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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Thursday, December 27, 2018

Clips of dreams

Although I've forgotten most of the dreams from the past couple of weeks, there have been a few things that stood out.

Quote out of context


I've forgotten what the dream was about, and what was the context. Just me and some other family member in the kitchen at the summerhouse. I think the other family member told me: "If you hold the world, then the world holds you".

I think I was embarrassed for them to have to tell me something this obvious. Probably that's why I'm not sure if indeed the family member told me that, or I told this to the family member.

All in all, it doesn't matter, for the quote asserts the importance of attitude towards everything.

New apartment complex

I was flying across the large pavement square next to the stores when I decided to check out a new apartment complex that was being constructed somewhere.

It appeared as an overlay behind the pavement square. A straight path through a bunch of trees, and then the apartment complex was at the end of the path, on the left. The new path and the apartment complex had a golden shine to it, like the astral counterparts of objects (and people) often do.

I touched the pavement gently (so much so that I was impressed as well), and started walking towards the building. For me, the only thing that really stood out about the dream was the way I touched the ground. The pavement looked wet and littered with tiny shards of glass and I was in socks. However, it seemed that it did not matter because of the attitude with which I touched the ground. It was the attitude that made all the difference.

Grandpa, the other one

I was having a chat with the grandpa that's still alive and well. At some point he said he was moving.

In the dream I was like: "Oh, that's nice". Me after waking up: "Wtf, this is ominous". The thing is, at his age moving apartments would be very unlikely.

Though, I'm glad that he and my sister now get along well again. Mom told me something interesting though: "She's similar to grandpa's mother. He did not get along too well with his mother." The way I see it, this hints at reincarnation again.

Grumpy granny on saucer patents

Actually before watching Kimi no na wa, I had watched Texhnolyze which had a very sad ending but it hit the same spot as Kimi no na wa. Texhnolyze is very dark and bloody, so I wouldn't recommend it.

A part of the desire and emotions that I mentioned in the previous post, were about flying saucer patents. After reading quite a few of them, the passion decreased considerably. For me, most of the mysterious shroud has been lifted and I think I have realized at least the following:
  1. The reason why we're driving around in cars instead of flying around in saucers:
    1. There are plenty of problems that are still not easily solved with today's physics and technology.
    2. While there probably is technology that solves these problems, most of this physics and technology is still way beyond mainstream.
    3. In general, nobody cares because there's old and proven technology already out there and it's way cheaper to keep using it instead of funding sketchy R&D for tens of years.
  2. Most of the patents don't hold water, as it's just some inventors wishing for the big fish without having even tested a proof of concept.
    1. Well, I also haven't tested the proof of concept so I shouldn't be the one labeling something as "probably pollocks". However, most of the effects are too weak to produce enough thrust. At least one of the inventors actually mentioned this in one of their patents. All of his patents were about tricks to improve the thrust.
    2. Most of the patents are about the utilization of a single effect, without considering all the other factors. Most of the patents are still about ion wind, which would only work in lower atmosphere.
  3. A lot of conspiracy nuts (just like myself) are blown away by just images from patents instead of actually looking into the patents. I find it hilarious that among patents of flying saucers, there's at least one patent on a generic UFO-shaped amusement device for kids.
  4. Mainstream science is way more correct about things than most conspiracy nuts (including me) like to think.
Hmm .. or maybe I'm just becoming old?

Don't get me wrong, though. I'm convinced that by combining mainstream physics, there would be enough thrust for small vehicles. For sure it'll make for an interesting hobby. Also, while at it, might just as well find more pieces of the puzzle for actual anti-gravity.

Kimi no na wa

A masterpiece that hit home way more than I would've anticipated.

Recently I've been struggling with the heat of desire and emotions again. Especially since I know that I need to find a girlfriend. Yesterday I stalked an old crush of mine, to find that she's found a guy. I'm glad and I wish them all the best. I was given plenty of chances but I was a bit disappointed because except for the empathy, I couldn't find a common ground. Timing wasn't the best, either. Pff .. romance in this blog.

In "Kimi no na wa" they got it quite right about the fading of memories after waking up. However, there are a lot of memories stored in the body and when one possesses another, then they can already make use of the memories and skills. I also loved the fact that there was a time shift, and that the protagonists managed to alter things. I found it very realistic how things changed without proof that anything was altered at all, as well as the way Taki only remembered having a peculiar interest in the small town and how the townspeople had survived.

All in all, in exchange for tears, the movie helped me realize a thing or two.

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Cat glowing red

Vacation, so have been sleeping a lot.

Had a dream of attending a conference far away (still on Earth, tho) and missing the bus back home. Woke on alarm.

The cat had been sleeping on the blanket, just on top of my feet. As it woke up and stretched itself, I saw it as glowing red. Everything else in my room looked normal. At first, the glowing red cloud extended beyond its fur. With the gradual fading of the cloud, in a couple of seconds I could only see the red glow from underneath its fur, and eventually I lost sight of it altogether.

Haibane Renmei

Watched Haibane Renmei. It's a masterpiece that deals with the cycles of reincarnation and enlightenment.

A really good one:

Communicator: "To recognize one's own sin is to have no sin. So, are you a sinner?"

Rakka: "Uh! But if I think I have no sin, then I become a sinner!"

Communicator: "Perhaps this is what it means to be bound by sin. To spin in the same circle, looking for where the sin lies, and at some point losing sight of the way out."

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Non-standard dreams

Went to bed after returning from a sauna evening yesterday. I think my hair was still a bit moist as I left, which might have triggered the second dream.

Dream: Astronaut


For the first time I got to experience being launched to low earth orbit with a rocket, in a dream, though. An awesome experience. At some point during the ascent, the dangers dawned on me, so I started a thorough observation of my emotions and thoughts. The launch was flawless, and got to observe the Earth while floating around weightless.

Dream: Attempts to fix the roof


It was a nice and calm weather, so I went to fix the roof of a building. As a temporary solution, the roof was covered in a plastic film. As the first thing, I removed the film. But then I thought that I could do it better. Rewound and tried it again, then again. Each time that I redid it, it became more windy and it was more and more difficult to even reach the same quality as I did for the first time.

All in all, due to seeking quality beyond what I could achieve without trying, I failed to fix the roof.

Wisdom from a grumpy cat

Got a chance to visit father yesterday. Reserved a few hours for chatting.

Among other interesting stories, he told one of his dreams where their cat asked him a question.
  • Cat: "When one asks a question, then what is it that they want?"
  • Father: "What a complicated question, how would I know?"
  • Cat: "They want their question to be understood."
  • .. cat leaves the scene ..
Ingenious, imho.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Latent power

On Sunday evening I found the source of my cellphone wallpaper. Official music video of Porter Robinson & Madeon - Shelter. Found the story and visuals quite good.

After working late again yesterday evening, I went to bed. While meditating / simply laying there before falling asleep, I noticed some kind of a power that I had not noticed for a long time. Guided by prior experience, I kept a safe distance and simply observed the power that was asleep somewhere within the body. I figured that I would need to maintain constant awareness of it, to avoid misusing it.

Well, from my own perspective today I seemed more impulsive than usual, and found it rather easy to produce bursts of psi.

Dream: Predator

A predator entered home. Due to the lack of a better idea of how to get rid of it, I decided to domesticate it by ensuring that it has enough food. Started browsing the fridge. Found all sorts of food, snacks and stuff. The predator gratefully ate all of these. Among the last items from the fridge was a plastic bag with a bunch of moss and green grass .. and as it turned out, a live hare. So the predator ate the hare as well.

Although the predator looked like a large cute cat, all the other cats and dogs were scared for their lives whenever this predator was in the house. The predator was full, so I was relieved and decided to go to the store to stock up for the next day so that it wouldn't eat all the cats and dogs.

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Dream of flight

A summary, written during fast times.

Too much media. Probably family will be pissed about me not notifying them about my appearances.

One morning I saw through the closed eyelids again, with a matrix of light overlay. As I opened my eyes, I still saw the matrix for a couple of seconds or so before it faded away.

Yesterday I had the chance to meet a mind that thinks alike. He had not done as much research and was a bit reckless but it's rare to find people with enthusiasm about the taboo topics such as UFO, ZPE, anti-gravity and so on.

Yesterday I put forth some effort to compensate for my sleep deprivation. Today morning I fancied flying in dreams. Flew around a bit, enjoying the freedom. Woke into another dream, still desiring to fly .. realized I've been practising it wrong .. and flew across the street. Saw my supervisor and decided to descend next to him for a quick chat. Walked home, and he transformed into father, I think.

I wish I would become fluent in flying around on all layers of dreamscape. Of course, including this one that they call reality.

Edit: Recently I've also found a lot of power from folk music. Wardruna, Hu and the like. Similar to what uncle's band used to produce.

Friday, November 16, 2018

Times of change

Will celebrate the 30th birthday with a spacecraft launch, for which we developed instruments.

Perhaps also worth posting, a couple of evenings ago a few colleagues and I visited a Hot pot restaurant. In addition to the delicious food, the waitresses had a praying Buddha candle holder on the counter that caught my attention. It "reminded" me of something. In the vision, I was a nun who had been praying in this pose so often that her hands had become not only flexible but the praying pose had become the default (most comfortable) pose.

In a couple of recent dreams I've seen myself at a religious gathering.

