To Aracena

Yesterday I visualized the conversion of bee poison into something harmless. Today the left hand was no longer bloated.

Yesterday I skipped breakfast and ate lunch late. Didn't feel hunger .. metabolism had become very slow. Had a wet dream today morning, which sped up the metabolism again.

Visited the caves in Aracena. The caves left me speechless. Imagined how much more awesome the experience would be if I were able to levitate around in there (could look at the various formations, lakes from all around). In the museum, I stared at the various minerals for hours.

Went to a castle at the top of the mountain, where Mom showed me the location where she likes to meditate.

There was a girl with a crown of flowers on her head. I thought (just a feeling, not a fully formed thought) it looked pretty. Luis said the same thing to his friend in spanish. His friend told the girl that I had said it (miscommunication?). Ah well..

Also, when we entered the village, we heard a church bell ringing. I didn't recognize the bell at first, because it sounded as if someone was hitting a frying pan with a wooden stick. When I saw a man ringing the church bell, I said that I would've expected a better sound from the church bell - that it sounded similar to hitting a pan or a pot. Mom and Luis had thought exactly the same thing - they also hadn't heard the church bell ringing in such a way before.

In Aracena, I slept in the living-room. There was an Om symbol on the door, 1/3 of the room was converted into a meditation place with statues and candles. Above my bed there was a lamp globe, which caught my attention. Somehow, it felt dark, induced mild fear and yet it felt so familiar. Practised trataka on it for some time. By the looks, it reminded me of a rocket engine nozzle or something. No idea why it made me feel that way. Asked Luis Carlos about the globe. He said it was from India and about as old as I was. He wanted to replace it with a new one from Kenya, so he gave it to me.

In Chaouen

Left hand has become bloated due to having been stung by the bee.

Merchants were pissed at me because of my low bartering skills. Mom and Luis were probably annoyed because I trusted everyone and ended up "donating" all the money just to be able to leave the merchants. Also, if I had to buy something to be able to leave, I couldn't choose anything because I did not have any desires, I did not prefer one thing to another .. just couldn't. All things are good for one purpose or another and thus can't be compared. Also, for me, lying doesn't exist .. they use it for money. For example, I ask them what is that over
there .. they say what it is and ask which color I prefer (assuming that I immediately want to buy it). If I ask how much that thing over there costs, they either want me to name a price (which I don't know) or they tell the_actual_cost * 100 or something similar (which is the amount of money they desire, not the actual cost). To me it would seem logical that if they have made it, then they know the cost of raw materials and their number of workhours the best - because how would I know that? And asking for a price less than the cost of raw materials + workhours would mean disrespect. How can one make a merchant happy with no desires and no money?

In other words, ego hurt. Added some fuel into the ego flames, then tried to see it for what it is and tried to forgive it. Like if they care so much about the money, then let them have it .. because I'm not addicted to it. Mom later went to replace the thing I had "bought" because of how sh*tty it was. This added even more fuel
to the ego flames. Ego wanted to ignore all merchants (no eye contact, a few hundred meters of safety distance) from this point onwards. Oh well .. this would only mean that in the future I would practise bartering without the ego (since ego is away at a far distance). Then ego wasn't happy with that either. Mixed feelings :):

Other than feeling bad about being poor and without desires, Morocco really touched the heart and did so more than Ceuta.

• Mom: You should come to Morocco for shopping groceries, it's a lot cheaper than in Estonia.
• Me: Transportation costs more than what I would save anyway.
• Mom: It's high-time you learned to teleport already ;).

I started thinking that the two layers from the dream the previous night might've been the physical and the first non-physical layer above that. Judging by this interpretation, the symbol of toilet might indicate the physical realm. Because toilets are only relevant in the physical realm.

