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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Saturday, March 31, 2018

An old dream manifesting?

After reading "Old Path White Clouds" about Buddha's path to overcome ignorance, I took a bus to Tallinn. Watched a movie. Picked "Birdman (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance, 2014)". I was quite surprised. A very strange movie about an old levitating psychokinetic who tried everything he could in order to manifest his dream for the future. To be more precise, he tried everything that he could while maintaining his ignorance. The movie highlighted the depressingly tall cliff of ignorance, and it did it quite well.

At Tallinn. Easter. Was.

Took a nap during the day, and overheard grandpa discussing a letter that he had received. There's an old dairy factory building across their apartment block. For a long time, the factory building has been used as restaurants, bars and office rooms. Now they're planning to build several other apartment blocks and a kids' playground there. I was blown away by the architectural drawing. Why? It all seemed a bit too familiar to the first half of the Flying Lucid dream.

Watched a TV show where young classical music artists battled with skills. I was blown away by their skills. A 17-year-old marimba dude pwned all the others. As his final musical piece, he performed something so abstract that was beyond me. By hanging around with, and listening in on professional music artists I've learned that's what they enjoy - something so abstract and so difficult to pull off that it's just incomprehensible for non-musicians or perhaps it's even incomprehensible for average musicians. I caught myself thinking: "Oh man, there's no way I would be able to even get close to that level of skill if I started playing an instrument." That sparked controversy within me, because I used to believe that if I've been able to learn at least a bit of psychokinesis then there's pretty much nothing that I can't learn. Something snapped, and I remembered that I was mistaken. One does not play an instrument with intellect. Instead, one learns, creates and / or replays the emotion-scape of a song by letting their body live it out. It's being in the moment that matters. Always does.

Cool, a Skype call with Mom. She's travelling around to meet different yoga masters and ask all sorts of questions. I would like to say that I'm jealous but for some reason I'm not.

A few dreams.

At a crossroads

Knew I had to go to Tallinn the next day. I arrived at the bus station but missed the bus. Then I found myself at a train station but I was too early, and the train tracks were rusting away in sea water. Looking at the tracks, I figured that I didn't want to go anyway. The train station morphed into a harbour in the mist. I was too early to go to Saaremaa. Looking at the mist, I figured that I didn't want to go anyway. So I just stood there, observing the superposition of the train station and harbour, feeling a bit sad and lost.

On the way

I was moving through places. Regular roads, until a tiny island emerged in the distance. Very colourful, with a sunrise from behind it. A palm tree emerged, casting cool shadows. Like a round portal on the right side of the road. I think the dream was way longer and contained many similar symbols, just forgot because the next dream held more of a meaning for me.

Building stairway backwards

This one's pretty meta imho.

Me and sister (I think) are in a cylinder-shaped building with a slightly domed ceiling. The walls and ceiling are golden but it's dim so that they don't shine. There's a spiral staircase but it goes to the second floor only. It looks as if it's simply unfinished.

I'm like seeing myself from a 3rd person view or something, floating above myself and my sister. Levitating somewhere higher, I see the stairs from top-down and wonder how it would ever be possible for me to get up there.

The mini-me and sister climb to the end of the stairway, turn around (facing down the stairs) and start building the stairs. They don't notice that they're floating in the air, and that they shouldn't be able to back up the stairs where there are no steps .. just thin air. But for them it's not important, because they take one step at a time and build another one, never paying any attention to how far they are from the floor or how far they are from the ceiling. They are happy with each step. They keep building, until they realize they've bumped against the ceiling .. which is where they wanted to get to, so they are again happy.

The cloud-me: "Wat?"

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Deep stories

The book "Old Path White Clouds: Walking in the Footsteps of the Buddha" by Thich Nhat Hanh and Nguyen Thi Hop is interesting. I must have already said it but it's very easy to read. Thanks to commuting times, I've managed to read about 1/5.