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Sleeping spirits


Pondered about the golden veil and the sensation of longing and feeling at home in hyperspace (as described by Billy Meier). Might it be that we're like pieces / filaments / protuberances of the golden mist (our home) exploring the world beyond the veil. This would explain feeling out-of-place and longing for what's beyond the golden veil. Moreover, this raises the curiosity of what would lie beyond the next veil after the golden one. Might these veils be related to chakras in any way? No, perhaps not - chakras are a property of this body but the body (probably even the astral body) would lose its meaning in the golden mist. While there probably is structure within the golden mist (I've seen different kinds of gold in the astral), it's way less stable. Perhaps the idea is to explore the lower veil as a means to extrapolate the path to the higher veil? Since already the realm of the golden mist / light is beyond this physical realm, entering the next realm after the golden mist would probably mean no coming back to this physical realm. Exciting stuff. Perhaps it would be a good idea to live the rest of this life right next to the golden veil and then fly through once the mission is concluded.

Edit: Oh, one more thing that I wanted to post. The lack of motivation when overwhelmed by bliss - I think this basically shows that the reason why I do anything at all is to become happy. I've gotten it all wrong, as this is not the correct reason for pursuing anything. Happiness should be a nice side-effect to doing things in the right way, but happiness itself should not become a blocker to further progress. Instead, I should do things because I can help mankind in doing so. This way becoming happy or enjoying the bliss would only serve to assist me in my work.

Recently I've had dreams full of all sorts of unknown symbols, as well as info that has been meant to be taken literally the way it's conveyed. Like at the end of a dream, an entity said: "Time's up" :::alarm rings:::

Hypnagogic: Sell AMD, NVDA

A couple of weeks ago, an entity popped up and told me to sell my AMD, NVDA stocks. Me: nope, too low .. long AMD & NVDA. Me now: would have been a very good deal.

The message couldn't have been any more clear, and yet I chose not to act because of my previous decision to not pursue short-term fluctuations. However, after 2 years of passive long-term, I think it should actually be about time to start looking at occasional trading as well.

Dream: Daisy-chaining concentration

Having played Styx quite a bit, the dream probably followed from the inspiration. I was in a straight corridor with a plain wall in front of me. All walls were gray and insignificant, except for the wall in front. I knew that there had to be something hidden in the wall in front, but first I had to get to it. For the rational mind it seemed straightforward (a straight corridor, after all). Instead, I went with the flow and looked at my right arm. Concentration pulled me into the arm, focusing on smaller and smaller objects within each-other. Having shrunk the field of consciousness enough, the wall in front revealed picture frames with symbols. Unknown symbols that looked similar to something from a book on the occult or somesuch.

Dream: Colleague asleep in a room full of sleeping spirits

This colleague has been looking for a room. I haven't offered mine, because I haven't had / taken the time to clean everything, install new lamp and lamp shades and stuff like that. Lousy excuse.

The dream clearly indicated that he would get along well with the spirits. It's not like the apartment is haunted or anything, but I take such a dream as a signal because it's the first time for me to see a non-family member that deep in my own mind-space.

Anyway, I tried to wake him up and ask him to come out of the room .. without me waking the spirits. I noticed that there were about 2-3 spirits in the room, all asleep. One of them was grandpa, as humble as possible (sleeping on an old mattress on the floor, without sheets and a blanket). While I did recognize the other(s), I think none of them were familiar from this lifetime.

This dream helped me realize the meaning of an old dream, which I suspect would be a bit difficult to find from the blog. Anyway, in that dream I visited a witchy friend of a friend and I was somewhat freaked about all the strange people and creatures roaming about his house. He was weird but all the creatures in his house were way beyond that. I suspect that he was one of the last people in his family tree and all the past relatives had gathered up at his house. He carefully let us in one by one, and made sure that the spirits accepted all of us before inviting us any further. Dangerous business.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Golden Veil

Wanted to post this, as a follow-up of the Dark Veil, however, I haven't investigated the Golden Veil that much yet.

I guess that people could be born between the two veils, but sometimes cross the dark veil and become lost. If that's the case, then it would be quite difficult for them to even consider anything on the other side of the veil, including the golden veil. One would first need to penetrate the dark veil, and then gradually shift their consciousness towards the golden veil.

I've gotten the impression that the closer one gets to the golden veil, the more pleasure and happiness they would feel. They would start seeing more and more of the golden light that permeates everything and shines through matter. Material objects would seem like merely temporary facades, as if made of cardboard that has been manifested by the mind, and is empty of actual presence. Space itself would start to seem dimensionless, with large and small objects being no different.

Based on the former observations (which happen to be somewhat scattered across this blog), I would conclude that the golden veil / mist is related to manifesting matter or forming space (or space-time). Perhaps matter is simply interwoven vorticular patterns of the golden and dark mists?

As opposed to the dark mist, maybe the golden mist likes to stick together, pulling on anything that has had contact with it. At least when moving away from it, there seems to always be this longing that pulls back towards it even from beyond the dark veil.

Both veils can be seen with the mind's eye, maybe they're also directly visible, don't know. Similarly to how people who have penetrated the dark veil have difficulties living this life in this world, I got the impression that people who have penetrated the golden veil would have difficulties living in this world. Which is why I held my horses before deciding to penetrate the veil. It seems very easy to become attracted to either of these veils.

Lot of symbols

Had a dream full of new symbols last night.

Recently the dreams have become a bit more interesting. More levitation dreams again, some very bright and chill, some slightly gloomier. Psi-work has also become more interesting.

I started visualizing female energy and adding it to the mix. Hadn't done that for years. It makes it easier to be calm and it provides a significant improvement in the sharpness of focus as well. Many of the blockages within the body can only be resolved with a balance of both. I'm not sure if I have it correct (yin or female is supposed to be dark and cold and yang or male the opposite) but I've referred to it differently.

On Monday I surprised myself and others around me with my sharpness of focus. Yesterday I noticed that whenever I stepped in the leaves, leaves blew away from me. It looked as if a gust of wind was produced by my foot as I stepped. Right when I started wondering about it, the phenomena disappeared.

I've been feeling quite tired, though. Concentration and blockages, perhaps? And lack of meditation.

Dream: Dangerous grounds

I was flying around with two other people. I was the one providing lift, whereas the others fulfilled the jobs of eyes and brains.

We wanted to reach a boat smith while touching the ground as little as possible. Within the dream, all surfaces oozed of a slightly ominous aura and when looking at surfaces, they crawled with bugs and worms. Harmless but still not very inviting. The dream ended when we circled around and landed at the boat smith.

Dream: Those symbols, man


Me, aunt and mom were in the kitchen. I looked out of the window and saw lady on a horse hopping from roof to roof. She hopped onto our roof and disappeared, probably from the other side of the building.

I pointed it out so that aunt and mom wouldn't miss it. Even though it caused the building to vibrate or shake a little, they wouldn't have noticed because it was not meant for them. Even the shaking was a manifestation of my mind. I found it interesting that I pointed at the roof on level with our floor and said it was our roof, whereas the roof on top of us was not ours. Dream logic FTW.

Left to the other side of the building, looking for horse foot prints on my balcony. However, while I was on my way there, I came across an animated stuffed animal that was trying to climb onto a chair. I referred to it as a bull but it looked more like a stuffed bear or somesuch. With a "WTF" expression, I helped it onto the chair and it told me telepathically that it's all a manifestation of my own mind. I wanted to tell someone about what I had just seen - an animated stuffed animal, but there was nobody there.

Continued towards the balcony. Tried to find my camera to gather evidence of these strange phenomena. It took a lot of time and eventually I still failed to find it. Went onto the balcony, which transformed into the floor of a medium-sized hall. Left by flying through the wall. Behind the building, there was a nice small patch of greenery.

Hmm .. there was something about sister as well, but I forgot.

First time symbols: horse, animated stuffed animal.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Dark Veil

Today morning I pondered about the feelings of loneliness, sadness, separation and what causes these. Obviously these feelings arise from an illusion, a bitter-sweet illusion. Though, it occurred to me that this illusion is caused by the dark veil.

Based on this, the dark veil (dark blue haze) might have the following fundamental properties: it absorbs and isolates (disintegrates).

It fits rather well with my astral travel / out-of-body experiences. The dark veil can be used to cut space-time, making it possible to be partially in one realm and partially in another. Or perhaps the dark veil is simply the lack of space-time in the first place?

In general this seems to fit well with the guides and stories from Steve Richards' book on invisibility. I think that the main method was wrapping oneself in the dark veil, which would then grant invisibility.

I suspect that presence is only really presence if it's bidirectional - one is aware of others, and others are aware of the one. That is, presence is based on empathy. Now if one isolates themselves from the surroundings with the help of this dark veil, their presence is diminished. It would seem as if the dark veil is absorbing or eating away the energy of the person. So, probably a good anchor would be needed to circumvent this.

Ever noticed how depending on emotions, everything seems brighter or darker? Perhaps we experience this veil differently on the different astral layers of our bodies? On one layer it looks like loneliness, sadness, depression, whereas on another layer it just looks like a dark cloud or mist?

What if people struggling with depression are simply overwhelmed by the veil?

I've also thought that perhaps magicians love to mimick the dark veil with black cloth in their tricks where they cut people in half, make them disappear and so on.

All in all, the dark veil is a powerful tool if it's used with care.

