Emotion transformer

I've been applying this method again recently:

I've used it while I'm walking to work, walking back home or sleeping.

Meditated for a bit yesterday evening before a nap, too.

Had a proofreading session of my article today, at a colleague's friend's place. It started out quite stressful. Not because of the article, the article was fine. The event was stressful because I was at someone else's place and it was full of cats. Put forth a lot of effort in trying to limit my energy output, empathy, geisting and all that. This made me a bit nervous, which the proofreader seemed to have picked up, or at least I think so. Because after about an hour, some sort of malevolent energy started manifesting. I found it a bit strange that the cats did not react any different, although the strange mood was on positive feedback and getting amplified. There was a small geist (a snapping sound). Remembered my only way out of such a situation - visualizing a beautiful landscape and focusing on the light. The proofreader subconsciously grabbed the visualization and focused on his own light that was shining through. The mood transformed instantly. I was a bit baffled at how well it worked out, so I probed him every now and then, to verify the strength of his focus. He had subconsciously taken the inspiration and already grown it in (designed his own visualizations and stuff). Also saw a few flashes of white light, while visualizing some pretty sunlight.

On my way back home, I encountered a few places where I also sensed some darkness looming. Observed the packages of feelings + images and turned them a bit, which made them more cheerful. Had a few flashbacks and remembered an early experience when I saw the light. It happened after a choir performance, back in the days of primary school.

At the gym, I stared at the clouds while doing a warm-up on the rowing ergometer. The last time at the gym, I doubled the warm-up time to see if it would get me tired or not. The issue is that being bored, the mind will start generating all sorts of thoughts like "How many more minutes to go? I must be tired or something." This time staring at the clouds helped to work around this problem.

Short OBE nap

A nice video about the last waves of incarnations on Earth, aliens and such.
I found Dolores a bit creepy, though. Hypnosis is not safe and one might never know what the hypnotherapist has programmed into their mind.

Took a couple of naps during the day. One of them led to an OBE. Spontaneously whispered something, which worked as a signal that got the vibrations going. The vibrations were of low frequency and as they originated from the chest, it felt as if heart had started pounding really fast, followed by pectoral muscle spasms. Then gradually breathing stopped and I crawled / levitated / moved towards the mirror next to the bed. Looked at myself and at the body, then sat next to the bed. Looked around the room and tried to maintain focus on it. That didn't work for very long, as I realized I had started breathing (in the body) again.

Oh, one more thing. While watching the video, I realized that my time for enlightenment and leaving this place is .. well, not very near. This made me feel a bit more happy, because it provides time for psychokinesis and self-mastery practices. This also means that the challenges of dealing with people and worldly issues are not going to be over anytime soon.

Replacement for summer vacation

Two days on a barge (a sunny and a stormy one). A hike of about 30 km home from work .. with some grilling at a colleague's place.

Due to socializing, the inner dialogue has become stronger again. Found a couple of people with a bit similar interests, so it might've been worth it.

There was a dream that I found interesting. I passed through a place which I had visited before. A pile of strange and powerful artifacts in a desert. These artifacts I had gathered while exploring the place some time ago. I had formed a pile out of them to mark the spot that I could visit. Another reason for the pile was that there was no way I could bring any of those artifacts with me into this reality. I could only go there to look at them, and then come back. Anyway, this time I paid a brief visit to this place, but then realized I had a tail. An entity had followed me through the portal. Being annoyed, I used the pile as a distraction while I left the realm.

There have been a few realizations in the meantime as well. All of them have been on the edge of my perception, which can't be put into words. The realizations have an abstract base and the realizations themselves are at least as abstract.

Flickering of the central candle

Forgot to mention in the previous post that right when I entered the bus, I noticed that thick rain clouds had washed over, blocking the sun.

