Crappy dreams

Was at home, trying to fix something next to the door. Mom was home, which made me suspicious. Apparently, she was different .. and feeling uneasy. The apartment was different as well, and those sloppy fake memories couldn't patch it.

In one of these boring dreams, I piled up my courage and told to the "friends" next to me, whom I knew belonged to the system: "These dreams change in such a weird way that they're rather difficult to adapt to."

One of the friends expressed that he felt rather sloppy and uncomfortable. I told him: "because you're in a completely different body, compared to the previous dream." It looked as if he was in a body that had been designed to replicate the physical body I'm using to write this .. the artwork was rather sloppy, though. At the end of the dream, one of them said "remember .. nothing actually changed." Me: "Yeah yeah, sure" .. left.

Another dream. Suddenly I was somewhere outdoors, on green grass, looking for screws in all those boxes. Had to fix something, but couldn't find proper screws anywhere. All of the screws were too long. Noticed how unstable either the object or my fastening was .. after trying a screw, there was merely a scratch on the wooden object. The object couldn't even remember its own shape and kept changing.

Heard a signal through the dream. As if the phone had rung for only a split-second.  Recognized it right away. Woke up and found that I had forgotten to set the alarm last night. Thanks a lot to the one who sent the signal.
--------------------------------
These dreams have that same old pattern, even though it's a long time since I first saw them. A gloomy environment and being bullied or played with. Whenever I would indicate that I've figured it out, the dream would be changed and memory wiped out again. As if just to fill in the time till wake-up. None of this looks like my own creation nor playback of my own memories. What's up with these dreams.. who designs them and why are they doing it so poorly?

Mind-visit Pärnu

Cool . . thought "I wonder how sister is doing" and saw Pärnu, while opening the fridge door. Amazingly vivid experience of the cloudy sky, streaks of sunlight occasionally touching the rooftops, humid air with the smell of the sea; it was raining somewhere near the town. The experience neatly fit into a split-second. This I knew was real.

Some flashbacks as well, from different times when I've experienced a similar weather, similar emotions and so on.

Felt pretty floaty, too. While washing a cup, suddenly the hand + cup felt weightless and stuff alike.

Drop of water

----------- Yesterday ----------- 
Yesterday's anniversary of old classmates went rather smooth and calm. Took a 1.5 hour hike there, via random routes. Arrived quite precisely in time.

Remembered that while on the way, I walked past a young limping man. He looked at my feet .. thought I heard him weep, after I had speed-walked past him. Sad.

Found the party discussions slightly boring .. who has how many kids, who studies what, works where, etc.

There was a dog there. Took me a while to figure out that it wanted to visit the other dog in the neighbourhood. Telepathically told that I'm just a guest and can't do that. The dog then crawled under the floor of its house.

----------- Today -----------
Dreams have become boring again recently..

Took a nap today. Breathed into the central channel, until it started producing heat again. Focused on it and saw light. Red at first, then orange, yellow and finally yellowish-white.

OBE's in a lush green forest, then found myself flying over a river between 2 islands (fully covered in green trees). A water droplet fell onto the right eyelid of the body, which startled me back into body and woke me up. Water from thin air..

Food fail

Feeling a bit floaty and warping again.

At some moment, I realized I hadn't eaten for a while. Body felt rather weak. Still, that chicken did not look like anything I would want. Had to eat something. Failed at extracting meat, instead, a lot of oil splashed on my pants. Stood up to wash the hand. A fork jumped out of the spoon stand. Mostly kissel + kefir with a cheese sandwich, then.

Light flickers, too.

And while feeling down recently, there has been thunder and lightning. I guess I might have succeeded in shielding the antennas (apparently, nobody went there to disconnect them). Suddenly felt a relief of tension and a calmness. Just lost an UPS.

Breathing into the central channel has become easier again. Sat on the floor, cross-legged, while watching Naruto with Dad. Sitting there felt pretty pleasurable, with the flame warming up heart, hands, throat, crown. Though, as soon as I moved or spoke, the pleasure dissolved again.

