Hypnagogic flash of light

Tried visualizing an imaginary gf. It seemed to have worked for a couple of days. The body's healing processes seemed to have sped up quite a bit, and the energy intensity was almost constantly very close to the limits of what I thought I could handle.

Then at some point it stopped working. Eventually I realized my mistake. I suspect that I wasn't capable of visualizing a completely unknown person. The mind probably picked someone who looked or acted the most similar. That's not what I had in mind, so I tried to undo it.

Relaxed, visualized the bond, and then ::blinding flash of light::, and the bond was not there anymore. I wonder if the flash of light was some sort of energy freed from the bond, or maybe I just lost consciousness / fell asleep for a moment and saw a bright hypnagogic image or something? I've experienced this flash of light before but I still haven't figured out what it is exactly.

Something obvious

Realized (insert title) again today.

Instead of crashing into what the gravity is pulling towards, it sometimes makes sense to just orbit it, instead. When too close to the golden veil, this world seems fake and meaningless. It's the same when too close to the veil of darkness. But one doesn't need to bob back and forth between the light and darkness.

I don't think I've explored the realm sideways much as of yet. There's probably a lot still to be learned just by walking the edge of the blade without leaning too much to either side. It should even be possible to gradually lean in one or the other direction ever so slightly, while maintaining full control without falling. The more used to the balance, the more I could probably tilt without losing ground. This should make it possible to use either of the influences, depending on the situation. Pretty much exactly what I had in mind with the monochrome flower or gray-robed wizard avatars / visualizations.

This would easily solve the incompatibility of the spiritual path and the other path(s). This way none of them would be in conflict with each-other and I could freely do what I've always wanted to. Now it seems strange again that something this simple only occurred to me now.

Wind

A couple of nights ago I dreamt I had a 14-hour hike with father. There was a lot of chatting on all sorts of topics (which I don't remember), and eventually we reached the destination and enjoyed a sauna.

It was quite stormy yesterday, and before falling asleep I decided to concentrate on the wind outside. There were some qualities to the wind which I had forgotten, and when I tried to apply these qualities to the body in the chest and throat area, I realized something.

Wind doesn't concern itself with the seriousness of anything. It blows around playfully, enjoying freedom, gently touching things here and there. If water symbolizes emotions, then water doesn't really have a place in the chest. Water ought to be lower. I think I've had a tendency to take the issues of the heart and throat chakras too seriously and that I've gotten too emotional about these.

In one of the dreams last night, I met Alan Watts at a bonfire. I was surprised that he was still alive (stupid, I know). Anyway, shook hands with him and continued my way.

At some point I had a hypnagogic image of intense energy within the body, applying enough pressure on it to produce cracks through which the light radiated out.

Clown

Had been feeling a bit sad about the thoughts of drifting away from the society again.

Today morning I thought the weather was cloudy and all, but the moment I entered the office, there was something shining in there. It looked as if a tiny spot light were hanging from a colleague's desk. I observed it closer and found that a single godray traced through the blinds and met the golden plug of an HDMI cable hanging from the colleague's desk. The corner of the plug then reflected the light onto the floor, as if it were a spot light hanging mid-air.

While on my way to lunch with a colleague, I opened the front door. Just as I did, a really strange guy went past, on a bicycle. The sight was so absurd that it caught me off guard and I must've stared at him with a stupid look on my face or something. I think he had a red costume, a winter hat and ridiculous-looking circular black sunglasses with thick white rims. The moment he passed by, he started laughing.

Regardless of the fact that I had been dead serious, I took a few more steps and couldn't help but laugh as well. The timing was just perfect and the whole situation was so absurd. I guess that made my day, whatever that was. Anyway, me and the colleague laughed about it for some time.

While sometimes the vibration was still there near the root chakra, today I noticed the vibration in some other parts of the body as well. For a few times it appeared at the navel or at the right shoulder. Also, I think I've actually been getting this vibration also at the heart and throat chakras, just that it hasn't usually been very intense nor has it lasted very long.

Root vibration

This is something which has been there on/off for years. Sometimes I've thought it's the phone vibrating because someone's calling me or something. Though, usually when I've checked, there haven't been any unanswered calls. As an alternative, I've thought it's some sort of nerve damage due to which some muscles are vibrating sometimes.

Today things have been somewhat different from the usual. This vibration has appeared and disappeared almost every 10 seconds or so, each time lasting for a few seconds. Moreover, the frequency of the vibration is constant, and surprisingly precise.

As a consequence, it feels like bindu throughout the body are also affected.

