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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Another lock

While unlocking the lab door, the key only made one turn and refused to move further. I thought: "ok, someone must have only locked it once.." and opened the door. It opened without effort. However, when I went to close the door some time later, it didn't close .. the lock bolt was out. Then the key turned once more without problems and I could fully unlock it. This is the second time this has happened; the first time I thought I had accidentally turned the key too far before pulling it out or something and more-or-less ignored it. Maybe the door would always open with half of the lock bolt out?

Edit: Tried it today .. couldn't open the door with the lock bolt halfway out. Might be phasing..

It was nice and warm outside. Water was frozen in some shadows but there was no wind and sun was shining. Came home without a jacket on.

Tried fourmilabs pk experiments before going to bed. There was a remarkable boost in my score when I relaxed. I made a construct and attached the line on the Bell curve experiment with the time progressbar and it ended up following the progressbar with a randomized wobbling around it.

Practiced some Pranayama and some Trataka by staring the clock again. Went to sleep.

I was sleeping in a dream and suddenly woke up, feeling that I've finally got it. Got what? Who knows. Anyway, I opened my eyes with excitement and it was a really beautiful morning .. sunrise shining through the balcony. There were a piece of paper and a handkerchief on the carpet, I looked at them and they flew across the floor, up to the balcony, rolling on their way there. I became even more excited, grabbed the camera and started recording. Calmed myself down quickly and did it again. This is the first time I've managed to record anything with a camera in my dreams.

Kevin popped up and we went out. It was so early in the morning that the streets were quiet and there were no people on the streets. We played with pk, I levitated some and then Kevin targeted an old rusty bus wreck next to a parking lot. He crossed the street with it and tried to lift it up in the air, but it didn't rise evenly. It crashed down on its nose, breaking in half. I left.

Sun was higher already and there were people moving around. Arrived at a mountain of sand rock. A friend was at the top. I had come down a few days ago and lost my fleece on the way. There were a lot of my old shirts, socks and stuff in the rock, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. Fell off while pulling stuff out. Everyone else was scared .. I just levitated back to the ground.

I think what I got was a specific feeling that might help me on pk and enlightenment practices.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A package

At school, my laptop's touchpad worked strange. It occasionally functioned for a small interval of time and when it did, the pointer looked so frightened that it was shaking around. Turned the laptop on/off, but nothing helped. Went home and there it was working like a charm again.

While at the gym, a "package" popped into my mind that was so strong that it shadowed all my other thoughts. Also, it seemed to have covered the whole floor, it was everywhere. This "package" contained the image, smell and taste of some kind of a diet food. Along with it, there was this awesome feeling of complete relaxation and freedom .. no work, no obligations, just training and then this delicious dish waiting in the kitchen at home (eating it with the light of sun setting through the window). I think it must have been one of the women there. That was the most vivid image, smell, taste and feeling that I've received so far.

I'm glad that my lock was working perfectly again. Took one of the showers again. I had the feeling that the washing gel box is empty and that I should take it from the shower box to my right. I have guessed it correct for countless times already, but I ignore it every time just to confirm it. So, I took the shower to my right and the washing gel box was full there. However, I got the feeling that I should still use the previous shower for washing myself. Yup, this one was beeping and there was no water. 

Monday, March 28, 2011

Tired

Cousin Kevin visited us yesterday. My unmotivating plans for doing school stuff were blown with that. Showed a Shirak's light pulsing video, told stories about my recent experiments and asked if he has been practicing anything interesting recently. He said he didn't practice too often lately .. the last time he did, was on the bus. He cleared his window of water vapor in a half-dream state. Cool.

This time I practiced pranayama with nostrils in reverse - thought it might make a nice difference. Decided to do some schoolstuff and practice pk while sleeping.

First I saw a dream where I made a funny deal with someone suspicious and after that, there were assassins crawling all over the place. I fought them off with pk and ended it by pushing them out of town with a giant force-bubble.

Then I was listening to a thermodynamics lecture for hours. I knew what time it was without looking at any clocks and I was somewhat nervous about going to sleep, because I knew I had to wake up at 6.30 AM and it was already almost 6 AM. So, I left the lecture to get some sleep .. I woke up.

Man was I tired at school. It was quite unbearable and I took psi and pushed it up into the head to relieve the yawning. Heart rate increased, more blood and psi flowed into the head and I started yawning even more, feeling a bit worse at first. Then, at some point it got better, my head felt really dense-packed with psi and I could pay attention well enough. Though, a few minutes later I was falling asleep like that as well.

