Awkward cravings

For years, I had been looking for people who might understand me well enough such that I could talk freely about anything I wanted to. I even tried to make it as easy as I could, by openly talking about aspects which I considered to be different from those of others.

A few days ago I realized how pointless it was, and then a couple of days ago I also realized how it had caused problems. It seems that my attempts to be open have been harmful to people instead of helping anyone understand me any better. Moreover, by blabbing that much all the time, I think I've been wasting a substantial part of my breath / energy.

Thinking back on it now, I'm not sure where this craving for being understood sourced from, or why I thought it mattered to me.

Other than that, there have been some interesting synchronicities recently.

I've practised relaxing the body before sleep, and I've tried to feel more lightweight at times.

In the bathroom at work, one of the cabinets is without a light. I've been using it, for probably nobody else would. I've noticed that I've started to see better in the dark, without it having any side-effects while in full sunlight.

While meditating a bit yesterday, I saw myself in pure white. The white had a spatial distribution to it (it wasn't just a robe).

From a dream today morning, I noticed a curious detail. A group of people were discussing something, and a guy randomly mentioned the frequency of 30 MHz. It then occurred to him that I was eavesdropping, and he tried to clear the history by doing something completely random (he picked a mic and started singing).

Faraday's unipolar generator

During the holidays, I experimented a bit with a variation of the Faraday unipolar generator from another one of Meyl's papers:
http://www.rexresearch.com/meylscalar/FaradayorMaxwell.pdf

Basically, a rotating permanent magnet, with one brush at the axis, and another one at the outer rim of the magnet. I re-used some pieces from a previous generator experiment.

Despite the fact that I tried it at a rather miniature scale (magnets of either 1 cm or 2 cm diameter), I got an output voltage which depended on magnetic field strength and magnet diameter according to Faraday's induction law. I didn't have a load on the output and the signal was rather noisy, though. It was probably that noisy because of misalignment between the motor and magnet axes.

I found it more interesting, though, that as I moved the motor + magnets away from the brushes, the signal remained (with reduced amplitude). The output amplitude displayed dependency on the angle between the axis of the motor + magnets, and that of the brushes.

While K. Meyl and a few others seem to suggest that the Faraday unipolar generator in such a configuration would not produce changes in the magnetic flux, I would guess that it still might. I think that in a permanent magnet, not all the magnetic domains are perfectly aligned, and that one could consider each domain as an individual magnet with its own edge / rim effects. The magnetic domains at a distance from the spin axis, however, would indeed have translatory motion and could potentially cause a change in the magnetic flux. But then again, the change would probably not be very large, and would average out.

Disregarding magnetic flux, there's also Lorentz force on electrons which would be on translational motion due to the magnet spinning. How this would be interpreted from the perspective of Meyl's vortex physics, I don't know. Would need to play more with vortex physics.

An interesting experiment, also showing a difference between the magnetic field at the middle vs. around the rim of a magnet:

The same dude also experimented with a gyroscope:

By the "Tesla motor," he probably meant the classical Faraday unipolar generator in which a copper disk is spinning in a static magnetic field (clicky).

Meyl

At a webinar at work, we were shown this video:

I found it inspiring, but not for teamwork nor physics. I started to wonder whether this applied to psychokinesis and if it did, then how.

Yesterday it occurred to me that the dark veil also seems to be sticky, perhaps just in a slightly different way. Anyway, from that it seems that the veils are not opposites nor are they fundamental.

For a while I've also been pondering about scalar waves and vortices. Since I found one of Meyl's papers (clicky) to be rather inspiring (though, disappointingly short), I looked for more. Ordered some of his books and then stumbled upon his paper "About Vortex Physics and Vortex Losses". Already halfway through, I've found it quite awesome. A lot of strange phenomena suddenly makes more sense. While it's really simple, it would've probably taken me ages to connect the dots.

Strange bunch

It's really hot today.

During the past couple of days, I've been wondering about my desire to fit in, to belong somewhere, or to find someone to chat about things. I think I've come to realize how pointless it is.

One of the main reasons for several of my problems and desires have been my attempts to prove someone wrong by experiencing it on myself. First of all, me experiencing it on my own doesn't help to prove others wrong. For that, they'd need to experience it themselves. While it might help to prove to myself that I was right after all, I don't think it would make sense to test everything like that. After all, each such experience usually takes me a few years to play out. And when in the end I do realize that I had still been right, then I wouldn't even have learned anything. I think it does temporarily help me feel similar to other people, and make it easier to "fit in" for that short period of time. However, this method on its own is very ineffective for learning purposes.

During the past couple of days, it seems as if there has been something coming out from the lungs, because of which I've had to clear my throat every now and then.

Recently I've had a couple of dreams (or scenes within dreams) which stood out.

