Mom has been travelling around India, Tibet for the past few months. She sent me a Kalachakra mandala and 3 yoga books (about Naropa + something from Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche). Though, via Skype she mentioned that she has bought even more books, which she would like to share for reading.
Since I had given my copy of the "Tibetan yogas of dream and sleep" to Mom, she bought another one and sent that back. Anyway, there's now thousands of pages waiting to be read .. once I've finished with the history of Germany.
The mandala is also interesting .. shall place it somewhere so that I would see it several times each day.
I've also decided to build a cheap Michelson-Morley interferometer and experiment with it a little.
Santa was really fun this time. An old lady with a very good sense of humour.
Didn't sleep too well last night. Perhaps because I had taken a nap during the day. Also practised energy manipulation (qi-gong with the non-physical body) before falling asleep, which might've caused me to be slightly over-energized.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Where I'm expected to be
Had some interesting dreams. Since it's a holiday and grandparents are expecting us to visit them, I experienced a very strong pull towards their place.
Woke up at their place, after a long sleep. I usually sleep in an eclectic manner, sometimes being awake, sometimes being half-awake, sometimes being deeply asleep. Throughout the night I was aware of myself being at their place, not here at home. Anyway, they had hoped I would wake up earlier, as people had already started gathering around the table and everything. This was very OBE-like.
Heard the neighbours listening to loud music (sounded like DnB). No-one else around me heard that, so I assumed it came from where my body was sleeping. It took me some time to arrive back at home and when I did, I realized my astral body was 180 degrees rotated, in respect to the physical body. Also, the music did not originate from the physical realm. From the physical or semi-physical realm, there was a different music (a neighbour listening to classical music from the TV).
Woke up at their place, after a long sleep. I usually sleep in an eclectic manner, sometimes being awake, sometimes being half-awake, sometimes being deeply asleep. Throughout the night I was aware of myself being at their place, not here at home. Anyway, they had hoped I would wake up earlier, as people had already started gathering around the table and everything. This was very OBE-like.
Heard the neighbours listening to loud music (sounded like DnB). No-one else around me heard that, so I assumed it came from where my body was sleeping. It took me some time to arrive back at home and when I did, I realized my astral body was 180 degrees rotated, in respect to the physical body. Also, the music did not originate from the physical realm. From the physical or semi-physical realm, there was a different music (a neighbour listening to classical music from the TV).
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Lack of recollection
Last night I had an inspiring chat with Hyena again.
Went to bed, took a psi field the size of the room and focused on it. At some point I felt a bunch of psi rise the spine up to the head. I think I continued with my focus.
Then I don't remember anything until in the morning I had a dream where I was on my way back with Kevin and some other people. There was barely any time left for me to catch a bus and go home. The party was rather relaxed about it all. Anyway, I sped forward and scouted the area for a bus stop. Then rewound time and went straight towards the bus stop the next time.
Some of us had to visit the bathroom, though. I noticed that as I washed my hands, the water there did not wash off soap.
Woke up into a half-dream state, where I knew / saw the time (saw the surroundings with closed eyes and stuff) and listened to what happened around me. It seemed like an overlay from a high-frequency realm or something, on top of this material realm. In the high-frequency realm, I heard some sort of sounds in the distance (the sounds were not muffled, but I've forgotten what sounds they were). Also, I heard father leave and say "have a nice day".
Woke up and heard father leave for work in this realm also.
Went to bed, took a psi field the size of the room and focused on it. At some point I felt a bunch of psi rise the spine up to the head. I think I continued with my focus.
Then I don't remember anything until in the morning I had a dream where I was on my way back with Kevin and some other people. There was barely any time left for me to catch a bus and go home. The party was rather relaxed about it all. Anyway, I sped forward and scouted the area for a bus stop. Then rewound time and went straight towards the bus stop the next time.
Some of us had to visit the bathroom, though. I noticed that as I washed my hands, the water there did not wash off soap.
Woke up into a half-dream state, where I knew / saw the time (saw the surroundings with closed eyes and stuff) and listened to what happened around me. It seemed like an overlay from a high-frequency realm or something, on top of this material realm. In the high-frequency realm, I heard some sort of sounds in the distance (the sounds were not muffled, but I've forgotten what sounds they were). Also, I heard father leave and say "have a nice day".
Woke up and heard father leave for work in this realm also.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Proxy experiences
At work there are all sorts of displays around the building. While there aren't any specific events going on, most are showing some space agency clips.
Glanced at one of those displays today for a few seconds. There was a guy floating around in ISS and talking about something.
Realized that I know the feeling of zero-gravity. I also know the feeling of re-entry and the feeling of being back on Earth. I'm not sure if I've posted about it here, but I also have a memory of dying in space, knowing there's no way to escape and no way to get help. Helping others in a similar situation has been a recurring theme in several dreams.
But then again, I have memories from other people at the present time and I have memories of the future. My consciousness is not mine, it's shared and because of that I can't conclude anything about my past-lives .. I don't own them. There's no "me", there's just a cloud of consciousness that experiences.
Glanced at one of those displays today for a few seconds. There was a guy floating around in ISS and talking about something.
Realized that I know the feeling of zero-gravity. I also know the feeling of re-entry and the feeling of being back on Earth. I'm not sure if I've posted about it here, but I also have a memory of dying in space, knowing there's no way to escape and no way to get help. Helping others in a similar situation has been a recurring theme in several dreams.
But then again, I have memories from other people at the present time and I have memories of the future. My consciousness is not mine, it's shared and because of that I can't conclude anything about my past-lives .. I don't own them. There's no "me", there's just a cloud of consciousness that experiences.
Nonphysical nonsense
Read some more about Germany during WWII. Before sleep, developed an interest to learn what actually happened back then. Though, a bit later I realized that in my current state of mind, I would probably go crazy if I somehow managed learned all that during a single night. So, I decided to improve my state of mind so that one day in the future I would be able to "directly download" history into my mind.
Throughout the night I was in a realm similar to this one, but not quite. While my dream body was in that realm, my dream mind was beyond that realm. I had a non-physical teacher, who taught me something. For most of the night, I gathered information on a subject. Sometime in the morning I altered something.
In that dream realm (higher frequency), I could comprehend the non-physical stuff that I was working on. However, in this material realm, I can't remember any of it, because none of it ever made sense or got associated with anything else. I don't know what it was but I don't think there was any relation to history at all.
In the morning I realized I had sort of overcome the throat issue and now the head was the next energy blocker. My head was full of snot.
Throughout the night I was in a realm similar to this one, but not quite. While my dream body was in that realm, my dream mind was beyond that realm. I had a non-physical teacher, who taught me something. For most of the night, I gathered information on a subject. Sometime in the morning I altered something.
In that dream realm (higher frequency), I could comprehend the non-physical stuff that I was working on. However, in this material realm, I can't remember any of it, because none of it ever made sense or got associated with anything else. I don't know what it was but I don't think there was any relation to history at all.
In the morning I realized I had sort of overcome the throat issue and now the head was the next energy blocker. My head was full of snot.
Monday, December 15, 2014
Throatblock
Slept a lot during the weekend. Spent more in half-dream and half-astral stages than I usually have. That cleared up the mess I had in my heart chakra. However, now it's the throat that hurts.
Occasionally psi gets through the throat. Occasionally I've seen the clear light for a split-second. Occasionally I've felt close to being weightless again and quite often I've been seeing with my eyes closed. Also, sometimes I've noticed my mind manifesting a smell or a taste .. not as strong as it used to be, but very close.
Occasionally psi gets through the throat. Occasionally I've seen the clear light for a split-second. Occasionally I've felt close to being weightless again and quite often I've been seeing with my eyes closed. Also, sometimes I've noticed my mind manifesting a smell or a taste .. not as strong as it used to be, but very close.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Steins;Gate
Watched Steins;Gate. There's a man who acts a mad scientist and with the help of a few friends, he tries to come up with a time machine. The mad scientist starts off rather childish but the more he explores time-travel, the more he changes. More and more does he realize the consequences of his seemingly innocent experiments.
If you watch it, make sure to watch it all. It gets particularly interesting in the last episodes.
The technology doesn't look anything serious, though. Theory is also distorted and illogical. But story-line and ethics are really really good. It may not look it at first, but after watching the last episodes, everything comes together very nicely.
Found the anime thanks to this AMV:
If you watch it, make sure to watch it all. It gets particularly interesting in the last episodes.
The technology doesn't look anything serious, though. Theory is also distorted and illogical. But story-line and ethics are really really good. It may not look it at first, but after watching the last episodes, everything comes together very nicely.
Found the anime thanks to this AMV:
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Japan of 80's
Watched a documentary on Japan from 1987:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTnDJumzuBE
For me this answered a lot of questions regarding Japan. Japan and China now make a lot more sense to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTnDJumzuBE
For me this answered a lot of questions regarding Japan. Japan and China now make a lot more sense to me.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Realizing energy properties
It was a few evenings ago, while walking home that I realized something about the fractal nature of myself. Suddenly for a moment I saw myself as a bunch of intermixing layers of N-dimensional geometry.
The design of Volvo V60 rear lights caught my attention today. I haven't paid attention to the design earlier. This time when I saw it, I realized energy filaments. My old perspective now seems very naive and simplified. And yet I felt as if it's obvious and I've studied this before.
My empathy has not been doing too great recently, with an exception today. While walking somewhere, I suddenly felt a strong empathy connection to a woman walking past.
For the past couple of nights, I've been working on something in the dreams but so far I haven't understood what it is. A bit too abstract for the ego-mind to comprehend. In addition to that work, last night I saw an aircraft that resembled zeppelin. It was transported to a parking lot in front of a museum and then it disappeared. I entered the museum, found a lot of old hardware and met people I wouldn't have expected to see in a museum.
There was something, which I wanted to post but forgot to. Forgot again.
Remembered again.
When in the process of cleaning, I have found it better to move the focus point around. If it stays in one spot for too long, that spot becomes dirty, which makes it difficult to maintain focus. For example, while I'm focusing on my breath, I would keep focus at a particular spot until I find my mind wandering more and more often each time .. then I would move the focus a little bit more inside the nose (or more outside) and continue with the practice.
The design of Volvo V60 rear lights caught my attention today. I haven't paid attention to the design earlier. This time when I saw it, I realized energy filaments. My old perspective now seems very naive and simplified. And yet I felt as if it's obvious and I've studied this before.
My empathy has not been doing too great recently, with an exception today. While walking somewhere, I suddenly felt a strong empathy connection to a woman walking past.
For the past couple of nights, I've been working on something in the dreams but so far I haven't understood what it is. A bit too abstract for the ego-mind to comprehend. In addition to that work, last night I saw an aircraft that resembled zeppelin. It was transported to a parking lot in front of a museum and then it disappeared. I entered the museum, found a lot of old hardware and met people I wouldn't have expected to see in a museum.
There was something, which I wanted to post but forgot to. Forgot again.
Remembered again.
When in the process of cleaning, I have found it better to move the focus point around. If it stays in one spot for too long, that spot becomes dirty, which makes it difficult to maintain focus. For example, while I'm focusing on my breath, I would keep focus at a particular spot until I find my mind wandering more and more often each time .. then I would move the focus a little bit more inside the nose (or more outside) and continue with the practice.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Which reminds me .. should go to sleep
Since the previous post, I've been focusing on breath again. Hopefully this helps to melt up that ice-cold crystal in my heart chakra, which feels like it's constantly ripping through my internals.
Something I've noticed. Perhaps I've misinterpreted Castaneda's terms "self-pity" and "compassion". However, to me it seems that they are necessary to some degree. Without self-pity and compassion, one cannot drop their burden properly .. it gradually induces the rambo mentality. For a rambo, there is no such thing as a burden and there is no humble attitude. However, having a moderately humble attitude towards life, realizing the burden and giving it up are very important on the path of self-realization. Both self-pity and the lack of it are ignorance, the acyclic path is somewhere in between.
Recently I've noticed lights flashing around me. This is nothing new, but what I haven't seen before .. lights flashing brighter (as if I were causing power surges in the grid). I guess it could also be my internal flame flashing, leaving the impression that it's the lights that go brighter for a split-second. Saw 2 orbs again today, both of them lifted from near my work desk and went towards the ceiling. One of them was especially bright.
With this focus on breath practice, my internal tension has been slowly decreasing. I've been feeling somewhat tired recently. Either several years of accumulated stress that is being released, or it could be that I've overworked for a week, about 14 hours of work each day (including the weekend).
Last night I had a rather familiar dream. Haven't seen those for quite a while. I had just finished work and found myself at school. We had been divided into pairs. Each pair would have to write down answers to the questions that the teacher asked. I was so tired that once the teacher finished a sentence, I had forgotten how it started. I knew I would be able to answer the questions but I simply couldn't, at least not in this state. Visited the toilet, fell asleep there. Eventually woke up and walked out. We had arrived on an island of some sort and everyone thought I had become lost and lagged behind. Teacher asked me to follow and started hiking up a slope. I tried to follow but eventually there was nothing I could grab from .. the dream ended.
A couple of nights ago I saw sister sleeping and mumbling through sleep. I replied something, which caused her to wake up into the same realm .. so she started describing how she has been, what sort of ideas she has had and so on.
Something I've noticed. Perhaps I've misinterpreted Castaneda's terms "self-pity" and "compassion". However, to me it seems that they are necessary to some degree. Without self-pity and compassion, one cannot drop their burden properly .. it gradually induces the rambo mentality. For a rambo, there is no such thing as a burden and there is no humble attitude. However, having a moderately humble attitude towards life, realizing the burden and giving it up are very important on the path of self-realization. Both self-pity and the lack of it are ignorance, the acyclic path is somewhere in between.
Recently I've noticed lights flashing around me. This is nothing new, but what I haven't seen before .. lights flashing brighter (as if I were causing power surges in the grid). I guess it could also be my internal flame flashing, leaving the impression that it's the lights that go brighter for a split-second. Saw 2 orbs again today, both of them lifted from near my work desk and went towards the ceiling. One of them was especially bright.
With this focus on breath practice, my internal tension has been slowly decreasing. I've been feeling somewhat tired recently. Either several years of accumulated stress that is being released, or it could be that I've overworked for a week, about 14 hours of work each day (including the weekend).
Last night I had a rather familiar dream. Haven't seen those for quite a while. I had just finished work and found myself at school. We had been divided into pairs. Each pair would have to write down answers to the questions that the teacher asked. I was so tired that once the teacher finished a sentence, I had forgotten how it started. I knew I would be able to answer the questions but I simply couldn't, at least not in this state. Visited the toilet, fell asleep there. Eventually woke up and walked out. We had arrived on an island of some sort and everyone thought I had become lost and lagged behind. Teacher asked me to follow and started hiking up a slope. I tried to follow but eventually there was nothing I could grab from .. the dream ended.
A couple of nights ago I saw sister sleeping and mumbling through sleep. I replied something, which caused her to wake up into the same realm .. so she started describing how she has been, what sort of ideas she has had and so on.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Heavy focus
A bit of heavy focus practice happened today. Had stomach problems, so I focused on where it hurt, to release the energy and extract as much of it as I can, before visiting the toilet.
For a moment, I even saw a green flash of light released from one of these points as tension was released. The flash was so short that my brain barely registered it.
For a moment, I even saw a green flash of light released from one of these points as tension was released. The flash was so short that my brain barely registered it.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Dreamspree
Worked late.
Posted a lot of stuff to various forums.
Had a lot of dreams, regarding those forum posts.
Continued with work for most of the night in dreams.
I was at a fancy hotel of some sort, with friends. Tried to sneak behind the rocks at the seaside, so that my friend wouldn't see me from his room on the 5th floor .. just for fun. Walked around with friends, exploring the beach and stuff. Occasionally I used the environment for random training. There was a platform with a railing. At first I thought it's a bit too high for me to reach with that bulky backpack .. jumped anyway, grabbed from the railing, turned myself around and worked some muscles. I was amazed that although I hadn't visited the gym for years, without much effort I could raise my feet pretty high.
Anyway, we walked around some more. Entered some hostel or something. A guide showed us the rooms. One of the rooms was somewhat small .. and to me it seemed there would be cold at night during the winter.
Right when I thought that, I popped into a dark room somewhere. There was a weird furnace / lamp and an old lady, who came to fix it / crank it up. To me she looked careless. She looked as if she didn't quite understand what was going on but probably I was no better. Anyway, she took a replacement bulb and stuffed it into one of the 9 (at least) sockets. It lit up and I thought it was okay but she wasn't happy. She unscrewed the bulb again and put it into another socket (a "broken" one). The bulb didn't work very well there. She then took a plastic bottle with a metal cap, full of water. She put that into one of the sockets and cranked it up. Calmly, I said: "Don't do that!" I thought for sure that the water would vaporize and the bottle would blow up .. water simply isn't enough to cool that short-circuit.
