Weird Wednesday

I was a bit nervous and frustrated about the Wednesday again. A school day from 8 AM to 6 PM with no pauses to eat, plus a couple of practicals where a clear mind and high performance is needed.

Anyway, there's this Haskell programming practical that begins and ends with tests. I failed the first test (I had written the correct answers, but fixed it wrong before submitting =\ ). While answering the questions of the second one, I could only answer one of the 4 questions and it took me most of the time for the test (15 minutes only). I typed at least something for the other questions. I more-or-less put just random things there and I didn't have any time to review any of my answers. So, I just submitted it and wow, I got the maximum points =).

The next was the 4-hour optics practical and I had already put all the clothes on to rush for the other building when suddenly something popped into my mind - "The book". I had forgotten to give a book back to one of my friends. While I was waiting for him, I was calmed by a similar feeling: "Don't worry, the practical is going to be a short one." I gave him the book and after arriving in the optics practical, I started to wait in the queue before the instructor. I had been waiting for about 2 hours already, when the other instructor appeared and asked me why I hadn't talked with him yet (it turned out that I had been scheduled for the other instructor instead). Anyway, I managed to finish all the work so that I still had an hour of free time in the end. Today was the first day I have finished an optics practical so quickly.

While I was walking back to the other building again, I saw some guy lying on the ground with some people around him. He was lying in a puddle of blood with his nose broken, looking around in total panic. Someone said he was suffering from cramps and that the old man nearby was already calling for the ambulance. So, I walked on, feeling sorry for the young student. I felt even more attached to my body that I had considered almost unnecessary a couple of years ago.

I guess that when you constantly feel your body well enough, you could live without any diseases for a long time. Also, feeling your body well enough would help with levitation (I rose out of my body the last time I tried it), teleportation (according to a few Indian scriptures) and self-healing (may not be needed at all).

Talked with my father about levitation again (he has levitated for a few centimeters) - he came up with an exercise he remembered having done:

• Walk on a slippery ice road for tens of kilometers every day during the winter (for a few years), trying to overcome the slipping by making yourself lighter. Also, try to feel a force pushing you forward (helps to keep you from slipping back). 

Ancient levitation

Busy times again..

I found this thread on levitation in the VSociety forum. Most of the posts are nonsense, with the exception of a few lost in the 8-pages-long thread. VitalDragon brought up a few old Indian scriptures with short guides on how to attain siddhis. Most of the guides were similar to this and actually won't say much about it:

The yogi may obtain laghimâ [lightness] by conciliating his consciousness in Me as being the subtle substance of the [natural division of] time [as the basis or primal substance] to the material elements that are there in the form of atoms [see also cakra].

By Samyama on the relationship between the body and space (akasha) and by concentrating on the lightness of cotton, passage through space can be attained.

The feeling of lightness I can understand, but the relationship between the body and space is something I don't think I have experienced.


One more thing that I would like to find in these ancient scriptures is teleportation.

Edit: I think I found it:

Completely absorbing the mind in Me one can with the wind [the breath, the subtle air], that follows the mind to have the body focused on Me, by the power of that meditation find the [physical] self to be going wherever the mind goes [manojava].

Maybe it sparks for someone. I have busy times ahead again..

PK wave's over

=P I guess the wave of PK has passed again - hardly managed to even twitch the psi-wheel today. Tried it for 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening with no progress. Should start practicing something else again..


I ate late and had to meditate for almost an hour before going to sleep. I realized that I had also done meditating wrong - it has more meaning if I meditate on something (ask myself a question or investigate a feeling or visualize something). Most of the time, I had just meditated because of the feeling of cleanliness after the meditation session. No wonder it had been boring to meditate this way.


When I started to meditate, I thought I would first make my mind clear of thoughts and then ask the question ("How could I overcome my mindblocks?"), but I just got the feeling that I should ask it right away. As I received no answer, I repeated it a few times and then started visualizing the question. I visualized mindblocks as steps that exponentially increased in height so that the final mindblocks were like cliffs. I could step over the first mindblocks, but as they became higher, I had to jump and then levitate to overcome them. The last mindblock I had visualized infinitely high and the only way to get over it was to teleport to the top. Once at the top, a question popped into my mind: "When I'm at infinity, how can I even see what's down where I came from?" I received a feeling as if I have already experienced this and that this isn't a problem, as the universe is not linear. It seemed as if I remembered having seen / felt things with infinitely large and infinitely small distances from each other.


