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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A forgotten dream

I had planned to practice focal meditation every night before going to sleep. That's what I also tried yesterday before going to sleep. A few minutes later I changed my mind - I was too tired for any meditation (couldn't concentrate at all). I enjoyed twitching (it was cool that I didn't freak out as I did a couple of days ago when it started to move) the covered psi-wheel for a few minutes and went to bed.


I saw a really good and interesting dream, but the thing is .. the only thing I can really remember is that someone said: "I'll let you wake up now." I woke up and it was about 6.30 (the time I had woken up the day before). I had 2 more hours to sleep and that's what I did - forgetting the dream =(.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Scientific skepticism

Read this post on vsociety yesterday morning. I really liked what kobok and Steve said. A quote:
So, lack of evidence is not evidence of lacking, but it might be reason enough for us to stop caring.

~Steve
That's something I haven't actually understood earlier. I've made the mistake a lot of times - if something seems "pink 'n fluffy", I acquire a preconception that this is what should be expected. For example, all that "Sacred Geometry" stuff in the "Flower of Life" book. I was certain it was all fluff because of its name. Well, actually, it isn't - it's just a really bad name (Why is some geometry more sacred than other geometry? Wazzup with naming everything "secret" and "sacred", when there aren't enough buyers around?) for something natural.

Thought I would like to join another more active psionics forum. I looked up psionicsonline and discovered that I had already registered, but forgotten to check the site. Anyway, I took the first post that caught my attention: If the psi-wheel is still hard. It motivated me for some more focal meditation.

I meditated, pictured myself on Saaremaa, at the top of a long tree, trying to visualize as many details around me as possible. I found it too difficult and moved on towards the house. I noticed that I had built up an inconvenient feeling towards the house (I really liked the nature around it a lot more along with all the freedom). It occurred to me that I still hadn't practiced concentration and went to the field, on which there are hay rolls. I used to sit on a hay roll and meditate, trying to feel everything around me.

This time was different - as I visualized a hay roll, it formed elastic bonds with the ground and stood up on its cap. I didn't want to sit on it like this and tried to visualize it bend back into its original orientation. It took a while before I could concentrate on it enough so that I was able to maintain the details of the visualization while also concentrating on holding it in the correct orientation.

After that, I looked at a bunch of conspectus blocks lying on the psi-wheel box. The feeling of them moving became noticeably more intense than before the meditation session. I'm not sure if it really happened or if it was just another illusion because of vivid visualization, but I saw the blocks move by about 1 cm.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Intruding psi

I had been home alone for a week. Father came home from Russia and wanted to show me the pictures he had taken. I took a chair and sat near him, but I soon noticed that I was feeling uneasy and my mood started getting unpleasant. I felt every word that he said running through my body, making me sick. It's familiar and I know that mother and sister have occasionally felt the same, while being near dad and I think that's what makes them really pissed sometimes.

Anyway, I started to analyze for the cause and found that he was energetic but tired and radiating psi all around him. It felt as if my internals were pushed and made tingly by his psi - a really uncomfortable feeling. So, I decided to ground myself in such a way that all new psi is short-circuited into the ground. I also did the "psi explosion" a couple of times, directing psi out of me in all directions. I felt a lot better and whenever the uncomfortable feeling came back, I grounded it again. It's a rude approach to just short-circuit someone else's psi, but it seemed to be working.

Emotions don't change without a reason, I guess.

Ah, I also glanced at the covered psi-wheel today. When I did, it started to turn, but when I saw it turning, my reflexes stopped it again. I'm probably afraid that people around me would notice things moving, thus trying to stabilize everything by shielding myself from all those objects. What usually happens, when I see the psi-wheel turning, reminds me of a protective shield popping around the object I'm trying to move.

While meditating some day (can't remember when), I noticed these reflexes that tried to stop my state of mind from changing (they would either block it or wake me up before entering deeper meditative states). Although I managed to turn some of them off, they still kept interfering with my focal meditation or the "chest" exercise, as I've previously called it.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Summing the few days

Whoa, almost a week of no posts. Nothing really spectacular has happened though.


I think I caught cold one day while coming home from the gym so that my neck and back of the head hurt quite bad for a few days. After a night of no sleep and healing only (visualized washing the back of my head with psi), pain finally started turning into heat.


Then yesterday it happened that a friend of mine would have lost his bicycle near our school building. He called me and asked if I had noticed anything weird when leaving the building. I hadn't seen anything suspicious and I left about 3 min before him. Anyway, almost all the fibers (about 20, he said) of the cable lock had been cut, leaving the last 3 intact. It seemed really weird to him that someone that close to taking the bicycle would have stopped it like that. Luck and good timing, I guess =P.