So, she then tried to crank it down again .. but it didn't work. I tried and found that once I had turned the knob to 0 and released the knob, it went back to the value it had before (which was low-power - close to 0 but not quite). So, I figured I'd have to hold it at 0 until its self-sustaining effect was more-or-less extinguished.
However, from what happened before I switched it off, it was evident that I wasn't wiser than the old lady. The bottle did not blow up and water did not vaporize away. The bottle melted away but the vaporized water stayed in the socket, circling around. It resembled plasma and started glowing.
This furnace / lamp scene occurred twice and on both times the same happened.
Later I found myself at a table, drank some juice from a mug. Then someone poured vodka into the mug. Me: "Oh well," ::doesn't touch it, just leaves the dream::
Analysis: the same furnace / lamp theme, which I've seen before. It resembles the internal fire and the way I treat energy. On Shirak's forum, I had posted the following:
I saw some sort of a cartoon video .. icy fields and a couple of wolves. Or so I thought, because due to the way they had been drawn, it was difficult to tell what animals they were. Some time later they looked more like tigers. Then I guess I had been watching the video for long enough .. I was drawn in. At that point, the couple looked more like dragons. Anyway, they entered a tower. I was just .. there .. and tried to fill my time with something exciting. I noticed that the walls had a spiral of grooves and bumps, so I started climbing. After a couple of such circles around the wall, I looked down (slightly afraid that I might slip and fall down at some point) and realized I was climbing an analogy of Penrose stairs.
Anyway, the forum post was like this:
Analysis: Shapeshifting is not just about werewolves and weretigers, it's also more mythical creatures, like dragons, for example. It's likely that I have an affinity for dragons. Also, the danger is an illusion, as no matter how high I climb, I'm still at floor level. See M. C. Escher "Waterfall" for a classical example of the Penrose stairs idea.
Posted a lot of stuff to various forums.
Had a lot of dreams, regarding those forum posts.
Continued with work for most of the night in dreams.
I was at a fancy hotel of some sort, with friends. Tried to sneak behind the rocks at the seaside, so that my friend wouldn't see me from his room on the 5th floor .. just for fun. Walked around with friends, exploring the beach and stuff. Occasionally I used the environment for random training. There was a platform with a railing. At first I thought it's a bit too high for me to reach with that bulky backpack .. jumped anyway, grabbed from the railing, turned myself around and worked some muscles. I was amazed that although I hadn't visited the gym for years, without much effort I could raise my feet pretty high.
Anyway, we walked around some more. Entered some hostel or something. A guide showed us the rooms. One of the rooms was somewhat small .. and to me it seemed there would be cold at night during the winter.
Right when I thought that, I popped into a dark room somewhere. There was a weird furnace / lamp and an old lady, who came to fix it / crank it up. To me she looked careless. She looked as if she didn't quite understand what was going on but probably I was no better. Anyway, she took a replacement bulb and stuffed it into one of the 9 (at least) sockets. It lit up and I thought it was okay but she wasn't happy. She unscrewed the bulb again and put it into another socket (a "broken" one). The bulb didn't work very well there. She then took a plastic bottle with a metal cap, full of water. She put that into one of the sockets and cranked it up. Calmly, I said: "Don't do that!" I thought for sure that the water would vaporize and the bottle would blow up .. water simply isn't enough to cool that short-circuit.
So, she then tried to crank it down again .. but it didn't work. I tried and found that once I had turned the knob to 0 and released the knob, it went back to the value it had before (which was low-power - close to 0 but not quite). So, I figured I'd have to hold it at 0 until its self-sustaining effect was more-or-less extinguished.
However, from what happened before I switched it off, it was evident that I wasn't wiser than the old lady. The bottle did not blow up and water did not vaporize away. The bottle melted away but the vaporized water stayed in the socket, circling around. It resembled plasma and started glowing.
This furnace / lamp scene occurred twice and on both times the same happened.
Later I found myself at a table, drank some juice from a mug. Then someone poured vodka into the mug. Me: "Oh well," ::doesn't touch it, just leaves the dream::
Analysis: the same furnace / lamp theme, which I've seen before. It resembles the internal fire and the way I treat energy. On Shirak's forum, I had posted the following:
I've had my share of geisting, fear of geisting and unbearable energy intensity. I try to avoid pushing it (that I do very seldom). I try hard to keep control one step ahead of the intensity. However, my control seems to be developing very slowly (a lot of internal conflicts that I tend to get lost into).So, apparently I'm mistaken in what I said in this forum post. How can I expect to acquire control if I don't observe the effects? I should've observed what happens with the water, before rushing to sudo-kill the experiment. The fact that I managed to sudo-kill it, means that I do have control at minimum intensity but I'm not letting the intensity to follow my control.
I saw some sort of a cartoon video .. icy fields and a couple of wolves. Or so I thought, because due to the way they had been drawn, it was difficult to tell what animals they were. Some time later they looked more like tigers. Then I guess I had been watching the video for long enough .. I was drawn in. At that point, the couple looked more like dragons. Anyway, they entered a tower. I was just .. there .. and tried to fill my time with something exciting. I noticed that the walls had a spiral of grooves and bumps, so I started climbing. After a couple of such circles around the wall, I looked down (slightly afraid that I might slip and fall down at some point) and realized I was climbing an analogy of Penrose stairs.
Anyway, the forum post was like this:
Have you read this:
http://www.furnation.com/LanceFoxx/thesasebopshift.html
A friend is seriously interested in werewolves and has had an encounter with a weretiger.
Personally I know werewolves must be real but I'm too afraid to try it out myself. I think I'm more afraid of metamorphosis than phasing, teleporting or time travel. However, most likely my fears simply lack a solid foundation (probably sources from a book that was compulsory back in primary school). Perhaps after having a form for years, the body would default back to its original form .. unless something goes seriously wrong.
Analysis: Shapeshifting is not just about werewolves and weretigers, it's also more mythical creatures, like dragons, for example. It's likely that I have an affinity for dragons. Also, the danger is an illusion, as no matter how high I climb, I'm still at floor level. See M. C. Escher "Waterfall" for a classical example of the Penrose stairs idea.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Imprisoned
For the whole night I was stuck / imprisoned. I didn't have a good idea how to break out and escape.
The environment was like a designed dungeon with a lot of NPC's always watching every move. The population density of NPC's was always around a certain area. It would've seemed as if they were there to fight against .. but they were too strong for that. Also, they were only aggressive when I tried to enter the zone that they were protecting. Each time there was another person with me, looking for weak points in the environment.
After studying the environment (new environment each time), the only idea left was to practice astral travel. The only way out of the environment seemed to be without the dream body. However, my astral travels only last for a limited amount of time and after that I'm back to where I started.
Anyway, I sat down, meditated and flew through the wall. Fell down through several balconies, until I got attuned to the environment. Flew around between the buildings a little .. until I noticed a tree behind one of them. Flew over the building and towards the tree. Grabbed the tree and tried to feel it the best I could. The environment changed, the buildings disappeared and there was now a pretty landscape with sun shining through the trees. A depressed entity appeared. Had a chat with him, trying to cheer him up .. until I remembered the sad truth that I'm stuck myself, at which point I disappeared from there.
The environment was like a designed dungeon with a lot of NPC's always watching every move. The population density of NPC's was always around a certain area. It would've seemed as if they were there to fight against .. but they were too strong for that. Also, they were only aggressive when I tried to enter the zone that they were protecting. Each time there was another person with me, looking for weak points in the environment.
After studying the environment (new environment each time), the only idea left was to practice astral travel. The only way out of the environment seemed to be without the dream body. However, my astral travels only last for a limited amount of time and after that I'm back to where I started.
Anyway, I sat down, meditated and flew through the wall. Fell down through several balconies, until I got attuned to the environment. Flew around between the buildings a little .. until I noticed a tree behind one of them. Flew over the building and towards the tree. Grabbed the tree and tried to feel it the best I could. The environment changed, the buildings disappeared and there was now a pretty landscape with sun shining through the trees. A depressed entity appeared. Had a chat with him, trying to cheer him up .. until I remembered the sad truth that I'm stuck myself, at which point I disappeared from there.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
A faint glimpse at tummo
Yesterday evening my mind relaxed and I just touched the mirror with my mind, trying to feel it both as a liquid as well as a solid. Touched it tens of times before I lost interest in it.
Also noticed the sensation of tummo last night. Grabbed and focused on it. It was weak but the sensation was familiar (although I haven't gotten to practising tummo previously in this life). The sensation was very hot but at the same time moist (without this, the heat might damage the body). While focused on it, pain was being released from body parts that I thought were relaxed.
Probably leaped too far ahead with this tummo thing (still having blockages somewhere in the body), since I leaked a remarkable amount of energy later that night. Woke up but couldn't stop it, so I just waited until it stopped on its own, while trying to spread the remaining energy throughout the body.
Suddenly I started practising OBE from within the dreams, without even being lucid. I would just picture a random scene and fly in, trying to attune to the environment.
Today I became rather stressed at some point. Then somehow I took it back and turned it inside .. stress was gone in less than a split-second.
For the past few days I've been having a lot of flashbacks .. seeing the world from viewpoints that I wouldn't have been able to even imagine existed.
Also noticed the sensation of tummo last night. Grabbed and focused on it. It was weak but the sensation was familiar (although I haven't gotten to practising tummo previously in this life). The sensation was very hot but at the same time moist (without this, the heat might damage the body). While focused on it, pain was being released from body parts that I thought were relaxed.
Probably leaped too far ahead with this tummo thing (still having blockages somewhere in the body), since I leaked a remarkable amount of energy later that night. Woke up but couldn't stop it, so I just waited until it stopped on its own, while trying to spread the remaining energy throughout the body.
Suddenly I started practising OBE from within the dreams, without even being lucid. I would just picture a random scene and fly in, trying to attune to the environment.
Today I became rather stressed at some point. Then somehow I took it back and turned it inside .. stress was gone in less than a split-second.
For the past few days I've been having a lot of flashbacks .. seeing the world from viewpoints that I wouldn't have been able to even imagine existed.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Spontaneous happiness
For the past couple of days I've been focusing on releasing the habit of tension. Had to do it, because I got cold for pretty much whole Saturday and I know what happens if I don't release the tension during nor after that (that's illness and eventually death).
Yesterday I noticed that I felt at least 1.5x lighter and more agile than before. The root chakra region still feels sore. It's been sore for at least half a week or so.
Today I suddenly got waves of heat going up the body and found spontaneous happiness. Not much, but it made a difference. Also, everyone around me was more happy as well. Not much, but it had an impact.
Yesterday I noticed that I felt at least 1.5x lighter and more agile than before. The root chakra region still feels sore. It's been sore for at least half a week or so.
Today I suddenly got waves of heat going up the body and found spontaneous happiness. Not much, but it made a difference. Also, everyone around me was more happy as well. Not much, but it had an impact.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Succubus
Two nights ago I was attacked by a dozen succubus (wasn't familiar with the term before the dream). They were chasing me and clinging to my body, kissing, patting and stuff. This caused me to semi-consciously leak energy. Fled home but realized that I had built the house on the foundation of trust .. the door was always open. Well, it didn't matter much because they crawled in through all the windows and doors. Woke up to further my escape. When I woke up, half of my body was buzzing of energy.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Interleaved consciousness
Weird.
Dreams last night:
I guess there was a dream where I was at the summerhouse. Can't remember much about it, though .. other dreams shadowed the memory.
I associated myself with someone, whose uncle had stuck his nose where he shouldn't have. One evening he's in a blank-looking room, when a man with a revolver appears and shoots him dead. I popped into his apartment, to look for details as to who, what, why. Looked through the drawers and formed a pile of stuff that seemed of interest. Took the top-most (a dictophone), which then turned into a video camera where I saw the event with what was going on in his mind before the event. He knew the man was coming, most probably with a gun to eliminate him. Realized I wasn't alone in uncle's apartment. Looked around and found an old woman dusting the floor. An embarrassing moment, since I knew she wouldn't have seen me in the apartment before. However, she recognized me and accepted me as an old acquaintance. Both of us were without physical form. Anyway, as soon as I realized that uncle had been conscious about what was going to happen and accepted it as fate, I lost interest in the subject.
I woke up in a sleeping body on the bed. I was experiencing astral wind / OBE vibrations / something similar to "Dream research on conspiracy theories". Verified that the blanket was not twitching (this was the case in the aforementioned experience). Looked around in the dark room, no objects were twitching. Knowing I was detached from the body, I stood up next to the bed. Looked around and remembered what I had planned for the next time I would have an OBE. First I would try to determine what went wrong with the satellite experiment. When I thought of that, I noticed some boards on top of the o-scope. Semi-flew, semi-walked there and picked one of the boards. Heard father walking through the living room, towards the corridor. He was headed to a performance. Planned on waving and saying "bye", so I flew through the doorway into the living room and into the corridor. Waved but he didn't notice it. Tried to say "bye" but no sound was produced. Though, he somehow became aware of me and understood that I intended to wave and say "bye". So, I flew back into my room. Tried the satellite thing for a moment .. nothing. Figured I could unlock multiple achievements at once. So, I picked the next objective from my "to-do on obe" list. Attempted to take a full lotus pose while levitating, meditating and holding the board in my right hand. Couldn't do lotus pose while levitating very well. Took the farthest corner of the bed and tried to sit on the bed, while still trying to meditate while in OBE. As soon as I sat down on the bed, I guess I sort of woke up.
Father was still there. Anyway, I walked around the room and observed some objects. There was a camera that I was rather proud of having. Looked at it and it seemed complex and strange - it looked non-physical. I put it aside and the dream ended there.
I realized I was in a classroom and there were children singing. I did not know the lyrics. Attempted to sing, while reading the lips of a boy in front of me. Apparently he also didn't know the lyrics .. when the teacher questioned him, he pointed at me. The teacher looked at me. Feeling embarrassed, I apologized and said I didn't know the lyrics, nor did I even expect myself to be able to sing (it's more than 10 years since I participated in a choir). In the dream I was amazed at my voice while singing, but when I had to speak, I had trouble finding the proper note to speak in. The dream ended there, since I was out of time.
The next dream I'm on the bus back home. It's the bus where everyone is asleep, being transported back to their every-day awareness. There was a lady on the bus, checking the tickets. An old classmate was sitting in front of me. In a half-sleep state he complained it was too humid. The lady directed him to the back of the bus, where it was supposed to be better. I had been a regular customer and both I and the lady knew I had the ticket. However, I was unable to find it in time. There were a lot of old tickets ::alarm::
I wake up, feeling awkward. This is not the place I came from. Comparing to the memories of this body, I had quite different preferences (eating, timing, route to work, the way I thought, the way I spoke). I even wondered why the paper napkin was smaller than it used to be, why the phone was in the other pocket. The only music band that this body had in memory and that seemed close to my music taste was Soulfly, which I had listened to .. like in the 90's. This feeling awkward lasted for about 10 hours, then while walking back home, suddenly everything clicked in place again. A part of the consciousness is still mixed, but now at least I feel a lot more at home.
Dreams last night:
I guess there was a dream where I was at the summerhouse. Can't remember much about it, though .. other dreams shadowed the memory.
I associated myself with someone, whose uncle had stuck his nose where he shouldn't have. One evening he's in a blank-looking room, when a man with a revolver appears and shoots him dead. I popped into his apartment, to look for details as to who, what, why. Looked through the drawers and formed a pile of stuff that seemed of interest. Took the top-most (a dictophone), which then turned into a video camera where I saw the event with what was going on in his mind before the event. He knew the man was coming, most probably with a gun to eliminate him. Realized I wasn't alone in uncle's apartment. Looked around and found an old woman dusting the floor. An embarrassing moment, since I knew she wouldn't have seen me in the apartment before. However, she recognized me and accepted me as an old acquaintance. Both of us were without physical form. Anyway, as soon as I realized that uncle had been conscious about what was going to happen and accepted it as fate, I lost interest in the subject.