I don't know, if I got an answer to the question I wanted to ask or not and even if I did, I didn't understand how the answer was related to the question.


While I was meditating, I suddenly started to leak psi in all directions. With my eyes closed, I saw psi leaking as if I were burning in bluish white flames. I have sometimes leaked some psi on purpose, but this time it was spontaneous and way stronger than before. It lasted for maybe 10 seconds and then stopped. After that I felt incredibly lighter, cleaner and more peaceful. Furthermore, usually when I have leaked psi on purpose, I feel tired afterwards, but this was not the case this time - I leaked a lot more than usually and I didn't feel being tired at all.


Having gone to bed, I sweat a lot .. spring with its features.. (probably caught some cold the previous week).

No limits

I took some vitamins and minerals yesterday and felt a lot better afterwards.

Tried PK on the psi-wheel again this morning. I noticed that it was more difficult to rotate it clockwise, as I had been rotating it only counter-clockwise yesterday. At least it moved almost as easily as it did yesterday and I decided to practice with the psi-wheel covered again. I could feel the psi-wheel just as I could feel it with the box open, but I couldn't feel it move and when I did, it just barely twitched. It's almost the same with bigger objects, I can sometimes feel them move, but I can't see them move - it's as if they moved by microscopic amounts only.

Actually, it's also the same for PK with other things. While I was looking at a geometrical optics figure, I felt a few rays moving or while I was practicing PK on the psi-wheel this morning, I felt a character move on the paper wheel. I'm not sure if they actually moved by some microscopic amounts or was it just my eyes - can't tell without any further practice. I remembered that when I was practicing PK on the aluminum soda can, I also felt the logo twitching on the side of the can while the can stayed in its position. The effect was quite small and although I tried to record the soda can twitching back then, not much could be seen in the videos.

Anyway, it would be pretty cool to adjust the placement of figures, zoom them in/out in the conspectus. Or maybe make them disappear, change their colors or whatever with PK. Psionics seems limitless again.

One thing I remembered from yesterday is that I sometimes kind of try to move objects in the wrong way. I sometimes feel like I'm stretching, bending or elevating the psi-wheel instead of making it spin. Probably because of that, a corner of the psi-wheel occasionally jumped and almost made the paper wheel fall off the pin.


I took a break from studying optics and looked what kind of film father and sister were watching in the other room. While we were watching the film, rain started to fall outside. I looked out of the window and said: "Wow, it would be cool if there were thunder and lightning flashes as well." Fractions of a second later, there was a flash of lightning in the sky and a few seconds later, we heard thunder. We all laughed and father said: "You shouldn't meditate so much, never know what might happen.."

Almost 360

Today morning in a lecture, I thought I should try whether the no-concentration method for PK still works or not. I looked at my paper notebook that was lying on the edge of two desks and it twitched for about 4 mm or so. I was sitting in the front row and there were quite a lot of people in the same classroom, but I think it went unnoticed =P.

Tried the psi-wheel again, when I got home. Still couldn't get it spinning under cover. At first I also couldn't spin it with the cover open - I had to twitch it with my finger first, for some reason. I then pulled my hands away, looked from behind the plastic cover to ensure I wasn't breathing on it and it started to spin. It spun with jerky movement (for example, counter-clockwise for 20 degrees and then clockwise for 10 degrees) for about 270 degrees and then "got stuck" - spun in both directions, always canceling out any orientation changes. Had a hard time controlling it at 270 degrees. 

I stopped practicing after about 30 minutes and felt a slight headache - I haven't eaten yet, because of the diarrhea that developed just yesterday. Furthermore, my throat also got sore yesterday, but I doubt any of this has anything to do with PK - it's more like spring with its "features".


Tried again in the evening, but could hardly move it. Could have been either the fact that I had just eaten or that I have just exhausted myself with suddenly practicing so much in a row.

PK with no focus

Read a few psi-wheel posts in the VSociety psi-wheel thread again. As most of the people there always say something in the lines of "don't concentrate on the psi-wheel", I decided to try it - so far I had put a lot of effort into trying to feel things move and I haven't had much success.

Two days ago that I tried it, I was so tired that I couldn't practice PK for more than 10 minutes. I tried with the psi-wheel closed in a plastic box, but couldn't move it much.