Have been seeing white orbs fly around.

Somehow, the sushumna flame seems to be perpendicular to ground, even if I lay down in bed. I don't think this has always been the case, though .. or I don't know .. for some reason, I found it strange.

Old guru in a shed

Owltwelve shared this video clip on the forum:

Tried a lot of stuff on the central channel yesterday. Got the fire going for a couple of times, but it "went out" pretty quickly. It used to be easier, about a year ago. Somehow found this breathing into the central channel a bit more difficult also. One moment I find it easy, then some seconds later I can't find the way there anymore.

One dream: 
woke up, looked over to the balcony and saw a calm bird there, flying without moving around. It looked as if it were building a nest right above the balcony door. I knew the balcony windows were all closed, but for this bird, those windows did not matter. Nor did it care about being disturbed by me.

Another one: 
went for a stroll towards the town. Wanted to find a place to just meditate and "be". It was still a bit dark. Walked past the channel and noticed that there was someone swimming this early in the morning. Found it strange that water had come to the shore, where she came out. Also, while she was still in the water, she swam as if it was deep, although I knew that water was supposed to be shallow there. As if there had been a flood, but only where she was at.

Walked past there. Saw a group of teens to my right, around a fence to an old pump building. Thought they were practising parkour. Wished for them to be careful, as a more-or-less well-known local parkour guy had broken their knee at the pump building there. Right when I had wished that, someone in their group said it.

Continued walking .. crossed the pedestrian bridge. It was still dark. Found myself at a familiar place slightly up-hill. It was an old shed, to which I entered through the attic. I guess there were stairs that led up there. Thought I had found the perfect place to just meditate and be alone before I noticed somebody move on the other side of the attic. Went and took a look.

Recognized an old guru. Realized I had actually even visited him before, just had forgotten about it. The previous time I had understood him, or at least acted as if I did. This time I thought he wanted me to take a seat next to his bed. I did not want to bother anyone, and was even unsure this was what he had meant. He taught me a few words of his language, which I knew I wouldn't remember anyway.

He then showed me his water bowl and said to fill it with water, until he finishes with his *some crazy word I did not understand*. At first I thought it was already full, but when I looked at it carefully, I did indeed see that it was empty. Asked if there was water in the building, he said there wasn't.

The last time I remember seeing him he had me bring tea. This time it seemed he had tea, but no water.

Went outside, feeling lucky. Just started walking at first. Happened to walk past a tea shop, though, it wasn't tea that he wanted. Thought I might find some water in the old town square, as there used to be a well there (covered in concrete now). Decided to take a "shortcut" and fly straight to the destination. It felt amazing, though, as I did so, the dream started to fade away and it seemed like cheating anyway. Landed somewhere and continued walking. Noticed that the bowl was half-full already, even though I hadn't found any water yet. Decided to continue .. wanted to find some real and fresh water for him, for I respected him.

Walked through an old, partly collapsed building. The closer I got to the town square, the more destroyed and abandoned all the buildings looked .. and the less probable it became that I would find water anywhere. The bowl was almost full.

The dream ended. Thunder and rain outside. Not sure if anyone has disconnected the antennas yet. Yesterday they did not. Though, that's supposed to be none of my concern, anyway.

Silence and detachment

There has been a lot of tension for the last few days. Several times have I sensed ego desiring to attack or protect itself against non-existant threats.

This media and publicity thing taught me something I had long forgotten.

Used to be a guy who rarely spoke and didn't engage myself in conversations that seemed unimportant.

Info should be public, but it's worth nothing to just have the place littered with blab. In turn, this also helps to keep the mind cleaner.

On another note, I find it difficult to keep the pace with this society. I'll detach, step aside and let it play its own games.

Bright

Meditated some. Some problems arose in the mind. As I focused in on them, it became darker. Thought "Nah," and let go of them. It became brighter. The brighter it became, the less associated I felt with the body. Opened the eyes and saw everything gradually become really bright, still saw through the eyes, but sensed it from out of body .. witnessed myself meditating, while conscious of observing myself meditating at the same time. The density of psi also increased to a pretty tangible level.

