Read some more of the Torres' second book. Attempted to create another personality, one that would be tens of thousands of years old, knows everything about how the universe works, is meditating 24/7 and all skills are easy for him. Acting that personality yielded an increase in energy intensity and tummo.
Yesterday also read in the book that eating past 6 (or was it even 4) PM messes up dream control. Somehow it had happened that by bedtime I had not eaten past 2 or 3 PM. This helped a lot. Managed to remain conscious throughout the night. Dreams were not very interesting, though.
Wrote a lengthy reply at a pk forum and when I was about to submit it, I got the error "Your request has timed out. Please try again." Pressed back and the text was gone. Sigh. This is familiar. A few years ago this happened consistently so that I couldn't share personal experience anymore .. or had to do it in such a way that it wouldn't touch ego in the slightest.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Banish flyer
Energy had come to a standstill again and couldn't focus right. Consciously leaked a lot of energy yesterday, by just focusing on a lower chakra. Greatly underestimated the amount of energy that would leak that way and became very tired very quickly after that. Slept, ate and then willforced sharp focus to pump energy up again.
When I laid down in the bed in the evening, I felt as if some sort of a liquid was injected into my left shoulder. In reality there was nothing there. Sharp pain through a tiny region somewhere between the bones. Today the muscles around the area have been feeling sore .. just like after a vaccination. Sometimes I feel like a cow at a barn, where a vet occasionally comes and injects something.
Thanks to willforce, I had very vivid dreams.
One OBE as well, I think. I went up to the balcony window to check the weather outside. I was not at the apartment .. I don't know where I was, but outside the window, there was a spruce forest. There had been slight rain and the window glass had some water droplets on it. Overall, the weather was warm and foggy. Woke up .. the weather was foggy and there had been some rain, but my balcony window was dry.
One recurring theme in the dreams was tables covered in delicious food that I couldn't eat because always something came up so that I had to leave.
Another theme was flyers (following Castaneda's definition). I took the image of a random flying monster and assigned the label "flyer" to it .. so that it became to symbolize that for me. I then took the symbol, shot an infinitely thin and thick force field at the symbol attached to me. Then blew at the symbol, which became a very strong wind that blew the symbol away so that it disappeared. Basically a lucid ritual in the dream, to cleanse of parasites.
Very nice and warm day. Today evening the blob of nervousness re-appeared. I looked around at the walls, floor, ceiling, the wallpaper and realized that the nervousness did not affect these objects .. thus, it was just an illusion or hallucination of mine. The nervousness was fake. Easy solution: focus on large objects around the body to ease out the energy. While I was at it, sister came into the room. I simply nodded, but when she left, she thanked me for the energetic pattern of mine, which had helped her.
When I laid down in the bed in the evening, I felt as if some sort of a liquid was injected into my left shoulder. In reality there was nothing there. Sharp pain through a tiny region somewhere between the bones. Today the muscles around the area have been feeling sore .. just like after a vaccination. Sometimes I feel like a cow at a barn, where a vet occasionally comes and injects something.
Thanks to willforce, I had very vivid dreams.
One OBE as well, I think. I went up to the balcony window to check the weather outside. I was not at the apartment .. I don't know where I was, but outside the window, there was a spruce forest. There had been slight rain and the window glass had some water droplets on it. Overall, the weather was warm and foggy. Woke up .. the weather was foggy and there had been some rain, but my balcony window was dry.
One recurring theme in the dreams was tables covered in delicious food that I couldn't eat because always something came up so that I had to leave.
Another theme was flyers (following Castaneda's definition). I took the image of a random flying monster and assigned the label "flyer" to it .. so that it became to symbolize that for me. I then took the symbol, shot an infinitely thin and thick force field at the symbol attached to me. Then blew at the symbol, which became a very strong wind that blew the symbol away so that it disappeared. Basically a lucid ritual in the dream, to cleanse of parasites.
