Welcome

The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Saturday, August 31, 2013

Balancing channels


Edit: Those few nights ago I used to try and force all that energy upwards from the abdomen and lower-body. Tried it with mere force, as well as by focusing on a point so intensely that it would suck all the energy there. Still, whenever my focus started to wander during the night, all the energy fell down again and I had a wet dream.

This probably wouldn't happen if the energy is stuffed into the central channel.

Pranayama to maintain balance of the channels and focus on the central channel to bring prana there.
I wonder how I've even managed to forget it. Probably did something, without feeling it through well enough. Anyway, I improve.

This is a good chapter on Tummo practice:
http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/ettt/ettt14.htm

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Gotta think positive

Next night after the mainstream dream, I had the coolest dream so far. Was a lot younger and spent several years practising pk together with a friend. The guy I had been observing / training in, was a little bit nervous about his first day at school. However, when the teacher asked him something math or language, he didn't have any problems. History, however, mind-boggled the teacher. This guy would effortlessly remote view the places and situations that were asked.

Suddenly a wave of heat shot upwards and caused a tantra fail, though. Which meant I had to wake up earlier, caused me to feel more tired.

Those dreams, however, inspired me to think a bit different. Whatever would happen, I should just think "I improve". This would both alleviate arrogance, leave behind the limits of perfectionism and help over the mind-block of seeing myself as weak.

Next night, I guess the dreams were pretty abstract (work, school related). Suddenly, another tantra fail. Felt pretty hungry, exhausted today. I improve.

Took a 2.5 hours nap. First saw white smoke, then a dream, which involved being in a totalitarian system, where pretty much the whole world looked as if faked for the people. A nice sunset, after which it became pitch black for a long time. A shark. A haunted boat on which the sailor had decided to give up everything .. took drugs and prepared to die. Still felt exhausted after the nap.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Mainstream dream

A lot of cars of various sorts. A lot of babes later.

I was confused. A very unusual dream, for me, at least.

Most of the psi is in the lower chakras again, for some reason.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Empathy - a weakness?

Yesterday I posted on the forum that luckily I rarely unleash my emotions on people. I'm not very emotional, nor do I expose my emotions much.

While googling around for Hendershot generator and the unpolar caps needed, I stumbled upon a random forum where one guy asked where one could buy those. A bunch of other guys basically mocked him (some of whom looked like forum admins or something). Then another guy appeared on the forum and said "don't pay attention to them," in a rude way. The leader of the mockery guys threatened this newcomer. Didn't pay that much attention to it at first. However, after I had left the forum, I noticed something interesting.

I felt having associated myself to the leader of the mockery guys and felt displeased at myself for having mocked this guy. So, just reading one topic in a forum had a remarkable effect on my karma. How can such a small thing have such an effect, even if it has nothing to do with me? I'm not even a member on that forum, nor do I know any of the members there. It seems just .. weird. Isn't this a weakness?

Dreams: psi-quake arena and flood

Before falling asleep, I found light shining from within me. Moved towards the center and stared at it until I no longer saw it .. I guess the mind's eye got blinded or something.

A boringly typical old dream. A survival arena for practising psychokinesis on NPCs. Me: "Ah, not again. I've played this one through for more than 5 times already." A little unsure whether or not I was still in shape, I just worked my way through it again. Usually these "games" involve climbing around, hiding from, killing some sort of monsters.

I guess I left the game, teleported somewhere or something transformed .. don't know. Anyway, I found myself in a large apartment room with minimal furniture (perhaps just a table at the window, with most of the room empty). The room had calming green wallpaper, white ceiling and a bright gray floor (possibly a carpet). There were at least 4 of us playing. The others were still "away, fighting". These games were known to drain one's energy a lot. Friends kept dropping on the floor out of exhaustion, while I was no longer affected. I could see what was going on in their minds while they were "fighting" in that virtual reality. Saw the constructs they used, their physical and mental state, etc. just by looking at them.

Noticed some rather strange clouds outside the window. These clouds had gone past us, while we were "playing" or "fighting" or whatever this activity was. Dark clouds - looked like lightning clouds, except for the violet-pink plasma vortexes/waves that moved with it.

