Friday, November 28, 2014
Succubus
Two nights ago I was attacked by a dozen succubus (wasn't familiar with the term before the dream). They were chasing me and clinging to my body, kissing, patting and stuff. This caused me to semi-consciously leak energy. Fled home but realized that I had built the house on the foundation of trust .. the door was always open. Well, it didn't matter much because they crawled in through all the windows and doors. Woke up to further my escape. When I woke up, half of my body was buzzing of energy.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Interleaved consciousness
Weird.
Dreams last night:
I guess there was a dream where I was at the summerhouse. Can't remember much about it, though .. other dreams shadowed the memory.
I associated myself with someone, whose uncle had stuck his nose where he shouldn't have. One evening he's in a blank-looking room, when a man with a revolver appears and shoots him dead. I popped into his apartment, to look for details as to who, what, why. Looked through the drawers and formed a pile of stuff that seemed of interest. Took the top-most (a dictophone), which then turned into a video camera where I saw the event with what was going on in his mind before the event. He knew the man was coming, most probably with a gun to eliminate him. Realized I wasn't alone in uncle's apartment. Looked around and found an old woman dusting the floor. An embarrassing moment, since I knew she wouldn't have seen me in the apartment before. However, she recognized me and accepted me as an old acquaintance. Both of us were without physical form. Anyway, as soon as I realized that uncle had been conscious about what was going to happen and accepted it as fate, I lost interest in the subject.
I woke up in a sleeping body on the bed. I was experiencing astral wind / OBE vibrations / something similar to "Dream research on conspiracy theories". Verified that the blanket was not twitching (this was the case in the aforementioned experience). Looked around in the dark room, no objects were twitching. Knowing I was detached from the body, I stood up next to the bed. Looked around and remembered what I had planned for the next time I would have an OBE. First I would try to determine what went wrong with the satellite experiment. When I thought of that, I noticed some boards on top of the o-scope. Semi-flew, semi-walked there and picked one of the boards. Heard father walking through the living room, towards the corridor. He was headed to a performance. Planned on waving and saying "bye", so I flew through the doorway into the living room and into the corridor. Waved but he didn't notice it. Tried to say "bye" but no sound was produced. Though, he somehow became aware of me and understood that I intended to wave and say "bye". So, I flew back into my room. Tried the satellite thing for a moment .. nothing. Figured I could unlock multiple achievements at once. So, I picked the next objective from my "to-do on obe" list. Attempted to take a full lotus pose while levitating, meditating and holding the board in my right hand. Couldn't do lotus pose while levitating very well. Took the farthest corner of the bed and tried to sit on the bed, while still trying to meditate while in OBE. As soon as I sat down on the bed, I guess I sort of woke up.
Father was still there. Anyway, I walked around the room and observed some objects. There was a camera that I was rather proud of having. Looked at it and it seemed complex and strange - it looked non-physical. I put it aside and the dream ended there.
I realized I was in a classroom and there were children singing. I did not know the lyrics. Attempted to sing, while reading the lips of a boy in front of me. Apparently he also didn't know the lyrics .. when the teacher questioned him, he pointed at me. The teacher looked at me. Feeling embarrassed, I apologized and said I didn't know the lyrics, nor did I even expect myself to be able to sing (it's more than 10 years since I participated in a choir). In the dream I was amazed at my voice while singing, but when I had to speak, I had trouble finding the proper note to speak in. The dream ended there, since I was out of time.
The next dream I'm on the bus back home. It's the bus where everyone is asleep, being transported back to their every-day awareness. There was a lady on the bus, checking the tickets. An old classmate was sitting in front of me. In a half-sleep state he complained it was too humid. The lady directed him to the back of the bus, where it was supposed to be better. I had been a regular customer and both I and the lady knew I had the ticket. However, I was unable to find it in time. There were a lot of old tickets ::alarm::
I wake up, feeling awkward. This is not the place I came from. Comparing to the memories of this body, I had quite different preferences (eating, timing, route to work, the way I thought, the way I spoke). I even wondered why the paper napkin was smaller than it used to be, why the phone was in the other pocket. The only music band that this body had in memory and that seemed close to my music taste was Soulfly, which I had listened to .. like in the 90's. This feeling awkward lasted for about 10 hours, then while walking back home, suddenly everything clicked in place again. A part of the consciousness is still mixed, but now at least I feel a lot more at home.