Then I found another post in the same thread: "Don't put a glass over it if you feel it will make it harder." I thought: "No, no - you won't even be able to tell if it was wind or not." and ignored the post.

At 0.00 AM I went to practice some PK on the psi-wheel, put the box onto a chair somewhere near the bed. Sat on the bed and tried it with the box closed. After a while I thought it was time to open the box to see what it looks like when the psi-wheel moves. I opened the box, but the psi-wheel only slightly budged in the wind made by opening the box.

So far I had only been able to control the psi-wheel while it was spinning, but now I just looked at it standing still and suddenly I felt it spinning. It started to spin with a pretty good acceleration. The only problem was that whenever it started to spin, my mindblock had to balance it out so that I wouldn't "break any physics laws". So, it spun maybe a few degrees and then always spun back so it looked the way it did before. After a few times, I got excited and had to calm myself down.

I had made sure that there was no wind in the room, but even with my nose blocked by the cover of the plastic box (the cover opens to the side and I was looking over the edge of the cover), I started to doubt. I lowered my head so that I could see through the cover of the box, but there was no chance of blowing on it at all. I could spin it up to 10 (Edit: was more like 20 or 30) degrees and then back - it is possible to do it through glass or plastic even when the image of the psi-wheel is distorted.

After a while, things started to snap around me again. Starting to feel a slightly uncomfortable in a few places of my body, I went to sleep at 1:30 AM. While in bed, I felt a few muscles in my legs twitching - slightly overdid it, I guess?

PK in stereo

Really busy times again, but my friend Hyena managed to amuse me in one of the boring lectures. He was bored and so he had started to film everything around him. I told him that he should try PK on something and film that.

So, he took a coin, put it standing on the edge and concentrated on it. I thought maybe if we both tried, we could do something with it. A few times I actually felt the coin trying to move and usually not in the direction I was trying to move it. A couple of times I felt as if I knew how he intended to move it. We weren't able to move it, he got bored again and tried to bend the coin on the edge of the table.

Other than that, busy times again.. 

PK done wrong

Met Maeror on the #psionacademy IRC channel in DarkMyst a few days ago and it turned out that he has been practicing making constructs for about 15 years. After some chatting, he recommended me to visit vsociety forums and chatrooms. I talked about my first half-OBE and Maeror inspired me to meditate on my own presence.

I tried it and it helped me to feel myself better for a couple of days. For a moment, I realized what kind of illusion I was living in - I'm really far from being myself and even that "myself" was an illusion.

Lost the first post after having forgotten that in Opera it's Ctrl+Shift+Click not Ctrl+Click on a link that opens it in the new tab =P. So, I just left it out then.

 Practiced PK again after this long break. Took some 45 minutes just to stare at the psi-wheel closed in a plastic box. Every once in a while I opened the box to see what it looks like when it moves.

I once even tried to PK-move it while it was still out of the box. To me it seemed that I was able to make it turn one direction, make it stop, then make it turn the other direction and then repeat the process. It was difficult to get it moving when it had already been stopped for some longer time period - I guess I could barely make it twitch like that.

I still couldn't move it in the box, but I found a few things I have probably done wrong the previous times I practiced it:

• While grounding and centering, when I visualized psi flowing through my body, I visualized it as a narrow stream coming through the legs and flying out from the top of my head. According to the Kundalini book, this is similar to what happens to the yogis who achieve liberation without their bodies. Their bodies die because most of their prana is concentrated into a small portion of the body while the rest of the body is "cold".
• I always sought help from visualization, but according to this post, visualization could actually be a show stopper. For some, the infamous "Just Do It" method is what gives real results and it could be the same for me. The downside is that I've never actually understood how the method goes (it kind of just happens when it does).

This time I grounded & centered so that the psi flow from Earth went through my whole body and while it was more difficult to maintain high psi pressure, it no longer made my head nor any other parts of my body hurt while doing this. I guess doing it wrong really could damage your body irreversibly.

I also tried to visualize less and go for playing around with the feeling of the psi-wheel moving. Sometimes I got the feeling of it starting to move, but every time I feel like I'm balancing it out in order to make it more realistic. I guess it's "breaking" the laws of physics for my mind and since it's impossible to break the laws of physics, it's impossible to do PK. It is possible to force it through the mind-barrier by sheer willpower, but it would only give short-time results, I guess. And I think that's exactly what has happened to my PK practice for several times already.

