Uncle

It's uncle's birthday .. visited him.

He was sincerely happy about us being there (judging by the feeling).

When he woke up and looked around, it felt a bit alienating at first. Haven't seen a body in such a condition before, at least not in this life. He couldn't speak, he could barely nod and feeding him was not all that easy. He could barely move his hands (for most of the time, they were in some semi-cramped default position), let alone his feet.

Had a vision / flashback where he still looked similar (thin), however, he was finally free of the tumor. His whole body was now clean. A fresh start on a beautiful day. He was working his muscles and learning to speak and walk again.

Wished him a good recovery and good health so that he can live as an example of inspiration for others who would have a similar problem in the future.

Would be really awesome if he turned a yogi after his recovery.

To me it seemed that it would take him several years of focus to recover and become well. He has taken a really tough mission.

I think I could help him more if I could sense the energy channels in other people well enough. Currently I don't know what's going on and I don't feel confident in messing around in his system without being able to sense it all. I guess a Kundalini awakening could be fatal in such a condition and I'm afraid providing more psi into his central channel might induce an awakening. Perhaps I should reduce the amount of energy in his head, perhaps I should increase the intensity of energy flow in his left channel? Or perhaps in the right channel? I'm not even sure if I really should encourage him and boost his willpower .. it might also be dangerous because it might speed up the process (which could cause extra pressure to build up in the skull). Even though I know I can heal, this situation is currently beyond me. Thus, I've occasionally visualized transferring him knowledge and wisdom that even I don't have. Perhaps one day he can teach me.

Throwing cards

Attempted white skeleton meditation again last night. The flow of psi released some pain in the head. Fell asleep several times and the practice was cut prematurely. Still, it had a great effect on psi intensity and health.

Some pk practice in the dark a couple of nights ago.

A daily nap or two, while staying alert.

Today evening, Hyena called, regarding his recent progress in OBE / astral travel. He had left the TV on a channel with foreign language which he wouldn't understand (easy to focus on, while avoiding the mind translating the text), then took a daily nap. He thought of visiting the ET. Just as he did, he felt being transported to a ship of little Greys. It took him a considerable amount of effort to avoid being kidnapped and to make his way back, which he did. A really amazing experience.

Practised throwing cards today. Used pk to aim before throwing. Lost the cards before I managed to throw it into the crack between the wall and the door. With the help of pk, I did get it about 1 cm from the crack (sometimes directly, sometimes with a deflection from the ceiling, sometimes with a bounce from guitar strings and so on). Pretty cool .. =D Right, the distance was about 5 meters. Outside (no wind) we managed to throw the cards more than 30 meters, but accuracy was way off (the cards would flip over in the wind when they flew over the roof).

Throwing shuriken and nails might be a bit similar in technique. Would want to try nails tomorrow. Though, with a regular playing card it's already possible to cut fruit.
Edit: Nope, throwing nails is different.

Staff-spell to free a wolf

Took a hike to another home farmhouse, a few kilometres away. A slightly foggy day with heavy clouds and a faint howling echoing in the distance. Aunt said this howling has been there for days .. eventually it turned out it's been there for perhaps even a month.

I said: "Let's go take a look, maybe there's a monster after all =)"

I had a staff with me (ahem, a toilet refill valve). Imagined casting a spell with it, which would free the dog. The howling stopped.

As we arrived near a neighbour house shining from behind some trees (Christmas lights), a white wolf dog appeared. It was sooo happy to see us and wanted to come with us.

Anyway, we had to take the dog back to the house so that it wouldn't follow us to our home (we have another dog). The dog was chained again and howling restarted.

What a lovely dog :)

Half-manifested lightning

A couple of evenings ago, I focused on the old oak tree, then on the silent noise of the wind in the forest. Wind picked up. I had just installed an antenna about an hour or two ago and was wondering if it was safe against lightning as well. Bah, at winter there's no lightning anyway.. A flash of white light, followed by a noise that seemed similar to thunder (could've been a steel plate snapping due to temperature gradients or wind). That was the only flash and the only sound of thunder that I heard. Later it was no more.

Yesterday evening there was a nice wind. Played with it a little. Wind picked up. Picked trees to sway around with the wind, turned it around the corner and swayed some Christmas decorations.

Some flickering of lights, disturbed TV transmission (digibox didn't work while I was meditating), some precog (which present was meant for me) and empathy (checked if grandparents were awake before I called them).

White "room"

Periodically woke up yesterday morning, expecting for a Skype meeting, which was supposed to take place sometime in the morning. The meeting didn't happen, ended up pretty tired. Enjoyed a yawn party, which, after lasting for at least 30 minutes, culminated in the brain waking up.

A few hours later, I felt more lucid than I've been in the last few years. Felt really close to waking up from this reality.

Took a nap in the evening. A few minutes into the nap, I noticed a white portal somewhere nearby. There was somebody there, aware of me. Slowly entered through the portal, while the being was cleaning me with the white psi. The white "room" was without form (thus, not really a room), or rather, it had the form that was projected from my mind. Semi-subconsciously I had projected the 3d image of our bathroom. From the white psi, a part of the bathroom appeared.When it manifested, I could feel it inside-out and move around in there, as if it were an OBE.

Okay, just found that the laptop had woken up inside the bag. It had been there for half a day, battery at around 0%. I hope nothing overheated. When I plugged it in, it went to sleep. The new laptop has already developed some pretty unhealthy habits.

Suspicious

Have been feeling floaty for the past few days.

Visited one of the department stores today. There was a group of drunk young men trying to be cool. One of the guards was called there. The guard looked pretty small, when compared to those guys .. who didn't take him very seriously. Targeted the group and tried to make them feel tired and sleepy. Don't know if it worked at least a little or not at all. A couple of minutes later, an alarm went off and firefighters parked at the front. Strange.

A couple of mystical work-related bugs and some geisting incidents.

Yesterday I found myself locked out by the laptop .. couldn't login. An Ubuntu update might have changed the permissions on .Xauthority.

Today some memory corruption appeared on my laptop. Copied a few lines of Pawn script, and when I tried to paste them, I got some funny piece of code that I don't think I have anywhere on this laptop at all - looked like a snippet from a graph traversal algorithm with half-Estonian variable names (I don't write code in such a way). Anyway, watched an SG-1 episode with Dad, came back and it got even more strange .. Ubuntu nearly froze with the SSD activity indicator lit. Couldn't power it off properly anymore, had to power-recycle it. Very suspicious.

Later it became keep the cloud of hot psi from being shot at the laptop. Took me some effort to turn the cloud more inward.

Crown and 3rd eye

Meditated again last night, with attention at the bindu point at the top of the head. At some point I became aware of a being to my right observing and making notes. Someone walked past towards my left. Didn't associate myself with them, I just let them be and continued focus on the sense of my own presence. Eventually, the crown popped open again.

After that, I noticed how breathing became more shallow and consciousness started shifting (it changed shape and leaned forward). There seemed to be an increased concentration of consciousness at the 3rd eye now. This process didn't finish, though .. the point of focus was becoming duller (was about to fall asleep).

Tried to keep focus on something more tangible for the mind (the sensation of levitation), which should be easier to do for a tired mind. Noticed the root chakra pulsating, so I also moved focus there. Some bursts of psi shot up from there, hurting the back of the head slightly. There was some effect - a sensation of a pull upwards. Though, could hardly maintain focus and went to bed.

While attention was wandering, I saw an image of a tree in a storm, visited sister and Dad and so on..

Tantra fail: leaked a lot of psi while semi-conscious. That's the second night in a row that this has happened.

Smooth flow

Yesterday I dropped all sorts of shields from the chest area and realized that a lot of the tension disappeared. Instead, I became aware of a smooth flow of warm psi in the left channel.

Also, I think sipping warm tea had an effect there. I guess by eating cold food for months, I had lost a point of reference or something. The sensation of warm tea probably helped to bring attention to the smooth flow of warm psi.

Meditated and practised focus before bed. Saw myself at the place where I had intended to travel to in that dream of hike. I guess I did not come back from that journey in the dream after all (post-dream visualization worked =).

School obscures the mind

Took another part of the body and focused through the bones last night.

Experienced a flash of white light again (suddenly it became as bright as a day around the body). As sort of a self-defensive reflex, mind jolted back, causing the light to disappear again. Oh well.

Had a dream. I wanted to go and visit some place far away. Started walking. Weather was cloudy and moist, passed by some old buildings with roof fallen in. Forest thickened, then cleared out again. Crossed a stream.

Towards my left, there was an artificial bump, on top of which there was a picnic table and a couple of benches. Walked past it and when I looked back at it, instead of a picnic table there was now a Torii (Japanese temple gate) with a shallow waterfall that joined with the stream right where I had crossed it.

I knew I was on the right track but it was just the start .. knew the map by heart. Now I had to cross a river. There was a tiny island with one tree and some grass between the river banks. However, just before I managed to cross the river, the island broke loose and started drifting down the river.

That's it, now I was drifting away from the path that I knew. To make matters worse, the island sped up .. it was already moving so fast that I couldn't just jump off to the riverbank. It was perhaps 30 km/h and accelerating. Took a compass to at least check the direction - compass didn't work. Took a GPS, then - didn't work.

Became nervous and panicked .. got to get back soon, there's a lot of school stuff to do. Here I was in an unknown place, accelerating in an unknown direction without any way back. So I teleported back home.

Home was different than how I remembered it. Everything looked like a mess. Somehow made my way to the bookshelf and started cleaning the room. Uncovered a few yoga books I didn't know I even had in there.

