Wolf

On Saturday morning, the bus to another city was packed with people coughing. Since Thursday I was still feeling a bit sick (a lot of mucus in the lungs, left eye itching, stomach ache, headache), I decided to rest instead of using the multimedia device on the bus.

Saturday and Sunday I spent at grandparents' place. On Sunday there were elderly people visiting. After the event, grandpa expressed gratitude that I had been able to come and that I always seemed to get along well with the elderly. I said: "Well, I guess I'm old too," which caused a reaction like "Pfft, what the heck, man?". On a more serious note, I could relate to one of the old ladies who cried and said she was "tired of everything". I found it curious that she seemed to have used almost exactly the same words which I had used not very long before.

On the bus back home, there was barely anyone coughing nor sneezing in the bus. But the multimedia device in front of my seat was broken. While there was nobody sitting next to me, I did not change the seat. Instead, I decided to look out of the window (without seeing anything because it was dark) and work through the variety of thoughts in my mind. It made me feel a bit uneasy that there was a reflection of the girl sitting in the row in front of me, "blocking the view into the darkness".

Bought an air humidifier / cleaner yesterday. While taking a shortcut to the device, trying to keep a distance to people, a girl with a pierced face walked past me. She looked at me, smiled and thought I was cute. I briefly glanced at her with my classic serious and maybe a bit sad face with all the blemishes in full glory.

On Monday morning I had a couple of interesting dreams.

Dream: Wolf

I was in the front yard of the summerhouse with someone at my left when someone else came running and shouting: "A wolf, a wolf, there's a wolf in the yard!"

The wolf darted past him, and seemed to be running at me. I was glad that it wasn't chasing anyone else there. Grabbed the wolf as it leaped towards my face with its teeth, and started petting it. It struggled for a bit, trying to bite me in the face in some way or other but it eventually gave up. The wolf kept shrinking the more I petted it, until eventually I lost it in the fabric of my clothing.

Dream: A cult

I think I was formless, at least in the beginning when I followed a couple of people walk into a "witchy" building. Witchy because it was made of stone and wood, and looked old. Apparently one of the couple was new to this cult, so the people introduced them to their core principles. Everything seemed okay until they started a ritual or something I guess. Then suddenly everyone in the room turned towards me (did I accidentally take a form?) and started to chant things like "You are one of the ??? Samaritans, you are one of us, one of us" or something along the lines. I have forgotten the word ???, but I suspect it might have been "first", "last", "true" or whatever. Due to the people turning towards me and chanting suspicious stuff in a creepy way, I left (vanished). The "you are one of us, one of us" part I still heard while I was in the void between the dream and waking up. They spelled "us" with a hissing Slytherin 'S'.

Cat's been reading books

Randomly took a "hobby" project on Saturday and worked on it the way I enjoy working on things. Learned a lot, and I think it gave more meaning back to my life. It restored motivation at the cost of sleeptime.

Had some interesting dreams last night.

Dream: Bus stop

I arrived at a bus stop and for some odd reason, I decided to spend the night there. I had always wondered what it would be like to chill on top of its glass roof. While I knew it was fragile and wouldn't withstand much weight, I still wanted to try it. Some entity told me not to, but I think I still did. Nice spring weather but it was raining, so it wasn't too pleasant to spend the whole night there. Regardless, the bus stop was just underneath a tree (birch, maybe) and I enjoyed the small branches moving around in the slight breeze.

Dream: Chick and cat

Cat approached me with a question. It showed me a picture on a book on the bookshelf. It asked what was the size of this component (strange terminology, I know), and pointed its paw at the picture of a yellow chick. I wondered how I could answer it, for the cat would've had no idea of the SI units. With all its ingenuity, the cat took the shape of the chick and started shrinking. Then all I had to do was to take it on my pawn and say "It's about the size that you are now," when the cat was about the size of a chick.

Dream: Crocodiles

I was traveling with someone. We reached a beach (in Japan, I thought) and I said something (probably "awesome" or "would you look at that" or somesuch) to my companion. As I did, I noticed a peculiar echo.