Very nice and warm day. Today evening the blob of nervousness re-appeared. I looked around at the walls, floor, ceiling, the wallpaper and realized that the nervousness did not affect these objects .. thus, it was just an illusion or hallucination of mine. The nervousness was fake. Easy solution: focus on large objects around the body to ease out the energy. While I was at it, sister came into the room. I simply nodded, but when she left, she thanked me for the energetic pattern of mine, which had helped her.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Dangers of the scalar
Some things I've noticed during the past few days:
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/scalar_tech/esp_scalartech37.htm
Anyway, even though the text seems to have been written by some guy who isn't very familiar with scalar fields, it did trigger spontaneous visualization and the familiar feeling of remembering how it works. Though, the attunement to the perspective where it all fit together, only lasted for a few hours.
With an idea of the power of scalar standing waves and Earth grid lines, this "dream" now makes more sense:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/06/gloomy-dreams.html
Also, it seems that the more I remember about it, the less interested I am in technology in general. My curiosity for science and technology seems to be mainly driven by having forgotten it all. Although on one hand I would want helpful technology to be accessible to everyone, it seems that already the working principle of scalar fields makes it very difficult to use without destructive consequences (which are hard to predict). The fact that we're still here probably indicates that whoever is using the technology, has been using it quite carefully so far. Anyway, because of all the dangers I think commercialization (read: everyday use) of that technology probably won't happen during my lifetime and maybe not even during the generation that comes after me.
All in all, spiritual practice and psychokinesis seems to be the best way to study scalar fields, because it provides direct feedback. I guess psychokinesis is more difficult to use immaturely, whereas everyone could poke the big red button on a physical gadget.
- Yesterday saw flashes of yellowish-white light, which sometimes had a pattern (reminded of interference pattern). Light source was always out of view and somewhere from behind or from above the head. Saw it with my eyes open.
- Yesterday morning I woke on the sound of a mattress spring creaking back and forth just at the back of the head. As I woke up, the sound faded away .. consciousness had sunk into the mattress.
- The tiredness + lump of nervousness + pain in the heart chakra was back today. Noticed more geisting with sharper influence (snapping of furniture, mostly).
- Since reading Armando Torres' book and playing Might & Magic with Stronghold, there have been more shaman-lookalikes in the dreams.
http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/scalar_tech/esp_scalartech37.htm
Anyway, even though the text seems to have been written by some guy who isn't very familiar with scalar fields, it did trigger spontaneous visualization and the familiar feeling of remembering how it works. Though, the attunement to the perspective where it all fit together, only lasted for a few hours.
With an idea of the power of scalar standing waves and Earth grid lines, this "dream" now makes more sense:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2013/06/gloomy-dreams.html
Also, it seems that the more I remember about it, the less interested I am in technology in general. My curiosity for science and technology seems to be mainly driven by having forgotten it all. Although on one hand I would want helpful technology to be accessible to everyone, it seems that already the working principle of scalar fields makes it very difficult to use without destructive consequences (which are hard to predict). The fact that we're still here probably indicates that whoever is using the technology, has been using it quite carefully so far. Anyway, because of all the dangers I think commercialization (read: everyday use) of that technology probably won't happen during my lifetime and maybe not even during the generation that comes after me.
All in all, spiritual practice and psychokinesis seems to be the best way to study scalar fields, because it provides direct feedback. I guess psychokinesis is more difficult to use immaturely, whereas everyone could poke the big red button on a physical gadget.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Change
So far this week has been .. different. It doesn't take so much concentration to energy / kundalini moving up the spine. Also, I've been feeling more fresh. Just 6 hours is usually enough and can't really push myself to sleep more.
Yesterday there was some other kind of breakthrough as well. This nervousness and pressure built up at the heart chakra. Then it suddenly started dissipating and by today morning it was replaced by a feeling of pleasure everywhere in the body.
I've occasionally practised the visualization of becoming lighter. Running the stairs seemed different (not exhausting anymore), as does walking long distances. In addition, noticed that with a strong wind (today) I could stand stable (I was amazed when I compared it to how I remember that it used to be).