To her surprise, Mom found a lot of people celebrating midsummer day in Spain. She took photos, some of which contained a lot of orbs.

The ego of media

Something new for me, work related. It seems that in many of the journals, the published scientific articles must be exclusive (that is, the contents must be new and original, just for this journal only) and that this also holds for several newspapers and popular media.

This means that information must be kept secret until it appears in an article or a newsflash, even if there's nothing confidential about the projects. This inhibits the flow of information, especially if it takes a year or more to get all those articles written and published. At current times, it is important for people to get information fast and uncensored. Thus, eventually a crack of distrust appears between the people and institutions. You know .. what's actually going on in there? Are they really using our "donations" or taxes for a good cause? Haven't heard anything from them for years.. etc..

Dream: Magic in Spain

Couldn't sleep very well. This unbearable feeling of pleasure rising up from the feet kept waking me up every now and then.

A swallow had made its way into the balcony again, and couldn't get out.

A dream at the summerhouse. We were discussing the weird with a group of people. A nice TV show was going on in the background. There was some sort of a street magicians' gathering in Spain or something. The most amazing feat I can still remember.

The magician took a fistful of fine sand. Then had the wind carry sand particles together to build a statue. I guess it might've been the same magician, who also conjured a live person, having him gradually materialize more and more (bodyparts of the person gradually became less translucent). Other than that, the personality of this magician seemed suspicious .. "seemed like a psycho".

Red sandstone

Yesterday I attempted OBE at the desk again. Rose up above the buildings and enjoyed the sight, the haze at the horizon, the clouds above and stuff. Didn't want to go back, still did, eventually. By then, the whole sky had become hazy just like it was at the horizon, before.

The first midsummer day of its kind, since it has always been cold, windy and raining. Today it's been really hot and pretty. Celebrating midsummer day with work at home. Taking it easy, though. =)

Today I've been feeling as if on top a large block of red sandstone that I had previously seen in a dream. In that dream, I wanted to get to the top, but I guess I couldn't quite make it there. I thought I remembered Mom having faith in me getting up there. Couldn't find the blog post, though. Found another one with similar content - dream of climbing. Also, I've been enjoying the nostalgic smell of fire, the warm and moist air .. reminds me of India. Haven't been there within this lifetime. In addition to that, the sun sometimes reminds me those days somewhere. Somewhere with a lot of furniture made of bamboo, which I remember was rather rare back at that time in that place. It was roomy, and I used to place that chair in the middle of the living-room, sit on it and meditate .. or read the newspapers.

Some physical exercises, since it's been a while.

Sat on bed for meditation, sister came and stuff evolved into a lengthy discussion on religion, beliefs, truth, path of life, etc.

Had 10 or 20 minutes before the next pass. Sat on bed for meditation, energy started buzzing around, breath cessation for a moment, heat spreading throughout the body. Opened the eyes and saw that familiar "smoke" (or concentrated psi) rising from the body.

Mosquito construct

Had to leak some of the most stale energy, in order to get it flowing again. Thanks to this, metabolism started going again and stomach problems were solved as well. Masturbation is sometimes useful. Though, should find what I'm doing wrong so I wouldn't develop this stale energy in the first place.

Maybe those psi-vamps had good intentions after all, perhaps they just weren't enough to get the energy flowing again? Sorry vamps, probably misunderstood it.

Couldn't sleep too well last night. Felt a bit too fresh. Also, whenever consciousness slipped from the body, a mosquito sensed its breakfast. At least, from the senses of it. When the consciousness was back, that mosquito was no-where to be found. While away, I thought I could actually see the mosquito and feel it landing on the skin. When I came back to shoo it away, I could see nothing there, nor could I hear it .. even the sensation of the mosquito being on the skin slowly "melted away".

Also, the sensation of someone or something holding a hand to my cheek .. it got stronger. Felt a rather strong push there. Pretty much throughout the whole night, the left arm was twitching. Got to clean the arm as well.