The echo was highly nonlinear, it changed in pitch and in intensity. It was as if the environment interacted with our presence there and it did not like being disturbed. I've witnessed such places before but I've never really figured out what they're about.

I whispered to the companion about the nonlinearity and that we should probably leave.

Someone else came, speaking very loud. This caused a pretty bad echo and the environment reacted. A couple of crocodiles darted towards the beach and at least one of them was chasing me.

Flew off as fast as I could (about the same speed that I had when tailing the helicopter the night before). After maybe 5 km, I was still having difficulties shaking it off my tail. Though, soon after it stopped chasing me. I was very surprised at how fast the crocodile was.

Today

Not a dream.

Apparently it did rain during the night, and it rained today during the day as well.

Something about me was different today. Got so absorbed in work that I didn't notice anything else around me. Apparently a really dark cloud had popped up for rain. A moment later the sky was clear again and sun was shining.

Happened to make a joke but then at some point I realized its philosophical and linguistical depth. I was sincerely surprised.

When a colleague asked me about something at the canteen, I had a flashback from what couldn't have been the past.

Mild headache

A bit tough to read the books this way.

Watched Flying Witch on the weekend, and found it to be good. Very good character design, good animation, very nice backgrounds and what surprised me the most, it was thoroughly positive (most of my faves are so dark even I don't want to watch them) and yet it was addictive even without deep story.

Random telempathy

While enjoying the queue (it's a national thing or something) at the canteen yesterday, there was a girl from the cosmology dept. in front of me, and an old man from meteorology some distance behind me. The meteorologist has been working abroad for most of his life, so he speaks and thinks a bit strange (in addition to being very talkative). While she did not express it, the cosmologist was annoyed about the way that the meteorologist was chatting with a stellar physicist. As I observed the thought / emotion of the cosmologist, she realized (at least it seemed so) that I was eavesdropping (may have caused it to be amplified a bit). She glanced at me and quickly stopped being annoyed.

That wolf-blood-moon or whatever

I treat the name with ignorance because it's a fashion label that is meant to sound epic but it does absolutely no justice to the actual phenomena.

Hadn't slept too well, so I missed the full eclipse but still ended up "hiking" through the snow to the bus station early enough to witness a part of it. An awesome timing, with a clear sky and the moon descending in front of me and the sun rising behind me. While I wouldn't have woken up specifically to see this wolf-blood-moon or whatever, I'm glad I saw it because it was visible during the 30 min morning walk which only happens like once or twice per week this month. The rest of the time I'm role-playing a bookworm.

Tapestry

For the past few weeks it has been more-or-less a nightly occurrence that I see with my eyes closed. It's usually blurry and lacks proper colors but it's the same tapestry on the wall, or the same corner of the room. Today morning I took a clementine and walked into the living room, staring at the cat on the window sill. Peeled the clementine and ate it while continuing to stare at the same spot. To some degree, I could see the floor and the clementine. Far from perfect but already quite useful (can stare at the cat).

One morning it occurred to me that a several years ago I had a dream / OBE where I entered my body and looked around the room with my eyes closed. I could see well enough that I didn't even need to open them. Enjoyed it until I was pushed back out through the wall (the original inhabitant wanted to use the body). Couldn't find the blog post to reference.

Anyway, currently my room looks very much like it did in that dream / OBE. The poster / image that I remember I mentioned in the blog post, it's neither. It's just a drawing of the Kalachakra mandala that mother gave me a few years ago.

The next night I relaxed the body and focused on the 3rd eye. Ended up focusing on it throughout the night, partially due to the crackling noises that appeared whenever I was about to fall asleep. The crackling noises have become annoyingly frequent. This was the night between Sunday and Monday. Anyway, sleeping schedule is messed up again, in addition to having a mild headache whenever the psi intensity grows too much.

Animated drawers

Took a nap in an attempt to overcome this abstainer's hangover. In one of the dreams I had to test some drawers. The first one was very broken - typical buggy mechanics in dreams. The second one was already a bit more realistic. The third was perfect - I could open and slam it however I wanted, it worked the way it was supposed to.