There had been a serious flood while I was "away". The streets looked like a wet swamp glittering in sunshine. "Pretty," I thought. Wanted to take a photo, which made me realize it was a dream. Left the room and went to the other side of the building, looked outside the window there. Same thing .. a lot of water and greenery growing from all this water. I was amazed at all the details, even saw tiny waves on the water surface, due to the wind drafts between the buildings. Again, that pretty green grass, trees, water and the way sun made it all glitter. Woke up.

Fairly similar to the other flood dream:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/07/dream-flood.html

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Some more on body-focus

It's been a fun ride again, though, it seems something is slipping again. It seems as if it takes more effort again to keep the mind focused.

Would like to be able to turn the senses inward. Within the past few days, there has been one occasion, when my focus on the body was strong enough so that I lost the senses for a second. I guess one time I tried to focus on the resonant frequency of the body, then a loud buzzing of vibrations took over and I felt pulled out of body.

I've noticed that for me, this concentration on the shape of the body exercise indicates 2 levels of depth. The first is just awareness of the shape .. drifts away pretty easily. When I then "burst" the intensity, then I can detail it a little (fingers, toes, hair) and maintain more of the shape in active focus. This shape would last for some time after leaving focus.

One morning, I found that the body had most likely caught a cold during the night (sometimes goes down to 10 *C from about 25 *C during the day). Certain body parts ached. A few minutes of this body-focus exercise healed it.

Recently, dreams have been pretty vivid and detailed, but I still tend to forget them. Can't recall having anything extraordinary enough to remember.

One, which I had recently:
Aunt woke me up to have me do some work. Felt pretty tired. Didn't want to do work at first .. even sensed that I wouldn't have to. Some parents had wanted us to teach their children to swim. But I guess the weather was a bit too chilly, so they might've reconsidered. Anyway, I ended up going for a swim alone. Sure, the water was very hot anymore .. as expected, since it's end of August. While in water, I noticed that a lot of black floaters appeared from the body .. another dream of cleansing. Also noticed that the pond was not far from a couple of dry closets, in shifted space, though. A pretty weird place to go swimming anyway.

Last night I remember discussing a lot of different stuff with some people I knew, but not from this life, nor from any of the dreams I remembered having before.

Edit: Ah, another small observation. A couple of evenings ago, I tried some Pranayama again and this time sensed better what it did. Witnessed it cleanse the mind .. various clusters of desires and thought patterns left through the right nostril. Usually during pranayama practice, I would also "see" the world brighten up .. or clouds and shadows disappear from the awareness.

A young telepath

Dad's back from Hungary. On our way back from a department store, a little girl and her Mom walked past. The little girl asked her Mom: "Why is this guy wearing the other pants?"

Dad started laughing. I hadn't been listening. Anyway, I had just bought a new pair of pants. Since there were no cabinets for testing clothes outside the shop, then I just left the new pants in the bag (which was non-transparent).

This little girl somehow picked it up from my mind, without me even focusing on her. Or, perhaps she got it from Dad .. in any case, she was a young natural telepath .. =D.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Body-focus

While having a nap yesterday, focused consciousness in the shape of the body and tried to keep it that way for about an hour. Started to feel warmer and healthier.

Have been seeing bright flashes around the head, when some thoughts pop up.

Felt floaty in the kitchen. Visualized gravity pulling me towards the ceiling .. this yielded a rather strange feeling. Realized that it's far more real than I would've thought, thanks to which I saw the world from a new angle for some time. Stopped focusing on reversed gravity before it might fully manifest and cause injuries.

Noticed that blender utensils looked freshly washed. Probably got sprayed with water while I was washing something else. Have been home alone for I guess about 2 weeks.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Stuff in the room

I've been seeing weird stuff again recently.

Dark or bright shadows moving around, bright orbs.

Last night I saw the reflection of what looked like a grayish-brown bird flying past. The room was lit, but behind the balcony it was pretty dark. Balcony windows were closed. I saw the reflection on laptop screen. Due to the angles and lighting, it would've been physically possible only if the bird were in the room. When I looked over the shoulder, I couldn't see anything.

