Death and life, formation of galaxies

The focus on the constant has had a profound effect. This seems to be somewhat more efficient than what I did years ago.

I felt very different today. A warm day (13 *C). Walked past the channel today. Touched the cold water with my palms. Had an urge to walk the cold grass and puddles barefoot. Did so and enjoyed it a lot .. until it got cold for the feet.

Though, sometimes I felt stressed again today, apparently for no reason.

Continued reading..

"But there is one group of human beings who have been able to face that fear. As opposed to ordinary people, sorcerers eagerly seek out any situation that will take them beyond social interpretations. What better opportunity than their own extinction! Thanks to their frequent excursions into the unknown, they know that death is not natural; it is
magical. Natural things are subject to laws, but death is not. To die is always a personal event, and for that sole reason,' it is an act of power.

~ Armando Torres, Encounters with the Nagual

This made me realize something. Haven't thought about it that way before.

Another one that made me realize something:

Life is formed when a portion of the free energy of infinity - which the old seers called 'the emanations of the Eagle' - is encapsulated by an external force, becoming a new individual being, aware of himself. And they saw that the perception of the world happens when something they called 'the assemblage point of perception' comes into play.

~ Armando Torres, Encounters with the Nagual

Wow .. wouldn't want to quote the whole book here, although it would be worth it. =D

Continuing their observations, they saw that the act of galactic creation happens when the cosmic darkness contracts itself, and from it arises an explosion of light, a spark that expands, giving origin to the order of time and space. The law of this order is that things always have an end, which again implies that the unique and perennial principle of the universe is the dark energy; feminine, creative, and eternal.

~ Armando Torres, Encounters with the Nagual

Wow, this goes very well with Billy Meier's descriptions of how a spaceship enters hyperspace. It also goes very well with Nassim Haramein's lectures on black holes and the way that the universe is growing and shrinking at the same time (nagual to tonal and vice versa?).

Focus on the infinite

Enjoyed a chat with Hyena yesterday evening.

One of the dreams stood out. Me and Hyena were next to the barn at the summerhouse .. meditating on a carpet. At some moment, a person appeared and said he was a Peruvian and had bought some wheat nearby. In any case, he expressed his wish to sit on the carpet with us. It took me some effort to speak, so I tried to speak as little as possible .. just said "Yes" to indicate that I would be glad to share the carpet with him. He asked me to remember and keep my promise. We made room for him. He respected us and we respected him. He looked like an old master from thousands of years ago, which amplified my respect.

Stayed late at work today. Walked to the bus stop in pitch black. I was fascinated.

Picked up an old meditation method that I had occasionally used. Focused on the constant that permeates everything. Visualized it, based on Billy Meier's descriptions of Hyperspace as well as from my own experience with the all-encompassing light. Thanks to this, I started to feel the surroundings better.

Ergo Proxy

Watched Ergo Proxy. I really enjoyed the existentialism, the ideas and thought-experiments. It's a masterpiece.

Hyena shared a few audio-logs of "Armando Torres - Encounters with the Nagual". The pdf is here:
http://thetoltecpath.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/nagual.pdf

Previously I hadn't understood Castaneda much, because his choice of terms seemed .. wrong. However, through Armando Torres, it started making sense to me. It reminds me of my own methods and ideology a few years ago.

Want to do everything and nothing at the same time

Around 5 hours of sleep for 2 consecutive nights.

Visited Aalto in Finland. Strong cold wind and yellow leaves.

Peeked into the mind of a pregnant woman twice. First time she turned around and looked at me, I thought she actually looked somewhere else. The second attempt confirmed that she was aware of my attempts.

Pushed a project hard (for 2 days and nights, I worked on digging out the issues and arguing with people in my mind), because it wasn't moving previously.

Now I feel a desire to do something but nothing seems to be the object of desire. I want something mystical, entertaining but there aren't any video games, anime, books that I want to play / watch / read. I want something spiritual but meditation or concentration practice doesn't feel like it. Psychokinesis seems close but I don't see a reason to practice that, either. It has to be done regularly anyway. I know .. I just want to be, which I don't know how to do. And it doesn't feel quite right, either - because I ate late and that's blocking the flow of psi again. Even though I'm tired, it's too early to go to sleep, too.

Lucid dream: two schools and a hallway

After yet another wet dream I've started to cut my eating habits so that I would digest food before eating again (won't eat until I feel hunger). From large portions 3 times a day I've gone to 2 small portions per day.


Yesterday evening I went to bed early, feeling love radiating from the consciousness. Though, as I laid down in bed, I got the spontaneous fear-visualization of myself being stabbed again. Just let it happen without it damaging any organs, then occasionally played pranks on the knives - visualized them becoming liquid inside the body, visualized them becoming blunt and curvy. At some moment it just disappeared. I wonder what's causing this - an entity of some sort? Anyway, I think it pictures very well the reason why I was born with the fear of sharp corners and edges - might've been stabbed in some past-life?