End of a busy week

Yay, the first two tests are over and there's some free time again. Already used some of it to sleep for 12 hours. 

After having experimented with the yoga breathing exercises, I could tell the difference - after a few days of intense studying and going to sleep late, I was so tired that I had trouble keeping my eyes open, but my mind was awake and active. Another thing I noticed, was that I almost didn't need to yawn at all (I was breathing slower than usually, but I still had enough oxygen). I also found it easier to maintain control over movements and thoughts, while I was getting more sleepy every day.

Yesterday, when I tried to sleep for 12 hours, I could no longer change the breath flow (I could just a few days ago) - it had become an automatic timed event. As none of the exercises listed in the Kundalini book worked, I decided to sleep even when I was still breathing via Ida.

I had trouble falling asleep at first because of all the hassles with breathing correctly and just moved a few bumps around in the mattress. I was surprised that even though I hadn't practiced PK for a week, I could feel the mattress, form bumps and move them around quite easily.

I guess that spring has begun - it's so warm and slippery outside. Sometimes it was one leg, sometimes both legs that slipped away. Somehow the rest of my body was always kept upright and thanks to that, I never fell. This reminds me of when a few days ago I slid down a stairway, standing on one leg only (the other slipped away). Another thing that I remembered, was that I once tried to form a connection to ground that would provide me with psi, pull me towards the ground and keep me upright when I would happen to slip on ice. Maybe it did work after all?

Slippery ice made me want to try out some more things. I visualized thorns that provided some extra drag under my boots. I was already almost at school, so I couldn't verify anything. Maybe some other time.

Auto-shielding?

I'm still feeling the warmth from yesterday. Also, it feels as if I could feel myself in my body better than I could before.

After eating some salad, I was flushing the plate under running water and I was certain I saw water splashing on my cardigan. I dried my hands and looked if I had been hit by something from the plate, but my clothes were clean and dry everywhere. I looked my sleeves through 2-3 times, not being able to find anything.

I then took a glass of yogurt and poured some fruit kissel into it. After drinking it, I noticed that some of the kissel had flown on the side of the glass, but had stopped on the edge. I looked around the room and couldn't find any drops on the floor, table or anywhere else.

Today was the first time that the lecturer of "Construction of Substances" skipped a seminar. He thought he already did it last week (it happens once every few weeks). Last week the matematician Heiki asked me to write down everything the lecturer says in the seminar, because he had a test in the other building (mathematics - informatics faculty). =D So, he practically didn't miss anything. 

A similar thing happened a couple of weeks ago - he asked me to document the lecture of optics the next week, because he had a test. When the lecture began, the lecturer said that he was going to be away for almost a week and so no lectures take place.

Back then I just y'know, laughed at the coincidence, but putting it all together with the lucky coincidence when we were walking to the other building (mathematics - informatics faculty again) and walked past the building, where an hour+ later large blocks of ice had fallen down from the roof. I'm just starting to think that maybe these aren't coincidences - he is also one of the few deep, utterly calm and confident people I have met. No wonder he easily beats all physicists in tests and exams.

Meditating on chakras

I went to the satellite radio room / lab to meet with my teammate. The television had visited the room and everything was out of place. Some things had gone missing (PC power cable) and a few things I had missed, had appeared (an USB mouse with wheel, for example). We could do nothing without the USB cable for the ARM evaluation kit and unfortunately, it was missing. So, I tried to sense it anywhere in the room, but I couldn't feel it anywhere in the room. I thought I felt something similar behind me, on the left, but I ignored it (too faint to be true). After having looked through almost all the drawers, I spotted a drawer behind me, to my left that had our team name on it =D. I opened it and there was another evaluation kit that happened to have a similar USB cable.

I do the same every time I go into the kitchen and can't find any glasses / cutlery / plates / food. There have been only a few cases, where there actually has been nothing. Usually there is, but I have missed it (=P cause they end up in odd places sometimes).

Read a few more paragraphs from the Kundalini book. I was amazed at the fact that some yogis meditate / concentrate on their chakras. I thought I should try meditating on the Muladhara chakra.

It was more difficult than I had imagined - I couldn't even locate it. So, I kind of tried concentrating on multiple places and then work out the location by seeing if there is any effect. I think I almost spotted it a few times, because I started feeling warmth coming from somewhere around the area. The warmth diffused into the rest of the body.

