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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Tired

I don't remember the dreams from last night. Became aware when a random lady on the street asked me to drive her somewhere, using her car. Seemed weird. Lost awareness shortly after again.

Woke tired. Have been feeling tired for the whole day. And since it's a day of meetings, then stress as well. It was cold in the lab and hot in the magnetic field test chamber yesterday. Wouldn't be much of a wonder if I caught cold or something. Immune system had just barely booted up after the flu.

Climbing

An unposted post from yesterday:

Cool ..
Noticed a post in facebook, where iMm0rTa1 liked Insomnium - Daughter Of The Moon. Wondered which one it was and noticed that the same song was playing.

The stomach still doesn't feel quite right. A lot of sleeping today. One of the dreams stood out. I climbed an artificial cliff. I don't know for how long I had already been climbing there, but the fingers were numb, I was tired. There was still quite a distance to cover. Put more effort into it and kept going. Maintained high focus till I was back on the ground .. all muscles sore. That was quite an achievement for me, felt good.

Focusing on hugging and unconditional love helped to resolve the last issues with the stomach.
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A dream from today morning:

After a long hike in the pretty nature of the morning sunrise, I decided to take a photo. Early green grass, early green-leaved trees, morning mist rising from a lake with mirror-clear water surface. Right .. had barely taken anything with me. Camera was missing batteries. Thinking back on it, I just had a T-shirt and pants, shouldn't even had a camera with me. Well, didn't matter much. Looked at the water and made waves with pk. None of those waves looked right, though. It looked as if the water itself didn't move but its reflection did. I haven't learned the essence of water yet, which is also why it looked awkward in the dream.

I had arrived at the destination, so I decided to just fulfil my intention. Stepped into a school building. Right, it's that classroom over there. Entered and took a seat next to PsiKriztjan. The lesson was about to start already and I would've expected to see some more familiar faces (felt a little alienated). Looked around .. none of them looked familiar. Due to my expectations, some people entered, whom I had seen before but a very long time ago. The same happened with the teacher. At first glance, I didn't recognize her. The next time I glanced at her, I noticed that she reminded me a little of our Estonian teacher from the grammar school (red-ish hair). The lesson was on Estonian grammar. Sheets were handed out with some nouns to put into different noun cases or something.

At first, my reaction was the same as with any school or university dream. Panic that I have dozens of different subjects unfinished .. with the deadlines being tomorrow morning. I have barely learned anything. In order to finish all of those classes, I would have to take an extra year at least. And I'm sitting in this boring lecture (with a slight feeling of arrogance towards the teacher) while I should actually be studying something.

I think I somehow managed to avoid falling into that pit again. So I just sat there, observing what was going on around me, half-asleep. At some moment, I found myself sitting at another desk (right next to the window now), staring out of the window when a girl from the next desk pointed at someone outside. Can't remember what was going on there, but it looked pretty absurd. Had been observing it for quite some time already before the girl noticed it.
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Today reminded me of the climbing dream. A lot of focus and effort and great achievement - got 3 different tests done in one day.

Barely ate anything today. Beer soup (really good in case of stomach problems) for breakfast at 9 AM. Next time I drank or ate anything was about 8.30 PM.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Stomach flu

Wow, it's been a while since the last time this happened.

Apparently, this visualization of hugging things from yesterday opened a can of worms. With the psi blockage being released, a flu got loose.

For weeks, there has been a spot of irritated tissue in the left nostril. Pressed on a specific point on the left nostril to resolve the issue. After blowing the nose for a couple of times, the spot disappeared. Though, in the evening, a stomach problem arose. Waited for it to come out for hours. Managed to go back to sleep somehow. A lot of dreams on the miraculous attempt to sleep with the heart racing and feeling like about to puke soon. At night, waves of warmth started propagating in the body.