Had a lucid dream where I visited one university (forgot the name), then made a hallway from there to another. Father came home, went to bed .. invited him into the dream to show him Cambridge (the place that a physics & math genius friend went to). Me and father stepped into a random classroom. Knowing it was just a dream, father wanted to say something. I signalled for him not to, because even though we weren't really interacting with other people there, we caused the minds of the people to wander. Looked around, spotted a small table with a few books on it. One of the books was about the history of science or something. I think father disappeared. I stayed there, scattered throughout the minds of the people. Followed them to a dorm. Most of the people weren't aware of me. One of them was. He gave me chocolate and stayed up late-r than the others. All of them had fallen asleep .. I snuck back to the other side of the hallway between schools, straight into the dorm over there. Somehow I had associated myself with a room there.

The room was white. There was barely anything there .. except for the yellow leaves that had flown in through the open windows. There was a storm outside. I went to the windows and closed them. Got a bit puzzled with the last one - it didn't want to stay shut, so I had to invent something there. The windows were a bit awkward .. they were curved and opened upside-down (when compared to the windows we have at home). Anyway, after closing the windows, I disappeared back to body. As I did so, the voice of a girl from behind me: "No! I want you .." Weird.

The next dream I was flying down the stairs, towards a tunnel of darkness. An old friend was standing in front of the darkness there. I had been visiting that place pretty often, actually, but this time was different. Someone else caught me halfway there and said it was dangerous and that even my friend wasn't there today. Something happened..

Bam .. I'm in one of those boring low-grade dreams. I'm in the body of a creature a bit similar to smeagol. The body could climb well and was pretty fast. I had my place somewhere in the attic of the building, which took some climbing. I was visiting a couple of merchant "mutants" a couple of storeys down. A dangerous monster had gotten loose. The monster could only see distortions of the electromagnetic field. Fled into a small metal storage box (faraday cage) inside the wall and closed it. Broke all the lamps inside. The monster missed me. By the time I came out, the others had gotten rid of the monster and offered some of the loot for me (some sort of leftovers, basically). I happily took the leftovers and climbed back up to my stash.

Fear of semi-subconscious visualzations

The bonfire night was very good. Continued to discuss stuff with father back at home. The main point of the discussion was about some fears that I've been having.

When I hear someone talking about something, I know I'm semi-subconsciously creating a construct / visualization of what they are talking about. However, when people are talking about a virus for example, then I'm afraid of creating the construct .. because it will be dangerous, right? Anyway, so far I have usually destroyed the construct before it has even taken its form. So many stray thoughts have materialized that I try to avoid giving birth to destructive stray thoughts.

With this kind of approach, I wouldn't learn the nature of the virus (the only way would be getting infected with it) .. so it's not healthier or safer to flee from what I could learn from it. Instead, I should study the construct for as long as I need, while observing the weaknesses or placing loopholes into the design, to easily destroy the construct afterwards.

At some moment we realized it was around 3.15 AM already.

Jahara on Mark Mauvais' forum shared a link to a breatharian forum (people who live without eating or drinking): http://forum.breatharian.info/

In one of my dreams, I found a web-page that defined breatharianism and mentioned that one of the prerequisites is the ability to control the thickness and fluidity of psi .. and blood, too. I know I have been having issues with this, because I eat a lot and usually don't drink much.

In the dream, I wondered how one would control it. Found myself in the kitchen, chatting with father again. Noticed a weird reflection of the clock in front of me. Somehow the clock reflection was projected through me so that I saw it in front of me and the effect was dependent on where I was positioned. Anyway, as I looked at the reflection, it transformed into a circular symbol of some sort. Started looking for my camera to take a photo so that I could look up all the details later. Couldn't.

The next moment we're living in an ice castle that's sticking out from a cliff. It's melting because there's water from the top of the cliff coming down a wall. The castle was going to collapse soon if I didn't fix it somehow. I tried to get rid of the water somehow, which made matters even worse and collapsed the whole thing. ":undo" and tried again. Had the "brilliant" idea of putting cement into the water.

Woke up to "facepalm" a few times. Went back to sleep.

Another dream. Woke up at the summerhouse. The place was similar but not exactly the same. The ceiling was way too low for me. While crawling out of the bed, my head pressed strong against the wooden ceiling. Complained. Aunt told "perhaps hitting your head against the ceiling hard enough would help." Me: "Yeah right.." Observed a conflict between two of the kids at the summerhouse.

