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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Monday, November 30, 2015

Thick fingers

Tough morning.

Last night I enjoyed enlarging the cloud of consciousness. Though, in a slightly different way than before. I tried to picture the fibres or tentacles or whatever they should be called, which were mentioned in Castaneda's books. Found them coming out from somewhere between the abdomen and stomach. Perhaps those protrusions are what automatically keeps me upright some-strange-times? Perhaps those are also causing the snapping and crackling sounds throughout the room?

Anyway I became aware of these protrusions becoming thicker .. then the consciousness cloud counterpart of my fingers and everything becoming thicker and thicker like balloons.

Interesting dreams again, which I don't quite remember. The dreams had something to do with spiritual symbolism again (ovens and old buildings with all sorts of secrets hidden within the walls and such).

No you're not

oO Yay, I'm gonna practice pk after such a long while. So, I sit down on the bed with the cat and a can. I'm just about to get the concentration going when the door bell beeps and dad comes for a visit. He borrowed the vacuum cleaner. He leaves, then sister comes home and starts chatting. Then something else comes up.

In the evening I'm all "CoOL, now gonna practice pk and stuffs!" I sit down on the bed with the cat and a can. I'm just about to get into the state of mind when the door bell beeps and dad comes for a visit. He brought the vacuum cleaner back. Since he has time to kill, we discuss some aspects of how the world works. He leaves.

I think: "Perhaps could practice pk now.." The door bell beeps (sister is about to come home again). So, called it a day, yesterday .. and uh, took a shower and went to bed, instead.

There were some interesting dreams, but I've forgotten them.

Woke up stressed, because I remembered stuff I had to do, which I hadn't had the time to do previously. Took today very serious. Listened to metal and skipped smiles.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

The pillow is alive!

Finished Ghost Hound yesterday.

For the past couple of nights, I've been attempting to stay motionless and thoughtless until the body falls asleep. Last night was already a bit more interesting. No OBEs, but the pillow twitched and made sounds. It once made a booming sound. Also heard this sound of breathing out of the body .. but the body wasn't quite asleep yet and I was back whenever I tried to move around.

If nothing else, last night improved concentration quite a bit. Have been feeling quite floaty today.

There was something important about the meditations last night. Eventually remembered that after all those rounds of relaxation (falling asleep, waking up again and repeating the relaxation perhaps about 20 times?), I noticed a presence with unconditional love. I was sincerely surprised. This made me feel bad about treating myself as carelessly as I've done so far.

Today there was some sort of energy coming up from the stomach, which had the tendency of making me feel angry about things. Tried to clear obstructions so that the energy would flow better, while also trying not to judge things. Without judgement and blockages, this energy did not transform into anger. It was just heat.

Oh, I've also managed to get too much wind into the right ear and the wind has not come out. It hurts a little.

Friday, November 27, 2015

Excited about excitons

Yesterday I really enjoyed the environment while walking the last kilometre to work from the bus stop. Sun was shining and trees were swaying very slightly. Got entangled to the air for a moment. Since then, wind picked up. Today there has been quite strong wind. I heard that even a storm has been predicted for the upcoming days.

Last night I heard the sound of deeply breathing out from the body, which was at a distance (has usually happened just before OBE). No OBE, though. Dreams have been boring, too (just games).

Today an extraordinary excitement struck me when a lecturer was describing excitons in crystal lattices. Haven't heard a lecture that captivating for years. A lot of curiosity and ideas of research topics & applications came to mind. There it also occurred to me that limpidprogress' idea for obtaining immortality for working on all the hobbies .. you know, maybe it's not that far-fetched after all?

Realized the feeling of cold is nothing other than unbalanced Yin and Yang. I have plenty of Yin, but there's a problem with Yang. Especially when I'm chatting with someone about spiritual stuff. So, I just need to stay still and meditate a lot more. In addition to random moments of meditation, I have been feeling a few waves of heat, followed by the familiar sensation of the bindu fluid spreading around in the head.

Ghost Hound is amazing.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Pk research cooperation?

Nice, a colleague successfully defended their PhD thesis. I was rather nervous there, keeping myself back from comments on issues that I thought were not addressed.