After a lot of rolling around in the bed, woke up early with all the bones aching.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Free hugs

Listened to binaural while taking a nap and intended on astral travel. The intermediate stages of mind, just before falling asleep were interesting. Different thoughts and interesting perspective on things. The term "powers" or "superpowers" for psychokinesis already is very misleading. "abilities" is also misleading. And yet, in most movies and anime, these are the terms used. Anyway, from this perspective, I've been born on foreign land, because my native language has an accurate term for this. It seemed like my native language can't be written or spoken, because each term is a sensation with all the details. The language is used for communicating directly, via telepathy.

When I gained consciousness again, I had done a lot of work at the laptop, while sitting on the bed. Proud, I stood up and moved around a little. I sort of saw 3 realities at once. Stepped into the second one, where the laptop was still in the backpack since I had last left for the 1st reality and used the laptop in there. Anyway, in the 2nd one, I moved the backpack a little and found that a pillow had fallen on the floor, right next to it. For some reason, I either couldn't move the pillow or just left it there. Faded through the wall into the 3rd reality, where it was dark. The laptop was on the edge of a table, next to a desktop computer. Something was running on both computers simultaneously. When I checked stuff on the laptop, the fans of the desktop computer sped up. Dunno .. doing something strange via remote desktop? Those 3 realities were all that I was aware of, but then it happened that I woke into the 4th. Somehow the 4th felt so much brighter, more colourful and more lovely. Just laid there in bed for some time, enjoying the details of the 4th with the eyes still closed. Let myself slowly gather into the body while enjoying the sunlight, birds and the sky. Stood up and walked around .. the body was amazingly light and performed very well. By the way, the 4th one is this reality.

It used to be effortless. But now I was pretty happy when I found a small region within me radiating light. Tried to maintain clean focus on it. Realized it has been years since I last knew the sensation of hugging something. Used to hug trees, the ground, grass, wind, water .. everything, mentally. Unconditional love and hugging may be gay as in lighthearted and carefree, but it's definitely not homosexual .. it has nothing to do with sex. For some reason, there's a common misconception that love = sex. This sort of discourages a lot of healthy practices. Without stimulation, heart chakra shuts down. With stress and fear, it's pushed even further. Hugging and love stimulates the heart chakra. For me, just visualizing the feeling of hugging something released a lot of pain through the chest and hands. Imagine walking on the street, loving the asphalt, loving the wind, loving the cars speeding past, loving the birds chirping on the trees, loving the trees .. I miss that. I've missed that for years.

A small change in the psi field causes some pretty loud crackling or snapping noises. I guess the bed moved a little while I was in the bed, not moving. The sound of bed legs rubbing against the floor for less than a second. While visualizing hugging a teddy dog, it happened 2 or 3 times that a loud sound appeared from somewhere in the room .. the sound of something plastic exploding or being ripped into shreds.

Yesterday when I had a chat with sister, it seemed as if the heaviest piece of furniture suddenly moved slightly and made a loud snapping sound.

While coming home from the store a couple of days ago, I noticed that the streetlights occasionally changed brightness. What was strange though, they all changed brightness in sync. So far I've usually geisted one or two streetlights at a time.

An amazing anime:
http://kissanime.com/Anime/Toaru-Kagaku-no-Railgun-S
The main character reminds me of Mom.

Something else that I've considered posting here. A few days ago I found myself unhappy with myself because of having forgotten the light switched on at the lab. Enjoyed a part of myself bullying another part of myself. This was also reflected by other people around me. Realized that the reason for all of this is that I'm trying to escape from responsibility. I don't want to be responsible for mistakes. That's not how I used to look at things.

I've been confused between two ideologies again. Which one is right?
  • Focus on the problem to solve it. Once solved, the problem won't be a bother anymore. No problems are solved by ignoring them.
  • Focus on what you want to manifest. Thus, one should not focus on problems. Because by focusing on a problem, one would only cause problems to pile up, resulting in an infinite cycle.
Realized that I've been experimenting with the first one for some time now. However, deep down I don't believe in the first one. So, deep down I've been sort of applying the first one to prove myself right (which is totally absurd).