Monday, October 8, 2018

Ego splash

Although I passed the exam with the highest grade, in my eyes it was a failure. While the written exam went alright (I've sat through a lot of written exams), I became way too nervous for the oral exam that followed right after. Very embarrassing and although I felt sorry for my existence for the rest of the week, I learned a lot about my psychology (and a bit of physics as well). I'm thankful for the lesson.

I did not meditate nor sleep enough before the exam. However, I relaxed too much .. which caused a wet dream, which in turn caused me to catch a little cold together with some sleep deprivation. Not the perfect combination for an exam. The wet dream caught me off-guard, I was so tired that it happened in the deep sleep state without even seeing any sexy integrals.

Amazing how everything around me reorganized in such a way that I could take the time and study. It's also amazing how two seemingly mutually exclusive outcomes were manifested. The universe works in mysterious ways, and the mystery sure is way beyond the physics nowadays. I have a lot to learn about physics as well as about the way that the universe works.

Finally got 1.5 d of vacation on Saaremaa. Fixed a couple of computer issues for aunt, helped with installing a pump and helped to plant bushes.

Yesterday uncle got 50 and he encouraged me to follow my ambitions. Today a NASA astronaut visited us at work and gave a very inspiring speech about on following one's ambitions.

Unrelated, except for symbolics. Had to reconfigure the networking of my RPi today evening but I only had a display and a mouse. Apparently Raspbian doesn't come with a virtual keyboard. Stopped whining, reconfigured networking and then installed the matchbox-keyboard. All by copy-pasting together commands from letters which I could find from different files on the system. Such a small thing but it felt at least as good as jumping into puddles (couldn't resist during my 1.5 d vacation).

Monday, September 24, 2018

Calculator

Enjoyed some heavy derivations again, until I either had to eat or the brain started smoking. Good concentration practice, especially with the cat meowing all around, sometimes poking the pages of the book, sometimes chewing on the book, sometimes chewing my hand, etc.

Reading the book now gets my mind blank and makes me feel quite floaty. <- dude gets high just on reading a physics book. Shit's ridiculous.

Anyway, had a dream where I was in a shack right in the middle of a field, with no walls and barely anything for a roof. Took a short break and stowed my laptop somewhere in the shack. I knew that the shack wouldn't withstand rain, nor would the laptop .. but for some reason I did it anyway. Went into some building where I needed the laptop but it had started raining.

Realized that laptop or any kind of computer = calculator (rational mind). With all these days full of joy from derivatives, integrals and math tricks, the dream symbology can't be more obvious. It indicated that I needed to take more care of bodily needs while at it. Bought some fruits and different peanuts. Probably had a lack of minerals.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Orb avoiding obstacles

I suspect that when I was seeing blue flashes in the dark, it might've been due to having glanced at the bright red LED of the projector clock. That's because I haven't used the projector clock for months and I haven't seen the blue flashes anymore.

However, there's another phenomena that I haven't quite figured out yet. Yesterday had a visiting journalist who was making interviews. Suddenly I saw a bright golden orb float near the wall of the room. It floated past one table, at which point I moved my eyes away (so that I could no longer see it) and back. I still saw it but by that time, it had almost gone past the other table next to the previous one. It continued moving in the same direction, until it got to the rectangular pillar-like thing with sockets for electricity and ethernet cables (how's it called?). Then the orb actually curved around the pillar and continued in the same direction, just along the wall. I confirmed that I could see it with both of my eyes, first with one, then with the other (it's only visible in quite narrow viewing angles). While it's otherwise nearly impossible to estimate the size of these things or their distance, I find it amazing that they would react to objects in the room.

There's one thing about these orbs that makes me feel a bit uneasy. When looking at them, it feels as if it's emitting a lot of radiation of some sort. It feels almost like looking at a welding arc without protection .. at a distance, of course. But additionally, when I once saw one of these orbs fly past my head on my left, I felt some kind of radiation on the left side of my head .. through the skull and through the brain. Even though fun to look at, these things might not be all that healthy.

So far I haven't had anyone else telling me about these, so I suspect they probably don't see it. Well, it is a somewhat rare sight and only visible from quite limited angles.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Power tale

Recently I've been practising concentration in a slightly different way. A book reading marathon. A somewhat thick book full of derivations, for PhD and stuff. After a day of reading and deriving, I've typically played a bit of Stalker (which has probably influenced some of my dreams).

Another factor that has probably influenced the dreams is a serious ego-slap that I had on Friday. Need quite a bit of meditation to cope.

Had an interesting dream last night, but since it was one of the first dreams, I don't remember too much about it anymore.

Dream: Power tale of an old shaman

Somehow my dead uncle popped into mind. He wasn't there directly, but the dream reminded me of his work with the local folklore. In the dream I was told a story of a powerful shaman hundreds of years ago. Throughout the dream, I could feel his power throughout the narrative. By the end of the dream, I think I met him just before he left this world, flying away.

Throughout the dream there was some guy doing the narration, and then I think the omnipresent shaman was always observing the whole thing. The narrator cited the shaman on everything being created by the mind. Or rather, it was the omnipresent shaman saying it instead of the narrator. Anyway, he did not mean the rational mind which is obvious. I was curious if there was any relation at all between the rational and the non-rational mind because I've often heard that the rational mind often tends to hamper spiritual progress. The answer was that the two are not mutually exclusive, and often develop together. As an example, I was shown that the shaman had derived most of physics and chemistry on a whim. Back then the formalism was not yet established, which made his scriptures very difficult to interpret. I was shown an old man who was trying to make sense of the scriptures. The man was puzzled at the shaman's periodic table of elements which contained descriptions of elements that were not yet known at that time.

Dream: Catwees

Two identical cats and for some reason they kept pissing on corners in the apartment. Throughout the dream I carried the cats to some place where they were supposed to relieve themselves. Except that there was no dedicated place for that.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Soaked

Caught a heavy rain + hail + rain today morning. Got a bit soaked. Wasn't hit by lightning though, so perhaps uncle Zeus wasn't really that pissed at me.

My backpack is no longer as waterproof as it used to be. Water comes in from the top but doesn't drain all that quickly. Due to this, my earphones got soaked, as did one side of the laptop. I let the laptop sit on the wet edge to pour out most of the water, then blew some more water out with pressurized air, after which I warmed it in the thermal chamber for about an hour. Everything seems to be working fine.

Before getting out of bed today morning I listened to some geisting noises. First of all it sounded as if someone was bouncing basketball under my bed. The time interval between the bounces did not match the space between my bed and my floor. This sound might've been hypnagogia. Though, the sound of something repetitively snapping inside the mattress - that was not.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Waning moon

Shikantaza

Inspired by O12, tried something similar to shikantaza last night. Picked a stressed region in the body and observed whatever it was that went through the mind. Once I had relaxed the body and the regular mind, I went deeper. Then deeper again. Then cat jumped on my stomach, startling me out of this meditation (the cat is heavy).

The cat also wanted to enjoy meditation. It took me a while (perhaps 15 min) to relax again.

I've found that it helps when I focus on the space around me. Need to spread the consciousness enough so that I would have a background viewpoint without getting absorbed in the arising emotions or images. When relaxing a region within the body, I anchored the "secondary attention" around my back, sides and in front of me. The more the volume and distance, the stronger the anchor. However, it needs to have enough density to be of help. When relaxing the mind, I spread it out on a plane just below the layer of mind that I was relaxing.

Cat: Wake up, wake up, look up there

"What now-Oh"

A large waning moon (according to https://www.moongiant.com/phase/today/, 7%) right in front of me. Felt quite mysterious. Imagine the feeling of being alone in the world with the moon and a cat (everyone else is sleeping). I wanted to sleep but apparently the cat kept staring at it until it descended behind some buildings just before the dawn. Man, the cat is better at Trataka than me.

Got a lot of very short deep cycles of sleep.

Dream: Pk camp

On Thursday morning I had a dream where I woke up to some voices outside. Waltzed to the balcony and looked down. A British master teaching psychokinesis to a small group of people (5 - 6) that were sitting around him in a half-circle. Recognized the master - I had seen him teaching somewhere before .. but I was surprised to see him in the back yard.

I would've wanted to go down and listen to him as well, but I had barely any time before going to work. So, I tried to pack my things as fast as I could, and get down there.

Wrong approach, dreams don't work that way. Should've sat on the balcony and listened to him from there.

Dream: Gliding around


Jumped down from a bunch of rocks that started emitting wasps, and floated. The ground looked slippery and dangerous, so I visualized a sledge. The sledge eventually broke into pieces. Flew back, landing every now and then to gather the pieces (wouldn't want to litter the environment). I was happy about the flying, it always lifts the mood.

Dream: Herb store

Wandered through the town, looking for someplace to eat. All of them were ridiculously expensive. Eventually got to a small store where they sold some eco stuff. I consider myself educated enough to know that "eco" = "ridiculously overpriced". I looked around, until the lady at the counter asked what it was that I would like to have. I selected something, and witnessed the peculiarities of the dream body again - touching something was the same as smelling, tasting and eating it. It was something made of mint and whenever I touched it, I felt mint throughout the body. I was embarrassed by my manners - eating something off the counter and not even paying for it.

The dream seemed very vivid up until the moment when I touched the object. The dream deterioriated soon after.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Mattress is alive!