So, uh, visualization practice, probably. I do hope I wasn't geisting at someone's office.

Wisdom from a grumpy cat

Got a chance to visit father yesterday. Reserved a few hours for chatting.

Among other interesting stories, he told one of his dreams where their cat asked him a question.

• Cat: "When one asks a question, then what is it that they want?"
• Father: "What a complicated question, how would I know?"
• Cat: "They want their question to be understood."
• .. cat leaves the scene ..

Ingenious, imho.

Silence to listen for split-second signals

Somehow automatically started gearing up tension within the body again today morning. It's basically squeezing the energy away from the chest, to produce adrenalin and boost performance. Not a healthy habit to have for years on end. Tried my best to override it and regain the calm.

A meeting with a student under my supervision. Noticed the uncomfortable feeling that the student did not really understand whatever it was that I was trying to explain. It's easy to sense but often difficult to do anything about. Tried different methods to explain things, and I think managed to resolve the issue at least partially.

The next meeting, with a data scientist. At some point I felt the same that the student had felt - I felt I had missed the train of thought that the scientist was explaining. I noticed that semi-subconsciously, I telepathically transmitted the feeling to her (a split-second transmission of a focused beam of energy). It might not have been needed but she did describe her thoughts in a different way, which helped me grasp them more quickly.

Circus

Related to the post about bullying the cat and learning minor telepathy thanks to that.

Took a bus home from work the next day. Bought a ticket, thanked the bus driver, then turned around to .. a decent girl in summer clothes, trying to cool down .. find a seat. The girl had probably been running to catch the bus at the previous stop. A few seat rows back, there was a perv ::cough:: man.

Anyway, sat down, started listening to music and observed the mind of the man sitting in the next row. So obvious that I shook my head and sighed. Found the behaviour of the man slightly upsetting. Especially his presumptuousness, he did not even try to act normal, and stared back at the girl not once but gave three long stares back at the girl after walking to the front in order to leave the bus.

For me, the situation became comical when I pictured myself observe me observe that man stare the girl. Me shaking my head and sighing at me letting myself be entertained by the conspiracy subreddit, spotify and some random dude mindlessly staring at a girl.

Taming one's mind

One morning not a very long time ago, I woke up to the ruckus that the cat was making in the living room at 6 AM. Sister was sleeping on the couch there, because Mom was in for a visit and sister had given her her room.

The cat was basically "Neow, did not wake up. ::Purr-hop::3 Gotta chew more on these things ::Purr-nom-nom-nom::" Sister: "Go away from the router antennas and cables!" The cat did not care that sister had gone to bed at 4 AM or whatever, and was not particularly interested in entertaining the cat.

Took the cat and locked it into my room. Each time that the cat tried to open the door (by pushing down the handle, of course), I took the cat and sat on the edge of the bed. Tried to tame the cat by hugging it for as long as I could, without it escaping.

This reminded me of a story that aunt read to me when I was little. While I've forgotten the details of the story, it went something like this: an old buddhist monk had taken a solitary retreat to meditate somewhere in the mountains. There was not a soul in the mountains, except that each time he went to take water or wash clothes, he saw an ox in the distance, looking back at him. If he tried to approach the ox, then it started keeping more distance. If he ignored the ox, then it came closer. The monk started to wonder about the ox and its purpose. As he meditated on the ox and its purpose one day, he realized the purpose of the ox and became enlightened.

For me, the story was about taming the ox, which represented the monk's mind. On the day that I was attempting to tame the cat, the cat represented my mind.

Previously me and sister had believed that it's impossible to tame the cat. I mean, we've tried it so many times but it takes everything as a game. The cat is more-or-less convinced that we are its pawns. That day I decided to prove myself and sister wrong. While bullying the cat, I tried to connect to it telepathically and explain the situation: "You did not let sister sleep. Now you will only get out when she wakes up and opens the door." It actually seemed that the cat understood it. Though, came up with an excuse "But, but, I gotta pee." Me: "Nope, you'll need to hold it until she wakes up." Some time later the cat actually had to visit the bathroom, but soon sister opened the door as well.

