Today I think I realized what it was that I was doing, and that it was the right thing. I had been a bit unhappy with myself because of spending that much time chatting with people on social platforms.
Today on one of the servers, someone mentioned that the suicide rate has increased considerably due to the lockdowns, and that it will probably still keep rising for a while. It clicked. I've been trying my best to support people in difficulties.
I wonder how come I've missed something this obvious.
Anyway, I think I'm somewhat more content with myself now.
Maybe it's not yet time for other stuff, and trying to force myself to do anything "more productive" as a hobby would be counter-productive, instead?
Sunday, April 19, 2020
Friday, April 17, 2020
Left eye
On Wednesday, I couldn't keep my left eye open. Slept through most of the day and when I couldn't sleep, I sat and waited.
On Thursday morning, the eye started to feel better again. Since then, a feeling of euphoria / ecstasy washed over. This seems to occur each time that there's a more serious eye pain, and it seems to last for roughly the same amount of time that the pain lasted.
I had thought that the more serious eye pain arised due to some other disease / flu coming up. However, I suspect that it was just cyclic, instead. It has been 4 months since the previous occurrence. Also, it was 4 months between the previous occurrence and the injury.
The root of this recurring problem.. I thought one potential solution occurred to me, together with its consequences. But maybe it's not the time or maybe it was just some delusions of a troubled mind.
Looked out of the balcony window and saw another building across the street on fire. Or at least, I thought it was on fire. There were no flames, only golden embers of light flying around some sort of a wizard-looking guy.
The next morning, a fire alarm went off at a colleague's office on the other side of the country. It was a false alarm.
Today morning I told someone that I was still having problems finding people with whom I could discuss some topics. Then in the evening, someone in another server (not related in any way) remembered something which I had said quite a while ago. They started asking questions and I had a lot of fun.
This somehow triggered an invite into an even more spiritual server.
On Thursday morning, the eye started to feel better again. Since then, a feeling of euphoria / ecstasy washed over. This seems to occur each time that there's a more serious eye pain, and it seems to last for roughly the same amount of time that the pain lasted.
I had thought that the more serious eye pain arised due to some other disease / flu coming up. However, I suspect that it was just cyclic, instead. It has been 4 months since the previous occurrence. Also, it was 4 months between the previous occurrence and the injury.
The root of this recurring problem.. I thought one potential solution occurred to me, together with its consequences. But maybe it's not the time or maybe it was just some delusions of a troubled mind.
Dream: Fire
Looked out of the balcony window and saw another building across the street on fire. Or at least, I thought it was on fire. There were no flames, only golden embers of light flying around some sort of a wizard-looking guy.
Real life: Fire alarm
The next morning, a fire alarm went off at a colleague's office on the other side of the country. It was a false alarm.
Synchronicity
Today morning I told someone that I was still having problems finding people with whom I could discuss some topics. Then in the evening, someone in another server (not related in any way) remembered something which I had said quite a while ago. They started asking questions and I had a lot of fun.
This somehow triggered an invite into an even more spiritual server.
Monday, April 13, 2020
Feeling strange
Today morning the eye both hurt as well as didn't. The pain always subsided somehow. During the day there was occasionally a stroke of pain in the eye.
At some point also got a headache. Also felt floaty at times. I think this could've been caused by listening to meditation music while working. Maybe should've listened to Igorrr or Doom OST, instead.
At some point also got a headache. Also felt floaty at times. I think this could've been caused by listening to meditation music while working. Maybe should've listened to Igorrr or Doom OST, instead.
Sunday, April 12, 2020
2012
Argh, woke with the left eye in pain again at about 4 AM. Washing the eye nor applying eye drops helped. Had to sit through the pain for about an hour again. Eye sight is blurry again for a couple of days now.
About a week ago, had a Discord chat with someone about spirituality and what the universe seems to be like. Anyway, at some point I said that I should probably meditate instead of talking about such things, for talking about these things made me too excited (for there's almost nobody to talk to about these kinds of things).
He then posted that for him the history of that particular discussion vanished. For me it was still there (and still is).
I thought a bit about my post from yesterday and realized something about 2012. Already in 2010 and 2011 I found it somewhat easy to "see" the golden veil / fog. I think it was in early 2012 that there was an ecstatic day when everything seemed to have been enveloped by this golden fog.