I laid down and fell asleep immediately (probably because I had woken up early in the morning). Suddenly the alarm clock started to beep (at 0.00 AM). I was certain I had set it to 8.30 AM, but somehow I had managed to hit the other button as well.
Anyway, as I woke up, I noticed that I had fallen asleep carelessly and I had forgotten to change the breath flow (decided to try it out since yesterday). Actually, I had problems changing it - it was stuck in the way I forced it in the morning.

The art of breathing

I read about Svara Sadhana in the Kundalini book and decided to try it out by sleeping on my left side.

I saw at least 2 interesting dreams. 

In one of them, we were building a hut out of clothes somewhere in the woods. During the summer, we used to play pranks on the aunts, by building all kind of things out of clothes on the drying ropes outside. In the dream, it was windy and we were just putting the clothes on top of each other to make a hut against wind. All the clothes were freshly washed white T-shirts.

In the other dream, there was a bonfire, a bus and a pickup. Someone walked towards me from the bonfire and warned me not to go near the pickup. He told me that sometimes a fire breaks out near the place where the pickup was. I was certain that the fire could not do any harm to me, but then a furry dog doll poofed into my hands and as I didn't want it to get burned, I walked away from the pickup, just in case. When I did, a huge 3-4 storey flame appeared. It was orange-red from the bottom and at the top, there were blue vertical lines in a cylinder around the central axis of the fire. It looked really powerful and a bit scary at the same time.

Subconscious

I read the page that the "Communicating with your subconscious" page linked to. It's pretty similar to what kind of coincidences / conversations I have had in my mind (I haven't had any coincidences that weird, but a few weird enough to make me think about it).

I also tried to fight it at first, I guess. It could've been my subconscious(ness) that I literally fought with, after having "successfully" won the last position in the local Informatics Olympiad for the first time. Actually, that was one of the curve points in my life - I changed from there on. I started to meditate and the first cool "coincidences" started to occur. =D I somehow managed to pull unbelievable results out of most of the exams. And for some reason, I was totally calm and indifferent to success / failure - that's something I've lost.


Anyway, back to the page. There was an answer to a question that blew my mind:

Q: "Why are you here? Why am I hearing you?"

A: "My job is to help you in any way that I can, to help you become more aware, to see that you pay attention to the lessons that you are learning."

I would've never thought that it could be the job of subconscious(ness). On the other hand, it makes perfect sense if it's like that. Hm, subconsciousness sounds like the lack of subconscious mind, so I put the "ness" suffix into parentheses.

Perhaps those "chest" focus exercises are also lessons taught by subconscious to help me with psionics practice.

=P  Nice, I actually forgot to post this. I thought I should practice communication with my subconscious and started meditating somewhere at 1.20 AM or something. I thought it told me to pour some more water into one of the flower pots (that flower has been looking a bit on the dry recently) in my room. I took the bottle, poured some and then stopped, when I thought it told me to stop. I asked if I had to pour more and I think I got the response "Yes". Well, as I had watered it just a couple of days ago, it soon started to come out from the bottom of the bot. It overflowed my bookshelf and dripped down onto the floor. Well, that's a great example of what I've said earlier about not being able to tell the difference between the thoughts of my own and the thoughts of others.


Hopefully the flower is alright. I dried it all as much as I could, but it was still dripping. So I sat down on the bed and started visualizing the water turning into fog and flying away. I visualized this with a few minute pauses for grounding and resting in between. At 2 AM, it had more or less stopped dripping, and I just went to bed. I was amazed at the concentration and willpower I was able to put in action. As the bookshelf and floor were still wet, I doubt if the visualization had any effect at all.

Visualization threshold

When yesterday I saw a dream, where I was out with a group of people, playing in an unknown place. I was totally calm, relaxed and could do whatever I wanted to. Today morning I saw a dream, where I was on a helicopter, flying over Chernobyl (don't ask why). It was difficult to balance myself - the helicopter rocked from side to side and there was hardly anything to hang onto - there was a hole in the floor. Then suddenly I realized I knew how to levitate and tried different positions, poses and so on. When I found the most difficult one, I woke up into another dream, where I also started to levitate right after waking up. Then I woke up for real, because it was 8 AM, I had set the alarm at 8.30 AM, but I needed to pack sandwiches. As packing sandwiches takes me about 30 minutes, I have decided to wake up exactly 30 minutes before the alarm every day.