After bullying the cat for ~2 hours with telepathic suggestion (to feel sorry for not letting sister sleep), it was still pissed at me and worried about sister for about an hour. Noticed that the cat was still in that state (could easily be seen from its eyes), formed a telepathic connection again and altered the emotion. The feedback was immediate - the cat suddenly became happy, hopped around and wanted to play with me. I was amazed at how little emotional resistance and inertia the cat has.

Did not manage to tame the cat, but learned other things. The bond with the cat was stronger than ever.

Mystery girl

The previous post lacked space for this detail. Noticed a peculiar young couple while waiting for the nightly bus from home town to the capital airport. A young guy in his 20s with a young girl. The guy seemed normal, perhaps a bit "experienced" for his age. The girl did not seem normal:

• Very shy or afraid of other people surrounding them.
• Albinism?
• I couldn't determine her age.
• I couldn't determine their language (they only whispered silently).
• Fairly fresh tattoo on her left thigh.
• Inhumanly attractive.
• Couldn't pick up any emotions or thoughts from the girl (psychic?).

Moreover, the girl seemed to have reacted to my attempts at detecting emotions or thoughts. It could be that she seemed alien due to me being unable to read her. Typically humans have a set of common memories or characteristics from growing in the community. She either didn't or I failed to sense it. This got me exceptionally curious.

I've probably read too much fiction with conspiracy theories but I started to wonder if the girl has escaped from some underground lab from somewhere .. or if she has been treated as a slave or somesuch. Or maybe an alien human hybrid of sorts. Fun to wonder about but most likely too far-fetched.

Emphasis on intuition

The trip

The Netherlands trip was interesting. I had it so that I would heavily rely on intuition. No GPS, no maps, no compass. Eventually it turned out I had just doubted a bit too much .. and zig-zagged around the correct route :D.

AirBnb host was outstanding. Very caring and helpful. In addition, really luxurious room at very low price. Though, there was a language barrier and it got me confused that she spoke a mixture of Dutch, German, English. So, I sometimes responded in German, sometimes in English .. and sometimes in whatever I had learned of Dutch. It was easier to understand what she meant than it was to respond so that she would be certain she got it correct. A practice of telepathy .. neat. The host also has a dog (which seems to be the case for almost everyone in Katwijk). At first, the dog disapproved my presence, and barked at me each time we met. So I sat down next to the dog and attuned to its level via empathy, after which the dog never barked at me again.

Ambient

Netherlands is really beautiful but I noticed that there is something wrong. Some say it's the weather that easily causes depression. However, at least at the apartment it seemed as if there were a source of darkness somewhere underneath. A knot of old experiences and memories, still lingering there. This seemed like a general issue. Shifted the focus a little, which seemed to have helped a bit. I was a bit amazed at the chasm between what people feel and what they act. But then again, my own life has been a performance as well.

Back

While on my way back, I forgot to show the public transportation card to the reader. Remembered that while standing in check-in queue, and decided not to go back (priorities must always be in-check). Even though I had like 2.5 hours until departure, I didn't want to spend the 15 min in order to save the card. First tried the self-check-in booth. It told me to ask the check-in table from an agent. Did that: desk 8. Stood the line at 8 (took around 30 min), then they told me to go to check-in desk 18, instead. Went there. Desk 18 was closed. Based on intuition, I went to desk 20 (skipped 19) for asking help. As it turned out, desk 20 was the correct desk. Ok, I had lost around 30 min .. no big deal. At some moment I realized that the line progresses very slowly. Moreover, the client service representatives left one by one, without replacement. Finally got the ticket, ran to pay for extra baggage and then ran to the gate. Some other people from the long check-in queue helped me a few times :). Enjoyed running through the crowd at such speed for such a distance. Made it and felt very good. Though, apparently the baggage didn't make it on this flight. Had I spent the extra 15 min on the public transportation card, I might have missed the flight. This whole incident made me very happy.

On the bus back home, I watched "The Maze Runner". It resonated. Although it has quite serious plot holes and logic flaws, it's a very inspiring movie.

