Distractions

During the first couple of days on the vacation, I felt pretty energized. Still inspired by the Superman project, I was impressed by the agility and accuracy of my body movements. Sensed every little detail and event in the surroundings. Skin was suddenly way stronger than usually (no gloves for transporting rocks, tree branches, thorny bushes or fastening screws from between fingers).

At night, I kept building on it. I remember that somehow, sister helped.

A few days into vacation, I started feeling more tired, both physically and mentally. Slept a lot (after a few days with pretty much no sleep at all). At the same time, weather became rainy (it had become quite a draught already). Also, flies started attacking me since then. Moreover, since then I've noticed disturbances of psi in the lower chakras.

Last night I noticed the first anti-celibacy dream again. Usually involves me doing research on something interesting and becoming distracted by some ad that pops up somewhere on the screen. Woke back to sleep and had a vivid dream. It started with a list of key people (name, age, career, personality, hobbies, etc.), none of whom I've seen or met anywhere before. Knowing the people, I then witnessed the situation unfold. There was a girl with her boyfriend. She didn't like her boyfriend, although she had nothing against him. Her boyfriend left for a moment. A slightly older man (handsome, more romantic, a bit famous) recognized the situation and came to chat with the girl. He "stole" her heart in a rude way, but the girl enjoyed it. Next morning, the girl's ex-boyfriend took a bat and went to threaten the older man. Woke up, since I found the whole thing a bit too predictable and boring.

While writing this, I realized the reality and those 2 dreams were pretty much the same. Only that the second dream covered a lot of different perspectives at once.

Floaty

Today morning I noticed that the enthusiasm and excitement about project superman had subsided. As well as all the belief in being able to change myself and my reality. Familiar. A few years ago it took me a year worth of effort to break through this self-conditioning of the mind. That's why I love being inspired .. it guides me through.

Felt pretty floaty today evening. Felt the floor, the walls and doors of the corridor and kitchen wave in sync with my mind. Not the first time, but I love the feeling. Realized it was partially thanks to me radiating hot psi to the surrounding environment.

Glanced at the fluorescent lamp behind me. Acquired its feeling and tried to pulse it once. Not sure if it did, but I did see a light flicker on the walls.

Hmm .. while reading about the reptilians and how Andy explained the perspective of humans .. had my left arm about 20 cm away from the chest. The region of the arm closest to the chest started feeling really hot, 70+*C.

Today I found an alive worm in the soup. Probably came out of a mini-cabbage that had been deep-frozen, then boiled for more than 30 minutes. From -15 .. +100 *C in 30 minutes, and unharmed .. nature is amazing.

It's so awesome

The story of Project superman is so intriguing.

Every time I read it, I become absorbed in it. It resonates with me. It connects a lot of pieces of the great puzzle of what's going on and how everything works. It confirms several of the theories I've read on the net. It confirms my own experience.

The "hero" of the story has used so many similar constructs, he has figured out a lot of ingenious ways to improve these. Inspiring .. amazing ..

Though, it seems that most people don't find the story amazing at all.
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Found myself in a dream last night. The moment of realization happened when I glanced at my body. I was wearing that white shirt, but the whole presence was bright shining white. I was levitating and shining on a group of people so that I could've blinded myself just by looking at me.

Since I started reading about the superman project, I've been healing myself a lot, as well as building a foundation for self-mastery. Had long forgotten all the effort I had put into this several years ago. Then read about the same methods and similar constructs from the story.

Yesterday I saw two bright white orbs lift off of dad's head when we were about to watch Naruto Shippuuden.

Started feeling tired. Took a nap. A bunch of thunder clouds swam over. Shooed them away. Popped up at some random places, one of which I remember pretty vivid.

Cheap bluish gray chairs, as if in an eco-class train compartment or at a cheap diner place or something. It looked dark outside. The room was well-lit. There's two girls. One at a table to the left behind me (black hair), one on the other end of a small table in front of me (slim blonde). I guess there was someone to my right as well, or perhaps it's just that I had entered the body from its right. I remember thinking that these girls are pretty. Looked at the one in front. She turned her eyes from the window towards me. Staring at her, I realized she's not human. Her head was slightly out of proportions, a bit small for a normal human. Her eyes looked a bit weird .. the iris looked a bit reptile-ish. At first I thought it was cute, but then gradually I witnessed the thought/overlay of prettiness fade away. Hadn't seen neither of them before.

