Am now

Yup ::..tired..:: crawls to bed.

A fellow team member called me from a state of deep sleep. Was too confused at first, didn't quite remember how to use a phone, didn't remember the guy who was calling. Didn't know where I was.

However, I was well aware of the problem he was about to describe. Had seen it some time ago and knew every word he was going to say next, even though the words and sentences directly didn't seem to make sense. The brain was still booting up and mind hadn't woken yet.

Earlier in that deep powerdown state, I remember looking at the central channel. There was a stream from bottom up, which broke into pieces on the way up. Felt and heard the pieces moving up the channel.

Inspired by last night's discussions with Mom, I guess I sought for a master in the depths of the mind. Today's walks have been filled with questions to the master and answers from him. Mom plans on going to India to study healing. I had been planning on going there some day as well, though, then I would be away for years. Maybe some years later.

Something that I wanted to blog as well:

A couple of days ago it happened that after waking up, I felt like holding the breath for some time. That was so far the longest breath cessation experience. Breathing through the central channel somehow. I guess it lasted for about a couple of minutes.

U sure u not sleepy?

It's been rather warm .. and slippery recently. Tried the good old spiky construct for making boots anti-slip. If it worked, it wasn't too effective.

Subconscious came up with something pretty efficient. The feeling of having a good grip, perhaps with a slight feeling of pull towards the ice surface. Also, the posture was pushed upright and more perpendicular to the ground. Pretty cool how well this seemed to have worked. Though, still stepped cautiously, just in case.

Recently, I've been seeing the light again, while walking to work in the morning. Sometimes the weather is cloudy and dull, sometimes there's a hint of a sunrise somewhere through the cloudcover. Still, within a radius from the body, the snow seemed to be reflecting light as if there was sun shining from behind me. A faint shadowless light, white with a slight yellow tint to it.

Yesterday or two days ago (lost track of time due to a 20+ hour worknight), there was a strong feeling from the town and townspeople. This feeling was familiar from the last cycle (few years of spirital circle / spiral) and yet it didn't seem to have sourced from my mind. Became a bit entrained to this feeling, altered it slightly and weather changed. Sky gradually became more clear and weather warmed up a bit.

Some evening I noticed that focus had drifted to the centre of the brain, causing the area to feel dense, floaty and quite warm.

Strange, usually I've had a lot of trouble staying awake late. Though, last night 2 yawns was enough to keep up till morning. Somehow, there was plenty of energy to keep me going .. noticed a slight decrease in the reaction speed and accuracy of this body and that's all.

At home, felt like going straight to bed. Some random shallow sleep for less than 2 hours and couldn't sleep for longer. Welcomed Mom, who's back from Spain, ate and meditated (didn't feel like sleeping) some.

Noticed a specific buzz of discomfort in the body. This might be the source for feeling clumsy or less accurate. In addition to this buzz, there was a feeling of a lot of energy flowing about.

The moment of weighing the satellite was pretty fun. "What the? Oh, you've got to be kidding me." As it turned out, it was exactly 1.000 kg. The chances of getting this number that precisely didn't seem too great.

Took a day off for change. Joined the rest of the family on Hobbit at the cinema. At some moment, I got the feeling of some trouble, in relation to the satellite. The attitude towards the satellite dropped remarkably. Called one of the guys later for status update and it turned out that a couple of things did break during the vibration and / or shock tests.

Dense blobs

Recently, there has been this sensation of pain (and cracking) on top of the skull. The feeling of the top of the head opening up again.. Released shards of the natural shields to let the psi run more freely.

At the centre of the brain, there's a dense blob of psi. When I focus on it, it feels as if everything around me were morphing or wobbling in space-time.

Yesterday, I had a nice chance to meditate and practice pranayama before bed (usually I get home late and due to being hungry, eat late, which makes it pretty uncomfortable to practice pranayama). Recently, there has been a dense blob of psi at the navel. Sometimes I've had to move some away from there, to cope with it a bit better. Moved psi from the navel through the head, which was already at high psi pressure. Occasionally experienced mild headaches.

An empty post

A lot of rather peaceful visions lately.

Felt really tired yesterday. Managed to break a lot of code at work.

Slept an hour extra today, felt some cold in the body. Let it up and out. Then something happened, a piece of something cold went into the head and stayed there. Have been feeling more aware, floaty and more awake since that happened.

:)

Tried once more to change the attitude to being gentle outside of the body and leaving it unchanged inside. Became quite energized with a lot of psi buzzing around, causing it to feel powerful from the inside. For about 4 times, I almost lost the energy.

A couple of days ago, I had been feeling a bit floaty while discussing something with a team member. Right when I looked at him, he said: "Whoa, suddenly felt real dizzy for a moment."

After a somewhat stressful meeting today morning, I had to leave 'work'. Due to stress, the psi channels had shrunk and I was feeling cold from the inside. A thought was born: "I wonder how I can get warm again.." Just around the corner, there was a cute girl, who offered a free cup of glöggi to warm up. Alcohol free, of course. It was next to a church, where they were having a winter fair, as it turned out. That cheered me up a lot.

Happy New World to everyone! ;-)

700 A beautiful mix

Thanks to all of you, you helped me realize something important.. =)

Ate some carrots with dip sauce yesterday evening. Somehow, raw vegetables seem to ease the flow of psi. Less blockages and trapped psi. On the other hand, it doesn't fill the stomach.

Watched Dragon Ball Z and went to bed, energized and full of excitement.

Before bed, performed some physical movements by moving psi along. Then meditated for a few minutes.

Occasionally I felt or saw something interesting inside. Sometimes, for less than a split-second, there would be a field with a color, smell, taste and feeling of my favorite. Wanted to grab it, to focus the mind on it, but it disappeared too quickly.

Laid down in the bed, trying to keep the attitude of being gentle towards the bed and everything around me. This time I did not attempt to push away any violent or arrogant thoughts or feelings in relation to power. I let them be there, just trying to be gentle at the same time.

Before, I had had the habit to feel these two being mutually exclusive. Had considered it difficult to maintain the gentleness and caring attitude while feeling powerful enough to accidentally destroy it. So far I had almost always suppressed one of these, then a while later I've suppressed the other one and so on.. always feeling there's something missing.

Yesterday it happened that the two ingredients got mixed evenly, making a light-blue liquid that felt like just the thing I've been longing for since birth. This mix had the true feeling of the 'I' for me. This is what I've wanted to be, what I've wanted to feel like. Suddenly, a lot of stuff clicked together from experiences, habits, favorite properties on stuff, astrology, zodiacs.

This liquid had the Kundalini flow into the rest of the body. A high pressure on all the channels, but it still stayed within the physical limits.

Experienced multiple moments, when it became uncomfortable to breathe. Felt what would happen if I stopped breathing .. an explosion. At first I tried to keep it down. At some moment, I grabbed the feeling of this balanced mix, kept the breath and took the ride, trying to maintain the balance for as long as I could.

After just a few seconds of holding the breath, the light blue mix reached a critical mass of sorts, causing a white explosion of inner light. A great state of bliss appeared everywhere. This immense feeling of pleasure caused a waking OBE. This lasted for about 10 seconds or something. From there I also felt a way to leave for the spiritual world. Decided not to go there yet.

Realized that the chain of chakras that's all over the web nowadays .. it's probably just half of it, much like what Nassim Haramein found out on the geometry of the universe. I guess each chakra should have its counterpart on the other side of the body. This would seem to fit together with the principles of Yin and Yang, or a male and female union.

Eating and flying

In the following dreams, chilled around with sister and Mom. They showed me great places to eat. Ate a lot.

Bored in one of the dreams, decided to fly over the town. What an awesome feeling, especially when flying up over the edge of a building. Again, both the scenery and time of the year changed while flying around.

A few neat pages on Dharma and the Yugas:
http://www.krishna.es/complexdharma.html
http://www.thewakeup.co.uk/2010/08/21/history-and-the-yugas/
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/esp_precession.htm
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/esp_precession_a.htm

Question with a cryptic answer

It's pretty late, but wanted to wake up and write this down.

Worked up the intent to venture a bit further.

Closed the room door.

Meditated first, letting the mind play with the fluid nature of psi in front of the body. Saw all sorts of shapes and figures appearing. A colorful dot (bluish white) appeared at a wall, stayed there for maybe 30 seconds, then disappeared. There was another colorful dot, a weaker one that appeared in a vortex, swirling around on the edges. In the background of all this, there was focus on the sound / feeling of the 'flame' inside the body.

Laid down and noticed dark spots in the aura, somewhere at the chest area. Got the image of a wrecked battleground, when I looked into these.

Visualized the body without internals, just filled with light. Had that going on in the background and then add some more light and warmth to specific locations of focus.

About 30 minutes later, there was one spot remaining .. the one that I had already spent the most time on. The actual problem looked pretty small, but the effects were great - most likely the rest of the spots had spread out from it. Narrowed down the spot, tried to melt it to no avail.