There was nothing soft to put my head on and to avoid pecking, I leaned it against a wooden cupboard or something. It was hard and made my head hurt. Visualized it becoming soft and bending around my head. It became softer, but it was pulsing hard and soft. With some more focus, I finally managed to retain its softness.

While coming home, I saw a blue bucket wobbling on the street with wind budging it. I practiced rolling it towards me. At first it didn't move much, just bumped into one rock, then another and more or less stayed where it was. A bus or something blocked my view for a sec and when I saw it again, I felt detached from it or something. Anyway, it accelerated and rolled up the edge of the road and right to feet of an old woman. She picked it up and put it aside so that it wouldn't roll so easily anymore. Although I had my camera with me, I forgot to record it.

Ha, nice. Manifested my favorite song again before going to bed. It took me a while to decide which one was my favorite. It was quite instantaneous .. delay of a tenth of a second or even less.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hit the sign

There's one thing that has been slightly bothering me for a while already. For some reason, KPM Music - Dark Intentions video contains a painting of a girl that looks almost exactly (everything except for the length of the face) like the girl I fell in love with some years ago. She neatly said: "I don't want that" when I offered her a valentine card. I'm still thankful that she helped me out of that madness. Searched for that image via similar image matching search engines, but still couldn't find the artist. Went to bed late due to this research.


Woke up at 7 AM today morning, don't know why. Meditated and then enjoyed the morning sun shining through the balcony. The intensity of feeling love towards everything has grown and along with it, empathy has become more intense as well.

Slept for a couple of hours during the day .. to feel fresh for another 12 hours.

Visited a department store with family again. Shortly before departure, a cloud appeared and we ended up walking in a blizzard. It was fun, but I guess my head caught some cold.

At the store, sister was looking for a traveling bag and I was bored. I targeted a hanging sign. It started swinging quite a lot and seemed amazingly responsive. Though, a moment later I realized that there was an air vent right next to the sign that made it wobble. So, I targeted some other signs that I could slightly wobble (with an amplitude of a few cm). When I looked back at the counters, I could occasionally feel the bags and they slightly moved as well.

Felt quite tired at the store again. Everything changed when we were going home again (I no longer felt like having caught a cold). There were a few moments of jolting slightly out of body. Also, walking down stairs felt almost like it would in water, it took some time to drop to the lower steps. Crossing a bridge felt as queer as it recently has.

Started to translate an article on father's abduction.

I've been listening to Buckethead for the whole day and while searching for dad's article, one of the old ufology magazines caught my attention - there was a man with Buckethead's mask on the cover =P.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Lamps and snow and stuff

Inspired by Shirak's street lamp pulsing, I took an attempt to turn on my ceiling lamp with it switched off yesterday evening. Well, it didn't happen yet. 

While staring at the lamp, my mobile phone gave the signal of an empty battery. It's been a while since I last charged it and plugged it in. It said "battery full". I tried it a few more times and it always said its battery was full. Haven't seen this kind of behavior before - although that battery has been working for more than 10 years already, it should still be in good shape (stays full for more than a week).

Observed the street lamps and that particular lamp that I once practiced pulsing on is no longer pulsing. They have fixed it.

It seems that the deeper into subconscious I go, the better I remember my dreams when I wake up. Almost can't remember anything today .. didn't practice self-hypnosis yesterday night.

Ok, this might be a long one. Had a fun day and it's not over yet =P.
Click on Read More or read past the line if interested. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Increasing control

There's an old friend back from military service. When he speaks, he often charges his words with emotions. His words often feel like he is attacking with a blunt weapon and brute strength. I was surprised at how unharmed I was this time. His attacks used to piss me off, but staying in control was effortless now.

Listened to Mayonaka no Orchestra by Aqua Timez with dad and sister yesterday evening. I could feel its effect and it was amplifying. Sister could no longer stand still, I started sweating. Although emotions got amplified a lot and psi density rose, no geisting occurred (nothing even snapped).

It was really pretty outside today. 10*C and a strong warm wind. It felt quite strange indoors when the wind blew outside (I felt the air moving around). While walking, the feeling of ground bending under my feet and wind pushing me forward was stronger than usually.

A while ago I wished to have enough control to focus on something and feel the focus acquire weight. Now I have a new goal - to constantly have that control. This would eventually lead to detachment from my own thoughts =).