Remembered that I had read about there being a day of soul harvest at the end of each great cycle of the Mayan calendar. I think I read it somewhere that the plan was to accelerate the development of mankind (has taken enough full cycles already, time to wrap things up). While I could've left as well, I decided to stay and maybe help if I can.
Due to this, I can't expect for my 1st path to still be the same. It would probably be more difficult for me to find my way beyond the veil, and it would be somewhat immature of me to even attempt to, given my decision. Thus, the 1st path is not a problem. I'm free to take as much as I like from that path, but there wouldn't be much of a point for me to pursue it any more than my health or well-being requires.
Discord chat history
About a week ago, had a Discord chat with someone about spirituality and what the universe seems to be like. Anyway, at some point I said that I should probably meditate instead of talking about such things, for talking about these things made me too excited (for there's almost nobody to talk to about these kinds of things).
He then posted that for him the history of that particular discussion vanished. For me it was still there (and still is).
2012
I thought a bit about my post from yesterday and realized something about 2012. Already in 2010 and 2011 I found it somewhat easy to "see" the golden veil / fog. I think it was in early 2012 that there was an ecstatic day when everything seemed to have been enveloped by this golden fog.
Remembered that I had read about there being a day of soul harvest at the end of each great cycle of the Mayan calendar. I think I read it somewhere that the plan was to accelerate the development of mankind (has taken enough full cycles already, time to wrap things up). While I could've left as well, I decided to stay and maybe help if I can.
Due to this, I can't expect for my 1st path to still be the same. It would probably be more difficult for me to find my way beyond the veil, and it would be somewhat immature of me to even attempt to, given my decision. Thus, the 1st path is not a problem. I'm free to take as much as I like from that path, but there wouldn't be much of a point for me to pursue it any more than my health or well-being requires.
Saturday, April 11, 2020
Fork and spatula
Described what I think is the root cause for a lot of my issues to someone. The fork of 3 mutually exclusive paths, all of which I'm treading in parallel.
With my mind not in the moment, I somehow managed to use my stupidity to break my favorite spatula in half. According to a dictionary of dream symbology, me shaking the spatula to get water off of it could've been interpreted as a metaphor of flipping back and forth on a decision.
Well, for a moment this cleared my mind and made me want to go and meditate on it. But since at that time eating was in progress and the urge passed somewhat.
With my mind not in the moment, I somehow managed to use my stupidity to break my favorite spatula in half. According to a dictionary of dream symbology, me shaking the spatula to get water off of it could've been interpreted as a metaphor of flipping back and forth on a decision.
Well, for a moment this cleared my mind and made me want to go and meditate on it. But since at that time eating was in progress and the urge passed somewhat.
Thursday, April 9, 2020
Hurricane
For the past couple of days I've mostly been hard-focused on work. Three burning deadlines simultaneously. Yesterday my eyes got tired but managed to force my way through. Today I forgot breakfast and lunch.
While the left eye has still often become uncomfortably dry during the night, I have woken without eye pain again for the past couple of days. The eye is starting to see the screen in less blur again, too.
Have been feeling quite calm at night, and have been seeing quite a bit of gold and crystals in the phase of hypnagogic imagery.
Two nights ago, I prepared for the challenges of the upcoming day .. and then waited for transport for the rest of the night. Eventually an acquaintance came by and the morning alarm started ringing.
Last night in a dream, someone pointed out flying cars. I looked around but couldn't see anything like that. The more I wondered about it, the more it materialized. While we were already cautious due to the pandemic, now there was also a hurricane threatening the people. While it passed by quite close, it did not affect our place.
While the left eye has still often become uncomfortably dry during the night, I have woken without eye pain again for the past couple of days. The eye is starting to see the screen in less blur again, too.
Have been feeling quite calm at night, and have been seeing quite a bit of gold and crystals in the phase of hypnagogic imagery.
Dream: Packing for hike
Two nights ago, I prepared for the challenges of the upcoming day .. and then waited for transport for the rest of the night. Eventually an acquaintance came by and the morning alarm started ringing.
Dream: Hurricane
Last night in a dream, someone pointed out flying cars. I looked around but couldn't see anything like that. The more I wondered about it, the more it materialized. While we were already cautious due to the pandemic, now there was also a hurricane threatening the people. While it passed by quite close, it did not affect our place.
Monday, April 6, 2020
Spiritual hackathon
The root cause of these problems is still there, for I haven't been able to figure out how to solve it.