I've been releasing blockages recently. Often I've been laying in bed while doing so. Sometimes the mattress twitches and makes a snapping sound. I used to think it was the cat poking at the mattress with its claw or something. Though, I know that the cat is polite enough not to do that. Last night I managed to isolate the cat from my room. Well, except for his cloud of consciousness *cough* hair particles that fly around. Anyway, the cat was not in my room and that was confirmed by the sound of him crunching his food behind the door. Experienced the strongest mattress twitch thus far, not far from the feet. The snapping sounds from furniture and walls still occur as well - no changes there.

Also, the ceiling lamp at work was constantly making a clicking sound yesterday.

Stress due to a work deadline and frustration due to other colleagues not taking it seriously enough.

Regardless, there have been a lot of realizations in the past couple of months that I've utilized to change my life. It's not only spiritual .. the body is also changing again. Healing vibrations throughout the body, feeling prana flow, waves of heat propagating up the body, etc.

My eating habits have changed as well. I've noticed that I don't like eating meat anymore. For lunch at work, there's barely anything without meat so I still eat meat there. While this has come gradually over months, I only noticed it perhaps a couple of weeks ago that I had begun opting for vegetarian courses in the menus. Tastes way better.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Freefall

Decided to make a silicon mold for electret experiments. Opened the balcony window, cat hopped onto the metal-sheet flashing. He nearly fell off. I tried to invite him back. No luck. Gently touched his tail, which startled him and he actually fell down.

That's not the first time that he's fallen from there, but this time he's larger and heavier. Regardless, he had landed just fine. He backed up and looked up to the 4th floor so that I would see him. I went down and picked him up from underneath the spruce tree. The experience was quite a shock for him, but at least this time he wasn't alone.

Felt sorry for him, while at the same time I was inspired by his experience. For me it emphasized the power of clear-minded concentration during an emergency. It also associated with the book Project superman by Michael Andrew Pero.

Sunday, August 26, 2018

Tired of the game


Happened to watch a police interview of a school shooter (clicky). Yet another typical case of hearing a voice in their head. The interviewer, however, didn't get it.

This had me wondering about a dream where mankind struggled with a nonphysical disease that struck kids (clicky). What if it's a matter of a spiritual immune system? There have probably been a lot of "rituals" that have brought plenty of entities into this realm, many of them probably still roaming about. If that's the case then mankind is in way over its head. To make it a bit more obvious, one could sprinkle a bit of Michael Tsarion on the matter (wars as ritual sacrifices), but there is no way to resolve the issue while mankind is waging wars.

Cut out some of the plastic and silicone rubber with black mold in the bathroom and replaced it with something new.

Dream: The game

A very typical dream of a game. It starts out somewhere in the basement of a building, where the player has to climb through all kinds of obstacles. The game gradually becomes more and more complex as the player progresses, and it's easy to slip and fall back to the beginning. All in all, the game tests everything from flexibility, stamina, stealth, intelligence, concentration and so on.

I've played it a lot, and I've restarted it so many times that I've become frustrated with it. I'm tired of it.

What I've learned of the game thus far:
  1. The game is slightly different each time it's played.
  2. The map is typically maze-like (lacks architectural logic).
  3. The map is like a Swiss cheese, full of secrets that are different each time.
  4. There's a huge infrastructure behind the game, hidden behind the secrets.
  5. Even if you progress just a little, it feels as if you've gotten far from the beginning. This causes addiction.

In hindsight, it seems quite similar to modern puzzle games like Portal, The Talos Principle, Antichamber, etc.

Regardless, here I was at pretty much the beginning. A bunch of people just ahead of me, blocking my path. So, waiting for the path to clear out. I think there was someone behind me who asked why I was holding the "Restart" lever on the ceiling. I had simply grabbed something with my left hand, without looking closely at what it is or what it's for. Back when I first started the game, there were no levers anywhere and I hadn't really bothered with the changelog. Anyway, I said: "Oh, is this lever for restarting the game? I'm at the beginning anyway so I might as well pull it." Pulled the lever all the way down .. in fact, descended to the floor while holding onto it. All the other players were like: "WtF NoOoO, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Pulling the lever forced other players to get away from me, isolating me to the beginning of the game. Looked around for a way to exit the game. Being familiar with the types of secrets within the game, I knew there had to be several exits. Found a service elevator.

Edit: A bit of geisting while typing this. Will describe later.

I thought the elevator was meant for personnel only. However, it had a player count on it, and I would be the last one allowed for transportation. As I stepped inside, I noticed that it was a horizontal elevator with semi-transparent vertical instead of walls. Through these, I could see a lot of corridors and rooms with people (saw just humanoid shadows) walking about and working. Even though the moving elevator must've been quite easy to notice, I still tried to lay low in a corner so that I wouldn't be seen so easily. I was surprised that nobody actually cared if I was in the elevator or not, or whether I had actually finished the game or just cheated. To me that didn't seem logical.

The elevator took me to a room that seemed to be the end of the game. There were some windows and through the blinds I could see large fields where players were still struggling. Someone activated the main doors. Out of reflex, I took cover and spawned nr. 4 (typical FPS reaction). However, it was just a couple of players that entered and they were friendly so I dropped the gun (they don't work in dreams anyway XD). In fact, they were a bit surprised that I was this cautious.

Anyway, I had somehow completed the game by giving up.

Dream: Cleaning and renovating

Most of the recent dreams have been about cleaning home and renovating it. Today morning I saw a house where I ventured all the way to the top floor just below the roof. The wooden bars had rotten through. Analyzed them, planning to replace them and rebuild the floor.

Geisting

Not a dream. I had a glass of apple juice + mineral water. A 15 cm tall glass, 6 cm in diameter. There was very little (1 cm of juice on a bottom about 2 cm thick) left in the glass. While moving the glass across the table to put it down, my arm became wet as if I had spilled some. However, judging by how smoothly I moved it, how tall the glass edges were and how quiet the surface of the juice was, I would consider it very difficult to spill it like that. Weird, but ok whatever.

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Rare nightmare

A couple of days ago, I meditated for a moment and visualized a glowing golden field inside and around me. This made me feel better.

Dream: Nightmare

I'm somewhere in a hospital, observing what an old classmate (maybe) was doing. She was analyzing some samples with a fancy-looking instrument. Interesting stuff .. until something happened. Suddenly a field of fear and stress appeared around us. I couldn't determine the source or the cause of this emotion. It grew in intensity very rapidly. I noticed that I was somehow amplifying it, so I flew to the farthest corner of the room (next to some shelves) to keep more distance. The field did not subside. Instead, it reached some a critical level.

Once the critical level was reached, the classmate (I think) morphed into an older lady. Something about this lady was off. Nightmarishly off. She glared at me with a confused look, took a syringe and pushed it through her right temple and out of her left one. Being merely a non-physical entity, this did her no harm but it freaked me out for sure. I was standing in the corner, thinking "WTF, why such a dream .. where does something like this even come from?".

Noticed that there was a faint (barely noticeable) bluish gray tint to everything.

Dream: US tourism with a friend

The previous dream ended abruptly as I woke up. Fell asleep again and experienced a way brighter dream.

Met some sort of a friend in the US and with his car he took me to places. I remember visiting a harbor. I was amazed at the size of it all, and the scenery was just beautiful (sun shining from the side, probably sunset). Everything was really vivid until we reached a nearby diner. He showed me the diner and then he went swimming or something .. with his food floating on the water (typical dream absurdity).

Anyway, it was at least a double-floored Chinese place. The ground floor was the cheapest, with a take-away window. I couldn't figure out how to use the take-away window (money doesn't work right in dreams), so I stepped inside. Saw a colleague walk to the lady at the counter. He was still sleeping and couldn't think straight. The lady shooed him away, thinking he was drunk or something. Then I stepped to the counter and tried to order something. It's a rather difficult task because all the numbers and food dishes constantly keep changing in front of the dreamer. I wanted to order one dish, but ordered another one .. 8 kilos of it or something, I don't know =D. Absurd.

sussch@sussch:~$ make sense


The first dream kept bugging me despite the heavy workday. As a dream, the first dream does not make any sense. Why would a field of fear suddenly just appear without any forewarning (there's always one)?

Visited the toilet, which sparked the bulb of ingenuity. It occurred to me that the first dream would make sense if it wasn't a dream. In that case it would be very similar to dad's OBE ghost stories. If this were the case, then my presence could've freaked out the person performing the medical analysis. The fear could have shifted me away from the realm and manifested as an entity in there. If that's the case then emotions might seem to have very interesting mechanics.

Sorry, I thought it was a dream.

Sunday, August 19, 2018

Wise dude

Had dreams with a lot of symbology this morning. I want to believe that I remember at least most of it.

There was at least one more dream that I can't recall at the moment. Met someone and discussed something in there.

Did something quite out of the ordinary today. I took a warm bath and a cold shower. The bath made me question if I was suicidal, because the weather is still warm as well - overheating imminent. An interesting cleansing ritual.

Dream: Path around a mountain

Not actually from today morning, but from Friday morning.

I was jogging up a mountain. The path spiraled at a slight slope around the mountain. It had been raining heavily and the path was wet. It wasn't slippery even though it looked like it might be.

Noticed a pretty landscape down below, and thought whether or not it would be a good idea to go and enjoy it from down there as well. It was a farm with fields of flowers, all of which were soaked in the slight flood. Regular flowers but what made them special in my eyes was the fact that regardless of the flood they still looked pretty. No, perhaps even more pretty because of the flood. Anyway, the flood made the flowers special.