Actually another thing that I forgot to mention .. on Sunday I focused on a region of faint pain / tension in the abdomen (left side). A moment later the tension released with an explosion. The explosion released quite strong pain in the left side of the abdomen (and for a moment saturated all senses). Strange but felt good after that and haven't had problems.

For the past couple of days, there has been a slightly more serious mood.

Last night I had dreams, but none of them really stood out. Except for one detail. Somehow I was reading a book (within my own field of energy) and I was a bit worried and annoyed about the oscillating light. I thought it probably wasn't too healthy to read in such a light. But then I realized it was my own internal flame that I was using as the light for reading. The frequency was quite low, actually .. which was probably the reason why it took me a while to realize it was my own light. When I woke up, I noticed that the frequency was a lot higher.

It has been months, but today at work the cafeteria lamp flickered again.

Bat in crisp sunlight

Today morning I was waiting for the car when a colleague came and told me that I did not have a seat on the car. Apparently I had somehow misread the number of seats in the carpool. Oh well, took the next bus then. The next bus was in an hour so I arrived at work 1.5 hours late and missed the weekly meeting. I was not too happy about that. While waiting for the bus, there was an interesting omen, or perhaps a sequence of them. The sun was very hot and bright. At some moment, an old man sat next to me. Later I noticed that a bat had appeared on the asphalt right in front of me. It moved around a bit. I thought perhaps I should grab it and move it under a tree or something, but then remembered that it might have had everything under control .. so I did not, simply observed it. Then it flew away towards one of the trees nearby. The old man either had not noticed the bat, or deliberately tried not to look at it, for some reason.

Stood up because I mistakenly thought it was my bus .. which it wasn't. However, it looked as if I had stood up because a friend walked past me. Chatted with him a little and then continued waiting for the bus.

Today everyone missed the lunch order .. sort of, as the order was missed. So we all went to a nearby town for lunch.

Got home, ate and took a nap. During the nap, I helped a colleague with something so abstract that it doesn't translate to words.

Different

For the past couple of days I've been practising concentration the way I used to -- force the internal dialogue to become silent and then observe the surroundings. Occasionally I've been getting spontaneous moments of silence. Sometimes I've been hearing & feeling the central flame reaching the top of the head.

Last night I had chewed chewing gum for helping to clean the teeth. Took a couple of wasabi rice crackers and went to bed. An hour or two later, the stomach was full of spots of pain. Felt like throwing up. Targeted the spots one at a time and "zoomed in" on them, until I saw the spot in two. As I observed them as two spots that simply did not play well together, they changed. It was as if they became decoupled and no longer attacked each-other. Like that, one by one the spots of pain disappeared.

Ego-slaps continued today. It almost feels as if I've woken up in a wrong body again. I'm not the same as I remember, but neither is the world around me.

Today at work a summer-student notified me that we had missed the registration for lunch (apparently they had cleared the table and deadline was before coming to work). Oh well. So I went around and asked if anyone else had missed theirs. It seemed that everyone else who had, had brought food with them. Which reminded me that as I withdrew some cash and passed the market in the morning, it did occur to me to buy lunch with me, for change. I thought properly cooked warm food was a lot better, and walked past the possibility to buy really good pastry and dairy products. Anyway, this made some emotions boil, which I turned into willpower, took a bus (perhaps had to wait at the bus stop for a minute or two) to a nearby town and ate at a pub. Good food. Somehow timing was perfect so that I got the next bus back to work without even having to wait a second at the bus stop. I was amazed at the flow and synchronicity of it all.

Yesterday I once thought that since I had forgotten to wash the clothes (especially the socks and shorts), I have developed a good excuse for not going to the gym today. But as we arrived home last night, I soon realized that father had read my mind, visited home with his new girlfriend and done everything that I had forgotten to.

So, went to gym. :: where is the key? :: I always put it here and I always double-check it before leaving :: wait, where is the lock? :: I always put it here .... .. yada yada ::
Somehow I had left the lock and the key on the bench at the gym. Very strange that I would've been that absent-minded. Noticed that body behaved a bit different. It truly felt as if I'm in someone else's body with their bodily memories. My behaviour and sense of humour today were also quite different at work. The older unpredictability, focus, spontaneous happiness and freedom are returning.