Dreams last night:
I guess there was a dream where I was at the summerhouse. Can't remember much about it, though .. other dreams shadowed the memory.
I associated myself with someone, whose uncle had stuck his nose where he shouldn't have. One evening he's in a blank-looking room, when a man with a revolver appears and shoots him dead. I popped into his apartment, to look for details as to who, what, why. Looked through the drawers and formed a pile of stuff that seemed of interest. Took the top-most (a dictophone), which then turned into a video camera where I saw the event with what was going on in his mind before the event. He knew the man was coming, most probably with a gun to eliminate him. Realized I wasn't alone in uncle's apartment. Looked around and found an old woman dusting the floor. An embarrassing moment, since I knew she wouldn't have seen me in the apartment before. However, she recognized me and accepted me as an old acquaintance. Both of us were without physical form. Anyway, as soon as I realized that uncle had been conscious about what was going to happen and accepted it as fate, I lost interest in the subject.
I woke up in a sleeping body on the bed. I was experiencing astral wind / OBE vibrations / something similar to "Dream research on conspiracy theories". Verified that the blanket was not twitching (this was the case in the aforementioned experience). Looked around in the dark room, no objects were twitching. Knowing I was detached from the body, I stood up next to the bed. Looked around and remembered what I had planned for the next time I would have an OBE. First I would try to determine what went wrong with the satellite experiment. When I thought of that, I noticed some boards on top of the o-scope. Semi-flew, semi-walked there and picked one of the boards. Heard father walking through the living room, towards the corridor. He was headed to a performance. Planned on waving and saying "bye", so I flew through the doorway into the living room and into the corridor. Waved but he didn't notice it. Tried to say "bye" but no sound was produced. Though, he somehow became aware of me and understood that I intended to wave and say "bye". So, I flew back into my room. Tried the satellite thing for a moment .. nothing. Figured I could unlock multiple achievements at once. So, I picked the next objective from my "to-do on obe" list. Attempted to take a full lotus pose while levitating, meditating and holding the board in my right hand. Couldn't do lotus pose while levitating very well. Took the farthest corner of the bed and tried to sit on the bed, while still trying to meditate while in OBE. As soon as I sat down on the bed, I guess I sort of woke up.
Father was still there. Anyway, I walked around the room and observed some objects. There was a camera that I was rather proud of having. Looked at it and it seemed complex and strange - it looked non-physical. I put it aside and the dream ended there.
I realized I was in a classroom and there were children singing. I did not know the lyrics. Attempted to sing, while reading the lips of a boy in front of me. Apparently he also didn't know the lyrics .. when the teacher questioned him, he pointed at me. The teacher looked at me. Feeling embarrassed, I apologized and said I didn't know the lyrics, nor did I even expect myself to be able to sing (it's more than 10 years since I participated in a choir). In the dream I was amazed at my voice while singing, but when I had to speak, I had trouble finding the proper note to speak in. The dream ended there, since I was out of time.
The next dream I'm on the bus back home. It's the bus where everyone is asleep, being transported back to their every-day awareness. There was a lady on the bus, checking the tickets. An old classmate was sitting in front of me. In a half-sleep state he complained it was too humid. The lady directed him to the back of the bus, where it was supposed to be better. I had been a regular customer and both I and the lady knew I had the ticket. However, I was unable to find it in time. There were a lot of old tickets ::alarm::
I wake up, feeling awkward. This is not the place I came from. Comparing to the memories of this body, I had quite different preferences (eating, timing, route to work, the way I thought, the way I spoke). I even wondered why the paper napkin was smaller than it used to be, why the phone was in the other pocket. The only music band that this body had in memory and that seemed close to my music taste was Soulfly, which I had listened to .. like in the 90's. This feeling awkward lasted for about 10 hours, then while walking back home, suddenly everything clicked in place again. A part of the consciousness is still mixed, but now at least I feel a lot more at home.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Golden-yellow spirals
Slept a lot and saw through closed eyelids again yesterday. Also, before falling asleep last night, I saw golden-yellow "clouds" coming from my head and spiralling towards the ceiling. Usually I have seen this during Trataka practice. This time it just happened on its own, so I observed it for as long as it lasted. Each time the "clouds" lifted from the left hemisphere first, then from the right. Once the spiral was at some distance from the head, it was easier to manipulate and form into shapes. However, I couldn't tell the distance very well, as it was shadowless and its transparency did not change. I could only judge distance by the time it took for the "cloud" to rise.