Had an interesting dream. I was replaying a sequence of events - a car accident that I had seen earlier. I just had the feeling that I had missed some details and didn't quite understand what had happened because of that. I observed someone. He was in a car with his two brothers. There was a driver whom he knew, but wasn't related to. Something happened, can't remember what, but he saved the lives of the driver and his brothers with pk. Though, the driver and his brothers were angry for what he had done. Suddenly everyone feared that man even though he was a total hero.

What I had missed was that he and I (observing usually grows into oneness pretty quick) actually saw his brothers after the accident. He thought his brothers had gone missing. Even though he thought he saw the reflector of one of his brothers flashing in the dark and thought he heard them, he didn't remember it. Probably because they didn't want to be remembered - they feared him and fled from the scene.

In this dream, I decided to have a similar experience. Though, while waking up, I decided to scratch that. Although I know it would be effective, I don't want to cause any physical harm to the bodies of anyone around me nor to mine. I should be able to do it without the need for such a boost in spiritual progress.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Self-hypnosis

Watched taliesin939939's video on self-hypnosis yesterday evening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXNrt2IXgf0

So, I decided to try it out with a goal that I could put into words well enough. I laid down in bed, relaxed my body and started counting down from 100. I let my awareness fall down and deeper with each number. At each number I stopped and visualized the number as clearly as I could before I moved on. It looked like descending with an elevator that was slightly swaying around on each stop (the number slightly moved around).

At some numbers, stuff snapped around me quite loud and startled me more awake again. When I reached 40 and less, I kept falling asleep and forgetting the reason I was down there. Every now and then either my mind popped clear or I realized I was dreaming again. Though, it really messed up my counting. For counting, I had to go higher and wake up a little again. Also, the deeper I went, the more upward pull I experienced.

At some point, I couldn't count anymore and  found the upward pull too strong to put up with. Started repeating my goal until I had surfaced again. During the first few times I said it in my mind, I felt no resistance to my thoughts. This has happened while being awake as well. It feels like thoughts / feelings propagate out into the void and there's suddenly no echo. There's nothing to bounce these waves back.

It's been quite a while since I last remembered my dreams. I didn't even intend on that, a single thought while watching that self-hypnosis video probably did it. Felt really good in the morning.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Doom 3

Downloaded and played Doom 3 "a little" yesterday. Friends had been recommending it as the scariest game they've played. It had good audio, but I couldn't find anything scary yet. Well, I didn't play it at night, but it looked like a regular FPS. Bunny-hopping around with 1 HP, dodging bullets, shooting cute monsters and such .. reminds me of good old times =D. Practiced guessing crate lock passwords as I did with Fallout 3. Unfortunately, I haven't had much success with it yet.

Focused on the feeling of self while in the half-dream state yesterday night. I lost track of it at night, but regained the feeling in the morning. Woke up early and meditated on the feeling of self, while browsing through old flower pictures in my memory. Some of which had then appeared as visions of sorts. I started to feel something hot flowing up from the back of my throat to the head .. probably Bindu fluid.

Luckily my gym wardrobe lock worked like a charm today =).

Empathy is interesting. I was watching a clip compilation of "Electronic Labyrinth - THX1138 4EB" with Boards of Canada music. I could hear the footsteps of 1138 running in the parking lot. It caught my attention, because there didn't seem to have been any sound from the film except for background music. The feelings that accompanied the clips were pretty strong as well.

Skimmed through a newspaper today morning. There was a picture of a fire that had broken loose. I turned the page when I saw it, because it felt too real. Quite a lot of deaths, anger and sorrow.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Aand action! .. cut!

Have been involved in school business (homework and stuff) more than pk recently.

Stared at a table for about 30 minutes at school yesterday. I felt it moving, though, I couldn't hear the sound of it sliding on the floor. It was probably too slow to be well visible and to make an audible sound. Leaned on the table to take a nap and visualized it becoming soft as a pillow, bending around me. It felt like it had become a bit softer.

Set up stuff for recording can rolling. Well, it took a lot of practicing to get it rolling once or twice (1 h, I guess). Haven't hit the feeling of it being perfectly cylindrical yet - it bounces back on dents. Also, there are now more dents than there previously were, because it has fallen off the table for a few times again. With that feeling, I was able to roll it across the table with ease a month or two ago. I'm planning to get it rolling smoothly again, get it on tape and then work towards rolling it without the help of a fan.

There was an interesting occurrence while watching "Stone Council" with family today. Sister asked: "Why is the audio in Russian when you chose French from the menu?" Dad answered: "It's because she's in Russia." This discussion caused the visualization of a funny situation in my mind and I burst out laughing. Laughing, I walked over to pause it, but before I managed to click on the button, the actress suddenly burst out laughing as well. There didn't seem to have been any reason for her to start laughing.