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Flying over the town

Watched the first three videos from The Tibetan Book of the Dead last night:

Several OBE-ish lucid dreams. A lot of flying around through the town, while trying hard to maintain the sharpness of focus. Kept designing the town from memory as I flew around (providing detail to blurry regions). Changed the shape of consciousness .. made it larger, touched buildings as I took off towards the sky, then smaller again as I landed down on the street.

Eventually the focus dissolved. Forced it back with willpower and got to fly around some more. It still fell apart .. emptiness until the next hypnagogic image. Grabbed it and continued practising focus. It became more vivid.

There was a wooden table with a small circular glass plate. I guess there was some sort of white dust on the table as well .. as if in a workshop or something. I think there was a window to the right. Remembered I had wanted to say my name while in astral / OBE. Before I managed to, however, focus dropped and everything dissolved. Woke up.


Ah, yesterday I tried dowsing (as suggested by MasterWoo). From a presentation last week, I got a symmetrical pen that hangs on a string. Used that as a pendulum. It took a few minutes to acquire a connection and establish the protocol (back and forth for "yes", left and right for "no"). Asked a few work-related questions, followed by a few political questions. For most of these, I already knew the answer from intuition. The session confirmed that. Asked a couple of questions twice, to test against random. It seems dowsing does work for me too :). With some more practice, can perhaps use it to recover a lost password.
  • Work related
    • Is the mission going to be fulfilled successfully? - Yes
    • Are we able to resolve the issue with the magnetic field? - No
  • Politics
    • Will there be a World War III? - No
    • Will Russia invade Estonia again? - No
One of the links that MasterWoo shared on dowsing:
http://www.raymongraceprojects.com/Newsletter.htm

Also, now that I think back on it, it seems that in addition to what the pendulum did, there was actually more info transferred. I recall faint descriptions and reasoning for those answers as well.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Roll, stuff, roll

Focus on breath at the tip of the nose works easy now. Yesterday I focused on various chakras and moved a bunch of psi from abdomen to the top of the head. Started focusing on top of the head again.

Still haven't quite acquired the sensation of a cylindrical object with a spring construct (that MasterWoo uses). Mine is too weak.

Remembered the construct that I used to roll a can a couple of years ago. I imagined a red carpet on the table. As I visualized pulling one end of the carpet, the can would start rolling towards the other. That construct along with a visualization of the can being weightless to the verge of almost levitating.

Realized I've lost all the cans, bought a new one and practised on it a little while it's still full. Barely any movement, but it had a great effect on consciousness.

Went for a walk outside today. Sought for a lonely seat near the channel but all of the places were already occupied. Just stood there, staring at the water, trying to acquire its feeling. Managed to stasis the surface for some time (ripples decreased and surface reflectance increased). I guess about an hour later, suddenly the sensation of the area (a square kilometre) around the point of focus changed. It felt as if the awareness of that place increased. It no longer mattered that it was in the town .. it still felt heavenly. This sensation inspired me, but I couldn't keep up with it, so I left.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Learning languages

On the Latvia visit on Wednesday, realized that I couldn't communicate with bus drivers nor shopkeepers. I knew English but they only knew Latvian and some also knew Russian.

Inspired by the Lucy trailer, I started learning Russian from memory.
At the event, some presentations were in Latvian. Focused on speech pattern recognition and learned some words and language structures.

On my way back, browsed through the list of movies on the bus seat display. The best one seemed to be Gagarin, which was in Russian only. Watched that and learned more Russian. A very inspiring film. I was amazed at the rate of learning.