My essay presentation about the properties of finite and infinite universes went okay as well, I guess. It wasn't as smooth as I would have liked it to be. And there were practically no questions from the audience, nor did they laugh at what I hoped would be funny.

Anyway, that's it with the course on religion, science, pseudo-science. Generally I marvelled at the intelligence of the lecturer, though, his motives seemed a bit unclear. Obviously he was lying when he said that he had not had any weird experiences but had heard a lot of stories from people. So, asked him about it and he admitted having had experiences with telepathy. We discussed some stuff, I mentioned a couple of my experiences and he asked me if I would like to cooperate in the research of these phenomena. His methods are still a bit unclear to me (got the impression that he wants to adapt the world - whereas I want to adapt myself to the world), so I did not give a clear answer but definitely agreed to discuss these things sometime or other. I'm a bit happy about that :).

Regarding telepathy, he said he heard the thoughts of other people. Most often, the unvoiced thoughts. This was sort of new to me, because I don't hear thoughts and I don't think I have. So far I have only felt thoughts.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

How did I get here?

After seeing the first episode of Ghost Hound, I hoped to experience a lucid dream or an OBE. Well .. I guess I had a regular dream. It was very vivid and I couldn't recognize that I was dreaming.

Did some work, then had long discussions with Dad and aunt's husband on Saaremaa (it felt like I had been there for 3 days already or something). Then, at some point I said: "Ok guys, I have to leave for work.." and was about to leave. Uh .. wait, it's like 400 km. Would have to get to town and catch a bus, which would then travel for like 4 hours. Checked the mobile phone for time. 9:07 AM. What? I double-check it. 9:07 AM. I checked the sky and the clouds were indeed lit brightly enough for it to be 9 AM. No way I'm going to make it back by 8:30 AM. A colleague would have provided me a lift to work. Strange, he should've already called by now, asking where I am. It was a bit breezy, but when I looked up at the trees in the yard, I thought it might be strong enough so that the ferry is not moving. Well, whatever .. it was now 9:08 AM .. could just stay here and work from here :). I'll just send an SMS apologizing.. Dream loses integrity and I wake up at home and it's 6:58 AM and still dark(ish) outside.

Quite persistent. Especially the dream body, mobile phone menus, text and numbers, logical time progression and so on.. Such dreams have been quite rare, for me at least.

Monday, November 23, 2015

Fake responsibilities

Couldn't sleep last night (too much sleep during the weekend). Some sort of a stomach ache slipped past my adblock as well. Healing attempt didn't do any good, but drinking water made me feel better.

Tension increased further, until at some moment  I started to wonder about it. I know stress is a dead-end, so I'm going the wrong way again. It doesn't matter if I have too many responsibilities to properly fulfil them. Should keep in mind that most of my responsibilities are not really mine anyway. I have taken them because nobody else has. So, there would be nothing wrong if I simply fulfilled as much as I could and leave the rest for others to pick up. Especially since this would reduce the stress aka "friction" and increase my productivity. This train of thought made me happy, though, not without sacrifices. Those cutlets and potato peels were already turning black on the frying pan.

While discussing some law and investment stuff, I was playing with a toy seal. Then, at some moment I started laughing and had to put it away. Suddenly I had the impression of it being alive.

iMm0rTa1 suggested "Ghost Hound" (lucid dreams, OBE, hypnosis and probably more). Watched the first episode and found it really good.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Pressure on the teeth

Have been squeezing out the productivity from the weekend. On Saturday, I worked for 2 hours, slept for 30 min, worked for 2 hours and so on. While asleep, I continued work on the problems. Got quite a lot done.

Though, when I decided to go to bed for the night, the cat entered the room. He climbed over the cactus and wanted to chew on the plants. I took him out of there. He went back, but tried a different route each time. The last one was not safe, and he failed. He managed to pull the cactus off the window sill, which then fell on an old lamp shade. Protecting the cactus, the lamp shade shattered into pieces. I was quite surprised and a little bit sad, because I had forgotten the lamp shade even existed. Could have prevented it if I had seen it through. Well .. no precognition, either.