Made an attempt on that match again. Pushed the intensity of psi flow a lot and overdid it a little - a headache popped up for a couple of times after the practice. Played it on fast forward and noticed that there were spots with more noise (maybe these smoky waves still can be seen on tape?) and either the table, plate or camera were moving around slowly.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Math on river dream

Remembered a dream today morning. A young physics student was giving a math lecture on the river. We were listening to the lecture, looking down from the pedestrian bridge. I found it amazing that he beat the old math lecturers while he wasn't actually good at math. He was in a formal suit, walking around on the water, deriving stuff on blackboards that appeared next to him when he needed them. When the lecture ended, he started sinking and when I shouted: "Walk on water like you did before", he suddenly found the water so deep that he had to start swimming to get to the shore.

This is probably reflections from the movie Rango that sister showed us yesterday evening. I really liked how the lizard designed his own life and manifested it.

Decided to visit my uncle. He was organizing a Christian discussion at his place. I was really surprised when he asked me to reach for a book (slightly hidden). It was a satanic bible by LaVey. Somewhat recently Draspy mentioned satanism on the forum and I think I got his point now. Although it's logical, not bad and all, I would say it's rather impractical. By strictly following what's in the book, I think people would reach a dead-end. Looks like the book contradicts itself, though, so does the "white" bible. It's really difficult to express oneself when everyone has their own definitions for every word.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Tired again

For some known reason, I feel agitated about the way people talk of what's going on in Japan. I think it's because it feels like everyone is mocking me because of work that I haven't done. At the same time, I feel too tired to stand up to these emotions.

Came home and slept the day. Haven't been able to do anything else than reading the forums, watching a couple of videoclips, sleeping and eating. In addition to everything else, I have a lot of homework to do and I've been simply sleeping off all the time I could have used for that. Moreover, I still feel tired and need to sleep more.

I have become too attached to these actually insignificant problems. I should meditate .. when I feel less tired =/. -- Sorry about that --. Meditated some before going to sleep.

Intended on becoming lucid and calming the reactors down in Japan. I felt ready and picked the feeling before I had fallen asleep. A familiar setup laid down before me. I could feel one reactor in my left hand, one in my right hand and others in my body as well. My mind wandered off quite soon (perhaps a few minutes later) and I fell asleep.

I guess that focusing on the spine is too vague. Forgot that I had intended to do that. Focused on the top of my head the next morning just for change. That felt different from how it used to. It was as if I was swimming around in space on my own, my feet barely pushing me forward.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Less resistance

Upgraded the Sussch construct yesterday evening. Went to bed and ended up meditating before I fell asleep.

I had decided to try Stephen LaBerge's method for inducing lucid dreams with the goal of becoming lucid and flying in the dreams. Well, I remember flying, but I didn't become lucid.

I have been feeling more pure recently, it feels like there is less resistance to my manifestations. On the other hand, I've become slightly paranoid of my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Intended on the reactors in Japan cooling down and becoming calm from the inside. This time it felt different from the previous attempts. Also intended on the volcano becoming more peaceful.

Planned to become lucid and renovate my body at night. For some reason, my kidneys have been hurting for the last couple of days (could be eating late, sleeping too little, lack of some minerals, vitamins and a little bit of cold). So, I gave healing a go. Used a different method this time - I took a lot of psi and shot it at the target so that it started glowing in my mind's eye. It was slightly painful, but it looked like it would be efficient. I had only healed my left kidney like this when I fell asleep.


My whole body suddenly started to tingle. The intensity of the psi flow through the body was growing. It was pushing the limits of what I could cope with and I felt being pushed out of my body. I thought: "I'm not going without my body" and reached for it like a little child would for a teddy bear. Intensity degraded.


I can't remember what I heard for the first time .. except for the loud noise of the psi flow through my body. The first experience made me realize that when I focus on the loud noise, I can more-or-less replicate it. That loud white noise sometimes pops out of the background white noise in my head that's a lot more faint. So, I focused on that loud white noise when it came and my body started to tingle again, an average intensity psi flow started going through the body. I heard that familiar sound of snow crunching under someone's feet. A few moments later that experience faded as well.


So, I did it for the third time. I heard chanting and drums, which reminded me of native Indians. With each succeeding attempt, the intensity of the experience had decreased. Focused on the low amplitude white noise and images formed out of that noise so that I fell asleep.


