Uneven flames

For some reason I had not been able to sleep much since last weekend, so I fell sick on Wednesday. Had a slight fever and kept visiting the toilet, which had become painful. Luckily, the fever only lasted for a day. On the next day I was already feeling good enough to take a walk to the tent of covid tests (just in case), which was about 6 km from home.

Anyway, today morning I had a dream with somewhat distressing symbolism.

Dream: Uneven flames

I was warming or cooking food on the gas stove, when suddenly the flames went out. I quickly picked a lighter and restarted the fire. I found it strange that the lighter kept having a small flame at the end, and the flames stuck to the bottom surface of the pot like napalm.

Ok, with the flame in control again (the intensity even responded to turning the knob, which usually has not worked in such dreams), I decided to check how the food was doing. I tried if the pot was too hot, which was not the case, and lifted it with bare hands.

Strangely, though, it was just a bunch of different components, each packaged separately in plastic. Well, whatever, I started checking the components. Some of them had nearly become burned while some other components were not even warm yet.

Just in case: In real life it's safer to turn off the gas, wait for a while for the non-burned gas to dissipate, and then restart the fire. Otherwise the gas might explode and cause nearby flammable objects to catch fire.

 

Morning

Somehow today I see my problems and choices from a broader perspective. I think I need to adjust again, in order to skip what I would consider to be a dead-end. For quite a while I've been living to please others, while trying my best to patiently wait for the chance to do what I've always wanted to do. However, since it doesn't really matter to people, I think there's not going to be such a chance unless I make one myself. Based on what a lot of people are already experimenting with, it's probably the right time.

Motivation & enthusiasm

For some reason I used to think that enthusiasm was something one was born with, and that it would wear out over time.

Recently it has started to seem that both enthusiasm and motivation can be practised. That they're skills which can be honed like any other.

Stage curtains

While a few years old, I remember being fascinated by stage curtains. It felt as if they isolated the space, making it really difficult for my physical senses to tell my location. I could still imagine what it was like outside, but while surrounded by these, I could imagine I was somewhere else .. and it felt so real.

Last night it occurred to me that this could perhaps be used for teleportation practice. With the physical senses offering no help in telling my whereabouts, it should be easier to visualize that I'm somewhere else.

Could set up identical small rooms in two different places. Then step into one of these and imagine being in the other one. Ok, maybe there would have to be a small sign which indicates which room it is, so that I wouldn't have to exit the room to check each time.

Heat and Glitches

Lost a bunch of energy in a dream a couple of nights ago. I've been feeling nervous for the past couple of days for some reason. Today I felt the heat reach the back of the eyeballs.

I'm used to the snapping and cracking sounds around me. However, a couple of nights ago when the cat slept on me, he startled each time something like this happened.

In the recent weeks, it has happened a couple of times that the UPS-es started beeping at night. I think it was on Monday that one of the UPS-es powered itself off after this happened. I probably ought to replace its batteries but I haven't seen it power itself off before. The previous time there was a brief power outage (during Christmas), it just caused all the equipment to reboot (and my home network to obtain a new IP address).