Obviously, the cat was really sorry and wanted to see what happened. It was really difficult to keep him away from the glass shards.

Anyway, finally in bed, I felt a strong pressure on the teeth. Thought Khechari Mudra would release the pressure, but that wasn't so. It had minimal effect. As I relaxed gradually, there were various crackling and snapping noises in the room.

Dreams were generally boring. Well, played a video game, which was interesting at first .. but I sucked at it. In one of the dreams, I walked to a train stop but it was all empty. I was there at midnight and had to wait for others who would come back from an excursion (something involving a boat trip, I guess). So, I meditated there for a few hours. After that, everything looked as if on fast forward. Someone asked me to guard their backpack .. but I couldn't even keep track of it. A lot of people put their backpacks and stuff there, picked them up again and left for trains.

Focused on a dot on the wall for about a minute today. Lost bodily awareness and started zooming in on the target for a moment.

While walking outside today, I noticed how I was feeling rather floaty and nicely focused. Still focusing on the bindu point (after a day of relaxation), by the way. Occasionally encountered a sharp pain in the pineal gland region.

Had an interesting idea, but it would be a bit harsh to realize it now: changing the blog format into a cartoon / manga. This would improve drawing skills a lot. But would also consume a lot of time for expressing the simplest of things. Some day .. some day .. or night.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Precognition

There has been a side-project for salaries. Though, now about 1.5 weeks before the end of the project, suddenly the list of deliverables changes. As if the schedule weren't tight already =/.

Well, personally I can't whine about it, because I suspected that would happen. I expressed the concern to our management about a year ago when the contract was signed. They said: "Don't worry, the only deliverables are .. .. ." Well, now it's a problem. Luckily, out of intuition I have been working on the new deliverables before too (although others have been repeating "It's of low priority, stop working on that!") - so we'll be able to deliver at least something.

Another project. I was asked to prepare a Gantt chart with a realistic project timeline. Did (estimated the timeline with the assumption that there are no delays, then multiplied everything by 4 or 5). Answer was: "We can't accept that, it's way over the deadlines". So, shrunk the timeline and tried to make the process faster. Well, after all those delays it seems the realistic project timeline was pretty close to how things have been going. Again, back when management discussed whether we should accept this project, I said we don't have the manpower. "Nah, we'll get more from somewhere." We still don't have enough people and now that I'm expected to work on the side-project and another colleague is busy with school, we pretty much don't have anyone to work on it. The day before the side-project issue came up, we had a meeting with the international partners and I told them we had higher priority issues to deal with, till the next meeting (not knowing, what the issues would be).

Finally bought a laptop for sister yesterday. The thing is, she liked the laptop at a relatively unpopular store. I've been walking past that store for about a year, drooling at the exact same laptop, wanting to buy it .. but for whom? It doesn't have an SSD, so it wouldn't have been very useful for me. Lucky that they had several, so there were still some left.

Sigh (sighing is unhealthy, by the way). All in all, I guess I should put way more trust in precognition.

Worrying about the side-project, I hadn't eaten anything but breakfast till 7 PM or so. Browsed the fridge and found an old mix of vegetables and cutlets. Poured it on the frying pan and noticed the vegetables and cutlets had stuck together with pieces of fungus. Also, based on the smell, the vegetables had become sour. Sigh. Fried it and ate it. Realized that the "getting sick" reaction is a matter of attitude anyway - if you're disgusted with the food, then it wants to come out. It tasted, for the lack of a better word, .. interesting.

Worrying about the side-project, I wasn't very productive past 9 PM. So I went to bed early, trying to free the mind. It took multiple passes to clear the mind and relax the body. Then to change myself in order to cope with the situation at hand. At some moment, I felt myself sort of blob together from scattered pieces into a single cloud of consciousness. This is the only way I can focus on the task at hand, to finish it efficiently enough.

Had an interesting dream. Me and sister had moved, although throughout the dream, sister remained in the old apartment. The new apartment was not ordinary. Although it was the same size, it seemed way larger. At first I had difficulties orienting in the rooms, as if the space-time was not linear. By going through a doorway, one could get to any other rooms (including the old apartment).