Yesterday evening I meditated and tried to feel "love" towards myself and objects surrounding me. I noticed how difficult it was to "love" myself, unless I looked at myself from an external viewpoint. At first it seemed like an impossible task (I seemed to have lost the feeling), but then I slowly started to feel warmth glowing out of the left side of my body and entering objects around me. For some reason, the right half of my body didn't come along with it (it stayed cold and didn't glow). I'm not sure if it would have any effect, but I was breathing through my right nostril at the time.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Fallout::rand()

Was playing Fallout 1 yesterday night and found that my character received considerably less critical hits when I blanked my mind during the combat. Also, the damage that the regular hits did, reduced about 2 folds. I was finally able to beat the Mother Deathclaw thanks to this. When I played Fallout 2 last year, I really enjoyed messing with the random encounters. I would recommend practicing the same with your favourite games.

Went to the gym with Hyena yesterday. My muscles had degraded a lot since the last summer and I grew tired before I even started sweating. For some reason (which I think is related to the gym visit), I couldn't sleep during the night - I just felt too energetic.

Also, my breathing pattern is way off again. I noticed that I was breathing through my left nostril during the night and before waking up, my right nostril opened.


Before starting visiting the gym, I had noticed an increase in the snaps that occurred near me. Already after the first day in gym, my room was suddenly unfamiliarly calm and silent.


My sister talked to me about something she had read from "The flower of life" book, which I consider fluffy and full of unargumented statements. Anyway, the discussion slowly moved from aliens and all the Atlantis stuff to parallel dimensions. I spoke with a christian a couple of weeks ago and he had understood that in each dimension, we have made different choices and thus our lives among the dimensions also differ. I can't say that it can't be so, but being a bit skeptical, I googled for "multidimensional being" and found this: http://www.spiritportal.org/bodies.html. It led me thinking that as living without ever going out from your room could bring serious health problems, so could living without ever exercising with all the other bodies (Astral, Etheric, Light and so on..). I guess we should take care of ourselves on every so-called dimension in order to stay healthy and avoid accidental damage to ourselves (http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2010/03/bugs-in-aura.html). In the physical world, this means physical exercises while in astral body, concentration and meditation exercises (generally psionics, I guess).


In physics and mathematics, the word "dimension" is used for {X - length, Y - width, Z - height, t - time} and in my opinion, "parallel realities" would be a more descriptive label for those infamous "parallel dimensions". Anyway, having looked into a few fractal surfaces, I thought that the universe could be described by one density function with all the dimensions (were there theoretically 10 or 11 of them?). In that case, all times would exist at once and we would simply be traversing through the great density function by iterating over the time argument. Time travelling could theoretically be pretty simple then - just take a bigger step forwards or backwards. The problem with such density function would be that everything would have to be predetermined and we wouldn't be able to _actually_ change anything (I wouldn't want to believe that).

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Sneaky healing

Today father said that his shoulder felt better and that he didn't know whether it was the medicine he took the day before or perhaps it was the jogging that helped (2 days ago I went jogging with my sister, then the next day father asked me to go jogging with him =).

It was also 2 days ago that I secretly tried to heal father's shoulder (in the next room) and grandmother's hand (in another town). I guess the healing of father's shoulder went well (after a while, I felt like I had nothing more to do and that it was his job to take care of the rest). However, while trying to heal the hand of my grandmother, I couldn't finish it - my focus was wearing out already.

Usually I just visualize the problem solving (bone fractures disappearing, cells regenerating and so on), but I guess it could be dangerous for the patient if I lose focus during such a visualization session. Anyway, that seems to happen when the problem is so severe or has spread so widely that I'm having trouble visualizing it all healing at once. When I don't take it on all at once, then it seems to go back to the way it was before healing (I don't know, but I'm afraid that it could also go worse).

It could all be bulls and just my imagination, but it's worth a try either way.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Psi-gradients, psi-waves

Yesterday, before going to sleep, I meditated a little. Shortly after beginning, I felt something pushing me from the left. A moment later I could feel psi flowing through the room, coming in through the walls and door and going out through the balcony. All doors and windows (don't have any in my room) were closed, so it couldn't have been the wind. Furthermore, it literally felt like psi pushing me towards the balcony.


I have felt the same before, but this time I noticed that I'm wearing a couple of shields against the flow of psi. So, I removed them and to my surprise, I didn't feel like being pushed anymore - I couldn't feel anything flowing through me either. I guess that as I had shielded myself from the flow, the psi was denser around the shield than behind it (like a psi gradient) and that's why I felt the push. Now that the shields were down, there were no gradients for me to feel it anymore (in order to measure, one has to compare it with something).


Actually, now it seems weird that I didn't understand the reason being pushed earlier. Force is the gradient of potential energy anyway (at least in the case of conservative forces).


After todays exam, I went jogging with my sister. After that, she started meditating. I couldn't find anything to do and started meditating in my room shortly afterwards.


Inspired from todays Naruto Shippuuden episode (163), I wanted to feel my surroundings again. I started feeling some pushing again, dropped my shields but it didn't seem to have done much (the psi field around me still felt pretty dense).


I wished for 'B' in Optics and released the wish with a bunch of psi. It usually reminds me of psi exploding away from me, sometimes leaving a few cold shivers. This time I felt the psi wave hit my legs (the typical feeling of psi with the tingling sensation) and cause secondary waves from them (leaving cold shivers).