It's strange for me to read it, though, because while for most of the time I can't predict what happens on the next page, it still feels as if I had read the book many times. I definitely have come across excerpts of the biography from the various yoga books that I've read or yoga-related videos that I've watched. But the whole story - nope. Currently the most logical assumption is that uncle and/or aunt may have read it to me when I was less than 6 years old.

Back then I used to sleep in an old barn house, roughly similar to this:

Thank you, Wikimedia Commons for the image.

It had small windows, mostly covered with curtains. The wooden walls and ceiling were all pitch-black, covered in a 1-2 mm layer of soot. Instead of a 220 V mains, our "village" got like 180 V due to a cheap transformer about 2 km up the road. Why cheap? The transformer was struck by lightning and burned empty about twice per year. Anyway, the 180 V mains was split among the buildings, and the power to the old barn house was routed through a long extension cord. Indoors, we had a 60 W incandescent bulb hanging just above a small round table with 4 chairs. Just in case, we also had an oil lamp or a candle on the table.

In the evenings, the youngest aunt and the youngest uncle, me and my sister used to sit around the table, drink tea and enjoy good stories. Each evening, the aunt or uncle read a story or two from one of their books. Sometimes we would discuss a story and ponder over the potential interpretations of its symbolism. The most inspiring stories, for me at least. Sometimes we would spend the evening listening to uncle play the guitar and sing.

While (re-)reading "Old Path White Clouds" now, I see the deep effect that these stories and discussions had on the aunt and uncle but also how it has shaped my psychology and that of my sister. For that, I am exceptionally grateful. "Old Path White Clouds" seems like a perfect compilation of bedtime stories for children, especially good for teaching compassion, humility, ways to deal with loss, etc.

Since then, I've enjoyed evening discussions over philosophical matters with other family members. Those discussions were also why I loved literature classes at school .. err, except for the books on battle gore (why the f were those even in the list of compulsory reading material). Many years later I recognised two books from which they had read the bedtime stories: Mahabharata, The Little Prince, and several other titles which I've forgotten.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Silence to listen for split-second signals

Somehow automatically started gearing up tension within the body again today morning. It's basically squeezing the energy away from the chest, to produce adrenalin and boost performance. Not a healthy habit to have for years on end. Tried my best to override it and regain the calm.

A meeting with a student under my supervision. Noticed the uncomfortable feeling that the student did not really understand whatever it was that I was trying to explain. It's easy to sense but often difficult to do anything about. Tried different methods to explain things, and I think managed to resolve the issue at least partially.

The next meeting, with a data scientist. At some point I felt the same that the student had felt - I felt I had missed the train of thought that the scientist was explaining. I noticed that semi-subconsciously, I telepathically transmitted the feeling to her (a split-second transmission of a focused beam of energy). It might not have been needed but she did describe her thoughts in a different way, which helped me grasp them more quickly.

Musk

Had big plans for the weekend - gonna work on the thesis a lot. Too tired, ended up pretty much sleeping throughout the weekend. Spent a couple of hours writing one sentence, then slept for 2.5 hours. Enjoyed at least 2 h of deep sleep for 3-4 times per day. Oh well.

Also had a good chat about spiritualism, mass psychology, witchcraft with sister in the evening. A few realization moments that must have been worth more than a few more hours of writing.

Mr. Musk


A dream on Saturday morning. Some kind of a classroom, I'm chatting with someone about something spacey. At some point I noticed that Musk walked past the window. Since I had "almost" bumped into him before but hadn't met him personally, so I waved familiarly. He turned around, entered the classroom and sat next to me.

He had entities constantly reminding him of meetings that he would need to attend but all he wanted to do was relax for at least a moment. That's why he had entered the classroom - to claim at least a few minutes of peace, away from his entities.

Casually, asked him a question that I had been wondering about for some time. I could have easily googled it but I never really considered it to be important enough.
  • Me: "Your presentations are always well balanced between technical and non-technical aspects of your projects. Are you more of a technical or non-technical person?"
  • Him: "I always try to balance the two."
Well, dream logic happens. Regardless, he seemed like a nice dude.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Old Path White Clouds

The next book to read while commuting. It has some very good stories, and it's fairly easy to read even though it's a bit .. volmunious.