Also, before falling asleep, I saw a cave wall (too much Skyrim again?). The wall cracked open. From the depths, a high frequency sound was being emitted. The sound was not coherent and its frequency drifted occasionally. It had a similar effect as a binaural beat.
During the night, more energy was released but reflected back from some blockages. Put forth effort so that I wouldn't have a wet dream.
Also, before falling asleep, I saw a cave wall (too much Skyrim again?). The wall cracked open. From the depths, a high frequency sound was being emitted. The sound was not coherent and its frequency drifted occasionally. It had a similar effect as a binaural beat.
During the night, more energy was released but reflected back from some blockages. Put forth effort so that I wouldn't have a wet dream.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Sandbox Moon
Sometimes it seems as if I'm climbing the impossible. It almost seems hopeless, which I know is an artificial construct. Good .. found more internal conflicts that I can resolve. If it seems impossible, it means I just have a lot to learn and improve upon.
Focused on my observation of the conflict, while chatting with father. I didn't always pay attention at what I was saying or what father was responding. Eventually the discussion reached an area of great interest for me. With simple thought experiments and a new foundation of assumptions, we had somehow managed to "prove" microcosm and its connection / equality to the macrocosm. From that point onwards, psychokinesis and all the rest unfolded with a trivial syllogism. Very cool .. shall digest it a little and perhaps there will be a post about the theory.
I was inspired from the upcoming UK Moon mission and had a dream related to that.
I studied the Moon and I was shown different things about it. Not all of it made sense, though - it was all pretty abstract (a lot of symbolism) and not very lucid.
Anyway, I was shown different races, the regions that were under their control and management. A planar mapping of the Moon was before me, with tiled icons. The icons represented different races. The design of each icon gave off a distinct feeling of the behavioural pattern of the race.
I arrived at a crater somehow. Looked over the edge (I was very large or the Moon model was very small) and saw two crystals floating above the surface. One of the crystals was bluish white (more distant) and the other ruby red (closer to me). Both of the crystals were huge and floated by means of waving golden wings of sorts and both of them dated back to the Egyptian era, still present and operational. Two red laser beams connected the red crystal and the ground (there were probably some sort of structures there). As I tried to peek at what was on the ground there, the crystal noticed me and started moving one of the beams towards me .. I hid.
I was orbiting the Moon model (or slightly unrealistic looking Moon). I sort of wondered if it was possible to descend to the surface with a spiral orbit (approaching "the bright side" of the moon with very slow orbital maneuvres). The response was that it's possible but there are two peaks on the dark side of the moon, which are higher than the rest of the relief. The Moon model changed so that the two peaks became very obvious (protruded more than what would be physically possible - then again, probably most of the dream was presented in exaggerated visuals and feelings).
I want to perform a remote-viewing session on our current satellite. After that, I want to perform a pk session to release the "stuck experiment". There have been at least 3 different people hinting that this should be done. I, however, have doubts if I'm capable of pulling it off. Another good thing to learn and improve upon.
Focused on my observation of the conflict, while chatting with father. I didn't always pay attention at what I was saying or what father was responding. Eventually the discussion reached an area of great interest for me. With simple thought experiments and a new foundation of assumptions, we had somehow managed to "prove" microcosm and its connection / equality to the macrocosm. From that point onwards, psychokinesis and all the rest unfolded with a trivial syllogism. Very cool .. shall digest it a little and perhaps there will be a post about the theory.
I was inspired from the upcoming UK Moon mission and had a dream related to that.