Recently I've been playing Might & Magic in the evenings. This has affected the way I handle energy - thinking it through before spending it on anything.
There has been also something going on around the throat chakra. Today I noticed something different. There was some sort of a self-respect or confidence, which was not connected to the ego. I guess I had buried it all, thinking it was all ego. Perhaps this was the reason for issues with the heart chakra?
The index finger of the left hand has been hurting for about a week or more now. I don't know what's up with that.
Yesterday there was some other kind of breakthrough as well. This nervousness and pressure built up at the heart chakra. Then it suddenly started dissipating and by today morning it was replaced by a feeling of pleasure everywhere in the body.
I've occasionally practised the visualization of becoming lighter. Running the stairs seemed different (not exhausting anymore), as does walking long distances. In addition, noticed that with a strong wind (today) I could stand stable (I was amazed when I compared it to how I remember that it used to be).
Recently I've been playing Might & Magic in the evenings. This has affected the way I handle energy - thinking it through before spending it on anything.
There has been also something going on around the throat chakra. Today I noticed something different. There was some sort of a self-respect or confidence, which was not connected to the ego. I guess I had buried it all, thinking it was all ego. Perhaps this was the reason for issues with the heart chakra?
The index finger of the left hand has been hurting for about a week or more now. I don't know what's up with that.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Concentration
A pretty sunset, blocked by apartment blocks. Out of boredom and frustration, I did a longer session of staring. First I listened to music and stared at the background images, to try and quiet the mind.
Sat on the bed and tried to meditate, but fell asleep pretty quick. So, I cycled through various practices. Trataka on the indicator light of an extension cord. Then closed the eyes and focused on the feeling of the room. Just before falling asleep, I laid down on my back and stared at the lamp and practised lighting it up with pk. When the eyes got tired again, closed them and practised the sensation of weightlessness and levitation. When close to falling asleep again, I continued with trataka on the indicator light and so on..
Noticed something new. Well, it's not new that my eye-sight is sometimes very good and sometimes the eyes don't focus very well. However, noticed that the clarity of sight depends on concentration. Trataka on the extension cord indicator progressed in cycles where my mind fixed onto the target (the image became very sharp), then relaxed (the image of the light turned into what looked like a flower of blurry light).
During one of the pk sessions on the lamp, concentration peaked a record, I think. The lamp did not light up, but for a split-second a very bright orb appeared about 50 cm from it, and caused a spot of reduced sensitivity on the eyes.
Returned to the laptop, checked the forum and found an old post from Owltwelve, with the following videos:
Very short clips, but explained the issues I've been having for quite a while already. All of this has been rubbing my nose, but somehow I've still managed to miss it.
Sat on the bed and tried to meditate, but fell asleep pretty quick. So, I cycled through various practices. Trataka on the indicator light of an extension cord. Then closed the eyes and focused on the feeling of the room. Just before falling asleep, I laid down on my back and stared at the lamp and practised lighting it up with pk. When the eyes got tired again, closed them and practised the sensation of weightlessness and levitation. When close to falling asleep again, I continued with trataka on the indicator light and so on..
Noticed something new. Well, it's not new that my eye-sight is sometimes very good and sometimes the eyes don't focus very well. However, noticed that the clarity of sight depends on concentration. Trataka on the extension cord indicator progressed in cycles where my mind fixed onto the target (the image became very sharp), then relaxed (the image of the light turned into what looked like a flower of blurry light).
During one of the pk sessions on the lamp, concentration peaked a record, I think. The lamp did not light up, but for a split-second a very bright orb appeared about 50 cm from it, and caused a spot of reduced sensitivity on the eyes.
Returned to the laptop, checked the forum and found an old post from Owltwelve, with the following videos:
Very short clips, but explained the issues I've been having for quite a while already. All of this has been rubbing my nose, but somehow I've still managed to miss it.
