I want OBE

Had a chat with Hyena a couple of days ago. He had some pretty cool lucid dreams and OBEs to share. Having experienced sleep paralysis, he took his sword with him to his dreams. The sword helped him regain lucidity whenever he sensed it slipping.

Envy: "That does it. I want OBE." .. and started pushing it. While at it, I found something I had been missing for a long time. Wobbling the psi field every now and then makes me feel a lot better.

Realized that one of the biggest fears I had was of geisting. Without realizing it myself, I've fled instead of facing it or even embracing it. A simple thought of "can't afford geisting" is enough to hamper progress.

Also, with the artificially increased psi density, evening pranayama felt a lot better than it did before.

Kept wobbling the psi until the body and mind fell asleep. Tripped on the edge of sleep and found the stage where I would hear hypnagogic sounds (people talking, moving around, opening, closing doors). Whut? *looks at the door*, the door looks open. Realized I was not in the body; popped back.

Had a dream, where a group of us were given the task to write essays or something. Actually, we were given just a few hours to do it (in addition to all the homework on other subjects). Found an exciting book on teacher's desk. Asked if I could borrow it for inspiration (an old plain thin paper-back on some declassified tech from the 21st century, with schematics, CAD drawings and all). She told me I had already borrowed one book and only one is allowed at a time. I could vaguely recall having borrowed some book before. She told I probably wouldn't bother myself trying too hard to remember it, since it had been a pretty long time ago. Next up was a history lesson. Had difficulties finding that classroom at first.

Blockage in the chest

Have been sleeping a lot lately, and still feeling tired.

While chatting with Hyena today, it happened again that I sensed the channels in the chest shrinking. Self-confidence was dropping, the ability to think clearly slowly faded.

It's a reflex that gets triggered when I detect too much focus on my ego. It shuts down the psi channels to avoid causing harm. Closing the valves while there's a lot of psi flowing, puts a lot of pressure on the valves - which causes pain in the chest. Also, due to a lack of psi after this reflex has done its job, an area in the chest becomes cold. It becomes so sensitive to cold that it makes lungs sensitive to pneumonia, causes heart to go out of rhythm at times and so on. Very unhealthy .. sometimes makes me wonder how this body is still alive after all that tension I've put it through.

While walking home, I focused on the chest, mentally asking what was the problem there. This alleviated the problem a little. Though, still, the tension skyrockets while discussing the weird stuff with skeptical people. This could cause loss of words, cold sweat, pretty heavy shivering. Posting on this blog has a similar effect, just not as intense.

Very unhealthy for the body. Really want to get over this.

Uh, dreams

Aunt visited us yesterday. Aunt and dad had a discussion on uncle's tumor.

Had a dream, where dad and I sat in a car. He was driving .. I didn't know he had a driving license. Anyway, we arrived at uncle's funeral. Aunt was already there.

Another dream. Found myself in Narva and had to get back to Tartu. Asked some people on the street with my crappy Russian language skills. They showed me the way. It seems there was a psychic shield that protected the rest of Estonia. Narva was only partially covered. Had to find a way through the shield and back to the hometown. Spotted another guy on the street, asked him for some advice on how to enter the bubble .. end of the dream, woke up.

None of these dreams were vivid, more like just symbols and images.

Dream: new apartment

Dad had somehow gotten a new apartment, which looked rather similar. Sister and Mom were there as well. I didn't know where it was or how to get there .. I had always been summoned or teleported there.

After discussing something with some friends, I was about to open the door for them to leave, when I noticed that the door was sealed with wallpaper. Me: "WTF? Why?" Broke the wallpaper seal and still opened the door to let the guests out. Strangely enough, the balcony had also been sealed. Sister said it was for security considerations of some sort. I didn't get it, since paper or textile wouldn't protect much anyway.

Dad was pretty enthusiastic about this new apartment. He looked as if he had a lot of money to work on the interior and technology. I knew I didn't.

Since I had not been outside yet, I went for a stroll. Found a cheap grocery store close by. It was also rather close to some old town with a lot of amazing museums of various kind (several seemed mining-related). Pretty houses with flowers hanging from the balconies. Continued in some random direction. Higher and more plain-looking buildings. A small house with a garden and a fireplace or something .. a dark-skinned family lived there and a lot of children were playing in the garden. Continued walking. Figured I should probably go back, otherwise I might just become lost in this foreign place. Arrived at the garden with the kids playing.

I guess I recognized that the dark-skinned man next to the fireplace (he was chopping firewood) was interested in pk and yoga stuff. Walked past a little bit closer to look at what he was doing. It looked as if there was a lot of weird in his chopping of firewood (didn't quite make sense to my mind).

I had the impression that everyone has their own path and that they're experiencing what's needed for their lesson of life to be the most fruitful. Since everyone has their own path, then it would be logical to assume that everyone is learning different things for the whole.

He saw himself in me. He said he has been me, that he has experienced everything I have experienced. Not quite sure whether he was talking about himself or not (it was as if he spoke about himself but from a 3rd person perspective or something). Anyway, he said something along the lines of "I can dodge missiles and ... . How dedicated are you to your practices?"