Project superman

This is pretty amazing:
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/sociopolitica/esp_sociopol_superman.htm

Thank you for finding this, dad!

Lots of geisting

Remember a dream, where I observed a magician do their escape trick. It was some sort of a black plastic wrapping that seemed to have been covered in something poisonous. The magician entered the wrapping. There was a small transparent straw at the top, to provide some air. I was not impressed by the trick.

Woke up tired .. several days of just 6 hours of sleep.

Realized that for energy density, there's a maximum and I usually oversleep that .. having the body drained again. Just like sleeping in a pyramid works.  A physicist friend is building pyramids and at least that's how he described it.

Scientific articles .. they're such an inefficient way of spreading knowledge and experience. Takes so much time to write, review and in the end it's still merely scratching the surface (eventually everything gets out of the scope of the article).

A lot of strange geisting today. First, touchpad started behaving weird, which is pretty common (happens once a month). Plugged a mouse. An hour later, screen backlight goes off and doesn't light up anymore. Hard-reset. Kernel panic. Hard-reset. Back to normal (with a fallback graphics card config).

Aunt called. Answered, holding the mobile phone to my right ear. She couldn't hear nothing, and kept asking what was wrong with my voice. Thought the mic was broken or something. Took the phone into the other hand (held it to my left ear) and she could hear me perfectly.

While walking home, focused on energy stuff and levitation .. a young boy drove past me with his bicycle. He drove straight and then suddenly at the middle of an asphalt road, the bicycle slipped to the ground, as if he were driving on ice at slow speed. As he fell, his helmet flew off, rear light fell into pieces. I do hope he didn't hit his head. Can't recall if he did or not. He looked more or less okay .. had just hit his right knee. Heard people near me say something about him doing tricks  - no, he did not and I saw that. He drove completely normally, until the bicycle just lost its ground.

Actually, before going home, I happened to glance at my reflection on a van. Saw a martial arts teacher and felt the energy density and attitude of the teacher. Perhaps triggered by a white shirt with a circular logo.

Earth half-naked

This particular bed feels so much different. After all these years, it's still almost as if sleeping in a fountain of energy.

Woke up tired. Went to work and some time after lunch (and some semi-conscious weather manipulation), something happened that ignited the central flame again. A cloud of heat arose around the body again. Started feeling calm and at times, a bit floaty. Pk felt a lot easier.

The sky cleared up. Father came home as well, from Germany. Now hot again in Estonia. While away from home, half of Earth had a clear sky (except for our home country and its neighbours).

While driving home in a bus last night, I saw a couple of red orbs fall. One of them looked like meteoroid with a red tail. Another one just flashed once and disappeared. Not sure, but these might've been in the aura of my colleague, who was sitting next to the window.

Back

Spent almost a week in Guildford. Warm weather followed us there. It got cold and rainy in Estonia and Latvia as soon as we left.

Haven't been feeling too enthusiastic about life for the last couple of weeks. Life seems boring, people seem so predictable and boring. It seems that there's so much more important to do out there (someplace I can't visit with this body anyway). And I'm just playing with barbies down here or something.

While on the plane, I noticed a heartache. Still decided to continue living, just for no reason. Bought some peanuts and asked a colleague for some water as well. Got the necessary minerals and water. Had probably become dehydrated and had run out of minerals as well.

Couldn't sleep the first night. Didn't feel being accepted there at first. After visiting a lot of places, talking to a lot of people in the half-dream state, I got some sleep the second night and felt normal after that. Some minor pk, OBE and geisting there.

For most of the time, I was pretty tensed up. I mean, I go there for a presentation and find people thinking: "Oh he's got the nerve to come here and present a project that has been trying to sneak past the rules. Shame on him."

Here's the situation from since I first joined the project. I propose for the project to be public and open-source. Nobody in the project wants to do that. Propose it again later .. still the same reaction. Then I cause a situation, which brings that subject up for discussion again. A couple of guys understood me and pointed out that we need to do that because of some agreements we have signed. Then I'm sent off for a presentation somewhere and I get scolded because our project is not the way I want it to be. Right, it is my fault, because I haven't succeeded in convincing the rest of the team yet. Thought this battle was over, because I had given up. But no, people are upset at me because of waving the white flag and not fighting.