Woke up with only one thing on my mind: "NoOo, it's still 2 hours till the alarm. Why the heck did I cancel a spiritual journey for the sake of some old boring schoolwork?" Sigh. Well, at least I facepalmed against one of the biggest showstoppers in my progress.

Heat

Meditated a little before bed again. Perhaps 45 minutes or so.

Decided to try something against my recent problems with cold. Lungs and throat seem to be the most sensitive. Focused on the inner surface of the lungs, visualizing it being hot, almost burning. Visualized the heat of a hot sauna, the heat of glowing pieces of wood, the heat of a bonfire against the skin, the heat of being between 2 bonfires, etc.

This increased the heat a little. Couldn't keep it up for very long, though (perhaps an hour).

Although this usually tests my patience, I decided to try a partial white skeleton meditation session. Just a few bones, how hard can it be? Right, after another hour of heavy focus, the central channel clicked open and only then did I feel it having any effect at all. By that time, it was pretty late already, so without starting all over again, I just focused on all of the bones in the chest glowing again. After that, visualized them dissolving and the psi spreading in the chest.

A few more moments of clarity throughout the night. Woke up tired.

Not against the will

Yesterday after all that homework, I had planned to take an online exam as well. Didn't want to take it then .. which must've had a pk effect. Did not try to neutralize the effect however, which would've just grown the karmic trace anyway. Nvm, one test barely affects the grade.

When I did try to take it later, the test appeared to be locked (since November already). So far all of the lecturer's attempts to reactivate it have failed. "Something like this has never happened before," he said.

One shouldn't do something against their own will. The will should be changed first.

Btw, the ending of Elfen Lied was just perfect.

Anime spree :(:

Finished the last episodes of Shinsekai Yori last night. Ate late, skipped pranayama, experienced dreams again (nothing particularly interesting, though).

A lot of homework, after which I watched a few episodes of Elfen Lied, another anime I've been postponing for years. That's also a really good one. Though, it contains a lot of gore.

These anime somehow make me feel warmth and love towards everything (doesn't matter if it's an animal, a monster, a "bad" or "good" person). Perhaps it's because it lets me observe karma from all sorts of different perspectives.

levitation dream

Experienced 1.5 dreams last night.

For some time into the night, I had been looking through my pk-related karma. I think I got to the point where I found myself free of the addiction towards psychokinesis. Experienced a dream where after having renounced pk, it had improved.

In that dream, dad woke up and had to go somewhere in a few minutes. Wanted to demonstrate a method to float / levitate. Took a chair, sat on it for less than a minute, stretched myself horizontally, leaning on air. Then focused on the central channel, in which, psi was pulsing slightly. Amplified this pulsation with the intent of lifting up. As intensity increased, I felt something changing. Told Dad to look as I was hanging in the air, top of my head scratching against the ceiling.

In the dream, I did not experience excitement .. but when I woke up, excitement / nervousness conquered the mind. Had a difficult time trying to focus. After an hour of the mind racing, it dropped into another dream .. until the alarm cut the dream.

The storm today morning was cool.

Today one of the coworkers expressed their excitement about how many abnormal coincidences there have been within the past few weeks. Told him it was pk.

Twitched a cookie on a plate before eating it.

Old stuff

Peered into stuff that resonated. One of them - Akiakane Flashback. Listened to it for a whole day, couldn't get enough .. until I watched the music video with English subs. Recognized the karmic trace, after which, the strange pull towards it disappeared.

Found myself emotionally addicted to an anime I had not seen before - Shinsekai Yori. So, I checked it out and found it pretty amazing. Recognized the karmic trace there.

That's some pretty old stuff still haunting me. These traces trace back before this lifetime. I recognize the traces but I can't remember where they come from. So far I guess I've ignored them because I can't remember their cause - that is, for the current me, these never even happened. How can one resolve past-life karma without remembering past lives? The only pieces I've remembered are some insignificant events.

On a different note, yesterday my sneaky remote healing experiment on uncle got cancelled. Just felt it wasn't needed anymore. Perhaps it's because the doctors disagreed to do anything before February. That is, in case he's still alive then.

Anyway, the experiment being cancelled + pranayama exercise probably caused a lot of psi to pile up in the body. Couldn't sleep, just laid there in bed, trying to maintain focus on the central channel. With the pranayama exercise, Sahasrara had also opened up and I could breathe into the central channel through the top of the head again.

While boiling potatoes, I was bored and balanced the foam spoon on the edge of the pot. Then tried to rotate it from side to side. A few minutes later, I managed to rotate it 45 degrees and back (almost back to how it was before, perhaps 10 degrees off).

Burned ribs to crisp in the oven. Strangely though, they tasted perfect.

Uncle

Doctors said uncle had just 2 weeks left. They were rather surprised, however, when another uncle said it's been already 7 years since it was first discovered.

Dad had found from Wikipedia that it's the pressure in the skull that kills. Whereas pressure builds up as the immune system fights the tumor cells. However, doctors don't want to release the pressure because it's not a standard procedure and would thus allow for people to sue them once the patient died (for not following the standard procedure).

At least I used to think it was the tumor that killed, not the pressure. It's easier to release pressure than cut the tumor.

We've also learned that chemoterapy was initially designed against blood cancer and doesn't work well against brain tumor. It usually just suspends the immune system, allowing for the tumor to grow without restrictions.

Yet another session of remote healing. So far all the healings have postponed it a little. It's not much use on a person who believes their faith is in God's hand, not their own.

Ganesha statue

Read some of the dream yoga book again before bed last night. Became quite fascinated by the description of energy channels. Realized just how non-refined my perception of them was.

URL to the PDF:
http://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/Tenzin-Wangyal-Rinpoche-The-Tibetan-Yogas-Of-Dream-And-Sleep.pdf

Stared at the Ganesha statue last night. Gradually felt more and more aware of the statue, while awareness of my body faded away. It's been a while since I last experienced this sensation as strong. Though, first time I've experienced it this strong with the eyes open. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding the statue in my hands and observing it from different angles. As I moved the focus back to the body, gradually I became more aware of my hands, feet.

Tried to sleep while maintaining focus on the central channel. Felt tired but calm in the morning.

Neutral presence

Mixed up days and went to school yesterday (a postponed lecture/seminar). While walking there, I kept focus on a neutral sense of presence (without spending psi on thoughts or emotions). There were ups and downs, but for a few minutes, I saw white light shining through objects. From the corner of my eyes, I saw a car driving down the road. Knew it was going to turn towards the road I was about to cross before it even slowed down. The car stopped strangely far from me. Probably the awareness also affected the driver.

Maintained focus on the neutral presence before sleep. Experienced a strong standing wave throughout the body. A constant flow of psi settled down, with a peak in intensity at the 3rd eye.

Occasionally fell asleep, woke up and refocused. Soon the consciousness lifted out of body slightly. The cloud of consciousness was rather hot, almost burning the skin on the face. Eventually the nerves became used to it.

Some time in the morning, I found myself in the body but detached from it. Could see the room clearly, while hearing someone making a ruckus by moving chairs around. Feeling full of psi, for a second, I visualized a being in front of me. It did not manifest.

Re: ORMUS v0.02

K, I'll try to reproduce it from memory..

He took a 0.5L glass, poured it almost full of the old soviet era sea salt. Produced a solution of NaOH with a pH of 3.5, then waited for a white powder to settle out. He took the white powder and put it into a solution of NaOH with a pH of 3.7 and let it settle out again. He washed the white substance out with bi-dest water several times. From 0.5L of salt, he had a few milli-litres of white powder. He then put it into a -20 *C freezer. After a day in the freezer, he dried it in vacuum.

In the vacuum, something happened so that later 1/3 of the powder was outside the glass but in close proximity to it (some on the glass, some on the plastic base plate as a ring around the glass).

After drying, he put in some vinegar with a pH of 5 to remove Magnesium. After this, little grains with a golden shimmer settled out. He then washed it with bi-dest water again.

When he would rock the glass, these little grains would spin around in the water and it would take a long time for them to settle down at the bottom of the glass again.

ORMUS v0.02

Dad said the old sea salt back from the soviet era seemed the best candidate for extracting ORMUS. The salt probably originates from somewhere around the Caspian sea or something.

While cold-drying the washed salt in the vacuum, something happened so that he eventually found 1/3 of the substance outside the glass .. covering the glass and the base plate. A little weird.

Stimulated growth

Read a few pages from the beginning of the dream yoga book again. Realized that since the last time I read it, I have learned more about ignorance and how it works.

Lifeforms grow according to the stimuli. The part which is stimulated the most, usually grows the most and becomes the most sensitive. It is said that when a child is in mother's womb and the mother often sings to them, the child's auditory acuity improves and the child more easily develops musical hearing.

Karma, thoughts, emotions grow the same way .. which is why one should not try to suppress thoughts or emotions, but rather avoid acting upon them.

Tried to avoid interaction with the senses and thoughts. Eventually forgot it in the dreams, though.

Before falling asleep, in a way I tried to turn off the senses, which caused a loud snap in the light bulb and startled me back.

While moving psi around in the central channel, I experienced a mild pop in the throat chakra. Although I've experienced this before, I didn't know what it was.

For the past few months, I've been seeing localized flashes of white light when I change something (modify a thought pattern or look at an issue from another angle). When the eyes are open, the flashes of light seem to have a structure or a shape to them. When the eyes are closed, I would just see the light through the eyelids.

Blackout

A blackout last night. Had just woken up to turn around in bed when UPSes started beeping and this part of the town went dark block by block. Some time later streetlights switched on again, then buildings lit up block by block. Ours did not. It took several hours before this building was powered on again. The timing matched a visualization in the mind. Wasn't much of a sleep last night.