Although the sun was very warm, I found the wind really cold. The cold might've also been enhanced by lack of sleep and minimal eating. A lot of healing. I was amazed at the accuracy of the internal compass. I could walk in a random direction and once I would start going back, I would end up on the path I came from.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Thank you

Remembered that yesterday I checked my wallet and found 1 €, 2 €, a few 0.20 € coins + a lot of 0.02 € cents. Took a bus to work, which cost 1.2 €. At lunch, I realized I had used it for the bus trip and couldn't order a full meal. Checked the wallet .. 1 €, 2 €, a few 0.20 € coins + a lot of 0.02 € cents. Raised an eyebrow and bought a full meal.

Focus on the breath has remarkably improved empathy and heart chakra. I've been breathing so wrong for the past 2 years, no wonder there were issues with the chest area.

Something in the stomach area has opened up as well. I suspect that MasterWoo has helped to clear the blockage that I had there. Thank you! A lot of psi has been coming through now .. stale psi. Takes some effort to maintain a stable mind.

I have a fern hanging at the left of the computer table. For a couple of months, I've noticed that when I sense a spontaneous psi movement, the fern leaves jump around.

About a week ago one of the blemishes exploded. Visualized clearing it out and closing the wound. The wound was dry and closed in seconds.

About 2 weeks ago I found a scar on my left foot. The origin of that scar left me puzzled.

Interesting dreams again, don't remember much, though. Several times during the day I realized that I had already discussed something with someone .. most probably within a dream. In this world, the info had indeed propagated - the other people at the meeting in the dream had discussed it this morning.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Focus on breath

Last night I realized again that instead of constantly cleaning and healing myself, I would be better off by just focusing on my breathing for some time. Did that and tried to retain focus throughout the night. Had some pretty interesting dreams, but don't remember much. Saw the wallpaper through closed eyelids again.

While on the bus, attempted to wipe a foggy window from the outside with pk. No success, though. It was cold in the lab. After being in the cold for several hours, I found that I was hungry again. On my way home, visited a store for marmalade. Somehow it felt really good and seemed to have improved eye-sight.

For quite a few times has a scratch-off lottery caught my attention at that store. So far I had ignored it, but today I finally bought it. The ticket cost 1 € and won 100 €. Nice .. Thank you, subconscious!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Someone else's sleep paralysis

Took a nap. Had an OBE of sorts. Realized that my cloud of consciousness was at some sort of a store. Although I recognized the dangers of the situation, I continued observing. When I moved, something fell from a shelf. Teleported back to the body but couldn't enter it. The body was still in sleep paralysis. After some struggle to just open the mouth, I decided to leave it at that. Wondered what to do. Just practised shapeshifting the cloud of consciousness. After that, I let the consciousness dissipate (created a construct and let my mind become lost in it - fell asleep). Woke up in my real room in the real body.

Forgot to say my name in astral, as suggested on the psychokinesis forum. Though, not sure if it would've even worked while mixed into the field of consciousness of the person I was observing.

Watched Believe episode 1 with dad. That stress from nowhere again. Tried to relieve it. Something in the room started beeping - the computer?

Inaudible storm

Strange stress from nowhere again.

A dream: Woke up and looked out of the balcony window. All trees were in green leaves already. There was quite a storm outside, judging by how the trees were swaying. However, the storm didn't make a sound. Couldn't hear the wind (or could only barely hear it) indoors.

Another dream: Explored some kind of a dungeon again. Entered through the roof and ventured downwards. There were a few people in the rooms and corridors on the first two floors. Someone entered and poisoned the people there. Winded time back a little and stole something from that someone before he managed to complete their mission. In the dream, that something was symbolized by a large fishing hook. Headed to a small workshop near the building and cut the eye of the hook off so that it would no longer work as intended. Moving around was easy, although that someone had started chasing me. They had a physical body, whereas I didn't - so, I could easily fly from floor to floor, walk through locked doors and so on. Used a lot of that to put some distance between us.

Watched the first episode of the Believe series. I was amazed at the quality. Looks very promising.

Sky was covered in thick clouds and it was raining. Took a short meditative nap during the day. Sky was perfectly clear, sun shining.