Another flying dream

A couple of nights ago I had a strange dream. Observed a couple of astronauts training back in 60's or something. Had some serious medical training with them.

Last night I had another flying dream. Found myself floating above the street, a couple of blocks away. I was observing the trees. Noticed that some of the branches were very close to the power lines. As soon as I thought that, the tree branches started quickly growing around the power lines.

Ok, going for a bonfire night with people.

Astral wind

Attempted to release some old shields before I fell asleep.

Had a flying OBE. I don't know the place I was flying around at, but it looked like a park with trees in a row to my right and left. I was floating above the road, moving forward. I had form and didn't have 360 degrees sight. I was flying in a bubble of sorts, with a hooded cape. In the bubble, everything was silent. A little later I decided I can continue without the shield and lowered the hood .. the bubble disappeared and the storm was going through me with loud noise and vibrations (like the typical astral wind). Said: "Awesome!" .. my voice came out as a whisper that was muffled in the noise and vibrations of the environment.

Woke a bit tired. Walked to the school building for a couple of meetings. Walked back and felt quite tired for some reason. Took a nap of 2 hours.

Since now the school building is farther away, it takes about 1.5 hours to walk there. That's a lot of time and I would like to use it for meditation but so far I haven't been able to do that .. need to improve my concentration a lot, in order to meditate while walking through the town.

Captret

Browsed around on JLN Labs page yesterday evening and found ibpointless2's Captret:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQJZs6tlj_Y

I was amazed. Basically the simplest zero-point energy generator is an electrolytic capacitor.

There's a tutorial with schematics on the JLN Labs page (in French):
http://jnaudin.free.fr/captret/index.htm

Blew the thick dust off my mighty breadboard. I didn't have any 9 V batteries laying around, so I took 4 dead AA batteries that totalled up to 2.78 V or so. Took a 22 uF 16 V cap and a 3.3 V LED. Put it together at t0.

Measured the batteries the next morning (t0 + 9 hours) .. still 2.78 V.
Measured the batteries just a few minutes ago (t0 + 20 hours) .. 2.86 V.

Very cool. The LED still isn't lit yet .. but it probably will be. In the meanwhile, bought a couple of the cheapest (lowest mAh) 9 V batteries. Should order some supercaps and try charging these, too.

Workplace - home of dreams?

In Italy, guys in the Estonians group started asking each other about their home of dreams.

These guys dreamt of a villa full of naked girls. One of them also fancied a tower.

Eventually it was my turn. I described some of the details from a visualization that I made perhaps 7 years ago. A three-storeyed building in the forest. It has mechanics and electronics labs on the first floor. There's a tower with a telescope. The living room has walls made of glass. Then there's a dome cinema on top of the building.

• The other guys: "Dude, you're working there!"
• Me: "What? No.. Wait a minute .. you're right."
• The other guys: "One day you'll walk up to the director, open a briefcase full of money and say: 'It's my home now. You can continue your work.' and then walk around like a boss in pijamas or something."

I hadn't realized the similarity before. But indeed, I'm working in an observatory that was renovated a couple of years ago. It's close to the forest, it has a tower, it has three storeys, it has mechanics and electronics labs on the first floor. On the roof, there's a dome .. no cinema, though. Also, the design of the atrium is very very similar to what I had in mind for the living room. The only difference is that in the observatory atrium, there's a satellite model hanging from the roof. In the observatory, the bedroom is on the 3rd floor. In my visualization, it was on the second. In my visualization there was a cellar floor also, with sunlight mirrors at window places - this is also missing at the observatory. Also, the exterior design is pretty much the same - same colors, similar ribs for details.

And several years ago I occasionally made jokes about sleeping at work without going home for the night.

3rd eye heat

Focused on the 3rd eye yesterday evening. Waves of heat were released.

In the dreams I played video games all night. Woke tired.

Today morning it was warm outside and it was foggy.

Also, I have been attracting dogs recently.

Ego was hit

My ego wants to be perfect.

Today an accident happened, so that when I came back to my laptop (still rather new), I noticed that there was a scratch - a few pixels ripped out. I don't know if it was me or my colleague, who was also there. But it doesn't matter .. it was an accident in any case and we both were feeling bad about it.

So, here's the problem. My ego can no longer be perfect because it has a flaw that it can't fix. Moreover, no matter how hard it tries, it can't find the mistake that led to the consequence. It has been perfect and then all of a sudden it is no longer so.

Dream-travelling places

Finished reading this: http://www.firedocs.com/remoteviewing/mars/
Very inspiring description of the Mars civilization.

For the past few nights, I have been travelling places with a guide.

Yester-night in one of the dreams, we walked past a place we had also visited the night before. I recalled how I had hopped on a geyser at the cliff-side, which lifted me almost to the height of the tip of a domed monastery in the city at the distance of I guess a couple of kilometers. It was a great view.