Due to this practicing at night, I was pretty tired the next day.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Gym lock trouble again

Visited the gym today evening again. I had just locked the wardrobe door when I realized that I had forgotten my face towel out. Took the key, inserted it into the padlock and .. it didn't rotate. I thought one of the tumblers had somehow gotten stuck from the inside. When that's the case, then moving the shackle usually makes a "click" sound and the tumbler gets released. This wasn't the case .. the key still didn't rotate inside of the lock.

Verified that the key went in to its full length, tried everything 4-5 times and burst out laughing. What's up with me and the gym locks. First I lost the key, then the next time the padlock was gone. I ordered a new one, it arrived a month later than it was supposed to and now it suddenly no longer works XD. Well, I had my mobile phone, wallet and clothes in that wardrobe and if I couldn't get it open, I would have to run a few kilometers in about 3 degrees Celsius, naked. It sometimes makes me wonder what's up with the sense of humor of my subconscious.

Calmed myself down, went to the sauna and visualized the padlock clicking and opening. Focused on the feeling of knowing that it's going to work when I go back. Went back and it opened .. I was pretty happy and relieved.

I just realized that the spot where the concrete walls make snapping and crackling sounds is the same spot where I dissolve unpleasant thoughts.

Visited the department store with dad. On our way there, I flickered a street lamp, a lamp at the store and turned a street lamp on while passing by. The street lamp was still lit when we came back from the store about 30 minutes later. A little dog sped past dad and started growling at me.

This reminded me of a dog who often guards a house that I walk past while going to the gym. It often barked at me violently when I was in my thoughts, until I visualized patting it once. This time I cleared my mind before approaching the dog. It looked at me with friendly eyes. I then looked away, at a man shoving snow and ice blocks. Maybe my focus had some weight again or something. Anyway the dog slowly turned its head as if it saw something moving towards that man. When it reached the destination, the dog barked at it. When I was a few blocks away from the dog, I tried expanding my awareness to where the dog was .. a dog started barking (I don't know if it was the same one or not, because I could no longer see it).

Half-dream state

Inspired by this lecture: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbiEf7fnggk, I explored the half-dream state yesterday night or something that I've called that way. 

Focused on the noise generated by my mind to get deeper until I felt I was about to start dreaming. Then focused on something else. I saw myself standing next to a pond that was growing towards me. It was completely still and the reflection image in the pond was clear. In the reflection there was the universe. When the outline of the pond had reached my feet, I jumped in. My whole body started tingling and buzzing strongly (had a certain frequency to it and could have been called pulsing). I woke up to remember it for writing down.

Then I let myself fall back into that state. I appeared on the street somewhere, feeling the air, road asphalt. It was dark and street lamps were lighting the road. A dark jeep drove past. I could feel air molecules bumping against the details of the jeep as well as its wheels spinning on the moist asphalt. Woke up to remember it for writing down. When I woke up, I could still feel the tingling of air against the car in my body.

Levitating my body while in a half-dream state seems like a tough challenge though.


Let myself fall into a full dream state.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Japan

Shirak posted on Fukushima nuclear power plant. Visualized the activity of the rods dropping and reactor cooling down before I went to a meeting. I got the feeling that "everything is going to be okay" again. When I came home, I heard it had blown. That's not good, not good at all. Stirred up some emotions, especially when I heard they were using liquid sodium for cooling. Facepalm .. this thing explodes even when there's an airleak (humidity in air + sodium = fire and a lot of heat).

Edit: The cooling system blew. Reactor was undamaged. So, I continued with focusing on peace and calmness on the reactor. It was not sodium. Water steam had gotten so hot that it became hydrogen and mixed with the air outside.

Why does it always happen that I get the feeling that everything is okay when it's actually not? The same has also happened with hurricanes for a few times. I get the feeling that it has slowed down or dissolved when it actually gets worse. I feel slightly guilty about this one, because I believe we could have held it back. Oh well, that's how we learn .. not every attempt is successful on the way.

Other than that, I've been feeling weird again. I feel Bindu fluid moving down the back of the throat, the whole body feels like well oiled again. On my way to the meeting, I thought about my goal of learning to levitate by summer and when I did, there was a sudden vertical jolt. I think I lifted out of body for a split second. I could feel the ground morphing with some steps (reminded me of how Neo caused waves in the ground before flying off). There were some steps, during which I felt no weight on my feet. I've been occasionally leaning out of body recently as well. Like there's someone coming closer, I lean away by reflex, but my body stays there.