I studied the Moon and I was shown different things about it. Not all of it made sense, though - it was all pretty abstract (a lot of symbolism) and not very lucid.
Anyway, I was shown different races, the regions that were under their control and management. A planar mapping of the Moon was before me, with tiled icons. The icons represented different races. The design of each icon gave off a distinct feeling of the behavioural pattern of the race.
I arrived at a crater somehow. Looked over the edge (I was very large or the Moon model was very small) and saw two crystals floating above the surface. One of the crystals was bluish white (more distant) and the other ruby red (closer to me). Both of the crystals were huge and floated by means of waving golden wings of sorts and both of them dated back to the Egyptian era, still present and operational. Two red laser beams connected the red crystal and the ground (there were probably some sort of structures there). As I tried to peek at what was on the ground there, the crystal noticed me and started moving one of the beams towards me .. I hid.
I was orbiting the Moon model (or slightly unrealistic looking Moon). I sort of wondered if it was possible to descend to the surface with a spiral orbit (approaching "the bright side" of the moon with very slow orbital maneuvres). The response was that it's possible but there are two peaks on the dark side of the moon, which are higher than the rest of the relief. The Moon model changed so that the two peaks became very obvious (protruded more than what would be physically possible - then again, probably most of the dream was presented in exaggerated visuals and feelings).
I want to perform a remote-viewing session on our current satellite. After that, I want to perform a pk session to release the "stuck experiment". There have been at least 3 different people hinting that this should be done. I, however, have doubts if I'm capable of pulling it off. Another good thing to learn and improve upon.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Wake up when you're already awake
Another exercise that I have performed occasionally. When you're awake, try to wake up even more. Visualize what it would feel like to be even more aware. After a while, this will cause a shift of focus / assemblage point.
Yesterday I looked up an old friend from the kindergarten and invited him to join a project.
Last night two dreams stood out.
In one of them, I was in service for 2 weeks with old classmates. Had a chat with Hyena (used to go to the gym together back when I had enough money to spend on it). Proposed to visit the gym in the evening, since I hadn't been to the gym for years and here it was free. Well, before the evening there was a physical exercise outside. I was waiting for a challenging exercise .. got one, which I wouldn't have been able to perform with just muscles. Focused on emptiness, entered a meditative state and stood there for as long as we were asked to. It was interesting, how in the meditative state in the dream, I heard myself humming in my mind at a low frequency. However, I wasn't doing it consciously .. it was like a deeper layer of subconscious that I was observing. Once the exercise was finished, I noticed that there had been another person (an old classmate), who performed the exercise till the end. He praised me and himself, which seemed a bit awkward.
In another dream, I was visiting the place of an old friend, looking around. In the dream, the family was a bit strange, because their faces did not match my memories. Also, the people there seemed to have taken the form of anyone that I saw on the photos. Some of them I knew couldn't even be there and yet they were, walking around and interacting. In addition to the people with form, there was someone there, whom I didn't see nor feel. They said I would meet a girl and have a child. I responded: "No .. what .. why?" Woke up and realized I had overcome my desire.
A while ago I said on Mark's forum that I have nothing against a wife and children, however, I would want to overcome the desire first. Oh well .. now I want to overcome the aversion.
Yesterday I looked up an old friend from the kindergarten and invited him to join a project.
Last night two dreams stood out.
In one of them, I was in service for 2 weeks with old classmates. Had a chat with Hyena (used to go to the gym together back when I had enough money to spend on it). Proposed to visit the gym in the evening, since I hadn't been to the gym for years and here it was free. Well, before the evening there was a physical exercise outside. I was waiting for a challenging exercise .. got one, which I wouldn't have been able to perform with just muscles. Focused on emptiness, entered a meditative state and stood there for as long as we were asked to. It was interesting, how in the meditative state in the dream, I heard myself humming in my mind at a low frequency. However, I wasn't doing it consciously .. it was like a deeper layer of subconscious that I was observing. Once the exercise was finished, I noticed that there had been another person (an old classmate), who performed the exercise till the end. He praised me and himself, which seemed a bit awkward.
