Inception

Reading the newspapers yesterday increased my stress a little. Although previously I have seen dreams that WWIII won't happen, the situation seems awfully close to it right now.

I guess I was in the half-dream state, debugging or optimizing something about the body when I noticed that someone was coming. I thought I heard the clicking of high heels on the floor. Realized it must be the clock ticking. However, someone uninvited was still coming towards me. I couldn't see them, I couldn't hear them. This induced a slight fear. Then suddenly I dropped unconscious and had a dream with a lot of symbols.

Woke up in sweat when Mom returned home at night. It took me some time to trace back and remember the details in the dream. Not sure I remember all of it. When I went back to sleep, the dream did not continue and no more sweat was produced.

I was walking around with uncle (the youngest one who first taught me meditation). I was happy, sun was shining and nothing could touch my happiness. We arrived at a stream (the river had almost dried up). On this side of the river, two older asian women were washing potatoes for food. On the far side of the stream, there were people in white biohazard suits dropping dead bodies in there.

From there on, we went uphill. On the hillside, the ground looked worn out. There were spots of grass here and there, separated with dark cracks that looked like burn marks or something. Uncle looked very concerned. Arrived on a plateau. Stepped on a piece of glass and broke it. The ground was covered in
broken gas mask parts. However, most of the gas mask parts were made of glass (which are usually made of steel or rubber).

We arrived on uncle's tenting spot. I walked a circle around the place and entered from the side so that I caught someone who was looting around, sneaking in to attack uncle. A siren (creature from mythology), who was very upset because of some sort of issues with Germany. The dream ended.

Not sure if it's from the dream or before that, but there's the symbol of a wooden skull in dark dirt (or ashes) that I also found from my mind.

Also, somewhere between the dreams I saw an image of an art exhibition. There was a large canvas with a large monochrome eye that had a polluted-green waterfall from the pupil.

Now that's a lot of symbols to figure out.

Symbols

Edit: Going to Italy for 3 weeks, starting from tomorrow.

Joined Mark Mauvais' forum a couple of days ago and started posting: http://psychicinvestigation.forumotion.com/

Yesterday and today I have learned a lot. A lot of thanks to whoever taught me.

Practised some pk on Thursday evening. Felt rather tired the next day. Synchronicity and timing led me to the cheapest bus ticket to Tallinn yesterday evening. Took a seat. A Russian girl took a seat on the row in front of me. She had poured _a_lot_ of parfume and called to at least 10 different numbers. Enjoyed the sunset, while trying to acquire the feeling of the ground, the trees, the sky. Read her and found how happy I was with my life. She put a lot of effort into escaping the pretty sunset and blank mind. That's why she called so many people and chatted until the sunset was over. Also, she put a lot of effort into her looks and image because deep down she was feeling very insecure. Very strong fear of people not accepting her. Felt sorry for her.

Had chaotic dreams last night. Probably echoes of a dream that I had on Wednesday or something. However, after waking up and falling asleep for a couple of times, suddenly something changed. Someone observed my chaos and said "Don't!" He then said something which I already know anyway. However, this raised my awareness. Some symbolism followed, about me having taken some candy with me, only to realize that there were even more candy here. In any case, I didn't actually want to eat the candy, I just felt I had to.

Woke up. Read the newspaper while grandpa was listening to the radio. Read an article about symbols and their role in the society. The guy speaking on the radio made an abrupt change in the way he sentenced things, so that he could stuff in the word "symbolism". After that 1 strange sentence, which only made sense to me, he continued his talk normally. Checked the horoscope. "Pay more attention to that dream. Notice the symbols."

=D I rarely read the newspaper but when I do, the horoscope is spot on. While eating supper and listening to a radio show on Estonian native religion, I realized something obvious about how symbols work.

Took a nap. A lot of thoughts and images flew around. Then suddenly everything went blank and a symbol appeared for a split-second. Couldn't make out the symbol but after seeing it, my mind was flooded with dark and gloomy thoughts and images. The way the mind went blank before the symbol, seemed similar to how the RF spectrum goes blank when someone clicks the Push-To-Talk (PTT) button.

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The dream I had on Wednesday:

I don't want to describe it literally, since it would be rather dirty.

Anyway, I guess there was this chaos again - subtle desires out of control. One of them manifested and I found myself out of body in a room that resembled my own. There was a small framed girl sleeping in the bed. Both her body and soul were in the room, though separated. Asked the soul if I could touch the body. She said: "Do whatever you want, just make sure the body won't drop over the edge of the bed." Well, I started leaking at some moment. Put forth a lot of effort to overcome the desires, pop back into my body and stop it. I'm very sorry for being so rude.

Feeling the biofield

Another day of satellite firmware upload till early morning. Woke up early as well. So, felt pretty tired. Managed to get around it with strong focus on work, which allowed me to switch off some of the senses.