Dream ended at 6 AM. Tried hard to continue dreaming .. didn't work.

While thinking about the dream at a lecture today, I found a blockage (a small root of fear) from the chest area. This is what has caused the lungs, throat and head to be malnourished with prana.

Space and water

Have been focusing on the air and water around me for the past couple of days. Have also been trying to improve the focus on unconditional love.

Before sleep yesterday I let the mind become immersed in a forest near the summerhouse. Then tried to grasp the essence of a juniper. Pictured myself at a field of junipers, which is somewhere in the forest at the summerhouse. Pictured myself hugging the juniper, pictured being it. When I felt it being enough, I started moving the essence of juniper around within the body. This helped to clean the body.

Even though I hadn't had enough sleep, I felt rather fresh in the morning. Found that at the crown, as well as anywhere in the body, there was a nice soothing calm and lovely feeling. This feeling is there, no matter if I'm happy with myself or not .. it's unconditional. With it there's a faint light.

Practised focus on the surrounding space in the morning. It was windy and raining when I came back home. Practised focus on the surrounding space and water.

Watched a couple of Criss Angel Believe episodes.

Inflating awareness

Opened "The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep" by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche from a random page. It was the "Sleep yoga" chapter which I had not read before but found familiar. Recognized the emptiness and calmness as well as the spontaneous moments of clarity during the sleep. An Aha moment when suddenly yoga started making a lot more sense.

Before bed, I practised focus on everything constant. There is this certain emptiness and calmness in each and every piece of furniture as well as all the wind, trees, grass blades and water outside. Focused on that, trying to grasp it.

Every now and then focus wandered and thoughts appeared. Observed what could be seen from between the thoughts. Even if there are a lot of thoughts obstructing the view directly, there are always gaps between the thoughts, during which one can see what is beyond. Thus it is still possible for the mind to put the picture together by keeping the focus on what shines through from these gaps and then just do it long enough so that all the pieces are gathered.

Approached it in two more ways. Occasionally I focused on my breathing, but in such a way that I would sense and hear it from a distance - to force myself to observe the body breathing, not me doing the breathing. For a few times I deliberately thought of or visualized a feeling or an object, after which I sharply cut the visualization to focus on the moment of emptiness that would be there shortly after the thought or visualization.

It did not take long before I could keep focus on the emptiness and all encompassing love (which shines through the emptiness on its own) for seconds. When I eventually stretched it into about 10 seconds, something cool happened.

I could hear the body breathe in the distance. Consciousness was moving farther from the body,  while at the same time, it was growing larger .. as if being inflated. After having become 2 or 3 times larger, it 'popped' into shape. A good old familiar feeling of presence, which I had forgotten. Due to some sort of insecurities, I had somehow been drawn inside and compressed into a smaller form.

After about 2 hours of this practice, I felt fully energized. Well, since it was about 1 AM, I turned around and fell asleep.

Very familiar floaty feeling since last night. Some mild geisting (lights flickering, about 20 meters from me, a plastic bottle fell on its own).

Paperbend

Had been feeling rather tired for the last few days. Took a daily nap, while trying to maintain focus on the crown. A few hours after the nap, some psi channels became unclogged. A lot of motivational content for the rest of the day.

Owltwelve posted on his latest levitation and teleportation progress. Can't express all my excitement.

Found this blog: http://www.teleportation-101.blogspot.com/
Really inspiring posts.
Edit: a youtube playlist of a teleportation seminar.

It's been a while since I last directly trained pk. Took a random piece of paper on the table and balanced it in such a way that a part of the paper would hang in the air off the edge of the table. Lifted the edge of the paper, then bent it downwards several times, but didn't manage to make it fall off the table. Targeted an old printer fan on the other table. Wanted to have it spin, but it just twitched on the table, making snapping sounds. Pk training is very good for focus practice.

Disassembled, cleaned and reassembled the laptop today morning. The inverter is still busted, though. Well, at least, found out what was wrong with bluetooth. The antenna coax had been ripped off with a piece of copper from the PCB. No clue as to how that could've happened. So, the cable has been dangling around on the motherboard for years, possibly causing short-circuits here and there.

Jolt of consciousness

During the routine in-bed meditation before sleep, I experienced 2 more jolts of consciousness / sensations of space-time warping within. The first one was smaller. The second one, however, was so intense that it startled me a little .. while meditating on the psi pulsing in the central channel, I lost track of space and time for a moment. Came back, verified the surroundings and checked the time. Wouldn't want to end up in a random place at a random time without the ability to find the way back.

Cookies in the oven

In general, I've been pretty happy today.

While walking home, I tried to keep focus on the light that permeates all. Noticed that I can't see the light in the distance, just near me. Remembered that was also the case a couple of years ago. So, perhaps this light does not originate from the outside at all? Looked at my hand and found it to be faintly glowing this light. Noticed the tendency to think of what the experience was like two years ago. Mind wandered a bit too close to this old tendency .. instant darkness, no self-confidence, no signs of progress. Tried to climb out again.. "No, I'll not become what I used to be. I'll go far beyond that."

