Merge and melt

Discussed Lyn Buchanan's experience with father. Another area of the great puzzle clicked together. The way monsters were depicted in "Fullmetal alchemist," that dream, the way a pharmacist described the formation of tumors, the way religions, nations are ruled and the way revolutions take place. According to father, becoming scattered into pieces (similarities to schizophrenia) is often the deepest fear.

When there's too dense an energy field and too weak a bond between the various aspects of a person, then it might happen that these aspects have enough energy to become independent. Then, that person might cease to exist .. scattered into pieces, each living on their own. Later, it might be rather difficult to merge back again - which is why the fear.

So, one of the purposes of life is to learn to rule and unite. That is, merge and melt pieces of consciousness together into one that would act as one (no preferences, just existence and awareness of it). In this material world, this also echoes as the you-know-what that's going on between the countries, nations, religions, corporations, groups of people, etc.

The descriptions of the first non-physical bodies dissolving after some sort of an energy is depleted (supposedly from The Secret Doctrine series) .. these also seem to make sense now.

Ancient sphere of doom

From Psi Spies, found Lyn Buchanan's OBE in a laser beam really inspiring. Especially the way he described the distribution of time being different and the way he broke into multiple aspects of himself as he entered the beam. Maybe that's how life appeared in the universe. In a field of energy that is intense enough, the single consciousness might be experiencing itself as a multitude of its own aspects. A brilliant discovery and a brilliant disclosure.
----------------------------------------------------
Had an interesting dream. Would like to pre-spoil it, just in case. Probably a mix of Dragon ball Z, Akira and artifacts from the "paleocontact" book I read last weekend.

We were on an excursion with some people, going up a slope somewhere in the woods. Under our feet, there was reddish-brown sand. The trees looked reminiscent of rainforests or something. There was a watchtower up ahead. There were two of us slightly lagging behind the rest of the group. The other guy was also interested in pk and paranormal, just a bit over-enthusiastic and a bit over-confident about it.

To the left of the path, there was a circular field without any trees. Sensed a strong source of power some 20 or 30 meters below the surface there. There was a spherical object (about 8 meters in diameter?) .. a weapon (judging by the feeling of evil intentions). Felt mischievous (acted on emotions) and ignored the risks of telling the other guy about it. "Can you feel that?" I asked. He nodded. "That's pure evil there." Don't know why I lied like that, because it wasn't actually evil, more like so powerful that it brings out the evil from whoever uses it.

Anyway, shared the rest of it via telepathic imagery. It was an ancient artifact, tens of times more powerful than an atomic bomb. Several thousands of years ago, there had been a group of "wizards" (I had been one of them), who took an expedition here, to uncover it. There had been a lot of research and careful planning before approaching the sphere. After lifting it up and inspecting it thoroughly, we decided to bury it again. It had been too powerful for any of us to use properly.

We had reached the watchtower and were climbing up.
I knew I might be able to lift the sphere up but keeping it under control would have been stretching the limits. Somehow acquired the feeling of that object real quick. He had started working on lifting it up (felt the vibrations and saw sand making dunes at the spot where this device was buried). Explained to him telepathically that he shouldn't do that yet .. too early to be able to use it properly.

Watchdog startled me awake. Too much greed for power, too much ego.

Some kasina

Practised some kasina meditation yesterday evening. Attuned to several nearby objects with ease afterwards.

Focused on the image of light at the ceiling lamp. Saw a few orbs circling it and jets shooting out from between the CFL spirals.

In bed, tried to keep focus on the feeling of air movements at the 3rd eye region while breathing. For some reason, I don't feel comfortable on focusing on an area near the lips.

Saw a couple of orbs at work today.

Sand castle at beach

Some evening, during pranayama practice, I saw a bluish-white light appear somewhere on my left hand. The light stayed there for several seconds before it disappeared. Saw this with closed eyelids.

In bed, I decided to take a look at what was hurting at the physical heart location. It was off balance. Most of the body had become brighter and more clear, at the expense of the region around the heart becoming darker and more misty. Saw a lot of bloody mess there. Mixed it with the rest and hugged it.