For the past couple of nights, I've been waking up with the left eye in pain again. The air humidifier had been running, washing the eye didn't help, nor did the eye drops. So I just had to sit through the pain for perhaps an hour, unable to open the eye.
Yesterday I tried not to let it influence my plans to finish building a proper box for a high voltage supply. Well, it turned out quite crooked, but whatever.
Apparently had missed a couple of group meditation events. But then again, from my psychokinesis experiments I know that the time doesn't really matter. Made a couple of quick attempts at improving the situation due to the pandemic, but soon realized that my intentions were still shadowed by my own issues (and would spoil things).
A bit of a celibacy fail while sleeping during the day yesterday. Lost control of a dream.
Had interesting dreams after sitting through the pain last night.
There was a restricted building with a lot of antique furniture, etc. Someone who had been working there (but was fired, I guess), wanted to show me something. By the time we got there, a moving company was taking things away and there wasn't much of anything he could show me. So we just roamed about, trying to look like we belonged there.
There was some kind of a hackathon going on. I think there was a lot which had to be done and I wasn't sure if we would manage to get it done in time. Anyway, the day ended and the team started moving towards the venue for the dinner.
While on the way, I think we had to wait behind some traffic lights. To our right, there was a park with police cadets training. I think I paid a bit too much attention to it, for before I knew it, I was also taking part of the drill. Matched the steps of a girl in front of me but at some point I noticed that I had gotten too close. Increased the distance. The girl was disappointed and left. I then asked the drill officer what was the recommended distance for marches during this pandemic. I think the answer was that it didn't matter.
Anyway, got back to the rest of the team but for some reason I had to tie my boot laces. The rest of the team crossed the street and left. Oh well.
Now there was a gathering place to my right. Several other teams had gathered there to listen to an organizational announcement for the hackathon. The announcement was projected onto a wall there. The person describing the schedule looked like a monk or a guru. After providing an overview of the schedule for the evening and the following days, he answered questions. While I don't think I asked anything, he answered about the difficulties of choosing a path. Although he used some amazing allegories, these only made sense within the dream. Basically, he said that it wouldn't matter what one picked, for the universe is great at filling in the blanks between one's position / attitude and intent. Somehow he explained it through the physics of a chain made of rope (which somehow made sense in the dream).
After listening to this guy, I remember saying: "Awesome. A week long pilgrimage through the mountains would've still been worth it for just that one quote of his."
He warned that the dinner was a bit exceptional and that it would be easy for one to lose their way.
For the past couple of nights, I've been waking up with the left eye in pain again. The air humidifier had been running, washing the eye didn't help, nor did the eye drops. So I just had to sit through the pain for perhaps an hour, unable to open the eye.
Yesterday I tried not to let it influence my plans to finish building a proper box for a high voltage supply. Well, it turned out quite crooked, but whatever.
Apparently had missed a couple of group meditation events. But then again, from my psychokinesis experiments I know that the time doesn't really matter. Made a couple of quick attempts at improving the situation due to the pandemic, but soon realized that my intentions were still shadowed by my own issues (and would spoil things).
A bit of a celibacy fail while sleeping during the day yesterday. Lost control of a dream.
Had interesting dreams after sitting through the pain last night.
Dream: Missed it
There was a restricted building with a lot of antique furniture, etc. Someone who had been working there (but was fired, I guess), wanted to show me something. By the time we got there, a moving company was taking things away and there wasn't much of anything he could show me. So we just roamed about, trying to look like we belonged there.
Dream: Spiritual hackathon
There was some kind of a hackathon going on. I think there was a lot which had to be done and I wasn't sure if we would manage to get it done in time. Anyway, the day ended and the team started moving towards the venue for the dinner.
While on the way, I think we had to wait behind some traffic lights. To our right, there was a park with police cadets training. I think I paid a bit too much attention to it, for before I knew it, I was also taking part of the drill. Matched the steps of a girl in front of me but at some point I noticed that I had gotten too close. Increased the distance. The girl was disappointed and left. I then asked the drill officer what was the recommended distance for marches during this pandemic. I think the answer was that it didn't matter.
Anyway, got back to the rest of the team but for some reason I had to tie my boot laces. The rest of the team crossed the street and left. Oh well.