A swallow had entered the balcony again, and couldn't get out because of the glass windows. That's the second time within a few weeks that this has happened.

Burst emissions

Laid down in bed and burst psi emissions. In the light of these emissions, a hose to my stomach became visible. "Ah, the same guy," I thought. Concentrated some psi and sent it down the hose for him, then performed more of these radial psi bursts outwards from the centre of the body. It seemed that these bursts cut through the hose, or at least it started to degrade at the surface of the body. The loose end of the broken hose was still dangling there .. so, I just started pulling it .. pulled until I saw the guy. Had him sit down on the edge of the bed, observed him for a moment, then caused a surge of upward-flowing psi in him. Noticed that the powerful feeling of it made him feel superior. Showed him an exercise on him, then had him try. A few minutes later, he got it going. With this one, there shouldn't be a need for him to vamp like that.

Don't know whether that was just the imagination or not, but it was cool. And felt a lot more fresh afterwards .. so I'm happy with it.

Hmm ... it seems the stomach was not the only problem. My left arm kept twitching for a couple of days, and suddenly felt weakened again just a moment ago.

It's interesting, how sometimes when I see a part of "my" body, a bright blue spot appears on it or nearby.

Gloomy dreams

Slept a lot. Had a lot of dreams. Still feeling a mild head-ache from those rainstorms. None of the dreams were familiar, but all of them looked a bit gloomy.

One of them:
---------------------
Mankind was saved, the 3rd world war did not happen. However, shortly after, a different incident occurred. Somehow, a gate or a portal was opened, which caused a great disaster. I thought it was somehow related to an alien connection. I've forgotten what it was, but it was as if everyone was suddenly made vulnerable (all shields dropped) while there was a disease spreading, which was beyond physical. I remember reading a long list of all the anomalies going on, to most of which, children were the most vulnerable.

Someone had come up with an idea to construct a lot of special ships, to form a large crystal-like pattern on the ocean. The ships as well as this pattern as a whole would then resonate with a frequency somewhere from the solar system or the galaxy. There were so many ships on the ocean, shining like candles in the night, with men, women and children on board. A lot of hope for the plan to work out.

Another:
---------------------
An interesting piece of architecture. A small single-room house, floating on top of a pond or channel with ripple-less water. The roof, floor and outdoor stairs blended together in an interesting way. Glass wall(s). Sky was cloudy, there were trees around the pond / channel.

There were 3 of us, while I was the only one that interested in the structure. There was a girl there, "whom I said I still loved". I guess the 3rd one was a guy with this girl. Barely any feelings, there.

Addictions, cravings

An amazing video on addiction and cravings:

Thanks a lot for sharing this, Owltwelve!

Although I've used some of the methods described, it still felt as if I had learned a lot from this guy, most of what was not verbally expressed in the video. Several "flashbacks" of foreign places and several Deja Vu's after watching this video.

I've misunderstood a lot. Used to think it was right to think of every object as if they were ideal, to treat each person as if they were always perfect at all their abilities and skills. Got to see them as what they are in this moment.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Copy-pasta of what I wrote on the forum yesterday:

I thought I had a blog post on it, but couldn't find it somehow.

While on the bus at a bus station, I noticed a lady step out for a smoke. Observed her, acquired a feeling of her and her addiction to smoking. Once she inhaled the first mouthful of smoke, both of us experienced the incredible pleasure of her body getting its dose of nicotine. It was obvious that she tried to reproduce the effect again several times afterwards, but did not experience the pleasure anymore. Here, simply because of experiencing a boost of empathy, I was this "psychic implant" that amplified her pleasure and caused the addiction to grow deeper.

I think it might work similar with pr*n, too. It's not so much because we're addicted, but because there is consciousness enjoying it through us. Also similar to how FullMetal Alchemist monsters Greed, Pride and Envy worked. They consisted of hundreds of people, united by properties of their personalities. Greedy people powered monster Greed, envious people Envy and so on.