Emerald portal in the bog
Barely felt tired at all and had only boring dreams. One dream was somewhat special. I disembarked a train or stepped out of a bus or something but had so many bags and stuff with me that I couldn't carry them out in one go. Two other people were waiting for me outside and when I asked for them to hold onto the bags for me, they said "no" with a blank face. Slightly disappointed in their reaction, I took all the bags and threw them as far as I could, no matter what was in them (probably clothes, laptop and some other fragile things). Also marked the action with the intent of letting go of all the burdens I had accumulated.
Stretched sleep and got two lucid dreams where I was just a cloud of consciousness. In one of them, a couple hiked to a bog and put up a tent. The man looked around twice. On the second glance, he saw a leafless tree on a lake next to the tent. It seemed as if the branches were holding a large emerald (the tree and gem weren't there the previous time he looked). There may have been some sort of a creature there as well. The man commented on it (only he saw it) and went towards it. As he came closer to the gem, he started having a discussion with an intelligent energy form at the gem. The man agreed to disappear for a day and re-materialize right when his wife would be out there, looking for him (which would happen at a specific time - 11?).
There was also a very dynamic dream (every thought manifested), which contained a lot of 11:11 synchronicity.
Today realized something about some form of energy and its relation to the fire element. After realizing this, an energy blockage was released in the abdomen.
Sometimes I'm a bit frustrated about my lack of progress. I remember how it didn't matter what I ate, listened to, etc .. everything was converted to pure energy. Also, how I always "saw" or felt the light that penetrated everything. As a response to this frustration, the rational mind says: "Will not strong enough. Need to apply more force." Today I felt a safety limit on the strength of willpower and realized it's fire and should be contained and concentrated for efficiency.
Impulsive discussion with father today, followed by at least 15 minutes of silence where I just stared out of the window.
While reading the Armando Torres' second book again, I sensed a faint presence in my room. It looked around, criticized the music I was listening to, then looked around the rest of the room, analyzing the energy. Tried to keep my focus split: partially on reading the book, partially on the guest.
Stretched sleep and got two lucid dreams where I was just a cloud of consciousness. In one of them, a couple hiked to a bog and put up a tent. The man looked around twice. On the second glance, he saw a leafless tree on a lake next to the tent. It seemed as if the branches were holding a large emerald (the tree and gem weren't there the previous time he looked). There may have been some sort of a creature there as well. The man commented on it (only he saw it) and went towards it. As he came closer to the gem, he started having a discussion with an intelligent energy form at the gem. The man agreed to disappear for a day and re-materialize right when his wife would be out there, looking for him (which would happen at a specific time - 11?).
There was also a very dynamic dream (every thought manifested), which contained a lot of 11:11 synchronicity.
Today realized something about some form of energy and its relation to the fire element. After realizing this, an energy blockage was released in the abdomen.
Sometimes I'm a bit frustrated about my lack of progress. I remember how it didn't matter what I ate, listened to, etc .. everything was converted to pure energy. Also, how I always "saw" or felt the light that penetrated everything. As a response to this frustration, the rational mind says: "Will not strong enough. Need to apply more force." Today I felt a safety limit on the strength of willpower and realized it's fire and should be contained and concentrated for efficiency.
Impulsive discussion with father today, followed by at least 15 minutes of silence where I just stared out of the window.
While reading the Armando Torres' second book again, I sensed a faint presence in my room. It looked around, criticized the music I was listening to, then looked around the rest of the room, analyzing the energy. Tried to keep my focus split: partially on reading the book, partially on the guest.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Location
The stomach ache is gone, more-or-less. Concentration has improved nicely.
For the past few days I've been having issues with sexual energy. Today evening I tried moving it upwards by focusing on the pineal gland, 3rd eye or crown .. while listening to music from the laptop. After some concentration, I realized I had lost awareness of where I was (had no short-term memory of it). It felt as if I was at my desk at work (at least, that's how it felt with the elbows against the surface). Before opening the eyes, I put forth some effort into visualizing myself at home .. the feeling of the table and chair gradually changed. Opened the eyes when I was confident that I was at home. The eyes I kept closed just in case, because I'm not sure I would've been able to come back after seeing myself at another location.