In another dream, I was visiting the place of an old friend, looking around. In the dream, the family was a bit strange, because their faces did not match my memories. Also, the people there seemed to have taken the form of anyone that I saw on the photos. Some of them I knew couldn't even be there and yet they were, walking around and interacting. In addition to the people with form, there was someone there, whom I didn't see nor feel. They said I would meet a girl and have a child. I responded: "No .. what .. why?" Woke up and realized I had overcome my desire.
A while ago I said on Mark's forum that I have nothing against a wife and children, however, I would want to overcome the desire first. Oh well .. now I want to overcome the aversion.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Tension: simple and obvious
Quite a few moments of realization during the past days.
I realized something simple and obvious about how tension is formed and how geisting works .. how fear causes it to become worse. This is one of the mistakes that I made on the previous cycles.
Say a disturbing image pops up in the mind. Your adblocker reacts and closes it right away, or you try to move the annoying popup away so it wouldn't disturb the great peace emitting from the wallpaper. Each time you make the disturbing image go away, you invest energy in it. The more energy it has, the more it affects your state of mind when it reappears. Tension is the hole in the energy field, the hole from where you have taken the energy to make the popup go away. The more energy you have invested in the popup, the more tension you feel. Where there is tension, there will be illness. Anything with enough energy will manifest. So, if you keep pushing it away, it will manifest in some way or another.
Perhaps even a better example of its behaviour would be an object in your orbit. The more you push its apogee (most distant point on the orbit) further away from yourself, the more elliptic the orbit becomes and the more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee (closest point on the orbit). The more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee, the more it affects you.
Anyway, the idea is to observe the disturbing image as intensely as possible as early as possible. Because when you observe it before it has enough energy to manifest, you're safe from geisting it. With enough empty (thoughtless) observation, the image loses form, which is an exothermic process (emitting heat). If the mind image has already manifested in the material world, then it takes a lot of intensity, focus and observation to actually make it go away.
A few days ago I started using the following technique: I would focus on the top of my head until the point of focus becomes fixed enough (an anchor point). Then I would focus on a place in the body where there's tension and observe the place from the viewpoint of the anchor point. I would observe the tension as intensely as I can. Yesterday I meditated like this for about 30 minutes, during which, the body fell asleep once. Tension dissipated as heat.
Today I walked to the school building and found it too hot with the jacket. A T-shirt and a thin sweater was enough. An hour of walking and I didn't get cold. It was 2 *C in the sun and probably around -1 *C in the shadow. I noticed that since my mind had not been focused during the walk, no additional heat was produced. So, by the arrival, the reaction of my right palm had slowed down a bit but the usual feeling of cold just wasn't there. Perhaps for a split-second or two, it appeared but then dissipated again.
Also I recognized a pattern that has always been there throughout this life. I have constantly ignored and stepped away from project management. Until yesterday I realized that I was alone in the project and that the project is doomed unless I take the empty throne of project management. Focused on detachment from everything that I had grown fond of. Realized again how free I am and how many possibilities there are for doing something space-tech-related, which has been an obsession since birth. Realized I actually had no responsibilities that I had not taken with my free will. So far I've tried a lot of different things but no project leading or management.
Dreams have been very vivid recently and for the past 4 mornings, I have had total recall of the night's dreams. Though, during the day I have usually forgotten quite a bit about the dreams.
A few nights ago I had a dream where I wanted to climb to the top of the roof of the sauna building. Caspar went up from the other side of the building .. hadn't done that before. Tried it, but at some place I found I can't continue because all the supports are rotten and empty from the inside .. just shells. So, I just stood there for a while .. kind of wondering how come I'm not falling down. Jumped down and the alarm rang.
A couple of nights ago I had a dream where I looked into the mirror and all my 3 eyes were bloodshot and looked really tired.
Last night I had a dream where I just randomly took a building that was 3 storeys high, made a somarsault, leaped and started climbing. Since I hadn't used my muscles for a long time, I felt them becoming sore while climbing. However, the feeling was not real. I didn't put energy into it, just observed the sensation. I reached the roof in just a few seconds. I had wanted to climb the building before uncle opens the door and exits the nearby building and I actually managed to pull it off. I was amazed but more than that, I looked around and absorbed all the details in the surroundings.