Tired

Felt pretty xhausted yesterday and today.

Started to feel better when I came home and ate a little. Taking a nap improved it even further. Thought I might've caught cold from these rainstorms. An ego-slap feels more likely, though. Tried to step around the edge, but probably still hit the bucket.

A couple of days ago I noticed a sharp change in my state of mind, which caused a bright white orb to appear. Like a flash, it appeared and disappeared again.

Occasionally, when I think of "me", a blue dot appears somewhere nearby.

Noticed that most of the energy is in lower chakras. Gotta work on meditating some.

Occasional pk

Found it amazingly windy a couple of days ago. Took a few minutes for playing with pk, before another satellite pass. Wind was leaning trees towards my left. As it started raining, rainfall was tilted towards the left as well. Changed the angle of rainfall, blew a few branches or leaned the several against the wind. Amazing, how easily it responded.

Haven't practised rain shielding for quite some time. Tried it, and it worked for a minute or two. No raindrops on me for a minute, while it was still raining heavily around me.

Bored in silence at work, glanced at an empty plastic bottle on the table. Acquired a faint feeling of the object, but couldn't roll it much.

Outside again, created swirls in the grass; enjoyed wind blowing from my right, turned it 90 degrees and blew on the trees next to me.

Publicity vs privacy

Discussed the weird with another physics student. He's been busy tinkering with zero point generators and stuff. Due to the absurdity, he's considering quitting school.

Heard there's a bunch of people in Estonia, keeping an eye on these things. A couple of his friends had received phone calls from random numbers: "Don't play with your young life, D00D. Do cooperate and stop your research."

In my opinion, it would be wise to research these things and put it all in public. Even those suspicious phone calls. So that everyone in the world would know what happened, when that guy goes missing. And everyone in the world would know how to reproduce and spread his work, to build up on it. Men in black are always outnumbered. As long as we have the internet, we the people have the power of media.

Didn't know there were so many people tinkering on zero-point stuff, so many psychics already in this country. Amazing stories.. though, most of them live in seclusion, experimenting on their own, without sharing their finds with the rest of the world (because they would be ridiculed anyway).

Silence + emptiness

Remembered a dream from a few days ago. In the dream we had a long discussion with someone on the subject of the sun god, false gods. Something made sense and realized something. But that's about all I remembered =D

One night, after having meditated before bed, I had a wave of peace and light washing over. Started seeing light and an infinite field of flowers of various colours. Had expected to see different kinds of gold .. because that's what I think I usually saw a couple of years ago.

Napped during the day, experimenting with the half-dream state. Heard a cough or something from someone, who was observing me, but wasn't visible. Stood up.

Recently I've sometimes felt somebody touching me from the astral or something. Like holding a hand to my cheek or head for minutes.

Somewhere within a dream, I spotted the sensation of emptiness. Focused on it and got pulled out of the dream, floating around the body. Practised concentration on this emptiness. It's been a while, since the last time I focused on it. This time it was different, though. The emptiness seemed deeper and more pure than ever before.

Re-found this emptiness several times during those daily naps.

Possess bugs

Meditated and practised OBE some, during the breaks between the satellite passes. Found a ball of something unpleasant in the chest, causing a sensation of pain. Focused on it, looked it through. Found it strange that there was no problem there, it just disappeared after having looked it through.

Had an interesting dream last night. Spent several hours in a strange lab room. There were all sorts of bugs in different glass jars and boxes. The whole floor (or perhaps the whole room) was covered in a pattern, some sort of an energetic grid or something. Saw the pattern as sort of an overlay, a really colourful one. I think I moved around in the room, observed the bugs and "possessed" them. Can't really remember more than a fuzzy image of the room, though.

Perhaps an influence of Naruto Shippuuden?

There were some other dreams as well. Was somewhere with a group of people. We had to do something .. a piece of software for an exam. An echo of the DAQ & SP exam, probably. No clue as to why I would dream of that.

.

Got tangled in work.