Sometimes the lighting in the room becomes darker, sometimes brighter. As if something shadowing the ceiling lamp.

Infusion

On
http://theairen.blogspot.com/2010/06/infusioon-ilma-inimese-teadmata.html

Here's how I understood it. Humans tend to have their shields up all the time. In order to relay info to them, they have to be caught off guard. Often, a startling or frightening situation is created to divert attention so that a channel can be built. This could be an abduction, an accident, a weird dream, animals behaving strange, etc. The downside is that some people tend to become attached to this temporary flicker of fear.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Bugsnest

Didn't have an appetite since lunch yesterday. Felt the need for at least something before going to bed at night. Ate cheese, bread and drank some of the water of those 20 years old pickles.

Today morning I had a dream, where a lot of tiny bugs crawled out from my throat area (as if from under the skin somewhere). There were so many bugs that they made the sound of a heavy rainfall when they hit the floor. It kept "raining" for about a minute or so. I probably looked like a moving ant nest or something =).

Similarities to this one: http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/02/bugs-came-out.html

Tantra fail in the next dream, which might also be good for cleansing purposes.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

GeGene

Got to put all that energy to good use. Conspiracy theories got a bit boring. So, I started looking into free energy again. Found GeGene on JLNaudin's page. Looks fairly simple and cheap to build.

While looking around on the page, suddenly the Ganesha figure leaned to one side and rocked to the other. I don't think I've experienced that sort of geisting before.

Conspiracy stuff

Strange, but the more I watch these conspiracy shows, interviews and stuff .. the warmer it makes me feel. Also, somehow it makes me smirk or even laugh, without being aware of the cause.

I guess I'm digging a lot of old news of stuff that never happened and never would happen .. simply because so much has changed since then.

Yesterday I meditated on it a little, with the intent on raising the vibes. Got a feeling that this might endanger the current situation and only cause problems. So I just focused on empathy and compassion, instead.

Yet again, I feel as if I'm stuck as an observer, who really shouldn't intervene, but really want to help. Can't remember having helped any, so this makes me really want to do it .. while always feeling like I've missed the bus. However, the usual answer is more like "you've already done it" of sorts.

Sorry for any problems I might have caused, while trying to spread stuff on conspiracies. Even if it's old news, I think it's still a good idea for everyone to be aware of it.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Reverse whisper

Meditated some last night.

Remembered the last dream, which took place somewhere near a grammar school, I guess. It was a nice morning with the sun still low. Somehow, or for some reason, a few IU athletes showed up (a guy and 2 or 3 girls behind him). They came to us, seemingly glad to find someone who speaks English.

I guess this guy proposed to jog / run a little. "Sure," I said. Both of us increased speed. He outran me gradually, as my feet physically couldn't move that fast. So, I started flying, since then the physical limitations of the feet wouldn't apply. As a side-effect, awareness increased, which gradually lifted me out of the dream.

Woke up early and noticed something strange. First, there were periodic crackling noises (as if water dripping on the floor, or furniture expanding due to thermal gradients). Then there were a lot of birds making a sound in the background. But in addition to that, it sounded as if someone were whispering through the sound of the birds. Couldn't make out any words .. it sounded as if whispered words played backwards or something. Similar to this:


It wasn't creepy, just a little queer. Could be "debunked" by the acoustics of a balcony with half-closed windows and some echoing from the other rooms.

After about a minute of laying in bed and trying to meditate, birds stopped making so much ruckus, the whispering disappeared and crackling noises became less frequent.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Cloud bunny

Listened to music, wrote code and tested it. One of the songs was Tom Day & Monsoonsiren - We watched the clouds form shapes.

Took a nap. When I opened my eyes, I saw a nice fluffy bunny-shaped cloud drifting around in the sky.
Cloud bunny
Tom Day - Never give up is really good, too.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Psychic rootkit

That was not the only fear that had popped up again. Right with it, empathy dropped, psi intensity decreased and I had started to feel low.

Focused on them last night. Saw the root of fear become smaller and smaller, until it vanished completely.

A windy-rainy day. Thought it would be nice to have a few warmer days, for change. After work, I found it really warm outside.