It has been a while since I last saw a blackout that lasted this long. Was kind of hoping to see it in the news somewhere .. to check against the effects of the visualization.

Sharp things

Watched Criss Angel Believe: Lord of Illusion on Wednesday night. While seeing him manifest people's fears, I found myself thinking what I would answer when asked: "Tell me your greatest fear". Nothing came to mind. However, while watching Criss Angel perform the Lord of Illusion trick, I remembered my fear against sharp objects pointing at me or slicing me (swords, knives pointing at me, falling towards me .. stuff alike).

In the show, there were all sorts of problems with the setup .. hanging swords getting stuck. At the end of the show, a sword fell down on its own. He blamed it on his team. Well, to me it looked more like a construct at works. Someone's fears becoming manifested in a way to warn about the dangers so that nobody's lives would be threatened.

Tried to settle the slightly unsettled mind again by trying to levitate (kept it busy visualizing the sensation of being lifted so it wouldn't visualize some falling swords or stuff). This focus exercise had some cool effects. A strong standing wave appeared from the abdomen to the heart chakra. No levitation, though ..

An evening sauna event. Carefully balanced the timing to maximize the amount of energy gained (there's a peak to it .. once over this, one would start to lose energy again). Psi was released from the abdomen region, spread the whole body until all of it was buzzing of pleasure.

Natural frequencies

An FB discussion with an old skeptical schoolmate. Realized that human brain is probably a fractal antenna (roughly 40 000 km of nerve chains for an ELF antenna?). Just hadn't thought about it earlier. Another possibility would be a grid of smaller antennae with some sort of phase detection. Otherwise it would be pretty strange for our brains emitting that low frequencies.

Anyway, the point of the discussion was all those radio transmitters shadowing the natural frequencies (Schumann resonance, Alpha waves, Theta waves, etc.).

Just a few days ago we had discussed pretty much the same thing with Dad. That meditating is basically focus on some frequencies and amplifying them. By amplifying the natural frequencies and rising the peaks high above the noise, we make it easier for other people to detect and focus on these signals. That's why meditation has a non-localized effect.

There was a good point in why one consciousness would spread into smaller pieces, each of which would evolve into a whole on their own. Say each piece initially represented one frequency. After the pieces have been stimulated with the other frequencies and have evolved to being able to transmit these frequencies on their own .. then the sum amplitude of the whole system has increased. So, this is a way for a perfect presence to gain intensity, to constantly venture beyond its own borders. I guess this answers my question of life's purpose.

Scanned for some frequencies with my psi field last night. Found two, which stood out. One resonated with the whole aura, another with hypothalamus or a volume around it. In order to receive those frequencies instead of just visualizing and transmitting my perception of them, I had to relax the body (such a relaxation caused a wet dream yet again). Focusing on these frequencies helped heal the body without any fancy constructs or visualizations. Kept re-tuning the reception every now and then, until I fell asleep.

In one of the dreams, I decided to practice levitation. Lifted off. Then fancied turning it into an OBE from inside the dream. While flying through the trees, I somehow changed the form of interaction so that the leaves went straight through the body. The details of the scenery were amazing. However, having flown for some 50 meters or so, I reached an area where I got a warning from the dungeon master. This area was off limits and supposedly dangerous to explore. I was disappointed .. dream ended.

Not hungry..

Haven't been feeling too hungry recently.

Yesterday I ate a little bread, cheese and drank water. Cookies made me feel sick in the stomach.

Today I ate lunch at school (potatoes, fish steaks, cheese cake). Right after that, I started feeling uncomfortable in the stomach area. Observed the discomfort poisoning the mind.

Felt pretty floaty while walking around the room, practising for an upcoming presentation.

Pastlife memories and dejavu:

Watched The life of Pi yesterday. A really inspiring movie. A really inspiring life he had. A few flashbacks from pastlives while watching this film. I have nothing against reincarnation. But then again, I'm not sure whether I would want it again or not.

Went to bed. Since a couple of organs had caught a little cold (the jacket no longer helps against strong wind), I wrapped more blanket around the body. This caused me to move less, which in turn caused me to spend more time in the half-dream state. Woke up pretty tired in the morning. Didn't want to go to the meeting, the body wanted 1 more hour of sleep. Went anyway .. and realized I had come 1 hour early (forgot that the meeting time had been shifted).

Enjoyed the sun shining in through the 3rd eye, while sitting in a classroom. A yawny lecture because it was so hot with the sun shining in like that. While in a sort of half-sleep state during the lecture, I recognized several feelings and images from before this life.

Occasionally glanced at the clock, waiting for the lecture to be over. Noticed the cracked plaster on the wall, right above the door. It popped into my mind that it's gonna fall soon. It crumbled to the floor when a fellow student left for the toilet just a few minutes later.

Later had a deja vu of realizing what the time was and becoming a bit nervous about it. Didn't want to experience that again and told my colleague that I would like to leave soon.

At home, I checked the Paranatural comics for updates. The new panels looked a bit too familiar. Knew what was there and even remembered a few lines. But the odd thing is .. it was posted today morning and I hadn't physically read it yet. The info was in my mind but in a sort of compressed format - not exactly 1:1 but the translation of this package was pretty close to what came by. Perhaps I had seen the content in the dreams or something?
Chapter 4 page 54, comment 26630

Chinese cabbage becomes bitter in oil. Well, the same had happened to sister's salad from yesterday evening. Nevertheless, had to eat what I had piled up on my plate. Something cool happened. The bitter taste localized into a cloud of sorts. I breathed this cloud out through the nose. As a side-effect, the bitter taste was no more. The pieces of cabbage that I swallowed tasted fresh.

Figured I should focus more on the throat chakra. Each time I come from the cold into the warm, a pain shoots through the neck as blood and psi comes forth.

ORMUS v0.01

I guess I've forgotten to mention that Dad attempted to extract ORMUS (thin gold powder) from the mineral water from a small island (Ruhnu water). The water is pretty salty, thick and its smell reminds that of oil.

From a glass of that water, he got a fairly small amount of white powder of some sort. Or more accurately, there's still a mix of two powders or something. One of them looks white with a slight yellow shade to it. The other one also looks white but half-transparent.

Dad believes there's still some Magnesium salts in there.

Should try with the Himalayan salts. Both of them contain sulphur, though .. which might be a bit difficult to wash out.

Inside: negative space?

During a discussion (on the subject of how disease interacts with a person physically as well as spiritually) with Dad and sister, something occurred to me.

In one of the videos, a yogi said that an aura extends beyond the physical bounds of the body, thus it's even more further out, less dense and less significant. That we should look inside, instead. I've also read and heard that the physical world is just a projection of what's inside. How can this be, I've always thought.

Well, it occurred to me that inside might not be inside in the physical sense. For example, when one would take a regular convex lens and project an image on it, then at the other end, the image would be upside down. What if in a similar way, the inside is negative space?

Often yogis have used a film projector as an example of how the mind works. This way, it seems to make sense .. a little.

My own curse

Had a dream, where I couldn't sense psi at first. Started working on energy manipulation and gradually built up on the intensity. Eventually managed to lift off the ground. Worked it even further and flying around started to seem rather effortless. Tried all sorts of fancy stuff - flying with the body tilted 45 degrees, flying feet forward, etc.

The day didn't seem all that great, though. 2 tests / exams and didn't feel all that confident in those. Had spent the week on work, instead of studying for those. It's a weird feeling when everyone is expecting you to score the highest and you know you won't. My own curse .. have treated others the same way for 20 years. Instead of becoming what I used to wish, people see me as what I had wanted to become - also exactly how I've treated others for 20 years.

None of this is actually bad, just the problem is that it makes me feel down and not satisfied with myself or something - because of letting others down. Even when I do score the highest, then that's what makes me feel dissatisfied about myself - as if being arrogant and mocking others or something.

Naruto Shippuuden episode 338 was pretty deep on this subject.

Too relaxed?

The heart chakra has been feeling better recently. However, there's some sort of a pain at the back of the neck. A lot of psi still gets blocked before reaching the head.

Relaxed the body last night, which immediately caused a wet dream.

While meditating, everything started looking golden again .. until I found some sort of a dark filament in the body, from the lower left of the body, through the heart and up to the head. Looked at it and darkness shadowed everything. A tall figure, hanging upside down and looking back at me. Instead of a normal human head, it had something black with a swirl on their face (as if looking at the top of its black-haired head, although I was looking at its face). Attempted the usual procedure of hugging it and expressing love towards it, no matter what it was or what its intentions were. I think eventually I acquired the feeling of it.

Have been feeling slightly tired and demotivated. Difficulties with falling into unconscious dreams real quick.

Drop of fear

A healing attempt at my uncle again.

A dark dream (almost pitch black). There was a group of us in some sort of a dark room .. could barely see the faces. We were all scared of something that we knew was going to arrive soon. With us, there was an illuminati puppet of sorts - a girl under their mind control. We were experimenting with her, observing her behaviour when we showed her different symbols. By looking into her eyes, one could clearly see what was going on inside the mind. Eventually we found several symbols which had been used as triggers.

Woke up and noticed some sort of a presence in the room. The fear was caused by me not knowing who, what or why this being was in my room. Politely asked them to leave. They did, after which, dreams flipped 180 degrees, all of them pretty bright and vivid.

Heart chakra

On Saturday morning, I woke up at 4 AM. Not tired, I practised concentration, watched some meditation- and yoga-related videos, practised concentration again and so on. Went back to sleep at about 9 AM or something.