Some days, or perhaps even a week ago, I started getting headaches when I would focus on the crown .. probably due to all that tension.

One of the dreams / OBE were interesting. While asleep, I was in my room and probably analyzing a bunch of hex files in my mind. Occasionally it happened that I would experience a strange wave of energy, that would have me "black out" of sorts. Gradually all the senses would fade away and everything would be engulfed in some sort of a buzzing silence. Usually retreated the consciousness into a bodily shape and sat on the bed, waiting until it's over again. At some moment, I realized I had just sensed fear. Accepted it, after which, the "blackouts" no longer happened.

Although it was really late last night, just meditated instead of going to bed straight away. Felt really good today. For most of my way home, I was enjoying the feeling of emptiness and presence.

A few days ago it occurred to me that universally, these bodies have been meant for shared usage. That is, one day there's someone using it for their needs, then, the very next day someone else might need to use it to carry out something more important. There is no "my body" and never has been. Bodies are pretty much always possessed by multiple beings.


A few days ago I suddenly had a strong feeling that a fellow psion was watching an amazing movie. A very strong burst of emotions.

Sometimes it happens that a piece of gravel flies off from the shoes. Accidentally kicked a rock again (tends to happen so that it seems as if done on purpose). While on my way to a morning meeting, a sizeable rock flew towards the road. Looked as if it might hit a car driving past. Right when I thought that, the rock got deflected .. even though there didn't seem to be any edges to cause a trajectory change as sharp as that.

Planking in the bed

Woke up at 6 AM again, only to go back to bed.
Slept for a couple of hours during the day .. it felt soOo good.

Tried to remain conscious for OBEs and stuff, but pretty much lost consciousness as soon as I planked into the bed.

Somewhere in the half-dream stage I found a way to directly link sexual energy to the heart chakra. This helped to empty the pool a lot, as well as seriously boost empathy for a moment. Though, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep at it for long .. too tired .. lack of concentration .. another unconscious dream.

Forgot to mention that after those couple of hours of sleep during the day,  I ate. And opened a jar of jam from the previous century .. original taste straight from the basement. A lot of finger muscles and sweat to actually pry it open.

Have been seeing a lot of orbs flying around recently. A couple of them flew the exact same trajectory, with slightly different flight departure times. Most of them looked bluish white.

Tired? More effort!?

Practised some pranayama last night. Slept longer today morning. There was at least one OBE, but it didn't last very long.

Felt rather tired in the morning again. Had to put more effort into meditating on the crown, in order to overcome this and to be able to continue with the satellite operations.

Something was different today. Felt uncomfortable, especially when father walked into the room - he tends to cause an uneasiness of the energy in the stomach area. Focused on the crown for a while longer, with some more effort next time. Waves of hot and cold energy started propagating up the body. For about 20 minutes, stuff pulsed up the body, rocking the crown.

Also, found that empathy takes remarkably more effort than it did yesterday.

After that, felt a bit better, but still uncomfortable. When I went down into the basement, to help sister and dad out with cleaning (till the next pass), I realized just how tired I was. Noticed, how the farther I went from my floor, the more tired I felt.

After a week of this chaotic sleeping (going to bed at 2 or 3 AM, waking up at 6 AM, sleeping an hour during the day) and work from 9 AM to 2 AM without weekends, I guess I feel tired.

Around 11 PM I realized that I hadn't eaten anything since besides a couple of sandwiches and a glass of kefir for breakfast. Hadn't eaten much the previous day, either. *shrug* another glass of kefir. Found a jar of 20 years old pickles in the basement. Ate 2, drank some of that water .. really good.

Today

Although it's 0:41 AM already, let's assume it's still 7th. Hmm.. easier to just schedule the post into the past. *goes and schedules for 11:30 PM*

Woke up at 6 AM, even though I felt a bit tired. Tried to meditate and/or practice OBE, but kept falling unconscious. Got a cramp in the left foot, while rising from the bed. Yesterday's sport paid off =).

