit relieved, but then noticed that another pack of dark horses in similar number came running at me. They then hit their brakes as they formed like 1 / 3rd of a circle, to observe me at close range, while I was putting my phone away. In front of the pack, there was a young horse with a white patch on its forehead. The horse slowly approached me, and started to rub its head against me (hugging of sorts).

Jets and train

Tried a bit of pranayama yesterday evening. One of the UPSes triggered and startled me a bit.

A few dreams from the recent weeks. In addition to what I've described in greater detail, there was a dream of urban exploration at a radioactive site, and a dream of military routine. In general, I think these reflect how after the vacation I decided to work towards the attitude which I used to have about 10 years ago.

Dream: Jets

A couple of fighter jets were circling around at the summerhouse. Observed their flight, and then flew after them. Followed them until the pilots took a break and went somewhere to eat. One pilot was younger, and admitted that he would've preferred a different career but there was nothing available. It turned out that he was also interested in flying saucers and alternative means of propulsion.

At that moment, I joined in on the conversation. I said that I was also interested in these. He then asked if I had read any books by Jüri Lina. I had not, and while I had heard the name, I thought he only had books on illuminati, freemasonry, etc. Apparently he also had something on UFOs.

While floating at an edge, I described my thoughts and plans. The older pilot then pointed out the potential ethics issues which I had considered previously. While we agreed about the issues, none of us could think of good solutions to these. Then at some point I just suddenly poofed (disappeared) and woke up.

Dream: Train

Last night I had a dream where me and a couple of other guys were going somewhere on a train. At our stop, we hopped off and the train continued along the tracks. I looked at the tracks and found a few interesting stones, some of which were unpolished crystals. The other two guys: what are you doing? Come on!

Dream: School

Another dream which I had last night. People were on the streets somewhere, taking a lesson on something technical. We were given a task of some sort, but I didn't understand what it was that I was supposed to do, because instead of a slide about the task, the teacher projected a lewd meme on the screen, expecting everyone to get it (and it seemed as if they really did). Well, I did not, and asked him about the technical details.

Boscovich's "space and time"

From "From Objectivity to a Unified Theory" by Prof. Dr. Konstantin Meyl.

Jesuit priest Roger Joseph Boscovich from Dalmatia in 1755.

Boscovich was a professor of mathematics and theology in Rome and spoke about the world, on the other hand, being deformable, similar to rubber, but on the other hand, we are not able to perceive this effect, because our body is made of the same material and obeys all changes. "In an absolute way, we can neither recognize the place, nor distances, or orders of magnitude", Boscovich wrote in his book on "space and time" and how these are perceived by us. He suspects that the Earth, unobservable for man, "is respiring".

This greatly reminds me of how Owltwelve and others on Shirak's forum felt space-time while practising psychokinesis.

I'll try to find papers on Boscovich's work.

Minor compilation of weird

It's been a while, and there have been a few glitches, in the meantime.

One day I found that the cat had missed the litter box and left a mummy against the wall. I looked at it, and thought that was going to leave a stain which might be tough to clean. I picked the mummy, looked at the stain, and left for the bathroom to take a piece of cloth and cleaning agent. When I returned, the stain had vanished. Maybe the cat cleaned it?

While I was using the broom today morning, Mom said that one day the attachment clamp (or however it ought to be called) on the broomstick had been broken. The next day it was unbroken again. She had thought maybe I had fixed it somehow. I looked at it, and it looked as good as new. I don't think I could've reliably fixed broken plastic, though.

Almost each time I felt a bit sad and sat down to meditate for a bit, a gap appeared in the clouds and the sun started to shine on my face.

On Thursday we had a lengthy work meeting at a campfire place with gorgeous scenery. Targeted a dandelion for photos. Visualized and intended the lighting to make it glow nicely. It was surprisingly responsive. Later decided to take photos of a road on a slope ... and then a colleague happened to walk down the road and pass by. Loved a couple of the photos. The lighting made it look powerful.

Energy intensity has been a bit tricky to control recently. Mood swings.

Sometimes I've felt someone being "dark" or sometimes I've seen something surrounding or around someone. Discussed the matter with Mom today, and she thought it might be karmic constructs from their past life. This could be why some perfectly normal people scare others with their presence, etc.

Dreams: Rattling plate and dark blob

Nothing much to report.

There were a couple of interesting dreams, though. The symbology of both of these dreams was new for me.

Dream: Rattling plate

I think me and mom were chatting in the living-room when I heard a rattling noise coming from the kitchen. I went to check it out. Walked into the kitchen, and found that a small plate was rattling on the shelf of dishes. Soon after, the plate shot off from the shelf, and crashed into the tap, breaking into a lot of pieces.

Based on DreamMoods, I found that breaking dishes might mean feeling as if I failed to meet other peoples' expectations.