Have been feeling floaty. Energy is moving around but there's still stress at the heart and throat chakras (which I've been attempting to light up a little more). Camel pose, focus on a green forest and visualizing love, heat and light radiating out to everything.

The old laptop HDD started making some weird noises again. Writing this on the new laptop, which I expect to last longer. The same laptop that I saw in one of my dreams some time ago. A lenovo that took some effort to install linux on it for dual boot.

Criss Angel Believe S01E04 was pretty inspiring .. a lot of levitation. He visualized the effect of paper sticking to fingertips due to static electricity. This helped him pull the person off the ground.

I expected a lot more from The Tomorrow People series. The plot and the characters seem a bit too childish. It also caught my attention that the computers were Lenovo with Microsoft Windows 8.
Actually, the Heroes series seemed to have similar issues.

SG-1 series, however, has acquired a whole different meaning over those years.

Vitamins

Not much new, except for the occasional sensation of weight-reduction. Sometimes while walking up the stairs, I've felt the body become lighter, or my bag become lighter, or both.

Excited about the ordering of a new laptop, there has been some geisting (somehow a change of emotions caused a loud pop in the living-room speakers). Some nervousness as well, though, this kind of a reaction doesn't seem very logical.

The weather had been rather dull for weeks. Preferred sunlight today. Played with the clouds a little, which caused it to rain before the sky cleared up.

A lot of unconscious sleep recently. Was feeling rather tired in the morning, until I took a BelVita cookie, which contains a lot of vitamins. Suddenly felt fresh - was probably missing some vitamins or something.

A few days ago in the dreams, I remember visiting dad's room early in the morning, to check if he was still sleeping. Didn't have the body with me.

Last night in a dream I saw a black cat that I think I knew from somewhere. Stroke the cat and noticed that its reaction was a bit weird - for a second, it panicked but then recognized me. As if it were asleep or something, unaware of my presence before I touched it. We communicated via telepathy.

A pre-dream "chest" exercise popped up a couple of days ago. In my mind, a bottomless (or with a portal on its bottom) chest appeared. Underneath the chest, there was an infinitude of space. The lid, however, always fell shut and it took a considerable amount of effort to keep it open.

Buzz

A busy weekend - another workshop. Insufficient sleep, a lot of tension.

Felt rather tense again last night. When I went to bed, the tension was released and a buzzing sensation appeared. A subtle vibration at the resonant frequencies of the body.

Focused on the buzzing sensation. Started hearing hypnagogic sounds. Consciousness started shifting. At some point, I noticed that the mind had split. I was floating out of body, above me, another part of the mind was dreaming. Didn't want to touch the dreaming mind, nor did I want to move back into the body. Carefully floated off to the side, then touched the floor with my feet. Tried to maintain the vividness of the experience by touching all sorts of objects in the room. Strange, but I found the room door to be open (always close it before going to sleep). Walked around the apartment, came back into my room and started thinking of what it was that I had wanted to do.

Right - wanted to go out, fly into space and visit the Moon. Floated up to the balcony window, changed shape to fit through and took off. Bam, unconscious. Apparently, a half of my conscious mind considered glass as solid and got stuck behind the glass. Another half of my conscious mind moved through the glass, to the other side. The consciousness lost its "critical mass".

At the middle of night, I noticed seeing some very heavily symbolistic stuff. Woke up at 5:55 AM to find the blanket cast aside, body cold. Focused on the buzzing again to fix the organs .. too tired to maintain the focus.

It seems that with proper focus, this buzzing sensation allows for recovering the whole body from any illnesses.

Subtle

Let myself be inspired by Stargate SG-1. Seeking for universal wisdom.

Have learned a lot during the past week or so. It's a bit too subtle to list in a blog, though.


Pk-related:
Sometimes psi in the body has become in resonance with the room (focus on space), with light (focus on a field of photons).

Yesterday at the department store, dad and I were thinking of buying potatoes. Behind our back, a cabbage hopped off the counter. So we bought that cabbage as well.

Several days ago, there was a storm. Found wind very responsive to redirection via pk.


Varia:
New inverter and inverter cable arrived. Replaced the old ones, but it seems the real problem with backlight is most likely in the LCD. Wouldn't want to buy a new LCD, though. Let's see.

I want OBE

Had a chat with Hyena a couple of days ago. He had some pretty cool lucid dreams and OBEs to share. Having experienced sleep paralysis, he took his sword with him to his dreams. The sword helped him regain lucidity whenever he sensed it slipping.

Envy: "That does it. I want OBE." .. and started pushing it. While at it, I found something I had been missing for a long time. Wobbling the psi field every now and then makes me feel a lot better.

Realized that one of the biggest fears I had was of geisting. Without realizing it myself, I've fled instead of facing it or even embracing it. A simple thought of "can't afford geisting" is enough to hamper progress.

Also, with the artificially increased psi density, evening pranayama felt a lot better than it did before.

Kept wobbling the psi until the body and mind fell asleep. Tripped on the edge of sleep and found the stage where I would hear hypnagogic sounds (people talking, moving around, opening, closing doors). Whut? *looks at the door*, the door looks open. Realized I was not in the body; popped back.

Had a dream, where a group of us were given the task to write essays or something. Actually, we were given just a few hours to do it (in addition to all the homework on other subjects). Found an exciting book on teacher's desk. Asked if I could borrow it for inspiration (an old plain thin paper-back on some declassified tech from the 21st century, with schematics, CAD drawings and all). She told me I had already borrowed one book and only one is allowed at a time. I could vaguely recall having borrowed some book before. She told I probably wouldn't bother myself trying too hard to remember it, since it had been a pretty long time ago. Next up was a history lesson. Had difficulties finding that classroom at first.

Blockage in the chest

Have been sleeping a lot lately, and still feeling tired.

While chatting with Hyena today, it happened again that I sensed the channels in the chest shrinking. Self-confidence was dropping, the ability to think clearly slowly faded.

It's a reflex that gets triggered when I detect too much focus on my ego. It shuts down the psi channels to avoid causing harm. Closing the valves while there's a lot of psi flowing, puts a lot of pressure on the valves - which causes pain in the chest. Also, due to a lack of psi after this reflex has done its job, an area in the chest becomes cold. It becomes so sensitive to cold that it makes lungs sensitive to pneumonia, causes heart to go out of rhythm at times and so on. Very unhealthy .. sometimes makes me wonder how this body is still alive after all that tension I've put it through.

While walking home, I focused on the chest, mentally asking what was the problem there. This alleviated the problem a little. Though, still, the tension skyrockets while discussing the weird stuff with skeptical people. This could cause loss of words, cold sweat, pretty heavy shivering. Posting on this blog has a similar effect, just not as intense.

Very unhealthy for the body. Really want to get over this.

Uh, dreams

Aunt visited us yesterday. Aunt and dad had a discussion on uncle's tumor.

Had a dream, where dad and I sat in a car. He was driving .. I didn't know he had a driving license. Anyway, we arrived at uncle's funeral. Aunt was already there.

Another dream. Found myself in Narva and had to get back to Tartu. Asked some people on the street with my crappy Russian language skills. They showed me the way. It seems there was a psychic shield that protected the rest of Estonia. Narva was only partially covered. Had to find a way through the shield and back to the hometown. Spotted another guy on the street, asked him for some advice on how to enter the bubble .. end of the dream, woke up.

None of these dreams were vivid, more like just symbols and images.

Dream: new apartment

Dad had somehow gotten a new apartment, which looked rather similar. Sister and Mom were there as well. I didn't know where it was or how to get there .. I had always been summoned or teleported there.

After discussing something with some friends, I was about to open the door for them to leave, when I noticed that the door was sealed with wallpaper. Me: "WTF? Why?" Broke the wallpaper seal and still opened the door to let the guests out. Strangely enough, the balcony had also been sealed. Sister said it was for security considerations of some sort. I didn't get it, since paper or textile wouldn't protect much anyway.

Dad was pretty enthusiastic about this new apartment. He looked as if he had a lot of money to work on the interior and technology. I knew I didn't.

Since I had not been outside yet, I went for a stroll. Found a cheap grocery store close by. It was also rather close to some old town with a lot of amazing museums of various kind (several seemed mining-related). Pretty houses with flowers hanging from the balconies. Continued in some random direction. Higher and more plain-looking buildings. A small house with a garden and a fireplace or something .. a dark-skinned family lived there and a lot of children were playing in the garden. Continued walking. Figured I should probably go back, otherwise I might just become lost in this foreign place. Arrived at the garden with the kids playing.

I guess I recognized that the dark-skinned man next to the fireplace (he was chopping firewood) was interested in pk and yoga stuff. Walked past a little bit closer to look at what he was doing. It looked as if there was a lot of weird in his chopping of firewood (didn't quite make sense to my mind).

I had the impression that everyone has their own path and that they're experiencing what's needed for their lesson of life to be the most fruitful. Since everyone has their own path, then it would be logical to assume that everyone is learning different things for the whole.

He saw himself in me. He said he has been me, that he has experienced everything I have experienced. Not quite sure whether he was talking about himself or not (it was as if he spoke about himself but from a 3rd person perspective or something). Anyway, he said something along the lines of "I can dodge missiles and ... . How dedicated are you to your practices?"

Dream ended at 6 AM. Tried hard to continue dreaming .. didn't work.

While thinking about the dream at a lecture today, I found a blockage (a small root of fear) from the chest area. This is what has caused the lungs, throat and head to be malnourished with prana.

Space and water

Have been focusing on the air and water around me for the past couple of days. Have also been trying to improve the focus on unconditional love.