Slept for a couple of hours. Visited relatives. We had to eat a lot, discuss on subjects like prostheses, lineage and history. Aand there goes another day..

Meditated on the mantra "Aum mani padme hum.." for I don't know how many times. I visualized the sound of one monk, then 2 and after some time, a whole temple of monks chanting it. Still focused on the voices of these few monks standing from of the rest. I didn't know when to stop and started going through different parts of my body while listening to this chanting. At each part, I spent enough time to feel it's ok to go on. It's an interesting mantra, because it's quite well known and got stuck in my memory from the first time I saw it somewhere.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Kundalini awakening

I've been feeling quite tired and sleeping a lot recently. 


A hot lump of psi formed in the spinal channel today.


Suddenly felt sick while I was busy writing code. Focused on the feeling and something got released. My stomach and chest started to heat up. Still feeling a bit dizzy, I went to meditate. Meditation has been feeling really pleasant lately. It has been a while since I focused on my crown the last time, but now a lot of psi was gathering up there. The density has reached the level again that I can push my head around by feeling the psi move around slightly.
 

There's a strong intensity psi flow up the spine and out of the top of the head now. It reminds me of the fire that I saw in a dream .. which I can't seem to find from all these posts at the moment. Ah, here they are:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2010/03/art-of-breathing.html
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2010/05/meaning-for-couple-of-dreams.html
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2010/12/amrit-oven.html
 

I think it has already been going on for quite a while. It just hasn't been this intense yet. A similar experience:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2011/01/sushumna-flame.html

Started to feel love towards the body.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Cold from the inside

Watched wanderingmaster's video on guided meditation and decided to meditate. It seems like I have lost track of the feeling of my self, which is why I have started to feel more attached to school and stuff.

I've also been feeling cold from the inside again lately. Focused on this cold and asked myself what was the cause of this. I believe it was because I was displeased with how my body reacted to high psi densities. I visualized hugging my body and feeling love and peace towards it. This hollow feeling of being filled with cold started to dissolve slowly. Although weaker, it's still there as I'm writing this .. I'm having difficulties visualizing the feeling of love for some reason.

Watched another video that owltwelve (TheMoonKingdom) had liked on youtube. What is enlightenment? Sadhguru. This is what I was afraid of - losing the body along with enlightenment (the way he defined it). Though, I think we might be able keep our bodies while achieving this. So, becoming more attached again just might be a good thing..

Wind shieldin'

Formed a construct and attempted to reconfigure my subconscious so that these accidents wouldn't happen again. Got to gather the psi, Bindu and practice control again.

It was quite windy when I was walking back home in the evening. Practiced shielding against this opposing force. Also tried to push wind against wind, which had some cool results as well. Air was circling, changing directions around me and pushing against my shields. It felt similar to holding a piece of plywood against the wind (the shield was crude, but simple). Enhancing the aerodynamics of the shield lessened the force that wind applied to it (caused by how I visualized the shield).

I feel I'm becoming more attached with each day again..

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Changes

Psi density around me and inside the body is increasing further. When I tried pk on the match again yesterday night, it felt different after yesterday's realization moment.

Focused on the feeling of being one with the galaxy while walking home again today. The feelings of weightlessness and awareness shifting around have also become stronger. It feels like my crown (sahasrara chakra) has also spread out more and expanded its petals to the galaxy. My head heats up when I focus on the Milky Way.

There have been sudden feelings of heat appearing at random places in the body today. The blurbs of heat were slightly moving around.

Whenever I seem to stumble upon something new to myself, my mind tends to chatter a lot. For most of the time, it's explaining my experience to someone (sounds like that).

I had eaten late and didn't practice pranayama before bed. Meditated on our galaxy before going to sleep again. When I looked at the center of the galaxy, I felt a strong flux of psi applying pressure on me. Decent pressure built up at my 3rd eye. Went to sleep when it had degraded and become barely noticeable.

The whole body was tingling of pleasure. Though, somewhere at 4 AM I had a wet dream and I was totally unprepared for it. When I realized it, about 4/3 of psi and Bindu fluid from my head was gone =/. Although I finally got about 30 minutes or 1 hour of sleep in addition to that 4 hours, I was pretty tired.

Monday, March 7, 2011

That sadness

I was walking to school today morning, thinking about the feeling of detachment. Got the feeling that my experiences have been too shallow. Took a few more steps and lost my ground. I fell over, laptop bag flying up into the air. It did a somersault and crashed onto the ice next to me.