Finished packing food 10 minutes earlier this morning and had to kill some time. So, I used one of the desktop computers in the livingroom. My sister had a psipog page open in a tab. I opened it and read it again. At least some of it was now backed up by my own experience. About "the deal" though, I haven't exactly made a long-term deal yet. I ask for guidance / help pretty often and I have learned to trust my subconscious more than ever before, but so far there haven't been any deals.

I relied on my intuition for walking on the slippery roads covered in ice. I didn't want to fall, as I was carrying my laptop with me. I have managed to go to school and come back home like this before. I have usually slipped and slid for even half a meter on one leg only. Or when one leg flies away, I usually still manage to land with my other leg, balanced well enough so that I won't fall or hit the laptop bag.

The satellite meeting ended late and on my way home, I thought it would be cool if I could teleport back home (could skip some 20 or 30 minute walk). I stopped in a dark spot and visualized myself standing in my room. I couldn't reach the threshold, from where it could've happened. I walked on and while walking, I tried to visualize it while walking with my eyes open and looking around as well. To my surprise, it wasn't much more difficult to visualize it while actually doing something else. Couldn't reach the threshold - no success.

Walking the bull

I saw a dream of the bull again last night. In the previous dream, the bull was crazed, attacked people and broke its only horn off. This time the bull was calm, talking to the two other cows near him / it. The single horn had started to grow again, but it was still quite small. There were three of us walking on the "stone fence" (don't know how it's called in English), holding cows on leashes - just like walking the dogs in a park. The other two had cows and I had the bull. I can't remember, who the other two were, but we couldn't all fit onto the stone fence (it's only half a meter wide on the top). So, I had to walk on the side of the fence - it was really steep and barely had any outcroppings (that's the point - the sides have to be smooth) to step on. It amazed me that I didn't have to pay any attention to that, I just walked there, perfectly balanced and calm.

I don't know what it means, but I thought the bull could have been either a symbol for my subconscious, my body or psionics practice perhaps or something similar. While writing the above paragraph and trying to write "it" instead of "the bull", I remembered the following from yesterday when I was on my way home: I was thinking of the parallels between one's subconscious mind and an animal. Then I asked myself (the question seemed absurd back then) if my subconscious would mind me calling it an "it". There was no answer and instead, I started thinking, why the heck would I even consider something like that.

I started to eat grill sausages in front of the laptop and stuffed the fork into one. It became an oil fountain, it was weird but cool that even the last spill of oil fell back onto the plate (about 2mm from the edge). Everything else, the table and laptop, were dry and clean. Got lucky again =).

Pain again

The same spot on my right leg suddenly started to hurt in the lecture this morning. I noticed that it was directly affected by my thoughts / feelings. When I slightly altered the feeling, the leg was alright and when I altered it back, it started to hurt again. The pain is strange - it's not muscle pain, it goes right through the muscles and peaks somewhere in the surface of the bone. It's not at all affected by moving the leg. One more thing that I noticed yesterday is that when it hurts, then the area where it hurts or where the "hole" in psi is, the leg is cold.

Now that I think about it, the same thing or at least something similar has happened to my leg and my hands before and I have usually noticed it after or during a 1h meditation session.

Bugs in aura

We watched some Criss Angel mindfreak episodes again with father and sister in the evening.

I thought I would try teleportation again, but then I remembered that psionics practice should be different each time or there's not going to be much of a success. So, I tried levitation this time. It was kind of late and I was already tired, so I had a hard time trying to concentrate on the feeling of rising. Then I remembered that Criss Angel used to shout "Now" suddenly. So, I suddenly thought "Now" and something started to happen (it seems to help with short-time concentration). Psi started to flow faster and my body started to tingle with the same frequency all over.

Another thing happened though - I suddenly felt sharp pain in my right leg. It was too painful to be able to find the exact spot easily and I had to concentrate on different parts of the leg and picture it all together. There seemed to be a cone-shaped hole in the psi-field or aura around the leg. I had no idea how it had gotten there, but I visualized removing the hole and regenerating the psi field. I usually visualize old psi falling into the Earth and dissolving there. Eventually I could have psi flowing through the area where the hole had been. But that was just the first one of these "bugs" that seem to appear only when I'm using bigger amounts of psi. There were channels filled with some stuff where psi couldn't get through. I visualized peeling off the "blocking stuff" inside these channels and dissolved them in the Earth as well. I managed to "clean" just barely half of my body like this and fell asleep.