Intended on seeing things for what they are .. and dissociate them from labels, emotions and patterns of thought.
 Hm .. out of the blue, one of my grandmas thought of me. They're not the OBE or pk practising kind. Hope they're alright. Wouldn't go calling tho, would make it seem rather awkward.

----------------------------------------------
On another note, there's girl, who's all pretty and cool in my mind and occasionally pops up. Had a crush on her a few years ago, when I let an empathy shield down. There's a problem, though. I don't have anything to talk to her about and she finds me boring, so she usually hangs around with the younger souls. This has gone on for a few years already. *apartment blackout for half a second* Dad: "Lightning somewhere?" (no lightning in a range of 2000 km). I've often overheard her talk about drinks and parties, which is pretty far from my field of expertise. She's a physics student, so I suspect she's rather skeptical about most of the stuff that interests me anyway. Should give it a try sometime.

An urge of wanting to discuss all the impressive stuff in this world. Occasionally I find even the family and the pk forum too skeptical or not deep enough .. which is already way beyond pretty much all friends. Probably not a good idea to yap about this stuff on a barge covered in hard-core scientists. =)

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Spooked

Ok, read this last night:
http://www.crystalinks.com/montauk1.html
and got spooked by the story of John A. Quinn.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Improvements

On a more general note, empathy has improved, a sensation of thick psi above the head has arisen (without having focused there, at least, not intentionally).

Took a nap, tried to redirect a lightning cloud further away from the town. Noticed that the cloud felt as if it were physical. Could push it with my hand, could hug it, or blow on it .. at the same time feeling both myself and the cloud.

This level of empathy is most likely one of the causes for me being this tired. The flow of information through me has increased considerably. Shall get used to it soon.

Remembered that yesterday before falling asleep, I found myself observing an old Indian, I guess. He wanted to show me something, so I watched, but missed the point at first. He was making bread, I guess .. however, there were straws through the bread. To me, this did not look right. However, everything had to be exactly the way it was. Watched it for minutes, without realizing the point. At one moment, I noticed that it was probably not the bread he had wanted to show me. Looked at him from another perspective and found myself slightly arrogant in respect to my surroundings. After correcting my attitude, he nodded.

Thank you

Played in the gray clay room

Watched the video on Philadelphia and Montauk projects with father. Discussed a lot of that interesting stuff with him yesterday. Wondered, how one could build self-healing electronics and spaceships.

In one of the dreams, I was in a well-lit gray room without shadows nor any windows. On my left, there was a small door. At the center of the room, there was a low pedestal or something .. a sandbox of sorts. There I could visualize a pattern of electromagnetic vortexes, after which, this gray clay-like substance would animate the formation of matter. By the end of the dream, I had come up with something that auto-generated a futuristic-looking building. It kept growing, becoming more and more detailed in time.

Somebody came in through the door, so I showed it to them. For some reason, that somebody looked like my sister.

I was given some sort of a capsule with some sort of an oil. I knew that oil, or, I had had it before and back then it made me feel sick (too oily). This time, though, I could tell that the body was missing some of that .. and took the capsule. Reminded me of Omega-3 or something. Had a strong taste, though .. could still taste it in my mouth after waking up. Slowly faded away..

Yesterday, father saw his uncle in the dreams. His uncle warned him about the weight distribution of his tractor. Suggested him to relay the warning to his brother.

So, in another one of the dreams, I was in a lux car with his brother. There was a wire dangling somewhere, which I thought might damage one of the side mirrors. Somehow, I couldn't get through to him .. used the good old tactics of screaming, knocking on the window glass next to him .. no go.

The sleep pattern is still off. Was rather tired at work.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Ceiling flashed white

Read some more conspiracy theories and stuff on Sunday. Went jogging in the evening. Felt a lot of psi.

When I came back, I heard a little girl weeping, as she moved past me with a scooter. Looked at her, thought: "don't cry". Right when I did, she quickly turned around, almost crashing with the scooter, looked at me for a split-second and rushed towards her home.

She didn't freak out, nor did she think about it much. I was happy.

Happy dreams on Saturday and Sunday. However, the awareness and lucidity in the dreams is dropping considerably. A meditation session of a couple of minutes on meditating for hours or days must've helped a lot.