Yesterday night, there was a group of us, who stepped on some sort of a time-travel platform or something. The guide explained the schedule in a very detailed manner, which I more-or-less ignored. We're there .. I walk off and attempt to take photos of the salt castle (looked like salt) that now surrounded us. Took the stairs up to the wall that had small window slits where light shone in. Heard birds chirping outside. Decided to take a photo. Turned around and saw two large medieval-style castle gates. One of the gates was red and the other one .. green I think, or was it blue? Both had some symbols above the gates. Thought I might not have any time left .. looked down and noticed that the platform was no longer there. Walked down .. environment changed (suddenly everything was wooden and bar-like) as I entered the field of the two guys waiting there. They said the rest of the group had gone back early, to catch a plane. I guess I teleported away or something.

Hmm .. strange. Switched the phone at some point. It has been reminding me "Mother-Father" for countless times already. Couldn't delete all the calendar notes, for some reason.

Dark but not gloomy

Slept & meditated for most of Saturday.
Then became bored, installed a game. It didn't run. Spent an hour or two, trying to fix it. Got it to run but with a lot of glitches.
Uninstalled it and slept & meditated even more.

Have been seeing flashes of golden light on top of my head. While in some half-dream state, I once saw very bright white light shining at me. It looked almost like a 3-LED projector or something. Visited some strange places, too.

---

Very vivid dreams. It was night (very dark but not gloomy, somehow) and I found myself on Saaremaa, in the old barn house. At first I was alone in there. Then aunt showed up .. twice. One of her was on top of the old kiln and had the lamp lit .. she was reading a book or something. Heard the other one of her do something behind the rear door (which led to the chickens, into the garage or up to the hay storage). I just was .. occasionally talked to aunt, I guess, or something. An hour or two later I became aware of Pätu (a dog who passed away .. uh .. dunno when, because blog post search ain't working). At first I thought "Wait a minute, she's supposed to be dead, right?" But then I realized that in this non-physical form she wasn't, she never has been. We had just thought we had lost her. Anyway, I couldn't see Pätu but I could sense her energy lingering around near aunt's bed.

After just .. being there in the room for some more time, it was getting brighter outside. Sun was about to rise again. Went outside and noticed that Kevin was there. He had a really weak signature and thought he was dying or something. He couldn't walk or do anything. I didn't have any feelings .. just took his body with me, towards the sauna .. to prepare for the final departure or something. I was almost at the sauna door when someone said: "put some sugar water on top of his head". I started looking for sugar and water but couldn't find any. However, outside near the stable there were pastries (which seemed kind of odd to me). Noticed that I had left the body next to a tiny puddle and it had fallen over so that the top of the head became wet. Also, there were some pieces of pastry in the mud on the ground. A few minutes later, Kevin stood up. Me: "What? Duude.."

---

Right. On Friday I had a dream where I was in Italy, hanging around with some people who will be staying there for internship. Didn't chat with them, I guess because I couldn't interact with them. Lagged behind for taking photos. Sun was incredibly bright and I had no trouble flying around. Somewhere in the dream there was an entrance to the school building. Two stairs up to the second storey, which was for professors and the like. Between the stairs, there was a stairway down to the first storey, which was for students and somesuch. The 2nd storey was broad and very spacey. The 1st storey was too, but only after crawling through a very narrow tunnel. Couldn't enter with luggage. Had to either push luggage first or leave it behind. For the weekend, the higher-ups let us stay on the 2nd storey but I was ashamed of our kind (eastern-europeans) because they drunk a lot, spoke too loud and left litter behind.

This dream highlights the multi-layered nature of reality once again, because all the elements were there during my Italy trip. The narrow tunnel and spacey higher storeys was in San Marino (entrance to the towers).

---

Today I went to Tallinn and back, to help grandpa with his book. Grandma has gone over the limits with her caring about grandchildren.

Anyway, on my way to the bus station, I fancied sitting next to a girl, to have a chat or something. Arrived at the bus station. All tickets to the next 3 or 4 buses were sold out. So, I bought an expensive ticket to the only bus left that had free seats. Waited for the bus.

Btw, every hour there's the Lux Express with power sockets, free WiFi, a tablet per seat for watching movies, listening to music or for playing games for free. Lux Express is cheaper than some other buses that have old worn-out seats, no WiFi, no tablets.

I wasn't too happy about having to wait and not being able to take the cheaper and more fancy bus back home. Although I knew what was going on, I was too picky about it in my opinion. My thoughts materialized in an interesting way. My seat was next to a pretty girl and eventually started a chat. Gained some XP and Wisdom.