Before sleep yesterday I let the mind become immersed in a forest near the summerhouse. Then tried to grasp the essence of a juniper. Pictured myself at a field of junipers, which is somewhere in the forest at the summerhouse. Pictured myself hugging the juniper, pictured being it. When I felt it being enough, I started moving the essence of juniper around within the body. This helped to clean the body.

Even though I hadn't had enough sleep, I felt rather fresh in the morning. Found that at the crown, as well as anywhere in the body, there was a nice soothing calm and lovely feeling. This feeling is there, no matter if I'm happy with myself or not .. it's unconditional. With it there's a faint light.

Practised focus on the surrounding space in the morning. It was windy and raining when I came back home. Practised focus on the surrounding space and water.

Watched a couple of Criss Angel Believe episodes.

Inflating awareness

Opened "The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep" by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche from a random page. It was the "Sleep yoga" chapter which I had not read before but found familiar. Recognized the emptiness and calmness as well as the spontaneous moments of clarity during the sleep. An Aha moment when suddenly yoga started making a lot more sense.

Before bed, I practised focus on everything constant. There is this certain emptiness and calmness in each and every piece of furniture as well as all the wind, trees, grass blades and water outside. Focused on that, trying to grasp it.

Every now and then focus wandered and thoughts appeared. Observed what could be seen from between the thoughts. Even if there are a lot of thoughts obstructing the view directly, there are always gaps between the thoughts, during which one can see what is beyond. Thus it is still possible for the mind to put the picture together by keeping the focus on what shines through from these gaps and then just do it long enough so that all the pieces are gathered.

Approached it in two more ways. Occasionally I focused on my breathing, but in such a way that I would sense and hear it from a distance - to force myself to observe the body breathing, not me doing the breathing. For a few times I deliberately thought of or visualized a feeling or an object, after which I sharply cut the visualization to focus on the moment of emptiness that would be there shortly after the thought or visualization.

It did not take long before I could keep focus on the emptiness and all encompassing love (which shines through the emptiness on its own) for seconds. When I eventually stretched it into about 10 seconds, something cool happened.

I could hear the body breathe in the distance. Consciousness was moving farther from the body,  while at the same time, it was growing larger .. as if being inflated. After having become 2 or 3 times larger, it 'popped' into shape. A good old familiar feeling of presence, which I had forgotten. Due to some sort of insecurities, I had somehow been drawn inside and compressed into a smaller form.

After about 2 hours of this practice, I felt fully energized. Well, since it was about 1 AM, I turned around and fell asleep.

Very familiar floaty feeling since last night. Some mild geisting (lights flickering, about 20 meters from me, a plastic bottle fell on its own).

Paperbend

Had been feeling rather tired for the last few days. Took a daily nap, while trying to maintain focus on the crown. A few hours after the nap, some psi channels became unclogged. A lot of motivational content for the rest of the day.

Owltwelve posted on his latest levitation and teleportation progress. Can't express all my excitement.

Found this blog: http://www.teleportation-101.blogspot.com/
Really inspiring posts.
Edit: a youtube playlist of a teleportation seminar.

It's been a while since I last directly trained pk. Took a random piece of paper on the table and balanced it in such a way that a part of the paper would hang in the air off the edge of the table. Lifted the edge of the paper, then bent it downwards several times, but didn't manage to make it fall off the table. Targeted an old printer fan on the other table. Wanted to have it spin, but it just twitched on the table, making snapping sounds. Pk training is very good for focus practice.

Disassembled, cleaned and reassembled the laptop today morning. The inverter is still busted, though. Well, at least, found out what was wrong with bluetooth. The antenna coax had been ripped off with a piece of copper from the PCB. No clue as to how that could've happened. So, the cable has been dangling around on the motherboard for years, possibly causing short-circuits here and there.

Jolt of consciousness

During the routine in-bed meditation before sleep, I experienced 2 more jolts of consciousness / sensations of space-time warping within. The first one was smaller. The second one, however, was so intense that it startled me a little .. while meditating on the psi pulsing in the central channel, I lost track of space and time for a moment. Came back, verified the surroundings and checked the time. Wouldn't want to end up in a random place at a random time without the ability to find the way back.

Cookies in the oven

In general, I've been pretty happy today.

While walking home, I tried to keep focus on the light that permeates all. Noticed that I can't see the light in the distance, just near me. Remembered that was also the case a couple of years ago. So, perhaps this light does not originate from the outside at all? Looked at my hand and found it to be faintly glowing this light. Noticed the tendency to think of what the experience was like two years ago. Mind wandered a bit too close to this old tendency .. instant darkness, no self-confidence, no signs of progress. Tried to climb out again.. "No, I'll not become what I used to be. I'll go far beyond that."

Being hungry, I visited the department store, cooked something nice, sat at the laptop while chewing and bit my tongue 2 times. Wasn't happy about that.

If you're trying to change you, incorporate this change into every aspect of your life. This way there's less chance of the mind clinging to old habits and slipping back. Don't let it slip .. the previous you is not you anymore.

This change has propagated into the dreams and helped me there as well. Previously there used to be wet dreams; moments when I was not aware enough to maintain the cultivated energy. More recently, there have been numerous tantra success events .. focusing real hard on a pre-chosen point when a wet dream is about to happen, which redirects the energy so that it is not lost. A few nights ago, I thought it was not as successful - I was tired within the dream and a bit late with this reflex of focusing on the crown. On the other hand, this allowed me to experience the whole process step by step. Previously I had thought the wet dream would start from the mind and then propagate to the body, after which there's no holding back anymore. However, the redirection of the fluids into the nerve system is more physical and more literal than I used to think. Also, it seems that this sharp focus more like teleports the fluids up to the crown, rather than causing them to propagate up the spine and through the brain. This also caused some confusion earlier.

In one of the recent dreams, I had gotten a new body. Met a couple of friends, who wanted to test it out. I was busy doing something, while they dragged out a howitzer and started firing at me. Didn't pay much attention to them at first. Finished what I had been doing and told them that it probably wasn't a very good idea. Should have the body gradually become used to it. They let me go and I was relieved. By that time, they had fired 5 shots, all of which had barely missed.

In another dream, I tried to move like Boston Dynamics Wildcat. Got to go pretty fast, but while at it, I guess the dream body shapeshifted. When I stopped and opened the door at the summerhouse, I found myself in a human body without clothes.

Yesterday evening there was a large jolt of consciousness within the physical body. Jolts this large have been pretty rare so far.

UFO swarm dream

For most of the night, I was observing the sky from the balcony in the dreams. A lot of UFOs and some conventional aerial vehicles flying around. A helicopter staring at me recording it on camera .. a few jets flying after some UFOs. Several crafts that were clearly man-made, but I hadn't seen them before. A lot of various sorts of alien crafts as well. Some of those were stationary for a long time, easily mistaken for stars.

In the meantime, I practised pk for playing with gravity .. walking on the walls and ceiling. Also in the dreams.

Dreams dreams

A cool dream of flying a couple of nights ago. Flew through the kitchen window and over the street. It was very early in the morning, but after a while, I found some people on the streets. Pretty sunrise lit the streets.

Father had seen a dream, where he visited one of those No-Stars, which we observed here: http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/09/thats-no-star.html

He remembered having discussed something important with these guys, but couldn't recall anything from the discussion.

Yesterday I came home, thought I felt hungry. Ate some.

From the dreams, I remember visiting a restaurant, came in from the side (there was a door towards a lovely view to a lake). The walls had large windows or were made of glass, with some pillars between the large panels of glass. It was an early morning with a nice sunrise. There was someone working at the restaurant this early. Right after me, a small duck stepped in through the door. It came to me, asking for food. The restaurant staff had occasionally given the duck something to eat. That someone, who was working early, said the duck was spoilt and has an infinite appetite.

Woke up at the middle of the night when the herring was busy in the pipeline of digestion. Practised some visualization enhanced digestion. The effect was immediate with feedback from the body.

Focused on the CFL hanging from the ceiling, trying to light it up with pk. A brighter spot appeared for a moment, then disappeared again.

In another dream, which I had last night, I met grandfather again. In the dreams, he's always happy and has a good health. He had bought land at a nice place and built a small hut to live in. Had been planning to buy a piece of land somewhere around there as well. However, I had considered it too expensive. Perhaps could also afford just a small hut not much larger than the room in this apartment.

Late for school

Watched some soothing videos of guru talks last night.

In the dreams, I found myself far away again .. but needed to be back for school. Had a meeting there + 2 lectures. I was already 15 minutes late and the bus was still driving towards the town. Right when I had thought I was running late, the bus sped up. Subconscious was the driver and the bus. I don't think there was anyone else on the bus.

The terrain was flooded, roads were cracked .. there were even deep pits on the way. As the bus sped up, it flew over these cracks and pits, it drove over the floods. Even though I saw the road conditions and it looked pretty dangerous, it didn't seem to have affected me, the bus, nor the driver.

Arrived late. It did not look like school at all. There was water everywhere, it looked as if nobody had been there for centuries. I was that late.

This place where I was, looked like a tower on wheels with spiral stairs. As I walked up the stairs, the wheels started rotating .. the whole thing rotated. Some mild dizziness. As it rotated, I looked back towards the ground, which was covered in rocks and boulders. Along these, there were shards of stones with ancient writings extruded from their surface. I was happy and excited. This is the true school.

Strings of subtle energies

Remembered more from last night.

At some point I focused on a point at the tip of the nose. A moment later, I became aware of long thin strings carrying some sort of subtle energy throughout the body. Although they looked as thin as a piece of hair, they were amazingly strong.