Meditated on the crown for a couple of minutes and felt amazingly fresh for the rest of the day again. Interestingly, while focused on the crown and heart chakras, the need for breathing decreased. There was some sort of a pulsating flow of energy between these 2 chakras, which seemed to have provided the body with oxygen or something. Also, while focused on the heart chakra, I've noticed jolts of feeling lighter. In addition, sometimes focus on either of those caused a burst of something tingly through the psi channels to the tips of the fingers and toes.

Sister was surprised at how silently I moved around the apartment.

Practised some more OBE during a break or two. During a couple of them, I barely saw or felt anything at all .. just felt a contrast when coming back. While sitting on the bed, I fell unconscious for a moment, then found myself somewhere, looking down towards the ground. Green mowed grass and some sort of a metallic container on it. I guess there might've been a building, some trees around, a person .. and a sunset. But that's more of an analytical overlay from the feeling. Startled back, because I realized I had fallen unconscious again.

Slept for a couple of hours, trying to remain conscious for as long as possible. Can't remember stuff.

Ah, haven't performed pranayama for a couple of days for now.

Meditation on the crown

So much to post.

A few days ago, while meditating, I saw thin and yet long fingers with brownish-red skin, pinched together. This reminded me how I used to focus on the crown years ago. Visualize the same feeling, as if pinching the the cloud of consciousness, in order to better focus it into one point.

Also found that I had multiple points of focus, each on a different layer of sorts. In order to really concentrate, I need to combine all of them. Some of those layers are more difficult to affect, some of them are more chaotic by nature (causing a lot of wandering thoughts and loitering focus).

As for meditating on the crown, I remembered from some OBEs a couple of years ago that I sometimes slept with the consciousness sitting on the crown. A syllogism and got the image of a yogi meditating cross-legged on a 1000 petal lotus .. whereas on the top of the head, there was a smaller image of the yogi, meditating cross-legged on the 1000 petal lotus.

Have been seeing a lot of flashbacks again recently, too. Memories of various feelings, places, similar experiences and stuff.

I've noticed a sort of flickering of lights on sunlight. Might be birds, is it now? From the balcony, it might very well be a seagull flying past, but not on the streets (shadow is a lot smaller, compared to the area in sight). Don't know what to think about this one. Occasionally there have been flashes of white light as well.

Felt exhausted. Focused on the crown for a minute or two and feeling revived again. The crown woke up heart chakra as well. Feeling a bit tensed up right now, though.

What an amazing day .. yesterday

A couple of days ago, I was tensed up, for some reason. Yesterday it was the opposite.

Meditated some on the crown, until I started feeling sick. Then on the heart chakra .. a significant boost of empathy and psychic heat. Usually I've sensed just one feeling at each place, yesterday I saw each place from the perspective of 3 or 4 different feelings (alternate realities of sorts).

Woke up at 6 AM yesterday (4 - 5 hours of sleep). Practised OBE and felt really fresh for the rest of the day. Felt energized and since I hadn't gone out for slightly less than a week already, the day and evening offered a lot of running back and forth. While at it, the body and spirit felt so happy. The body felt pretty lightweight, agile and movements seemed amazingly precise.

Also found it amazing that no matter what I did or where I went, I always arrived in time. Speed-walked past an old Indian lady, who looked at me, smiled and said something I couldn't understand. A minute later, a girl with a bicycle stared at me for too long .. had to change my walking direction in order to avoid a crash.

While waiting in the lab yesterday, slept for 30 min, while consciously aware and monitoring the state of the mind. Tried some pk on the window for slightly less than a minute. It moved a cm. Changed the state of mind, somehow and then found it difficult to twitch it more than a mm.

Bought sister a bicycle for birthday, yesterday.

Yesterday I guess I only ate apple salad with oranges and bananas for breakfast and drank a lot of kefir during the day.

Creepypasta from the past

Pulled out a piece of history .. a drawer I thought would be nice to use for de-cluttering the tables.

A treasure chest .. folders from school. Sister found Mom's paper-blogs from the time we were born. Some good jokes and stuff. Knew mine wouldn't be as funny.