Ego-slaps

Today I write.

A few days ago I was browsing for tents. Recognized a couple of red all-season tents from some old OBEs where I was all confused by the geometry. Oh well, those tents don't seem to be on the list anymore (were there 2 days ago).

Yesterday I joined sister for grandfather's event where he presented his book. I had no idea what was going on, I tried to just .. go with the flow. Strange stuff happened. We visited a graveyard. The graveyard was ok (as in, not strange).

There was some sort of a graveyard holiday or something, where people gathered to listen for a priest singing songs and expressing grief for everyone who had died in the past couple of years. To my own surprise, I found it more interesting than I ever have (in my more general opinion, priests have the tendency to be boring). I listened to the priest's words and replaced them with Castaneda's terminology in my mind. Since it was cold, which always seems to be the case at a graveyard, I tried to stop my internal dialogue and focus on the sensation of warmth that was inside me somewhere. At some moment it worked and it was no longer cold. It also occasionally happened that I got entrained to the surroundings, feeling the trees, the air, the ground. Tried to keep it filtered, though, to not fall into the "pit of depression" that the people were "digging" there.

At the place of a relative, grandparents were a little surprised when I said I had been there. Well, I'm pretty sure I was there with them. Took a glass of juice and sat down on the couch, or at least I thought I did. Bang, half of the juice flew up and out of the glass. I marvelled the shape of the juice flying in the air. Managed to keep my suit pants untouched by the blob of juice before it hit the floor. I was a bit puzzled as to how it happened. As I had started pouring the juice into the glass, I got the feeling that I'll drop it one way or another. So I tried to be exceptionally careful in holding the glass strongly, watching my step and everything. However, for some reason I had forgotten that the couch was not in level with the chair where grandfather was sitting .. the couch was like another meter towards the back. As the butt was on its way towards the ground, I realized the couch wasn't that low. However, due to having done physical exercises fairly recently, I miscalculated the reaction of the muscles. Well, the situation was very embarrassing and at the same time so absurd and funny that I found it difficult not to laugh at myself and the whole event.

While driving to another place, I was looking out of the window again - because the inside of the car becomes boring too quickly. We passed an array of bushes or trees, which had wooden sticks as supports. One of the bushes stood out (only one out of perhaps 10 or so), as my interpretation of it was really weird. In perspective, the support sticks moved in impossible angles. Couldn't wrap my mind around it at first, then thought that my brain had probably pieced the animation together in the wrong direction. Although this behaviour is normal, it seemed strange that it would only occur for one specific bush, while everything else around it was perceived normally.

Another event. Sister was playing guitar and singing, so I was asked to hold the microphone. After she finished, a lady came with a microphone stand.

I was given a book to deliver to the relative from two paragraphs before. Having already "washed" their floor, I wanted the book to remain clean from whatever influence I might have on it (sweaty hands, for example). Well, having slept for just a few hours and eaten a minimal amount, I was both tired as well as hungry. So even though I tried to control it, I yawned and some saliva flew on the book cover. Fcuk. Wiped it away, noticed that I had missed a couple of spills, then wiped those away and so on. Realized how inevitable it all was.

The point was not in avoiding influence (as I've tried to do the whole life), but to realize that sterility is as selfish as the lack of sterility.

Anyway, when the graveyard "festival" had yielded a cold, windy, rainy weather, then the book ceremony flipped it all around. The sky was clear, sun was shining and it was quite hot outside. Mass-emotions sometimes seem to have a significant influence on weather.