Dream: Gore

Saw a baby who had been shot and stabbed. The body was a mess but they were still alive (barely breathing). The body was so messed up that the bullet almost fell out on its own.

According to a dream symbols dictionary, this might indicate that I'm letting go of something which used to be a part of me.

Dream: Strange bunch

Found myself in a different realm with a group of other people (4 or 5 of us, I think). We met a group of guys in brown hooded robes (4 or 5 of them, I think). The hooded group invited us into a large conical terraced structure of some sort, which had been built into stone. The main corridor / stairway seemed to be spiraling. Along the sides of the corridor, there were a lot of equally spaced (brown, wooden?) doors.

They gave us a tour of the place, and described what they were about. During the tour, they showed their garden which was full of some strange kind of flowers. I think they mentioned something about apprentices picking these for transmuting them into gold or somesuch. Anyway, it seemed that their daily regime was quite tough in terms of training, which also explained why they were that good in wizardry.

I think the hooded guys were wizards of some sort, and they were looking for a shaman apprentice or something. At some point, they singled out one of our group and asked if he wanted to join them. I was relieved that it wasn't me, for I had a lot of responsibilities in other realms already. I had somehow managed to steer clear and get ahead of them.

I think they entered a room, leaving me behind so that I could roam around freely. I knew that the doors were not actually doors. Instead, they were dangling portals of sorts (not tied to any specific door on the other side). So, I think one could pick any door, and still end up where they wanted to go. I continued walking the corridor, until I ended up in a dead-end with a door in front of me. All the other doors had been on the sides.

Intending to go outside, I stepped through the door. Sunlight and fresh air, green grass, trees and a stream / river. I was back in a familiar realm (looked like Earth again). It was a familiar but I'm not sure if I had been there before.

Deep sleep

Some days ago, a strand of cat hair flew past me, illuminated in sunlight. It seemed that it was about to descend. I played with it a little, moving it up and then horizontally onto the window sill. It seemed quite responsive.

Someone on Discord had revised their sleeping schedule, and advised me to do that as well.

Today afternoon I tried to hit deep sleep, by focusing on hypnagogic imagery and then on what caused the imagery and so on. I could also hear (and feel) the cat breathing deeply; the cat was also asleep, and I figured that it wouldn't come to bother me. Eventually I lost a sense of reality and forgot everything. Had a really refreshing sleep, which concluded in dreams with somewhat familiar symbolism.

Dream: Alternative office space

In Real Life (IRL) we just moved into a new office recently. In the dream, I went to visit an alternative place. I met up with someone there, and said that "while we've already moved into another place, I'd still like to take a look around." They didn't mind, and were glad to show me around.

We looked around. In some places, there were a lot of boxes, for the previous occupants were still in the process of moving out. It took some effort to climb over the boxes without stepping on any.

At some point, I found some kind of a device laying around (not in any of the boxes). I played with it a little, until I realized that it was dangerous. I think it might've been a lighter of some sort, and it became more and more hot each time I activated it (I had thought it was empty of fuel, but I felt that I was mistaken).

IRL I stopped the streak of celibacy. I think it was about 3.5 months or so. I suspect that the dream might've been related.

Dream: Boat trip

Me and some other people were having a boat trip. We reached a beach and decided to land. I stepped out, and started towing the boat. The slope became more and more challenging. However, somehow I didn't feel the weight of the boat at all (even though it was full of people).

I think sister had laid logs, to make it easier to tow the boat. I tried to follow the path of logs, even though it didn't seem to make a difference. At about halfway to the top, I stopped to ask others if they would like the boat to be hoisted up all the way to the top or if they also considered leaving the boat there to be safe enough. Other people had parked their boats there. If I had pulled the boat up all the way to the top, then I thought it would've become more dangerous to let it back into the water, considering the steep slope.

Keys

I've been feeling a bit tired recently, which might've brought a couple of interesting situations.

On the weekend, I was "busy as a bee," working on some code for work.

Sleepy bee

I think it was at noon on Saturday that I found the cat playing with something on the curtains, in the kitchen. I approached with my blurry left eye, and recognized that it was a bee. Opened the window, and poked at the bee, hoping that it would spread its wings and catch the wind. It didn't. It seemed sleepy.

I tried pouring a bit of water onto the curtains, for I thought it might've been dehydrated. That also didn't help. So, I just closed the window with that part of the curtains left in the wind, outside the window.

Upon a recurring inspection of the curtains, I failed to find a bee on it. I concluded that the bee must have flown away.

Thesis opponent?

While walking the cat yesterday evening, a former colleague reminded me that there are thesis defences the next day. I remembered that I had agreed to be an opponent for one of the students. ".. well, at least there's a whole night to work through the thesis ..," I thought.

Luckily, I found that I was not the opponent, and that the student's supervisor's recommendation (me) was rejected. The supervisor had simply forgotten to inform me that I couldn't be the opponent because he had supervised my bachelor thesis.