Jaan: "You've become too pessimistic." Yup, saw too much fear in me today. Fear of not being able to deliver what people expect of me. To me it seems they want more than I can provide. And yet the work I've done so far .. too little for them .. too little for myself. On the other hand, all those overworked evenings and weekends, just to "pile together grains of sand into a city that a single wave can wash away". Ah, well, that's what I've been doing for this whole life .. over and over again. I wonder why. The only thing that has changed about it is the depth of the experience and responsibilities. I have to agree, I love to build something great to realize it was not needed and then abandon it, but why do I never get enough of this? There must be a reason in the past or in the future, somewhere.

Dream of meditation

Happened to read Patanjali's Yoga Aphorisms yesterday, in addition to "Psi spies" by Jim Marrs. This provided some inspiration for meditation and pk practice.

Tried the radiometer again. Though, couldn't get it moving .. too tough a stasis construct. Due to the way I used to practice stasis, this construct has a timer. When the lamp is switched on, it the radiometer spins for several minutes and then slows down to a halt. Managed to have it spin for 10 minutes before it stopped again.

Most of the night I spent in a nice dream. After falling asleep, I found myself in a different version of the bedroom. Took the sheets, pillow and blanket, put these on the window sill, made myself smaller and climbed in. Enjoyed the night till sunrise, looking outside the window.

The next dream was a real boring one .. some sort of fighting, shooting and stuff again.

Ego of mankind

Finished one of the books that a friend had lent a while ago ("Paleocontact," written by a local psychiatrist). Previously, I had thought of ancient gods as mentally and spiritually advanced people. After reading the book, it seems as if mankind had surpassed their creators right from the start. And here we are with all those religions spun around worshipping these gods. No, we are way more than that. We don't have to follow them, live nor wage wars like them. Let us live in peace and wisdom, because we can.

There's something I've forgotten to mark down here.

Wiped some dust off the radiometer some time ago and noticed something peculiar. Within the time frame that I haven't used it, something has happened to it. Inside the glass bulb, there are tiny holes. I don't know if some of them go all the way through glass or not (whether there's still vacuum inside or not).

Pranayama on morning walk

Tried breathing into the central channel during the morning walk. Started seeing more of that light again. Continued and something happened with the awareness. Some consciousness jolts here and there, too. A few flashbacks at work .. familiar feelings.

Pranayama is good.

Black cloud

Experienced several flashbacks yesterday.

Went to bed, closed the eyes, felt love and saw light. After a while, I could see the central channel glowing and shining on the lungs. First time I've seen it this clear and detailed. From the feeling of the psi in there, countless figures and images formed. These were mostly mirrored along the axis of the central channel, balancing out from a broader perspective.

Then, suddenly a black cloud entered the room through the balcony. It flew over, through and into me. Now it was all dark, couldn't see any light. Tried to fight it with visualization at first, but didn't succeed. Gave way and grabbed the feeling of love that was still there in the heart chakra, engulfed in this dark veil.

I guess I started to see something, eventually. Though, couldn't sleep very well and felt rather cold today. Throat and heart chakras shrunk, too.
--------------------------------------------
Uncle is having an operation again. So, another uncle came by and we had interesting discussions. He had read Ernst Muldashev "Where do we come from". In the book, Muldashev describes his expedition to the Himalayas, where he had the honour to visit a cave with Lemurians, Atlanteans and other predecessors. It was interesting how uncle described his impression, as if we gradually evolved from astral beings to a more dense form (sounded similar to attuning to a world from an OBE). Pretty awesome, though, the book's already sold out at pretty much all of the local bookstores.

Still have 2 other books on my shelf, waiting for me to return.

There was a cow

Couldn't sleep too well this morning. Some pretty messed up dreams.

In one of these, it was night and I was driving somewhere. A cow suddenly appeared on the road and couldn't avoid it. Somehow, nothing happened to the car but nothing was left of the cow.