Right next to me there were stairs leading down to the farm. All the steps were wet and looked slippery.

Another person came up the stairs. I asked if there was another path that led anywhere from the farm. The answer was "No, it's a dead end". Thanked them, and took the detour down to enjoy the flowers from a different perspective as well. Got down quickly, luckily without slipping.

Dream: Cleaning sister's room


Apparently the farm / flowers symbolized sister's home somehow (she's looking for one). Looked around the building, carefully entered her room and observed the mess. Helped another entity to clean it a bit.

Actually, the past weeks I had several dreams where I also cleaned my workplace and my home.

Dream: Visiting some wise dude

Our turn had come, so together with someone (on my left), we stepped up the stairs, passed through a couple of gates to enter a palace of some sort. On the top, there was a small monolith building with a roofed patio. The wise dude was sitting on a chair right next to the building. A typical man in his 40s or so, outgoing, energetic, caring but lax about all sorts of fashions and customs. He was dressed in dark blue (blue jeans, blue T-shirt without anything on it). I guess what made him special from the rest of the people around there was that he always moved with the flow. His energy felt very "fluid". It was customary to shake hands with the wise man, and that alone was believed to be a great blessing for all the times to come.

Out of my ignorance, I did not know the customs. The person on my left had brought me here, whereas I had always been skeptical of everyone that's praised to the high heavens. Regardless, I greeted the wise man with an awkward "Your very highness" and bowing, after which I observed what the person on my left did.

He/she shook hands with the wise man. So did I, with my right hand. The wise man said "you gave me both your hands," probably indicating that I was alone and there really was no other person that had come together with me.

Thanked the dude and went back down the stairs. To me, the wise man did not seem all too special. Perhaps this was because he treated everyone as equals and I did feel as an equal.

Dream: Ritual

After visiting the wise dude, we were expected to join a ritual dance. People formed a circle, and everyone had their designated place in the circle.

Out of my ignorance, I just took a more-or-less random place (no. 3, I guess). It was indicated that I had taken the wrong place (was expected to take place no. 20 or so), but it seemed that it wasn't a big deal anyway. I just had to adapt my energetics a bit to fit into the place that I had picked almost at random.

Once all the people were there, we had to start dancing while moving counter-clockwise around a circle of pillars. Although there was a specific kind of dance that others performed, out of my ignorance I did not know how to dance that. I barely had anyone in front of me to copy, so I just danced whatever and it seemed that it did not really matter that much. Gradually it became better and better anyway.

There were more than 20 pillars, and it seemed that prior to the ritual, people had prayed at each of the pillars to apply a specific feeling to each of them. This formed something like a rotating dharma wheel where for a limited time, each of these fundamental feelings "shone" on the life of the dancer.

For me, the dream ended when I looked more closely at the feelings attached to the pillars. As I looked at one of the pillars, letters appeared on the floor around it. On one of them, there was the name of an old classmate who is currently in Switzerland, I think.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Territory

There has been a recurring symbol in my dreams.

For the past few days, I've been thinking of safe ways to introduce arcane technology to the masses.

In dreams, I've been walking through forbidden territory with open gates and no signs. Or at least, I used to think it was forbidden, whereas it no longer seems to be. However, I often get lost in there, or reach a dead-end. The dead-ends always look the same: closed gates, and just behind the gates there's a prison. Today morning I saw some people working at such a prison. The staff were doing the hard work, shoveling pieces of asphalt and tossing it into the building. In the building, prisoners were throwing it into some containers (seemed a bit easier work).

Edit: Perhaps a bit related:


Dream: 2x Earth

Had a more interesting dream as well. Probably sparked by The Solus Project, has a lot of similarities.

Mankind had reached the technology for interstellar travel (history?) and two civilian fleets flew to a habitable planet. The planet was about 2x as large as Earth, had a very similar environment, except for the stronger gravity, thicker atmosphere and so on.

There seemed to have been an advanced civilization on the planet, judging by the ruins. Some inhabitants appeared seemingly out of nowhere but failed to surprise the humans. The humans were taken into some buildings underground. Among the humans, there was an old lady with long white hair who was psychic. By the time they got underground, she already knew everything about these beings and their problems. She collected most of the info from some kind of crystal / stone devices on the surface. She was on some kind of a mission related to these beings. Also, another fleet was inbound soon.

The inhabitants that took the humans underground, looked like midgets who walked around with large metal wrenches. Compared to humans, they were very strong physically.

Dream: Game of wizardry

Quite random.

A multiplayer game to form teams and explore ancient tombs. Most of the dream was about preparations. People tested out their spells, summoned all sorts of creatures and discussed stuff.

It was sort of customary for the participants of the game to try to frighten other participants with their presence or with their skills. Although it was meant to be a cooperative effort, actually everybody competed against everybody else, trying to collect the most awesome artifacts for themselves.

I observed the tomb from a variety of angles, then popped up in the lobby to tell something important to the participants.

One of the most arrogant guys among the participants looked at me and another dude, and asked: "Is that the firmware you're participating with? You better update it before the game starts." He then looked for something in my memory that would freak me out, and tried to replicate behind my left shoulder. It was a statue of a rather specific pose, which I had supposedly seen somewhere in Italy or something. Although I did feel a bit nervous around these people, it seemed that they respected me enough to hear what I had to say. Also, they were surprised at my composure.

"There is one artifact that is planted and is not supposed to be here, be careful," I said. What I meant was that one of them was like a (computer) virus of sorts. A virtual reality game that was hacked by someone so that it had real consequences or something along those lines.

Edit: The slightly freakish pose is from a levitation clip on youtube. The clip itself is no longer available (at least for me) but I managed to get its thumbnail:

 

Soft supervisor

Something that was nagging me for a while.

I have a student whose thesis I'm supervising. She decided to take a topic that's not very easy and takes a lot of time to get used to. She has a family and a full-time job, so she didn't have enough time to work on the thesis. I told her that's nowhere enough but I lacked the courage to be harsh. She wanted to try and write it anyway, so I tried to shape it to the best that could be done in such a short time. Luckily she requested for a pre-opponent. I picked an old teammate, who basically demolished the thesis and was really pissed at me for sending him such crap. At least this helped me convince the student that she would need at least twice as much work on it to graduate.

By sacrificing myself, I keep sacrificing others as well. If I cared just a little more about my own reputation, it would help others as well. Basically, it's selfish not to be selfish enough.

This realization helped me forgive to my old teammate. It also helped me understand Hyena, who got fed up with me because I failed to realize something this simple. As a consequence of this realization, I had several dreams where I met Hyena and discussed stuff with him. Haven't seen him for years.

Glowing and blinking monk statues

Watched a clickbaity youtube clip on some random haunted dolls and statues. At the end of the clip, there was the story of strange statues at the Pu Xian Buddhist mission.

It was claimed that a strange light entered the statue, after which it glowed and then the statue started blinking its eyes.

Recording videos in there is supposed to be forbidden and honestly I think these videos are crap. Regardless, I'll post a link to one.


What spiked my interest about this case:
  • Newsflash about a monk's body found inside a Buddhist statue (clicky).
  • At some point I listened to Dr. Nida Chenagtsang's description of the rainbow body and how monks gradually transform their physical body into that of light (youtube link below).

The transformation of the physical body into light has been said to take a long time and during the process, the monk is not to be disturbed. So, perhaps they have turned some of them into statues?

Let's assume there were some monks whose bodies had become mummified, with statues built around them. If these monks successfully managed to convert their physical bodies (which then disappeared from inside the statue) into rainbow bodies, they could leave through the statue and perhaps come back at some point. Moreover, as they lack a physical body, they would be "possessing" the statue whenever they returned. Hence the seeming blinking of the eyes.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Secret society

Remember the evening walk throughout the Italian town in the previous post? During the walk, I passed a building. Actually more than one, but this one was different because while it looked like any other building, its energy signature stood out. It felt like a cozy place where random people can get together and freely discuss the paranormal, conspiracy or spiritual matters. Or at least, I heard people discussing something inside, smelled incense and the following thought popped into mind:

What if in the beginning, secret societies were really not much more than just houses or buildings marked in a specific way so that the initiated would recognize them. The initiated could then just knock on the door and join in on discussions on esoteric matters. This would greatly simplify the quest of finding people with similar interests to talk to.

I was curious of whether or not this was something alike what popped into mind but decided to skip it. Nope, not gonna wrap myself into some cult. A plain-looking building with a small window, a door, and a small emerald rose (reminded the rosicrucian depiction of rose) on the upper right of the door.

Anyway, a theory on how secret societies might've started out.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Grandpa dream 2

We finally reached the tests late on Friday evening, for which I had actually gone to Italy in the first place. The tests indicated issues (as expected). Anyway, they said: "We've worked hard throughout the week and we're taking the weekend off, you go ahead and take it off as well". One of their team mentioned a nature reserve in the mountains nearby. He said he loved hiking there, but it's too hot in there during the summer. The way he described the reserve caused me to drool of hiking there sometime in the future.

Oh, and found the best ice cream from a cafeteria right next to my hotel. Perfect taste, and so much fat that it actually resolved the craving for ice cream on a +38 *C day. Found perfect lemonades as well. Expensive but all "bio" without any conservatives nor artificial sweeteners.