I realized something simple and obvious about how tension is formed and how geisting works .. how fear causes it to become worse. This is one of the mistakes that I made on the previous cycles.
Say a disturbing image pops up in the mind. Your adblocker reacts and closes it right away, or you try to move the annoying popup away so it wouldn't disturb the great peace emitting from the wallpaper. Each time you make the disturbing image go away, you invest energy in it. The more energy it has, the more it affects your state of mind when it reappears. Tension is the hole in the energy field, the hole from where you have taken the energy to make the popup go away. The more energy you have invested in the popup, the more tension you feel. Where there is tension, there will be illness. Anything with enough energy will manifest. So, if you keep pushing it away, it will manifest in some way or another.
Perhaps even a better example of its behaviour would be an object in your orbit. The more you push its apogee (most distant point on the orbit) further away from yourself, the more elliptic the orbit becomes and the more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee (closest point on the orbit). The more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee, the more it affects you.
Anyway, the idea is to observe the disturbing image as intensely as possible as early as possible. Because when you observe it before it has enough energy to manifest, you're safe from geisting it. With enough empty (thoughtless) observation, the image loses form, which is an exothermic process (emitting heat). If the mind image has already manifested in the material world, then it takes a lot of intensity, focus and observation to actually make it go away.
A few days ago I started using the following technique: I would focus on the top of my head until the point of focus becomes fixed enough (an anchor point). Then I would focus on a place in the body where there's tension and observe the place from the viewpoint of the anchor point. I would observe the tension as intensely as I can. Yesterday I meditated like this for about 30 minutes, during which, the body fell asleep once. Tension dissipated as heat.
Today I walked to the school building and found it too hot with the jacket. A T-shirt and a thin sweater was enough. An hour of walking and I didn't get cold. It was 2 *C in the sun and probably around -1 *C in the shadow. I noticed that since my mind had not been focused during the walk, no additional heat was produced. So, by the arrival, the reaction of my right palm had slowed down a bit but the usual feeling of cold just wasn't there. Perhaps for a split-second or two, it appeared but then dissipated again.
Also I recognized a pattern that has always been there throughout this life. I have constantly ignored and stepped away from project management. Until yesterday I realized that I was alone in the project and that the project is doomed unless I take the empty throne of project management. Focused on detachment from everything that I had grown fond of. Realized again how free I am and how many possibilities there are for doing something space-tech-related, which has been an obsession since birth. Realized I actually had no responsibilities that I had not taken with my free will. So far I've tried a lot of different things but no project leading or management.
Dreams have been very vivid recently and for the past 4 mornings, I have had total recall of the night's dreams. Though, during the day I have usually forgotten quite a bit about the dreams.
A few nights ago I had a dream where I wanted to climb to the top of the roof of the sauna building. Caspar went up from the other side of the building .. hadn't done that before. Tried it, but at some place I found I can't continue because all the supports are rotten and empty from the inside .. just shells. So, I just stood there for a while .. kind of wondering how come I'm not falling down. Jumped down and the alarm rang.
A couple of nights ago I had a dream where I looked into the mirror and all my 3 eyes were bloodshot and looked really tired.
Last night I had a dream where I just randomly took a building that was 3 storeys high, made a somarsault, leaped and started climbing. Since I hadn't used my muscles for a long time, I felt them becoming sore while climbing. However, the feeling was not real. I didn't put energy into it, just observed the sensation. I reached the roof in just a few seconds. I had wanted to climb the building before uncle opens the door and exits the nearby building and I actually managed to pull it off. I was amazed but more than that, I looked around and absorbed all the details in the surroundings.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Mrs. young woman, old lady and an old man
Weird. Sister showed an interview.
The one being interviewed was apparently a woman. However, throughout the whole interview, I saw her as a young woman, an old lady and an old man. At some moments, she was the young woman, at some times, the old woman, at some times all three at once and so on.. the voice remained female, though.
Can't recall having seen anyone like that before.
