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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Thursday, February 27, 2014

Rush

Today has been a stressful day. For some reason, there was a rush on everything. Now that I think about it, it seems that I kind of hate rushing.

Rushed with going to sleep last night. Had planned for going to the observatory for running some tests on the engineering model. Rushed with waking up, because today I wanted to eat breakfast also. Rushed with the breakfast, because there was barely any time left for me to walk to the school building (to make it in time for the van). Rushed with walking. At observatory, I rushed with debugging some issues in the firmware .. because I didn't want to delay the tests. Rushed with planning the test and getting acquainted with the testing equipment. Still didn't make it before the lunch. Realized I had almost forgotten to operate the satellite on a high elevation pass. After that, I rushed to lunch (an hour late but still got to eat everything I would've wished for). Rushed with eating, to make it back for preparations for the testing.

Wanted to take the time on the testing (waited for the temperature chamber to stabilize). Half-way into the tests, I realized I had forgotten a lecture (it started at the same moment that I noticed what time it was .. though, like some 20 km away from school). Waved the lecture goodbye and continued with the tests.

Had to rush at the end of testing again, because the van was about to depart. A matter of minutes to finish the tests, clean everything up, pack and rush to the van. Rushed in processing the test results while on the road. Managed to do that before we arrived back in town. Realized I still had barely enough time to rush home for the next high-elevation pass. At home, I rushed to get the processed test results up to the wiki. A few minutes till the next satellite pass. Rushed something to eat while preparing for the operations.

Although the adrenalin keeps me awake, it causes a hold of cold in the heart chakra area. It's squishing the life force out of the chest. Very unhealthy. Found 20 minutes to lay down in the bed, which I used to observe this nervousness from afar. This helped to reduce it a little.

Monday, February 24, 2014

With or without the body

Somewhere between the dreams, there was a bilocation experience. Sensed myself being transferred to grandma's house. Heard the sounds there and stuff already, could almost see myself in their living room. Still, teleportation sort of has me frightened - what if it really happened.. I might end up in some weird parallel universe at some strange timeline, unable to find my way back. This fear was also there this time. At first I let the experience unfold, then at some moment I tried to remember what this apartment looked like. Opened the eyes while the consciousness was still spread between the two places and found myself back at the apartment.

Now that I think back on it, the target location is different. There's no bed in that corner of the living room. There used to be. Now there's a home-built plane simulator. Thus, I would've popped into some alternate reality. However, this teleportation might've left the body at the apartment. Though, it's a bit difficult for me to tell the difference when something works on the astral or on the real body. The difference in the sensations seems very subtle.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Planescape

Feeling good. A walk to lab made the day. It made me happy and it cleared the sky of clouds as well. This, in turn, made people around the town happy.

Kara no Kyoukai is pretty good. Also, Planescape Torment is really good (a lot of pk quotes).

A divided mind is an unfocused mind. A divided mind fractures walls and weakens stone. Many divided minds may destroy a city.

When a mind does not know itself, it is flawed. When a mind is flawed, the man is flawed. When a man is flawed, that which he touches is flawed. It is said that what a flawed man sees, his hands make broken.

The city [Sigil] exists in opposition to itself. It has set itself apart from the planes, yet it seeks to be everywhere at once. Its walls are doors, yet it keeps these doors locked. Such an existence tells of a thing that does not know itself. In not knowing itself, it is flawed.
~Dak'kon

A few days ago, I had a dream where I went outside. Sought a nice spot under some young birch trees. Slept the night there. This made me feel nice and fresh by the morning. Though, caught a slight cold.

Next night I had a dream, where I walked through a field of green grass and beautiful flowers.

Spontaneous moments of meditation. Recently I've found it easier to observe emotions and feelings. Several of these experiences have been from foreign viewpoints.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Queer dreams

Some weird dreams, perhaps slightly related to watching a movie from the Kara No Kyoukai series.

There was an old building, where children were playing. The building was close to falling apart. From my perspective, these children were in danger. However, I was also climbing around in there and I did not sense any danger to me.

Left the building and stepped into a wooden building, where I saw my aunt and grandma. Grandma looked very worried, even stressed out. Her eyes were red from crying a lot and not getting enough sleep. Held her hand.