Oh, another thing that I noticed during the concentration practice. The smell of air changed as well. Both places were dark, though. I'm glad the office is not under alarm. Though, it would've still been quite a problem if I had come to in a closed building 20 km from the town, with 2 meetings in the town tomorrow morning.
For the past few days I've been having issues with sexual energy. Today evening I tried moving it upwards by focusing on the pineal gland, 3rd eye or crown .. while listening to music from the laptop. After some concentration, I realized I had lost awareness of where I was (had no short-term memory of it). It felt as if I was at my desk at work (at least, that's how it felt with the elbows against the surface). Before opening the eyes, I put forth some effort into visualizing myself at home .. the feeling of the table and chair gradually changed. Opened the eyes when I was confident that I was at home. The eyes I kept closed just in case, because I'm not sure I would've been able to come back after seeing myself at another location.
Oh, another thing that I noticed during the concentration practice. The smell of air changed as well. Both places were dark, though. I'm glad the office is not under alarm. Though, it would've still been quite a problem if I had come to in a closed building 20 km from the town, with 2 meetings in the town tomorrow morning.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Stomach ache
Chilly wind blew through the stomach, I guess.
Well, at Shirak's forum I've been trying to sound smart, teaching limpidprogress and stuff. So, I took the stomach ache as a challenge to try out a few methods and ideas while walking to school for a meeting. A 5.7 km walk with a somewhat stormy weather at 4 *C. Another 5.7 km back in the evening.
Methods that I tried and all of these seemed to have a positive effect:
One thing I noticed. Pain helps to silence the internal dialogue, which makes it easier to speak less. Boosting ego also had no charm. While sick, we try to avoid unnecessary energy leaks .. so it's a great boost for spiritual development.
In my mind, I asked someone: "What sort of lesson is it that I have to learn in order for the pain to go away?" The answer was: "What sort of lesson do you want?" For me, this answer was a bit unexpected, as I hadn't thought about it this way. Aimed for (re-)learning to turn everything into a meditation.
Interesting discussion with father and sister in the evening, on what's Lucifer. Realized something during the discussion and also, the discussion occasionally became meditative (reducing the pain).
Well, at Shirak's forum I've been trying to sound smart, teaching limpidprogress and stuff. So, I took the stomach ache as a challenge to try out a few methods and ideas while walking to school for a meeting. A 5.7 km walk with a somewhat stormy weather at 4 *C. Another 5.7 km back in the evening.
Methods that I tried and all of these seemed to have a positive effect:
- Concentration practice by focusing on a visualization of having a Buddha body.
- Focus on the pain, while trying to stay an observer (not trying to avoid the pain, nor clinging to it).
- Imagined that pain was caused by tension and tried releasing the tension.
One thing I noticed. Pain helps to silence the internal dialogue, which makes it easier to speak less. Boosting ego also had no charm. While sick, we try to avoid unnecessary energy leaks .. so it's a great boost for spiritual development.
In my mind, I asked someone: "What sort of lesson is it that I have to learn in order for the pain to go away?" The answer was: "What sort of lesson do you want?" For me, this answer was a bit unexpected, as I hadn't thought about it this way. Aimed for (re-)learning to turn everything into a meditation.
Interesting discussion with father and sister in the evening, on what's Lucifer. Realized something during the discussion and also, the discussion occasionally became meditative (reducing the pain).
Monday, April 13, 2015
Arab
Ok dreams, until a weird bunch appeared.
Me, sister, Mom and Mom's sister visited a palace that had something to do with science and technology. it was a large building with a lot of large windows, ridiculously expensive furniture and stuff. We arrived late in the evening / night, but I had been there already (most recent visit in a monster-dream, I think). There was a museum that should've still been open.
Mom's sister parked a bit strange. The car didn't want to stop properly. Or perhaps I mis-interpreted the distance (I saw through the walls and perhaps thought they were closer than actually). We left the car and walked in through a large door.