I woke up in a sleeping body on the bed. I was experiencing astral wind / OBE vibrations / something similar to "Dream research on conspiracy theories". Verified that the blanket was not twitching (this was the case in the aforementioned experience). Looked around in the dark room, no objects were twitching. Knowing I was detached from the body, I stood up next to the bed. Looked around and remembered what I had planned for the next time I would have an OBE. First I would try to determine what went wrong with the satellite experiment. When I thought of that, I noticed some boards on top of the o-scope. Semi-flew, semi-walked there and picked one of the boards. Heard father walking through the living room, towards the corridor. He was headed to a performance. Planned on waving and saying "bye", so I flew through the doorway into the living room and into the corridor. Waved but he didn't notice it. Tried to say "bye" but no sound was produced. Though, he somehow became aware of me and understood that I intended to wave and say "bye". So, I flew back into my room. Tried the satellite thing for a moment .. nothing. Figured I could unlock multiple achievements at once. So, I picked the next objective from my "to-do on obe" list. Attempted to take a full lotus pose while levitating, meditating and holding the board in my right hand. Couldn't do lotus pose while levitating very well. Took the farthest corner of the bed and tried to sit on the bed, while still trying to meditate while in OBE. As soon as I sat down on the bed, I guess I sort of woke up.
Father was still there. Anyway, I walked around the room and observed some objects. There was a camera that I was rather proud of having. Looked at it and it seemed complex and strange - it looked non-physical. I put it aside and the dream ended there.
I realized I was in a classroom and there were children singing. I did not know the lyrics. Attempted to sing, while reading the lips of a boy in front of me. Apparently he also didn't know the lyrics .. when the teacher questioned him, he pointed at me. The teacher looked at me. Feeling embarrassed, I apologized and said I didn't know the lyrics, nor did I even expect myself to be able to sing (it's more than 10 years since I participated in a choir). In the dream I was amazed at my voice while singing, but when I had to speak, I had trouble finding the proper note to speak in. The dream ended there, since I was out of time.
The next dream I'm on the bus back home. It's the bus where everyone is asleep, being transported back to their every-day awareness. There was a lady on the bus, checking the tickets. An old classmate was sitting in front of me. In a half-sleep state he complained it was too humid. The lady directed him to the back of the bus, where it was supposed to be better. I had been a regular customer and both I and the lady knew I had the ticket. However, I was unable to find it in time. There were a lot of old tickets ::alarm::
I wake up, feeling awkward. This is not the place I came from. Comparing to the memories of this body, I had quite different preferences (eating, timing, route to work, the way I thought, the way I spoke). I even wondered why the paper napkin was smaller than it used to be, why the phone was in the other pocket. The only music band that this body had in memory and that seemed close to my music taste was Soulfly, which I had listened to .. like in the 90's. This feeling awkward lasted for about 10 hours, then while walking back home, suddenly everything clicked in place again. A part of the consciousness is still mixed, but now at least I feel a lot more at home.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Golden-yellow spirals
Slept a lot and saw through closed eyelids again yesterday. Also, before falling asleep last night, I saw golden-yellow "clouds" coming from my head and spiralling towards the ceiling. Usually I have seen this during Trataka practice. This time it just happened on its own, so I observed it for as long as it lasted. Each time the "clouds" lifted from the left hemisphere first, then from the right. Once the spiral was at some distance from the head, it was easier to manipulate and form into shapes. However, I couldn't tell the distance very well, as it was shadowless and its transparency did not change. I could only judge distance by the time it took for the "cloud" to rise.
Also, before falling asleep, I saw a cave wall (too much Skyrim again?). The wall cracked open. From the depths, a high frequency sound was being emitted. The sound was not coherent and its frequency drifted occasionally. It had a similar effect as a binaural beat.
During the night, more energy was released but reflected back from some blockages. Put forth effort so that I wouldn't have a wet dream.
Also, before falling asleep, I saw a cave wall (too much Skyrim again?). The wall cracked open. From the depths, a high frequency sound was being emitted. The sound was not coherent and its frequency drifted occasionally. It had a similar effect as a binaural beat.
During the night, more energy was released but reflected back from some blockages. Put forth effort so that I wouldn't have a wet dream.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Sandbox Moon
Sometimes it seems as if I'm climbing the impossible. It almost seems hopeless, which I know is an artificial construct. Good .. found more internal conflicts that I can resolve. If it seems impossible, it means I just have a lot to learn and improve upon.
Focused on my observation of the conflict, while chatting with father. I didn't always pay attention at what I was saying or what father was responding. Eventually the discussion reached an area of great interest for me. With simple thought experiments and a new foundation of assumptions, we had somehow managed to "prove" microcosm and its connection / equality to the macrocosm. From that point onwards, psychokinesis and all the rest unfolded with a trivial syllogism. Very cool .. shall digest it a little and perhaps there will be a post about the theory.
I was inspired from the upcoming UK Moon mission and had a dream related to that.
I studied the Moon and I was shown different things about it. Not all of it made sense, though - it was all pretty abstract (a lot of symbolism) and not very lucid.
Anyway, I was shown different races, the regions that were under their control and management. A planar mapping of the Moon was before me, with tiled icons. The icons represented different races. The design of each icon gave off a distinct feeling of the behavioural pattern of the race.
I arrived at a crater somehow. Looked over the edge (I was very large or the Moon model was very small) and saw two crystals floating above the surface. One of the crystals was bluish white (more distant) and the other ruby red (closer to me). Both of the crystals were huge and floated by means of waving golden wings of sorts and both of them dated back to the Egyptian era, still present and operational. Two red laser beams connected the red crystal and the ground (there were probably some sort of structures there). As I tried to peek at what was on the ground there, the crystal noticed me and started moving one of the beams towards me .. I hid.
I was orbiting the Moon model (or slightly unrealistic looking Moon). I sort of wondered if it was possible to descend to the surface with a spiral orbit (approaching "the bright side" of the moon with very slow orbital maneuvres). The response was that it's possible but there are two peaks on the dark side of the moon, which are higher than the rest of the relief. The Moon model changed so that the two peaks became very obvious (protruded more than what would be physically possible - then again, probably most of the dream was presented in exaggerated visuals and feelings).
I want to perform a remote-viewing session on our current satellite. After that, I want to perform a pk session to release the "stuck experiment". There have been at least 3 different people hinting that this should be done. I, however, have doubts if I'm capable of pulling it off. Another good thing to learn and improve upon.
Focused on my observation of the conflict, while chatting with father. I didn't always pay attention at what I was saying or what father was responding. Eventually the discussion reached an area of great interest for me. With simple thought experiments and a new foundation of assumptions, we had somehow managed to "prove" microcosm and its connection / equality to the macrocosm. From that point onwards, psychokinesis and all the rest unfolded with a trivial syllogism. Very cool .. shall digest it a little and perhaps there will be a post about the theory.
I was inspired from the upcoming UK Moon mission and had a dream related to that.
I studied the Moon and I was shown different things about it. Not all of it made sense, though - it was all pretty abstract (a lot of symbolism) and not very lucid.
Anyway, I was shown different races, the regions that were under their control and management. A planar mapping of the Moon was before me, with tiled icons. The icons represented different races. The design of each icon gave off a distinct feeling of the behavioural pattern of the race.
I arrived at a crater somehow. Looked over the edge (I was very large or the Moon model was very small) and saw two crystals floating above the surface. One of the crystals was bluish white (more distant) and the other ruby red (closer to me). Both of the crystals were huge and floated by means of waving golden wings of sorts and both of them dated back to the Egyptian era, still present and operational. Two red laser beams connected the red crystal and the ground (there were probably some sort of structures there). As I tried to peek at what was on the ground there, the crystal noticed me and started moving one of the beams towards me .. I hid.
I was orbiting the Moon model (or slightly unrealistic looking Moon). I sort of wondered if it was possible to descend to the surface with a spiral orbit (approaching "the bright side" of the moon with very slow orbital maneuvres). The response was that it's possible but there are two peaks on the dark side of the moon, which are higher than the rest of the relief. The Moon model changed so that the two peaks became very obvious (protruded more than what would be physically possible - then again, probably most of the dream was presented in exaggerated visuals and feelings).
I want to perform a remote-viewing session on our current satellite. After that, I want to perform a pk session to release the "stuck experiment". There have been at least 3 different people hinting that this should be done. I, however, have doubts if I'm capable of pulling it off. Another good thing to learn and improve upon.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Wake up when you're already awake
Another exercise that I have performed occasionally. When you're awake, try to wake up even more. Visualize what it would feel like to be even more aware. After a while, this will cause a shift of focus / assemblage point.
Yesterday I looked up an old friend from the kindergarten and invited him to join a project.
Last night two dreams stood out.
In one of them, I was in service for 2 weeks with old classmates. Had a chat with Hyena (used to go to the gym together back when I had enough money to spend on it). Proposed to visit the gym in the evening, since I hadn't been to the gym for years and here it was free. Well, before the evening there was a physical exercise outside. I was waiting for a challenging exercise .. got one, which I wouldn't have been able to perform with just muscles. Focused on emptiness, entered a meditative state and stood there for as long as we were asked to. It was interesting, how in the meditative state in the dream, I heard myself humming in my mind at a low frequency. However, I wasn't doing it consciously .. it was like a deeper layer of subconscious that I was observing. Once the exercise was finished, I noticed that there had been another person (an old classmate), who performed the exercise till the end. He praised me and himself, which seemed a bit awkward.
In another dream, I was visiting the place of an old friend, looking around. In the dream, the family was a bit strange, because their faces did not match my memories. Also, the people there seemed to have taken the form of anyone that I saw on the photos. Some of them I knew couldn't even be there and yet they were, walking around and interacting. In addition to the people with form, there was someone there, whom I didn't see nor feel. They said I would meet a girl and have a child. I responded: "No .. what .. why?" Woke up and realized I had overcome my desire.
A while ago I said on Mark's forum that I have nothing against a wife and children, however, I would want to overcome the desire first. Oh well .. now I want to overcome the aversion.
Yesterday I looked up an old friend from the kindergarten and invited him to join a project.
Last night two dreams stood out.
In one of them, I was in service for 2 weeks with old classmates. Had a chat with Hyena (used to go to the gym together back when I had enough money to spend on it). Proposed to visit the gym in the evening, since I hadn't been to the gym for years and here it was free. Well, before the evening there was a physical exercise outside. I was waiting for a challenging exercise .. got one, which I wouldn't have been able to perform with just muscles. Focused on emptiness, entered a meditative state and stood there for as long as we were asked to. It was interesting, how in the meditative state in the dream, I heard myself humming in my mind at a low frequency. However, I wasn't doing it consciously .. it was like a deeper layer of subconscious that I was observing. Once the exercise was finished, I noticed that there had been another person (an old classmate), who performed the exercise till the end. He praised me and himself, which seemed a bit awkward.
In another dream, I was visiting the place of an old friend, looking around. In the dream, the family was a bit strange, because their faces did not match my memories. Also, the people there seemed to have taken the form of anyone that I saw on the photos. Some of them I knew couldn't even be there and yet they were, walking around and interacting. In addition to the people with form, there was someone there, whom I didn't see nor feel. They said I would meet a girl and have a child. I responded: "No .. what .. why?" Woke up and realized I had overcome my desire.
A while ago I said on Mark's forum that I have nothing against a wife and children, however, I would want to overcome the desire first. Oh well .. now I want to overcome the aversion.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Tension: simple and obvious
Quite a few moments of realization during the past days.
I realized something simple and obvious about how tension is formed and how geisting works .. how fear causes it to become worse. This is one of the mistakes that I made on the previous cycles.
Say a disturbing image pops up in the mind. Your adblocker reacts and closes it right away, or you try to move the annoying popup away so it wouldn't disturb the great peace emitting from the wallpaper. Each time you make the disturbing image go away, you invest energy in it. The more energy it has, the more it affects your state of mind when it reappears. Tension is the hole in the energy field, the hole from where you have taken the energy to make the popup go away. The more energy you have invested in the popup, the more tension you feel. Where there is tension, there will be illness. Anything with enough energy will manifest. So, if you keep pushing it away, it will manifest in some way or another.
Perhaps even a better example of its behaviour would be an object in your orbit. The more you push its apogee (most distant point on the orbit) further away from yourself, the more elliptic the orbit becomes and the more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee (closest point on the orbit). The more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee, the more it affects you.
Anyway, the idea is to observe the disturbing image as intensely as possible as early as possible. Because when you observe it before it has enough energy to manifest, you're safe from geisting it. With enough empty (thoughtless) observation, the image loses form, which is an exothermic process (emitting heat). If the mind image has already manifested in the material world, then it takes a lot of intensity, focus and observation to actually make it go away.
A few days ago I started using the following technique: I would focus on the top of my head until the point of focus becomes fixed enough (an anchor point). Then I would focus on a place in the body where there's tension and observe the place from the viewpoint of the anchor point. I would observe the tension as intensely as I can. Yesterday I meditated like this for about 30 minutes, during which, the body fell asleep once. Tension dissipated as heat.
Today I walked to the school building and found it too hot with the jacket. A T-shirt and a thin sweater was enough. An hour of walking and I didn't get cold. It was 2 *C in the sun and probably around -1 *C in the shadow. I noticed that since my mind had not been focused during the walk, no additional heat was produced. So, by the arrival, the reaction of my right palm had slowed down a bit but the usual feeling of cold just wasn't there. Perhaps for a split-second or two, it appeared but then dissipated again.
Also I recognized a pattern that has always been there throughout this life. I have constantly ignored and stepped away from project management. Until yesterday I realized that I was alone in the project and that the project is doomed unless I take the empty throne of project management. Focused on detachment from everything that I had grown fond of. Realized again how free I am and how many possibilities there are for doing something space-tech-related, which has been an obsession since birth. Realized I actually had no responsibilities that I had not taken with my free will. So far I've tried a lot of different things but no project leading or management.
Dreams have been very vivid recently and for the past 4 mornings, I have had total recall of the night's dreams. Though, during the day I have usually forgotten quite a bit about the dreams.
A few nights ago I had a dream where I wanted to climb to the top of the roof of the sauna building. Caspar went up from the other side of the building .. hadn't done that before. Tried it, but at some place I found I can't continue because all the supports are rotten and empty from the inside .. just shells. So, I just stood there for a while .. kind of wondering how come I'm not falling down. Jumped down and the alarm rang.
A couple of nights ago I had a dream where I looked into the mirror and all my 3 eyes were bloodshot and looked really tired.
Last night I had a dream where I just randomly took a building that was 3 storeys high, made a somarsault, leaped and started climbing. Since I hadn't used my muscles for a long time, I felt them becoming sore while climbing. However, the feeling was not real. I didn't put energy into it, just observed the sensation. I reached the roof in just a few seconds. I had wanted to climb the building before uncle opens the door and exits the nearby building and I actually managed to pull it off. I was amazed but more than that, I looked around and absorbed all the details in the surroundings.
I realized something simple and obvious about how tension is formed and how geisting works .. how fear causes it to become worse. This is one of the mistakes that I made on the previous cycles.
Say a disturbing image pops up in the mind. Your adblocker reacts and closes it right away, or you try to move the annoying popup away so it wouldn't disturb the great peace emitting from the wallpaper. Each time you make the disturbing image go away, you invest energy in it. The more energy it has, the more it affects your state of mind when it reappears. Tension is the hole in the energy field, the hole from where you have taken the energy to make the popup go away. The more energy you have invested in the popup, the more tension you feel. Where there is tension, there will be illness. Anything with enough energy will manifest. So, if you keep pushing it away, it will manifest in some way or another.
Perhaps even a better example of its behaviour would be an object in your orbit. The more you push its apogee (most distant point on the orbit) further away from yourself, the more elliptic the orbit becomes and the more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee (closest point on the orbit). The more kinetic energy the object has in the perigee, the more it affects you.
Anyway, the idea is to observe the disturbing image as intensely as possible as early as possible. Because when you observe it before it has enough energy to manifest, you're safe from geisting it. With enough empty (thoughtless) observation, the image loses form, which is an exothermic process (emitting heat). If the mind image has already manifested in the material world, then it takes a lot of intensity, focus and observation to actually make it go away.
A few days ago I started using the following technique: I would focus on the top of my head until the point of focus becomes fixed enough (an anchor point). Then I would focus on a place in the body where there's tension and observe the place from the viewpoint of the anchor point. I would observe the tension as intensely as I can. Yesterday I meditated like this for about 30 minutes, during which, the body fell asleep once. Tension dissipated as heat.
Today I walked to the school building and found it too hot with the jacket. A T-shirt and a thin sweater was enough. An hour of walking and I didn't get cold. It was 2 *C in the sun and probably around -1 *C in the shadow. I noticed that since my mind had not been focused during the walk, no additional heat was produced. So, by the arrival, the reaction of my right palm had slowed down a bit but the usual feeling of cold just wasn't there. Perhaps for a split-second or two, it appeared but then dissipated again.