Both of them are right, but I'm not a warrior nor a messenger to be dealing with these kind of things. Sigh.. I often feel as if I've long outlived my mission in this life. Got it done while in the army. Still don't know what it was, but the sensation of achievement was just amazing back then.

Back from Britain. Met amazing people there .. work-related.

A lot of non-mainstream ideas on stuff. A few conspiracy theories confirmed from another angle. Inspiration for pk practice.

An interesting observation. My mind was really troubled all the time. However, each time I would focus on a problem for longer than 0.1 seconds, the problem would be revealed as a phony. In both my mind and those of others'. So, there actually were no problems, never have been. Just an illusion. Though, still need to play the role, I guess.

Met someone in one of the dreams. He was a foreigner. He tried to be humble, as he approached me with a problem. As opposed to all other people in the dream, he was amazingly vivid and detailed. Can't remember what it was about, just remembered his face.

Also, further confirmation that celibacy itself is not enough for celibacy. Just a change in sleeping pose and it's leaking completely on its own. Unless there's really high tension everywhere in the body. Happened twice, while I was relaxed and not sleeping straight (which is not always the most comfortable way to sleep).

Man of Steel

Watched "Man of Steel" today with sister.

Really amazing and inspiring. A lot better than I would've imagined.

Gotta go to bed.

Walking toolbox

Woke up today morning and something was suddenly different. Can't remember what I did in the dreams.

Re-experienced the elegance and cool of considering the body and ego-mind as tools for doing stuff in this material world. Well, not quite .. difficult to express .. again The Secret of Kells conveys the feeling pretty well. Walked to a rendezvous point for work, without thoughts for about half the distance. Experienced the world from dozens of familiar, yet new viewpoints.

The same for some distance back home.

Some karma ripening?

Really enjoyed yesterday's walk towards the sunset while it was raining cats and dogs. Made me feel real happy and at peace.

Random dreams, which I forgot again. Woke up tired.

Focused on the crown, to feel more fresh. It helped a lot.

Yet another hectic workday without actually having the time to do what I consider important (but too lazy to do).

Started experiencing a pk hangover. It's been a while since I've taken pk as seriously as I did a couple of days ago .. on those doors.

Encountered several angry and violent people on the streets today. Probably some karma is ripening for me again. Sigh.

Eh, a random post

Awesome..

A mind weak in concentration, is like a new snowfall that doesn't stick. Though, if you persist, the snow will eventually begin to stick & accumulate. If you persist further than that, you may look up one day & find yourself in the midst of a blizzard, with hard sheets of ice everywhere you step. You may even find yourself in need of a big truck to plow all that accumulation.
Matter is like that...accumulated attention. What are you concentrating on; what are you accumulating:)

~ Owltwelve

Inspired by all those Michael Grubb psychokinesis videos, started walking through the rooms and attempting to open or close the doors with pk. Perhaps a few twitches, but no larger movement yet. However, got floaty pretty quickly. Moments of feeling weightless as well as the feeling of "reality disintegrating". Shaped the curtains a bit, too.

Finished Mirror's Edge and Antichamber. The latter one is really good at making people think outside the box, since conventional logic does not apply. It's pretty amazing how the ideas come and riddles become solved. And I really enjoy those wall-tips as well, generic and aimed at life, not the game itself.

Dream: flood

Remembered 2 last dreams.


Smelled something burning. Sun was shining into face. Turned around and back to sleep.

Became aware of my body in a dream. The room layout was different (like before switching rooms with sister). Sister was organizing something and had some daily meeting with friends while I was still sleeping. Had been listening and woke up to say something, but by then, the meeting was already over. I'm like: "Wait, what? You were all here just a couple of seconds ago, still discussing things. How come there's nobody even here anymore?" Walked through the rooms .. there really was nobody there. At the meeting, sister had raised a problem of needing somebody to clean the rooms or something, while we're away for a long time. Sister asked me to find more people to sign the meeting paper (there were only about 10 or less people at the meeting). I was rather skeptical about it. Couldn't remember any friends, who would actually do that.