Another dream, where me and some sort of a companion were hiking / running through places, trying to remain undetected.

Yet another dream, where I approached the channel. There were a lot of people there, digging (or levelling out sand) with spades. I asked "How come you're all in swimsuits when it's November?" I don't think I received any response. Walked around, curious about what was going on. Stepped in a place where a guy threw a bunch of sand at me. I didn't mind, but his reaction was different. I guess all of them were a bit dozed off or something, just doing something (some digging, some swimming, some having a tan).

Stayed in bed a bit longer, trying to meditate while having focus on the bindu point. Ended up getting OBE noise, instead. For a couple of times, I somehow managed to relax enough so that the noise changed. Found myself in a strange version of my room (I guess). There was a large cabinet between the door and me. I recognized the halogen lamp on the wall .. but it looked different. It had some sort of a diffusing paper or plastic film on it.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

A bit of bindu .. and geisting?

Only managed to sleep for 4 hours. Woke up from a dream where I was being chased by an entity. It all started when I approached the edge of the dream (forbidden area), looking for a nice house. Well, turned back, only to find someone pointing a turret at me. He didn't fire, but he had nothing stopping him, either. There wouldn't have been anything left, if he had fired. Although there had been a guardian (looked like an old friend) with me, he stood down and sided with the man operating the turret. Tested him, but he seemed like a machine. I was pulled out of the dream, I think. Now there was a slightly different man chasing me and sister. Fled through walls and stuff, but he always caught up. He was not a machine, though, and each time I managed to flee, he became softer.

This dream was triggered by the chat with mother the previous night. She had visited an old man, who had a house, a restaurant, an apartment and a summer house. The man wanted to sell at least one of these. Mother and her new husband liked the summer house the most. However, the summer house was the dearest to the old man. I suggested avoiding the summer house.

The focus on the bindu point has degraded. So, I can't maintain focus on one point for more than a couple of days .. yet. Anyway, as a work-around, I tried relaxing the focus while maintaining attention in that point.

Waited for a bus outside. It was cold. Nah, stop whining. The weather is the way it is, my own fault if I'm too weak to enjoy it properly. Then like 5 or 6 people appeared and started smoking all around me. Stop whining, you have air to breathe .. wait, too picky on air quality? Well, on one hand I know that the body is one of the most precious gifts that a soul can have and it needs proper care. But then again, constantly pampering and then whining when pampering is not possible .. that's just plain wrong.

Stopped fighting sleep on the bus to work, and closed the eyes. I was immediately in astral, working on some sort of math problems (finding relations between objects in patterns). Then, suddenly mind went blank and I no longer felt tired.

While at work, I felt quite uncomfortable - a bit dizzy with some mild nausea at various spots in the body. Then something happened (a popping sound in the head) and I felt the familiar sensation of the bindu fluid propagating down the central channel and spreading throughout the body. Tried to maintain the flow without obstructing it.

Got a lift back to town for a lecture. I was sort of dozing off when the speakers started crackling loud. First reaction was: "Geisting?" However, as I paid more attention to the sound, I could make out a humming background, which I think betrayed the cause - someone probably switched on some heavy lab equipment. After about 10 seconds or so, both the crackling as well as the humming stopped. At the end of the lecture, there were a few sporadic crackles from the speakers but without any humming background. This left me a bit puzzled .. maybe it was geisting after all?

Took a bus home. The bus behaved a bit strange. First of all, some kind of a side panel for lights electronics was open. Since it was raining, I sneakily closed it. While in the bus, I saw that the middle doors were shut tight and there was a sign: "Sorry, the door is out of order". An old lady stood next to me. When I finally suspected that she wanted to get off, it was almost too late. Still, she managed to make her way to the other door and leave.

