Cleaning, healing

For the past month or so, I've been feeling more life in me. It seems as if the goal for 2020 (to regain health) is progressing. Occasionally I've even felt enthusiasm or willingness to do things like cleaning the apartment. With all these years I had forgotten how just how great it felt. The ability to forgive myself and to "love myself" has also been resurfacing recently. I think without it there cannot really be much of a healing.

Visited a doctor again with the eye, coughing and lack of vitamin D problems. For recovery I had specifically been taking less vitamin D than what one of the doctors had suggested. My vitamin D level had recovered very well and was back to normal. Regarding coughing, the doctor didn't see anything wrong .. so it's probably more due to the air quality in my room and less due to a flu or something. My eye was also more-or-less fine again by the time I visited the doctor. They said that an injury like that would often take more than a year to fully heal.

Had been feeling more-or-less back to normal, until my coughing became worse a few days ago. Have been lacking sleep because of this. On the mattress (which is not that old yet and I just vacuumed it), I more-or-less only suffocate (both nostrils close up and start to cough bad). Even sleeping on the floor doesn't seem to help much.

Managed to have a dream.

Dream: Cooking

I arrived at a social event of some sort, unknown place. As usual, I was early. Uninstalled boots, looked for an empty spot to hide them and walked through the corridor. Turned into the kitchen (to my right) where I found one of my aunts cooking something for the event.

She typically doesn't cook complex meals, but this time it looked rather complex. I took the chance to discuss something with her, but I somewhat failed at multitasking. I wanted to help with the cooking but messed it up by pouring the rest of the oil onto the flour. While it was indeed meant that oil would be added there, aunt asked if I had poured it on cold (probably mixed with a little bit of salty water or something) or flour.

Of course I didn't. I wouldn't have even thought that would matter. In order to remember this seemingly unintuitive detail, I started to wonder if there was some physics involved which would explain the rationale. Aunt just said "because fried onions would also go in there," which did not seem to resolve the confusion.

Judging by the complexity, it seemed as if aunt were cooking ramen or something, with custom dough. I don't think my aunts have ever made that kind of food. In any case, aunt as well as everything surrounding her was really vivid and I considered her concentration skill impressive.

Sister was also there but only half-way in the dream. I wondered if maybe I could help her but she was just taking something from the cupboard when a bunch of chopsticks fell to the floor. Woke up.

Took some tea and wrote it down. Since it's a bit later now, will retry sleep.