Some stuff randomly changed again. Grandparents had planned to leave me to the relative's place so that I would eat there and go home with aunts. That did not happen, so we postponed eating again. The driver was hungry, as were sister and I. So we ate in the car, while grandparents were visiting an old friend, who stayed at a healthcare institute. Visited the bathroom there. The place looked as if crowded with zombies. Staying at a place with nothing reasonable to do, they had all become absent-minded in record time. In my opinion one could achieve wonders by just giving them a garden to take care of.

Today I wrote.

Dunnowhat and room of fire

Two interesting dreams right after dunnowhat.

This dunnowhat or whatever I was dreaming of or doing before, had lasted for quite some time. I was at an old shack that barely had any walls, doors (large gaps between the wooden planks). In fact, these gaps in the walls and doors made me wonder why I felt safe in there. If I've managed to live in such a shed for all this time, then there shouldn't be anything for me to try to protect myself from. Decided to finally go to bed to get some sleep from within the dream. A mattress! The mattress looked like one of those in a Silent Hill or some Fallout episode -- ragged but still almost functional. Cool .. ::me starts pulling it out so that I could lay down on it:: *poof, it turns into a cloud of hornets* ::me darts across the room and closes the door::

Waited in the other room for some time, then opened the door and went back. I was sort of prepared and knew what was going on in that room. The room was full of some sort of invisible fire or flame that purified or transformed things. The hornets had filled up a large cauldron and transformed into a honey-like mixture. I was amazed at how pure it was - I would've expected some hornets still laying around here or there, but there were none. I tasted the mixture and it was perfect -- whatever it was.

Continued with the effort of trying to find some sleep. But I guess I was still holding the ladle with some of that .. fluid. Must have mishandled it or something, because a viola on the wall caught fire. Wanted to extinguish it, but realized there was nothing in the range of 1.5 km that could help. Oh well, whatever then .. so much for the sleep. Already bright outside anyway.

Woke up and fell asleep again. I was a cloud of consciousness, observing an interesting space mission (browsed the tree of acquaintances). Basically a bunch of enthusiasts in NASA were reviving the Apollo mission. Although I wanted to, it didn't seem like I could interact with what I was observing. Also it was not factual but a stream of symbols that were different each time I looked at them. There was a small rocket, which shouldn't have been able to deliver the payload into orbit (at least that was my opinion in the dream). So, I thought they had used negative mass. Tried to ask one of the crew members about this, but nothing happened (no interaction at all). Also I was so fascinated by this project and its crew that after the launch, I felt deserted (like the last of friends had all just left). A lot of emotions, which I realized were a waste of energy .. so I tried to channel them into detachment and spiritual progress. Woke up into my room, one of space-tech friends was there with their dream body (a friend whom I don't know or haven't met). We laughed at the humour of the Apollo crew. Apparently the new crew had even revived the sense of humour from the old one. Woke up.

Dazzling minerals

The ear-throat-pain has more-or-less cleared away with the night.

Well, I had planned on having a gym workout in dreaming, but I remember missing the open hours .. fell asleep and slept next door to the gym room. I don't remember what I did in the dreaming within the dreaming, though.

Today at the gym I was a little amazed. Somehow within the past couple of days I've learned the menu choices of the rowing ergometer that I've never used, I've also improved on a few techniques, my muscles acted differently than they have acted before and I had a lot more stamina than I've usually had.

Another dream that I had last night. I was at grandparent's place in the capital. Throughout his life, grandfather had been gathering all sorts of minerals. With chemistry he improved on them, and built earrings, necklaces, and even covered an envelope with thin sheets of some sort of amber-looking mineral. From the dream I got the impression that although it was grandfather, he was not really himself when he made these things. It was as if someone had done it through him. I was genuinely impressed. I looked at all of his work and couldn't even put my fascination into words. For example, there was an earring with two tiny gems that glowed brightly in the dark (looked like a combination of electrostatics, chemistry, geology and art with elegance). I think I grew a bit too fond of these illusory miracles, though.