Started reading it from the end.

• Found several stories of an entity that inhabited the bedroom. Used to call them "bad hook" or "bad spirit" and for some reason, associated the smell of flesh to them.
• There was also someone else, who "lived near the stove", whom I called Narma.
• I guess there was a friend, whom I called "false bullet" or something. Claimed having discussed a lot of things with them. We even shared a car.
• One morning I had described a dream to Mom, saying: "Now I know how people die in car accidents. I saw it in a dream." Then continued with a description of broken bones, organs and a lot of blood.
• Another blog entry, mentioning someone's death.
• Enjoyed "reading" books, articles.
• Liked cranes, tractors, cars.

Oh, well. Gotta focus on the present now.. =)

Delicious past. Don't focus on it!

Oh boy, this new schedule is tiring. Especially, when writing code during the breaks, not sleeping or meditating. Found keeping focus on the crown pretty effective in overcoming sleepiness. Even a 1 min session had me feel a lot more fresh for the next several hours.

This reminded me that I had yet again forgotten to keep focus there. Also, sighing reminded me that I've forgotten to remain conscious of my breathing habits at all times.

The heart chakra is under-trained as well. Sometimes when I focus on it, it bursts into a tangible cloud of psychic heat, providing an awesome feeling of empathy and love with everything. Then a minute later, it fades away again.

Even though, some posts ago I had stated that tantra practice was not the path for me, yesterday I tried to move sexual energy up into the crown.

One more practice that I remembered from a while back. Used to practice pranayama a bit different. Instead of breathing out, I would breathe out inwards, somehow. A lot less energy leaks this way. Experienced a flash of light while practising this. With the eyes closed, the flash looked like a a white ring of light.

Found a point of pain in the right hand today morning. Tried to wash it off with psi for a couple of times, which didn't help.

timeschedule.randomize()

Operating the satellite provides an interesting time schedule. Several passes throughout the day (roughly 9 - 2 AM), with 1.5 hour intervals.

While waiting for the next pass, I figured I could study for an exam, sleep, eat, write code, meditate, read a book.

Listened to music (good for estimating time during meditation sessions) and meditated, focusing consciousness inwards. Tried to look for reasons why I enjoy certain tones in the music. Encountered interesting feelings and memories, places related to these feelings. Turning the focus inwards or outwards caused a nice shift (similar to leaving the body during an OBE). It seemed to have a longer-term effect on the central part of the brain (which started oscillating, due to the shift of consciousness, or something).

Started reading "Extraordinary powers in humans," by Andov Pane.

After going to bed, experienced several meditation sessions and OBE attempts throughout the dreams. The book had me wonder about the zooming sounds during Kundalini awakening. Thought I hadn't experienced those sounds. Experienced something of sorts in the dreams .. had always considered these sounds to be a side-effect to OBEs.

Woke up a lot during the night, to check the time. It was really hot in the morning, when sun started shining in through the balcony.

Yesterday .. now, was it? .. I tried some of the old exercises. Applied a pk push to the chest, to lift the body a little. The sensation was pretty solid. Though, I wasn't able to apply the same thing for the lower body. Gotta practice that again. Also, while at it, the back of the brain experienced a sort of pressure + a slight strike of pain, when I pushed it a bit too far. The same exercise can be used to morph the mattress or pillow, too.

Loss of time

Finished watching Darker than Black. An interesting one, though, during the last 10 episodes or so, I started getting attracted to the emotions.

While watching some episode of Darker than Black: Gemini of the Meteor, at some moment, I realized or became aware of my room again, this body .. closed the laptop. Took me a few minutes to remember who I was. Just laid down in bed, trying to remember stuff. Then father woke up in the next room .. for a moment, he was certain it was Sunday, July 2019. Well, gradually stuff settled and everything felt in sync again.

He said he was studying in an OBE school of sorts, before he woke up. Cool stuff.

Edit: The ending of Darker than Black: Gemini of the Meteor was epic.