In that dream, it seemed as if there were another death in our family. When uncle left, I didn't feel sad. However, in this dream I suddenly felt so sad that I cried with grandma.

A couple of nights ago, I also saw a strange dream. There was a group of people in some sort of a container orbiting something in space. They were in a lot of trouble, disappointed and depressed. In the darkness, we started cranking the electronics open, looking for something we could use to save ourselves. Not sure I had a body there and if I did, it interacted different from the bodies of others. There was a metal enclosure with something attached to the lid so that the men couldn't get it open. I stretched my hand inside and simply pulled the lid loose and giving them what they had been looking for. They thanked me, after which we walked out of the dream bubble, to the front yard of my summerhouse.

Actually, I think that dream was a training of some sort. After we had finished the training, we had to choose roles for the next training session. The two men were itching to be some sort of leaders, quarreling about. One of the men considered me a close friend and asked me if I also wanted to become the leader. I said I didn't care what role to play. Dream ended.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Dry leaf knocking at the door

Altered the weather yesterday again. Fancied some more sunlight for change. Some time later, sun came out for some minutes. This was enough to cheer me. Later sister mentioned there was sunlight for a moment. Said the sun might come out again, although soon it would probably be sunset already. On my way to a meeting, focused on sunlight a little more. Sunshine for a few more minutes.
After the meeting and a lecture, the sky was clear. Thanks to this, today was a very pretty day with a lot of sunshine.

Yesterday's levitation practise caused the wind to pick up. Air humidity made it chilly.

Saw a dry leaf knock on a door to my left. Blew it back away from the door (180 degree turn), made a 90 degree turn on the edge of the road and then had wind blow it forward. Eventually walked past it. That was fun. :)

Yesterday I tried to look at myself from an external viewpoint. Saw a lot of sadness in there. Focused on that from an observer's point of view.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Who flipped the switch?

Tired.

Interesting how sometimes I'm seeing dreams and then all of a sudden the light switch is flipped and everything is pitch black blank .. no dreams, no thoughts, nothing. It's just the sound of a light switch and complete silence in the mind. Woke up to check if the light had been switched off somewhere, but this didn't seem to have been the case.

Geisted a few bundled plastic cups rolling on the table today. Might've also been a pen in another classroom.
Wind seemed to be responding rather well, too.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Inaudible sound

Meditated and noticed something I didn't quite expect. There was a part of me that was being affected by some sort of inaudible sound. Inaudible unless meditating on it. It was a buzzing sound with slight changes in phases and frequencies.

Rendered myself immune to the noise, while continuing its observation. Then traced the signal, after which, I guess I lost awareness.

Several hours later, an old friend appeared and started linking u-tube videos on mind control.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Pk push attempt on balcony door

Inspiring discussions with dad and sister last night. Sister showed a playlist of 8 simple habits for self-mastery. Found them inspiring:
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE3F7F8EEE8578ABD

Dad had found some interesting info on cancer. It seemed he had realized the feeling that describes cancer. When the conditions inside the body become uninhabitable, parts of the body would restore their native abilities to grow and replicate in harsh environments (cells can grow without oxygen). Just for survival, they would spread and seek for better conditions. Stress, malnutrition and sleep deprivation contribute to problems with the conditions inside the body.
..I miss the terms and proper ways to convey this..

Opened the balcony door for fresh air and went to bed. Later tried to close it via pk. There's a large box not far from the door and I had sort of forgotten it was there, at least I wasn't aware of it. I only saw and sensed the door and its immediate surroundings. Prepared to push the door, but with the psi intensity growing at the target, the large box suddenly snapped real loud and startled me out of focus (and back into body).

A dream of OBE or RV, where I observed the bookshelf.

A dream where I observed some royal ceremony during the medieval times or somesuch. Something seemed out of the ordinary there - a group of psions were invited as honorary guests. They moved kitchen utensils, levitated bread and stuff like that. Everybody was in high spirits.

I've recently noticed the lights at school flickering around me again.

Several little events of synchronicity in daily life.

Visited a shop where they had me roll triple dice for discount. What an ingenious idea. Rolled 6, 6, 2 and got 14% discount.