Occasionally there's a nice propagation of heat and occasionally there's a nice stream of psi and peace in the mind. There have been a few realization moments as well, however, it's still too immature for me to be able to post any.

Stared at the ceiling today. Saw several "white fibers" of psi there. Relaxed and got the feeling of being slightly out of body, walking around on the walls and the ceiling. As the sensation of gravity towards the ceiling increased, I suddenly saw the ceiling flash bright white (for perhaps half a second). That was .. weird.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Russellian science





Started learning Russellian science.
A lot of good quotes for pk and enlightenment subjects here:

Remote control

Hmm ..
http://www.whale.to/b/keith.html
.. transmission of specific commands via static or white noise bands into the human subconscious without upsetting other intellectual functions.

Then there's a lot of different types of antenna towers and building roofs, which might be used for this purpose.

... "Sounds and possibly even words which appear to be originating intercranially can be induced by signal modulations at very low power densities."

A possible solution:
Wall proposed that the effect of microwave voices could be detected with an electroencephalograph (EEG) machine. The main drawback - this technique is that if whatever agency was broadcasting the messages was aware of the use of monitoring equipment, the messages would undoubtedly stop. As Wall states, "While it is not a perfect solution, it is hopefully a start towards monitoring, validating, and correcting the problem of involuntary mind control experimentation and harassment of innocent victims.
Found an interesting site: http://disinfo.com/about/
Though, I find the domain name a bit discouraging.

Inspired

Found an inspiring video last night:

Psi became a lot more active. Couldn't sleep at night .. too energized. While watching the video, tension built up in the body. At some point, I sensed a small being hold my hand for about a minute. Couldn't see them, but I cold feel the warmth of their hand and the soothing calmness of their mind. In my mind, they looked similar to the beings at Häädemeeste (glowing orange, beings of light).

Found this video particularly inspiring for learning radio physics and electronics as well as pk experimentation with portals. For starters @ pk experimentation, tried to make a small portal above our WiFi accesspoint and link the other end to the summerhouse (spread it around the whole area, there). There had been problems of WiFi coverage there. I wonder if they would see a new WiFi connection there..

Contributed some to my room construct, which has been inspired by father's abduction story. A thin yellow-white fog that smoothly illuminates the whole room without shadows. In addition to that, this construct has healing, anti-dust, anti-smoke, anti-mosquito, anti-fly properties and protects the room against unwanted entities.

While focused on the room construct, I saw a lot of movement. A dark blob to my left moved towards the living-room, another dark blob moved at the window. Saw a white flash for a millisecond.

Took a tea, a shower and meditated for about 30 minutes. Experienced the balcony door move. Mind had become focused on it in the background.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Cold kitchen

Today it has been windy. But still rather hot (32 *C).

Tried to remember what a winter-cold breeze on the feet felt like. Reached a similar feeling for less than a second. Though, suspected that it would be difficult to limit the effect to just the kitchen. Next time I visited the kitchen, temperature had dropped to 25 *C. Now it was about 20 *C. Kitchen does feel the coldest, even though I also have the balcony door open in my room. In my room it's still about 30 *C. Heavy wind blowing in from the kitchen window..

Ah, off topic, but last night's dream was not too interesting. Explored a video game world in the dreams again.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Last night

Tis gona be long (misspelt that on purpose), but a fairly typical example of my dreams.

Last night I went to bed at 11 PM. In the dream, I continued with work until 1 AM. The rest of the group were already having fun (some sort of military-related games - paintball or airsoft or similar, probably) somewhere on the edge of a slope, which I could see from out of the window. I guess we were in Latvia somewhere, at least that's how it felt like .. and there were a lot of Latvians around.

Walked there .. it was dark. This activity had been booked (and some equipment borrowed out) for all of us, so I had to pay for it, even though I had missed it. Also, since there had been equipment borrowed to us beforehand, then had to return it. However, the bus we had arrived there in .. it had already driven back to Tartu with my equipment on my seat. Don't know how I solved the problem, but I delivered the equipment in time. Probably teleported or apported some thing or two.