Also, somewhere in the dream I sat at a table. There were 4 people around the table, none of whom I knew. The man in front of me recognized my interest in psychokinesis. He said: "Look," took out a coin and a metal plate. He levitated both of them about 4 mm above the surface of the table and accelerated the coin so that it shot off the table and flew under another table to my left. I was amazed, but implied that I can't do that.

Should perhaps practice pk again some day.

Machine oil ant

A couple of days ago I dreamed of ants. One of them had formed some sort of symbiosis with a small bottle of machine oil. It had grown larger and it was interested in becoming a parasite of mine. I just carefully stepped away, while still observing the ant and its life. It had become dependant on this oil, which yielded power but made it anxious without it realizing this by itself. Eventually it morphed into something like a moth, but it couldn't fly because of the heavy bottle of oil. Eventually I just grew bored of it, closed the door and continued with something more exciting.

Have been focusing on the crown again recently .. still seems a little easier for me to do than focusing on breath.

A couple of days ago, there was a dream, which might have easily become a tantra fail. Just before this happened, I quickly moved focus into the crown and made it as sharp as I could, which quickly brought the energy up the spine.

Thanks to some focus, the dark veil has also lifted a little. Some of it is still there, but I can see the light more easily again.

Last night I fell asleep, semi-focused on the crown. A moment of becoming aware that I had fallen asleep. Opened the eyes to check the clock projection on the ceiling. Realized I had somewhat lost my identity. I just was, glancing at the clock.

Dreams were rather vivid as well. Uh .. deja vu. Went to Finland to meet Mom there and go somewhere else. Met a lot of nice people on the way. Saw an old teammate or colleague, greeted him. He asked me: "You're back?" Me: "Yeah" (+ a lot of info that was not conveyed in words).

Arrived at someplace .. perhaps back at the airport, where I still had to wait for Mom to arrive. A friend noticed that I had a new laptop, he asked what happened and whether the old one was still working. Somehow implied that I got it without having to pay for it myself much (work laptop). The old one was still working, but the screen backlight was malfunct and case was crumbling.

Checked some exciting info, which used to be merely conspiracy theories but was now public. A whole lot of data on military experiments in electromagnetism, quantum mechanics. Mom arrived and we were about to go .. wrapped things up and woke up.

Today I found a few nice web pages for the quantum computers and quantum cryptography course. A lot of questions to the good old professor. Saw a colleague after a while .. he had been ill. He had a new laptop, which looked strikingly similar to the one in the dream. Asked him what had happened to his previous one and whether it was still working or not (a 7 years old classic). He described all the problems he had with the previous one (different from those in the dream - which were the problems with my current laptop). Shortly after, he rushed away.

Tag game of consciousness

One of the dreams featured an interesting game. Kind of like the game of tag, but with group consciousness. We would move around and tag each other by exchanging consciousness (similar to switching bodies, but not quite).

Really good music for meditation, though, causes me to feel vertigo:

Uncle's brain tumor has suddenly started spreading .. they don't expect more than half a year.

Silence

Oh boy, haven't felt like posting for a while. Still work, school, conspiracy theories, alternative technology, enlightenment related practises. I've just lost the motivation to post again..

Focus on the subtle energies causes objects snapping as well as flashes of light. A few days ago I had eaten late and stomach felt at unease. In the mind's eye, everything looked dark and cloudy. Observed it intently, while suddenly a flash of light appeared and a bright orb rocketed out of the stomach, flew over my head towards the other room. The dark and cloudy atmosphere was gone.

I've been glancing at the light of the infinitude again every now and then.

A couple of days ago, I woke up and did just that .. sky cleared up and a helicopter appeared. It circled around the building for about 2 or 3 times. Took my camera, went out on the balcony and started recording it (with extra crappy quality). It then descended rather low above the neighbouring buildings, made a 180 degree turn and flew away, shadowed by the buildings. Helicopters and planes are pretty casual here, since there's an aviation school nearby. However, I don't think I've seen one circle around the building that often. Nah, might be some geologists mapping the town or something.

Later I felt a bit unnerved for some reason (too little sleep as well). Laid down to take a nap. A sharp sensation of having something injected into the chin. As it propagated throughout the body, everything started feeling soft and calm. I wonder if incidents like this have caused the paranoia and mind-fights against syringes and other sharp objects. Usually I visualize the sharp objects curl away into spirals and then dissolve into pure energy.

Today morning, somehow the wind did not seem natural. Not sure what that's about.

Stared at the sky and clouds last night, stared at the trees swaying today, saw the light and peace again for short intervals of time. The bindu point on top of the head ached a little.

Practising concentration each night before sleep again. I've found it difficult to maintain focus .. keep falling asleep. Well, it was this way several years ago as also.

A few days ago I also rediscovered the perfect mixture (a balance of energies within the self). This time it did not seem to be worth as much as it was the previous time I had found it.

That's no star

Looked out of the balcony window last night. A star?
Put on my glasses. That's no star. Dad: No, a star it definitely is not.

I've been taught that some stars pulsate, change their color and stuff. However, this one was not circular. It was a short horizontal stripe, on which, red, white and blue dots pulsated. Occasionally, these dots or point-sources became rather bright. The thing seemed stationary and moved along with the stars, as Earth rotated.

Around this horizontal stripe, there was a constellation of dim dots, which every now and then became brighter (5 or 6 dots all at once).

Suspected that there were 2 of these things. The other one might have been a star + some fancy imagination there. Cause I think I saw an object fly towards this short stripe. This object did not have the blinking lights that planes usually have. Also, I think I saw the dot and the short stripe emit short rays occasionally (faded not far from the objects).

Couldn't find my Galileoscope, though.

Figured that these things might have been there for a long time already, I guess I've seen them there before, thinking it's strange for a star to shine alternating colors that bright. So, chances are there's still months, if not years for me to find that Galileoscope or to buy a telescope to look at them. Went to bed. Rough night.

Have had friends claim they saw UFOs and stuff. I've always said "well .. I don't think I've seen any yet". Would be ironic if it turned out that I've been seeing them for years now, without even realizing.

Filling the gaps

Those Billy Meier tapes are really good. Especially the tapes on spiritual development and meditation filled in a lot of gaps in my understanding of things. I've experimented a lot with various perspectives on things .. several of which have caused stagnation instead of favoring development.

Here's what I used to think and how I understood the content of the tapes:

1. Development is circular and works in cycles, thus leading nowhere.
   > It's not. With each cycle, the development is brought to a whole new level. Nothing is lost on the way. Each new universe benefits from the wisdom that other universes have developed. It's similar to how Naruto's clones work. All clones look the same, but each one gains their own experience and wisdom, contributing to the experience and wisdom of Naruto. The next clones would already have the knowledge gained with the help of the previous ones.
2. Assuming the previous point, spiritual development should be effortless, since we're already perfect.
   > Everything is perfect as it is, but it will always evolve further. It's up to us, how we do that. There really is no spiritual development when there is no effort to evolve further.
3. There must be at least some truth to Christian God. So, if one lives a miserable life, it must balance itself out eventually.
   > We are responsible for creating a balance in our lives. If we let someone do something bad to us, then we are to blame. There are higher beings out there, who may or may not take action .. but this really isn't their responsibility to constantly take care of us. In other words, there is no baby-sitting.
4. What's the point of meditation?
   > The point is to let the spirit observe as much as possible so that it grows and gains wisdom.
5. Why is psychokinesis usually not considered a path of enlightenment?
   > If we try to affect what we observe, then we're altering the info - which means we get the tampered, not original info.
6. How could meditation ever be harmful?
   > The more we become in touch with the spirit, the more our thoughts, emotions, acts also affect the spirit. All connections are two-fold and bidirectional.
7. What is this yellow and / or white light that tends to become visible after meditation?
   > So-called Sohar light from the spiritual plane.
8. A lot more..

Dreamramblings

Practised concentration by focusing on the breath before sleep. At some point, I was awoken by someone pinching the little toe of my right foot (non-physical). Argh, oh, right .. ::draws focus back onto breathing::.

Suddenly sensed how prana spiralled through the right half of the head. Got to draw that sometime.

Had a presentation today, witnessed an orb. Later someone asked me what I had been looking at. "Uh .. air, I guess". Someone else: "Btw, I love to stare into the void, trying to spot high energy particles." ::me scratches head::

A lot of awkward dreams recently. All of them had a gloomy-cloudy feel to them.

At the summerhouse. Aunt had left a neatly laid table with potatoes, pieces of cake outside. On first glance, it looked delicious. Asked aunt about it. It was not for me, it was for the Creation. Looked at it again saw that it was rotting, covered in green moss and bugs. Experienced the same thing twice.

Indoors, aunt's son was unhappy, because he could not recognize his mother. She was different. For some reason, aunt was away for a day or two, so I had somehow brought her forward from the past. She was younger but there was a lot of wisdom in her, which I had not recognized earlier.

Cows were in an electrified fence. Attempted to walk past them, but happened to glance at one of them. They moved around and tipped the fence posts. Apparently, the fence was not electrified and the fence posts barely even stayed in place .. so I couldn't undo it, couldn't put it back. Thought: "Oh my, aunt's gonna be angry with me." Aunt came there to help calm the cows. She didn't have anything but love and peace in her mind, not a single thought or emotion.

Back at home, I saw dad and had a vision of a guy in India digging a square hole in the ground with level floor. In there, he made a hollow square of hay bales, on which he slept. Understood the symbol. Then, gradually, the hay bales transformed into blocks of stone or glass wool with holes for windows and doors. Next, I saw dad sewing the wool in the living room, with the dust piling up on the door glass. I found the dust environment a bit unhealthy.