Wondered what the problem was. Visualized the light and heat inside the body increase 2-fold. Heard, felt and saw it becoming brighter as well as warmer in the mind's eye. Heard the stormy wind outside increase, snapping sounds of objects around me also increased. Focused on that tiny bug once more, trying to heal it. Nothing, it's still there, giving off the feeling that unless I fix it, it's gonna be vital sometime soon.

Tried to focus in and ask it what the problem was. Let the mind free, observed it for any clues. A lot of spam, but no answer.

Fell asleep, or into a half-dream state of sorts. Heard father wake up and go to the computer in the other room. The door was open. Now that I think about it, the balcony window seemed larger also. Anyway, as I was laying there, I noticed something weird.

On the window, some sort of a pattern appeared. It looked pretty foreign, or even alienish to me and couldn't decipher it. It was displayed like a bluish white projection on the glass, on the background of what I usually see when I look out of the window. The first page was displayed for a longer period of time, then it smoothly scrolled down until the end of the text. Then it jumped back at the beginning and restarted. This first message was shown 3x. Then there was another message, which was displayed just once.

Told Dad through the open doorway: "There's an alien message on the window.."

Tried to imply telepathically that it's too cryptic for me to understand at the moment. A visitor appeared (a middle-aged man in black with a hat). OBE'd out into the room to discuss this with him. Wanted to tell father about this also, but couldn't speak in that state. So I just closed the door.

We sat down in the middle of my room. He didn't say anything, he just was. At some moment I started to doubt my ability to keep focus in there for longer. That man disappeared also. Wanted to experience another OBE, thinking perhaps he was still there.

Woke up into the body. Woke up with the body, checked the clock, looked around, thought about it. Went back to sleep (which, I think, happened in the dream).

Tried to wake up once more, but found it difficult - took effort this time. Still, got up.

Tried to wake up once more, this time I couldn't do it, sleep paralysis was too strong.

Woke up spontaneously. Found the room in a disarray. Mattress was missing, pillow was off the bed, I was sleeping on the blanket rolled up in a corner of the bed. Thought: "Wow, what a dream to have caused me to do this."

Started to clean that up. Woke up once more, in sweat (probably due to the heat practice). Dad had gone to sleep.
------------------------------------
As a sidenote, before these dreams, I read some texts about Dharma, Yugas and started to wonder about these.

Before managing to open this blog, a page of "Darvill's Rare Prints. Fine antique prints and maps since 1918." popped up. Had expected the browser to shortcut to DaWeird, which it didn't.

From the analytical point of view (of the dream mind), the message might've been a warning with something extra.

Light from the Matrix

From a night or two after that flying dream, I remember one with walking on water. Didn't consider myself capable of walking on water and took a hike around some sort of a lake, whereas a friend went straight across it.

A couple of days ago, one of the traffic buttons got triggered before I even managed to touch it. Haven't seen that happen during the winter (usually I have to wipe and touch it at least 5 times before it gets triggered).

Today morning, during one of the clock-checks, something interesting happened. Woke up and looked at the clock projection on the ceiling. Strangely enough, everything looked really bright and well-lit. Noticed that this light seemed to be emanating from a grid-like structure on / within everything. The grid of these bright yellowish-white dots looked fairly regular. A bit puzzled, I continued looking at the projection in hopes to find out what it's about. Without effort, I could shift the clock projection around on the ceiling. I guess at some moment this light slowly faded away and everything looked normal again. The projection stayed where I thought I had moved it. Couldn't move it that easily anymore. Might've blinked for a few times, but otherwise the eyes were open for the whole time. Recall having experienced something similar once, a couple of years ago. Weird, wonder what this is.

Edit: Ah, sweet .. found the previous one:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2010/09/photon-dislocation.html

For a couple of times, there seem to have been a few minor glitches in time.

Glanced at a radio electronics board built by one of the team members. They were observing the receiver decoding packets at the other end of the lab. Anyway, while looking at that board and the power supply, I got a feeling of this system .. silence for a few packets. Dissolved the stasis that had formed semi-subconsciously and it was working again.

Flying night

Circulated psi through the body and outside of it before going to bed last night.

Felt the power of psi flowing around. Saw the thin border between power and fear of it (due to lack of control). Found that a lot of this power came through something dark attached to what I think might be the etheric body. Focused on this dark cobweb-like thing and hugged it from the heart. The thing became smaller, brighter and more cute .. reminded me of panda or something.

The dreams were bright and vivid. Among them, the most incredible flying dream so far.

Visited a cottage somewhere in the woods. Knew that Kevin (another psion) and his brother were staying there. On my arrival, Kevin woke up, tried to wake up his brother but to no avail (in too deep a sleep). With Kevin, we started the journey to our summerhouse .. flying. Flying through the forest with picturesque scenery (from various times of the year). It was a lot of fun to dart through from between tree branches, pick up speed and so on. Arrived at the summerhouse. Kevin decided to opt for walking and warned me about the hawks (kind of familiar, I guess I've been warned about those before). Said I'm ok and would keep a low altitude. In in-dream time, this journey might have lasted for about a day (or slightly less), whereas in wake time it seemed to have been a couple of hours.

Today was a rather stressful day. Though, everything was fine actually.

Some moments of feeling weightless. A coworker showed signs of being psychic (described what was going to happen some seconds ahead).

At home, I happened to see something dark about me. A moment of empathy with something evil.

Chikara

Awesome.. Dragon Ball, I mean. Still shaking of excitement and inspiration.

Had a feeling of a rather free weekend from Friday. Felt like watching Dragon Ball again. Well, that's how the weekend turned out.

Shall be focusing more on moving psi around again..
--------------------------------------
On Friday evening, I guess something was following me. When a dog saw me, it started barking. However, when I walked past it, it didn't bark at me .. it barked at something behind me.

In a half-dream state last night, I saw a witch (a classical one, Walt-Disney style). I guess she wanted power. Kept observing her, which freaked her out. She became quiet, though, then some sort of a powerful monster appeared and tossed her away. Became suspicious about this attitude. Continued observing that monster but probably fell asleep.

Chakras - black holes?

While watching that 7-hour video of Nassim Haramein's lecture, a few images have popped up in the mind.

He was describing the sun gods, tall as they had been according to him. Saw an image of the sun gods appearing on the streets from a sphere of light in my mind's eye. That was pretty vivid.

When he described the Ark of the Covenant and the vortex that it most likely generated, the vortex of cloud and flames became vivid in the mind's eye. Along with it, the feeling of power was there as well.

Images, feelings and emotions of false expectations for "the end of the world" as well. A lot of people are thinking it would turn their lives for the better, somehow. Liberation, peace, etc. Though, a shortcut it definitely is not.
---------------------------------------
An idea that there might actually be more than one geometry of equilibrium and that there might be more than one type of black hole.

What if each of the 7 most well-known chakras is a black hole? Perhaps centres of equilibrium at different "planes of existence" or frequencies. Well, for the chakras, the structure or geometry is different. It seems as if the higher the chakra, the more petals, the higher resonant frequency, the more stable the balance between the forces and so on.

Started to wonder about the 3rd eye, which is depicted with 2 petals (less than 1000, which would be the number of petals for the crown chakra). Found this on wikipedia:

In Tibetan Buddhism, this point is actually the end of the central channel, since the central channel rises up from the sexual organ to the crown of the head, and then curves over the head and down to the third eye. While the central channel finishes here, the two side channels continue down to the two nostrils.

From this perspective, Nassim Haramein might be describing the geometry of the realm that we're currently focused on the most (most likely conceived to be at the center - heart chakra). From the subset of 7 most well known chakras, there would be 3 chakras below the central one (less petals or force vectors to balance the system? Less stable?) and 3 above the central one (more forces to balance the system? More stable?).

Food for thought? Amazing, how much I've eaten and how hungry I've still been today.

A bit tired

Have been feeling somewhat tired today. Well, actually, did yesterday too. And the day before .. now there's been some days with less than 12 or 15 hours of work.

Sneezed for a couple of times today. Felt pretty floaty occasionally (not related to the feeling of weightlessness, though). More like bouncing out of the body and back.

Let go of some of that stuff, erupting warm psi off into the surroundings. Could feel the waves of psi slowly moving away from the body (roughly 2 inches per minute). Got some cold chills after that.

Started to experience a mild headache. Remembered some of the karmic traces that I've left without attention.

Somewhat cool .. today's Naruto Shippuuden episode looked a bit related.

Spontaneous breath-freshening

Tried to have the body fall asleep without maintaining it in the half-dream state for too long. Wanted it to feel more fresh in the morning.

Became a bit overwhelmed while coding and debugging at work. Reached a trance-like state and felt something open up in the head again.

A taste (and feeling) similar to mint appeared in the mouth. It seemed to have breath-freshening properties and a slightly sweet taste. Somewhat familiar, though, I can't remember the taste of mint from the previous experiences.

Intuition had me practice light-stepping on snow again. Had troubles visualizing the feeling of weightlessness and levitation today. However, for a few times it happened that I got attuned to the feeling of the snow surface being rock-solid.