Tried to focus past the stress that was produced when some of the initial tests did not seem very promising. Strong focus helped.

A colleague became fascinated by flying a plane (another colleague is a pilot). I'll try to use it as leverage to boost my inspiration and motivation for learning to levitate and fly without a plane.

At home, I tried to meditate, which didn't work out too well. On the other hand, I acquired the sensation of the biofield again. Took a nap while I was deforming the biofield. Despite being tired, I remained more-or-less conscious throughout the nap.


Right, yesterday I watched The Alien Agenda - Simon Parkes, New Horizons 2014:

Thanks to Hyena for sharing it. It really did answer a lot of questions.

Some guy moving chairs and manifesting sand

Played a computer game on Saturday. Saw a small dark shadowy figure floating above the laptop supply adaptor. Looked away and looked back - it was still there.

Stared at a can yesterday. Occasionally took a nap while trying to remain conscious. Saw light on top of my head again.

A psion found this guy on youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbEodrwtRzU (blogger youtube search couldn't find the video)
That's pretty inspiring. The guy looks a bit spooky though. Avoided eye-contact while watching.

A lot of different flashbacks yesterday and today. Some of them seemed rather foreign to my mind in this life (and yet felt familiar from somewhere beyond).

Stressback

Yesterday was a free day from work. Was bored and just slept it off.

Hmm .. workaholicism is back (a 13 hour workday), together with the sensation that something inside me is really afraid of something (panicked is perhaps more accurate). In some of the previous posts, I've called it just stress.

The bee lesson

Pretty fascinated about the Bible of the Undead. Loving all the experiences that the author shared. Also, the tips are good .. although some of them contain highlighted details that are not really important IMHO.

After some straining concentration practice last week and during the weekend, I let my mind free so that it can become unconscious in the dreams.

At work, we sought bugs in a cobweb of math and temporary variables. Paid attention to the subtle feelings about the lines of code, which helped a lot.

Before leaving, another worker switched the lights off. I thought: "Convenient .. don't have to switch them off afterwards." He then switched them back on, looked at me, struggling to remember my name. He then asked me if I'll switch the lights off myself. I agreed. He waved goodbye and left the room. Less than a minute later, the lights switched off on their own. There's a fancy touch-screen control panel for these lights. I suspected there might be some sort of a mode with timeout or something.

Walked towards home with a colleague. Noticed that wind picked up and there were clouds around. Later when it started to rain, I unpacked a raincoat from my backpack and put it on. Right after I had done that, I noticed that there was a bee on the raincoat, right at my heart. It hold on strongly while looking at my face. The rain, the wind didn't affect it. I was already approaching home and found that I was afraid the bee wouldn't fly away before I reached the apartment block. So I stopped near some trees and bushes and looked at what the bee had in mind. Now that I had stopped moving, it started climbing around, drinking water droplets. Realized that deep down, I had a little bit of fear and hatred for this little creature. That's where some dark thoughts emerged. Practised forgiving myself, practised feeling unconditional love towards the bee as it moved towards my right hand. Something changed in the flow of psi on the hand. Suddenly I became attuned to the bee and I experienced a spontaneous telepathic message: "Fly away". The bee turned around and flew away. Realized the reason for the bee and I cheered up. I wondered if my previous experiences with the butterflies had been for the same reason - and I had just ignored it arrogantly.

Continued on my way home and saw mother and sister open the external door. They had come from the shop. Nice timing.

Guru yoga

For a few times now, I've managed to remain conscious through-out my naps.

Today my mind suddenly went blank and I recognized the guru in me. Started practising guru yoga (visualizing myself as the guru and maintaining focus on it). While at it, I had several flashbacks of meditating on the snow somewhere in the mountains.

Lucy

was really good, way better than I had expected. A lot of hollywood, but the core idea was represented very well, in my opinion.

A lot of synchronicity, too. Met Agnes there. After the movie, I preached to them about how pk is very real.

The giver is also gonna be in the cinema soon. The book was Kevin's favourite and I also enjoyed it a lot.

While on my way back, I met Kristaps, to whom I had mentioned at work that I would watch Lucy today.

Afraid of mediumship

A clone of my post on iMm0rTa1's blog:

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That's one of my fears. Found it just yesterday. I'm afraid of mediumship.
When I really enjoy doing something (and doing it well), I can often tell that it's not me doing it. It's someone else doing it through me. So, somewhat subconsciously I'm afraid of doing well and enjoying it - I become alienated by myself (can't recognize myself).

Although in theory I have accepted the ideology of sharing one body with a whole bunch of people, I haven't fully accepted it.

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Two nights ago, I leaked psi again. Last night I saw someone in the dream, whom I hadn't seen before.

Yesterday I felt someone non-physical move into my body from my left.

Anyway, about this mediumship. I guess I understand why the (_the_, because she's the only one I've had the chance to meet) medium girl from India was afraid of channelling. I am too, I didn't even realize that before.