There were two of us someplace unknown. It was some sort of a store, or, two stores .. one at the back of another. We were really late and it was closed already. The salesperson appeared, really worn out and tired. I guess the other person who was with me, bought something from one of the stores, while out of curiosity, I wandered into the second store behind the corner. The selection looked a bit better there, but otherwise there was no difference. The same salesperson came there and bought something from there. On my leave, I found myself in a corridor packed with a lot of people. A man from India looked at me and wanted to know where I was headed and what I was looking for. He expressed that my internal heat was giving him burns. I was unaware of where I was headed or what I was looking for. I just said "I'm sorry" and left, in order not to burn him any longer.

Had produced a lot of sweat while asleep.

Btw, while coming home today, I found delicious-looking apples at the roadside. Took one, but before biting it, I decided to put it back again. These probably were not for me.

Recently, dad has started to think seriously about Margaret's suggestion for him to visit India sometime .. to see the world and people.

Random bits and pieces

I sometimes find it strange that usually not much happens when I produce a thought. However, when I say it out or act on it, then teachings start pouring in. Within minutes, I'm shown how immature it was for me to say that or act that way. Also, this usually comes from whoever is around me, without them actually realizing it themselves. Sometimes it's just images, realizations that pop into mind.

Need to meditate a lot more. Sometimes it happens that there's a rather strong stream of psi through the central channel, up to the head. When I directed the stream onto the pineal gland yesterday, the front half of it hurt.. calcified?


Have been listening to a lot of Billy Meier's stories. For some reason, about 2/3 of them no longer play on u-tube. Torrent helps :)

Interesting that his photo of the Universe barrier is claimed to have appeared on the front pages of several magazines. However, this photo is nowhere to be found on the web. There is just one page, which mentions it and provides links to pages of a painting that had appeared 1-2 years later. Moreover, none of the links work.
http://www25.brinkster.com/chancede/barrier.html


Found several queer blogs recently. A lot of what's there seems to be far fetched and some of it doesn't look too credible. But even if it's fiction, it's rather thought-provoking and encourages people to seek their own truth, rather than buying in what the mainstream media says .. and that's always a good thing.
http://formerwhitehat.wordpress.com
http://theidylwildgroup.wordpress.com/
http://rusirius1111.wordpress.com/
http://anyaisachannel.blogspot.com/

Cough

A humble cough .. car alarm goes off. The car was 15 - 20 meters from me.

Sometimes I've checked whether or not something resonates with me. I would generate an environment in the mind to see if the mind becomes hooked to it, causing a thought to form. It's almost as if poking myself and realizing that this me there is numb to it .. doesn't even react.

While walking home, the weather looked sunny but there was a rather strong wind against me .. it was cold. Around me there was no twitch from the trees. Well, I've seen that before. Just walked without thoughts, then asked myself in the mind: "Why am I feeling cold?" Then suddenly, the wind stopped, it became warm and eventually I even had to peel some clothes off.

Me cry rivers

Took a nap. In the mind's eye, something portal-like appeared above the body, shining on it. It lead somewhere into the astral. Widened it a little and tried to maintain it for as long as I could. It was warm, blissful and helped to heal the old scars of pneumonia.

It's pretty common to hear all sorts of voices at the hypnagogic stages. However, one of them stood out. Someone asked me if I wanted something to eat. I implied: "No, thank you," without actually saying anything. It was the way they asked this, which made it special.

Remembered that in the evening, when I found I had barely eaten anything today and went into the kitchen to make something to eat.

Some of you may know the feeling when Mom has prepared delicious dinner. She would ask children to dinner. She would love the children no matter what they thought about themselves, no matter what they did. No prejudices, no second thoughts, nothing, just .. pure love. Well, grandma is like that. One week of summer holiday was a bit too short to visit her. Just one week of holiday (out of town, somewhere in the nature) for several years really packs a punch, though.

Anyway, remembered the feeling from that daily nap and when I noticed the contrast of how that someone saw me and how I saw myself, tears started flying.

I always think I'm a macho with superpowers or something, who wouldn't have to eat, sleep, who would never become ill, who would only die at will, who doesn't need anyone to care about him nor anyone to love him, who can live alone for several lifetimes, who would always be perfect and never make any mistakes... this list could go on for eternity. Since I haven't been able to fulfill most of these in the list, I haven't been exactly proud of myself. I have even become blind to everything else.

So, there's the contrast. Someone offering something for me to eat out of sincere love. I see myself as a scum not worthy of food. I thought I had already overcome this issue .. so, in a way, this would only prove that I'm even less use to myself than I used to think. This is the problem that I was born with, the problem that I've tried to overcome in so many ways, all of which have been temporary so far. I even know the solution, but haven't been able to do it yet. I need to develop unconditional love towards myself. The problem is that's an effect, not a cause. Resolving the effect only has a temporary effect. Somewhere within there's the cause, which I'll have to find and sort out.

From one of those discussions within the mind:
- Someone: Live your own teachings

Upside-down room

I don't think that's psi-vamps. That's pneumonia, which is apparently still there, hiding. The fruit of several years of tension in the chest area.

I guess I realized the connection between the body-shape meditation and spreading the energy evenly throughout the body. A few days ago I did that a bit sloppy.

When I would become tensed up, I should not fight it. I should not try to be calm or whatever. Instead, the whole body should tense up .. it should resonate throughout the body. Otherwise it would cause contrasts and tension. One does not make themselves calm, one either is calm or is not. It's an effect, not a cause and thus, it's not worth the effort. Somehow this is a point that I've realized several times each year and forgotten again in the meantime. Doesn't matter .. I improve =)

A very simple realization, but occurred to me fairly recently.
One would see things for what they really are, only when they love things the way they are.

Had an idea for healing, which I haven't tried yet. The idea is to personify a problem (to convert it into a thought-form) and then discuss the matter with them.

Stumbled on something amazing at the central square today. There were containers of art, one of which was an upside down room, fully furnished. It was a pretty surreal feeling in there. Clothes hanged upside down, there was a desk with a lot of papers on it and a match-stick building .. even a coffee cup 3/4 full of coffee (upside down, of course). Also, all the photos and paintings on the walls had water reflections so that they "looked upright", but actually it was just the reflection that was upright. Noticed that the floor did not feel as a floor in there. Well, it was covered in sand, but still there was a really awkward feeling about it. As if the floor or something underneath it was moving all the time. Hmm .. the container was right next to the spot of a medieval well. Anyway, it was an inspiring experience to spend a few minutes in an upside-down room.

900 - something's not right

Felt good, warm and a little floaty of psi.

Had a Skype chat with Mom and then a colleague. She proposed to organize a visit to Spain for me next summer. Suddenly, the body started feeling hungry, tired, started producing cold sweat, twitching and shivering all over. Psi gone. Exactly like I've experienced before, when discussing stuff with some specific sort of people. Psi-vamps? What the heck..

It has been a while since the last time this happened. Though, this time the contrast was so clear.

Messed dreams

Listened to some of the awesome stories of Billy Meier last night. Found his experience in hyperspace very similar to my closest experience to Samadhi so far.

Vivid but very strange dreams. Although I knew it was a dream, I had a lot of trouble waking up at will .. somehow it took so much more effort and the process of waking up was incredibly slow (as if farther away than I thought I was).

Although I had something that seemed similar to the physical body, I moved around without physical limitations.

While in the kitchen, I noticed that the apartment block building at the left (towards South) had some weird expansion towards the West. This hanged over the asphalt road. It looked fake. Thought "What the heck" and tipped the building over with pk. With its weight out of balance, it crashed down onto the street. Startled that it manifested right away, I attempted to undo it again. This took a lot more effort.

Had been busy with something in my room, so I returned there. From the balcony window I noticed something awkward about one apartment on a building to the North-East. There had been an explosion or a fire or something. It was on the top floor, the closest balcony to our building. Ah, remembered using a laser thermometer to measure the temperature in there (got 600 *C). There were a couple of flags on that balcony and indoors, the walls were all covered in slightly scorched map. Paint had come off from wherever there were cities or towns on the map. For some reason, it felt like a place, where some sort of spies would keep an eye on people or something.

Too much conspiracy theories, I guess .. :)

Had some other dreams as well, which were so abstract that the physical mind couldn't grasp it.

Non-literal reading

It was about a week ago while I was taking a shower that I sought for a shower gel. There was a big bottle, with a shape that has usually contained shampoo. At first glance, I thought it was the same bottle, refilled with shower gel. Used that. Then I checked the label and read "shower gel or something", which confirmed the hunch. Several days later dad mentioned that he had refilled the bottle with shower gel. I said "Thanks, noticed already". Yesterday, when I read the label on that bottle filled with shower gel, it said "some cleansing gel for hair of sorts". I wonder where I had read that it was shower gel. In other words, from the label on bottle, I read what was in the bottle, not what was actually written on the label.

Balancing channels

Edit: Those few nights ago I used to try and force all that energy upwards from the abdomen and lower-body. Tried it with mere force, as well as by focusing on a point so intensely that it would suck all the energy there. Still, whenever my focus started to wander during the night, all the energy fell down again and I had a wet dream.

This probably wouldn't happen if the energy is stuffed into the central channel.

Pranayama to maintain balance of the channels and focus on the central channel to bring prana there.
I wonder how I've even managed to forget it. Probably did something, without feeling it through well enough. Anyway, I improve.