Since the rest of the group had already left long ago, I guess I just teleported to somewhere near my summerhouse (next to the stable, to be exact). It was early morning and it was no longer dark. I guess I walked up to the house and into the living room. Someone asked me if I've already seen this, and showed a newsflash. Teleported back home, there dad showed the same newsflash. Checked around and it was everywhere on the news. Some soldier had found an UFO (unidentified flying object) of sorts. Looked like he had captured a small drone. Found it strange that such a thing would even end up in the news. Media and at least a part of the military were probably on the side of civilians. Focused in on the image and "entered".

Picked the drone up and started analyzing it. Multiple layers of propellers at the top, some motors and miniature electronics underneath, under which there was even more serious electronics. Experimented with it, and noted how it reacted to sound and changes in the environment. It was a cheap and simple observation drone. Had barely understood what one of the smallest PCBs was there for, when the whole thing started to fall apart.

Anyway, the next moment I'm somewhere in a building, knowing that a lot of friends are on the front line and that I had been put aside for some other purposes.

Focused on a friend at the battlefield. He had fought, he had fallen. Now he woke up in this smog and eerie silence, knowing that everyone else had left him. Sounds of explosions from the distance.

Someone showed me a map and drew a line on it, talking about something that didn't seem very interesting. The map was rotated, but I think the line was drawn somewhere near Greece.

The next moment someone notifies me about some soldiers being after me. Didn't take it too seriously at first. Though, when I saw them walk past one of the windows, I made a run for it. Multiple stairways, rooms, doors. Managed to get far enough to hide. I knew I couldn't outrun them. I could only hide for long enough for them to miss me. The shower and sauna rooms were to my left. Had an idea to close myself in a sauna there and put a sign "Out of order" on the closed door or something. Somehow in that sauna it was real hot at first .. felt the skin burning. Turned it down.

Then some people came in there. Observed them sitting there. After a while, one of them started leaking some thick black fluid out of the corner of their mouth. What was really strange about this .. none of the other people considered it strange. Observed the black fluid creep up another person sitting next to the man, from whose mouth the fluid sourced.

This did not seem right. Kicked the 2 doors, stopped in the corridor. With seemingly no other way out of the situation, I picked another earth-like planet and teleported there. Survived. Dream ended early .. about 2 hours till the alarm.

Now that I think about it, what if this someone lied and there actually wasn't anyone after me at all? What if it was all to test whether I would handle fear? There have been numerous dreams alike, though, in but a few of them I've known I would survive. In this one I knew there always had to be a way, no matter how impossible it seemed.

Clothing vs aura; construct of cool

Unbelievably hot today. 40 *C, even after rain. Noticed that around the body, a cloud of cool was formed. Similar to how on a cold day, there would be a cloud of warmth.

A couple of days ago father mentioned one of his observations about aura. He said that people usually tend to wear clothes that match the color of their aura. Their favorite color, I reckon.

Performed a reverse experiment. Wore white one day .. saw white flashes of tiny dots around me. Wore blue the next day .. saw blue flashes of tiny dots around me. So, depending on which color I was wearing, the color of the tiny dots / orbs changed.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Slipping?


Had a dream, where a lot of tiny ants and other bugs were threatening my home (which was the summerhouse). Kept protecting it.

Keep getting tense while doing work.

About 3 or 4 short electricity blackouts at home. Garbage bin made a sound in the other room.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Ferry blackout


While reading Titorites' blog, I remembered a geisting event from two nights ago .    . we were waiting in the line for the 1 AM ferry. There were 2 ferries at the dock + a lot of sodium streetlamps shining onto the concrete. Decided to meditate some. Focused on something internal. ::One of the ferries goes dark (motors halt, electrical blackout, a second later its electricity becomes back online) + one sodium streetlamp goes off and starts heating up again:: Both happened pretty much exactly at the same time.

Shortcuts

While walking home today, I occasionally focused on my internal stuff. Car traffic disappeared, sense of time and memories faded. Within a splitsecond, I experienced several hours of meditation in the mind.

So far I've often ignored these experiences, because they clearly source from visualizations. In a sense, it's just like running a simulation in the mind. There's a catch, however .. these simulations live their own life. After visualizing the initial environment and conditions, one can observe and witness the process and outcome.