While on my way back from the gym, it started raining. Took cover under a couple of objects on the way. Then there were no more places for cover .. until I would get home (about 10 minutes more to walk). Having no umbrella nor jacket, I left the trees and relied on the weather clearing up. Respect and humble thanks to the weather, for there were no more bursts of rain until I got home.

Today there were a few split-second moments, during which I became one with the surroundings (a boulder, a couple of trees and a street block with a couple of buildings or with people and/or pets).

Not a preacher

Wow, it seems I've been running at a really low frequency. The splenic? chakra I guess opened up .. at an at least hundreds of times higher frequency than what I had thought to be its natural frequency. Today I've been focusing on the light, even though it's still very subtle.

Yesterday I went jogging, because I hadn't done so in months. Intended to jog to the place where I could do pull-ups (the respective muscles are still quite weak). I was amazed at what the body could do after just one month of gym. Instead of jogging, I ended up sprinting the whole way. Couldn't find the bars for pull-ups, though. There were two places in the woods where they were supposed to be, but in both places they had removed the bars. Improvised and managed to get quite a few muscles sore (slightly more so than what I've usually got at the gym). While jogging back, I found another place of power in the woods. A slightly elevated area with a pine tree that has the trunk split into three trees. It forms something like a chair. Compared to the rest of the place, this area felt really nice.

Relaxed a great deal last night, applied detachment too. While at it, there was some heavy snapping, crackling going on all around the apartment. Woke up with an occasional pain in the left side of the head (with all the swimming in the past days, water had gotten into the ear and it seems it has caught cold before I've managed to get the water out of there).

Today a colleague said he possibly has a brain tumor. Oh well .. not very surprising, though. As he's not into alternative stuff (yoga, meditation, alternative medicine), the least I can do is use his condition for inspiration in my own spiritual practices.

Actually I find it a bit strange, because he seems like the type who has quite a lot of experience in meditation, perhaps more than I do (awesome concentration skills) .. and yet he's not interested. There's one more guy in the team, who's as "skeptical". A very inspiring dude from high-school with a lot of experience in dreaming .. but thinks it's all the hallucinations caused by brain chemistry. Since both of them are very rational, it's very interesting to discuss these things with them - even though they're not interested, they are at least able to consider the possibility. Then again, I'm an engineer and perhaps a researcher in my own way, but I'm no preacher. I can not change another person against their own will. Also, I don't quite agree with what the sorcerers in Castaneda's books are doing (to me it seems that they're forcing their own will on others). Everyone is on their spiritual journey alone.

Target practice

Last night in the dreams I was working on a school task of some sort. What was unusual though, a girl came, sat next to me and enjoyed my presence. She answered most of the questions I had on the paper. I was grateful. Soon she left. Slowly realized that at least most of her answers contained nothing useful.

A few nights ago I had a strange (unusual) dream. Workshop / seminar stuff .. then became bored, lucid and started playing parkour around the place. This eventually developed into flying around. Some entity to my right drew me to what looked like an FPS target practice at a park. I was a bit surprised that firearms did not work there. Obviously the idea was to charge at the target, flying as fast as I could. So I did. The target had several invisible shields around it. This method caused the outermost shield to crack and fall apart. The next attack took the next shield. The next target was summoned. Stuff did not seem right. Took its outermost shield and then I was stopped. One of the entities to my right (there were two, I think) had developed empathy towards the target and rushed to it. By "stuff did not seem right", I meant I realized the seriousness of it .. it was not a game / simulation, like the FPS dreams have been (guns usually don't hurt in those dreams). I also realized that although the targets seemed like statues, they actually were not. Similarly to this dream, I could feel the dormant danger of the targets .. they seemed alive but somehow frozen or inanimate. Hmm .. remembered that since hitting the shield, the shockwave and cracking propagated very slowly. Perhaps the targets had been locked in time somehow?

On a better note, I've been taking quite a few chances at participating in events that I usually wouldn't. This has been having a positive (though, so far temporary) effect on my awareness.