Stuff

Took a nap after finishing with the review yesterday afternoon. After that I meditated for some time and then slept for 3 or 4 hours day. Still felt very tired. Though, at some moment something opened up and it became easier to focus on the crown. Worked on that some more, and got a few knots up the central channel and away. Couldn't sleep too well after all that meditation and daily sleep.

Some moments of light-stepping, forming of whirlwinds outside the window with secondary attention and synchronicity / telepathy of sorts. There's a trainee, who is rather open. For at least 2 times, I entered the lab to see how he's doing and on both occasions he had written me messages that I hadn't seen (messages were sent while I was already on my way to the lab).

Today some guy walked past me and Hi'd twice. He even turned around to see if I actually didn't recognize him. I also looked back at him (15 m of distance between us already) but I still didn't recognize him.

Personality switch

Geisting has become a bit "sharper". A moment ago there was a sharp snapping sound emitted from somewhere within the laptop. Semi-conscious geisting, as I felt it in the biofield.

While cramming for an exam, I played with a piece of self adhesive hook and loop fastening tape on the mouse cable. Then noticed that, and stopped because all such habits draw cat's attention. I think he was sleeping on the clothes drying rack, so that I was blocking his view of the tape. A single "visual" thought of the cat chewing on the tape was enough to trigger the cat. He leaped onto the table, creeped up to the same tape, bit it once and then left. Exactly as the "visual" thought portrayed. Even though there's a larger strip of such tape on the laptop adapter cable, the cat just crawled over it .. it was only interested in the small one attached to the mouse cable. Guarding one's thought patterns is what cats teach well.

Noticed something about my dreams that I've previously missed. On Saturday morning, I visited an exhibition or market hall twice. There were a lot of wooden bars and supports everywhere, which gave the place medieval looks. The first time was at night. Couldn't resist the desire to climb around, jump and stuff. Ended up at the same place with friends later in the morning. It was still so early that the place was empty, but it was quite bright already. Friends asked me to come and climb around a little. I said: "Hey, I was here just a few hours ago. Climbed around and stuff." Thought it wouldn't hurt to climb some more .. but something was different. Everything seemed very realistic and I didn't feel confident in my climbing abilities at all.

The personality must have been different. It seems it depends on time. At around midnight, there's a switch, and somewhere at 4 AM there's another. This was also evident during the hiking competition of the crazies or somesuch. Anyway, the asymmetry seems to be a problem here. The 20 h personality has too long duty cycle and the 4 h personality too short. For one, this produces a certain unsatisfied longing. But it also results in exhaustion and tiredness during the day. The 20 h personality can't maintain its peak performance.

On another subject, I want to re-share owltwelve's post on the psychokinesis forum:

An amazing story about a poltergeist case.

Pk research cooperation?

Nice, a colleague successfully defended their PhD thesis. I was rather nervous there, keeping myself back from comments on issues that I thought were not addressed.

My essay presentation about the properties of finite and infinite universes went okay as well, I guess. It wasn't as smooth as I would have liked it to be. And there were practically no questions from the audience, nor did they laugh at what I hoped would be funny.

Anyway, that's it with the course on religion, science, pseudo-science. Generally I marvelled at the intelligence of the lecturer, though, his motives seemed a bit unclear. Obviously he was lying when he said that he had not had any weird experiences but had heard a lot of stories from people. So, asked him about it and he admitted having had experiences with telepathy. We discussed some stuff, I mentioned a couple of my experiences and he asked me if I would like to cooperate in the research of these phenomena. His methods are still a bit unclear to me (got the impression that he wants to adapt the world - whereas I want to adapt myself to the world), so I did not give a clear answer but definitely agreed to discuss these things sometime or other. I'm a bit happy about that :).

Regarding telepathy, he said he heard the thoughts of other people. Most often, the unvoiced thoughts. This was sort of new to me, because I don't hear thoughts and I don't think I have. So far I have only felt thoughts.

Tired

Cat.