A precog of the lab?

I guess now a couple of nights ago, there was also a dream, which I recognized as precognitive.

So far, all of the precognitive dreams have had that bluish black veil to it. As if everything were in a slight dark blue fog of sorts.

Entered the lab .. knew it has been a long while. Some things were still familiar, though, everything had gone way more hi-tech. Even the middle room was full of electronics and some tools. Entered the lab and it was amazingly crowded. Had never seen that many people there. Something was going on in one of the cleanrooms, some people were soldering boards together and stuff. Most of them I didn't know, but some of them were the old guys. Recognized one of the old management guys and some from other parts of the project. I was welcomed.
-------------------------------------------------
Came home late yesterday and had difficulties falling asleep right away (had been hungry and had to eat before bed).

Suddenly, there was a period without mind. Breath didn't cease completely yet. This might've lasted for slightly less than a minute, I guess. Left the body there like that.

Later, I suddenly found the body overclocked with vibrations of psi. The frequency seemed to have doubled.
-------------------------------------------------
Felt really tired and dull today. Everyone wanted something of me again, just wanted to finish at least one of the things that I considered of highest priority.

Would occasionally feel myself becoming irritated. Happened to lean once and felt a pulsing in the crown chakra. This helped me to calm down quickly.

At home, I found one of the flowers drying up. Took a bottle to water it. Poured some .. it seems there was a dried leaf on the edge of the pot .. now there was water dripping down from the pot, onto the cabinet.

"Now ain't that sweet," I thought, noting that almost exactly the same happened a couple of years ago, during another cycle of this life.

Opened the cabinet and observed water dripping down on the clothes, cabinet doors, me and the floor. Emotionless, I started to clean that up. During this process, felt psi pulsing strong in the upper body.
-------------------------------------------------
Almost forgot. This lab dream had me wondering if I had been visiting the lab at night. The thing is, one morning the middle door was found unlocked. Also, for several nights (or mornings) in a row, there had been an alarm in the lab.

The room of someone else

Experienced a lot of 3rd eye sight on Saturday evening. Lost some more energy yesterday morning.

Tried light-stepping on snow yesterday. I guess there was just a little effect on the weight. Somewhat difficult to tell with the snowdrifts this shallow.
--------------------------------------
Among some of the other things that I realized recently, I got the feeling of black magic.

At the department store, happened to look at one of the clerks, while dad bought minced meat and realized that black magic is pretty much just leaving a mess at someone else's place. Almost like paying a visit to someone and not expressing respect and gratitude towards their hospitality. Along with it, I saw an image of someone's room in a mess.

Wouldn't have considered it important enough to blog about, but this morning, there were a couple of related dreams.
--------------------------------------
In one of the dreams, there was a multiplayer war game. Remembered that game, as well as that map there. Though, as nobody was playing it, the tanks, planes, helicopters were just standing there .. y'know, on a grid, as if in a map editor. Flew over the potential battleground, admiring the graphics, the detail and the ingenuity of the artists.
--------------------------------------
Flew home, I guess. Or at least, what seemed to be like home. Next to the roof of a building, there was a big pear tree. A blonde girl had climbed or flown up there. I guess I recognized her from some other dreams or something. Stopped by, she asked if I wanted a pear or two.

Thanked her, took one randomly and lifted off, holding a tree branch lightly. Looked at the pear, to take a bite and saw a worm climbing out. Blew the worm out and ate the pear.

Noticed something that I hadn't seen before. I thought I was next to the storehouse at our summerhouse. However, at a corner of the storehouse, there was a small room. Wouldn't have noticed that, if I hadn't stopped at the tree. Definitely someone else's - that girl's place?. It gave off a slightly frightening feeling.

Flew in .. no doors, nothing there, just an open doorway. The room was dimly lit with a yellow light. The walls were all made of wood. I guess there were a couple of windows or weren't there, can't remember. What really caught my attention, though, were these two bunches of red feathers hanging from the ceiling (via strings).

In that room, I started to feel that familiar feeling of fear (like that of the satan goat dream). The feeling of an immense power without a source - couldn't trace it, because it was absolutely everywhere. So, there was a choice, either I could let this fear enter me and resonate with me or I could just flee. Did neither of these. Tried to purify and transform it to something better.
--------------------------------------
Woke up in a bed at some foreign place. Mother was chatting with some of her acquaintances there. The one who woke up, told her about the dream.

Encouraged, I think I entered her Mom's room. Could just barely sense any fear. A rather small room, with a lot of furniture. All of this seemed to have been related to her past jobs. She had been working in a jury system? Cool. Found that the jury hammer was missing .. gently knocked on the table, listened to the sound and poofed away.

Million dollar question

Father found this lecture from Nassim Haramein:

7 hours, but what a nice overview of how the universe works.. =)
------------------------------------------
Discussed some of that stuff with father and asked him the million dollar question, certain that out of all the gurus from the dreams, he would have the answer today.

Guess what, he did.

To me, life has often seemed like a conveyor belt work. Walking up the same stairs over and over again, then falling back down and on for another ride (and fall). The seemingly infinite loops of enlightenment process with slipping and starting from scratch again. At least several months, if not years to get up the stairs again.

Took a shower and realized I've been whining about this taking months, when it actually should take tens of lifetimes. Missed the point, there's no rush, never has been.

I already know that it's the process that matters. Also, even though it looks so much the same, there are these little and yet absolutely vital details that I failed to notice during the previous cycles.

Still, from the holistic perspective, there shouldn't be anything to gain, lose or achieve.

Father's take on the point of life was the perfection of the process of enlightenment. Which means hundreds of times of trying, preferred without success. That is, because being successful doesn't mean mastery just yet.

He reminded me of how he had been trained to fly one of the interstellar saucers of the Greens. Hundreds of trials with different modes, menus and what not and none of them even close to successful. A lot of effort without fruit, and then the teacher would reprogram the device, after which, everything suddenly worked without effort. This sparked some thoughts in my mind.


If we take the alien way of teaching and consider all the obstructions laid on the path of mankind, we get the same process .. takes a lot of effort just not to sink in and drown. However, perhaps one day, the obstructions would be gone and we would have mastered a part of the enlightenment process pretty much without realizing it ourselves.

So, I guess the problem might be the guys (and gals), who keep finding those shortcuts or flaws in the system. In other words, us. For several times, someone has helped me (effectively having me skip the intermediate steps) or against all the odds, I've managed to break out of the loop with the help of self-suggestion and meditation.

Strange cylindrical object

In one of the dreams, there was a strange form of matter. A small cylindrical metallic-looking object (reflectance similar to that of aluminum) with some sort of a pattern on top.

Well, its properties changed with thoughts and emotions. I guess it occasionally lost its shape, melted and started boiling without changes in its physical environment. It didn't become hot when it started boiling.

Somehow felt the object being cross-dimensional by nature.

Changes..

In one of the dreams several days ago, I remember looking out of the window.

Strange clouds appeared in the sky. There was a sense of something about to happen. All sorts of bugs and animals appeared on the doors and windows, looking for ways to escape from what was about to happen. They wanted to get inside.

Might be a suggestion to stay indoors when it looks like something strange is about to happen.
------------------------------------
In another dream, there seemed to be some sort of a new generation of children. Brighter and more liberated than us old guys. Practised some parkour in a department store with them.
------------------------------------
The last few days have been quite stormy and snowy. Could perhaps practice walking on snow again soon.

After a few stressful moments some days ago, there was a sudden jolt in the awareness. Along with it, the top of the head opened up and something started trickling down the chest again.

That stress also caused the throat chakra to close up. As a side-effect, a painful pimple appeared on the skin, at the location of the throat chakra. After some meditation on the desired attitude towards life, it slowly disappeared again.

Struggle of honour

One night without disturbing dreams and then lost the energy with the next one.

A rather sad morning, full of karmic effects.

Realized that I often bash right in, when I see an obstacle. Then it hurts and the more it hurts, the more I increase the speed and force. Then it hurts even more .. so on.

Also, for some reason, the mind still considers difficulty as a matter of honour. The more miserable, the more humility, the more challenge, the better.

One more mind pattern: everything must be in balance. When there's joy, there must be misery and vice versa. However, when looked at from a holistic point of view, then nothing can be out of balance. So, the idea of balancing seems to be just a habit or a construct.

Want to overcome all this. Want to change the attitude towards everything.

I guess it might be rather funny and sad for me to look at me struggling there.

Cultivating

Had been having slightly disturbing dreams again. One of the most recent one was as follows:

We've been summoned to practice some sort of chorus songs on the stage. Well, most of us weren't doing that .. at least not all the time. We were aware that 'they' would come and check on us every now and then. Ignored it.

Here they came. Only 2 of us were singing (dream me and one of the girls). Seeing that we were not doing our job, 'they' formed a meeting. We took seats in a row. Noticed that to my left, all of the chorus members were male and to my right, all of them were female.