This is a good chapter on Tummo practice:
http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/ettt/ettt14.htm

Gotta think positive

Next night after the mainstream dream, I had the coolest dream so far. Was a lot younger and spent several years practising pk together with a friend. The guy I had been observing / training in, was a little bit nervous about his first day at school. However, when the teacher asked him something math or language, he didn't have any problems. History, however, mind-boggled the teacher. This guy would effortlessly remote view the places and situations that were asked.

Suddenly a wave of heat shot upwards and caused a tantra fail, though. Which meant I had to wake up earlier, caused me to feel more tired.

Those dreams, however, inspired me to think a bit different. Whatever would happen, I should just think "I improve". This would both alleviate arrogance, leave behind the limits of perfectionism and help over the mind-block of seeing myself as weak.

Next night, I guess the dreams were pretty abstract (work, school related). Suddenly, another tantra fail. Felt pretty hungry, exhausted today. I improve.

Took a 2.5 hours nap. First saw white smoke, then a dream, which involved being in a totalitarian system, where pretty much the whole world looked as if faked for the people. A nice sunset, after which it became pitch black for a long time. A shark. A haunted boat on which the sailor had decided to give up everything .. took drugs and prepared to die. Still felt exhausted after the nap.

Mainstream dream

A lot of cars of various sorts. A lot of babes later.

I was confused. A very unusual dream, for me, at least.

Most of the psi is in the lower chakras again, for some reason.

Empathy - a weakness?

Yesterday I posted on the forum that luckily I rarely unleash my emotions on people. I'm not very emotional, nor do I expose my emotions much.

While googling around for Hendershot generator and the unpolar caps needed, I stumbled upon a random forum where one guy asked where one could buy those. A bunch of other guys basically mocked him (some of whom looked like forum admins or something). Then another guy appeared on the forum and said "don't pay attention to them," in a rude way. The leader of the mockery guys threatened this newcomer. Didn't pay that much attention to it at first. However, after I had left the forum, I noticed something interesting.

I felt having associated myself to the leader of the mockery guys and felt displeased at myself for having mocked this guy. So, just reading one topic in a forum had a remarkable effect on my karma. How can such a small thing have such an effect, even if it has nothing to do with me? I'm not even a member on that forum, nor do I know any of the members there. It seems just .. weird. Isn't this a weakness?

Dreams: psi-quake arena and flood

Before falling asleep, I found light shining from within me. Moved towards the center and stared at it until I no longer saw it .. I guess the mind's eye got blinded or something.

A boringly typical old dream. A survival arena for practising psychokinesis on NPCs. Me: "Ah, not again. I've played this one through for more than 5 times already." A little unsure whether or not I was still in shape, I just worked my way through it again. Usually these "games" involve climbing around, hiding from, killing some sort of monsters.

I guess I left the game, teleported somewhere or something transformed .. don't know. Anyway, I found myself in a large apartment room with minimal furniture (perhaps just a table at the window, with most of the room empty). The room had calming green wallpaper, white ceiling and a bright gray floor (possibly a carpet). There were at least 4 of us playing. The others were still "away, fighting". These games were known to drain one's energy a lot. Friends kept dropping on the floor out of exhaustion, while I was no longer affected. I could see what was going on in their minds while they were "fighting" in that virtual reality. Saw the constructs they used, their physical and mental state, etc. just by looking at them.

Noticed some rather strange clouds outside the window. These clouds had gone past us, while we were "playing" or "fighting" or whatever this activity was. Dark clouds - looked like lightning clouds, except for the violet-pink plasma vortexes/waves that moved with it.

There had been a serious flood while I was "away". The streets looked like a wet swamp glittering in sunshine. "Pretty," I thought. Wanted to take a photo, which made me realize it was a dream. Left the room and went to the other side of the building, looked outside the window there. Same thing .. a lot of water and greenery growing from all this water. I was amazed at all the details, even saw tiny waves on the water surface, due to the wind drafts between the buildings. Again, that pretty green grass, trees, water and the way sun made it all glitter. Woke up.

Fairly similar to the other flood dream:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/07/dream-flood.html

Some more on body-focus

It's been a fun ride again, though, it seems something is slipping again. It seems as if it takes more effort again to keep the mind focused.

Would like to be able to turn the senses inward. Within the past few days, there has been one occasion, when my focus on the body was strong enough so that I lost the senses for a second. I guess one time I tried to focus on the resonant frequency of the body, then a loud buzzing of vibrations took over and I felt pulled out of body.

I've noticed that for me, this concentration on the shape of the body exercise indicates 2 levels of depth. The first is just awareness of the shape .. drifts away pretty easily. When I then "burst" the intensity, then I can detail it a little (fingers, toes, hair) and maintain more of the shape in active focus. This shape would last for some time after leaving focus.

One morning, I found that the body had most likely caught a cold during the night (sometimes goes down to 10 *C from about 25 *C during the day). Certain body parts ached. A few minutes of this body-focus exercise healed it.

Recently, dreams have been pretty vivid and detailed, but I still tend to forget them. Can't recall having anything extraordinary enough to remember.

One, which I had recently:
Aunt woke me up to have me do some work. Felt pretty tired. Didn't want to do work at first .. even sensed that I wouldn't have to. Some parents had wanted us to teach their children to swim. But I guess the weather was a bit too chilly, so they might've reconsidered. Anyway, I ended up going for a swim alone. Sure, the water was very hot anymore .. as expected, since it's end of August. While in water, I noticed that a lot of black floaters appeared from the body .. another dream of cleansing. Also noticed that the pond was not far from a couple of dry closets, in shifted space, though. A pretty weird place to go swimming anyway.

Last night I remember discussing a lot of different stuff with some people I knew, but not from this life, nor from any of the dreams I remembered having before.

Edit: Ah, another small observation. A couple of evenings ago, I tried some Pranayama again and this time sensed better what it did. Witnessed it cleanse the mind .. various clusters of desires and thought patterns left through the right nostril. Usually during pranayama practice, I would also "see" the world brighten up .. or clouds and shadows disappear from the awareness.

A young telepath

Dad's back from Hungary. On our way back from a department store, a little girl and her Mom walked past. The little girl asked her Mom: "Why is this guy wearing the other pants?"

Dad started laughing. I hadn't been listening. Anyway, I had just bought a new pair of pants. Since there were no cabinets for testing clothes outside the shop, then I just left the new pants in the bag (which was non-transparent).

This little girl somehow picked it up from my mind, without me even focusing on her. Or, perhaps she got it from Dad .. in any case, she was a young natural telepath .. =D.

Body-focus

While having a nap yesterday, focused consciousness in the shape of the body and tried to keep it that way for about an hour. Started to feel warmer and healthier.

Have been seeing bright flashes around the head, when some thoughts pop up.

Felt floaty in the kitchen. Visualized gravity pulling me towards the ceiling .. this yielded a rather strange feeling. Realized that it's far more real than I would've thought, thanks to which I saw the world from a new angle for some time. Stopped focusing on reversed gravity before it might fully manifest and cause injuries.

Noticed that blender utensils looked freshly washed. Probably got sprayed with water while I was washing something else. Have been home alone for I guess about 2 weeks.

Stuff in the room

I've been seeing weird stuff again recently.

Dark or bright shadows moving around, bright orbs.

Last night I saw the reflection of what looked like a grayish-brown bird flying past. The room was lit, but behind the balcony it was pretty dark. Balcony windows were closed. I saw the reflection on laptop screen. Due to the angles and lighting, it would've been physically possible only if the bird were in the room. When I looked over the shoulder, I couldn't see anything.

Sometimes the lighting in the room becomes darker, sometimes brighter. As if something shadowing the ceiling lamp.

Infusion

On
http://theairen.blogspot.com/2010/06/infusioon-ilma-inimese-teadmata.html

Here's how I understood it. Humans tend to have their shields up all the time. In order to relay info to them, they have to be caught off guard. Often, a startling or frightening situation is created to divert attention so that a channel can be built. This could be an abduction, an accident, a weird dream, animals behaving strange, etc. The downside is that some people tend to become attached to this temporary flicker of fear.

Bugsnest

Didn't have an appetite since lunch yesterday. Felt the need for at least something before going to bed at night. Ate cheese, bread and drank some of the water of those 20 years old pickles.

Today morning I had a dream, where a lot of tiny bugs crawled out from my throat area (as if from under the skin somewhere). There were so many bugs that they made the sound of a heavy rainfall when they hit the floor. It kept "raining" for about a minute or so. I probably looked like a moving ant nest or something =).

Similarities to this one: http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/02/bugs-came-out.html

Tantra fail in the next dream, which might also be good for cleansing purposes.

GeGene

Got to put all that energy to good use. Conspiracy theories got a bit boring. So, I started looking into free energy again. Found GeGene on JLNaudin's page. Looks fairly simple and cheap to build.

While looking around on the page, suddenly the Ganesha figure leaned to one side and rocked to the other. I don't think I've experienced that sort of geisting before.

Conspiracy stuff

Strange, but the more I watch these conspiracy shows, interviews and stuff .. the warmer it makes me feel. Also, somehow it makes me smirk or even laugh, without being aware of the cause.

I guess I'm digging a lot of old news of stuff that never happened and never would happen .. simply because so much has changed since then.

Yesterday I meditated on it a little, with the intent on raising the vibes. Got a feeling that this might endanger the current situation and only cause problems. So I just focused on empathy and compassion, instead.

Yet again, I feel as if I'm stuck as an observer, who really shouldn't intervene, but really want to help. Can't remember having helped any, so this makes me really want to do it .. while always feeling like I've missed the bus. However, the usual answer is more like "you've already done it" of sorts.

Sorry for any problems I might have caused, while trying to spread stuff on conspiracies. Even if it's old news, I think it's still a good idea for everyone to be aware of it.