Someday I thought: "Why cats don't put things back the way they were, after making a mess?" Then I realized they haven't been designed that way. They simply can't do that. It is their job to make chaos and mine to transform it into order again. Similarly, I'm probably stirring up chaos in the eyes of some very highly evolved energy beings and they have to clean up after me. I don't like this at all, and feel guilty for not being evolved enough. Sometimes the cat feels the same, sometimes it simply accepts that it can't do much about it (and thus, doesn't worry about it).

Woke up tired. Went to lecture .. what a yawn party that was. Tried all sorts of tricks I've had in the sleeves against sleep. Focused psi into a thin glowing filament in the central channel. With this method, I saw a very vivid image of the dot of a green laser today morning. This opened up the chakras and I realized I've been doing it wrong. Enabled the upward flow of psi. For a moment, I was no longer tired, eyesight immediately improved at least 3x. But it didn't last long. Soon I was yawning even more.

Left for the bus stop. Waited for a bus, wondering what it was that made me this tired. Found myself staring at a puddle .. "Mmm, fresh water. No, scratch that. I wonder how many bacteria are in there. Must be a lot." :: a large crow shrieked, flew over my left shoulder, swooped down on the puddle and crossed the road. :: I suspect that with my thoughts, I was creating some sort of a construct on the puddle, which the crow popped. While I thought the situation was a bit unexpected, I wasn't really startled. However, there was a girl at a distance of about 2 m so that the crow had flown through from between us. She looked at me, shocked and a bit afraid.

With the cat around, need to be careful with thoughts. He's good at telepathy and takes things literally.

Some cat telepathy

Visualized swimming in cold water in pitch black darkness before falling asleep again. This visualization has helped to acquire the feel of a waving space-time. It has also caused jolts of consciousness sometimes. I really like it because it relaxes the body and mind very quickly.

Spent most of the night on some work-related stuff. Then looked outside .. "What, sunrise already?" So I went out. There was quite a wind outside, but I knew storms would be coming soon enough. Wanted to store some old stuff somewhere so that it wouldn't be broken with the wind, rain and snow. Carried a large piece of glass with a large fracture in it. Wanted to store it in one of the sheds, which I found to be close to falling apart as well.

There was some sort of an entity next to me. Asked if the building could still put up against the storms. They answered: "So far everything that you've built, has held up to now."

Climbed the building and stored things inside. The entity threw a bunch of iron hooks for me to put away in there. Put them next to a pile of long iron nails, which I found from underneath some hay.

Although everything was rusty and close to falling apart, the overall feeling of the dream was really nice and peaceful .. and the sunshine was pretty.

---

Telepathy with the cat hasn't worked too well recently. However, a few days ago it suddenly did. I wanted to brush my teeth but the cat had found his way into the sink. He tugged the bottle of liquid soap, which then fell into the sink. "Look what you did. Now how are you going to get it back there?" I thought to him. I left the bathroom and when I came back a minute later, he was still there, looking at the bottle with a sad aura. I felt sorry for what I had done and with telepathy, tried to explain that it didn't really matter - the bottle was not important.

Although it did work then, it still seems awfully difficult to explain to the cat that it's not polite to stomp on my work, play piano on the laptop keyboard, chew wires or climb up our feet. :)

Just .. dreams

Interesting dreams .. being on a boat with stormy water has been the most recent recurring theme. Pretty nature scenery as well.

Last night / morning, though, I found something interesting. Usually numbers, texts in the dreams are unclear and ever-changing. However, in this dream that was not the case. I was reading a book .. and doing so for a fairly long time (half an hour?). During that time, I browsed the pages and came back to the same page to read it again and cite it. The text was very persistent and there did not seem to have been any changes whatsoever. However, the book itself was a bit strange .. the sentences sort of made sense but seemed out of this world (alien logic). It was like a children's fiction book ingrained with existential subjects.

Ah, one more thing. Sister got a cat. However, in a dream the cat had a human-like form. He could talk, but only to a very limited degree. Anyway, the cat seems to be a bit frustrated that he's so small compared to us. He can't see what we are doing, eating for most of the time .. which is why he tries to climb us or climb other things to get closer to the eye level. During the first couple of days, he seemed to have been listening to telepathy. After that I guess he no longer cared much about we had to say about his actions.