The ones I refer to 'they' might've been managers or something. Anyway, 'they' asked why we were not doing what we had been ordered to do. In chorus, we all asked them an existential question, which for us was more important than obeying any orders. The managers felt cornered and said they've been exposed and .. nude content. Fled in order to maintain the energy. They didn't know the answer anyway and had to opt for their last resort for control.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Practised some dangerous energy cultivation yesterday. Won the gamble and got to keep the energy and move it up into the head.

It was challenging to cope with the emotions yesterday evening. Though, by not acting (or thinking) on them, the emotions were converted into heat.

Picked up an old practice of visualizing the density and thickness of the psi field around the body today. Also, slept while trying to keep focus on the field as well as on the mattress and the pillow.

All of this together seems to be having a nice effect. Waves of heat, slushing psi field around the body and other familiar feelings.

Ideas on pranayama

Found something new in the good old pranayama practice.

It's usually suggested to breath out slowly. Though, I found it to be even more beneficial to breath into the central channel instead of breathing out from the body. With each such breath, a lump of hot psi formed in the navel. It would then slowly rise up the spine and go to the chakras above the head.

Another thing that is usually suggested is to keep the eyes open and keep the eyes fixed on the tip of the nose. For me, it usually feels better to close the eyes and then fix the focus on the tip of the nose. This would enhance blind-sight or 3rd eye vision as well.

Multiple moments of breath cessation during the evening.

Re-sparked the interest in learning martial arts (it's been 15 years). Feels right, for some reason.

Ideas on energy cultivation

Busy times.

Felt pretty floaty yesterday. Today I was just tired.

Might've caught cold again today morning. Hope I didn't .. found a point of concentration that kept me calm and warm enough.

Left the laptop at work yesterday evening, as I left for home late again. At home, meditated some before bed. Sister entered the dark room and said: "Wow, I can see your aura." According to her, it looked white-ish. She has also been seeing these blue and red flashes of light on people as well as white flashes at random places sometimes.

A couple of days ago I felt rather e-motionless. Though, now it feels like the mind is slowly focusing more and more on ego and emotions again.

For energy cultivation, it seems that the following are important:

• Eat well (a lot and varied food. Focus on the feeling of enjoying the food.)
• Sleep moderate (not too much, not too little. Focus on the feeling of enjoying the sleep.)
• Keep warm
• Regular mild physical exercise (it's good as long as it's not tiring)
• Sleep straight (don't crouch, don't turn much. Crouching tends to block the flow of psi.)
• While sleeping, you can have loops in the pose (resonant cavities between the Ida and Pingala channels) <- Feel I should draw some sometime
• Wash the body often (dirt comes with entities)
• Avoid resonating with emotions or feelings (tends to give birth to parasitic constructs or entities)
• Visualize your self as a wise sage and analyze everything with this intelligence and wisdom.
• Maintain the attitude of respect and gratitude towards everything you or others are or aren't, do or don't do.
• Sometimes focus inward (chakras, bindu points), sometimes outward - empathy with nature, people (have it slushing back and forth, to avoid sedimentation in the channels). Practice of pk is really useful here.

Increase in empathy

Had aborted a pk experiment that I had started with a great urge yesterday. Though, subconscious was still at it in the half-dream state.

Noticed an improvement in empathy today. Walked through a room full of young children and noticed their high level of empathy. A kid found himself in my way, happened to look at him once and recognized something familiar. He kept staring at me after that.

People on the street feel a bit different too.
-----------------------------------------------
It seems that the sadness and confusion are still burning. Joined father on a trip to a department store. Something got my attention there, walked up to it and it cheered me up a lot.

A bunch of transparent plastic flowers with multicolored LEDs inside.
A transparent plastic polar bear with matte finish, white LEDs lighting it up from the inside.
A similar lamp with the shape of a happy moose.

Zapper-based pulsed system

Had an interesting dream last night.

Like in many other dreams, the environment was a slightly modified version of the summerhouse.

We were in the old farmhouse, cleaning up. Or rather, a person was doing that, with some acquaintances. He / she (shall assume the former one) felt like a spiritual teacher or guru of sorts.

I was observing, knowing not what to do. Feeling empty and lacking a purpose, due to the last night's ponderings.

The teacher asked me if I could help him out with something. He wanted me to build an object for him .. he then continued to describe what it had to be like. Said ok and left for drawing it down, even though this task seemed as pointless as building a ladder out of bread. Respect it, but sometimes I would have difficulties realizing just how something like this would answer any of those questions. Perhaps the problem is that I tend to learn best from self-experience..?

Anyway, the object he wanted was a modified zapper. Pretty much an electrolytic capacitor that can be plugged into the mains to charge and can then be shorted to weld something together (or zap someone). Though, he put a lot of emphasis on the orientation and the placement of the wires.

Having gone to the other building to sketch it down and hatch some ideas, the words of the teacher faded away. There was a TV on, with a really awkward show (freaky mutants attempting to stimulate the sexual energy of people watching TV). Tried not to watch it and focus on the schematics instead. A moment later, the show transformed and got my attention .. it had started showing electromagnetic principles.

Suddenly it clicked together. That capacitor, those metal plates, spirals and wires .. realized the working principle of a ZPE active pulsed system.

To save the mankind! .. hold your horses, mate

Yesterday, a great urge developed again .. wanted to help the mankind.

Proposed the idea and it pretty much didn't echo. This is not the first time something like this has happened.

Took my time to analyze Owltwelve's points. Emotions started running wild and burning into heat, which propagated around the body. Occasionally visualized adding firewood to that fire, trying to keep it going .. and purifying the mind.

A few questions that have had me puzzled for quite a while:

1. What's the difference between acting and not acting?
1. If there's no difference, then how come one has to practise this and that to attain liberation? 
2. From the holistic perspective, there shouldn't be any need to learn anything, because everything is already there. There's nothing that needs to be done, because everything is doing by themselves.
2. Say you see someone struggling and intend to help them get through more easily. 
1. From the dualistic point of view, by helping them, you would be messing with their lesson of life. So, helping others would be more egoistic than actually not helping them? 
2. From the holistic point of view, by helping them, you would just end up helping other aspects of one higher self.
3. Honing skills just for one's own good is no good at all, right?
1. If by helping others, one would only be spoiling the lessons of the others, then what's the point of skills or superpowers anyway?
2. From the holistic point of view, there's no difference between oneself and others, so there wouldn't be any difference between honing skills for one's own good or for the good of the whole mankind.
3. However, from the holistic point of view again, there doesn't seem to be any place for skills anyway.
4. The good feeling of helping someone.. where does it come from? Ego? Emotions?
5. War can be defined as "an act of forcing an opinion on someone".
1. When one projects the feelings of love, caring and compassion towards someone, is this on par with an attack of violence?
6. It is said that one can't fight a war with another.
1. However, when one hugs their fears, these melt away. So, a projection of love and compassion towards fear and anger might seem to be a successful combo.
7. Love and care, wisdom and knowledge are associated with light and .. labelled as good stuff. However, what's propagated as a necessity for enlightenment, there's detachment aka "A wise man does not hug nor hate the world."
1. So, enlightenment wouldn't have much to do with love nor caring. Would associate more with cold-heartedly stepping out, leaving other people suffering. Rather selfish, no?
2. That doesn't make much sense, especially since from the holistic point of view, there's no "one" that has become enlightened. A man could only say they're enlightened when that's what all men are. This is not achieved by detachment.
3. The problem here is that both feel right and surely, we can read about different sorts of saints from the history.
8. A good quote from the movie "Hugo": "the world is like one big machine; and no machine has extra parts … every part has a purpose."
1. This doesn't seem to fit with the ideas of 
1. action and inaction being the same,
2. skills having no meaning,
3. there being nothing to do or learn (since everything is one whole anyway)

All of these questions lead to the million dollar question of the point of it all. By trying to answer these questions, it seems as if life had no point. There seem to be too many conflicts there, something about it seems off.

I guess some of the emotions did burn away during this pondering. Still, since this "battle" has been recurring, there must be something I'm yet to realize here.

Thank you all for bringing this up. Got to learn the point first, before any bold and dangerous attempts.

Serial experiments

A couple of nights ago, somewhere in the half-dream state, I focused on the sound of wind in the Sushumna channel. Hearing the noise clearly and loudly enough, it popped into mind to try to modulate it. Started up a humming sound somewhere, pitched up the frequency and applied it to the channel.

This resulted in a pretty weird sensation. Awareness popped out of body short after commencing the test.

Went straight to bed when I came home yesterday evening. Being out of ideas for the dreams, I got bored at 4 or 5 AM. Several meditation attempts. Woke up at 6 AM, with an intent to practice pranayama, but that was a yawn party.

Remembered one more experiment. On the way home yesterday, I visualized expanding the consciousness to the surroundings. Also, intended on becoming more connected to the physical realm. Started feeling and seeing hints of some sort of objects on the asphalt.