The same thing with her / him talking about her experiences. For most of the part, it seemed as if she was telling the truth. Then, at some moments, it seemed as if she was telling something that the old man had convinced her of .. the old man was smirking while she told it, by the way.
Then there were also parts of the video clearly cut out. One of those cuts made the split personality very obvious.
Father was actually convinced she was a man.
The one being interviewed was apparently a woman. However, throughout the whole interview, I saw her as a young woman, an old lady and an old man. At some moments, she was the young woman, at some times, the old woman, at some times all three at once and so on.. the voice remained female, though.
Can't recall having seen anyone like that before.
The same thing with her / him talking about her experiences. For most of the part, it seemed as if she was telling the truth. Then, at some moments, it seemed as if she was telling something that the old man had convinced her of .. the old man was smirking while she told it, by the way.
Then there were also parts of the video clearly cut out. One of those cuts made the split personality very obvious.
Father was actually convinced she was a man.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Whispers
Slept a lot yesterday, because I've been skipping sleep too much recently.
Somewhere in a half-dream state, I heard whispers. Father was in the kitchen, sister was in the living-room and I heard her whispering. At first I thought she was trying to be quiet because I was asleep. Couldn't make out words and it seemed strange because there wasn't anyone else in the living-room.
One thought that came to mind while I was listening to that: perhaps I was hearing her internal chatter.
Somewhere in a half-dream state, I heard whispers. Father was in the kitchen, sister was in the living-room and I heard her whispering. At first I thought she was trying to be quiet because I was asleep. Couldn't make out words and it seemed strange because there wasn't anyone else in the living-room.
One thought that came to mind while I was listening to that: perhaps I was hearing her internal chatter.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Self-mastery mod for Skyrim?
Forgot to write about this in the previous post.
Related to Skyrim. Found that it had so many conflicts and mistakes in the game design. The atmosphere (graphics, music, map layout) is well suited for a game that would improve player's self awareness. It's just so calm and beautiful .. would like to just sit and observe without thoughts nor actions. However, the AI, quest designers and dialogue writers have missed it entirely. Almost all beings treat the player as if he/she posed a threat to their life - this is not how it works in the nature. In the nature, a being attacks you only if they see no other way to protect either themselves or their nest. Nature respects its inhabitants and its inhabitants are expected to do the same. The graphics and music portrays this, in my opinion, but the animals and people living in the environment don't follow the law .. they look really artificial and dumb, when compared to their atmosphere (a tree, a rock, a butterfly). Also, when there's a quest where a wise old man or spirit is involved, they usually speak rubbish instead of wisdom. The rubbish has been tampered with, to confuse the player so that they would think there's at least some truth to what the wise old man is saying. There are at least thousands of deep stories and wise quotes on the internet, waiting to be put to good use ..
.. which brought me and a friend to the idea of game development again. We shared some ideas, but in the end nothing seemed just right. It takes tough algorithms to extract player's psychology, look for flaws and auto-generate game content that would show ways to improve themselves. Also, how many people would actually like to play something that only serves the reason of being frustrating to play?
Before falling asleep, I found myself in a very simple game environment. I was in a bubble of pitch black darkness. Since it was completely dark, my mind started synthesizing all sorts of colorful images there, to fill the void which it considered uncomfortable. Symmetry had been designed into the bubble so that these images were slightly distorted and mirrored around. This made it easier to detect and realize the thoughts and images that my own mind was projecting. So simple, promotes self-mastery and is really fun to play with.
Related to Skyrim. Found that it had so many conflicts and mistakes in the game design. The atmosphere (graphics, music, map layout) is well suited for a game that would improve player's self awareness. It's just so calm and beautiful .. would like to just sit and observe without thoughts nor actions. However, the AI, quest designers and dialogue writers have missed it entirely. Almost all beings treat the player as if he/she posed a threat to their life - this is not how it works in the nature. In the nature, a being attacks you only if they see no other way to protect either themselves or their nest. Nature respects its inhabitants and its inhabitants are expected to do the same. The graphics and music portrays this, in my opinion, but the animals and people living in the environment don't follow the law .. they look really artificial and dumb, when compared to their atmosphere (a tree, a rock, a butterfly). Also, when there's a quest where a wise old man or spirit is involved, they usually speak rubbish instead of wisdom. The rubbish has been tampered with, to confuse the player so that they would think there's at least some truth to what the wise old man is saying. There are at least thousands of deep stories and wise quotes on the internet, waiting to be put to good use ..