Being hungry, I visited the department store, cooked something nice, sat at the laptop while chewing and bit my tongue 2 times. Wasn't happy about that.

If you're trying to change you, incorporate this change into every aspect of your life. This way there's less chance of the mind clinging to old habits and slipping back. Don't let it slip .. the previous you is not you anymore.

This change has propagated into the dreams and helped me there as well. Previously there used to be wet dreams; moments when I was not aware enough to maintain the cultivated energy. More recently, there have been numerous tantra success events .. focusing real hard on a pre-chosen point when a wet dream is about to happen, which redirects the energy so that it is not lost. A few nights ago, I thought it was not as successful - I was tired within the dream and a bit late with this reflex of focusing on the crown. On the other hand, this allowed me to experience the whole process step by step. Previously I had thought the wet dream would start from the mind and then propagate to the body, after which there's no holding back anymore. However, the redirection of the fluids into the nerve system is more physical and more literal than I used to think. Also, it seems that this sharp focus more like teleports the fluids up to the crown, rather than causing them to propagate up the spine and through the brain. This also caused some confusion earlier.

In one of the recent dreams, I had gotten a new body. Met a couple of friends, who wanted to test it out. I was busy doing something, while they dragged out a howitzer and started firing at me. Didn't pay much attention to them at first. Finished what I had been doing and told them that it probably wasn't a very good idea. Should have the body gradually become used to it. They let me go and I was relieved. By that time, they had fired 5 shots, all of which had barely missed.

In another dream, I tried to move like Boston Dynamics Wildcat. Got to go pretty fast, but while at it, I guess the dream body shapeshifted. When I stopped and opened the door at the summerhouse, I found myself in a human body without clothes.

Yesterday evening there was a large jolt of consciousness within the physical body. Jolts this large have been pretty rare so far.

UFO swarm dream

For most of the night, I was observing the sky from the balcony in the dreams. A lot of UFOs and some conventional aerial vehicles flying around. A helicopter staring at me recording it on camera .. a few jets flying after some UFOs. Several crafts that were clearly man-made, but I hadn't seen them before. A lot of various sorts of alien crafts as well. Some of those were stationary for a long time, easily mistaken for stars.

In the meantime, I practised pk for playing with gravity .. walking on the walls and ceiling. Also in the dreams.

Dreams dreams

A cool dream of flying a couple of nights ago. Flew through the kitchen window and over the street. It was very early in the morning, but after a while, I found some people on the streets. Pretty sunrise lit the streets.

Father had seen a dream, where he visited one of those No-Stars, which we observed here: http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/09/thats-no-star.html

He remembered having discussed something important with these guys, but couldn't recall anything from the discussion.

Yesterday I came home, thought I felt hungry. Ate some.

From the dreams, I remember visiting a restaurant, came in from the side (there was a door towards a lovely view to a lake). The walls had large windows or were made of glass, with some pillars between the large panels of glass. It was an early morning with a nice sunrise. There was someone working at the restaurant this early. Right after me, a small duck stepped in through the door. It came to me, asking for food. The restaurant staff had occasionally given the duck something to eat. That someone, who was working early, said the duck was spoilt and has an infinite appetite.

Woke up at the middle of the night when the herring was busy in the pipeline of digestion. Practised some visualization enhanced digestion. The effect was immediate with feedback from the body.

Focused on the CFL hanging from the ceiling, trying to light it up with pk. A brighter spot appeared for a moment, then disappeared again.

In another dream, which I had last night, I met grandfather again. In the dreams, he's always happy and has a good health. He had bought land at a nice place and built a small hut to live in. Had been planning to buy a piece of land somewhere around there as well. However, I had considered it too expensive. Perhaps could also afford just a small hut not much larger than the room in this apartment.

Late for school

Watched some soothing videos of guru talks last night.

In the dreams, I found myself far away again .. but needed to be back for school. Had a meeting there + 2 lectures. I was already 15 minutes late and the bus was still driving towards the town. Right when I had thought I was running late, the bus sped up. Subconscious was the driver and the bus. I don't think there was anyone else on the bus.

The terrain was flooded, roads were cracked .. there were even deep pits on the way. As the bus sped up, it flew over these cracks and pits, it drove over the floods. Even though I saw the road conditions and it looked pretty dangerous, it didn't seem to have affected me, the bus, nor the driver.

Arrived late. It did not look like school at all. There was water everywhere, it looked as if nobody had been there for centuries. I was that late.

This place where I was, looked like a tower on wheels with spiral stairs. As I walked up the stairs, the wheels started rotating .. the whole thing rotated. Some mild dizziness. As it rotated, I looked back towards the ground, which was covered in rocks and boulders. Along these, there were shards of stones with ancient writings extruded from their surface. I was happy and excited. This is the true school.