Arrived home. No wifi? Hmm .. UPS is off. Switched it on, it kept beeping and indicating a dead battery. Well, the battery was just fine in the morning .. weird. So, I plugged all the stuff in the regular extension cord. Wifi access point switched on, but cable modem did not. Traced its power cable and got to an adapter, which smelled bad. Plugged it out and cut it open -- a ceramic capacitor had short-circuited and burned into coal. In addition, the isolation of a nearby transformer had melted from the heat of the explosion. No wonder the UPS battery is dead. Thought it would be a wonder if the modem would still be alive (possible because the adapter had two transformers with filters). Sought for a 15 V, 1 A supply but realized it would be too much work to assemble one for just testing the modem. Eventually sister woke up and used her phone to find the nearest service provider office, which was still open for 30 more minutes (enough to catch a bus and get there). As it turned out, the modem was also toast. But since the service is registered to dad's name, they did not accept the modem for replacement (not from me, at least).

All those incidents together in a sequence within an hour or two .. perhaps still geisting?

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Hike, flight dream

A dream with an old classmate, who missed my birthday wishes. I didn't and still don't mind :).
Anyway, there was some kind of an orienteering hiking competition and we were in a team together. He used to be the fastest runner in the school, so he went quite fast. I managed to catch up with him, then went ahead, then he caught up and so on. It was quite fun, and eventually we flew around. Then after that, we rolled around on skateboards (first time for me, but he was quite proficient at it).

Ears (one at a time) started ringing quite loud. At the same time, something was going on with the blockages in the head. Also noticed distinct streams of heat coming from the hands.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Metal sphere

Started focusing on the bindu on the top of the head a couple of days ago. The first night I found a very bright white light on top of the head. In the previous years, I've seen it as yellow or golden but not white like that.

I've been feeling alone .. with an urge to do something amazing. However, nothing feels amazing. Well, digging into meditation, psychokinesis, ufology, conspiracy theories might be the closest. So I visited Mark's forum and saw a post by nowforever13:
http://psychicinvestigation.forumotion.com/t2935-small-metal-ball-with-strange-writting

He showed a small metal ball with a strange writing.



Drew it up and thought it looked like an illustration of a procedure of some sort (shapeshifting?).

The same sequence repeats around the sphere (twice?). It looks as if the dot symbolizes the beginning or the end. When read from the right, there's an arc (marks the quarter of a sphere?) with a plus. Then, 3 more plus signs appear. Three of them on the top merge into a line, as does the plus sign in the middle. Then the lines merge and a part of the arc is pulled inward (close but not touching the top line). The way the arc changes its shape, made me associate the illustration with shapeshifting. Don't know what the plus signs and lines are about, though. Anyway .. exciting enough, so I browsed the web for alien languages, metal spheres and crop circles:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Paranormal/comments/1lrqj5/this_is_driving_me_crazy_metal_balls/
http://hauntedohiobooks.com/news/materializing-mediums-and-flower-apports/ 

Edit: For comparison, dad referenced this sphere story:



Recently I've been playing Hitman a lot. Probably it has made its way into the dreams. There was a young girl, who got trapped into a foster care of some sort. I thought both parents were dead, but then someone turned up: "We have a problem. Her mother has suddenly become a millionaire, learned levitation and telekinesis." I found it inspiring and wondered how that could be a problem at all.



Birthday. Visited a small shop on my way home, because I felt like it. Rational vs. irrational mind. There are larger stores near home, why go there? Went there .. "See? No cakes. Period." Eventually found something that caught my attention. The only cake-like thing, which was on the cookie shelf. Read the contents .. "It contains rum (in addition to a lot of additives) and is not suitable for children." Bought it anyway, wondering why I would do that.

While on the bus, I realized that I could think about it this way: someone brings / offers cake, I look at the contents and start whining. Wouldn't that be, like, arrogant or something? There's cake and I should be happy about it, no matter what sort of cake.

Well, it happened that dad stopped by, and brought salad and a large chocolate cake as well. Then sister appeared with fruits and a friend of hers (stranger for me). So, all in all there were five of us, plus a cat.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Radiation tolerance

Bionerd23 on radiation tolerance:
http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-woman-who-ate-chernobyl-s-apples?kwp_0=61282

Push away your fears and everything you've heard, and embrace the Zone

Cool..