Also I recognized a pattern that has always been there throughout this life. I have constantly ignored and stepped away from project management. Until yesterday I realized that I was alone in the project and that the project is doomed unless I take the empty throne of project management. Focused on detachment from everything that I had grown fond of. Realized again how free I am and how many possibilities there are for doing something space-tech-related, which has been an obsession since birth. Realized I actually had no responsibilities that I had not taken with my free will. So far I've tried a lot of different things but no project leading or management.
Dreams have been very vivid recently and for the past 4 mornings, I have had total recall of the night's dreams. Though, during the day I have usually forgotten quite a bit about the dreams.
A few nights ago I had a dream where I wanted to climb to the top of the roof of the sauna building. Caspar went up from the other side of the building .. hadn't done that before. Tried it, but at some place I found I can't continue because all the supports are rotten and empty from the inside .. just shells. So, I just stood there for a while .. kind of wondering how come I'm not falling down. Jumped down and the alarm rang.
A couple of nights ago I had a dream where I looked into the mirror and all my 3 eyes were bloodshot and looked really tired.
Last night I had a dream where I just randomly took a building that was 3 storeys high, made a somarsault, leaped and started climbing. Since I hadn't used my muscles for a long time, I felt them becoming sore while climbing. However, the feeling was not real. I didn't put energy into it, just observed the sensation. I reached the roof in just a few seconds. I had wanted to climb the building before uncle opens the door and exits the nearby building and I actually managed to pull it off. I was amazed but more than that, I looked around and absorbed all the details in the surroundings.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Mrs. young woman, old lady and an old man
Weird. Sister showed an interview.
The one being interviewed was apparently a woman. However, throughout the whole interview, I saw her as a young woman, an old lady and an old man. At some moments, she was the young woman, at some times, the old woman, at some times all three at once and so on.. the voice remained female, though.
Can't recall having seen anyone like that before.
The same thing with her / him talking about her experiences. For most of the part, it seemed as if she was telling the truth. Then, at some moments, it seemed as if she was telling something that the old man had convinced her of .. the old man was smirking while she told it, by the way.
Then there were also parts of the video clearly cut out. One of those cuts made the split personality very obvious.
Father was actually convinced she was a man.
The one being interviewed was apparently a woman. However, throughout the whole interview, I saw her as a young woman, an old lady and an old man. At some moments, she was the young woman, at some times, the old woman, at some times all three at once and so on.. the voice remained female, though.
Can't recall having seen anyone like that before.
The same thing with her / him talking about her experiences. For most of the part, it seemed as if she was telling the truth. Then, at some moments, it seemed as if she was telling something that the old man had convinced her of .. the old man was smirking while she told it, by the way.
Then there were also parts of the video clearly cut out. One of those cuts made the split personality very obvious.
Father was actually convinced she was a man.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Whispers
Slept a lot yesterday, because I've been skipping sleep too much recently.
Somewhere in a half-dream state, I heard whispers. Father was in the kitchen, sister was in the living-room and I heard her whispering. At first I thought she was trying to be quiet because I was asleep. Couldn't make out words and it seemed strange because there wasn't anyone else in the living-room.
One thought that came to mind while I was listening to that: perhaps I was hearing her internal chatter.
Somewhere in a half-dream state, I heard whispers. Father was in the kitchen, sister was in the living-room and I heard her whispering. At first I thought she was trying to be quiet because I was asleep. Couldn't make out words and it seemed strange because there wasn't anyone else in the living-room.
One thought that came to mind while I was listening to that: perhaps I was hearing her internal chatter.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Self-mastery mod for Skyrim?
Forgot to write about this in the previous post.
Related to Skyrim. Found that it had so many conflicts and mistakes in the game design. The atmosphere (graphics, music, map layout) is well suited for a game that would improve player's self awareness. It's just so calm and beautiful .. would like to just sit and observe without thoughts nor actions. However, the AI, quest designers and dialogue writers have missed it entirely. Almost all beings treat the player as if he/she posed a threat to their life - this is not how it works in the nature. In the nature, a being attacks you only if they see no other way to protect either themselves or their nest. Nature respects its inhabitants and its inhabitants are expected to do the same. The graphics and music portrays this, in my opinion, but the animals and people living in the environment don't follow the law .. they look really artificial and dumb, when compared to their atmosphere (a tree, a rock, a butterfly). Also, when there's a quest where a wise old man or spirit is involved, they usually speak rubbish instead of wisdom. The rubbish has been tampered with, to confuse the player so that they would think there's at least some truth to what the wise old man is saying. There are at least thousands of deep stories and wise quotes on the internet, waiting to be put to good use ..
.. which brought me and a friend to the idea of game development again. We shared some ideas, but in the end nothing seemed just right. It takes tough algorithms to extract player's psychology, look for flaws and auto-generate game content that would show ways to improve themselves. Also, how many people would actually like to play something that only serves the reason of being frustrating to play?
Before falling asleep, I found myself in a very simple game environment. I was in a bubble of pitch black darkness. Since it was completely dark, my mind started synthesizing all sorts of colorful images there, to fill the void which it considered uncomfortable. Symmetry had been designed into the bubble so that these images were slightly distorted and mirrored around. This made it easier to detect and realize the thoughts and images that my own mind was projecting. So simple, promotes self-mastery and is really fun to play with.
Related to Skyrim. Found that it had so many conflicts and mistakes in the game design. The atmosphere (graphics, music, map layout) is well suited for a game that would improve player's self awareness. It's just so calm and beautiful .. would like to just sit and observe without thoughts nor actions. However, the AI, quest designers and dialogue writers have missed it entirely. Almost all beings treat the player as if he/she posed a threat to their life - this is not how it works in the nature. In the nature, a being attacks you only if they see no other way to protect either themselves or their nest. Nature respects its inhabitants and its inhabitants are expected to do the same. The graphics and music portrays this, in my opinion, but the animals and people living in the environment don't follow the law .. they look really artificial and dumb, when compared to their atmosphere (a tree, a rock, a butterfly). Also, when there's a quest where a wise old man or spirit is involved, they usually speak rubbish instead of wisdom. The rubbish has been tampered with, to confuse the player so that they would think there's at least some truth to what the wise old man is saying. There are at least thousands of deep stories and wise quotes on the internet, waiting to be put to good use ..
.. which brought me and a friend to the idea of game development again. We shared some ideas, but in the end nothing seemed just right. It takes tough algorithms to extract player's psychology, look for flaws and auto-generate game content that would show ways to improve themselves. Also, how many people would actually like to play something that only serves the reason of being frustrating to play?
Before falling asleep, I found myself in a very simple game environment. I was in a bubble of pitch black darkness. Since it was completely dark, my mind started synthesizing all sorts of colorful images there, to fill the void which it considered uncomfortable. Symmetry had been designed into the bubble so that these images were slightly distorted and mirrored around. This made it easier to detect and realize the thoughts and images that my own mind was projecting. So simple, promotes self-mastery and is really fun to play with.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Waves, shadows in the darkness
Walked to the bus stop in the darkness yesterday. Felt something squiggle under my foot when a bus drove past me. I suspect I might've stepped on a snake.
Saw waves of psi in the darkness. As my mind interacted with the waves, some filaments of light formed when the psi became denser. ::a car whooshes by::it takes me some time for the eyes to get used to the darkness again, until I start seeing the waves again::
Focused on the visualization of warm and bright hyperspace, in attempt to work around the issue that it was somewhat cold at the bus stop.
Right .. I also saw a shadow indoors, in the darkness. I thought it was mine, until it went past me and I sensed the smell of sour milk. Well, I was walking through the canteen but I had gone through it several times that day and didn't detect any smell before nor after.
Last night I had dreams that were different from the previous ones. There was a lot of green everywhere and there was something about its symmetry that emanated through everything. I think I observed Michael Grubb and his gang in one of the dreams (very faint recollection about that one). There were several moments of self-realization throughout the day and dreams also. I think I realized something about the sacred geometry and how it applies to the flow of psi. Though, in the last dreams I was pursued by some sort of robots .. too much Skyrim during the weekend?
Somewhere from the depths of my mind I vaguely remember having been taught how the Euclideon graphics engine works. All I can remember now is how simple and logical it all seemed.
Recently I've been feeling the wobbling of the space-time again, in addition to the feeling that something is slowly burning away inside. At times I've been feeling lightweight as well.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Recapitulation
That same book reminded me one of my old practises. Castaneda called it recapitulation. The idea is to observe the reflections of the past in the mind, without interacting with them .. just observe, until they disintegrate on their own.
Practised recapitulation on the knots that I had put away in the chest (around the heart chakra). Continued with it for as long as I can remember before falling asleep. Got bored of sleep but found myself tired .. later realized that I had a pk hangover (too much psi through the head) as well.
I was so broke that I couldn't commute to work. Walked for 1.5 hours, finally woke up after 45 minutes of walking =D. Quite a bit of synchronicity. Walked back, checked the bank account (they had transferred) and took a bus to work. Stumbled a lot on the bus. For some reason, for me the step didn't exist. I stumbled on it several times before I realized it's there. Although I had nothing to hold on to, I didn't fall, I just kept on stumbling.. Strange.
Yesterday I found that something is different and my point of view has changed a little.
Practised recapitulation on the knots that I had put away in the chest (around the heart chakra). Continued with it for as long as I can remember before falling asleep. Got bored of sleep but found myself tired .. later realized that I had a pk hangover (too much psi through the head) as well.
I was so broke that I couldn't commute to work. Walked for 1.5 hours, finally woke up after 45 minutes of walking =D. Quite a bit of synchronicity. Walked back, checked the bank account (they had transferred) and took a bus to work. Stumbled a lot on the bus. For some reason, for me the step didn't exist. I stumbled on it several times before I realized it's there. Although I had nothing to hold on to, I didn't fall, I just kept on stumbling.. Strange.
Yesterday I found that something is different and my point of view has changed a little.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Death and life, formation of galaxies
The focus on the constant has had a profound effect. This seems to be somewhat more efficient than what I did years ago.
I felt very different today. A warm day (13 *C). Walked past the channel today. Touched the cold water with my palms. Had an urge to walk the cold grass and puddles barefoot. Did so and enjoyed it a lot .. until it got cold for the feet.
Though, sometimes I felt stressed again today, apparently for no reason.
Continued reading..
This made me realize something. Haven't thought about it that way before.
Another one that made me realize something:
Wow .. wouldn't want to quote the whole book here, although it would be worth it. =D
Wow, this goes very well with Billy Meier's descriptions of how a spaceship enters hyperspace. It also goes very well with Nassim Haramein's lectures on black holes and the way that the universe is growing and shrinking at the same time (nagual to tonal and vice versa?).
I felt very different today. A warm day (13 *C). Walked past the channel today. Touched the cold water with my palms. Had an urge to walk the cold grass and puddles barefoot. Did so and enjoyed it a lot .. until it got cold for the feet.
Though, sometimes I felt stressed again today, apparently for no reason.
Continued reading..
"But there is one group of human beings who have been able to face that fear. As opposed to ordinary people, sorcerers eagerly seek out any situation that will take them beyond social interpretations. What better opportunity than their own extinction! Thanks to their frequent excursions into the unknown, they know that death is not natural; it is~ Armando Torres, Encounters with the Nagual
magical. Natural things are subject to laws, but death is not. To die is always a personal event, and for that sole reason,' it is an act of power.
This made me realize something. Haven't thought about it that way before.
Another one that made me realize something:
Life is formed when a portion of the free energy of infinity - which the old seers called 'the emanations of the Eagle' - is encapsulated by an external force, becoming a new individual being, aware of himself. And they saw that the perception of the world happens when something they called 'the assemblage point of perception' comes into play.~ Armando Torres, Encounters with the Nagual
Wow .. wouldn't want to quote the whole book here, although it would be worth it. =D
Continuing their observations, they saw that the act of galactic creation happens when the cosmic darkness contracts itself, and from it arises an explosion of light, a spark that expands, giving origin to the order of time and space. The law of this order is that things always have an end, which again implies that the unique and perennial principle of the universe is the dark energy; feminine, creative, and eternal.~ Armando Torres, Encounters with the Nagual
Wow, this goes very well with Billy Meier's descriptions of how a spaceship enters hyperspace. It also goes very well with Nassim Haramein's lectures on black holes and the way that the universe is growing and shrinking at the same time (nagual to tonal and vice versa?).
Monday, October 27, 2014
Focus on the infinite
Enjoyed a chat with Hyena yesterday evening.
One of the dreams stood out. Me and Hyena were next to the barn at the summerhouse .. meditating on a carpet. At some moment, a person appeared and said he was a Peruvian and had bought some wheat nearby. In any case, he expressed his wish to sit on the carpet with us. It took me some effort to speak, so I tried to speak as little as possible .. just said "Yes" to indicate that I would be glad to share the carpet with him. He asked me to remember and keep my promise. We made room for him. He respected us and we respected him. He looked like an old master from thousands of years ago, which amplified my respect.
Stayed late at work today. Walked to the bus stop in pitch black. I was fascinated.
Picked up an old meditation method that I had occasionally used. Focused on the constant that permeates everything. Visualized it, based on Billy Meier's descriptions of Hyperspace as well as from my own experience with the all-encompassing light. Thanks to this, I started to feel the surroundings better.
One of the dreams stood out. Me and Hyena were next to the barn at the summerhouse .. meditating on a carpet. At some moment, a person appeared and said he was a Peruvian and had bought some wheat nearby. In any case, he expressed his wish to sit on the carpet with us. It took me some effort to speak, so I tried to speak as little as possible .. just said "Yes" to indicate that I would be glad to share the carpet with him. He asked me to remember and keep my promise. We made room for him. He respected us and we respected him. He looked like an old master from thousands of years ago, which amplified my respect.
Stayed late at work today. Walked to the bus stop in pitch black. I was fascinated.
Picked up an old meditation method that I had occasionally used. Focused on the constant that permeates everything. Visualized it, based on Billy Meier's descriptions of Hyperspace as well as from my own experience with the all-encompassing light. Thanks to this, I started to feel the surroundings better.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Ergo Proxy
Watched Ergo Proxy. I really enjoyed the existentialism, the ideas and thought-experiments. It's a masterpiece.
Hyena shared a few audio-logs of "Armando Torres - Encounters with the Nagual". The pdf is here:
http://thetoltecpath.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/nagual.pdf
Previously I hadn't understood Castaneda much, because his choice of terms seemed .. wrong. However, through Armando Torres, it started making sense to me. It reminds me of my own methods and ideology a few years ago.
Hyena shared a few audio-logs of "Armando Torres - Encounters with the Nagual". The pdf is here:
http://thetoltecpath.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/nagual.pdf
Previously I hadn't understood Castaneda much, because his choice of terms seemed .. wrong. However, through Armando Torres, it started making sense to me. It reminds me of my own methods and ideology a few years ago.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Want to do everything and nothing at the same time
Around 5 hours of sleep for 2 consecutive nights.
Visited Aalto in Finland. Strong cold wind and yellow leaves.
Peeked into the mind of a pregnant woman twice. First time she turned around and looked at me, I thought she actually looked somewhere else. The second attempt confirmed that she was aware of my attempts.
Pushed a project hard (for 2 days and nights, I worked on digging out the issues and arguing with people in my mind), because it wasn't moving previously.
Now I feel a desire to do something but nothing seems to be the object of desire. I want something mystical, entertaining but there aren't any video games, anime, books that I want to play / watch / read. I want something spiritual but meditation or concentration practice doesn't feel like it. Psychokinesis seems close but I don't see a reason to practice that, either. It has to be done regularly anyway. I know .. I just want to be, which I don't know how to do. And it doesn't feel quite right, either - because I ate late and that's blocking the flow of psi again. Even though I'm tired, it's too early to go to sleep, too.
Visited Aalto in Finland. Strong cold wind and yellow leaves.
Peeked into the mind of a pregnant woman twice. First time she turned around and looked at me, I thought she actually looked somewhere else. The second attempt confirmed that she was aware of my attempts.
Pushed a project hard (for 2 days and nights, I worked on digging out the issues and arguing with people in my mind), because it wasn't moving previously.
Now I feel a desire to do something but nothing seems to be the object of desire. I want something mystical, entertaining but there aren't any video games, anime, books that I want to play / watch / read. I want something spiritual but meditation or concentration practice doesn't feel like it. Psychokinesis seems close but I don't see a reason to practice that, either. It has to be done regularly anyway. I know .. I just want to be, which I don't know how to do. And it doesn't feel quite right, either - because I ate late and that's blocking the flow of psi again. Even though I'm tired, it's too early to go to sleep, too.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Lucid dream: two schools and a hallway
After yet another wet dream I've started to cut my eating habits so that I would digest food before eating again (won't eat until I feel hunger). From large portions 3 times a day I've gone to 2 small portions per day.