Now there was a gathering place to my right. Several other teams had gathered there to listen to an organizational announcement for the hackathon. The announcement was projected onto a wall there. The person describing the schedule looked like a monk or a guru. After providing an overview of the schedule for the evening and the following days, he answered questions. While I don't think I asked anything, he answered about the difficulties of choosing a path. Although he used some amazing allegories, these only made sense within the dream. Basically, he said that it wouldn't matter what one picked, for the universe is great at filling in the blanks between one's position / attitude and intent. Somehow he explained it through the physics of a chain made of rope (which somehow made sense in the dream).
After listening to this guy, I remember saying: "Awesome. A week long pilgrimage through the mountains would've still been worth it for just that one quote of his."
He warned that the dinner was a bit exceptional and that it would be easy for one to lose their way.
Friday, April 3, 2020
Thank you
Slept some more and then suddenly started feeling pretty good from about 6 PM. Somehow really enjoyed my pasta and regained motivation and enthusiasm for building things.
I think this also helped:
The left eye still sees like a potato camera, though.
In addition to the food, I'm really digging Igorrr's new album.
I think this also helped:
The left eye still sees like a potato camera, though.
In addition to the food, I'm really digging Igorrr's new album.
Ill again, probably
There has been depression again since the meditation on Saturday.
Since then, I've tried to meditate and sleep a lot, which hasn't helped much.
Iteratively focused on parts of the body where the issues resided, with a neutral perspective. This seemed to have eased the issue somewhat.
Woke with eye pain twice again, and washing it with water only helped a little. Also applied eye drops but those didn't seem to make a difference.
For the past couple of days there haven't been any issues with the activity of the left vs. the right energy channel.
Vitamin D levels are still normal, I guess. However, there might've been a lack of some other vitamins, for yesterday evening a multivitamin pill tasted good.
Since then, I've tried to meditate and sleep a lot, which hasn't helped much.
Iteratively focused on parts of the body where the issues resided, with a neutral perspective. This seemed to have eased the issue somewhat.
Woke with eye pain twice again, and washing it with water only helped a little. Also applied eye drops but those didn't seem to make a difference.
For the past couple of days there haven't been any issues with the activity of the left vs. the right energy channel.
Vitamin D levels are still normal, I guess. However, there might've been a lack of some other vitamins, for yesterday evening a multivitamin pill tasted good.
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
Left hemisphere on fire
Since the meditation on Saturday, my left hemisphere (and left nostril) had been inactive. For the past couple of days I've been trying to boot the left hemisphere again.
The few times successful boots there has been a fairly intense flow of psi up the left side of the spine, in addition to the left side of the body producing a lot of heat. Occasionally I've felt something melt again in the centre of the brain, helping to calm the body.
The left eye has also been acting a bit strange recently. While the left side of the body was producing a lot of sweat, the left eye started to hurt due to dehydration.
A dream from Monday morning. I was shown a prototype of some kind of a setup at a lab. In a plexi-glass cuboid, there were all sorts of tubes and pipes and a pump which acted as the heart. I was amazed. Then someone else entered the lab. They were amazed how efficient this system would be when adapted for producing artificial blood.
I don't know why but these kinds of dreams are rather common. For some reason, I sneak backstage to hide (otherwise stand out too much). While there, everyone would try to get me to the stage to perform.
That aside, a friend got a kid recently and this friend showed up in the dream. He was really tired, though. He listened to the concert for some time, then took a tent and went to sleep in the dream.
The few times successful boots there has been a fairly intense flow of psi up the left side of the spine, in addition to the left side of the body producing a lot of heat. Occasionally I've felt something melt again in the centre of the brain, helping to calm the body.
The left eye has also been acting a bit strange recently. While the left side of the body was producing a lot of sweat, the left eye started to hurt due to dehydration.
Dream: Blood circulation
A dream from Monday morning. I was shown a prototype of some kind of a setup at a lab. In a plexi-glass cuboid, there were all sorts of tubes and pipes and a pump which acted as the heart. I was amazed. Then someone else entered the lab. They were amazed how efficient this system would be when adapted for producing artificial blood.
Dream: Stage
I don't know why but these kinds of dreams are rather common. For some reason, I sneak backstage to hide (otherwise stand out too much). While there, everyone would try to get me to the stage to perform.
That aside, a friend got a kid recently and this friend showed up in the dream. He was really tired, though. He listened to the concert for some time, then took a tent and went to sleep in the dream.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)