Caught cold today. Tried not to fight it and to accept cold for what it is. Didn't seem all that successful.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Ego and karma stuff

A few days ago, suddenly for a brief moment, the figure of a Hindu deity appeared in my mind's eye. It appeared from a feeling.

Ego and karma stuff going on. Ego whines because of the situations it's put in and it's afraid I would dislike it if it makes mistakes. On the other hand, I've noticed that recently ego-irritating things have had slightly less effect.

Yesterday I found a 2.5 cm long shard of glass stuck in my left boot. Took effort to pull it out. Judging by the length and angle, its tip must've been barely a millimeter or two from the feet. Don't have a clue where I got it from.

A few days before, took some lighter shoes instead of those boots. By the time I was about to walk home, the ground had frozen and it was slippery. A neat concentration practice on each step for about 40 minutes.

Recently dreams have become a bit strange. Strange in unlike the usual.

Last night I had a dream of some strange sports guy. He was making all sorts of tricks on a horizontal bar, some of which looked like levitation to me. The guy himself didn't know that. He had simply trained for fun and found something new. He had a video clip from 1994 on youtube, parts of which were in cartoon form with deep spiritual wisdom. Watched it, but I guess he lost the sports match there. Then I guess he quit the sports or died, dunno. The rest of the video clip (more than an hour) was all in a cartoon form. Can't remember the situations and quotes but it was a story of a man, heavy-packed with spiritual wisdom. The story featured lemurians, martians, some other races and nature spirits.

I guess the plot was something like this:
The main character felt lonely and alienated. He went to Mars. There he met another race, the thought patterns of which he didn't understand. This caused conflicts between this guy and the locals there. This guy kept defending himself, while the locals considered it an attack. In panic, the locals abandoned the planet and fled to Earth. In fear and misunderstanding, they caused a lot of conflict, panic and war on Earth. The man on the Mars was now even more lonely and alienated. Also, he had caused a war between two races even though that was not his intention at all.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Disgust?

Yesterday morning when I woke up, I saw a ball of white light through the window. It then faded away. Refraction of car lights?

Couldn't sleep today morning since 7 AM. There has been a pattern to the recent dreams (last 2 nights).

A couple of nights ago, I was walking around on the street, when I found a large trash can. Sensed something malicious in there. Went in to investigate. Found a bag full of maggots of some sort with just the parasitic intent to consume flesh (dead or alive) and replicate. Feeling disgusted, I was about to step out, only to realize that I was standing on them. Could feel them wiggle around inside and coming out through the mouth. Stepped out, after which, this sensation stopped (lacked a physical body). Fled with panic .. making my escape using whatever pk powers I could think of - flying through solids.

Last night, I was discussing something with dad or sister, while holding an alkaline battery in my hand. It started leaking and when I realized what was happening, my left hand was covered in the liquid. It seemed that as soon as it came into contact with the skin of that semi-holographic body, I could taste it in my mouth. Anyway, my mouth was full of this substance that was slowly decomposing the inside of my mouth. Went into my room, put some effort into focus and managed to extract and separate it in the mouth. By then, it had become something sticky and green-looking. Spit it out little by little.

Several hours later in the dream, when everyone else had went to sleep, I finished cleaning my mouth. Right when I did, I realized there was a cat behind the door. Opened the door.

The cat was crazy about this body and kept jumping at it and rubbing against it. It stood on its tail and jumped from there and whatnot .. very weird tricks. Anyway, this cat had a white spot below its chin (not completely black, as the cat from that OBE). Wasn't sure what others would say about this cat .. well, it seemed I wouldn't be able to do much about it when dad would tell me to toss it out. Had no control over this cat. I think it pooped on my foot and I had to go spit it out again. Turned on the lights and checked the floor, intending to clean it. Couldn't spot anything on the floor.

I guess I had another dream in the meanwhile. When I woke up into this dream (simple transfer of consciousness), I noticed that the cat was still there, jumping around in, on and behind the furniture. In fact, the furniture had changed its place. Started moving it back so that I could at least use the doors to move around. Without knowing where the cat was or would be, while moving furniture, I tried doing it slowly so that the cat would be able to predict the movement without being squashed.