All in all, there were no issues. Simply both parties simultaneously forgot about it.

Sneaky keys

Sometimes I guess I do things which are beyond my comprehension.

I closed the office and started walking home. While on the way, I suddenly noticed that I had some kind of keys in my pocket. Sure, I had put my keys into that pocket several times today, but I thought I took them out and stored them in the bag (to avoid the keys wearing out the jeans for me).

I took the keys out of the pocket ... but ... they weren't mine. So, I checked the keys in the bag ... those were mine, at least. I was really confused because I couldn't recall having seen the foreign keys which had just now emerged from my pocket. Perhaps I might have taken the keys from the table, mistaking them for mine?

Anyway, a colleague called later, and he was glad to hear that I had taken his keys for him. Somehow he had forgotten them, and it would've been more tedious to get them from the office because his office keys were sharing the keyring with his other keys.

Synchronicities

Just as I started to type in my phone number into a web form, the phone rang.

Just when person A mentioned person B in DM on Discord, person B started chatting, as well.

Anyway, I shrunk my list of responsibilities on Discord, to make way for the heavy work which has been coming. Most of the weekend I also spent on writing code for the deadline tomorrow. That's only the start, though. I think June will be tough .. also because there's a vacation in July and things need to get done beforehand.

While I could say that I've been procrastinating, it might be incorrect. This is because if I had put more effort into it earlier, then I would have ended up with a sub-optimal solution, because some of the necessary input appeared on Tuesday, and some only on Friday.

Nice, will work from the new office starting from tomorrow. For me it doesn't matter that there's only a single chair at the office.

Runny nose

Missed it from the previous post, but it was somewhat windy at the sea. Due to the chilly wind, I got a runny nose in the evening. It suddenly became so bad that I sneezed and water started pouring from everywhere (eyes and nose). Head also felt as if it had sustained some damage.

Instead of going to the tent for sleep, I decided to still chat some more with colleagues. Focused on a visualization of healing the head, and a few seconds later I felt completely fine again.

During the past 3 weeks, it has happened twice that someone has pinpointed a good spot on my ego, causing it to feel offended. Both times it has had a tremendous effect in helping to see things from a broader perspective. I really enjoy it when that happens.

Synchronicities

Other than that, there have been some synchronicities recently. Mildly counter-productive, usually. Yesterday evening I wanted to pay the bills but the payment kept failing. Today I managed to pay the bills from an older version of Firefox.

Finished one iteration at a file format converter for an online machine learning annotation tool. The online service was down.

There have also been phone calls or chats popping up at busy times.

Oh, actually, some synchronicities have been very productive, too. For instance, at a webinar the tutor mentioned the machine learning annotation tool. I had already planned to start writing my own, so it saved a couple of weeks of work, exactly at the last moment.

Similarly, as I was about to start implementing raster vectorization myself, a colleague pointed out a function in a library which does exactly that, exactly the way I need it (and apparently seems to be using a very similar algorithm, too). Again, this saved a couple of days of work, exactly at the last moment.

Unidirectional gate

The second half of the past week me and colleagues spent on a yacht trip to a small island. As it turned out, we were the first to visit Abruka this year. It was my first yacht trip and while it was short, it was an awesome experience.

Since then, I've occasionally felt a bit floaty. While eating lunch yesterday, I found the plastic bag around whole wheat bread to be somewhat responsive. Tried swaying it a little, while eating.

A couple of days ago, there was drama on the Discord server again. Since then, I've been having the eye problem again (waking up at night, having to sit and wait for a couple of hours to let the pain subside, in order to get some sleep).

Abruka

The island felt .. different. The woods felt like an indigenous heaven for witches. It seemed a bit surreal and cut off from the rest of the country.

Most of the island was a nature reserve with old trees.

Most of us spent the night in tents in the bushes at the seaside. It was slightly windy, thanks to which there was no morning dew (and it didn't become cold at night).

Dream: Gate

I was walking somewhere in the woods with someone. I can't recall where we came from, but we had to get back to some place by some time. Once we did, it turned out that there was an interdimensional gate / portal which was active at that specific time. We did not know that, but I don't think it mattered anyway. I found the synchronicity / timing to be really interesting. The gate worked differently for each of us - I think we ended up in different dimensions or something, for the other person vanished.

Based on the quick glimpse of the gate, I think it looked as if made of bronze, with some kind of an insignia in the middle.

Dream: Confetti pavement

Not sure if this even qualifies as a dream. Perhaps it was more of a hypnagogic image or something of the sort.

Anyway, there was an unexpected technological breakthrough which improved the friction of pavement. The material seemed a bit similar to rubber, but also quite different in some strange way, and definitely a lot more durable. However, roads of this material looked like made of confetti (which I found a bit awkward).