After telling Mom about the dream as well as the comparison of merchants to bees, she remembered an experience of hers from a long time ago. Mom said she left the old job in Estonia after she became ill. Once well again, she had gone to work, where she suddenly saw colleagues from a different perspective. Suddenly, all the researchers seemed like white lab rats wandering about aimlessly, always confused about what is going on. These researchers in white robes performed
experiments on white lab rats.

To Chaouen

Took a nap during the day. Saw very detailed landscapes and buildings during the hypnagogic stage. I was amazed at the vividness and clarity of the pictures. Someone closed a door, the sound of which caused the picture to shimmer in a way that reminded me of the CRT degauss procedure.

Went to Chaouen in Morocco. A beautiful place with a lot of merchants addicted to money like bees to sugar syrup. The food is really good, by the way. While enjoying some salmons and tea, a lot of bees appeared. The bees crawled into the tea. Tried to shoo them away a couple of times, which only made matters worse, because they fell into the tea. Got stung by a bee that was chilling on a chair arm pad. Offered salmon leftovers to a one-eyed kitten, after which I quickly developed empathy with the land, people, plants and animals.

Went to enjoy a few snacks and Moroccan tea at a nice and quiet restaurant at night. Although I haven't seen anyone else do it, I found the tea to be the most refreshing when I ate some mint from the glass. Anyway, there was a fly roaming around. Decided to practice some pk on the candle lighting the table. Focused on the flame .. the fly shot straight into the flame, dropped into the molten candle wax and died. Right - had forgotten that bugs are attracted to high psi density. Told about it to Mom and added that animals are also
attracted to high psi density .. meow, two cats appeared. One of them sat next to my chair and started staring at me (stared at me for at least a minute).

Couldn't sleep very well - was at a new place. Also, due to having been sitting in the car for almost the whole day, the digestive system was running on neutral gear (working very slowly).

Saw images of the sea reflecting golden-white light in the hypnagogic state. There were several dreams, all of which had the following in common: two close to identical realms. I was at the town (which was empty so early in the morning) on the lower realm and a colleague wandering around in the higher realm asked if there were any toilets around. Took the stairs to the higher realm, walked around and realized that although the two realms were supposed to be close to identical, there were no toilets in the higher one. I don't know what the dream
means but toilet is one of the most powerful symbols in my dreams.

In Ceuta

Ceuta connects a lot of different religions: Christian, Hindu, Jewish, Muslim. Visited a Hindu temple today.

In the evening we ate a lot of different exotic foods. Had second thoughts about an octopus salad before I realized that the octopus didn't mind me eating it. Well .. at least, it no longer did.

I had mentioned to Luis that I have a habit so that tension forms in the body when I'm in stress. Also that for me, stress is often caused by situations where I'm being blamed for something that I don't consider my responsibility. Something along the lines of: several attempts to direct the attention of a group to something that I think is going in the wrong direction .. the group doesn't listen .. next day some other people blame me because they see that the group is going in the wrong direction (they treat me as the whole group).

That night I had a gray-ish dream (inner light obstructed by clouds) where I possessed a lot of different people with a lot of different problems. Since I was in the bodies of a lot of different people at the same time, I had to take responsibility for everything that any single person was responsible for. Had to endure all the consequences because I was responsible - I had made those mistakes (the different people were just different aspects of me).

To Ceuta

Two flights: Tallinn->Helsinki, Helsinki->Malaga. Enjoyed both, but liked Tallinn->Helsinki a bit more because of the view. Also, the plane was smaller and accelerated faster. The flight inspired me to practice levitation again.

Looked out of the window a lot, which strained the eyes, the neck and the right side of the body. Noticed the following:

• started seeing the crosshair of shadows at the center of the field of view;
• bright flashes of light, from the ground mostly;
• a few sudden movements in the cloud cover.

Tried cloud-bursting but it didn't seem to have worked, neither did cloud-shaping nor cloud-forming.

Sat next to a Finnish family and waitresses addressed me in Finnish. I don't know Finnish.