Somewhere during the half-dream state last night, I remember looking around in the room and seeing hints of a lot of objects everywhere. The space was thick of different lifeforms.

Quite likely that this was inspired by having seen The Mystery of the Third Planet a couple of days ago.

So far I've been seeing blue flashes of light everywhere. Though, on Friday evening, I saw red flashes of light on the head of a coworker while he was talking. Looked away and saw another. Then another and once more. Weird.

Garden of pk fun

A space exhibition was opened at the local science and tech popularization centre.

They had an old Russian satellite hanged up below the ceiling. What a feeling .. several tonnes hanging in the air.

Stared at it for a while from different angles.

Wanted to get the feeling of it. Could feel it moving and saw it swinging slightly. Still, thought it would be awesome to practise weight reduction and lift on it. Didn't acquire a good enough accuracy of the feeling of the object. Walked away in order not to look too suspicious.

Attempted stasis field on air bubbles in some sort of oil, too. That wasn't too successful, though.

Tried some sort of a simple game on gravity and space-time distortions. The goal was to hit the button at the right time and have a metal sphere tossed out from the central black hole so that it would travel the spinning plane and fall into a smaller hole. A few failed attempts, then something caught my attention, semi-accidentally hit the button and the sphere flew past the hole, got stuck at the edge of the plane. It was stuck there for a few seconds .. someone requested my attention .. looked back and the ball started coming back from the location where it previously got stuck. Missed the hole by a few mm. This sequence of events didn't look too probable.

A lot of stuff that would be fun to practice with. Had to go back to work, though.

Life design

Yesterday I decided to use pk on the chain of events in this life.

Today I felt different. Found something I had forgotten a while ago.

Everything's a construct, every thought, feeling, emotion leaves a trace. Better let it leave a good trace. Better for everyone.

There's this essence that causes emotions, feelings, thoughts and events. For the lack of a better word, I'll call it attitude. In a sense, it can be seen as attitude towards stuff in your life.

Focused on the attitude of elegance of sorts.

Envision your life, body and work as a design. Have it elegant, smooth and polished. This way it has little friction with its surroundings as well as any events that may hit it.
-------------------------------------------
While semi-consciously applying this elegance to walking on asphalt while going home, wind appeared and pushed me forward. Also, it felt as if the steps were enhanced by psi - long, fast, effortless, almost weightless.
-------------------------------------------
Several moments of clarity, which were reflected by sunshine from clear sky during a rather stormy day.

Dreams of emotion-control

Two days ago, had a dream, where I was observing some people. I guess there were 2 or 3 of them .. some sort of superheroes, saving people and stuff.

After a stressful day, I guess one of them lost to their emotions and transformed into some sort of a lifeform (non-human, but had some human features). These beings used emotions to find hosts. Among them, hosts with superpowers were especially treasured, because they could use the host's powers to some extent.

This being targeted another one of the group. He could see, feel them and put forth a lot of effort to fight it, but eventually got transformed as well. This guy that was born from him, looked different from the other one. He had held high hopes of acquiring the host's superpowers, but couldn't use them. However, he still believed he did. For most of the time, these beings had to rely on witchcraft anchored to objects (bones, some powders and rituals).

The new guy now targeted the 3rd one in the group (female, I guess). She had been observing the whole event and also knew what this was about. She stood calm and unaffected and didn't "die".





Next day, one of the coworkers commented on having been vamped upon.
------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday evening, after practising some Trataka, I had a dream where I almost lost most of the the cultivated energy again.

Held it for as long as I could and at some moment the dream transformed. Suddenly saw, how the figure of attraction was actually a monster. A partially failed experiment. The dream ended by feeling compassion towards that creature.

Nothing to say

Got home really late yesterday. Because of this, ate late and thus couldn't practice pranayama before bed.

It seems to have become a bit more difficult to control the emotions again. Mind wanders more, less silence. Trying to free it more with meditation.

Experienced how mind gives birth to emotion-based constructs. This took a lot of energy and produced something that might come to haunt.

Sorry to everyone, to whom I might've caused harm this way.

Would like to take a weekend off work, for change. It's been a while since the last time I had a free weekend (or weekday). Also, it seems that the upcoming weekend shall be packed with long working hours too. On the other hand, I love being a no-lifing workaholic and I love being somewhat asocial. Makes me feel content with my service to this world. Would be awesome if I learned to meditate through work again.

Have been pretty floaty again lately. Some sudden jolts in the placement of consciousness, relative to the body.

Asked a few questions from a practical instructor. During one of them, I saw a bright blue flash of light at the head of a girl in the classroom. Considered it strange that I would see it on someone else. Previously I have seen it on objects close by, on objects that I've touched or on mirror once.

Superfluid lubricant

Today it took less effort to stay unaffected by emotions.

Another familiar astral liquid (or an aspect of the same bindu fluid) started to melt out. For the rational mind, this one associates with a superfluid lubricant or oil of sorts.

Light and smoke

Wished I would start seeing through the Maya again. Roughly at the same time I remembered a vision from last night.

Had been meditating on a point in the body, I guess, when I started to see light surrounding me from almost every direction. Continued and gradually, more and more light would shine through. After a while, I noticed that to my right, there was a grey-white cloud of smoke, always changing shape. The smoke had been obscuring my sight, but now I had somehow stepped out of the cloud. This smoke was extraordinary in the sense of being alive and being connected to me, a bi-location feeling of sorts.
-------------------------------------
That curse of going to work and working late on a Sunday that's also a holiday..

Found it difficult to cope with the emotions at first. Immediately felt better after getting something to eat. Then, stuff magically started working again.
-------------------------------------
One thing that I've come to notice is that having the body shape form loop helps to energize it. As if the formed cavity started resonating and trapping energy.

Love to sleep with feet and hands forming loops. Though, sometimes I would wake up so energized that it's difficult to manage it all.

Loads of work

More work and less free time with the deadlines approaching.

Another long day and continued till midnight at home. Left the laptop building stuff.

This had me bounce a lot between the wake and deep sleep states.

At one point, there was something interesting going on with the 3rd eye. When I breathed in, it felt as if I was breathing through the 3rd eye, not through the nose or mouth. When I breathed out, it went through the nose. I guess at first the 3rd eye closed when I breathed out and opened again when I breathed in. Changed it to keep it open constantly. Seemed to have worked.

Often found myself staring at the room with my eyes closed. No colors, but it was dark anyway.
-----------------------------------------
All sorts of work-related dreams. Most of them were nightly meetings with other fellow workaholic colleagues. Found it interesting that we were discussing stuff in a dark room and we were aware of it still being the night.

Then, discussions in some foreign room in a foreign country, I guess. Saw 2 people landing with wingsuits outside. They had superman logos on their suits. Pretty stylish, I thought and showed it to one of the colleagues.
-----------------------------------------
During the night, got the feeling that it had finished building. Woke up and it was true. Typed install .. facepalm ..  it caused a full rebuild. Got no more 'notices' and woke up while it was still building.

Put on the headphones to listen to music. This stimulated the bindu point at the back of the head and something cool started trickling down to the throat. That  familiar feeling, that familiar taste.

Cupped in at the throat and now it seems to have started emitting heat.

Heavy healing

Recently, all sorts of psychic heat topics have spawned on the forums.

Yesterday, I felt my back being at dis-ease. Practised keeping focus on a certain point in the spine.

Went to bed early, intending to be refreshed for the morning drive.

The chest started to hurt. A lot. Could perhaps sleep for 3-4 hours and spent the rest of the time healing. After several hours of healing, it was finally possible to self-diagnose it. Caught cold 3 days ago. It was raining pretty seriously on Monday and it was windy as well, so I got soaked and then blown through.

Actually I was amazed that today I felt more refreshed than a few days ago.

Now there's motivation for integrating some of that practice into the daily life again. Need it to keep this body alive.

Dream, UFOs at the sea

Two nights ago, I had multiple dreams, all of them relaying the same idea. We were sneaking into some sort of a building with a lot of security around. Though, for some reason, there didn't seem to be any reason for us to be sneaking - everyone welcomed us as equals. This was probably induced by playing Fallout 2 and sneaking past the geckos, only to realize they wouldn't attack me anyway.

Slept most of the night in a half-meditative pose last night, which made me feel really good. Really enjoyed sleeping, thanks to this.

Had a couple of interesting dreams.
---------------------------------------
Visited some sort of a museum (haven't seen any quite like it). I guess it was in the same town, an old library building. The museum had been built into the attic. The floor was uneven, but everything else looked pretty clean and new.

Expected to see a lot of books there, but there were only a few. Couldn't spot any secret ones on the shelves there, just old books. Instead, there were honeycomb-like structures with some rather strange skulls and bones. "Some really weird species of bees," I thought. More strange-looking and completely foreign objects, which I can't remember. While trying to remember more details, I get the feeling that there was something related to Egypt, aliens and non-mainstream electronic devices.

Sometimes I would want to ask from the guide, but she .. well, walked away while talking about the exhibitions. I thought she just went back to her room or something. That wasn't of too much help, though.
---------------------------------------
Woke up, checked the clock (postponing it by 30 min) and dreamt on.