This stirred some emotions in me. Took these emotions, feelings and asked where each one of them came from, why do I feel that way. When I got an answer, I continued the process until I reached that same old root feeling again. My mind was still and the only thing that was on my mind was this feeling of emptiness, sadness and loneliness - a feeling of alienation. Everything feels so fake and I don't feel like I care about anything. Suddenly the school, forum, practicing pk .. all of these seem like little toys again.

When I said a few words to our electronics advisor at lab, I felt surprised at my own calmness and detachment that I felt through him.

I've experienced that aforementioned feeling of sadness and loneliness for so many times. It used to be the feeling that I sensed in almost every building. It was also the reason why I played survival horror games .. in good games the atmosphere reflected this feeling.

Although it was the feeling that I enjoyed, I don't think it's good. It slightly reminds me of someone enjoying cutting themselves. There must be a way to acquire bliss through this detachment. Visualized our galaxy and when I focused on one with its center, it felt good again .. I felt happiness, though, a different one. Anyway, I feel like the only thing that matters now is deep absorptive meditation.

Hm, nope, I think it's more the feeling of departure. Like what Jake must've had before going on his adventure in the Avatar. Laid down and meditated on the galaxy. I started flying around with some other entities / people. Checked back every now and then, feeling a great amount of psi tingling and buzzing through my body. My head became quite warm, also tingling with pleasure just like my hands, chest and legs. I feel reborn, there's a new meaning for my life.

It would be cool to be there every night. That would be awesome.

Noticed the description of one of the music videos that I played for dad and sister.
Loneliness can create both desperation and inspiration. 

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Rising hair

Meditated before going to sleep yesterday night. I noticed that as I moved psi around, my hair slightly rose and moved around on my head. Haven't experienced this before. I intended to go deep with the meditation, but walls, balcony door and table snapped really loud and startled me out of meditation.

While on my way to the gym, I intended on a black cat crossing the road from my right towards my left ( just for the lolz =D ). I visualized it crossing the pedestrian road, coming up to the motorway, carefully looking to its left and then crossing that as well. When I came back a couple of hours later, a cat ran over the motorway and walked across the pedestrian road (it moved from my right towards my left). This happened about 20 meters from where I had visualized a cat. This cat also looked like it was black at first, but when I looked at it a little closer, there were gray spots on the side that was initially facing away from me (the side I saw first, may have been black indeed). I need to practice more before I can have immediate response after drawing a plan on paper (this would be fun to catch on tape). Other than that, I'm pleasantly surprised that it worked and with the accuracy of so many details.

Watched TheShaolinPunk's video on an attempt to build up flames from his hands. It was really cool, I could clearly see these smoky waves of psi building up and moving around. I also noticed some tiny flashes of light in the air, similar to what I've noticed while practicing pk on the match.

I'm starting to feel becoming a bit more detached again. Have been skipping a lot of text in my recent posts on the forum. I just feel it's not needed, even though it seems to relate to other posts there.

Lwr has had some really interesting geisting experiences of objects flying around recently. Hope he posts them in his journal soon.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Morning meditation

Felt tired after waking up in the morning. Not enough sleeptime, I guess. Watched some pk videos, listened to music and went back to bed to sleep for about an hour. It turned out that I wasn't sleepy at all and ended up meditating instead. Soon enough my mind went blank and I started seeing amazingly clear and detailed images of what now seems like random stuff. I know I wasn't dreaming, as I aware of it all for the whole time. It didn't last for an hour though; I wanted to take a snack before leaving.

I can remember the last couple of images. I don't know how it appeared (possibly a faint thought or feeling that was still wandering around in my mind), but it looked blurry at first. When I focused on it and got the feeling of the object, it became really detailed (it was a bunch of green ceramic capacitors in a cardboard and plastic wrapping).

The second one was some piece of software on computer. The same thing .. it was blurry and hazy at first, but acquired fine detail when focused on. It looked like a windows application that had multiple textboxes and some kind of numbers and codes running on them. I guess it was running on Windows XP because of the appearance style.

Love the weather outside. Fluffy clouds are moving across the sky, wind is occasionally blowing snow from snowdrifts and there are puddles everywhere. Practiced stasis on a flag; tried some cloud bursting and cloud forming as well. It has been a while since I last saw these clouds =).

Stared at the radiometer for change. The lamp was flickering and I occasionally saw some kind of shadows forming. I couldn't locate the source of the shadows - it's as if these lumps of psi were totally transparent and yet blocking light at the same time.