Yesterday evening I went to bed early, feeling love radiating from the consciousness. Though, as I laid down in bed, I got the spontaneous fear-visualization of myself being stabbed again. Just let it happen without it damaging any organs, then occasionally played pranks on the knives - visualized them becoming liquid inside the body, visualized them becoming blunt and curvy. At some moment it just disappeared. I wonder what's causing this - an entity of some sort? Anyway, I think it pictures very well the reason why I was born with the fear of sharp corners and edges - might've been stabbed in some past-life?
Had a lucid dream where I visited one university (forgot the name), then made a hallway from there to another. Father came home, went to bed .. invited him into the dream to show him Cambridge (the place that a physics & math genius friend went to). Me and father stepped into a random classroom. Knowing it was just a dream, father wanted to say something. I signalled for him not to, because even though we weren't really interacting with other people there, we caused the minds of the people to wander. Looked around, spotted a small table with a few books on it. One of the books was about the history of science or something. I think father disappeared. I stayed there, scattered throughout the minds of the people. Followed them to a dorm. Most of the people weren't aware of me. One of them was. He gave me chocolate and stayed up late-r than the others. All of them had fallen asleep .. I snuck back to the other side of the hallway between schools, straight into the dorm over there. Somehow I had associated myself with a room there.
The room was white. There was barely anything there .. except for the yellow leaves that had flown in through the open windows. There was a storm outside. I went to the windows and closed them. Got a bit puzzled with the last one - it didn't want to stay shut, so I had to invent something there. The windows were a bit awkward .. they were curved and opened upside-down (when compared to the windows we have at home). Anyway, after closing the windows, I disappeared back to body. As I did so, the voice of a girl from behind me: "No! I want you .." Weird.
The next dream I was flying down the stairs, towards a tunnel of darkness. An old friend was standing in front of the darkness there. I had been visiting that place pretty often, actually, but this time was different. Someone else caught me halfway there and said it was dangerous and that even my friend wasn't there today. Something happened..
Bam .. I'm in one of those boring low-grade dreams. I'm in the body of a creature a bit similar to smeagol. The body could climb well and was pretty fast. I had my place somewhere in the attic of the building, which took some climbing. I was visiting a couple of merchant "mutants" a couple of storeys down. A dangerous monster had gotten loose. The monster could only see distortions of the electromagnetic field. Fled into a small metal storage box (faraday cage) inside the wall and closed it. Broke all the lamps inside. The monster missed me. By the time I came out, the others had gotten rid of the monster and offered some of the loot for me (some sort of leftovers, basically). I happily took the leftovers and climbed back up to my stash.
Yesterday evening I went to bed early, feeling love radiating from the consciousness. Though, as I laid down in bed, I got the spontaneous fear-visualization of myself being stabbed again. Just let it happen without it damaging any organs, then occasionally played pranks on the knives - visualized them becoming liquid inside the body, visualized them becoming blunt and curvy. At some moment it just disappeared. I wonder what's causing this - an entity of some sort? Anyway, I think it pictures very well the reason why I was born with the fear of sharp corners and edges - might've been stabbed in some past-life?
Had a lucid dream where I visited one university (forgot the name), then made a hallway from there to another. Father came home, went to bed .. invited him into the dream to show him Cambridge (the place that a physics & math genius friend went to). Me and father stepped into a random classroom. Knowing it was just a dream, father wanted to say something. I signalled for him not to, because even though we weren't really interacting with other people there, we caused the minds of the people to wander. Looked around, spotted a small table with a few books on it. One of the books was about the history of science or something. I think father disappeared. I stayed there, scattered throughout the minds of the people. Followed them to a dorm. Most of the people weren't aware of me. One of them was. He gave me chocolate and stayed up late-r than the others. All of them had fallen asleep .. I snuck back to the other side of the hallway between schools, straight into the dorm over there. Somehow I had associated myself with a room there.
The room was white. There was barely anything there .. except for the yellow leaves that had flown in through the open windows. There was a storm outside. I went to the windows and closed them. Got a bit puzzled with the last one - it didn't want to stay shut, so I had to invent something there. The windows were a bit awkward .. they were curved and opened upside-down (when compared to the windows we have at home). Anyway, after closing the windows, I disappeared back to body. As I did so, the voice of a girl from behind me: "No! I want you .." Weird.
The next dream I was flying down the stairs, towards a tunnel of darkness. An old friend was standing in front of the darkness there. I had been visiting that place pretty often, actually, but this time was different. Someone else caught me halfway there and said it was dangerous and that even my friend wasn't there today. Something happened..
Bam .. I'm in one of those boring low-grade dreams. I'm in the body of a creature a bit similar to smeagol. The body could climb well and was pretty fast. I had my place somewhere in the attic of the building, which took some climbing. I was visiting a couple of merchant "mutants" a couple of storeys down. A dangerous monster had gotten loose. The monster could only see distortions of the electromagnetic field. Fled into a small metal storage box (faraday cage) inside the wall and closed it. Broke all the lamps inside. The monster missed me. By the time I came out, the others had gotten rid of the monster and offered some of the loot for me (some sort of leftovers, basically). I happily took the leftovers and climbed back up to my stash.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Fear of semi-subconscious visualzations
The bonfire night was very good. Continued to discuss stuff with father back at home. The main point of the discussion was about some fears that I've been having.
When I hear someone talking about something, I know I'm semi-subconsciously creating a construct / visualization of what they are talking about. However, when people are talking about a virus for example, then I'm afraid of creating the construct .. because it will be dangerous, right? Anyway, so far I have usually destroyed the construct before it has even taken its form. So many stray thoughts have materialized that I try to avoid giving birth to destructive stray thoughts.
With this kind of approach, I wouldn't learn the nature of the virus (the only way would be getting infected with it) .. so it's not healthier or safer to flee from what I could learn from it. Instead, I should study the construct for as long as I need, while observing the weaknesses or placing loopholes into the design, to easily destroy the construct afterwards.
At some moment we realized it was around 3.15 AM already.
Jahara on Mark Mauvais' forum shared a link to a breatharian forum (people who live without eating or drinking): http://forum.breatharian.info/
In one of my dreams, I found a web-page that defined breatharianism and mentioned that one of the prerequisites is the ability to control the thickness and fluidity of psi .. and blood, too. I know I have been having issues with this, because I eat a lot and usually don't drink much.
In the dream, I wondered how one would control it. Found myself in the kitchen, chatting with father again. Noticed a weird reflection of the clock in front of me. Somehow the clock reflection was projected through me so that I saw it in front of me and the effect was dependent on where I was positioned. Anyway, as I looked at the reflection, it transformed into a circular symbol of some sort. Started looking for my camera to take a photo so that I could look up all the details later. Couldn't.
The next moment we're living in an ice castle that's sticking out from a cliff. It's melting because there's water from the top of the cliff coming down a wall. The castle was going to collapse soon if I didn't fix it somehow. I tried to get rid of the water somehow, which made matters even worse and collapsed the whole thing. ":undo" and tried again. Had the "brilliant" idea of putting cement into the water.
Woke up to "facepalm" a few times. Went back to sleep.
Another dream. Woke up at the summerhouse. The place was similar but not exactly the same. The ceiling was way too low for me. While crawling out of the bed, my head pressed strong against the wooden ceiling. Complained. Aunt told "perhaps hitting your head against the ceiling hard enough would help." Me: "Yeah right.." Observed a conflict between two of the kids at the summerhouse.
When I hear someone talking about something, I know I'm semi-subconsciously creating a construct / visualization of what they are talking about. However, when people are talking about a virus for example, then I'm afraid of creating the construct .. because it will be dangerous, right? Anyway, so far I have usually destroyed the construct before it has even taken its form. So many stray thoughts have materialized that I try to avoid giving birth to destructive stray thoughts.
With this kind of approach, I wouldn't learn the nature of the virus (the only way would be getting infected with it) .. so it's not healthier or safer to flee from what I could learn from it. Instead, I should study the construct for as long as I need, while observing the weaknesses or placing loopholes into the design, to easily destroy the construct afterwards.
At some moment we realized it was around 3.15 AM already.
Jahara on Mark Mauvais' forum shared a link to a breatharian forum (people who live without eating or drinking): http://forum.breatharian.info/
In one of my dreams, I found a web-page that defined breatharianism and mentioned that one of the prerequisites is the ability to control the thickness and fluidity of psi .. and blood, too. I know I have been having issues with this, because I eat a lot and usually don't drink much.
In the dream, I wondered how one would control it. Found myself in the kitchen, chatting with father again. Noticed a weird reflection of the clock in front of me. Somehow the clock reflection was projected through me so that I saw it in front of me and the effect was dependent on where I was positioned. Anyway, as I looked at the reflection, it transformed into a circular symbol of some sort. Started looking for my camera to take a photo so that I could look up all the details later. Couldn't.
The next moment we're living in an ice castle that's sticking out from a cliff. It's melting because there's water from the top of the cliff coming down a wall. The castle was going to collapse soon if I didn't fix it somehow. I tried to get rid of the water somehow, which made matters even worse and collapsed the whole thing. ":undo" and tried again. Had the "brilliant" idea of putting cement into the water.
Woke up to "facepalm" a few times. Went back to sleep.
Another dream. Woke up at the summerhouse. The place was similar but not exactly the same. The ceiling was way too low for me. While crawling out of the bed, my head pressed strong against the wooden ceiling. Complained. Aunt told "perhaps hitting your head against the ceiling hard enough would help." Me: "Yeah right.." Observed a conflict between two of the kids at the summerhouse.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Another flying dream
A couple of nights ago I had a strange dream. Observed a couple of astronauts training back in 60's or something. Had some serious medical training with them.
Last night I had another flying dream. Found myself floating above the street, a couple of blocks away. I was observing the trees. Noticed that some of the branches were very close to the power lines. As soon as I thought that, the tree branches started quickly growing around the power lines.
Ok, going for a bonfire night with people.
Last night I had another flying dream. Found myself floating above the street, a couple of blocks away. I was observing the trees. Noticed that some of the branches were very close to the power lines. As soon as I thought that, the tree branches started quickly growing around the power lines.
Ok, going for a bonfire night with people.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Astral wind
Attempted to release some old shields before I fell asleep.
Had a flying OBE. I don't know the place I was flying around at, but it looked like a park with trees in a row to my right and left. I was floating above the road, moving forward. I had form and didn't have 360 degrees sight. I was flying in a bubble of sorts, with a hooded cape. In the bubble, everything was silent. A little later I decided I can continue without the shield and lowered the hood .. the bubble disappeared and the storm was going through me with loud noise and vibrations (like the typical astral wind). Said: "Awesome!" .. my voice came out as a whisper that was muffled in the noise and vibrations of the environment.
Woke a bit tired. Walked to the school building for a couple of meetings. Walked back and felt quite tired for some reason. Took a nap of 2 hours.
Since now the school building is farther away, it takes about 1.5 hours to walk there. That's a lot of time and I would like to use it for meditation but so far I haven't been able to do that .. need to improve my concentration a lot, in order to meditate while walking through the town.
Had a flying OBE. I don't know the place I was flying around at, but it looked like a park with trees in a row to my right and left. I was floating above the road, moving forward. I had form and didn't have 360 degrees sight. I was flying in a bubble of sorts, with a hooded cape. In the bubble, everything was silent. A little later I decided I can continue without the shield and lowered the hood .. the bubble disappeared and the storm was going through me with loud noise and vibrations (like the typical astral wind). Said: "Awesome!" .. my voice came out as a whisper that was muffled in the noise and vibrations of the environment.
Woke a bit tired. Walked to the school building for a couple of meetings. Walked back and felt quite tired for some reason. Took a nap of 2 hours.
Since now the school building is farther away, it takes about 1.5 hours to walk there. That's a lot of time and I would like to use it for meditation but so far I haven't been able to do that .. need to improve my concentration a lot, in order to meditate while walking through the town.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Captret
Browsed around on JLN Labs page yesterday evening and found ibpointless2's Captret:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQJZs6tlj_Y
I was amazed. Basically the simplest zero-point energy generator is an electrolytic capacitor.
There's a tutorial with schematics on the JLN Labs page (in French):
http://jnaudin.free.fr/captret/index.htm
Blew the thick dust off my mighty breadboard. I didn't have any 9 V batteries laying around, so I took 4 dead AA batteries that totalled up to 2.78 V or so. Took a 22 uF 16 V cap and a 3.3 V LED. Put it together at t0.
Measured the batteries the next morning (t0 + 9 hours) .. still 2.78 V.
Measured the batteries just a few minutes ago (t0 + 20 hours) .. 2.86 V.
Very cool. The LED still isn't lit yet .. but it probably will be. In the meanwhile, bought a couple of the cheapest (lowest mAh) 9 V batteries. Should order some supercaps and try charging these, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQJZs6tlj_Y
I was amazed. Basically the simplest zero-point energy generator is an electrolytic capacitor.
There's a tutorial with schematics on the JLN Labs page (in French):
http://jnaudin.free.fr/captret/index.htm
Blew the thick dust off my mighty breadboard. I didn't have any 9 V batteries laying around, so I took 4 dead AA batteries that totalled up to 2.78 V or so. Took a 22 uF 16 V cap and a 3.3 V LED. Put it together at t0.
Measured the batteries the next morning (t0 + 9 hours) .. still 2.78 V.
Measured the batteries just a few minutes ago (t0 + 20 hours) .. 2.86 V.
Very cool. The LED still isn't lit yet .. but it probably will be. In the meanwhile, bought a couple of the cheapest (lowest mAh) 9 V batteries. Should order some supercaps and try charging these, too.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Workplace - home of dreams?
In Italy, guys in the Estonians group started asking each other about their home of dreams.
These guys dreamt of a villa full of naked girls. One of them also fancied a tower.
Eventually it was my turn. I described some of the details from a visualization that I made perhaps 7 years ago. A three-storeyed building in the forest. It has mechanics and electronics labs on the first floor. There's a tower with a telescope. The living room has walls made of glass. Then there's a dome cinema on top of the building.
I hadn't realized the similarity before. But indeed, I'm working in an observatory that was renovated a couple of years ago. It's close to the forest, it has a tower, it has three storeys, it has mechanics and electronics labs on the first floor. On the roof, there's a dome .. no cinema, though. Also, the design of the atrium is very very similar to what I had in mind for the living room. The only difference is that in the observatory atrium, there's a satellite model hanging from the roof. In the observatory, the bedroom is on the 3rd floor. In my visualization, it was on the second. In my visualization there was a cellar floor also, with sunlight mirrors at window places - this is also missing at the observatory. Also, the exterior design is pretty much the same - same colors, similar ribs for details.
And several years ago I occasionally made jokes about sleeping at work without going home for the night.
These guys dreamt of a villa full of naked girls. One of them also fancied a tower.
Eventually it was my turn. I described some of the details from a visualization that I made perhaps 7 years ago. A three-storeyed building in the forest. It has mechanics and electronics labs on the first floor. There's a tower with a telescope. The living room has walls made of glass. Then there's a dome cinema on top of the building.
- The other guys: "Dude, you're working there!"
- Me: "What? No.. Wait a minute .. you're right."
- The other guys: "One day you'll walk up to the director, open a briefcase full of money and say: 'It's my home now. You can continue your work.' and then walk around like a boss in pijamas or something."
I hadn't realized the similarity before. But indeed, I'm working in an observatory that was renovated a couple of years ago. It's close to the forest, it has a tower, it has three storeys, it has mechanics and electronics labs on the first floor. On the roof, there's a dome .. no cinema, though. Also, the design of the atrium is very very similar to what I had in mind for the living room. The only difference is that in the observatory atrium, there's a satellite model hanging from the roof. In the observatory, the bedroom is on the 3rd floor. In my visualization, it was on the second. In my visualization there was a cellar floor also, with sunlight mirrors at window places - this is also missing at the observatory. Also, the exterior design is pretty much the same - same colors, similar ribs for details.
And several years ago I occasionally made jokes about sleeping at work without going home for the night.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
3rd eye heat
Focused on the 3rd eye yesterday evening. Waves of heat were released.
In the dreams I played video games all night. Woke tired.
Today morning it was warm outside and it was foggy.
Also, I have been attracting dogs recently.
In the dreams I played video games all night. Woke tired.
Today morning it was warm outside and it was foggy.
Also, I have been attracting dogs recently.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Ego was hit
My ego wants to be perfect.