A couple of days ago, father shared this:
http://earthweareone.com/what-a-shaman-sees-in-a-mental-hospital/

Noting the senses

Something changed yesterday. After waking up, my music taste had changed and I felt somewhat happy for no apparent reason. I'll try to use it for observing my habits and altering them. Thanks to whoever might've helped.

Also thanks to owltwelve for posting these videos again:

(Couldn't insert "Penetrate the Object / Arising & Passing" by @KennethFolk of kennethfolk.com as a video)

(Couldn't insert  "The Difference Between Concentration and Insight Meditation" by @KennethFolk of kennethfolk.com as a video)

Had already forgotten about these methods. Tried the noting of the senses. Already the first couple of seconds woke me up. So simple and yet so effective.

Chirp-scrying

Today morning I heard grandma (she's on Saaremaa) whispering something. It sounded as if she wasn't whispering to me, she was trying not to wake me while chatting with someone else. She did mention my name and sister's. Couldn't make out anything else, though. Found it interesting, how the sound was produced by the birds chirping outside. Seems a bit similar to wind scrying.

In one of the dreams, I was at home, trying to use tap water for something. There was a strange tap - thought father had replaced the previous one or something. When I opened the tap, it didn't close anymore. Couldn't leave it open like that, because we wouldn't be able to afford it. I put some effort into figuring out a way to close it. Found a work-around. Then father came in, opened the tap and also couldn't close it. Explained the work-around to him as well.

When I woke up, I recognized the symbolism again (non-closeable water tap is probably an energy leak). Not sure if it was a good idea to learn to close the tap or not. Perhaps should have overcome the desire to do that? Let's see what happens.

New methods

Here's what I've tried (just did without any planning) recently. As I come home from work, I walk past a beach. For the past 3 or 4 days, I've bought ice cream, eaten it, then sat down between some random trees and practised concentration in the full lotus pose. It has not occurred to me before that I could integrate something this simple into my daily schedule. However, since I often have a random schedule anyway, so nobody would even notice that I'm away. The same with myself - it's on the way home and I don't mind spending 30 minutes there. Also, it inspires other people at the beach to put more attention on their spiritual development as well.

Today I found another useful habit. As I was walking to the meeting-spot for transport to work, I tried to keep my mind focused on the crown. Each time I found it had drifted away to random thoughts or emotions, I thought to myself: "How strong is your will to learn to fly? Show me the strength of your will by focusing it all (pure focus, without any emotions, desires or intentions - not even levitation) on the crown right now." This motivated me to practice concentration while on my way.

On my way back home, I practised concentration at the beach again. Thanks to the self-motivation method, I had managed to improve the quality of concentration remarkably. Saw light at the crown. Focusing on it made me feel dizzy and eventually a bit sick, so I stopped. It took me a minute to gather the senses again.

About a week ago my heart chakra was rather open. Now I've developed some tension again, which somewhat blocks the flow of psi.

A few days ago I had issues with doors. Found the apartment door at home open. At work I had to show the key card like 5 times before the lab door opened. Then a corridor door locked me in, apparently for no reason. Also had to attempt to open an office door 3 times before I could open it. Haven't had such issues before nor after that day.

Cow with an aching stomach

A lot of chat with sister. Saw into her yesterday (empathy, telepathy). Finally understood one of the ideas behind her business plans and found it ingenious.

Had an interesting dream last night:

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I was near the summerhouse with a friend. Not sure what we were doing there, but I remember that we were in a happy mood. Then one of the cows from the pasture started moaning with a really depressive sound. Didn't know what to do or what was wrong. Started walking towards the cow.

Another cow came back from the pasture. This cow was special because it could speak to humans and worked as a link between the cows and humans. It told us that the cow had an aching stomach and that he/she/it would take an apple for the cow with stomach problems.

My logic contradicted with that. The apple was half-ripe and it was from a sweet apple tree. To me it seemed that this would only cause gas and would make stomach problems worse. However, I also remembered that previously I have ignored what was suggested by the cow and acted from logic. My logic has usually made matters worse. The thing is that these cows would step aside if I were to do something myself. They were there for the default operations as well as for providing me with info.

So, I said to the cow: "sure, go ahead." The cow ran back to the herd. Cow moaning stopped. The cow who could speak to humans, shouted some parameter values (acronymes and mysterious units). Someone else shouted back: "Good job! That's well within the norms."

I was amazed and yet it seemed logical that cows can solve their own problems the best. My logic doesn't have to apply there.

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I suspect that for me, a cow symbolizes a being from the non-physical planes. The cow who could speak to humans probably symbolized a translation layer between the physical and non-physical planes.

A lot of chat with sister again.

Edit: Remembered that at night I heard dad cough in his room (next to mine). Uhm .. and in the morning I realized that he was still on Saaremaa. Either I was still half-dreaming or dad was also sleep-teleporting.