Practiced pk on that match again. I was OBE swaying around, moving closer, changing viewing angle, moving back into the body and so on. "Into the fire" started playing again, though, this time I had made a playlist that contains less songs (probability of 1/31, not 1/175 as before). I noticed that this pinching technique had interesting side-effects. While pinching a dense hot-spot with an imaginary hand, space-time wobbling seemed to have increased around that area. The plate looked like it was shifting, lifting, rotating, table bending, windmill and propeller turning as well. It felt pretty intense, but the match still remained its calm =P.

While practicing with the match, I saw these weird shadows again. This time the light source was different and there could have appeared some kind of shadow sources behind me. A theory popped into mind. With bending light, it would be possible to cause shadows without being able to see any object from another angle.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Random mantra

Meditated on a mantra before going to sleep yesterday. I just went with one that popped up and tried to keep listening to it being chanted with the typical low-pitch monk voice. Keeping the voice in constant repetition pulled me deeper and feeling how deep and bottomless the hole was, I stopped and went to bed. While meditating on this mantra, I felt becoming lighter and being lifted.

It has become warm and the first positive degrees appeared. Focused on the feeling of spring while coming home. It was really nice .. and then snow started falling. Enjoyed the snowfall, feeling the wind and snow moving and spiraling around.

Attempted to light that match again in the evening. This time I focused on the feeling of being the head of the match before forming cones stinging it. In the meanwhile, I saw a few orbs (don't know if they could be called like that) or luminous bubbles appear and pop near the target (like 30 - 40 cm away from it). I then visualized pinching the head of the match with a lot of heat (trying to mimic the feeling that I used in heating a thermometer). It didn't light up yet, but I find every attempt inspiring and enlightening in some way, so it doesn't really matter.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Matchlight

While practicing pranayama again yesterday evening, I got a few hot rushes of psi from the root chakra that moved up into the head. It's these really pleasurable feelings of "out of breath" while pumping the stomach that seem to move up into the head. So, it's probably not an out-of-breath feeling at all, it's something else. Similarly to how a few months ago I found that the feeling I had considered as hunger was actually not hunger at all. 

Attempted to light a match again. I decided to record it anyway, to see if the camera catches the waves of psi that I would see around the match. Couldn't light the match yet and there were no waves or smoke-like aura on tape. Well, there was a weird white-out in the video. Also, when I started practicing, "Into the fire" song started playing on KPM Music playlist, youtube.

It felt good to actively practice pk. With focus on the cone construct that I was pointing at the match head, I felt the surrounding space bending around the cone, objects shifting on the table and a lot of smoky waves moving around the match head.

Practiced on the match again in the evening. Tried it with hands again this time. I took the match in my right hand and made a cone from the left hand, focusing its tip on the match (like sergiovandegraaf seems to be doing it on youtube). As I sort of tranced out on it, I started feeling a strong push on the match. Some of the psi from the cone occasionally hit my right hand and caused a strong and penetrating stingy feeling. This misdirected psi looked like an arc that was similar to what they look like in plasma bulbs. Couldn't light it yet, though, the experience in itself is pretty interesting already.

Tried it with just my head again. It heated up, but I had difficulties keeping my mind from wandering off the object. It's late.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Summary of recent days

Had been experiencing slight nausea and headaches recently. Going from intermediate to advanced level with my regular pranayama exercises has probably played a key role in this. That's what I think, because I haven't been practicing pk much lately. Just meditating and regular exercises before going to sleep.

While practicing pranayama yesterday evening, I felt a great surge of hot psi rising up, heating my head. At a lecture today, I felt my whole body becoming really hot.

A couple of evenings ago I felt the taste and smell of mint emanated from my throat. It was similar to how I had experienced the smell of an incense stick forming in my nostrils.

Summoned people in the lab 3 times today. There were some unsuccessful attempts as well, but I enjoyed how it all turned out.

While waiting at a traffic light, I attempted to make icicles fall down from the edge of the roof. It seemed like a good timing, as there were no people walking past the roof at that time. Well, nothing happened at first. Some seconds later a woman walked past the building and a small icicle fell down. It fell about half a meter away from her and it was small enough not to startle her.

Whooh, it feels really hot again and controlling my emotions has become more difficult (again). Got to master it at this level as well. Everything keeps bugging me, inducing the feeling of incapability to be at peace. Also, with this psi-surge, a wisdom tooth has started to press through the gums so that half the head hurts. Neat challenges .. ;)