Today an accident happened, so that when I came back to my laptop (still rather new), I noticed that there was a scratch - a few pixels ripped out. I don't know if it was me or my colleague, who was also there. But it doesn't matter .. it was an accident in any case and we both were feeling bad about it.
So, here's the problem. My ego can no longer be perfect because it has a flaw that it can't fix. Moreover, no matter how hard it tries, it can't find the mistake that led to the consequence. It has been perfect and then all of a sudden it is no longer so.
Today an accident happened, so that when I came back to my laptop (still rather new), I noticed that there was a scratch - a few pixels ripped out. I don't know if it was me or my colleague, who was also there. But it doesn't matter .. it was an accident in any case and we both were feeling bad about it.
So, here's the problem. My ego can no longer be perfect because it has a flaw that it can't fix. Moreover, no matter how hard it tries, it can't find the mistake that led to the consequence. It has been perfect and then all of a sudden it is no longer so.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Dream-travelling places
Finished reading this: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/mars/
Very inspiring description of the Mars civilization.
For the past few nights, I have been travelling places with a guide.
Yester-night in one of the dreams, we walked past a place we had also visited the night before. I recalled how I had hopped on a geyser at the cliff-side, which lifted me almost to the height of the tip of a domed monastery in the city at the distance of I guess a couple of kilometers. It was a great view.
Yesterday night, there was a group of us, who stepped on some sort of a time-travel platform or something. The guide explained the schedule in a very detailed manner, which I more-or-less ignored. We're there .. I walk off and attempt to take photos of the salt castle (looked like salt) that now surrounded us. Took the stairs up to the wall that had small window slits where light shone in. Heard birds chirping outside. Decided to take a photo. Turned around and saw two large medieval-style castle gates. One of the gates was red and the other one .. green I think, or was it blue? Both had some symbols above the gates. Thought I might not have any time left .. looked down and noticed that the platform was no longer there. Walked down .. environment changed (suddenly everything was wooden and bar-like) as I entered the field of the two guys waiting there. They said the rest of the group had gone back early, to catch a plane. I guess I teleported away or something.
Hmm .. strange. Switched the phone at some point. It has been reminding me "Mother-Father" for countless times already. Couldn't delete all the calendar notes, for some reason.
Very inspiring description of the Mars civilization.
For the past few nights, I have been travelling places with a guide.
Yester-night in one of the dreams, we walked past a place we had also visited the night before. I recalled how I had hopped on a geyser at the cliff-side, which lifted me almost to the height of the tip of a domed monastery in the city at the distance of I guess a couple of kilometers. It was a great view.
Yesterday night, there was a group of us, who stepped on some sort of a time-travel platform or something. The guide explained the schedule in a very detailed manner, which I more-or-less ignored. We're there .. I walk off and attempt to take photos of the salt castle (looked like salt) that now surrounded us. Took the stairs up to the wall that had small window slits where light shone in. Heard birds chirping outside. Decided to take a photo. Turned around and saw two large medieval-style castle gates. One of the gates was red and the other one .. green I think, or was it blue? Both had some symbols above the gates. Thought I might not have any time left .. looked down and noticed that the platform was no longer there. Walked down .. environment changed (suddenly everything was wooden and bar-like) as I entered the field of the two guys waiting there. They said the rest of the group had gone back early, to catch a plane. I guess I teleported away or something.
Hmm .. strange. Switched the phone at some point. It has been reminding me "Mother-Father" for countless times already. Couldn't delete all the calendar notes, for some reason.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Dark but not gloomy
Slept & meditated for most of Saturday.
Then became bored, installed a game. It didn't run. Spent an hour or two, trying to fix it. Got it to run but with a lot of glitches.
Uninstalled it and slept & meditated even more.
Have been seeing flashes of golden light on top of my head. While in some half-dream state, I once saw very bright white light shining at me. It looked almost like a 3-LED projector or something. Visited some strange places, too.
Very vivid dreams. It was night (very dark but not gloomy, somehow) and I found myself on Saaremaa, in the old barn house. At first I was alone in there. Then aunt showed up .. twice. One of her was on top of the old kiln and had the lamp lit .. she was reading a book or something. Heard the other one of her do something behind the rear door (which led to the chickens, into the garage or up to the hay storage). I just was .. occasionally talked to aunt, I guess, or something. An hour or two later I became aware of Pätu (a dog who passed away .. uh .. dunno when, because blog post search ain't working). At first I thought "Wait a minute, she's supposed to be dead, right?" But then I realized that in this non-physical form she wasn't, she never has been. We had just thought we had lost her. Anyway, I couldn't see Pätu but I could sense her energy lingering around near aunt's bed.
After just .. being there in the room for some more time, it was getting brighter outside. Sun was about to rise again. Went outside and noticed that Kevin was there. He had a really weak signature and thought he was dying or something. He couldn't walk or do anything. I didn't have any feelings .. just took his body with me, towards the sauna .. to prepare for the final departure or something. I was almost at the sauna door when someone said: "put some sugar water on top of his head". I started looking for sugar and water but couldn't find any. However, outside near the stable there were pastries (which seemed kind of odd to me). Noticed that I had left the body next to a tiny puddle and it had fallen over so that the top of the head became wet. Also, there were some pieces of pastry in the mud on the ground. A few minutes later, Kevin stood up. Me: "What? Duude.."
Right. On Friday I had a dream where I was in Italy, hanging around with some people who will be staying there for internship. Didn't chat with them, I guess because I couldn't interact with them. Lagged behind for taking photos. Sun was incredibly bright and I had no trouble flying around. Somewhere in the dream there was an entrance to the school building. Two stairs up to the second storey, which was for professors and the like. Between the stairs, there was a stairway down to the first storey, which was for students and somesuch. The 2nd storey was broad and very spacey. The 1st storey was too, but only after crawling through a very narrow tunnel. Couldn't enter with luggage. Had to either push luggage first or leave it behind. For the weekend, the higher-ups let us stay on the 2nd storey but I was ashamed of our kind (eastern-europeans) because they drunk a lot, spoke too loud and left litter behind.
This dream highlights the multi-layered nature of reality once again, because all the elements were there during my Italy trip. The narrow tunnel and spacey higher storeys was in San Marino (entrance to the towers).
Today I went to Tallinn and back, to help grandpa with his book. Grandma has gone over the limits with her caring about grandchildren.
Anyway, on my way to the bus station, I fancied sitting next to a girl, to have a chat or something. Arrived at the bus station. All tickets to the next 3 or 4 buses were sold out. So, I bought an expensive ticket to the only bus left that had free seats. Waited for the bus.
Btw, every hour there's the Lux Express with power sockets, free WiFi, a tablet per seat for watching movies, listening to music or for playing games for free. Lux Express is cheaper than some other buses that have old worn-out seats, no WiFi, no tablets.
I wasn't too happy about having to wait and not being able to take the cheaper and more fancy bus back home. Although I knew what was going on, I was too picky about it in my opinion. My thoughts materialized in an interesting way. My seat was next to a pretty girl and eventually started a chat. Gained some XP and Wisdom.
Then became bored, installed a game. It didn't run. Spent an hour or two, trying to fix it. Got it to run but with a lot of glitches.
Uninstalled it and slept & meditated even more.
Have been seeing flashes of golden light on top of my head. While in some half-dream state, I once saw very bright white light shining at me. It looked almost like a 3-LED projector or something. Visited some strange places, too.
Very vivid dreams. It was night (very dark but not gloomy, somehow) and I found myself on Saaremaa, in the old barn house. At first I was alone in there. Then aunt showed up .. twice. One of her was on top of the old kiln and had the lamp lit .. she was reading a book or something. Heard the other one of her do something behind the rear door (which led to the chickens, into the garage or up to the hay storage). I just was .. occasionally talked to aunt, I guess, or something. An hour or two later I became aware of Pätu (a dog who passed away .. uh .. dunno when, because blog post search ain't working). At first I thought "Wait a minute, she's supposed to be dead, right?" But then I realized that in this non-physical form she wasn't, she never has been. We had just thought we had lost her. Anyway, I couldn't see Pätu but I could sense her energy lingering around near aunt's bed.
After just .. being there in the room for some more time, it was getting brighter outside. Sun was about to rise again. Went outside and noticed that Kevin was there. He had a really weak signature and thought he was dying or something. He couldn't walk or do anything. I didn't have any feelings .. just took his body with me, towards the sauna .. to prepare for the final departure or something. I was almost at the sauna door when someone said: "put some sugar water on top of his head". I started looking for sugar and water but couldn't find any. However, outside near the stable there were pastries (which seemed kind of odd to me). Noticed that I had left the body next to a tiny puddle and it had fallen over so that the top of the head became wet. Also, there were some pieces of pastry in the mud on the ground. A few minutes later, Kevin stood up. Me: "What? Duude.."
Right. On Friday I had a dream where I was in Italy, hanging around with some people who will be staying there for internship. Didn't chat with them, I guess because I couldn't interact with them. Lagged behind for taking photos. Sun was incredibly bright and I had no trouble flying around. Somewhere in the dream there was an entrance to the school building. Two stairs up to the second storey, which was for professors and the like. Between the stairs, there was a stairway down to the first storey, which was for students and somesuch. The 2nd storey was broad and very spacey. The 1st storey was too, but only after crawling through a very narrow tunnel. Couldn't enter with luggage. Had to either push luggage first or leave it behind. For the weekend, the higher-ups let us stay on the 2nd storey but I was ashamed of our kind (eastern-europeans) because they drunk a lot, spoke too loud and left litter behind.
This dream highlights the multi-layered nature of reality once again, because all the elements were there during my Italy trip. The narrow tunnel and spacey higher storeys was in San Marino (entrance to the towers).
Today I went to Tallinn and back, to help grandpa with his book. Grandma has gone over the limits with her caring about grandchildren.
Anyway, on my way to the bus station, I fancied sitting next to a girl, to have a chat or something. Arrived at the bus station. All tickets to the next 3 or 4 buses were sold out. So, I bought an expensive ticket to the only bus left that had free seats. Waited for the bus.
Btw, every hour there's the Lux Express with power sockets, free WiFi, a tablet per seat for watching movies, listening to music or for playing games for free. Lux Express is cheaper than some other buses that have old worn-out seats, no WiFi, no tablets.
I wasn't too happy about having to wait and not being able to take the cheaper and more fancy bus back home. Although I knew what was going on, I was too picky about it in my opinion. My thoughts materialized in an interesting way. My seat was next to a pretty girl and eventually started a chat. Gained some XP and Wisdom.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Meltingpoint of focus
Took a lot of naps and attempted OBE during the weekend. Went outside once or twice and became entrained to the surroundings. Uninstalled XCOM and installed Civ V yesterday. I was enchanted. Played it till 0 AM.
Went to bed with the intention of practising focus to blank my mind before falling asleep. Picked up pranayama again. Haven't practised it for quite a while again .. it was awesome. Several times I witnessed breath cessation with a blank mind. Then focused on top of the head. Something happened with my focus, a breath cessation again and the psi density on top of the head increased dramatically. The psi density caused the feeling of a wobbly space-time, a strong heat and the feeling of being more awake than I've been during the past couple of years. I barely fell asleep - I was lucid for most of the time.
Woke up with a pk hangover, though. But the ability to concentrate has increased remarkably.
Went to bed with the intention of practising focus to blank my mind before falling asleep. Picked up pranayama again. Haven't practised it for quite a while again .. it was awesome. Several times I witnessed breath cessation with a blank mind. Then focused on top of the head. Something happened with my focus, a breath cessation again and the psi density on top of the head increased dramatically. The psi density caused the feeling of a wobbly space-time, a strong heat and the feeling of being more awake than I've been during the past couple of years. I barely fell asleep - I was lucid for most of the time.
Woke up with a pk hangover, though. But the ability to concentrate has increased remarkably.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Scalar
Have been reading some more about scalar fields and the history of Maxwell equations. Interesting stuff.
Although I haven't understood most of it yet, aether and scalar waves seem to describe psychokinesis, telepathy and geisting quite nicely, in addition to zpe generators.
After a chat with father, gravity also seems to follow quite logically.
Although I haven't understood most of it yet, aether and scalar waves seem to describe psychokinesis, telepathy and geisting quite nicely, in addition to zpe generators.
After a chat with father, gravity also seems to follow quite logically.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Real conspiracy
Sister has been telling me some pretty wild conspiracy stuff. What makes it freaky, though, is that it's real life. I tried to calm her a little .. I hope I wasn't wrong. Shall probably post about it once there's more details and more proof.
I've read a lot of conspiracy theories and I wouldn't want any of them to be real.
A bit of geisting while I listened to her stories. A 3L plastic bottle made a crackling sound in the kitchen. Something snapped in the living-room as well.
I've read a lot of conspiracy theories and I wouldn't want any of them to be real.
A bit of geisting while I listened to her stories. A 3L plastic bottle made a crackling sound in the kitchen. Something snapped in the living-room as well.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Summary
A lot has happened, just haven't had the internet / time to post.
Some events that came to mind:
#1
A lot of work to do and hadn't had the time to do anything. Wasn't too happy about it. Anyway, the first lecture that morning. The lecturer targeted me because he thought I was the sulky one (it's a commonly used method to try to get the attention of the worst of the audience as soon as possible). He picked a random person in the audience and let them pick a random number. I knew he would get me. He counted and got me.
#2
Rainy weather. Someone found a scorpion on the corridor floor and posted it on the FB group. Someone else found scorpions in their bathroom. Glanced at the tiny scorpion in the corridor. It just was, sometimes it walked a bit, then it just was .. again. It felt as if I was looking at myself (I'm a scorpion).
#3
We visited San Marino. A lot of weapon stores (knives, swords, pistols, rifles, automatic rifles, shotguns, etc.). A few stores with T-shirts and caps that had "Obey" written on them in different neon colours. To me, this seemed a bit awkward.
That day they held an archery festival in San Marino. Also there was some sort of a cosplay event or something. Spiderman, batman, batgirl, female Vegeta (from Dragon Ball Z) walked past me. Darth Vader was chatting with some locals there.
#4
A dream. I found myself in Estonia again, wondering how to get back to Italy. However, this time I was not as nervous as the previous times.
#5
Another dream. I'm standing in front of a white wall. To my right there's a window or something. I create a small rectangular frame (looks like a picture frame) on the wall. I then somehow create a portal into the frame. Through the portal, I can see a classroom .. I can even stick my hand into the portal and touch the wall on the other end. Awesome... .... ...
.. .... some sort of a creature appears behind me, to my left. This creature is not human and he glows golden-white. He appeared to teach me something about portals. I let him connect to my mind. A lot of data was transferred, but it was incomprehensive for the rational mind and I can't recall it.
#6
One Saturday I was playing Populous or something, when the fire alarm went off. Ignored it at first. A couple of minutes later I decided to step out to see what's going on. Stepped out :::click::: Realized that the door closed behind me and I had left my keycard in there. Oh well. Anyway, it seemed that Italians are serious about fire alarms (doors close automatically, a voice instructs in several languages and so on..). After some looking-around, I decided to start walking towards the town centre because the roommate had most likely gone that way. Bumped into my roommate about 50 meters later.
One day I wished I would meet the contact person of <satellite X>. The next day the contact person was replacing someone else and giving the lectures.
One day I wished I would meet another person from the company involved in the development of <satellite X>. The next day he was giving a practical.
Synchronicity is very helpful.
#7
The lights were pulsing occasionally (in both Bertinoro as well as in Forli). Often got entrained and flickered them semi-subconsciously.
#8
Ah right, in Italy it seems there's a fair, concerts and stuff each Saturday. Bought another Tibetan singing bowl from Bertinoro. This one has a higher pitch than the one we have at home .. it's a lot louder, too.
#9
Lightning is awesome in Italy. There's thunder and everything is bright for hours. In Estonia it rarely strikes and thunder clouds leave really fast.
#10
Wanted to visit the Chinese restaurant there. Just before departure, we were brought to the Chinese restaurant.
Sat next to a colleague. When he was about to take the second glass of sake, I saw in my mind how he would just collapse. After drinking it, he said he felt he was going to collapse for a moment. Discussed his problems with him. For some reason, Estonians and Polish guys were always drunk, shouting rude words and not behaving well. Didn't feel too proud about being from Eastern Europe.
In the restaurant they offered fortune cookies made in Germany. Mine said "Your biggest strength is calmness." The colleague had a message that said he had multiple choices and that sometimes it's better to take a different choice than continue the same path. I was impressed, hopefully he was also.