Slightly before arrival, I started feeling mother's presence on the ground. Though, I guess at that time the plane was still a hundred kilometres away from the destination.

Mom and Luis Carlos (a Hatha yoga teacher) said I probably brought Estonian summer with me because it used to be warmer and more sunny before I arrived. In Estonia, they are celebrating St. John's day (also known as Midsummer Night), which is often accompanied by rainy, windy (or even snowy weather).

Spent a night in Marbella, traveled further and took a ferry to Ceuta. Half-way to Ceuta, the rain clouds lagged behind. Yay, saw dolphins swim past the ferry. However, I was a bit too slow in deploying my camera so I didn't manage to record it.

One thing that caught my attention from the first day in Spain .. psi felt different. It felt as if the ground was slightly wobbling beneath the feet. The air felt fresh and smelled of flowers, the ground felt incredibly soft as well. Whenever I relaxed, I felt the healing vibrations right away. Healing feels effortless around here.

Can't understand Spanish, though. Luckily, Luis is also an English teacher.

Found the book "The Eye of the I - from which nothing is hidden" by David R. Hawkins and I was fascinated. The author is very precise in sentences and terminology while describing the spiritual stuff that is very difficult to put into words. Seems to be a very good book.

An off-topic attempt at photographing a seagull at night. It didn't work too well, due to my shaky hands.

Dropping forks

After the graduation on Tuesday, I was walking with father, sister and grandparents. A girl jogged past. While jogging past, she somehow managed to turn her head and look at me about 5 times. Made me wonder if I had pasta on my face after visiting the restaurant or something.

Participated in an event, organized by the rector for cum laude graduates yesterday. While walking there, a pretty girl walked past me and looked at me with a sweet smile. At the event I noticed that a different pretty girl turned around and looked at me like 20 times. While at the table of snacks, she did not approach or say anything. Also found a fork laying on the grass next to a table. Picked it up and gave it to a waitress. Witnessed people drop two grill sticks. Witnessed a girl drop a fork, which she picked up. The plate of another girl caught my attention - I knew the fork would fall in a few seconds. It did, but she couldn't pick it up. So, I did it. I was puzzled at what was going on with those forks. It got cold and then got soaked in rain while on my way home.

Three nights ago I had a lot of dreams. I visited several countries and saw a lot of things .. until I found myself on top of a roof. Answered a phone call from uncle's wife, I think it was IT related. Found a suspicious device on the roof with a cell phone nearby. Due to a dream state, electronics worked weird. Disarmed it and took parts with me for investigation. That was a mistake. The next moment I'm having problems with too many bags of pointless stuff to carry and load into the car trunk. While dreaming, avoid taking stuff with you.

Two nights ago I had a dream where me, an old friend and his brother were driving up a slope. The slope became more and more steep. Some time later we were all using willpower and manual force to push the car up. We left the car behind and continued on foot. Kept climbing with muscles aching. We reached a plateau and almost set up the camp there. Noticed that there was an even higher plateau a short climb away and asked if we would like to go there, instead. The others went ahead while I was packing the camp. Noticed that the ground was very detailed, however, each time I looked at the ground, there was more stuff to pack. While dreaming, avoid taking stuff with you (again). Another team of climbers went past me, towards the higher grounds.

Edit: Remembered that a couple of days ago after work, a few people from our project as well as a few from another project were transported back to the town after work. In the other project, there was a girl whom I hadn't seen before. Tried to randomize my route, because she was walking the same path that I usually take. Some 60 meters later, she turned around, walked to me and asked if I was also going towards the town centre. She asked a lot about what I do, what I studied and so on, so I asked her a few similar questions in the end.

Last night I had a dream where I was on a bus for most of the night. I was sitting next to a pretty girl. A connection had formed between our heart chakras and we were in love. At the end of the dream, we arrived at work?! Though, the place looked different. The two of us entered a room for discussing the future or something. I thought I had forgotten my backpack somewhere (usually don't have it with me in the dreams). She had somehow known to take it with her, which seemed strange even in the dream. Someone else entered the room and started discussing something with the girl.