Dream: Dark blob

There was some sort of a purple-black blob in my palms. I found that I could mold it into any shape. The substance felt so powerful that I had previously been unable to handle it. It felt as if it packed the energy of a nuclear or thermonuclear bomb in such a small volume, but it was not just the amount of energy. It had been difficult to handle because of the emotions and feelings which it usually triggered. While I was really fascinated by it, I tried to be very careful.

Thinking back on it, I think it might've looked like the universe. I'm not sure but I think it might not be the dark fog which I've referenced before. Why? Because the blob had a well-defined external surface. It looked like a liquid or a solid, not like a fog. But then again, I think it's possible that it might've looked like a fog from the inside, and putty-glass-like blob from the outside.

Picture frame

Furniture around me has been making some sounds again recently. I think it was 3 times today, two snapping sounds and while I was chatting with mom in the kitchen, we heard something move in the cupboard.

Some time later I was in the living room, with the cat on top of the cupboard in the same room. The cat hopped down from there, bringing an old painting and a certificate down with him. Luckily, the frame of the painting survived. It was just the frame of the certificate which broke.

Recently I've been feeling like spending more time alone, meditating instead of chatting with people. Not very long ago, this also manifested in a dream where I found myself just staring at an object, meditating.

I think while celibacy might've been helpful in healing at first, I've started to suspect that sexual energy which has piled up and become stale, has caused other health issues. Since I haven't been (and still amn't) particularly keen on transforming it for psychokinesis nor spiritual developments, it has probably failed to serve much of a purpose. By focusing it on psychokinesis and spiritual developments, I suspect that I would end up the same way as I did about 10 years ago ... without motivation and enthusiasm to remain in this material world. This would conflict with my other two paths.

Last night I focused on the spot which has pained me for a couple of weeks. Quite a bit of heat and energy was released. This went on for most of the night, so I didn't sleep all that well. Woke with a bit of eye pain as well (I thought it had healed already a while ago).

Uneven flames

For some reason I had not been able to sleep much since last weekend, so I fell sick on Wednesday. Had a slight fever and kept visiting the toilet, which had become painful. Luckily, the fever only lasted for a day. On the next day I was already feeling good enough to take a walk to the tent of covid tests (just in case), which was about 6 km from home.

Anyway, today morning I had a dream with somewhat distressing symbolism.

Dream: Uneven flames

I was warming or cooking food on the gas stove, when suddenly the flames went out. I quickly picked a lighter and restarted the fire. I found it strange that the lighter kept having a small flame at the end, and the flames stuck to the bottom surface of the pot like napalm.

Ok, with the flame in control again (the intensity even responded to turning the knob, which usually has not worked in such dreams), I decided to check how the food was doing. I tried if the pot was too hot, which was not the case, and lifted it with bare hands.

Strangely, though, it was just a bunch of different components, each packaged separately in plastic. Well, whatever, I started checking the components. Some of them had nearly become burned while some other components were not even warm yet.

Just in case: In real life it's safer to turn off the gas, wait for a while for the non-burned gas to dissipate, and then restart the fire. Otherwise the gas might explode and cause nearby flammable objects to catch fire.

 

Morning

Somehow today I see my problems and choices from a broader perspective. I think I need to adjust again, in order to skip what I would consider to be a dead-end. For quite a while I've been living to please others, while trying my best to patiently wait for the chance to do what I've always wanted to do. However, since it doesn't really matter to people, I think there's not going to be such a chance unless I make one myself. Based on what a lot of people are already experimenting with, it's probably the right time.

Motivation & enthusiasm

For some reason I used to think that enthusiasm was something one was born with, and that it would wear out over time.

Recently it has started to seem that both enthusiasm and motivation can be practised. That they're skills which can be honed like any other.

Stage curtains

While a few years old, I remember being fascinated by stage curtains. It felt as if they isolated the space, making it really difficult for my physical senses to tell my location. I could still imagine what it was like outside, but while surrounded by these, I could imagine I was somewhere else .. and it felt so real.

Last night it occurred to me that this could perhaps be used for teleportation practice. With the physical senses offering no help in telling my whereabouts, it should be easier to visualize that I'm somewhere else.

Could set up identical small rooms in two different places. Then step into one of these and imagine being in the other one. Ok, maybe there would have to be a small sign which indicates which room it is, so that I wouldn't have to exit the room to check each time.

Heat and Glitches

Lost a bunch of energy in a dream a couple of nights ago. I've been feeling nervous for the past couple of days for some reason. Today I felt the heat reach the back of the eyeballs.

I'm used to the snapping and cracking sounds around me. However, a couple of nights ago when the cat slept on me, he startled each time something like this happened.

In the recent weeks, it has happened a couple of times that the UPS-es started beeping at night. I think it was on Monday that one of the UPS-es powered itself off after this happened. I probably ought to replace its batteries but I haven't seen it power itself off before. The previous time there was a brief power outage (during Christmas), it just caused all the equipment to reboot (and my home network to obtain a new IP address).