There's this other guy (I guess), who has been accompanying me in the last 10+ dreams (or more). I guess he might be one from the group, whom I had had to obey a while back. Anyway, he seems calm and well-behaved, but somewhat passive (mostly just observing). Also, he has never spoken anything so far, only occasional empathy.

This time, however, something happened and he showed it to me.

We were at the sea, on top of some sort of a watchtower or something (just a few meters high). It looked like summer, sky was almost clear, with some thin clouds drifting about. Sea was rather calm, mild wind. A familiar coastline with familiar trees, plants and stones, but a foreign place.

Suddenly, a white pillar appeared at the sea, causing a bunch of waves to propagate from there. That's what he wanted to show me. He was wondering what it was.

Decided to go there and take a look (couldn't hurt, since I knew I didn't have the body with me anyway). Knowing that I didn't have much time left before the alarm, I just teleported there, trying to stay on the plane and avoid drifting away from the dream. It was maybe just 10 meters deep, the object must've been rather small, a few meters wide.

Once there, I was overwhelmed with a vibration. The vibration had obviously been designed to keep unwanted visitors away. Got an overlay of the signal, which was high-pitch peaks at a regular interval. Teleported back, relaying the info to the friend.

Soon, a smaller metallic-looking UFO appeared at my 5, above the woods. Again, he spotted it first. It flew in the direction of the object in the sea. Soon after, a whole fleet of bigger disc-shaped UFOs came from over the woods. These flew over us, in the same direction. A couple of more UFOs came in. Started waving at them, saying "Hi there, friends!" and intending for them to land next to us. One of the discs landed and a small Gray appeared. Jumped down over the edge of the watchtower, to look at them and have a chat. Halfway down, alarm rang and dream ended.

Actually, I was quite puzzled. Had thought Grays would be taller.
---------------------------------------
Remembered that sometime in the morning, I woke up because someone knocked on my room door (would be rather absurd). Slept on.

Burst of ego

Too much power and ego. A burst of anger with some other emotions today morning. Interesting.. haven't felt that for quite a while.

Also found it interesting that I was sort of notified about it beforehand. Replied in the mind: "Shall be able to cope with it pretty soon."

Need to work on control over emotions. This time, the approach is a bit different (won't judge it, shall just take it into account). Another difference in the approach - there are no goals, no deadlines .. shall just evolve .. always.

Half-thoughts

Focused on emptiness again, while walking..

No breath cessation this time. This time energy started buzzing around, up the body. Also, it felt as if the body had become a bit lighter as well.
----------------------------
It has been a while, since I experienced half-thoughts or however they should be called. In order for a thought to take shape, a critical amount of energy needs to be invested. When you either de-focus from the thought or cancel it, when it hasn't reached the critical amount of energy, then it dissolves.

Full thoughts seem to be self-sustaining constructs.
Half-thoughts seem to lack an effect.
----------------------------
Some more attempts to burst a matchstick into flames with pk. Came up with some new constructs that I hadn't tried before.

Managed to visualize (and see them forming) vortexes quite vividly. Had two vortexes with their tips together at the matchstick head. Had them spin in reverse to each other, creating more friction at the center.

Saw some strange effects in the area of the match head (real tiny dots of light, wobbles, waves and strings in space, some of them glowing slightly). No flame .. yet. However, stimulation of the 3rd eye was great.
----------------------------
While cooking some pelmeni, focused on the curtains.

Tried to push/pull them at first .. about 1 cm of movement and not always consistent with the intent.

Decided to try to lift the curtains upwards, folding it along the way. Quite considerable movement, about 3 cm or even more. Movement occurred exactly when I released the intent of pulling it upward. It was quite fun to look at how tension distributed along the surface of the curtains..

I guess this stimulated the central back part of the brain or something.

Breath cessation

Remembered that yesterday morning I had a discussion with the construction workers. Expressed my worry about our neighbour, an old lady, who cannot walk down the stairs without a handrail.

When I came home yesterday evening, I found it already installed.
---------------------------------------
Attempted to clear the mind and open some channels, while walking home.

For a couple of minutes, reached a state where I barely had to breathe. Sushumna channel and that cavity in the head felt connected.

Later, about 50 meters from home, experienced breath cessation spontaneously as well.
---------------------------------------
A fellow psion inspired me to practice some pyrokinesis on a matchstick again. No success yet.

Caught exploring forbidden areas

Had an interesting dream last night (probably influenced by some youtube videos and playing of fallout 2 for 15 minutes before bed).

Here goes .. we're out exploring with a friend. It looks like a summer evening or early morning, couldn't tell the difference very well. The scenery was unfamiliar and amazingly detailed.

We're coming along an asphalt road, looking for entrances into some kind of underground tunnels. Every now and then, there were air intake grills. We were wondering if there was a larger entry somewhere.

To the left of the road, there's a lake and ahead, there's a wooden house at the shore (partly built on water), surrounded by leaf trees with some pine trees as extra. The soil was a bit sandy.

On the lake, there's a fisherman with his boat, replacing fishing nets or taking them out. We intended to sneak past him, by going around the lake. Sadly, when we arrived at his house, we had to stop. He had reached the shore with his boat.

From his facial expressions, I could tell that he could see us, or rather, sense us (looked straight at us for a few times). His rational mind dominated, though, making him doubt what he saw.

The man came closer, as we were at the place, where he would clean his nets. Well, that was pretty much the worst place to hide. Had positioned myself behind a tree, so that sun would shine through me, into his face. There, he realized about our presence. Asked who's there and started to see us. He told us it was dangerous there and he might've accidentally shot us, thinking we were a pack of deers or something.

Highly suspicious about us, he let us go.

We went on, along the road, looking for an entrance. Found a bigger one, looked in and saw a spacious room down there. Found it interesting, how these air intakes generated a lot of loud noise, as if there were ventilators installed at some of them.

An alarm went off, heard them call security over the radio or something. Panic .. scanned the surroundings at hi-speed, absolutely nowhere to hide .. nearest woods were way too far. Jumping into the lake was not an option. The best bet seemed to be hiding ourselves into the ground, right next to the road, hoping that they would just miss us.

Semi-woke up from that dream, with the bus surrounded. Apparently, we had been astral-travelling from that bus or something. Busted...
---------------------------------------
Saw a lot of police cars moving around today morning, felt a bit uneasy.

Edit: This is the 666th post. ;)

Meditative work

Some meditating and pk practice last night. Barely any movement on the objects.

Ran out of sleep, went to work early.

Reached the meditative state during work for a few times. Started to feel more wobbly and a bit weird. Saw myself starting to project more light onto the surroundings, transforming the feelings that stuff gave off. A channel and a cavity opened up in the head and later closed again, resulting in a slight headache.

Just some healing

Another satellite workshop at autumn school.

Not much pk related stuff.

Some weird dreams.

Some attempts at focusing on the emptiness last night. Each time I did that, I felt the psi field thicken. Each time I lost focus, the psi field seemed to have became thinner. Played with it, creating an onion-like shield around the body.

Healed the body a little today morning. Focused on the key points where something was off and visualized warmth and light entering there. Also, applied a simplified version of the white skeleton meditation on the bones at these key points. This took some time, but made me feel really good afterwards.

Saw a dark blob speed across the floor from under a closed door once.
---------------------------------
While back at home, took a nap, mixed with meditation. Visualized the body engulfed in inner flames, burning away any toxins that have accumulated over time. The smell of something burning (or really hot) appeared.

Woke up, feeling energized. Tried to pull psi up the spine, staring at the floor.

There was a sudden bright reflection on the floor. Found it strange, as there didn't seem to be any rational cause for it.

Daily pk

Inspired by these videos:

While it's either compiling or reflashing some of the chips, I've been recently been practising pk on a balanced pen. Not much of a movement yet. Though, I haven't quite acquired the feeling of the pen yet.

It started snowing today .. feels quite soothing. Also, it's nice to observe and play with the air when it's thick of snowflakes.

Meditated more than usual yesterday and felt pretty calm and refreshed in the morning.

Presentation

Had trouble falling asleep last night. Up until late hours, I spent in the half-dream state, sister showing me some interesting stuff. This lasted for almost as long as sister was awake.

Hm, the presentation didn't go too well. That familiar feeling of pleasure was absent today. I guess I was too nervous or something. It seems the crowd liked it, though.

Now there's this sweet emptiness.
----------------------------------------
Happened to see a cyan-blue flash exactly at the heart chakra of a coworker today.

Crackling snapping

It seems I've managed to stay friends with those entities. Got a lot of energy back last night. But then quickly lost a part of it again.

I've been feeling a bit tense again. Yesterday evening a light bulb blew out. Today morning, the CFL in the kitchen made a loud crackle and a strong flicker. Snapping is back, too. When I think of something, an object most closely related to this thought makes a snapping sound.