Anyway, early Saturday morning I had a relaxing dream where I reached the nature reserve. Woke up and checked Google Maps for a way to the nature reserve and decided to skip it - 1 or 2 trains + 1 or 2 bus trips, totaling to 3-4 hours of traveling. There and back, and it's a whole day .. nope, not this time. Found another (way smaller) nature reserve at half the distance. Also checked the routes to the sea but figured the beaches are all crowded anyway. Nope, gonna work. About 8 hours later, I finished one job. I was happy, but realized that I hadn't eaten anything. Walked around the town for about 3 hours. Back to hotel, and about 2 hours later I had also resolved a mystery that would have probably taken the team 2-3 days of debugging. I was even more happy. This probably impressed the company and they offered me a job. I knew that would happen and I had considered it a couple of years back but found it incompatible with my plans.

At about 3 AM, I had an important dream which I'll describe later.

Anyway, enjoyed travels back to Estonia on Sunday. Bologna airport is nice, got to enjoy a full pizza with my favorite toppings for lunch. I thought I hadn't visited the Brussels airport before. I was wrong - the familiar long straight tube with very few places to eat, all of which are very expensive. On the plane to Tallinn, I took the local newspaper (Saturday issue) for reading. Mildly interesting that my horoscope said: "You've worked hard for the whole week. Take the day off".

The nightly buses are clearly meant to keep passengers from sleeping. Everything about the interior is obviously designed while accounting for a variety of scientific papers on the psychology of exhausted people. Due to it being impossible to sleep there, I practised focusing on my breath while trying to keep my head straight. Got home and managed to sleep for a few hours before work. Decided to heed the advice of the horoscope and work from home, as that allows for 10 - 20 min deep naps after every 2 hours. Enjoyed a 12 hour sleep in the evening =3.

Saturday dream: Grandpa

While walking around, I decided to ponder about the remote possibility of having a family. Decided that if I were to have a family, then the optimum time for that would probably be after graduating, which should happen in about 1 year. That's not far at all. Also, the job that I've taken recently, is perfect for working from home and taking some time off for the family every now and then.

I was on my way visiting my wife at a hospital. It was so early that there was barely anyone there. Walked in the front door and right to my left, grandpa was sitting on a bench. Dressed in rags, he was waiting for someone. I recognized him as an aspect of myself and feeling sorry for him, I asked "Why are you waiting out here, come on inside". He looked up to my right, smiled and stood up (I think she saw my wife).

Analysis

For me, it became clear that grandpa is indeed waiting for my family for reincarnation. So, need to find a wife and form a family at some point.

Previously I've ignored this, but it does make sense: I've taken a body, and it would be very selfish to spend the life without giving someone else the same opportunity. Especially since for being alive, I owe my gratitude to my parents and grandparents, it would be logical for me to contribute the same way.

Monday dream: Cleaning

Spent the night cleaning. Vacuuming the floor of all the dust and random stuff that had gathered throughout the years. Regardless of some problems with the vacuum cleaners, I made good progress.



Thursday, August 2, 2018

Constant sauna

The flight being cancelled wasn't the end of it. Due to this, my flight was routed through Amsterdam. When we landed in Amsterdam, somebody had forgotten their stairs right next to the plane parking lot so that our stairs didn't fit (splat against the wall on the lowest step). After a while they decided to use the rear exit, instead. Everything was nice and all, but luggage got delayed (somehow didn't fit on the plane and got to Bologna with the next flight). It then took 2 days for the luggage to make its 1 hour trip from Bologna to Forli.

Had the feeling that it would arrive the day it actually did. However, still called around with the help of Italian speaking colleagues to get the status of the delivery. Didn't get the status, the recipient always hung up or refrained from picking the phone in the first place.

Once I got the luggage, it was evident that someone had skimmed the content, looking for valuable items. I had none. Just a cheap DSLR, some aluminum tubes for optics, and the invaluable spare clothes. It's so hot in here (merely a few degrees more than in Estonia) that I had to manually wash the clothes each evening. Constant sauna, and each cup of water or juice kick-starts a flood of sweat.

I didn't intend for this post to sound so grumpy. Everything is nice, actually. I've tried to keep the background of my mind focused on humble and pleasant energy patterns. It would be pretty neat to learn how energy patterns from the back of the mind shape the reality.

Sometimes I semi-accidentally ordered something that was difficult to eat fully. Readjusted my taste and hunger to make it possible.

I found it quite difficult to sleep in the sauna, but it seems that I do need less sleep in here. Haven't watched TV, haven't read the news, have been doing work until sleep, and then sleeping until breakfast, after which off to work again.

Seemingly gloomy dreams but experienced them in a neutral manner.

Dream: Nerve gas

Some group of people in a small building in a foreign environment. One of them starts an experiment - cuts open the dead body of some living being. Some sort of gas is spread from the body, which affects everyone indoors. After that, the people changed permanently.

I try winding back time, tricking people to leave the building and what not. I thought I had managed to possess one, and take them to safety, only to discover that I had not. Without a body I had reached some sort of a guarded outpost that simply shot the people coming from the small building. After killing the people who mindlessly ran at them, they started looking for survivors who were unaffected but there was nobody. I was just like a ghost that went unnoticed.

Seems mildly related to some previous zombie dreams that I've seen a lot of years ago. Nothing novel.

Dream: Police psychic

A dream where I have the goal of finding out who's responsible for the murder of a female politician, and why they did it / would do it. I recognized it as a memory of a set of recurring dreams from a long time ago (possibly a designed or planted memory). I had identified the person (an inside job, a lady at the back row of a group photo) and claimed that she was under the influence of drugs. Her mind was consumed by a repetitive phrase like "it's her vibes that make me do it" or something similar.

Other than somebody having turned to me for help, I had no interest in the situation. I was also shown pages covered in a cartoon which illustrated the event based on forensic evidence. Apparently I had had to mark down who thought what, as well as other possibly related notes. It had my name on it (badly written) and I think it said 1956 or something in the footer.

Dunno, a completely random dream, seemingly without any connection to previous dreams.

Dream: Snow

Remembered another dream that I had.

I'm at the summerhouse on Saaremaa, staying outside. It's quite warm, and then suddenly it starts snowing. I lay down and enjoy the snow just as much as I enjoy the warmth.

This is why I carry a jacket with me - one might never know when it starts snowing in Estonia (summer or not). It's lousy skiing weather throughout the year. Though, haven't found a use case for the jacket in Italy yet .. at least during the summer.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Sigh

Dream: Monk


Random dream, except for this one symbol.

Me and Mom walking the streets .. going home. I spot a monk in orange robe sitting in the lotus pose, at my right. With my left hand, I signal Mom that she can go ahead. I stood in front of the monk and took the opportunity to stare into him. He seemed to be a regular monk who had reached bliss but wasn't enlightened yet (there was minor darkness in him). For the rest of the dream (did not last long), the monk was my object of meditation.

Dream: School

Trying to sleep but popped up at a lecture again. Gonna try my very best to ignore it and get some sleep, instead. One of those dreams again (recurring).

The teacher tried everything she could to get me to participate in the class. I started to wonder about it - if she's so serious about it, then it might be important that I participate? Though, it's an arts class and art is very low in my list of priorities.

At some point I decide to at least try and do something mediocre. Nothing too fancy. The teacher says that it's too bad that the class is over. I reply that it doesn't matter, I would finish it after the class. The teacher succeeded as I realized the point of these school dreams. It's not about the form (school), it's about making use of everything that is offered whether it's compulsory or not. In particular, this dream taught me that since I was having a lucid dream anyway, I should utilize creativity instead of just sleeping it off.

Dream: Snake

Random dream, except for a snake that I saw in the corner of an office at work. For some odd reason, Mom was sitting at a desk next to the corner. While at first the snake was taking a nap or something, it started following me from the moment I saw it and warned Mom about it. The snake had a yellow skin and it came at me pretty fast. I turned around and started to move away but the snake bit the cloth of my pants on the left heel. I managed to leave but felt selfish for leaving the snake in the same room with Mom. By the time I returned, Mom had somehow killed it.

Integration

Not a dream. I was a unhappy about my lack of spiritual progress, and concentrated a bit more. Enjoyed the Saturday by writing a test report and listening to the wind outside.

Was nervous again because there are a lot of things I have to do. Flying to Italy again, too (work). Semi-meditated a bit, then took a shallow nap. Got a call that the flight was cancelled.

Perhaps also a bit related. One day I felt tired after lunch, and decided to take a nap at work. Went to the balcony, laid down and started feeling floatiness and a pull out of body right away. Didn't leave the body because I wanted to keep the nap short. I had been waiting for a package and I got the feeling that it arrived (it did). Perfect timing.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Timerant

Right orb


One day while taking a nap with my eyes closed, I saw an orb fly towards me from my right. It flew into my right eyeball and stopped there.

Car


With Mom in the country and itching for a car, we took a trip to the capital yesterday to check a used vehicle or two. A relative gave us very good advice on how to perform background check. We ended up skipping one of the cars. On another car, the ignition lock had just broken. This made me somewhat more paranoid about used cars. Though, a new car still costs a bit too much.

Oh well, so we finished all the other quests on Mom's checklist. Adapted those quests for myself as well. Visited my sister's new apartment. Bought a book on the life of Milarepa from an antique shop (same book that aunt and uncle had read to me when I was a few years old). Mom bought a somewhat rare book on them illuminazis.