Sister invited me and dad to watch a movie on Steve Jobs. Hesitated at first, but decided to still watch it. Stress .. at some moment there was a power surge or something, lamps lit up bright for a moment, everything went dark for a split-second, UPS-es beeped. It seems nothing serious happened.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

What is balance?

In the past few days, I've had a few realization moments. A few moments of weight reduction and a few meditation sessions. A few moments of the mind burning in the body.

Recently I've been having difficulties with stress and tension again. Each night I spend hours on relieving the tension and relaxing the body. Each day tension builds up for no apparent reason.

There's a part of my mind that gets stressed out on anything that annoys it. It would just want to be left at peace. There's another part of the mind that has bullied it a lot during all those years. It enjoys bullying the other part that easily becomes hurt. It's weak .. why is it weak when it doesn't like being hurt. It shouldn't be weak, then. Anyway, both of these parts of the mind are afraid .. just afraid of different things.

Today I started to wonder: "What is balance?" Asked sister and we discussed the subject a little. A little thought experiment:
  • A system of equal and opposing forces could be considered in balance
  • Let's say there's a particle that swings in a potential well, going from one side to the other, passing through the point of balance in between. The symbol of infinity. The system could be considered to be in balance, because the fluctuations average out on a broader scale.
  • The same could be said about a cluster of 2 particles with opposite signs - they balance each-other out. Neither of the particles is in balance, but the system as a whole is in balance.
  • Now, what if we take the typical good vs. bad system. For more fun, let's define good as peace and unconditional love, let's define bad as its opposite. Isn't peace and unconditional love an indication of balanced energy? However, since they're opposites, then between the two opposites there's also a point of balance and moreover, the system itself is in balance because it's a sum of two equal opposites.
This led me to an idea of an infinite fractal system with recursion that doesn't make sense when I try to write it. Never mind.

Haven't seen anything special in the dreams lately.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Cleaning the channels

Yesterday I studied a bit of anatomy and read on sexual tantra from here:
http://www.meditationexpert.com/meditation-techniques/m_sexual_tantra.html

Very good info, although, much of it is a rant on the ignorance of our society.

Couldn't sleep too well last night. Spent most of the night, clearing psi blockages in the body by focusing on the corresponding points on the top of the head. Interesting how through the top of the head, one can access any regions in the body.

A nice manga with good humor and psionics:
http://kissmanga.com/Manga/Ability/001?id=146598

Today I've been listening to binaural beats as an ambient. Noticed that 0.9 Hz made me sleepy pretty quickly. Increased the frequency in my body manually and took the next one from the playlist.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Don't bottle darkness

Focused on the top of the head again yesterday. This quickly led me to headaches localized to the back of the head. Blurred the field of focus a little and fell asleep.

Woke up tired again. Today I've tried not to become drawn to or averted from what pops into mind. Occasionally found my mind fighting an unpleasant image or two that had appeared.

During a lecture, one coworker asked questions and another one asked me to fix a binary log. This increased stress. Paid attention to the process and observed it, while trying to amplify the other half of the coin as well. The result was interesting .. no tension, but the whole body was buzzing of excitement and yet calm at the same time. Some cold psi started moving around in the body. This lasted for about 1.5 hours.

Some more thoughts that I found myself denying in my mind. Hadn't even noticed those patterns before. No wonder stuff has been out of balance.

Suddenly felt almost weightless for a few seconds at a department store. There have also been rushes of cold and warm psi, which I hadn't experienced for a while.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Astral adman

Asked a bunch of questions about yin and yang at the psychokinesis forum. Shut down the laptop, crawled into bed and got the answers telepathically. This is one thing that discourages me from asking questions. I mean, if answers are all there and one only needs to ask, then why not do it in their mind? All the answers come to the mind anyway. Why does it only work when one puts forth effort to ask it in this material world? When 10 questions are like answered in a split-second, then wouldn't they be stupid questions? Because nobody even had to think about them .. all the answers were self-evident anyway.