After this dream, I recognized the superstition of dropping forks from yesterday.
Today, uncle's (a different uncle) wife called and asked something IT related.

All in all, it seems that the excitement is one of the keys. With this excitement, there is happiness, which seems to make women look twice. However, I've actually lost track of the excitement .. it's not always there. Could only maintain proper focus on it for slightly less than a week. Shall practice more.

This excitement seems to be a sort of dual presence - in the physical and in the astral. Without the astral, the physical does not have a glare. The excitement comes from being able to interact with the astral from the physical realm.

Kicked out :)

Took a nap and focused on the heart chakra, then moved a bit lower. Regular hypnagogic imagery but started seeing smoke rising from the images (as an overlay).

Today I was kicked out of school, with a paper that says I'm extra nerdy. In a year I'll be back for extracting more nerdium. Interesting synchronicity again .. how different events automagically fall together, as if there were a great mastermind with a great plan somewhere.

It became cold today .. 7 *C, windy and raining. I heard there had been a brief snowfall in one of the towns.

Visited a shop for a cake. Not sure if it was geisting or not, but a couple of packages of something fell down from the shelf somewhere. I thought there was somebody there but when I turned around and looked, nobody was there. Thought of walking there and putting the packages back to the shelves. But didn't. Then forgot.

Personal universe

Laid down in bed, with the excitement and intent to succeed in OBE. Body awareness had faded into the background but I was not asleep yet. At first I was a bit surprised that when I looked inside me, I saw dark and gloomy hypnagogic imagery (thought I had damaged something or why would it look so depressing - at first I thought I saw images of bloody corpses or something). Thought "well .. whatever" and just kept observing. The dark and gloomy shapes morphed into patterns of tiny lights. I was moving away from the direction I was looking at .. or growing larger .. couldn't tell. More and more tiny lights and glowing dust entered the field of view, so that eventually I saw them perform patterns of 3d surfaces. The experience was not very vivid, though.

I guess something caused me to scratch my nose. Woke and realized I had just scratched my nose instead of enjoying OBE. Interestingly though, for a minute I saw the same patterns everywhere I looked. For example, when I looked at the ceiling, I saw the patterns of star clusters and nebula dust as sort of shadows on the bright grey ceiling.

I've been feeling rather light for the past few days. Occasionally there have been jolts in consciousness, during which I've felt weightless. I've also started seeing the golden-white light again. All of these side-effects are from focus on excitement. There are several kinds of excitement, it seems. Like one for each chakra.

Perhaps tonight I will be successful in OBE .. let's see *rubs palms together in excitement*.

Dream: Hi-power lamps

Thanks to Arramu, who used the word "excitement" in one of his posts on the psychokinesis forum. The word triggered something in me. Realized I had taken detachment too seriously. Excitement is what turns chores into meditation exercises, not willpower. Willpower is a side-effect of excitement. While focused on excitement, the sky became bluer, grass greener again.

With excitement in mind, tummo revived as well.

One of the dreams stood out. I was in the living-room at summerhouse. The lights needed replacement. I didn't have exactly the same bulbs and had to take "slightly" more powerful ones. Tried the lights. The initial current draw was so great that all the other rooms went dark while the living-room lights only flickered. Tweaked something here and there, probably to limit the peak current and decided to try again. Switched it on, the room lit up without affecting the other rooms much. A moment later, I noticed that the lamps were so powerful that something had started to melt on the ceiling. Flipping the light switch no longer had any effect, the lamps had become self-sustaining. So, I just observed stuff on the ceiling melt .. it poured a lot .. similar to heavy rain but indoors.