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Delocalized levitation

Last night I took another old exercise. Relaxed and spread the consciousness throughout the room. At first this released some of the tension in the body, produced vortices of the "dark smoke" as well as flashes of light (might have been light in the astral or something). then at some moment I realized I was delocalized without a sense of body. I could hear sounds from other rooms, apartments very well. Noticed that there was no astral noise. No vibrations or sounds from leaving the body, no detectable singularities or memory-holes (didn't fall asleep), either. In addition, I felt weightless. As I slowly gathered together into the body again, gradually the weight came back.

There are a couple of things about this that I want to determine with further experiments:
  1. Does the body also dematerialize when I become delocalized?
  2. Does the body levitate while I'm feeling weightless and descending back into the bed?
Well, this
  1. sounds quite improbable,
  2. sounds as stupid as in Castaneda's book,
  3. would be awesome if it really did work like that,
  4. wouldn't matter any if it really did.
Anyway, couldn't sleep too well again last night. Cat wanted to play at 3 AM, at 4 AM, 6 AM and at 7 AM (alarm, so I woke up). Although it doesn't help with my sleep, but I find it kind of cool that the cat has almost figured out how the doors work. At night he pulls the door handle. He's still a bit too young and light to actually open the door, but it's still rather annoying at night =3.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Tired

Cat.

Someday I thought: "Why cats don't put things back the way they were, after making a mess?" Then I realized they haven't been designed that way. They simply can't do that. It is their job to make chaos and mine to transform it into order again. Similarly, I'm probably stirring up chaos in the eyes of some very highly evolved energy beings and they have to clean up after me. I don't like this at all, and feel guilty for not being evolved enough. Sometimes the cat feels the same, sometimes it simply accepts that it can't do much about it (and thus, doesn't worry about it).

Woke up tired. Went to lecture .. what a yawn party that was. Tried all sorts of tricks I've had in the sleeves against sleep. Focused psi into a thin glowing filament in the central channel. With this method, I saw a very vivid image of the dot of a green laser today morning. This opened up the chakras and I realized I've been doing it wrong. Enabled the upward flow of psi. For a moment, I was no longer tired, eyesight immediately improved at least 3x. But it didn't last long. Soon I was yawning even more.

Left for the bus stop. Waited for a bus, wondering what it was that made me this tired. Found myself staring at a puddle .. "Mmm, fresh water. No, scratch that. I wonder how many bacteria are in there. Must be a lot." :: a large crow shrieked, flew over my left shoulder, swooped down on the puddle and crossed the road. :: I suspect that with my thoughts, I was creating some sort of a construct on the puddle, which the crow popped. While I thought the situation was a bit unexpected, I wasn't really startled. However, there was a girl at a distance of about 2 m so that the crow had flown through from between us. She looked at me, shocked and a bit afraid.

With the cat around, need to be careful with thoughts. He's good at telepathy and takes things literally.

Friday, November 6, 2015

Rudimentary self-analysis

Last night I noticed a flux of vibrating heat being projected out of the left hip. Barely felt it in the hip. However, my left arm was next to the hip, hot and twitching at the closest point. As I moved my left arm away from the hip, the heat and twitching decreased gradually. As I moved my left arm back, the twitching did not restart, although the heat was still being emitted there. Also observed how the lack of free-flowing psi / psi pressure in the stomach inhibited chemical reactions (stomach acid doesn't interact with food -- no wonder the digestion process is slowed down).

Yet another girl, who made me melt. I blame the same psi blockage that's causing the digestion issues too. Noticed that wherever I looked, I still happened to be looking at her. Then she sat next to me .. bitter-sweet that she left the meeting rather soon and I could properly focus again.

Anyway, there's another one, who has made me melt almost each time I've seen her .. and so for 4 or 5 years already. Once fell in love too, but at an inappropriate time and somehow managed gain control again.

So, there are people like this. Then there are people, whom I simply know. At a course meeting today met a girl again, whom I know as if we had been friends for 20 years or so. At first I thought we must have seen each-other at a few lectures or something. But as it turned out, she doesn't even speak Estonian (all bachelor and most of master courses were in Estonian). So, uh, I have no clue. Can't even remember any dreams where I might have seen her. Ah, and then there was a friend of Hyena at the gym, whom I knew as if we had been friends for at least as long. It surprised me even more that I once saw his mother, whom I also knew as if she were a neighbour (can't recall having met them).