Anyway, that's that. I knew I would have to leave soon. Looked out of the window to check for the weather. WTF? All the streets were flooded to the height of 1.5 or 2 floors. Sister was aware of that, but to her it wasn't important. Oh well, went out, exploring .. through a concrete wall, wooden blockades and some other stuff (all of these disappeared simply when I touched them). The dream environment was changing often and no longer made sense. The flood decreased. Found more people sitting on a hill, watching the flood. There was an old bridge at the back. Climbed on there to get a better view of the city. The flood was no more. Apparently, the buildings had been lifted somehow, to reduce the effect of the flood. Some of them had become tilted .. scrap electronics and concrete rubble had come out from under the water. Asphalt was gone, now there was just dirt.

Next dream. Teleported to grandpa's place in the capital city. Both of them were in the living room, which looked even more awesome than before. They showed me their new ceiling lamp they had just recently installed as well as some other stuff. Told them about the flood. Grandpa told me about another disaster in the capital city. A circular area of buildings had been wiped out somewhere. Didn't know about this. Noticed the feeling of a ball in my right hand.

Appeared back into my bedroom .. just laying there. The feeling of a ball in the right hand was still there. Added some more oomph, made it thicker. It seemed to be of rubber, so thick and dense that it took a considerable amount of effort to deform it. Accidentally dropped it .. fell through the physical right hand (couldn't feel a thing there) and onto the mattress. Sensed the vibrations that moved throughout the whole mattress as the ball hit it. Without moving the head or leaning up, I reached for the ball with my right hand and picked it up again from inside the physical right hand. Somehow the right hand knew exactly where it had fallen, without the need to see the ball. Moved the ball up, some distance from the face. Pushed hard, trying to deform it temporarily. At some moment I started seeing the ball .. it was blue, just like those little orbish flashes I've seen here and there. Flowers were at the background, remembered that I had forgotten to water for some time by now. Stood up and put the ball on top of the shelf and went back into the body to wake up and water the flowers.

Seagull, swimming, etc.

Heard a seagull mimick the sound of a toddler crying yesterday. The same seagull?

I think it was also yesterday that I had gone to the kitchen for a drink. ... a white feather floats past ... and sticks to the bottle of mineral water. The window was merely cracked open, curtains deployed, with the chances of a feather finding its way in being somewhat slim. A seagull feather.

Yesterday I observed me, then observed the observer observing me and so on..
Eventually felt nicely calm and at peace.

Went to bed last night .. teleported for a swim somewhere. Out of body, most likely.? It was amazingly vivid and real .. interaction between the body (a construct?) and water.

Yesterday I also scanned an area in the chest, just below the throat. This area is responsible for causing addiction to drinking cold mineral water, kefir, yoghurt, eating ice cream, etc.

Father once expressed it very well: "We're fed with stuff that's not what we need, but close enough for us to become addicted, without realizing that it's not what we're after."

So, while focused on that area, I tried to find what was that it really needed. Found it wasn't material at all. It wasn't cold, it wasn't liquid .. rational mind couldn't grasp it. If I would manage to self-generate this thing in that area, then I might just find that I no longer need to drink nor eat.

Felt rather tensed up again. In a sense, this tension yields a compression of time as well as a greater productivity. Visited the shop today evening. On my way there, I sensed an incredibly strong connection with everything. Dense field of consciousness in the trees, buildings, etc. A lot of people staring at me.

I, me and myself

Took a nap. The mind was chatting a lot, until suddenly a short pulse of pain appeared in the "throat" of the mind. From that moment onwards, the mind was
silent.

Today I realized that if I were someone else, then I would find this me interesting enough to enjoy and spend time with .. meditating. This seriously cheered me up from the inside.

Interesting .. sloshed psi around in the head and left hemisphere + left ear often released pain, whereas the right one did not.

Seagull alarm?

Just sat in a full-lotus pose and thought about stuff. Noticed that just sitting already cleared 1 layer of mind, just sitting in full-lotus pose cleared 2.

Sitting there for about 40 minutes was enough to lift a bunch of heavy warm psi up the body. Soothing.. No need to force the intensity of psi flow to do that.