Contrary to what the horoscope claimed, I didn't feel too active today. Felt like having missed the weekend (prepared a presentation, which came out to be more like a full lecture).

Ah, remembered that as we came back from jogging yesterday, I saw another one of those flower construct graffities. The most beautiful, so far. Gotta take a picture some day.

Also remembered that yesterday I saw a piece of styrofoam (or something similar, material-wise) move on the floor when I was about to enter the room. Busted! I saw it. ;)

Sorrow to light

Had somewhat brighter dreams again last night. Spent reprogramming myself with the help of someone else. Found it queer that we would be writing code near the stables at summerhouse, with the fresh aroma of droppings.

Can't remember what it was that I was re-designing.

A dream or an experience that I can't remember. Anyway, as it ended, I remember coming a long way back home, that is, to this reality. Finally being close enough, I started to see the shades of the window and balcony door, surrounded by this veil of darkness (as in some previous OBEs). Entered the body, by having the body "breathe" it in or something. At least that would be close to what it sounded and felt like.
-----------------------------------------
Told father about the feeling of being drained when he was around. He said he had been feeling energized and having his mind racing, recently.

Came up with a theory. Father's field would stimulate some sort of processes in my energy body. However, since I was lacking energy, it only drained me. Dad was not psi-vamping, I was just too drained to catch up with his thought-forms.

Went jogging with him.

Need to learn to love and respect everything dark that I've learned again.

The whole thing is just so sad, feel sorry for mankind, our brothers and Earth. I wish we would all awaken and overcome this repetitive cycle of sorrow.

Human origins

A couple of videos on human origins and some strange artifacts.

Obey or suffer? No thanks..

Feeling drained. So many psi-vamps around.

Dad came home yesterday evening and as soon as I entered the room he was in, I felt uncomfortable and drained .. suddenly couldn't hold my eyes open any longer.

Even though I already felt drained today morning, the same thing continued. As soon as I became to a proximity of 20 m to father, I would suddenly grow really tired. When he left the room, I would gradually feel more and more fresh again.
--------------------------------------------
In a half-dream state yesterday evening, I explored different kinds of gold (symbol for spiritual values).

There seemed to be many, but 3 of them looked most important:

1. Dark gold - gold with a slightly dark reflection. Like gold with a bronze-like reflection. This one would become oxidized (would eventually become dull). Most of the gold that I saw around was like this .. not real gold.
2. Gold - pure and shiny. Some of the temples and stairways were elaborated with this.
3. White gold - like a fine powder of gold. This one didn't shine or in any way look special, but seemed superior to the others. On the stairways, the rails were covered with white gold.

Anyway, had some more dreams where I had to "suffer the consequences" of barking against the powers that were in some of the earlier dreams.

Had to play wounded. Someone projected a wound on my left shoulder. It was artificial, so I didn't even feel it. They then wrapped it in. Having wasted too much time and effort on playing with me, they rushed to an event. Participating in the event was compulsory for me too. Feeling apathetic, I just took my time and walked there. On my way there, I was scolded for bleeding on the floor. When I got there, I was scolded for being late. However, none of this "old school building with everything shaded in gloom" was my design anyway. It was not my dream and I had known it all the time.

It seems SeriousKnot was right. I wonder if I was right too .. because if that's the case, then one can prison-break pretty elegantly. Interesting, in this context, "liberation" and "enlightenment" would have a pretty well-defined meaning.

Though, I found it quite interesting that there were specific times, when their community would have to gather outside of the buildings. There was some sort of a meeting or something, which they had to participate or they would be punished. Probably a dictatorship system, where they would receive their daily orders this way.

Didn't see the event. Dream ended before. Woke up pretty tired in the morning.
--------------------------------------------
Meditated and slept for a lot of times today. Feeling pretty lonely .. there's something that was within reach, but can't reach it anymore. Have to regain energy.

Blob of thick psi

Ah, remembered one more thing .. or two.

While crossing the pedestrian bridge today evening, I started to feel the surroundings a bit differently. Noticed that around one of the street lamps, there was a really dense psi field. So dense that it made me feel like one could easily float there, right next to the bridge. This was pretty vivid.

Recently I've started to experience the sensation of no ground below the feet, while crossing the bridge. I feel the air under the feet and bridge surface. Quite surreal and yet more real than the feeling of air touching against the skin.

Whaz subcon?

Yesterday, a guy in charge of the management of these apartment blocks came to give electronic keys. He was pretty nervous .. many of the residents had not been at home.

::click:: corridor lamp turned off. He went to turn it back on. Nothing happened. He tried again, 3 or 4 times, even. Still nothing.

I was about to comment: "Weird. I wonder if it burned out..?"

He said: "Most likely it will work when I calm down." Touched the switch and the lamp was shining once more.

Felt amazingly full of energy yesterday. There was energy rushing through the whole body.
----------------------------------------------
Had an interesting dream. I guess we were cleaning up at summerhouse and sister was cooking.

A lot of precognition, hints from the subconscious and some pk practice.

Aunt asked me to take some sort of a glass object down from a shelf. She told me to be careful with it. Subconscious told me I was not in proper control of my emotions to do that. Put some more effort into controlling the emotions and tried to be extra careful.

This was denial of subconscious or whatever there was, suggesting things.

Had the object in my hands, about to give it to aunt. Then, suddenly the object became paranormally heavy. Too heavy for me to lift it, even too heavy to lift with the help of pk. So it fell to the floor, throwing a shard off its structure. Tried to lift it up from the floor .. it was really light, even about 100 times lighter than when I took it from the shelf.

Aunt cast all her anger on me with pleasure. Didn't let it resonate with me, because that would've been an easy way for them to acquire energy from me.

Instead, I started to wonder. Here's how it all felt: someone is ordering me around, considering themselves superior. Then, as I disobey, they feel humiliated and have to show me that it is they, who hold all the power. This glass object becoming so heavy .. it felt like it was done by the same being who had been acting as subconscious mind in that dream.

Thus, the question: What is it that I'm calling subconscious? Is it not some sort of an entity, attached to the spirit?
----------------------------------------------
Amazingly beautiful morning with a nice warm wind, followed by an amazingly warm day.

Parallel experiences

I think I know what I messed up with.

Wet socks + cold floor is a misuse of the peripheral interface. There are straight channels to many of the organs from the bottom of the feet and the palms as well. Touch a cold boulder with your hand and you'll feel the effect on internal organs.

It seems that everything up to the heart and liver were affected by cold.

Attempted to re-fresh or re-generate parts of the body in order to heal this.

Consciousness shifts are still there.

Sometimes I find it strange, how some objects behave. Took the headphones from the table .. saw a ball-point pen core fall to the floor. Even heard something fall to the ground. "Awf .. no, you're not gonna fall down." And there it is .. on the table, right where it was before I reached for the headphones. At some moment, it looked as if there were two ball-point pen cores, one of which fell to the floor, leaving the other one on the table. Though, based on the memory, rational mind proves there was only one to begin with.

This is similar to this post:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2012/04/workaholicism.html (lost an MP3 player ear bud 3x in a row)

And to this one, in an un-posted way:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2012/10/sick.html (a man crossing the street real drunk)

I've been replaying this one from memory and there seems to be a gap in the experience.

When the man leaned onto the road, he was about to fall directly under the wheels of the first car making a right turn. The next moment, the car hit the brakes on the second lane.

This could've very well been my imagination, though.

Stomach ache

Incredibly clear messages from the subconscious. All of them were predictive and correct.

Subconscious predicted a last-minute conference call.

While coming home, it told me the balcony was finally open (had been sealed off with plastic for a couple of months, I guess). It even asked me whether I would like to take a look at it from the other side .. decided that wouldn't be necessary, trust subconscious enough.

Front door was closed. According to the subconscious, the old password wouldn't work. Though, it still suggested me to try it. On the sound of Error, a construction worker opened the door from the inside and told me the temporary password.

A sudden and strong stomach ache in the evening. There's either a blockage dissolving or I've messed it up pretty bad. Would prefer the first one, definitely. The flow of psi is greatly disturbed by the stomach, causing mild shifts in consciousness. Made some wormwood tea .. bwaah too strong.

Bright dreams

In a dream two nights ago, the 3 of us came from moving the shop and stopped by at an asian restaurant. Had infinite hunger. Wondered about it in the dream, especially because it was a dream. This continued in the waking state .. infinite feeling of hunger, just that the stomach would become full. So much for my breatharian practice, this time. There shall be more waves.

--------------------------------------------------
One of the colleagues had been ill for several weeks already .. with a headache.

Attempted to remote-heal him via visualization, yesterday evening. Hadn't seen anything like this .. his brain looked so different. Undid a part of the visualization, because at some point I realized it was beyond my abilities. Shouldn't touch what I can't comprehend. Just applied soft and warm psi with the intent of healing and making him feel better.

Today morning he came to work.

Thinking back on it, makes me feel uneasy. I wish him to be well and still, there's this feeling that I'm not pure enough .. some black thoughts coming to mind, me trying to shield them off in fear.