Focus on the inner light

Sensitive lab tests are not my cup of tea. It's tough to exclude the experimenter from the test. The test setup was such that the DUT was hanging on a string, between Helmholtz coils. Something hanging on a string seems like psi-wheel for my mind. Tried to avoid eye contact with DUT during sensitive moments. However, yesterday it still happened that semi-subconsciously I jerked the DUT. There were some other mind-boggling effects that ruined yesterday's tests. Didn't encounter these effects during the previous tests. Ah, actually, a few days ago there was another problem .. one of the sensors went berserk in a way that I haven't witnessed during the 1+ year of testing with them.

Took a nap today and did something unusual. I've often looked inside myself and seen a light in there. So far I have just treated it as a part of hypnagogic imagery and ignored it. I saw a faint pattern of lights on top of the head. As I focused on it, it sort of grabbed my attention. I was amazed at how easy it was to maintain a blank mind with focus - it was effortless. Within seconds, I felt myself slipping into a deeper state of consciousness. Though, a reflex re-focused me onto the surface again. Still, it had a great effect on both the mind as well as the body.

Forgiven

This piece of conspiracy stuff seems to have widened my perspective a lot:
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/transforusa/transformation.htm

Since reading it last weekend, the world somehow seems more as a whole. I have recognized myself in a lot of people as well as I have recognized the aspects of those people in myself. I have realized just how ignorant I used to be. Forgiving to these aspects of myself has dissolved a few clouds of confusion. Somehow I can see these aspects for what they are and I'm no longer afraid of them .. I feel compassion and empathy towards them.

All the stories about mind-control have provided a lot of inspiration and tips for designing myself. I'm amazed at how powerful human mind actually is. Inspiration usually wears out after a while .. hope to get it self-sustaining somehow.

Vine swinging

From a couple of nights ago, I remember a dream. I was at the summerhouse. There were really tall trees around the place and there was a thick vine hanging from one of the trees. Grabbed the end of the vine, with the intention to enjoy swinging over building roofs. Though, soon I realized that instead of swinging, I was actually flying. Swinging just didn't work in that dream.

Tried to go to sleep early last night, due to which I woke at 4 AM or something. The recent habit of sleeping 6 hours instead of 8..

Ok, thesis defended. It wasn't that bad .. got an A. Thank you all!

Interesting synchronicity events. Though, due to being nervous, I ignored some of the cues from the subconscious.

Conspiracy stuff

Visualized myself become golden-white light from inside out, while I was walking to/from school. The more vividly I visualized it, the more people seemed to stare. Also, a dog was drawn towards me .. until the owner called it away.

Absurd dreams with a lot of symbols.

Due to a messy sleep schedule and a lot of daily naps, I couldn't sleep Friday night. Started reading some thick conspiracy stuff again from bibliotecapleyades. This caused a few emotions to surface. Tried to channel them to inspiration for pk-practice. Last night I also focused on unconditional empathy and compassion towards everyone involved in the conspiracy stories.

Today morning I somehow managed to open a GNumeric spreadsheet without moving the mouse or clicking on it. It just opened up when I thought of it. That's a first - hasn't happened before.

For the past few days, I've occasionally sensed an astral teacher observe me and share advice. It's difficult to pick up, both as if the signal were weak as well as from a foreign mind (tough to translate). While I tried to channel the conspiracy-induced emotions into inspiration, I probably forced it too much. Received a comment (a compressed feeling) of what would happen if I kept at it like that. Re-decided to take a smoother path for pk practice and tuned the inspiration and willpower accordingly.

Ah, right .. last night I suddenly became aware of myself floating above a city as a cloud of consciousness. Flew around above a skyscraper, enjoying the street lights shimmering from the windows of the buildings. I could touch the buildings, the streets with my mind. The image remained vivid for perhaps a minute, without effort. Actually, thought about stepping out but ended up being drawn back in. So I just released it, let it be without focusing on the visual and tactile feedback. A blackout. Thought it was my fault due to releasing it too quickly or something. Tried to undo it but electricity only went back on for a split-second. Released it again, after which I popped out of the image.