Nobody seemed to have cared about the cow. Just stood there, in the hell of rethinking it all, watching the night become a morning and the remnants of the cow disappearing.

The next day, uncle and aunt picked me up. My mind was still clouded from the disaster. Even back at the summerhouse, where I tried to meditate, the mind didn't clear up too easily.

The following dreams contained too much anti-celibacy stuff. Had to wake up, turn around, but then there was another one right there.

Would like a more regulated daily routine, in order to fit pranayama into the schedule again. It seems really difficult to do without those breathing exercises.
---------------------------------------------
Wow, what an awesome feeling to listen to music and work from home again (kind of like a substitute to all those weekdays and weekends at work).

Productivity sure is improved at home. Communication overhead is minimized.

No geisting, please

Some mornings ago, I had a dream where friends were levitating at the summerhouse. Knew I could do it too, but wanted to take photos, for which I needed a stable ground.

Interesting .. after a few sleepless nights and a deadline rush, time seems to have started progressing real slow. Slept in the car (supposed to be about a 2 hour drive) and just a nap of 10 minutes made me feel as if I had been away for about 24 hours.

TV tower

Visited the TV tower today and tried standing on a tunnel of glass.

Wished I wouldn't geist any phasing effects while standing there.

Stuff flying off tables n shelves

Lost track of date and time about a month ago. Though, some time not so long ago, the following happened:

At the lab, tested something on flight electronics. Stepped away from the table, to put the flight electronics back to the "flight" drawer. Had taken a few steps when I saw stuff falling off the table. A hybrid of some table- and engineering model electronics crashed against the chair and fell on the ground from about 1 m.

Thought I had somehow accidentally touched it with my clothes or something.

Anyway, carefully placed the flight hardware into the drawer and picked up the piece of electronics that had just experienced this rather serious shock-test. Sat down to run all the tests to verify that everything was still working as expected .. perhaps a minute after sitting down, papers and some sort of electronics gadgets flew off the shelf right next to me.

Almost as if: "You think it was just your clothes? Watch this .. and stuff starts flying."

Didn't want to touch the flight any more that day (or was it night).

Thank you friends!

Something amazing just happened. An old friend visited the lab today and later provided a lift home. Somehow, he was really calm and after leaving the lab, he asked me how I felt about the team members. With that friendly feeling all around me, it occurred to me that actually there has been spiritual progress. It's just that by chasing it in a tense environment, I've missed a reference.

Thank you, friends! Soul healed by someone who used to be a skeptic. Now he's been dreaming of pk and weird experiences.

Imbalance

Oh man, what tension. Baseless accusations flying here and there. False information being spread and stuff. This and sleep deprivation stacked on top.. so far I've usually leaked energy into emotions about once a day for the last idon'tknowhowlong.

I find it somewhat difficult to maintain the feeling of love towards everything with like 3 accusations per minute fired at me and everything I do or have done. Sometimes it just feels it would be easier to ignore them and leave rather than try to interpret accusations as questions and answer them as politely as I can.

I wonder what purpose does this kind of period in life serve, other than forcing me to detach from everything. Especially because fighting life only brings more life. Detachment doesn't seem quite right either - it's like abandoning the responsibilities at a time when it's needed the most.

Balance

Yesterday night I happened to visit someone, whose father or grandfather had been a locally known siddha.

Flew around later.

Recently (for the span of a few months), I've learned a lot of new on stability and balance. For the previous years, I have usually been polarized. While being polarized, life tends to swing from one extremity to another, rarely coming to a rest.

No hug, no hate

Have been feeling a lack of something recently. Dreams had been not as bright (shrouded in a dark mist), the body and the soul seemed to be degrading. No love, no hatred.

Focused on the feeling of love towards the soul, body and stuff around it. The feeling of love, warmth, peace and yellow-white light appeared. Dreams became brighter (as if the projector lamp had been cranked up a bit).

"A wise man neither hugs nor hates this world"

Rather, "A wise man is not attached to this world by love nor hatred." That's because to me it seems that without love, the lights are out and we're blind. To me, hugging the world associates to having a feeling of love towards this world. One can have this feeling without becoming attached.