Releasing tension

Well, about a week ago my celibacy counter reset. Apparently I had formed tension in the body again which, in combination with cold, drained quite a bit of that stored energy.

A couple of nights ago I went to bed early and produced a lot of sweat.

Synchronicity, empathy, telepathy and precognition have been pretty nice recently. Can't do much about all of the messages that arrive, but it's still quite valuable. Today morning I met with a colleague and I found something in him that I had not been aware of, wouldn't have even guessed (though, he's all secretive and I don't know him very well). Then today I took a detour around the town, while on my way to an evening lecture. During the detour, I recognized a place from some old dreams as well as had some vague "memories" surfacing from the medieval ages. Ah, one more thing - totally different people, with no common context are telling the same things. I wonder what's that about .. the puzzle hasn't come together just yet.

Last night I tried to let go the best I could. At some moment, there was something alike a small explosion in the head as one of the blockages cleared out. Might've become dangerous if I had maintained the tension for longer.

The past days have been covered in ego stuffs .. catching the mind on some strange habitual patterns that don't even make sense to the rational mind, far less to the more spiritual mind.

Recursive singularity

Today I realized a peculiarity in my behaviour, which I have been unaware of. This explains why I've been so annoyed by them Jehova witnesses, who spammed my work mailbox. I realized I've been acting the same by trying to point out to people that it's important to see things from multiple perspectives. For most of the time, people don't do that and that's a source of many conflicts. Then I was a bit annoyed by my friend's attempt at convincing me to sign his petition on refusing immigrants. I was annoyed because his forceful approach reminded me of Jehova witnesses. So, this is the chance to undo my Jehova-witness-like behaviour and forgive myself.

While being absent-minded about the ego issues, I managed to achieve a recursive singularity in my awareness (or unawareness). After gym, I went for the shower .. came back to the dressing room because I realized I had missed swimming pants. Looked for the pants .. not there, must have forgotten them home (since I couldn't remember packing them in). Although I think through all the necessary components each time, I figured I must have made a mistake this time. Shrugged, took a shower, sauna and came back to dressing room. Packed my stuff and then realized something was left over .. my swimming pants. Wadaf? Apparently I had forgotten that I had not forgotten to take the swimming pants, hence the recursive singularity.

Started FB, clicked on the event that sister visited yesterday. Browsed the page, wondering what the event was about and stuff. Heard a loud non-localized voice saying something, from which I couldn't make out words. It reminded me of sister's voice, but it was a bit different. Also, I think sister is in the other room sleeping. It couldn't have been the neighbours, either, because it was loud and yet didn't seem to have come from any particular direction. Not sure, but I think the voice was moving a bit towards the balcony door. Weird, might this be sister's cloud of consciousness that was drawn to me browsing FB on the event she had visited?

Surface dreams

Hyena shared Castaneda's audio books with me. Started listening to "The teachings of Don Juan" yesterday and it's amazing. Peter Coyote tells it so well.

Slightly less than a week ago I had a dream where some guy at the street was shooting at me. It was night and the streets were empty. Ducked in the shadow of a car for some time (until I thought he had cleared the magazine). I knew I barely had enough energy to protect myself (perhaps just barely enough to maybe scare him off), so I took my willpower and swooped towards him. He hid in a sea container. Flying, I tore through the container wall and looked at him .. then the dream ended. With a blank mind, he was staring at me, terrified.

There haven't been many dreams that I've remembered or that have stood out. Perhaps one weird dream did stand out. I was floating around as a cloud, observing a situation from multiple angles. There were three people at a house. They were calmly waiting for someone who was supposed to come there. That someone appeared as a mouse. He was happy to bring great news, but right when he was about to share the news, one of the three people took a bow and shot through the two eyes of the mouse. This shocked me and the mouse. I think I tried to revive it and heal it.

From dream dictionary:

To see mice in your dream indicates that you are spending too much time dwelling on minor problems and insignificant matters.

To see mice feeding or eating in your dream suggests that someone is trying to bring down your self-confidence. Someone may be nipping away at your resources.