Went to a practical, with this fight going on in the mind. At some moment it struck me: "What if it's an entity toying with me." So far I had always thought the mind was going bonkers of paranoia. Black thoughts disappeared.

An idea of what may have happened. I perform healing / pk. With this, there comes a feeling of power, balanced by a fear of doing it wrong and causing harm. Then some sort of an entity is attracted to this fear .. that's because with this fear, they obtain control over me and thus the powers as well. Now, assuming that I had been healing someone, they would come and play that someone, trying to depict me hurting them.

Today, this entity would have me feel their head under my right foot. This would make me feel upset, seeing myself acting superior to the colleague whom I greatly respect.
--------------------------------------------------
Went to meditate and sleep early yesterday evening.

Had a really interesting series of dreams. None of them looked like my own, due to a completely different viewpoint on the world as well as a foreign scenery (with minor similarities). Anyway, the body that I was in, it had memories tied with that place.

We were in a room (a bit similar to the parents' room, or now father's room), talking with a friend. I really enjoyed the view out of the balcony window. Sun was rising and wind picking up. The buildings looked all orange (much like this building in near future).

On top of a building to the right, there was an antenna (and perhaps some measurement devices), attached to a big metal sphere that looked like a sea mine. Thought it was odd, but perhaps served the purpose of being heavy and protecting the equipment. With the wind picking up, it started to wobble ..

::plop:: it fell off the edge of the building, as if it was completely weightless. Rushed to the edge of the balcony, hoping that there was nobody underneath. Couldn't see it anywhere .. it had just disappeared.

Jumped off the balcony and landed on the roof of another building. Saw pieces of sewer pipes flying around, totally weightless. Had some fun levitating them towards myself or away.

Jumped off the roof of that building. Started looking around for other people in this dream. No-one seemed to notice me, except for one older lady. For the whole time, she had been staring at me. Was the dream hers?

There was another one. We were about to go somewhere with Mom. Both of us had cameras with us. Wanted to take a photo of something. Took it with my camera .. no difference. Took it with Mom's and everything changed .. as if had started to see everything from her perspective. Memories, way of seeing things, the feel of the surroundings, all changed.

Another dream, with a similar feeling to everything. Just in a bit more familiar part of the town. We were cleaning the streets of litter and found some interesting things. Still, the atmosphere was lovely .. sun rising, all those yellow leaves, wet asphalt glittering in the sun.
--------------------------------------------------
Happened to look at the curtain in the kitchen while eating breakfast. It felt amazingly responsive .. as if wind was pushing it according to the intention. The thing is, these are new windows now, without any sort of ventilation built in. Of course, the mind has not become used to it yet.

Went to work in the morning. Sun rose, it was pretty windy .. yellow leaves flying about.

Inspiring videos

Ah, just finished writing a nice post for a forum. It took slightly more than an hour to polish. Then accidentally clicked close. No way I'm writing that again. Perhaps it was the wrong time to post it, don't know. Well, hopefully they'll get the idea anyway.

One and a half days of moving a shop to a storage house. It was tiring, but sort of fun.

Sister said: "Need some water." Had been thinking of that for a while too, said "Yeah," leaning on a cardboard box. Happened to glance into it .. all sorts of wrappers and stuff to be thrown away .. and a bottle of water (with a piece of chewing gum stuck to it), half-full. Handy.

A couple of days ago, father had found some really inspiring videos. While searching for them, we found some more.

Outsmart deja vu

Today morning, something clicked and started to see more joy in everything. Had suddenly become calm and found beauty in everything again.

Soon after, the fog cleared up and sun came out.

After 3-4 days of designing a file system, got a deja vu that it has all been in vain. Why, I asked .. "that guy would find a serious problem in the design and you'll have wasted a lot of time, getting nowhere." Thought I would outsmart it by asking that guy to review it now. Another deja vu (more faint): "You failed in trying to outsmart me, since he's offline". Yup, offline he seemed, but only by appearance. Hopefully that changed something.

Walked home. It was really pretty outside today. Sun shining, slightly raining with a double rainbow at the direction of home. Sky and water were more blue than before, grass was greener and leaves more yellow.

Remembered the intent to visit the boulders after work. Tried to acquire the feeling of a great boulder there. It felt as if it twitched and changed shape ever so slightly.

Edit: Ah, remembered that I saw a white orb fly around again today. Eyes were focused on the screen when, from the right corner of the eyes, I saw it fly linear and then turn around.

Cultivation

Practised some energy cultivation yesterday. Experienced a slight nausea and a floaty feeling today.

Fallout dream

Was about to try making a psi-ball yesterday evening. Moved the hands close to each other and started to feel a pulsing between the hands. The psi field in the cavity between the hands started resonating at around 6-10 Hz. Noted that hands were close to the heart chakra. Found it more interesting than creating a psi-ball.
--------------------------------------------------
A dream, where I was in some sort of a building near the town centre. There was a nuclear plant at the center. Don't know how or why (Conspiracy? War?), but one of its reactors suddenly went ablaze like a rocket. It looked as if there was no end to this yellow-orange flame. Roughly at a radius of 1 kilometre around the reactor, there was a smaller ring of fire (red), fed by the central flame.

It was raining pretty hard and I wanted to record the event on camera without being touched by this rain with radioactive dust (didn't know if that would harm me in this dream).

Saw an UFO float to the reactor, with a symbol of an ancient god sitting behind the instruments in the device. The craft was dark blue, with the symbol glowing white on the side towards me (the symbol looked planar).

Somehow, this dream reminds me of that bonfire from a while ago:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2010/03/art-of-breathing.html
--------------------------------------------------
Observed the wallpaper pattern with the 3rd eye before waking up in the morning.

Felt quite light and floaty in the morning.

Came home and saw an area of the laptop bag handle having a clear blue outline. Had already started to think these blue dots were symptoms of some sort of eye disease.

Fresh psi

It seems that Friday night did heal it.

Received a lot of energy during yesterday's presentation .. cheery people =). Some more encouragement from various sources.

While reading Protector CJ's journal, suddenly regained the feeling of psi on this material plane. For a long time, I had been working on a more subtle plane. A strong feeling of pk appeared.

With a lot of extra psi now, the ice looks pretty thin. A lot of annoyment from all sort of sources.

Managed to read a few pages in a meditative state this morning. Some semi-conscious pk on the pages. Practiced levitation again, too.

Slept about an hour during the day and had a dream, where I slid the laptop on table at work.

Edit: It's not just fresh psi .. some kundalini seems to be moving up the spine as well.

Restaurant dream

A lot of sweat.

Had an interesting dream. Decided to walk home and see how much the surroundings had changed in the meanwhile. Construction workers were installing a new fence around a couple of children playgrounds. Then, some houses in a row with the same architectural planning. Wondered why they always have the windows facing away from the direction of a great view. There was a hillock or something, with a very modernistic looking building on top. This one actually had windows in the direction of a great view, too. Walked in, looking for old acquaintances.

I guess it was called a Leigo restaurant or something. With the music, lighting effects and semi-open-air catering. A really expensive and hi-quality place, going by the looks of it. A lot of people looked familiar, but then I realized I actually didn't know them .. or they didn't know me.

Most of them wore suits and spoke foreign languages only. I guess it was some sort of a conference or a meeting between companies that was taking place and this was where they had supper.

Occupied a free chair at the back, near the stairs. A girl walked in and sat next to me. I guess, one of the organizers recognized her and threw her a golden key (might've been sort of like a ticket to the event). She was pretty surprised .. this meant she didn't have to pay for the event. She had a small company with a budget not too great.

This is a bit weird. Found a spoon from somewhere under the chair and the organizer threw me one of the golden keys too.

Asked her about her company, trying not to spoil the music. It provided some sort of software for distributed computing. She and her brother had started it some time ago. Some more chattering..

Later, I guess we descended the stairs and took a bus somewhere.. woke up.

All in all, everything looked bright and at peace there.

Sick?

I think I feel sick. Well, I guess it's about time .. pretty precisely one year since the last time.

Today morning I found it difficult to wake up. Previous mornings I woke up about an hour before the alarm would ring .. didn't seem to matter when I went to bed. Felt cold and all the muscles still hurt. Found it difficult to do anything intelligent. No appetite.

Almost witnessed a man get run over by a car. Although the subconscious mind told me what was going to happen, I didn't grab him. Found it strange that he didn't smell of alcohol and yet he seemed more drunk than any pums I've seen so far. He was lucky, running around on the street with the red light and heavy traffic. A few more events, seemingly aimed at catching my attention.

Got to be well for tomorrow morning. A presentation coming up.

Brighter

Today was considerably brighter than previous ones. Thanks to everyone, who helped.

Pretty much all of the muscles hurt today. Working in an uncomfortable pose and catching a cold does that.

Had a chat with Protector CJ from the psychokinesis forum. He made smoothie and asked whether I would like to have some. Took a sip via Chatzy. It healed the clump of psi that had formed in the stomach. Thanks a lot!