Weekend of ego slaps

Today I read something about the astrology foiling all sorts of plans this weekend.

I thought that I would try and use the weekend for getting rid of some old stuff, as well as for being a bit more active on some Discord servers (for I had felt like leaving them in favor of something more productive).

During the weekend, I managed to hurt my ego twice, then I accidentally managed to hurt two people on one of the servers and caused a third to be kicked. While I had thought of applying for the art contest there, the fact that it's a contest and that there's a prize was already quite demotivating for me. Decided to become inactive on the server, instead.

Had been looking forward to chatting with an interesting person, but as it turned out, they had lost one of their parents due to an accident and they had removed their online presence altogether. For me this caused the reality to kick in once more.

Then regarding getting rid of some stuff. Uncle's van got into a small accident. While he did get a replacement car, its battery died.

Sometimes plans end up being rather pointless.

Ecstatic energy

Yesterday I had lunch at a hostel cafeteria. A colleague asked what the daily dish was, whether it was good and if the portion was large enough. I had enjoyed it, and the colleague thought of going to the same place. Today I found out that he had gone to another restaurant. He had even had the same kind of daily dish there, with a reasonable portion. Though, at that restaurant they rarely serve that kind of dishes and usually the portion has been too small for him. I was really confused, for the odds of such a coincidence seemed very unlikely.

Watched a movie via Discord yesterday evening. Tried to watch the stream from my laptop at first, but at some point I became somewhat annoyed by the repetitive sound of someone entering and leaving the channel. While the movie was smooth, my Discord kept me leaving and entering the channel ::facepalm::.

While walking home today, I felt quite a bit of ecstatic energy circulating in the body. I think it has been like 10 years since the last time I experienced something similar. Moreover, it was windy outside today, I could feel the trees around me and the wind was rather responsive.

Grandpa woke

Had a dream today morning where I was chatting with someone, just outside the old barn house. At some point, grandpa woke up, opened the door, said something which I couldn't understand, and walked past us.

I thought he said that he was surprised at how good a sleep he had and how good he felt, considering the circumstances.

Somehow today I've been feeling free. Today the mind was no longer troubled by the constant urge or desire to find a girlfriend nor the sadness and disappointment that I haven't.

White robe

A couple of nights ago I had persistent hypnagogic imagery of a white cloth. At first it had a golden glow to it, which gradually faded away. The less of the glow, the more transparent the cloth became, eventually becoming indistinguishable from the darkness. The cloth was definitely nonphysical, for it had astral qualities. At one hand it reminded me of silk, but it was quite a bit thicker.

Yesterday morning at the office there was a power surge, I think. The UPS was triggered and our equipment seemed to be fine. However, soon after the incident one of the building's main routers started dying. Announced the lack of internet to a remote colleague through a video call, using the same internet connection. Weird how technology works nowadays. It was only after the call that MS Teams recognized that actually there was no internet, and didn't allow me to login anymore.

Apartment cleanup

It has been taking a while, and will probably take some more. I'm glad that mom and sister are patient and cooperative.

In my attempts to raise my HP, I've been battling the issues which I've kept tucked away throughout the years. Sometimes things have gotten quite emotional for me. While most of it doesn't have anything at all to do with her, for some reason, sister has been having precognitive dreams of said battles. I'm glad that the eye medicine has helped to make the eye less sensitive to emotions.

For a couple of times, random people in my dreams asked why the heck I wasn't practising levitation. A bit annoyed, I picked it up for a while. It is helpful / important in raising the HP, too. Not only does it reduce inertia, but it also reduces the friction within the body. This practice has also strengthened the upward flow of psi quite a bit again.

Some days ago I had a typical tummo-related dream where my presence powered some power tools. There have also been crackling noises from the furniture again. Also, one night a blackout occurred right when I opened my eyes. Phone has sometimes behaved strange, and yesterday it shut down during a call with my aunt. I've also been having rather frequent issues with payment terminals at shops. Today I wiped off some dust from the laptop screen and it caused a refresh & redraw of the underlying application window.

Today morning I had a dream where someone was investigating the phenomena of objects moving or floating around randomly in an old barn house. I told them not to worry about it, for it was normal.

I know that the cat enjoys the air humidifier. Recently I witnessed the cat switch it on (by turning the knob). While it was probably accidental (I don't think the cat actually meant to switch it on), it looked cool.

There's something which I've been meaning to post for a while. When I've visited the bathroom, I've sometimes leaned my head against the door. At that spot, there are a lot of bumps in the paint, highlighting the spot. I don't remember there being that many bumps. Perhaps there used to be just a few but that's it.