The interior was lit with golden light. Sister and mother freaked out a bit when they noticed that an arab was observing us attentively. Since we had been chatting in Estonian, I said: "He's listening for the language". The arab then came closer and said (in English) he had indeed been listening in order to learn the language, that he only understood a fragment of our internal discussion.
Btw, I call him an arab only because of the clothing style and dark skin. He was so foreign in every way that I pretty much couldn't read his mind (probably why the rest of the family freaked out - they also couldn't).
For some reason, ever since the languages thing, his attention was fixed on me only. He observed me and then asked questions that made my ego feel uncomfortable so that it tried to dodge them.
His assistant appeared, staring at me. The assistant then took his hands and pressed his thumbs (I think) on the temporal regions. The assistant didn't speak and his dark brown eyes were fake. I was not afraid, but I was concerned .. so I left soon ("poofed" back into body). Woke sweaty at around 3 AM. For about an hour after the incident, my hypnagogic imagery was weird (incomprehensible artifacts, shapes, morphing volumes of fractals, etc.).
Dad also woke up .. went into the kitchen and took something to drink, then went back to bed.
A couple of hours later I managed to fall asleep again. Hopped and walked around on top of a strange hill of regolith.
Me, sister, Mom and Mom's sister visited a palace that had something to do with science and technology. it was a large building with a lot of large windows, ridiculously expensive furniture and stuff. We arrived late in the evening / night, but I had been there already (most recent visit in a monster-dream, I think). There was a museum that should've still been open.
Mom's sister parked a bit strange. The car didn't want to stop properly. Or perhaps I mis-interpreted the distance (I saw through the walls and perhaps thought they were closer than actually). We left the car and walked in through a large door.
The interior was lit with golden light. Sister and mother freaked out a bit when they noticed that an arab was observing us attentively. Since we had been chatting in Estonian, I said: "He's listening for the language". The arab then came closer and said (in English) he had indeed been listening in order to learn the language, that he only understood a fragment of our internal discussion.
Btw, I call him an arab only because of the clothing style and dark skin. He was so foreign in every way that I pretty much couldn't read his mind (probably why the rest of the family freaked out - they also couldn't).
For some reason, ever since the languages thing, his attention was fixed on me only. He observed me and then asked questions that made my ego feel uncomfortable so that it tried to dodge them.
- You have musicians ears?
- I don't know (I do, but I deny it). My sister is a musician, she definitely does (I point at her behind my back with my left hand).
- You don't want to become a musician?
- I don't know (yes and no, because I'm interested in so many things that a single lifetime is too short to have it all .. so I need to leave some things out)..
His assistant appeared, staring at me. The assistant then took his hands and pressed his thumbs (I think) on the temporal regions. The assistant didn't speak and his dark brown eyes were fake. I was not afraid, but I was concerned .. so I left soon ("poofed" back into body). Woke sweaty at around 3 AM. For about an hour after the incident, my hypnagogic imagery was weird (incomprehensible artifacts, shapes, morphing volumes of fractals, etc.).
Dad also woke up .. went into the kitchen and took something to drink, then went back to bed.
A couple of hours later I managed to fall asleep again. Hopped and walked around on top of a strange hill of regolith.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Yay for Cosmonautics Day
Participated and asked father to join, for they showed Interstellar also (which father and sister hadn't seen).
The conference was interesting, as the organizers had tried to include as many different viewpoints as possible. In my hometown, a local shaman (an acquaintance, actually) gave the first presentation. I was amazed. Brilliant presentation and his answers to skeptics' questions were true pearls. Anyway, his presentation connected quite a few pieces of the puzzle for me (analogies and descriptions of yin & yang cycles in space .. from 4000+ years old local myths and folklore). At the capital town, there was a parallel event where an ufologist gave the first presentation.
But no, it was not all mystical and paranatural stuff. There were technical presentations about our student satellite, about the Mars houses built here and more. An economist talked about how he applied for being an astronaut on an upcoming Mars mission.