For the past week or so, I've been sleeping the other way around (head towards the balcony). Thus far it seems to have produced a good effect. Experienced OBE on the weekend. Shifted consciousness, browsed from past to the future, flew around, flexed out of body.

Last night I had a dream where I approached a table covered in all sort of devices that I had built. There was a slight problem - it was all glowing and about to burst into flames. Spent some time on figuring out how to unplug it without getting shocked. The dream ended when I unplugged it, after which I heard the radiator cooling - they switched off the heat distribution on the apartment block. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I didn't unplug the glowing devices. Except for waking up covered in sweat, what else might happen?

Saw quite a few orbs at my left today, all of them a lot fainter than the one in the previous post.

Babylon 5 Season 4 is not as exciting as the previous seasons. It illustrates the ignorance that often accompanies the first excitement about freedom. "Yarr, finally can do all we want - let's war - it's uh, the only option". Oh well.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Radioactive orb

A heapful of time since the last post again. Very busy times again. Beyond the comfort zone in so many different directions at once. On the other hand, there have also been many moments of realization.

A radioactive orb?



One day several weeks ago, I saw a bright white orb again. Thought it was an effect of my eyes, so I looked at it from various angles and also looked away and back again. The orb floated past my left shoulder. Couldn't tell its distance because it was just a point source but I assumed it was in the same room so not more than 20 cm from me. It looked like a miniature welding arc. Exceptionally bright but non-physical. It did not leave a blotch, similar to what looking into the sun would've done. Also, I couldn't see it when looking straight at it, it was only visible in the periphery. Still, by looking past it in one direction, then at it and then past it in the other direction, I saw that it remained in the same spot in space.

Not the first time that I've seen things like this. However, it was the first time that I felt the orb radiating heat. It was as if the sun (or perhaps slightly cooler than the sun) were shining on my left arm, my cheek .. as well as the rest of the face as I looked at it from different angles. That evening I felt sick unlike anything I had felt for months. After some shivers and a bit of sweating, I was completely fine the next morning again. Weird.

Had a symbolic dream one morning, and I think it might've been the same day that I met the orb.

Dream: Threatening bird


Me and a couple of cousins had climbed a tree. I noticed that the tree branches are bending too much under my weight, so I hopped off to avoid damaging the tree. (in reality, that tree has been dead for several years already) A bit sad that I can't play, I decided to walk across the yard. I was not only sad but also enjoyed the bitter-sweet feeling of loss and I was glad that I had at least spared the tree. Cousins jumped down from the tree as well, ran past me and entered a building on the other side of the yard. I decided to go there as well but some kind of a stupid bird decided to come and pester me. It tried to be as scary as possible, to keep me away from there. I didn't understand why someone would try to keep me away from there .. I've lived there several years of my childhood. What is more, this environment is in my mind and nobody is supposed to stop me from wandering safe places within my own mind. Why is some stupid bird trying to boss around. The bird (sparrowhawk, I think) landed on the roof while I was cursing it. The bird just stood there, staring at me silently, looking way more innocent than it before. I threatened the bird with death, and at that moment, some kind of a demon of death manifested behind me. I was startled by my own words, which did not seem like mine .. and woke up.

Edit: While writing this down, I think I realized what the native hostiles in my own mind are about, probably. Especially after watching some Babylon 5 episodes with battles between the vorlons and shadows. It is not me that they're hostile against, because they and I were born with the environment, the same mindscape. I myself have put up the shields and barriers to keep these places safe. What I have failed to take into account is that sometimes I'm mixed with other entities that are not safe to enter these sacred grounds (my own karma is not always my own). That's why my own guards draw their swords against me, and rightfully so. One must let go of everything that does not belong first. Obvious things that I've forgotten in this society. In the old days, the rituals accounted for all that.