Today there was more tension than yesterday. Four meetings, two of them I had to rush through and leave early. Some sort of info pumping problems again, which have usually ticked me off. Paid attention to what caused the anxiety. Basically, I felt cornered -- I have to do something, but I can't because I don't have enough power or control over the events. I hate it when I'm responsible for something and I have no control to fulfil the responsibility. Then I try to wiggle out of the shackles, trying to gain a feeling of control. There are two issues: if I don't take the responsibility, then it won't happen in time; if I take the responsibility, I have to be in control.

While thinking about it, I realized this is what makes the astral prison so effective. It puts the subject into a miserable state and blocks the path towards any control. On one hand, I want to become immune to this (overcome the weakness). On the other hand, not taking the responsibility isn't the answer, either.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Different path

Yesterday a part of me expressed respect towards everyone who is still climbing the hill as well as towards everyone who haven't taken up the challenge. Some time later I noticed that the part of me had given up - too much effort to continue climbing.

Today something changed. Used to feel dull and sleepy. Drank 2 mugs of cappucino + cocoa from the vending machine. This made it a bit difficult to maintain proper control of the body. Haven't used coffee for quite some time.

Weather was a bit weird too. The sky was clear and then suddenly in about 15 minutes, it was so foggy that it was difficult to see more than 10 meters. On our way back to the town, something changed. I lost a part of personality (or it became different). On my way home, I noticed that I could see things either the same way as I used to, or in a different way (through the thick overlay that I've accumulated on things with all these years).

While at the laptop, I saw several flashes of light and darkness around me (coming somewhere from behind or above the head). At the same time, there has been a certain calmness and tummo has been perhaps slightly more active.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Pleasure of radiating love

Yesterday I became aware of pleasure within the chest or upper-body in general. As I focused on it, the internal flames became hotter and I felt more floaty. It was so pleasureful that I didn't want to take a bus home. I wanted to walk. So, I did, through a path I hadn't taken previously. The path was very dark and I noticed that the intensity of the pleasure was gradually decreasing. Eventually lost track of it.

Took a daily nap yesterday, relaxing and focusing on the central channel. At the end of the nap, I tried levitation. Gradually kept becoming lighter and lighter, until a reflex thought (seemingly harmless) shot through the system and I stopped becoming lighter.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Yay

Had a successful dream last night.

I was at a classroom, studying something related to languages, I guess. The teacher was quite upset that day. She did not like the fact that pupils / students were dozing off and not doing classwork. I thought: "I better focus on the classwork, so she wouldn't yell at me." Well, about a minute into the classwork, my textbook suddenly disappeared. Then the teacher leaped at me, yelling that I don't even have the textbook open, so I'm definitely slacking off and just pretending I'm working on the exercises.

I could not find the textbook, so I didn't have anything to say to prove her wrong. So, I just bowed and thanked her. This action seemed sort of forced. Though, with a few seconds I managed to strengthen the detachment and forgive her sincerely. In the end, sincerely hugged her for a moment.

The class was happy about my progress. We looked for the textbook from everywhere but just couldn't find it.

Have been having some issues with energy knots and blockages in the stomach recently. So, I've purposefully had the energy leak, to help release the blockages.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Helloween

Really strange dreams last night. At the summerhouse, people delivered dead pigs to the aunt who's a vet. Not for her to cure them, but for her to qualify the meat. Well, ok .. except that in the dream, the pigs had started rotting (already with poisonous fungus growing on them and all) and there was no end to those dead pigs. The dream probably had some of its roots in her visiting our place during the weekend.

Another dream, I was rowing on a creek with a tiny boat. The boat was so small that I barely fit there and was sort of wondering how it managed to float me at all.

In the last dream, I was telling sister and father about the cool Halloween event that took place at the workplace the previous evening. It really was amazing .. though, way too many people were participating.