One dream. I'm walking down a road, completely naked and without any possessions. The weather was just a few degrees above zero, but I didn't feel cold. I was at peace and at balance .. just walking.

At some moment, someone appeared and pointed towards the ditch: "Look, there are carpets, which you can wrap around yourself when you sleep, so that it wouldn't be cold." I looked and carpets had appeared where previously there was just dirt. I thanked the astral entity. When I thanked the entity, they pointed next to the carpets: "Look, there's a small hut over there! You can rest and sleep in there." Indeed, a small hut had appeared from thin air. I thanked the entity and went to check out the hut. Once inside, every corner of the hut grew when I wasn't looking. The entity was showing me all the luxury in there. It gradually grew into a wooden castle of sorts. Would've fit an entire village or something. I asked the entity for a reason, but got a vague answer and then the dream stopped. Not once in the dream did I feel like resting or sleeping, so I simply looked around, thinking that I just might, when the night comes.

The rest 0.4 of the night, I spent at a table with 2 colleagues, discussing the requirements for the next project. A very fruitful discussion. Woke up sleepy.

Tried to maintain focus on yin & yang being in perfect balance throughout the day.

Weird .. somebody just called from the door outside, but nobody was there.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Dream conspiracy

Twice today morning I noticed that I could see the wallpaper with my eyes closed.

Today morning I experienced a fail of celibacy again. A pretty clever dream. I had a birthday. Tables covered in delicious food. Went to bed after that. In the morning, a couple of imposters (disguised as grandparents) started injecting false memories. Even though I managed to prove the memories absurd, I still became confused and started analyzing them. Some uncensored content was packed into these memories.

About a week or two ago, I suddenly realized that all food tastes really good. Potatoes, carrots, meat, milk .. all of these suddenly tasted really sweet. I can't eat chocolate anymore, one little piece of chocolate overflows the taste of sweetness. It seems I also can't eat raw onions anymore .. a few pieces made my head feel as if all sound rumbled inside the skull. I have to admit, I've become addicted to eating. Probably: focusing on enjoying the taste of the food does not improve digestion. It makes the taste of food more enjoyable.

Moreover, food didn't digest. I could just eat lunch and not be able to sleep at night because of the stomach being full. On the other hand, if I didn't eat, eye sight would reduce slightly, blood circulation would slow down and so on..

There's supposed to be 2 polarities of psi, right? Usually when this happens, I feel as if one of the polarities was dominating so that I could no longer feel the other one. I wonder how I could increase the intensity of both polarities simultaneously.

Looked at the clock, it was about 7 PM. I was starting to feel hunger, but thought that if I ate then, I wouldn't be able to sleep again. So, went for a jog before eating. Hopefully it'll digest faster now.

I'm not sure if the mind-trick experiment of radiating more heat actually works or not. Haven't been able to always reproduce the sensation. When I have, it seems to have worked sometimes.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Angry dog

Focused on the stomach, with the intent to digest faster so that I could sleep properly, without rolling around on a full stomach. Eating late is a bad habit. Perhaps I should take up a sport, instead. Anyway, the whole night went into focusing on the stomach. Occasionally I lost consciousness and fell asleep, then woke up again and restored the focus.

One of the colleagues was unhappy because he had all his data on a mirrored drive. One of the drives burned, seriously damaging the graphics card as well as the other drive. He lost all his valuable data. A creepy nightmare of really low probability.

While walking home, I sensed a dog having something against me. Looked in that direction and saw a lady walking two dogs, about 10 meters from me. One of the dogs was just angry at me for no apparent reason. The other dog looked annoyed about the first one "Sigh, there it goes again .." *looks away*
Once the dog reached the proximity of 1.5 meters, it started barking at me.

Browsed through the files on the old laptop, looking for a specific screenshot for a presentation. Eventually found it. The file name was: "Screenshot - 10112013 - 11:11:11 AM.png" On the screenshot, there are a few more 11s. Haven't seen the 11:11 phenomena for a while now.