It was nicely .. no, a little bit too soothing to sleep after that sitting.

Woke up on the sound of a cellphone alarm. No, it was a seagull, who had mimicked the alarm. What the seagulls..?

A rather empty but happy day. Good timing with intuition.

I've grown fond of that Tibetan singing bowl. Gets me feel dizzy and floaty real quick.

Oh well..

During today's weekly meeting, saw a bright white orb fly from my right to my left (most of the people were sitting towards my left).

Noticed that the orb looked brighter in the field of view of the right eye. In the field of view of the left one, it looked a bit more pale.

Then again, at first I thought it was an eye-effect or something, but when I saw it continue its trajectory with the other eye, then that got debunked. Didn't move the eyes from the laptop screen.

During lunch, I sensed intensity building up and becoming directed at a colleague, with whom we were in a heated discussion. This was unintentional and a little bit surprising. I hope that didn't cause any problems. Sorry, mate.

While going home, I started experiencing sharp pain on the left eyeball. The more energy I directed there, the more it hurt. Slept for a couple of hours at home, which felt pretty good. A pretty random call woke me up. Something about helping to transport windows.

Wordplay

Was reading the comments on Paranatural chapter 4 page 20. Found "Skeleton" mention his lucid dreams and OBE. Found his comic to be pretty funny and weird.

Intensity

Since the last post, I've been cranking up the intensity. Feeling great so far .. better than before, actually. It seems the intense flow of psi greatly helps the metabolism.

As I increased the intensity, I noticed that the frequency of the body also increased. Cranked it all up until the pulsation became so frequent that I could only sense it as a single continuous buzz.

Had a bazillion dreams or something.

Today I decreased the intensity while near other people or animals (dogs started barking).

Felt tired in the evening. Cranked up the intensity again. Thought I should attempt white skeleton meditation again. Started from the toes again, but it didn't feel right (no feedback there). Felt like I should start roughly from that place where I left off the last time. A lot of heat was produced. Realized that the right hand had accidentally gotten into a position, where the index finger touched the back at the spine, exactly at the spot where I had stopped the meditation last time. Somehow the finger focused more energy into that spot, amplifying the heat even further .. with the heat rising into the hands, some of it was fed back through the index finger. The same thing with almost each of the bones in the spine. I guess I found acupuncture or something.

There was a darker spot in the chest somewhere (right to the heart). When I focused on that with all the heat going around, it started spreading pain through the psi channels. The shoulder, right arm was pulsating in this tingling pain. The pain subsided after a few seconds. Started to wonder if there's 2 hearts, only one of which is fully materialized. It would make sense to have symmetry or balance.

I've forgotten to post this, but a few nights ago when I attempted white skeleton meditation again, I noticed the sound of a strange seagull. Well, it sounded strange .. because it almost seemed as if it were yelling "tummo, tummo".

Parfume

Have been sleeping a lot, and taking it easy for the last couple of days.

During a short meditation nap today, I noticed discomfort and slight pain in the stomach area. Focused there, trying to keep the area of focus soft, gentle and warm. A strong smell of parfume appeared in the nose. The smell slowly faded away when I spread the consciousness again.

..
Haven't actually thought about intensity and emotions like this:

Used to think intensity was harmful for the body and electronics, no matter what kind of intensity it was.

Division of consciousness

Slept most of the day off, because it was finally possible to do that again.

A couple of OBEs.

Appeared near the channel in one of these. Sight was normal and very clear. Knew I was floating there without a body, so I flew around as a blob of consciousness would. It looked as if it were raining a few hundred meters into the distance. Wanted to go and experience the feeling of rainfall through me. Also noticed hi-voltage lines to my right. Wanted to experience the feeling of electricity running through the cloud of consciousness. The consciousness probably gradually split or something, and the OBE faded away.

Rant and geisting

Felt pretty lightweight, compared to previous days.

Yesterday night I found myself having an unhealthy perspective on things. Looked at the perspective, which then took a specific shape and form in the mind .. and dissolved after a while.

Participated in the today from a not-too-happy-tense perspective. Some geisting because of that .. problems with network connections, getting blocked from some servers, etc.