Woke up in another dream. Chin was twitching pretty violently. Looked into the mirror and saw that it was indeed twitching a lot. Also, half the face was itching. Stared at it for some time, then scratched it violently. Woke up, couldn't sleep anymore. Drank some yeast + honey + milk to clean the system.

This dream pattern seems to indicate problems with me disliking what I encounter due to an increase in empathy or sensitivity. Shouldn't flee from stuff. Shouldn't panic. Nothing is dangerous when approached with wisdom.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Semi-holographic walk

An interesting dream / OBE. Became self-aware in my room. Verified that my body was on the bed, asleep. Had another body of sorts (looked the same).

Walked towards the door .. saw my reflection on the mirror. Apparently, I was wearing the grey sweater. Had trouble opening the door, though. I guess I eventually went through the door and headed towards the bathroom (since it would at least look normal, even though I actually didn't have any desire to go anywhere). Could tell that father was awake and aware of me, although he was in his bedroom. Had similar trouble with bathroom door. After several attempts to close it, I thought I finally managed to .. only to realize that I actually hadn't. Although I had a body, it was semi-holographic or something.

During the whole dream, I put forth effort to maintain this slightly unstable state. Tried to maintain my attention on the surroundings and it details, to keep my consciousness attuned to this particular plane of existence.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Half-sweat

While applying focus on some area in the chest, I saw two pulsating lights in the dark (red and blue - one to my left, the other to my right). While applying focus on some area in the abdomen, I saw one pulsating light (green). Haven't encountered such visuals before.

Don't know why, but somehow in some dream state, I weighed all the pros and cons and decided to break celibacy. Several fail-safe mechanisms got triggered and the outcome was not all that catastrophic. Tried to use the situation to overcome the problem by focusing on the lump of warm psi that caused it.

Next time I woke up, it was really hot. Realized the left half of the body was completely soaked in sweat. However, the right half of the body was completely dry. This didn't seem to be related to the side I was sleeping on (at first I thought it was), because the same thing happened when I had turned onto the other side.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Observing pain

Driving home for hours is a pain in the butt. Instead of trying to work around it, this time I focused on the pain from an observer's perspective. Some warm psi came out and the pain reduced.

Tried the same method on cold today. Some time later, I noticed that it was no longer cold .. it had become warm without me noticing.

When ego is raving, the same method can be applied. Usually results in an expansion of hot psi.

Recently I've been applying focus on space and on the field of light. Last night when I focused on a trace of some sort next to the spinal column, I noticed how large the cloud of consciousness had become with the concentration on space and light. After some focus, this trace melted away, released warm psi and I was surrounded by golden light.

Realized that my problems with the lungs and throat are directly linked to the feeling of alienation and loneliness .. feeling out of place .. that I don't belong here. This explains the severity of these problems while in service (that's where I felt the most alienated). On the other hand, this alienation and loneliness can be used as a motivation for pk and spiritual practices (leaving others behind and going where there's no way back).

Would be cool to learn the essence of pain, cold, heat, hunger, disease. Like some guy, who, after studying pain for years, sped against a wall, reconstructed his body with psychokinesis and just walked away.

While focused on the field of light, the sensation of body weight fades away (it's claimed that photons have no mass), so it could be of use for levitation practice as well.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Uncle's funeral

People said that at the church, there was a blackout and they set up a generator. There was a photo of uncle on his coffin, which slid and fell off when the pastor had finished his speech. Missed it - I was shovelling snow at the graveyard.

At the graveyard, wind stopped when pastor spoke. When uncle's friend shaman started singing some powerful words, a strong wind picked up. The same happened when one of uncle's friends started playing one of uncle's songs on his concertina.

Once the grave was finished and covered in wreaths and flowers, birds started chirping. This one really surprised people. It's very rare to hear birds chirping during the winter. Somehow missed the sound of the birds chirping.

Ego started raving in the evening. Realized again that I'm too different to be able to chat with people as they do. Just eating and later staring at candle flame was the best I could do. Still, our egos started flaming some time later as well.

The day before there were a few blackouts (several villages). Found Caspar staring at an incense candle in the dark. Joined him. Other people kept asking "what are u doing?" That practice session felt like it made a difference (felt floaty after that).

Tried rotating a hanging flower pot occasionally. It rotated really slow.