I liked how they covered both mainstream as well as alternatives. However, there were barely any people there for the alternative science.
The conference was interesting, as the organizers had tried to include as many different viewpoints as possible. In my hometown, a local shaman (an acquaintance, actually) gave the first presentation. I was amazed. Brilliant presentation and his answers to skeptics' questions were true pearls. Anyway, his presentation connected quite a few pieces of the puzzle for me (analogies and descriptions of yin & yang cycles in space .. from 4000+ years old local myths and folklore). At the capital town, there was a parallel event where an ufologist gave the first presentation.
But no, it was not all mystical and paranatural stuff. There were technical presentations about our student satellite, about the Mars houses built here and more. An economist talked about how he applied for being an astronaut on an upcoming Mars mission.
I liked how they covered both mainstream as well as alternatives. However, there were barely any people there for the alternative science.
Vegetable and fried cabbage juice
=D clumsy.
Took blood sausage with fried cabbage and a mug with vegetable juice. Stood at the table and tried hard to cut the sausage with a fork. While at it, I failed to notice that I had tilted the plate a bit too much and some cabbage juice started running down the plate (a free-fall of about 50 cm or so). Father couldn't help but laugh, because it was running into the mug. So, now I had vegetable juice with cabbage. Subconscious has quite a sense of humour.
Took blood sausage with fried cabbage and a mug with vegetable juice. Stood at the table and tried hard to cut the sausage with a fork. While at it, I failed to notice that I had tilted the plate a bit too much and some cabbage juice started running down the plate (a free-fall of about 50 cm or so). Father couldn't help but laugh, because it was running into the mug. So, now I had vegetable juice with cabbage. Subconscious has quite a sense of humour.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Over-saturation
Over-saturation again. Food doesn't digest well, always feeling tired but actually I'm not (can't sleep).
What's different though, while watching a random video on youtube and staring at an anime image, empathy cranked up and waves of heat were released from the abdomen.
Recently in my mind I've been asking the question: What is time?
I'm not aware of having received an answer to that yet.
With this question, I do not mean the circular definition that perpetuates our scientific society. We define 4th dimension as time, then define time as 4th dimension - which only states the fact without answering the mystery of how it works or why it exists in the first place. The theory of our concept of time deriving from the plays of gravity and speed of light seems a bit closer, but it's defined through two other unknowns (not fully explained phenomena) - gravity and light.
I also don't mean the new age mystic definition that does not answer nor describe anything - time is an illusion. Illusion what? Every illusion has a structure or a pattern, every illusion is caused by something.
With a proper understanding of how a phenomena works and why it works that way, one would master the phenomena.
What's different though, while watching a random video on youtube and staring at an anime image, empathy cranked up and waves of heat were released from the abdomen.
Recently in my mind I've been asking the question: What is time?
I'm not aware of having received an answer to that yet.
With this question, I do not mean the circular definition that perpetuates our scientific society. We define 4th dimension as time, then define time as 4th dimension - which only states the fact without answering the mystery of how it works or why it exists in the first place. The theory of our concept of time deriving from the plays of gravity and speed of light seems a bit closer, but it's defined through two other unknowns (not fully explained phenomena) - gravity and light.
I also don't mean the new age mystic definition that does not answer nor describe anything - time is an illusion. Illusion what? Every illusion has a structure or a pattern, every illusion is caused by something.
With a proper understanding of how a phenomena works and why it works that way, one would master the phenomena.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Changes
Yesterday I slept for most of the way home from work - happens very rarely. Attempted to watch a Vajrayana tutorial that evening, but stopped it when father came home. Felt too tired to continue and went to bed. Slept with the balcony door open, for some fresh air. Not sure if this was a good idea .. I guess it was a bit too cold to sleep well (4 *C perhaps?). Had a lot of samsaric dreams and woke with a pillow-face.
During the past couple of days there has been some heavy geisting of the ceiling lamps during lunchtime. I think I already broke a couple of those tubes the previous years. :/
In addition to geisting lamps, there has been quite a storm for the past couple of days.