The next morning I realized the depth of the message in my fortune cookie. Our flight was cancelled. Crowded with nervous people. Felt compassion towards the lady who had to deal with the issue of re-routing flights. Also felt compassion towards a guy because of whom the lady became nervous (if I understood it correctly, it was the only plane for that guy). Noticed his calmness as well as the fact that almost all of his bags had the Om symbol.
For a moment it seemed that some of us won't fit on the next plane, which would have meant 10 more hours of waiting. A couple of miracles later, we still got tickets to the next plane.
In Tallinn, as the first thing, I saw 2 pums so drunk that one of them had puke-blocked the whole road. Then saw 2 more pums, dance-walking around. Right .. Eastern Europe.
#11
Focused on unconditional love towards the trees, ground, air, everything. Previously I couldn't see how this would let me progress, because willpower was always somewhat aggressive.
Some days later I realized I had become aware of another path. I could focus on unconditional love towards myself, while I could still maintain the will to evolve and push my limits. So far I had thought these were mutually exclusive but actually there was no conflict there.
#12
Missed the signals of a big energy leak. Then messed up even further.
Also became anxious about something that evening. After becoming anxious, the emotional background looked more gloomy and it took a lot of effort to find my way back to focusing on unconditional love again.
#13
Yesterday I found that something was different about meditation. It worked out different. Somehow I became more absorbed in myself.
Today I noticed how I became nervous when some people presenting at the conference weren't doing too well. I didn't understand why I would become nervous because of something like that.
Ah, also .. @iMm0rTa1: Have you read "The Universal Medicine" by Nicholas D. Collette yet? It describes an interesting methodology for producing ORMUS.
Father has done some research into ORMUS in the meanwhile and he has arrived at an interesting theory. He said since it has the effect of negative weight in sunlight and since ocean water contains the most monoatomic gold, it probably rises from the ocean. In Collette's book, the morning dew is exceptionally important. Near the ocean, morning dew is condensed ocean water. Father also had the idea that perhaps it's not the salt that's so important - maybe salt only helps to extract ORMUS from the dew.
Some events that came to mind:
#1
A lot of work to do and hadn't had the time to do anything. Wasn't too happy about it. Anyway, the first lecture that morning. The lecturer targeted me because he thought I was the sulky one (it's a commonly used method to try to get the attention of the worst of the audience as soon as possible). He picked a random person in the audience and let them pick a random number. I knew he would get me. He counted and got me.
- So, he asked me: "What's your mission in life?"
- Me: "I don't have a mission. <long pause> I guess I just go with the flow and do what's fun."
- Teacher: "If you're looking for fun, then you should've gone into show business, instead."
- Audience laughs hard
- Me: "Nah, for me, engineering is fun also."
- <audience laughs hard>
- Teacher: "It's you again. <looks at the rest of the audience, pointing at me> After the lectures, when this guy steps out of the room, he's gonna win a lottery. <looks back at me> What would you like to have custom made for you?"
- Me: "I don't know. <long pause> The only thing that comes to mind is the optics for <satellite X>" (note that the whole event was the workshop of <satellite X>).
- Audience: "C'mon, no imagination at all? Wtf, dude."
- Teacher: "There's nothing else that you would want?"
- Me: "<long pause> No, I'll stick to the optics."
#2
Rainy weather. Someone found a scorpion on the corridor floor and posted it on the FB group. Someone else found scorpions in their bathroom. Glanced at the tiny scorpion in the corridor. It just was, sometimes it walked a bit, then it just was .. again. It felt as if I was looking at myself (I'm a scorpion).
#3
We visited San Marino. A lot of weapon stores (knives, swords, pistols, rifles, automatic rifles, shotguns, etc.). A few stores with T-shirts and caps that had "Obey" written on them in different neon colours. To me, this seemed a bit awkward.
That day they held an archery festival in San Marino. Also there was some sort of a cosplay event or something. Spiderman, batman, batgirl, female Vegeta (from Dragon Ball Z) walked past me. Darth Vader was chatting with some locals there.
#4
A dream. I found myself in Estonia again, wondering how to get back to Italy. However, this time I was not as nervous as the previous times.
#5
Another dream. I'm standing in front of a white wall. To my right there's a window or something. I create a small rectangular frame (looks like a picture frame) on the wall. I then somehow create a portal into the frame. Through the portal, I can see a classroom .. I can even stick my hand into the portal and touch the wall on the other end. Awesome... .... ...
.. .... some sort of a creature appears behind me, to my left. This creature is not human and he glows golden-white. He appeared to teach me something about portals. I let him connect to my mind. A lot of data was transferred, but it was incomprehensive for the rational mind and I can't recall it.
#6
One Saturday I was playing Populous or something, when the fire alarm went off. Ignored it at first. A couple of minutes later I decided to step out to see what's going on. Stepped out :::click::: Realized that the door closed behind me and I had left my keycard in there. Oh well. Anyway, it seemed that Italians are serious about fire alarms (doors close automatically, a voice instructs in several languages and so on..). After some looking-around, I decided to start walking towards the town centre because the roommate had most likely gone that way. Bumped into my roommate about 50 meters later.
One day I wished I would meet the contact person of <satellite X>. The next day the contact person was replacing someone else and giving the lectures.
One day I wished I would meet another person from the company involved in the development of <satellite X>. The next day he was giving a practical.
Synchronicity is very helpful.
#7
The lights were pulsing occasionally (in both Bertinoro as well as in Forli). Often got entrained and flickered them semi-subconsciously.
#8
Ah right, in Italy it seems there's a fair, concerts and stuff each Saturday. Bought another Tibetan singing bowl from Bertinoro. This one has a higher pitch than the one we have at home .. it's a lot louder, too.
#9
Lightning is awesome in Italy. There's thunder and everything is bright for hours. In Estonia it rarely strikes and thunder clouds leave really fast.
#10
Wanted to visit the Chinese restaurant there. Just before departure, we were brought to the Chinese restaurant.
Sat next to a colleague. When he was about to take the second glass of sake, I saw in my mind how he would just collapse. After drinking it, he said he felt he was going to collapse for a moment. Discussed his problems with him. For some reason, Estonians and Polish guys were always drunk, shouting rude words and not behaving well. Didn't feel too proud about being from Eastern Europe.
In the restaurant they offered fortune cookies made in Germany. Mine said "Your biggest strength is calmness." The colleague had a message that said he had multiple choices and that sometimes it's better to take a different choice than continue the same path. I was impressed, hopefully he was also.
The next morning I realized the depth of the message in my fortune cookie. Our flight was cancelled. Crowded with nervous people. Felt compassion towards the lady who had to deal with the issue of re-routing flights. Also felt compassion towards a guy because of whom the lady became nervous (if I understood it correctly, it was the only plane for that guy). Noticed his calmness as well as the fact that almost all of his bags had the Om symbol.
For a moment it seemed that some of us won't fit on the next plane, which would have meant 10 more hours of waiting. A couple of miracles later, we still got tickets to the next plane.
In Tallinn, as the first thing, I saw 2 pums so drunk that one of them had puke-blocked the whole road. Then saw 2 more pums, dance-walking around. Right .. Eastern Europe.
#11
Focused on unconditional love towards the trees, ground, air, everything. Previously I couldn't see how this would let me progress, because willpower was always somewhat aggressive.
Some days later I realized I had become aware of another path. I could focus on unconditional love towards myself, while I could still maintain the will to evolve and push my limits. So far I had thought these were mutually exclusive but actually there was no conflict there.
#12
Missed the signals of a big energy leak. Then messed up even further.
Also became anxious about something that evening. After becoming anxious, the emotional background looked more gloomy and it took a lot of effort to find my way back to focusing on unconditional love again.
#13
Yesterday I found that something was different about meditation. It worked out different. Somehow I became more absorbed in myself.
Today I noticed how I became nervous when some people presenting at the conference weren't doing too well. I didn't understand why I would become nervous because of something like that.
Ah, also .. @iMm0rTa1: Have you read "The Universal Medicine" by Nicholas D. Collette yet? It describes an interesting methodology for producing ORMUS.
Father has done some research into ORMUS in the meanwhile and he has arrived at an interesting theory. He said since it has the effect of negative weight in sunlight and since ocean water contains the most monoatomic gold, it probably rises from the ocean. In Collette's book, the morning dew is exceptionally important. Near the ocean, morning dew is condensed ocean water. Father also had the idea that perhaps it's not the salt that's so important - maybe salt only helps to extract ORMUS from the dew.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Demon face
Very low-level dreams. It was foggy again today morning. Felt a bit down. Tried to meditate before and between the dreams but couldn't do it no matter what. Found a cold spot in the bed .. thought there was an air draft through the mattress.
Tried to overcome the gloomy mood in the morning, while making mistakes on the way. Due to some peculiar lighting and shadow effects, I saw the image of a demon on my blanket. Somehow the demon reminded me of me, it was as if I was looking down at my own face in the blanket. Focused on it until it no longer seemed scary. Felt sorry for it because people don't see it for what it actually is.
During the lectures I remembered that the central channel for me is not at the spine but behind it. The state of mind corresponded to an image of the old farmhouse on Saaremaa. In the farmhouse there was a stove. Linked the stove with my navel chakra (behind my back) and lit the fire in there. Gradually the fog rained down and sun came out.
When I focused on the winds (audible) in the central channel, it had a calming and enlightening effect.
Tried to overcome the gloomy mood in the morning, while making mistakes on the way. Due to some peculiar lighting and shadow effects, I saw the image of a demon on my blanket. Somehow the demon reminded me of me, it was as if I was looking down at my own face in the blanket. Focused on it until it no longer seemed scary. Felt sorry for it because people don't see it for what it actually is.
During the lectures I remembered that the central channel for me is not at the spine but behind it. The state of mind corresponded to an image of the old farmhouse on Saaremaa. In the farmhouse there was a stove. Linked the stove with my navel chakra (behind my back) and lit the fire in there. Gradually the fog rained down and sun came out.
When I focused on the winds (audible) in the central channel, it had a calming and enlightening effect.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Spiritual jail
Very hot weather. It must've been over 30 *C in the classroom today.
Noticed that one of the university personnel had a crown cone that was exceptionally well visible. Haven't seen anyone with that dense psi field before.
Before Sunday there were a lot of flashbacks and a couple of events where I felt wisdom in what I said. However, usually I was yapping rubbish, just like the others.
On Sunday I had started to focus on the wind element at the throat chakra. Thought that I should pay attention to arrogance, which usually accompanies the throat chakra for me - eventually forgot. In the evening I became anxious when a colleague said that the world would be a lot better if his old schoolmates were run over with a car. Asked if he really desired such a thing. For a moment I wished that he would get the experience and see for himself if he really wants that or not. Tried to explain the power of thought to him .. without much success. In his eyes I'm all weird.
The first dream that night was very serious. I was in a car, the colleague was driving. *Bump* and the car fell into the river somewhere. The being who had designed the dream, came to us and said: "You're all gonna die." As he said that, suddenly the probability space (tangible) became very limited. There was no way to change anything. At the same time, we experienced the consequences of what just happened. It was as if put behind bars physically, mentally and spiritually (imagine it eternally - that's what the dream master meant by death). The experience of being unable to do anything made me cry. The dream master then let me out and brought my attention to the golden light shining from my crown. Woke up and undid any ill thoughts.
Have been feeling bad about Sunday ever since. Dreams with heavy symbolism again. When I looked at that colleague's shirt today, for some reason it occurred to me that was my shirt (when in fact it's not, and I have never had a shirt like that). Thus, I suspect some sort of a forgotten body switch or OBE.
Have been changing the state of mind to overcome my issues. During the lectures today I realized a few things and experienced the mystical feeling that used to drive me to pk practice and meditation.
Noticed that one of the university personnel had a crown cone that was exceptionally well visible. Haven't seen anyone with that dense psi field before.
Before Sunday there were a lot of flashbacks and a couple of events where I felt wisdom in what I said. However, usually I was yapping rubbish, just like the others.
On Sunday I had started to focus on the wind element at the throat chakra. Thought that I should pay attention to arrogance, which usually accompanies the throat chakra for me - eventually forgot. In the evening I became anxious when a colleague said that the world would be a lot better if his old schoolmates were run over with a car. Asked if he really desired such a thing. For a moment I wished that he would get the experience and see for himself if he really wants that or not. Tried to explain the power of thought to him .. without much success. In his eyes I'm all weird.
The first dream that night was very serious. I was in a car, the colleague was driving. *Bump* and the car fell into the river somewhere. The being who had designed the dream, came to us and said: "You're all gonna die." As he said that, suddenly the probability space (tangible) became very limited. There was no way to change anything. At the same time, we experienced the consequences of what just happened. It was as if put behind bars physically, mentally and spiritually (imagine it eternally - that's what the dream master meant by death). The experience of being unable to do anything made me cry. The dream master then let me out and brought my attention to the golden light shining from my crown. Woke up and undid any ill thoughts.
Have been feeling bad about Sunday ever since. Dreams with heavy symbolism again. When I looked at that colleague's shirt today, for some reason it occurred to me that was my shirt (when in fact it's not, and I have never had a shirt like that). Thus, I suspect some sort of a forgotten body switch or OBE.
Have been changing the state of mind to overcome my issues. During the lectures today I realized a few things and experienced the mystical feeling that used to drive me to pk practice and meditation.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Sunny
A bit easier lectures today. Visualized myself in white and a fire from the navel chakra. This would symbolize the purifying nature of the internal fire. Put a lot of effort in it and maintained the visualization for hours during the lectures. This worked. Sun came out and most of the day was warm and sunny. This answered a question that has puzzled me for years: "Why does one have to put forth effort in order to achieve something that they already have?" The answer is "strong habits". If you put effort in shielding yourself from something, then you'll most likely put a lot of effort into undoing the shield later. Now, if you have shields / constructs / habits from prior lifetimes which you can't remember, then it may take a lot of effort to even notice them. Chances are that you're so used to them being there that you won't notice them unless you pay attention to them. However, in order to pay attention, you would already have to know that there's something there that needs attention.
The school building slightly reminds me of Hogwarts. Very interesting design, full of "secret" rooms with lectures and practicals in them. Even the dorms are like a 2-storeyed labyrinth that spans 4 or 5 storeys.
Probably I've misinterpreted the response to my pessimism about tummo. It won't happen on its own. I have to dedicate to it. Previously I have over-compensated with my visualizations, ignorant about the damage that I might cause to myself. This time I scaled the effect down to the safe levels and then slowly geared up the levels.
Thanks to the multi-layered nature of the reality, I've learned quite a bit about the mystic stuff here.
The school building slightly reminds me of Hogwarts. Very interesting design, full of "secret" rooms with lectures and practicals in them. Even the dorms are like a 2-storeyed labyrinth that spans 4 or 5 storeys.
Probably I've misinterpreted the response to my pessimism about tummo. It won't happen on its own. I have to dedicate to it. Previously I have over-compensated with my visualizations, ignorant about the damage that I might cause to myself. This time I scaled the effect down to the safe levels and then slowly geared up the levels.
Thanks to the multi-layered nature of the reality, I've learned quite a bit about the mystic stuff here.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Rainy
It has been rainy for almost a week already. People are commenting: "This isn't Italy." Well, there was an exception - yesterday it was foggy, so that people commented: "This sort of weather is supposed to be in Ireland, not Italy."
During a couple of days I've tried to manifest sunshine. Only got sunshine for a few minutes .. or up to 30 minutes but only temporarily. Couldn't focus for too long, because the lectures have been pretty tough.
Occasionally I've felt pretty tired during the lectures, so I've explored the half-sleep stages a little bit more. I've focused on the subtle discontinuities in the process, to force myself awake and attentive. Then suddenly the sleepiness is broken. Thus, it's only a habitual state of mind. The same goes for the feeling of not being able to concentrate and understand what the lecturer is speaking about.
Empathy seems to be doing ok. Occasionally found myself entrained to the lecturers. However, I seem to be stuck on lower layers (haven't become entrained to their minds).
Last night I noticed that subconsciously I'm missing home. Found myself at the summerhouse, worrying about how I'll get back to Italy for the morning lectures.
Edit: According to the "Initiation into Hermetics", my water element is out of balance. Well, what should I do?
 |
| Ireland weather in Italy. |
During a couple of days I've tried to manifest sunshine. Only got sunshine for a few minutes .. or up to 30 minutes but only temporarily. Couldn't focus for too long, because the lectures have been pretty tough.
Occasionally I've felt pretty tired during the lectures, so I've explored the half-sleep stages a little bit more. I've focused on the subtle discontinuities in the process, to force myself awake and attentive. Then suddenly the sleepiness is broken. Thus, it's only a habitual state of mind. The same goes for the feeling of not being able to concentrate and understand what the lecturer is speaking about.