.. which brought me and a friend to the idea of game development again. We shared some ideas, but in the end nothing seemed just right. It takes tough algorithms to extract player's psychology, look for flaws and auto-generate game content that would show ways to improve themselves. Also, how many people would actually like to play something that only serves the reason of being frustrating to play?
Before falling asleep, I found myself in a very simple game environment. I was in a bubble of pitch black darkness. Since it was completely dark, my mind started synthesizing all sorts of colorful images there, to fill the void which it considered uncomfortable. Symmetry had been designed into the bubble so that these images were slightly distorted and mirrored around. This made it easier to detect and realize the thoughts and images that my own mind was projecting. So simple, promotes self-mastery and is really fun to play with.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Waves, shadows in the darkness
Walked to the bus stop in the darkness yesterday. Felt something squiggle under my foot when a bus drove past me. I suspect I might've stepped on a snake.
Saw waves of psi in the darkness. As my mind interacted with the waves, some filaments of light formed when the psi became denser. ::a car whooshes by::it takes me some time for the eyes to get used to the darkness again, until I start seeing the waves again::
Focused on the visualization of warm and bright hyperspace, in attempt to work around the issue that it was somewhat cold at the bus stop.
Right .. I also saw a shadow indoors, in the darkness. I thought it was mine, until it went past me and I sensed the smell of sour milk. Well, I was walking through the canteen but I had gone through it several times that day and didn't detect any smell before nor after.
Last night I had dreams that were different from the previous ones. There was a lot of green everywhere and there was something about its symmetry that emanated through everything. I think I observed Michael Grubb and his gang in one of the dreams (very faint recollection about that one). There were several moments of self-realization throughout the day and dreams also. I think I realized something about the sacred geometry and how it applies to the flow of psi. Though, in the last dreams I was pursued by some sort of robots .. too much Skyrim during the weekend?
Somewhere from the depths of my mind I vaguely remember having been taught how the Euclideon graphics engine works. All I can remember now is how simple and logical it all seemed.
Recently I've been feeling the wobbling of the space-time again, in addition to the feeling that something is slowly burning away inside. At times I've been feeling lightweight as well.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Recapitulation
That same book reminded me one of my old practises. Castaneda called it recapitulation. The idea is to observe the reflections of the past in the mind, without interacting with them .. just observe, until they disintegrate on their own.
Practised recapitulation on the knots that I had put away in the chest (around the heart chakra). Continued with it for as long as I can remember before falling asleep. Got bored of sleep but found myself tired .. later realized that I had a pk hangover (too much psi through the head) as well.
I was so broke that I couldn't commute to work. Walked for 1.5 hours, finally woke up after 45 minutes of walking =D. Quite a bit of synchronicity. Walked back, checked the bank account (they had transferred) and took a bus to work. Stumbled a lot on the bus. For some reason, for me the step didn't exist. I stumbled on it several times before I realized it's there. Although I had nothing to hold on to, I didn't fall, I just kept on stumbling.. Strange.
Yesterday I found that something is different and my point of view has changed a little.
Practised recapitulation on the knots that I had put away in the chest (around the heart chakra). Continued with it for as long as I can remember before falling asleep. Got bored of sleep but found myself tired .. later realized that I had a pk hangover (too much psi through the head) as well.
I was so broke that I couldn't commute to work. Walked for 1.5 hours, finally woke up after 45 minutes of walking =D. Quite a bit of synchronicity. Walked back, checked the bank account (they had transferred) and took a bus to work. Stumbled a lot on the bus. For some reason, for me the step didn't exist. I stumbled on it several times before I realized it's there. Although I had nothing to hold on to, I didn't fall, I just kept on stumbling.. Strange.
Yesterday I found that something is different and my point of view has changed a little.
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