The main problem at work: "Let's just hacky hard-code it and then rewrite it later when there's more time."

This has taken me weeks to explain that this is not how good software is designed. Difficult to describe it to management guys, who haven't had experience in developing larger systems nor coding much. And the more I speak with them, the more they want me to be involved. On the other hand, it's not my task to steal valuable lessons from other people. Should just let them do whatever they want, even if it would cost them several years to acquire the experience.

Fine flame

Hmm .. reading Grengoshi's journal on the forum made me feel happy. At the same time, a fine flame reached the head from the central channel. Felt the flame behind the eyeballs.

By fine flame, I mean a sensation of heat that spreads in shapes that has small details. That is, at one end of 1 mm, it can feel cold and on the other end, it can feel really really hot. This fire seems faster, hotter and less viscosity.

Previously, the heat has usually been coarse, slow and thick (more viscose).

Interesting..

Why's it so looong?

The white skeleton meditation has become rather popular on the forum. Though, for me it has seemed rather tough .. and didn't like it much, because it takes so much time and rarely do I have the time. Unless it's at the expense of sleep deprivation. Also, there's so many of these bones .. and got to work through all of them .. :(

Anyway, started with it again. Sat into the full lotus pose and started focusing through the bones, visualizing them starting glowing and emitting light. Noticed waves of heat propagating up the body, as I went from bone to bone. Listened to music while performing this.

Decided to stop at some moment, because it had become stressful for the body to maintain the pose. Started feeling really hungry too. Checked the time .. it's been 2 hours and I still have 1/3 of the bones to go. Even so, I skimmed through most of the bones in a hurry .. that is, did not do it the way it should be done. So, most likely one proper session of the white skeleton meditation would take not just a few hours but at least one full day. Can't afford that now. Have to go to bed and need to wake up early tomorrow morning, to catch transport for work.

After some time of focus, I noticed that the bones became dark blue. Similar to like when staring at a lamp for too long, then an area of sight is darkened. When I "looked" or focused away and back again, then I saw the bones still glowing.

Also noticed that some bones caused a global flash (blinded the sight of all other bones for a moment), or released pain while holding the consciousness focused on them.

Realized a couple of things, which are actually pretty obvious:

• It's not the distraction that distracts the mind, it is the mind that becomes distracted. That is, when the mind wandered, that's when I noticed those strong itchy sensations or feeling of discomfort, hunger, etc. The same with music .. it's not distracting, until the mind steps on it.
• The white skeleton meditation is not about "reaching the finish line," or getting through all the bones. It's the process that matters the most.
• It works best when each bone is kept in focus until absorption, in which case it starts emitting light on its own and the flow of energy moves the consciousness to the next bone.
• The mind's eye (seeing the bones) as well as the feedback from this meditation can be trusted a lot more than the memory of anatomy. If there's no bone or important neighbouring bones have been missed, then the bones won't heat up and won't start glowing.

It seems that for me there's still a long way to go before I can properly practice the white skeleton meditation.

Ah, right. Remembered I haven't eaten pretty much anything since breakfast.

Poured over with coffee

An incident that I had forgotten.

During a coffee break at Nelijärve, we were chatting about anime with another guy. Suddenly his hand jerked and I was poured over with coffee. No feelings then. About half an hour later or so, I started feeling rather uncomfortable (as well as suddenly had problems with SVN, laptop lagging, mouse stopped working, touchpad acted weird, etc.) .. until I had gone for a swim and changed the clothes. After that, everything was back to normal again.

To me, this incident looked as if there were an entity observing the conversation. And that entity did not like me yapping about anime. As an effort to make me shut my mouth, it jerked the other guy's hand in their body.

Or maybe geisting?

Noticed the similarities to how black magic works.

Reality in a bubble

Haven't seen any more of those crappy dreams.

Workshop at a nice place in the nature: Nelijärve. For several hours during the first night, I couldn't sleep .. just spent it in a meditative state.

An interesting feeling the next day .. saw the world from a different angle. This made the reality feel really dream-like and bubbly, similar to that in the post of Lucid reality. This time it was different, though, since the change in viewpoint seemed permanent.

Felt tired, but occasionally managed to see it as a matter of perspective.