Empathy seems to be doing ok. Occasionally found myself entrained to the lecturers. However, I seem to be stuck on lower layers (haven't become entrained to their minds).
Last night I noticed that subconsciously I'm missing home. Found myself at the summerhouse, worrying about how I'll get back to Italy for the morning lectures.
Edit: According to the "Initiation into Hermetics", my water element is out of balance. Well, what should I do?
Monday, September 1, 2014
Italy
In Tallinn, I happened to glance at an extension cord that was next to my bed. One of the ground contacts was curled in a strange way. Couldn't figure out how it could've become like that. It left me puzzled.
Arrived at Bertinoro. Paul checked the weather forecast - 16 *C and rainy here in Italy, 16 *C and sunny in Estonia. Sigh .. brought Estonian summer with me again.
In Italy there also seems to be some sort of an upward flow of psi, much like in Spain. I guess that's why the environment feels more healthy here as well.
 |
| The weird contact |
Arrived at Bertinoro. Paul checked the weather forecast - 16 *C and rainy here in Italy, 16 *C and sunny in Estonia. Sigh .. brought Estonian summer with me again.
 |
| Estonian summer in Italy |
In Italy there also seems to be some sort of an upward flow of psi, much like in Spain. I guess that's why the environment feels more healthy here as well.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Inception
Reading the newspapers yesterday increased my stress a little. Although previously I have seen dreams that WWIII won't happen, the situation seems awfully close to it right now.
I guess I was in the half-dream state, debugging or optimizing something about the body when I noticed that someone was coming. I thought I heard the clicking of high heels on the floor. Realized it must be the clock ticking. However, someone uninvited was still coming towards me. I couldn't see them, I couldn't hear them. This induced a slight fear. Then suddenly I dropped unconscious and had a dream with a lot of symbols.
Woke up in sweat when Mom returned home at night. It took me some time to trace back and remember the details in the dream. Not sure I remember all of it. When I went back to sleep, the dream did not continue and no more sweat was produced.
I was walking around with uncle (the youngest one who first taught me meditation). I was happy, sun was shining and nothing could touch my happiness. We arrived at a stream (the river had almost dried up). On this side of the river, two older asian women were washing potatoes for food. On the far side of the stream, there were people in white biohazard suits dropping dead bodies in there.
From there on, we went uphill. On the hillside, the ground looked worn out. There were spots of grass here and there, separated with dark cracks that looked like burn marks or something. Uncle looked very concerned. Arrived on a plateau. Stepped on a piece of glass and broke it. The ground was covered in
broken gas mask parts. However, most of the gas mask parts were made of glass (which are usually made of steel or rubber).
We arrived on uncle's tenting spot. I walked a circle around the place and entered from the side so that I caught someone who was looting around, sneaking in to attack uncle. A siren (creature from mythology), who was very upset because of some sort of issues with Germany. The dream ended.
Not sure if it's from the dream or before that, but there's the symbol of a wooden skull in dark dirt (or ashes) that I also found from my mind.
Also, somewhere between the dreams I saw an image of an art exhibition. There was a large canvas with a large monochrome eye that had a polluted-green waterfall from the pupil.
Now that's a lot of symbols to figure out.
I guess I was in the half-dream state, debugging or optimizing something about the body when I noticed that someone was coming. I thought I heard the clicking of high heels on the floor. Realized it must be the clock ticking. However, someone uninvited was still coming towards me. I couldn't see them, I couldn't hear them. This induced a slight fear. Then suddenly I dropped unconscious and had a dream with a lot of symbols.
Woke up in sweat when Mom returned home at night. It took me some time to trace back and remember the details in the dream. Not sure I remember all of it. When I went back to sleep, the dream did not continue and no more sweat was produced.
I was walking around with uncle (the youngest one who first taught me meditation). I was happy, sun was shining and nothing could touch my happiness. We arrived at a stream (the river had almost dried up). On this side of the river, two older asian women were washing potatoes for food. On the far side of the stream, there were people in white biohazard suits dropping dead bodies in there.
From there on, we went uphill. On the hillside, the ground looked worn out. There were spots of grass here and there, separated with dark cracks that looked like burn marks or something. Uncle looked very concerned. Arrived on a plateau. Stepped on a piece of glass and broke it. The ground was covered in
broken gas mask parts. However, most of the gas mask parts were made of glass (which are usually made of steel or rubber).
We arrived on uncle's tenting spot. I walked a circle around the place and entered from the side so that I caught someone who was looting around, sneaking in to attack uncle. A siren (creature from mythology), who was very upset because of some sort of issues with Germany. The dream ended.
Not sure if it's from the dream or before that, but there's the symbol of a wooden skull in dark dirt (or ashes) that I also found from my mind.
Also, somewhere between the dreams I saw an image of an art exhibition. There was a large canvas with a large monochrome eye that had a polluted-green waterfall from the pupil.
Now that's a lot of symbols to figure out.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Symbols
Edit: Going to Italy for 3 weeks, starting from tomorrow.
Joined Mark Mauvais' forum a couple of days ago and started posting: http://psychicinvestigation.forumotion.com/
Yesterday and today I have learned a lot. A lot of thanks to whoever taught me.
Practised some pk on Thursday evening. Felt rather tired the next day. Synchronicity and timing led me to the cheapest bus ticket to Tallinn yesterday evening. Took a seat. A Russian girl took a seat on the row in front of me. She had poured _a_lot_ of parfume and called to at least 10 different numbers. Enjoyed the sunset, while trying to acquire the feeling of the ground, the trees, the sky. Read her and found how happy I was with my life. She put a lot of effort into escaping the pretty sunset and blank mind. That's why she called so many people and chatted until the sunset was over. Also, she put a lot of effort into her looks and image because deep down she was feeling very insecure. Very strong fear of people not accepting her. Felt sorry for her.
Had chaotic dreams last night. Probably echoes of a dream that I had on Wednesday or something. However, after waking up and falling asleep for a couple of times, suddenly something changed. Someone observed my chaos and said "Don't!" He then said something which I already know anyway. However, this raised my awareness. Some symbolism followed, about me having taken some candy with me, only to realize that there were even more candy here. In any case, I didn't actually want to eat the candy, I just felt I had to.
Woke up. Read the newspaper while grandpa was listening to the radio. Read an article about symbols and their role in the society. The guy speaking on the radio made an abrupt change in the way he sentenced things, so that he could stuff in the word "symbolism". After that 1 strange sentence, which only made sense to me, he continued his talk normally. Checked the horoscope. "Pay more attention to that dream. Notice the symbols."
=D I rarely read the newspaper but when I do, the horoscope is spot on. While eating supper and listening to a radio show on Estonian native religion, I realized something obvious about how symbols work.
Took a nap. A lot of thoughts and images flew around. Then suddenly everything went blank and a symbol appeared for a split-second. Couldn't make out the symbol but after seeing it, my mind was flooded with dark and gloomy thoughts and images. The way the mind went blank before the symbol, seemed similar to how the RF spectrum goes blank when someone clicks the Push-To-Talk (PTT) button.
The dream I had on Wednesday:
I don't want to describe it literally, since it would be rather dirty.
Anyway, I guess there was this chaos again - subtle desires out of control. One of them manifested and I found myself out of body in a room that resembled my own. There was a small framed girl sleeping in the bed. Both her body and soul were in the room, though separated. Asked the soul if I could touch the body. She said: "Do whatever you want, just make sure the body won't drop over the edge of the bed." Well, I started leaking at some moment. Put forth a lot of effort to overcome the desires, pop back into my body and stop it. I'm very sorry for being so rude.
Joined Mark Mauvais' forum a couple of days ago and started posting: http://psychicinvestigation.forumotion.com/
Yesterday and today I have learned a lot. A lot of thanks to whoever taught me.
Practised some pk on Thursday evening. Felt rather tired the next day. Synchronicity and timing led me to the cheapest bus ticket to Tallinn yesterday evening. Took a seat. A Russian girl took a seat on the row in front of me. She had poured _a_lot_ of parfume and called to at least 10 different numbers. Enjoyed the sunset, while trying to acquire the feeling of the ground, the trees, the sky. Read her and found how happy I was with my life. She put a lot of effort into escaping the pretty sunset and blank mind. That's why she called so many people and chatted until the sunset was over. Also, she put a lot of effort into her looks and image because deep down she was feeling very insecure. Very strong fear of people not accepting her. Felt sorry for her.
Had chaotic dreams last night. Probably echoes of a dream that I had on Wednesday or something. However, after waking up and falling asleep for a couple of times, suddenly something changed. Someone observed my chaos and said "Don't!" He then said something which I already know anyway. However, this raised my awareness. Some symbolism followed, about me having taken some candy with me, only to realize that there were even more candy here. In any case, I didn't actually want to eat the candy, I just felt I had to.
Woke up. Read the newspaper while grandpa was listening to the radio. Read an article about symbols and their role in the society. The guy speaking on the radio made an abrupt change in the way he sentenced things, so that he could stuff in the word "symbolism". After that 1 strange sentence, which only made sense to me, he continued his talk normally. Checked the horoscope. "Pay more attention to that dream. Notice the symbols."
=D I rarely read the newspaper but when I do, the horoscope is spot on. While eating supper and listening to a radio show on Estonian native religion, I realized something obvious about how symbols work.
Took a nap. A lot of thoughts and images flew around. Then suddenly everything went blank and a symbol appeared for a split-second. Couldn't make out the symbol but after seeing it, my mind was flooded with dark and gloomy thoughts and images. The way the mind went blank before the symbol, seemed similar to how the RF spectrum goes blank when someone clicks the Push-To-Talk (PTT) button.
The dream I had on Wednesday:
I don't want to describe it literally, since it would be rather dirty.
Anyway, I guess there was this chaos again - subtle desires out of control. One of them manifested and I found myself out of body in a room that resembled my own. There was a small framed girl sleeping in the bed. Both her body and soul were in the room, though separated. Asked the soul if I could touch the body. She said: "Do whatever you want, just make sure the body won't drop over the edge of the bed." Well, I started leaking at some moment. Put forth a lot of effort to overcome the desires, pop back into my body and stop it. I'm very sorry for being so rude.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Feeling the biofield
Another day of satellite firmware upload till early morning. Woke up early as well. So, felt pretty tired. Managed to get around it with strong focus on work, which allowed me to switch off some of the senses.
Tried to focus past the stress that was produced when some of the initial tests did not seem very promising. Strong focus helped.
A colleague became fascinated by flying a plane (another colleague is a pilot). I'll try to use it as leverage to boost my inspiration and motivation for learning to levitate and fly without a plane.
At home, I tried to meditate, which didn't work out too well. On the other hand, I acquired the sensation of the biofield again. Took a nap while I was deforming the biofield. Despite being tired, I remained more-or-less conscious throughout the nap.
Right, yesterday I watched The Alien Agenda - Simon Parkes, New Horizons 2014:
Thanks to Hyena for sharing it. It really did answer a lot of questions.
Tried to focus past the stress that was produced when some of the initial tests did not seem very promising. Strong focus helped.
A colleague became fascinated by flying a plane (another colleague is a pilot). I'll try to use it as leverage to boost my inspiration and motivation for learning to levitate and fly without a plane.
At home, I tried to meditate, which didn't work out too well. On the other hand, I acquired the sensation of the biofield again. Took a nap while I was deforming the biofield. Despite being tired, I remained more-or-less conscious throughout the nap.
Right, yesterday I watched The Alien Agenda - Simon Parkes, New Horizons 2014:
Monday, August 25, 2014
Some guy moving chairs and manifesting sand
Played a computer game on Saturday. Saw a small dark shadowy figure floating above the laptop supply adaptor. Looked away and looked back - it was still there.
Stared at a can yesterday. Occasionally took a nap while trying to remain conscious. Saw light on top of my head again.
A psion found this guy on youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbEodrwtRzU (blogger youtube search couldn't find the video)
That's pretty inspiring. The guy looks a bit spooky though. Avoided eye-contact while watching.
A lot of different flashbacks yesterday and today. Some of them seemed rather foreign to my mind in this life (and yet felt familiar from somewhere beyond).
Stared at a can yesterday. Occasionally took a nap while trying to remain conscious. Saw light on top of my head again.
A psion found this guy on youtube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbEodrwtRzU (blogger youtube search couldn't find the video)
That's pretty inspiring. The guy looks a bit spooky though. Avoided eye-contact while watching.
A lot of different flashbacks yesterday and today. Some of them seemed rather foreign to my mind in this life (and yet felt familiar from somewhere beyond).
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Stressback
Yesterday was a free day from work. Was bored and just slept it off.
Hmm .. workaholicism is back (a 13 hour workday), together with the sensation that something inside me is really afraid of something (panicked is perhaps more accurate). In some of the previous posts, I've called it just stress.
Hmm .. workaholicism is back (a 13 hour workday), together with the sensation that something inside me is really afraid of something (panicked is perhaps more accurate). In some of the previous posts, I've called it just stress.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
The bee lesson
Pretty fascinated about the Bible of the Undead. Loving all the experiences that the author shared. Also, the tips are good .. although some of them contain highlighted details that are not really important IMHO.
After some straining concentration practice last week and during the weekend, I let my mind free so that it can become unconscious in the dreams.
At work, we sought bugs in a cobweb of math and temporary variables. Paid attention to the subtle feelings about the lines of code, which helped a lot.
Before leaving, another worker switched the lights off. I thought: "Convenient .. don't have to switch them off afterwards." He then switched them back on, looked at me, struggling to remember my name. He then asked me if I'll switch the lights off myself. I agreed. He waved goodbye and left the room. Less than a minute later, the lights switched off on their own. There's a fancy touch-screen control panel for these lights. I suspected there might be some sort of a mode with timeout or something.
Walked towards home with a colleague. Noticed that wind picked up and there were clouds around. Later when it started to rain, I unpacked a raincoat from my backpack and put it on. Right after I had done that, I noticed that there was a bee on the raincoat, right at my heart. It hold on strongly while looking at my face. The rain, the wind didn't affect it. I was already approaching home and found that I was afraid the bee wouldn't fly away before I reached the apartment block. So I stopped near some trees and bushes and looked at what the bee had in mind. Now that I had stopped moving, it started climbing around, drinking water droplets. Realized that deep down, I had a little bit of fear and hatred for this little creature. That's where some dark thoughts emerged. Practised forgiving myself, practised feeling unconditional love towards the bee as it moved towards my right hand. Something changed in the flow of psi on the hand. Suddenly I became attuned to the bee and I experienced a spontaneous telepathic message: "Fly away". The bee turned around and flew away. Realized the reason for the bee and I cheered up. I wondered if my previous experiences with the butterflies had been for the same reason - and I had just ignored it arrogantly.
Continued on my way home and saw mother and sister open the external door. They had come from the shop. Nice timing.
After some straining concentration practice last week and during the weekend, I let my mind free so that it can become unconscious in the dreams.
At work, we sought bugs in a cobweb of math and temporary variables. Paid attention to the subtle feelings about the lines of code, which helped a lot.
Before leaving, another worker switched the lights off. I thought: "Convenient .. don't have to switch them off afterwards." He then switched them back on, looked at me, struggling to remember my name. He then asked me if I'll switch the lights off myself. I agreed. He waved goodbye and left the room. Less than a minute later, the lights switched off on their own. There's a fancy touch-screen control panel for these lights. I suspected there might be some sort of a mode with timeout or something.
Walked towards home with a colleague. Noticed that wind picked up and there were clouds around. Later when it started to rain, I unpacked a raincoat from my backpack and put it on. Right after I had done that, I noticed that there was a bee on the raincoat, right at my heart. It hold on strongly while looking at my face. The rain, the wind didn't affect it. I was already approaching home and found that I was afraid the bee wouldn't fly away before I reached the apartment block. So I stopped near some trees and bushes and looked at what the bee had in mind. Now that I had stopped moving, it started climbing around, drinking water droplets. Realized that deep down, I had a little bit of fear and hatred for this little creature. That's where some dark thoughts emerged. Practised forgiving myself, practised feeling unconditional love towards the bee as it moved towards my right hand. Something changed in the flow of psi on the hand. Suddenly I became attuned to the bee and I experienced a spontaneous telepathic message: "Fly away". The bee turned around and flew away. Realized the reason for the bee and I cheered up. I wondered if my previous experiences with the butterflies had been for the same reason - and I had just ignored it arrogantly.
Continued on my way home and saw mother and sister open the external door. They had come from the shop. Nice timing.
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