Rover photos


Last weekend I retouched some of grandpa's old photos for another one of his books. Removed dust, fingerprints, enhancing contrast and the like.


In the meantime, I browsed rover photos (and apollo photos) and watched some youtube videos that pointed out some specific photos to look at. Recognized traces of sloppy retouching on some of the photos. Also, they missed some of the anomalies which hinted at what might've been concealed by their brush or clone tool. For me this alone is a good enough argument against the conspiracy theory that "Mars rovers never made it any farther than Devon island" or that "Humans never visited the Moon". On Earth they wouldn't need that sloppy brushing.

Nazi saucers

Read on Nazi flying saucers (not UFOs because they're identified flying objects) again and noticed that during the past few years I've managed to digest it a little. Even the conventional saucers used to seem mysterious but now they no longer do. Both the aerodynamics of the designs as well as the way Germans approached it make sense.

https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ufo_aleman/rfz/index.htm

I assume (perhaps out of slight ignorance) that since these designs are more than 70 years old without mass production, the patents should be outdated by now. Also, it's publicly available literature so none of it should anymore be a matter of national security or somesuch.

Would be awesome to build small remote controlled drones to test and experiment with the Fleissner design, for example. Perhaps together with some engineers with experience in model rockets and model airplanes.

Vacation


Sigh. A typical smalltalk from the interns: "So how's your vacation going?" + some giggles. My typical reply: "It's going well, I suppose." They then keep the distance, y'know maybe it's contagious.

No vacation and can't do much about it. I've noticed that I've become addicted to the absence of vacation. Always hoping that a vacation would somehow improve something .. leave more time for meditation, psychokinesis, OBE, perhaps enable hiking in the nature, etc. However, I have never had time for these. Whenever I've done any of the aforementioned things, I've done so at the cost of something else but sacrifices almost never feel good.

With disappointment, self-pity and ignorance (sums it all up), I've sacrificed vacation, holidays, weekends, social events to get work done. It's always "nah, will go there do that later when I have time". It's time to stop lying to myself - I'm not going to go there nor do that, for I don't have the time.

By the looks of it, that's how life is - first it's all school, then all work, then all family, then if one survives all of the former, there's retirement with maybe slightly more free time. However, with retirement there are other responsibilities like visiting the other elders to discuss prostheses as well as to whine about the body. There's probably not much time to work on hobbies after death, either.

Sigh. The long awaited summer is here. Several years have I patiently waited for the summer so that I could enjoy it, only to miss it each time and continue waiting for the next summer. This year is no different. Moreover, it's tedious to work throughout this persistent sauna. Spending time in the nature would be so much more attractive.

At least I got to enjoy about a week of summer (and a week of chilly August) a few years ago. This summer I've managed to have a day or two off (including a couple of weekends when I've skipped work for my über-selfish reasons).

To be honest, I'm a bit puzzled why I'm bitching about any of this in the first place. Whether it's vacation or not, the most remarkable difference is simply that I'm doing a different kind of work (typically physical workout instead of just typing away at the laptop). Due to being a workaholic, I easily overdose with both kinds of work so that they start to feel repugnant. Ok there is also the fact that compared to the countryside the city is a rather nervous place and being at the countryside for at least 2 weeks per year works wonders on health. But that should be possible to achieve with meditation as well. Me imagines the stupidity of me running from one place to another, ever hoping for a sanctuary that's a lie anyway.

I ought to be happy with everything that I have. I've noticed that the less I have, the easier it is to be happy with it.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Jehova Witness

Apparently there won't be much of a vacation anyway. An idle project popped up again, and at the same time, some issues with the project on the other job as well. In addition to the occasional supervision and mentoring on the "third" job, of course :).

On Saturday I went to Tallinn for a family event in Tudulinna. Decided to go (have done so for several years already) because I saw it as another opportunity to practice patience. It's typically somewhat boring, but have to keep smiling and look happy regardless.

An unusual encounter on the bus to Tallinn, though. Occupied my seat with unholy violence (sat on it). Then a Jehova witness sat next to me. She was different from the other witnesses that I've encountered thus far. At first I couldn't even tell she was a Jehova witness because she started chatting about energy, auras and herbs. To be honest, she did look more like an 80 years old witch. The happy kind, you know, dressed in white robes and all. Anyway, she made my day. Obtained a sincere smirk for 15 minutes.

On a more serious note, it was almost possible to discuss things with her. She did not become angry, and it at least seemed as if she listened and thought with me as I asked her about several inconsistencies that I've found in religions. She had actually realized how religions are all about kneeling to false gods (golden cross, a painting of Saint Mary, a church, etc.). However, she missed the fact that her holy bible was just as false a god.

She told me a lot of things which based on her religion come from Satan. She believed that Satan had invented all the theories (basically anything that her holy book did not claim to be true) such as reincarnation, clairvoyance, ghosts, aliens, etc. I asked for clarification about the classification and here's how I came to understand her point of view: everything that is used for selfish purposes, stems from Satan. Since she was of age, I asked her if she had had any grandchildren telling the stories of their past lives. Apparently she had not had such experiences yet. She also had not had out of body experiences nor bilocation experiences. Instead of a rational rationale for her disbelief in reincarnation she leaned on faith.

I told her how science is basically a religion much like hers. People trust and believe well-known scientists (::cough:: gods) without repeating the experiments by themselves. I told her that in my opinion, a real scientist maintains an open mind and keeps challenging the old models that science has developed thus far, for all of them are merely simplified mimicry of natural phenomena that might not even be possible to convert into equations. In my current opinion it is even better this way, it's better that science doesn't attempt to converge with psionics and spirituality. If that were to happen, there would be rather serious consequences, I guess.

Also, people tend to misunderstand the goal of science. Science is not there to prove or disprove anything. Science is there to categorize phenomena and model them so that we could then predict and copy nature based on this knowledge. Although science can attempt to prove that a phenomenon exists, it is unscientific to preach like that. A single distinguishable case is enough to enable categorization (labeling), which is enough to say that this newly labeled event can occur (and has occurred at least once). However, in order to prove that an event is not possible or that it cannot occur, one would have to review all the claims and references throughout human history (and beyond) and prove that all of them were fraud. But even that wouldn't do much more than satisfy one's ego. That is because who is to say that no mistakes were made in the review process, or that the event will never manifest in the future. A single case is enough to prove that something is possible, whereas an infinite number of cases are necessary to prove that something is not possible / cannot happen. Since all the models of science are just simplifications of reality, it would be absurd to claim that such a model proves or disproves anything. We design the models based on reality but the universe couldn't care less about our equations regardless of how powerful and elegant we may imagine our equations to be.

She got the idea but didn't connect the dots. I said that for me the only proof is witnessing something first hand. For her it's enough if pieces of paper claim that something is true. Even though she agreed that the bible was not written by Jesus himself.

She also mentioned that for her a true moment of faith was a precognition event. I asked whether that was from the will of the God or the will of Satan because precognition is barely any different from those other theories that she mentioned. She confirmed that it was the will of the God because only good came out of it. Her precognition helped her to express caring and loving kindness to her mother. In my opinion this could also be the case with any of the theories that she enlisted.

I asked her why her God was so violent. There are good people out in this world. People who are kind and caring towards everyone and everything but perhaps don't put their faith in her holy book. Why would such a god (deliberately lowercased, sorry) select a few chosen ones and try to kill off the rest with a catastrophe? And then do that again several times over. Also, why would god ever battle satan if he created satan in the first place?

When she described the apple tree in the garden of Eden, I asked her what she thought of Adam and Eve tasting the apple. She said that satan (deliberately lowercased, sorry too) had installed it there and it would've been only a matter of time until the curiosity of man got the best of him. We reached an interesting point on this. If Adam and Eve would have been truly as wise and ideal as claimed, then they would not have taken the apple because they would have already known the consequences. Or perhaps the biblical definition of wisdom did not include experience. Adam and Eve probably lacked the experience, and they had to take the apple to experience what satan had to offer, too. Only by having tried both is one able to choose. It seemed that she followed the reasoning here.

In general, she seemed pessimistic. But then again she wasn't. She was happy that things in this world are changing for the better, just perhaps afraid that they would not. She was proud of people doing more good, and she was proud of youngsters being more open and knowledgeable than in the old days. Politics and corporate corruption, however, were the main reasons for her pessimism. The reason why she preached apocalypse. By the way, she had realized that hell is not an actual place but more like the suffering in one's life (state of mind, rather). That I found interesting, too.

Apologized for challenging her beliefs. Everyone's beliefs are a personal matter and are holy regardless of their religion. Enabled adblock and turned down her ads, tho.

Holy crow, unintentional book.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Gypsy dance

Argh .. vacation but work.
Same as it used to be back in preliminary school - they tried to kill with homework.

Anyway, onto topic.

Dream: Journalists

The night before dad's performance I had a dream of some work-related workshop or something, which concluded with a sauna evening. Left the sauna to bring more snacks. There was a large queue of people (fans and journalists) waiting outside. It was not possible for me to leave or return without letting the people in as well.

Edit: I hope it wasn't about the sauna evening that took place today. Anyway, it seems to be related to dad's performance.

Among the people there was a journalist girl with her father. They kept following me no matter where I went.

Taking photos at a dad's performance

At first, he asked me to record the event but I declined because I only have a DSLR which is not fit for recording a continuous 3 hours of video. He got someone else with a camcorder I think.