A few days ago I started working on recapitulation again. One night I got so deep into reliving specific moments of the past, that I had to stop it to also get some sleep before the morning. Realized it was the lack of recapitulation that caused the stomach problems .. or rather, there are too many problems to digest. So, I'll just have to undo some of them.

I want to integrate recapitulation into everything I do again. Whenever I detect emotions or internal tension increasing, I would focus on observing the situation without participation.

On Friday or Saturday morning, I realized I heard father's thoughts. Previously I've known the thoughts of other people, but haven't heard them directly like that.

The bee lesson

Pretty fascinated about the Bible of the Undead. Loving all the experiences that the author shared. Also, the tips are good .. although some of them contain highlighted details that are not really important IMHO.

After some straining concentration practice last week and during the weekend, I let my mind free so that it can become unconscious in the dreams.

At work, we sought bugs in a cobweb of math and temporary variables. Paid attention to the subtle feelings about the lines of code, which helped a lot.

Before leaving, another worker switched the lights off. I thought: "Convenient .. don't have to switch them off afterwards." He then switched them back on, looked at me, struggling to remember my name. He then asked me if I'll switch the lights off myself. I agreed. He waved goodbye and left the room. Less than a minute later, the lights switched off on their own. There's a fancy touch-screen control panel for these lights. I suspected there might be some sort of a mode with timeout or something.

Walked towards home with a colleague. Noticed that wind picked up and there were clouds around. Later when it started to rain, I unpacked a raincoat from my backpack and put it on. Right after I had done that, I noticed that there was a bee on the raincoat, right at my heart. It hold on strongly while looking at my face. The rain, the wind didn't affect it. I was already approaching home and found that I was afraid the bee wouldn't fly away before I reached the apartment block. So I stopped near some trees and bushes and looked at what the bee had in mind. Now that I had stopped moving, it started climbing around, drinking water droplets. Realized that deep down, I had a little bit of fear and hatred for this little creature. That's where some dark thoughts emerged. Practised forgiving myself, practised feeling unconditional love towards the bee as it moved towards my right hand. Something changed in the flow of psi on the hand. Suddenly I became attuned to the bee and I experienced a spontaneous telepathic message: "Fly away". The bee turned around and flew away. Realized the reason for the bee and I cheered up. I wondered if my previous experiences with the butterflies had been for the same reason - and I had just ignored it arrogantly.

Continued on my way home and saw mother and sister open the external door. They had come from the shop. Nice timing.

Cow with an aching stomach

A lot of chat with sister. Saw into her yesterday (empathy, telepathy). Finally understood one of the ideas behind her business plans and found it ingenious.

Had an interesting dream last night:

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I was near the summerhouse with a friend. Not sure what we were doing there, but I remember that we were in a happy mood. Then one of the cows from the pasture started moaning with a really depressive sound. Didn't know what to do or what was wrong. Started walking towards the cow.

Another cow came back from the pasture. This cow was special because it could speak to humans and worked as a link between the cows and humans. It told us that the cow had an aching stomach and that he/she/it would take an apple for the cow with stomach problems.

My logic contradicted with that. The apple was half-ripe and it was from a sweet apple tree. To me it seemed that this would only cause gas and would make stomach problems worse. However, I also remembered that previously I have ignored what was suggested by the cow and acted from logic. My logic has usually made matters worse. The thing is that these cows would step aside if I were to do something myself. They were there for the default operations as well as for providing me with info.

So, I said to the cow: "sure, go ahead." The cow ran back to the herd. Cow moaning stopped. The cow who could speak to humans, shouted some parameter values (acronymes and mysterious units). Someone else shouted back: "Good job! That's well within the norms."

I was amazed and yet it seemed logical that cows can solve their own problems the best. My logic doesn't have to apply there.

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I suspect that for me, a cow symbolizes a being from the non-physical planes. The cow who could speak to humans probably symbolized a translation layer between the physical and non-physical planes.

A lot of chat with sister again.

Edit: Remembered that at night I heard dad cough in his room (next to mine). Uhm .. and in the morning I realized that he was still on Saaremaa. Either I was still half-dreaming or dad was also sleep-teleporting.