This time it seemed exceptionally evident that in my mind, the simulation was real. It had an effect on my mind. Also, the realization from after the meditation session was something that I simply wouldn't have thought of myself. It occurred on its own.

Also realized that I was wrong about shortcuts. One can make shortcuts, because they can design their own rules to live by.

Meditated for some more seconds on meditating for about a day. Another change in the mind.

With these meditations, I lost some awareness of walking. After the first session, I had a deja vu. To my right, there was the same car I thought I had seen earlier today. The situation seemed rather familiar as well.

Fire dream at IU Hospital?

I remember seeing a completely clear night sky somewhere in the dreams. The stars were exceptionally bright and I could see a lot of them. There was no bad eyesight. No clouds, not even a faint gradient of skylight that would've shadowed the stars and planets. Amazed of the sight.

Another dream. Our spacetech team was in an older building at some sort of an university, when suddenly a fire broke loose. This fire was really hot, spread really fast. It melted metal, burned bricks. Don't know who or what started it .. made a run for it. Elevators, electronics didn't work. There were some sort of rusty-red fire-proof doors that closed automatically. Our head of the management became cornered behind one of such doors. Pushed the door open (with a roar, like those great muscle-men often do .. barely had any muscles on me tho) to let him out. Anyway, we ran out of the building, onto a field of grass in front of the building. There we witnessed the old factory-like building collapse, as its main support structures had burned hollow (were made of bricks).

At the meeting today, I noticed that I agreed with everything the head of the management proposed.

In the dream I thought it was Indiana University. Probably related to Grubb's graduation there. For some reason, the place seemed similar to the IU Hospital building (exactly the same pattern of colors and slightly similar geometry) and yet different from it (the building on the left is missing a tower with triangle roof and the car park on the right does not look like an old factory - no chimneys):
Some random image via Google Image search.
Almost fits the view angle from the dream, just a little more towards the right.
Google Maps owns this one.
Stolen via Google again, from campusexplorer or something.
Anyway, on this one, there's something that looks slightly reminiscent
of the factory-like looking building (missing chimneys),
as well as a triangle shaped tower (not made of dark glass, tho).

Don't know .. whatever. A dream is a dream and this one contained a lot of different symbols from different minds. Just fun to see that I got the rough geometry of the area along with the color pattern right .. and recognized the place in the dream, without having seen it anywhere before.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Ignorance, loneliness and respeckt

While preparing a sauna at the summerhouse, I had trouble getting the fire to light up. Multiple matchsticks + visualization of heavy fire, but not much happened. Matchsticks started burning out pretty quickly and one of them hurt the thumb.

It looked as if the skin had gotten burnt and blisters had been formed. Did not accept such a reality .. a little self-suggestion and scratched the burnt skin off, only to find a perfectly healthy skin underneath. It was back to normal and no longer hurt.

While reading smoore's posts on the psychokinesis forum, I developed an urge to reply to some of her posts. Wrote the replies and tossed them aside. Recognized that same old bitter-sweet experience of being lonely. That's what had me write those replies. Once I had recognized it, then the replies were no longer needed. Took a shower and suddenly found that the feeling of loneliness had disappeared without a trace. It was only there for as long as I had it in the mind (or consciousness pinned on it).

Had experienced the same bitter-sweet loneliness at the summerhouse as well. Could only enjoy an in-depth discussion on psi, pk and the weird with Kaspar. He even got the point of The Tulpa shortfilm, without me saying anything. His older brother Kevin seemed to have grown more skeptical about these things. When Kevin's girlfriend arrived, I had a dream where she said she wanted to discuss something with me. I said "No, thanks. I'm asocial." and left. Some way of expressing respect - not to bother them, in other words, ignorance.

Back from vacation

Decided to come home later. Spent 1 extra day at the summerhouse, doing all of the things that I found missing from this summer (went for a swim, played some drums, visited a fair, celebrated aunt's birthday). In other words, had 1 or 2 full days of vacation while the rest of the week was to help uncles and aunts.

Arrived home late. Slept for 3.5 hours and went to work.