Anyway, I was late for the event (18:30). It disturbed me that being late did not disturb me. Like: "Is that how little I care about some dad's event that he asked me to pay a visit to?" Regardless, that was me waiting for a bus at 18:50 without worrying about much of anything.

Showed up at the event at 19:15. The hall was full and there were long queues of people waiting to even just get a glimpse at what was going on on the stage. People had come from different corners of the country but had to leave because they couldn't fit in. The event was free of charge, so there was no reasonable way of keeping count of the people that would show up.

Apparently the hall was full already at 12:00. Seriously, 7 hours before?
The situation made me laugh.

At perhaps 20:30 or so, there was a short break and some people left the hall. That's when I waltzed in and sat on the stairs next to an old colleague of dad.

The performance was awesome indeed. Out of the ~650 photos that I took, I think I got a few reasonable ones as well. I was actually surprised. Though, on most of the reasonable photos, there's this model that I've seen on some magazine covers for a few times.

The performance left me cheered for the weekend.

Saturn ringmakers

At the end of dad's performance, I passed him a hint about Norman Bergrun and The Ringmakers of Saturn.


He will most probably find it interesting. At the end of the video, Norman also analyzes some imagery from the Apollo mission. It might be that the popular "fake lunar landings" and "moon hologram" conspiracy theories are not completely off. Augmented reality, perhaps.

The topic with Saturn and its rings reminds me of a dream from last year.

Close-ups of the Apollo images remind me of dreams that seemed to have been designed by some other entities. They almost fooled me but on closer inspection the flaws became obvious.

Pk

Ever since I reached the official start date of vacation, weather turned cold, wet and stormy.

Stared at the balcony door the day before yesterday, yesterday and today. The door was quite responsive to pk, probably because it was wobbling slightly in the drafts of air (the balcony window is not completely shut and has a 1 cm gap). I managed to amplify its wobbling, or direct it to one direction or another. Haven't been able to close the door with pk yet, though.

"The Sacred Riana" videos look pretty cool:

Her Asia Got Talent performances made me giggle, though. Her acting is not very good but it still works because of her persistence.

Dream: Levitation

A regular levitation dream, except for the fact that I tried to float face-down horizontally, just barely above the floor without actually touching the floor. Keeping myself balanced took quite a bit of effort and I only managed to keep it up for a few minutes.

Monday, June 18, 2018

Digestion is no black box

Today I realized something about digestion when I smelled onion in my blood. The onion that I had fried and eaten yesterday. Digestion no longer seems like a magical black box where one can stuff anything in and get energy out. Although I've noticed this before, I never really paid much attention to it. Goes to show just how little kindergarten wisdom I've acquired through all these years.

Grandpa

Random people offering me money for supervising random people. One particular case I had completely forgotten because I had offered supervision so many years ago. The student was so independent that I only saw her twice over the span of a few years.

Grandpa


Met grandpa in dreams. Based on the symbolism, I would guess he's going to reincarnate soon. Some of the symbols:
  • I was chilling working around with a laptop when he showed up. He came up to me, looked at what I was doing and sat quietly.
  • I commended on how youthful and full of energy he was, and offered to go for a walk.
  • Without a word, we walked down the road, past some old houses and buildings. I found it difficult to keep up with him (he walked slow and calm).
  • He never spoke but his mind moulded the surroundings, which spoke a volume.
  • At some moment, I witnessed a man (1st person for some odd reason) and a woman getting a child.
  • Anyway, we continue walking and at some point we get to an old feedwater heater building. While it was still working, the building was gradually being taken down.
  • I stopped to look at the building more closely, as probably did grandpa. It had a military vibe to it, but civilian as well .. a military museum?
  • I looked back at grandpa who was walking in the middle of the road. I stepped off the road because a train of military SUVs were approaching from behind him. The train of SUVs split in two around him, and came down the road.
  • The first SUV on my side of the road also followed me off the road, and almost ran me over. That was not the goal / idea, though. Behind the wheel there was a young man who looked at me with great astonishment. The reason why the SUV followed me was for me to see the man's face and to remember it.
  • No longer saw grandpa after seeing that man.
Rationally this makes sense because the military vibe often lingered around grandpa, due to his childhood trauma. It would make sense for him to reincarnate as an officer or something alike.

We'll see. I wished him the best.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Cookie overflow?

Another test campaign. Spent most of Saturday in the lab. Ate junk food.

In the evening I meditated on the subtle vibrations throughout the body while relaxing. This caused me to feel vertigo and a bit nauseous.

Woke at 1 AM, performed some tests. Felt nauseous and woke up again at 3 AM. Couldn't sleep anymore.

Due to the tests and some TeamViewer bugs, I was forced to use Windows. So I installed a couple of games and started playing. During gaming it doesn't matter much whether the stomach is a bit upset or not. Finished "The Turing Test".

Friday, June 15, 2018

Waves of heat

Today I've had waves of heat propagating up the body whenever I relax.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Minor euphoria


Woke from a wet dream today morning. Not very good, considering the fact that about a month earlier I had had a dry dream with the jing being passed up the spine.

Something was different, though. My body felt oddly relaxed and at peace. Even though the dreams seemed quite realistic, I flew around a lot.

Obviously a sequel to my attempts to levitate and relax yesterday. While going up and down the stairs at work, focused on the feeling of weightlessness. Very little success, except for one step. That step took at least 2x longer than any other, I think. After work I tried to let go of everything, while gently focusing on the internal flame.

Attended the thesis defense of one of my students today morning. Somehow his defense caused me to overflow with happiness that lasted for hours. "Poofed away" to work.

While waiting for the bus, I stood under a tree that kept patting the crown. Occasionally tried focusing on the structured space between the leaves on top of the head.

Had promised to work on an issue but other stuff kept piling up so that I couldn't even get to this issue. While being slightly frustrated, a rolled up poster fell down right next to me. I need to become better at context switching between tasks. Developing fast detachment and sharp concentration (just a split-second to become absorbed in one task, then just a split-second to become absorbed in another, while being in the middle of a noisy crowd) would be of serious help. Work is just overwhelmingly depressive otherwise. Ah, a concentration duration of 13+ hours would be helpful as well.

Due to walking around a lot on this warm day, I had developed quite an odour. Tried my best at focusing on lilac. Actually did feel the faint smell of lilac every now and then, but the results were not that good. At least, not as good as on a random day a few weeks ago when I didn't even try - just everything smelled of flowers no matter what I did or where I went.

Probably thanks to the wet dream clearing up clogged psi, concentration actually helps digestion again.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Introversion

Spent the weekend in Latvia. Some kind of a supervisors and trainees event. 8-hour bus drives. Finished the Buddha's biography. Showed the book to some colleagues, students. One colleague considered it too religious (I found it strange). I showed the rear cover to the student from India because the book had been written by a buddhist community located close to his home.

During the event, each of us had to introduce ourselves and say something personal.

One student said he likes to practice mindfulness meditation. Asked him about it later. He said he uses it for very specific reasons: stress relief, improving productivity, increased happiness, etc. He said "advanced meditators can induce self-hallucinations". I said "advanced meditators can induce hallucinations that become a collective reality". Then discussed some OBE and pk stuff. He left and did not talk to me again. Yup, I came across as a looney but whatever.

Another student said he likes gaming. Asked him about it later. He said he's planning to develop games much like what his brother is doing. He also had a strong interest in manga and anime. I listed the titles of some of my favourite anime, most in japanese. We were both amazed at my memory. It later turned out that almost everyone in his family had tried dowsing. He was quite open-minded about pk stuff.

I said I didn't know what personal I could say about myself. A colleague suggested "conspiracies", so I just highlighted that. On our way back, I found a great conspiracy (thanks to reddit, ofc): http://sentinelkennels.com/Research_Article_V41.html. Basically, back in 2000 John Cadman performed the fluid dynamics and acoustics analysis of the Giza pyramids. Based on some old photos and measurements, he made a replica and it worked as a hydraulic ram pump. However, being a pump was merely the secondary function. It also extracted hydrogen and produced electricity. Amazing. When I saw the underground chamber with the fins, angled holes and so on, I caught a glimpse of what it might've felt like to design and build such things.

Got engaged in a discussion about QLED displays, only to realize that my colleagues (physics PhD students) haven't even heard of quantum dots, and find them sci-fi-like. Also discussed metamaterials with a material physicist (one of the trainees) and found that he had also missed out on most of the wonders of material science.

Tried to share the big find (Giza pump) with others on the bus. However, I doubt anyone has even clicked on the link in the past few days. While on the way back home, I re-realized the encouraging effects of my old mantra: "I'm alone in this universe, and except for myself, there is nobody to understand me." This relieved a lot of tension again, and encouraged me to keep on going. Weather became cold and rainy, though (opposed to the record-hot May).

Was asked to a corporate sauna yesterday. Said "probably not" at first, as I saw it as another opportunity to practice the mantra and humility. The place was awesome, actually. Great respect for the nature there .. very humbling. Suggested a way to approach the task of coming up with a long-term vision for the company. It could be seen in their eyes that they opened up to a whole new way of looking at things. Discussed some future trends as well.

Pre-delivery meeting with the client and prime of a project. The project where I've been alone for about a year. It was idle for some time, now need to work on it again. But also need to work for the company, as well as supervise students .. and this year I need to find time for a vacation. That sweet mantra would allow to improve concentration as well as get through these tough times.