Teleportation

We watched Criss Angel's mindfreak videos again in the evening. Most of them contained his teleportation attempts and it motivated for practicing teleportation. I googled and found a thread on VSociety on teleportation. Read some of it and came to the conclusion that teleportation should still work the way I had first thought it would.

When I tried teleportation during a 1h meditation a while ago (2 years ago, I guess), I could feel myself in 2 places. I think I made at least 2 mistakes back then. First, I attempted it when my body had fallen asleep (I could've teleported (OBE'd) without my body). Second, I stopped it a few seconds after feeling myself sitting both to my left and to my right. It was just too weird for me back then. Wow, I haven't written it down on the blog yet; I thought I had. Here it is: http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2008/12/redundancy.html.

Anyway, I tried it again. I closed my eyes, meditated on the bed for a few minutes and visualized my surroundings change so that I would feel sitting on the other end of the bed, 180 degrees rotated. For some reason, it seems more difficult to visualize nearby places rather than far-away places. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to accidentally actually teleport somewhere 500km away from home, would I? The visualization got stronger and I started to feel the wall in front of me, balcony to my left (it was originally to my right) and myself sitting on the bed. Then, at some point, the visualization started fading and I visualized myself in the original position and orientation again.

I meditated some more and I suddenly felt like I had gotten the trick to psionics. Everything around me started snapping really loud and it startled me. The cabinet snapped loud in two places simultaneously; the same happened with one of the tables in my room and I think that my bed also snapped. The snapping has never been so loud and startling before.

Fallback

I started to meditate, but couldn't bare it .. the smell of my socks was killing me. So, I shielded it and meditated on =P. Couldn't resist for long and had to take a shower.

I haven't gotten enough to eat at school for almost a week and my psionics has plunged back at zero again - I almost can't feel any psi again. I guess this is one of the reasons behind the previous fallbacks as well. Another reason would be school and lack of time to actually do anything.

Iceblock assassination

In theory, it's all beautiful. In reality, I had absolutely no time to eat during the school day (running between different school buildings).

The weather has become a bit colder again and there's snow falling again. There is this path that I usually take to the other school building. I had been walking along it with a few friends, talking. About 2 hours later, when I came back the same road, I saw that some heavy iceblocks had fallen down on the road. We got lucky, because those blocks falling from the roof, 4-5 meters above the road could've been enough to actually kill someone.

Delusions

I somehow (I was certain that I had set the clock before going to sleep) managed to oversleep and be 1h late for school. It just meant that I had to rush without having eating anything first.

Ironic, because before going to sleep, I thought I should start paying more attention to how I treat my body, my clothes and my tools. So far I have paid attention to them when they would break down soon. Before that I usually just live in the delusion that they are alright. I tend to prioritize mind over everything physical although that's not the way I actually want to go - I know what it feels like when I reach the dead-end that way and I don't like it (it's just as if I had already experienced that).

Before going to sleep, I discovered that I had a practical I should've prepared for tomorrow. So, the waxing of my boots and PK practice got dragged late. I tried at least something - just felt different objects (couldn't stay with one object for more than a few minutes, because I was just too tired for any more).

Tired

Practiced PK randomly on random objects today and yesterday as well. I also practiced forming and moving a bump (or multiple bumps) around in the mattress before falling asleep. Usually, this has been the easiest exercise for me. Most of the time I just have to put some negligible effort into it once and then I can already more easily attain the feelings of objects around me. For some reason though, yesterday it was somewhat more difficult than usual.

I was already tired yesterday and today morning I was exhausted. It could be that I miscalculated my lunch time and had to eat late. I also had to visit the bathroom for 2-3 times during the night and then at 6 AM, I suddenly lost my dreams again..

I realized how I had been misusing all of my stuff along with my body. So far I have used it as if it were just a tool that I can wear out and buy a new one. After coming home, I noticed how my boots had started to wear out, because I hadn't waxed them for a long time. What is more, when my father looked at these boots, he said that they were probably already leaking some water. I said they were not (deluding myself). I guess it's the same reason why I fail to notice when I'm hungry.