Empathy also stems from love. Love is vital because life is love.

Over-paranoid?

Today was pretty tense.

Thought we had managed to blow one of our electronics boards. Then, it gradually turned out that it had just been a coincidental chain of small events that left such an impression (a measurement device showing wrong numbers + there being a blob of solder on a couple of pins). Noticed geisting (lights flickering) and heat being emitted from the heart and throat chakras. The heat was intense enough for me to occasionally mistake it for mild pain.

A pretty inspiring video O12 posted on the forum recently:

This video clip had me feel something familiar, home-like, peaceful.

Exploring the outdoors

Today was fun, though, had been a bit nervous about how it would turn out. A lot of hiking and exploring around the city.

At the outskirts of the town, I found an "Inventorsville", with strong inspiration for experimenting with mechanics, electronics, zero-point energy. A perfect moment, a perfect scene and intersection of feelings that's a bit too difficult to describe in words. Want to learn to paint it someday.

Recently, the throat chakra has been giving off heat. Though, the heart chakra seems to be shrinking with pain a bit too often. Too tense, too serious an attitude.

Had been feeling a bit pissed at the need to visit grandparents for their wedding anniversary and act in a play or something. Sort of like a punishment for not being there on Christmas or on New Year's Eve. What is it with this, for how many years have I been trying to overcome this.. Each year I fight the hesitation, win and then the next year I have to entertain grandparents again, I still feel hesitant about it.

Well, luckily, this act's gonna be fun and related to clairvoyance as well.

Foreign dreams

New Year's firecrackers were good for pk practice. Tried to obtain the feeling of an explosion. Tried stasis on the burning pieces in the air. Applied wind, moving some of these pieces in an intended direction. Tried to lift some of them higher. Not all of this was successful .. fun =).

Had some interesting dreams last night. Pretty much all of them were foreign - buildings, places, people I haven't seen before. Well, some people were familiar too.

One of the dreams. Someone had just finished their new book on ancient marvels, anxious to show me (lotsa photos). Somewhere in a jungle, there were sites with incredible stone plates. The surface of these plates was covered in different ceramic materials fused within each-other. I guess one of these was covered in mica, on which there were symbols of black granite and tinsel or something. Somehow, these plates didn't seem to be covered in moss and earth. A bug in the dream? I guess there was also a grid of buildings somewhere, which might've been a factory. Thought so, because I guess I saw a plate with something conveyor-belt-ish + identical objects on it nearby.

Some other dream. We were in someone else's house. School, meetings, sauna, a need to go somewhere else. Typical.

Another dream with some other people. The environment had hints of being more related to me or this home. I guess we were in a large tent or something. Started packing some electronics that we had to take with us somewhere. Had a backpack from the waking life. Wondered if I could fit everything inside safely and still be able to carry it. Carefully packed the stuff, finding new pockets in the good old backpack. Was about to stuff a wire into one of those pockets I had never used before. Found some strange objects in there, none of which belonged to me. Asked the others, if they recognize any of these objects. Started to wonder if this was my backpack at all .. at least that's where I thought I left it. Anyway, as it turned out, inside this pocket, there was a loop in space-time. After taking out some of these foreign objects, I saw the inside of a tent from the bottom of the pocket. Somehow I knew there were 3 tents there. So, we all looked at it, puzzled about how that would be even possible. With the help of this pocket, I managed to carry the stuff, barely even feeling any weight on the shoulders.

Another dream, in a building I had visited before last night. Now there were more people in, mostly sleeping. Someone had invited me there, flew through the corridor, into the room (which I think had the door closed). I guess the sight was a bit OBE-ish there, seeing close to 360deg and through closed doors. Can't remember what we discussed there, I was more interested in the objects and pictures on the edge of an indoor fireplace. Wooden doorknobs..

Don't know what triggered these dreams. Have been messing with software and watching Dragonball Z in free time, nothing more for a few months.