A daily nap without dreams. Felt just like sitting in a garage, discussing the parameters of a car with a neighbour. Only that instead of the car, there's this body.

Discussed a lot of weird stuff with the youngest uncle. Once again, Babylon 5 series popped up in the discussions. Should probably watch it again (I was pretty small the last time I watched it).

Heard from father that Mom had lost her new husband .. a heart attack. I suspect that father probably saw her while out of body or something, since he described changes in her aura as well.

Also heard from father that he had been nearly run over by a car. I guess it had been yesterday evening,  when a sports car sped around the corner and father managed to run away fast enough.

Some minor pk and meditation in the meanwhile. Found an old fear / desire, which had been causing problems with the throat chakra. However, last night, the throat started to ache. Uncle also started coughing. Something's still there.

Bought some black Himalayan salt from the fair. Let's see if we manage to extract ORMUS or something.

Hmm .. a weird leap of mind. Saw an icon of the BlitzOrtung page and suddenly experienced a strong focus on lightning, which was countered by a headache in the right hemisphere. It was a random psi outburst, sharply shielded by the mind.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Fly attraction

Had difficulties finding the feeling of stasis and pk push, pull as well.

Prepared sauna yesterday evening. While at it, me and Kevin's brother found a pillar of smoke. I tried stasis on the clouds of smoke there, which was not very successful. Kevin's brother Kaspar was pulling the clouds of smoke towards him (through my stasis attempt). Then we tried opposing force training. Every now and then, wind would blow in through the tiny window, causing spirals of smoke. We managed to get smoke moving out of the window while wind was blowing in fresh air.

Seriously need to invest more time into meditation and pk practice. Can only maintain focus for about 2 days. And can't even maintain full focus (without any disturbances in the mind) for more than half an hour or so.

Slept another night with a fly squatter. Two hours of squatting and still didn't manage to kill all of them in this small room.

Noticed that the flies seemed to have been crazy about the consciousness, not the body. They flew to where I had focused the consciousness. That is, when I would try to squat them with my right hand, they would fly on the right hand. When I would think about something, they would fly into the hair, eyes or onto the forehead. I suspect that while I was asleep, they probably left the body alone.

For the past couple of days, dreams have been circling around visits to foreign countries due to work. And for some reason, I've always met new people or been with people, who are considered famous by others. Then there's praise, 1st class hotel rooms, fancy restaurants and what not, however, for me there is no such thing as fame .. people are people and that's it.

Two nights ago, there was an interesting moment in one of those dreams. Our group was heading somewhere and somehow I had to split from the others .. needed to have the documents checked or something. The lady was surprised to see that I was from Estonia, then she was surprised to see the list of whom I was travelling with (famous people in her eyes). At first I was nervous about having to find my own way to where we had to be by some time. Then at some moment, I realized that I never was in a hurry. Then I realized I didn't even have to go there. Suddenly felt lucid, free and in peace.

Met Michael Grubb in one of the dreams last night. Remember practising some pk together, though, can't remember what exactly.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Life - concentration training

Remembered that on Saturday or Sunday, I had a dream where I was waiting for someone at a parking lot. Acquired the feeling of a car there and moved it by about 30 cm.

I guess most of our lives are concentration training. It's all about gaining focus, maintaining it and losing focus again. There's all sorts of distractions, all of which really are just flavors of the same thing (something annoying, something pleasurable, something hilarious, etc.) - distraction. Also, all of these source from the mind before manifesting in the physical.

By letting any of these distractions distract me from the inner peace and confidence, I'm acting pretty much like a hooker .. from the perspective of thoughts, ideas and distractions, that is. So, true celibacy is attained when one is free from all distractions (which includes desires). Hmm .. but that's probably true for "enlightenment" as well. Looks as if I would have to bite off too much to pull all this off..? Stop being bitch me.

Sometimes I noticed that other people started feeling clumsy with a lack of self-confidence, while being near self-confident me. On the other hand, when I had my self-confidence dropped, I started feeling off. No longer had enough control over this reality .. all sorts of things happened, which I could've kept off .. which made me feel even worse.

Should care less about what other people think about themselves, what other people think about me or others. I'm different. I'm independent.