On Tuesday, I saw something the size of a large dog that was only visible in peripheral vision.
Today after helping a friend (another company) at the labs, I had a sharp pain in my left big toe. It felt as if a thin metal wire had penetrated a nerve. I thought I had stepped on something, but it disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared. Hmm.. there is a faint trace of the feeling still there. Dream symbolism..
I'm tired but not sleepy. Tried to take a nap but only managed to touch the shallow stages. So, I guess I should just meditate.
During the past couple of days there has been some heavy geisting of the ceiling lamps during lunchtime. I think I already broke a couple of those tubes the previous years. :/
In addition to geisting lamps, there has been quite a storm for the past couple of days.
On Tuesday, I saw something the size of a large dog that was only visible in peripheral vision.
Today after helping a friend (another company) at the labs, I had a sharp pain in my left big toe. It felt as if a thin metal wire had penetrated a nerve. I thought I had stepped on something, but it disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared. Hmm.. there is a faint trace of the feeling still there. Dream symbolism..
I'm tired but not sleepy. Tried to take a nap but only managed to touch the shallow stages. So, I guess I should just meditate.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Spiritually advanced pum
At the front door of the workplace in the morning, I managed to unlock the door in a strange way. Showed the card, waited for it to pull the bolts out, pulled the handle (you know, the standard protocol for opening a door). The door opened half-way, then some of the bolts jumped back out and jammed the door. Anyway, subconscious told me to press on "that" bolt with my index finger. Dangerous but at the cost of slightly hurting the index finger, I got the door open. Then remembered the dream symbolism of hurting an index finger.
Today at work an old man looking like a pum appeared in my mind and did not leave. Somewhat rudely he just stood there, kept staring at me, munching nothing (emptiness) with the few teeth he still had. To me, his look seemed a bit arrogant. Since he did not leave on his own within a few minutes, I just blank-stared back at him without thoughts .. until he left. Some weird dude he was. This encounter slightly reminded me of Naropa's dream of Tilopa's sister or the old master in The Tulpa shortfilm.
Yaay, warm springy weather. Walked out without the coat. Then wind picked up and within a few minutes, it became a storm. Really enjoyed it, because the wind was relatively warm (+ a few degrees *C). In the sun it was about 12 *C. Noticed how responsive the wind was .. as if it was semi-subconsciously geisted. Two very quick attempts at leafnados (as shy called them), which were not successful. At a supermarket I think I geisted the jerking of the accountant's hand.
Colleague called right when I remembered I had to deliver something to him.
Today at work an old man looking like a pum appeared in my mind and did not leave. Somewhat rudely he just stood there, kept staring at me, munching nothing (emptiness) with the few teeth he still had. To me, his look seemed a bit arrogant. Since he did not leave on his own within a few minutes, I just blank-stared back at him without thoughts .. until he left. Some weird dude he was. This encounter slightly reminded me of Naropa's dream of Tilopa's sister or the old master in The Tulpa shortfilm.
Yaay, warm springy weather. Walked out without the coat. Then wind picked up and within a few minutes, it became a storm. Really enjoyed it, because the wind was relatively warm (+ a few degrees *C). In the sun it was about 12 *C. Noticed how responsive the wind was .. as if it was semi-subconsciously geisted. Two very quick attempts at leafnados (as shy called them), which were not successful. At a supermarket I think I geisted the jerking of the accountant's hand.
Colleague called right when I remembered I had to deliver something to him.
Monday, April 6, 2015
Blockages clearing out
Yesterday evening something changed. Some sort of a blockage in the head dissolved and some sort of cold fluid started moving around. Then something similar happened in the chest area.
Today I found it blissful to rest the awareness on the crown (previously this was painful and sometimes made me feel sick).
Dreams have been rather boring, though.
Today I found it blissful to rest the awareness on the crown (previously this was painful and sometimes made me feel sick).
Dreams have been rather boring, though.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Acting
A couple of evenings ago I moved a little before bed. Noticed how the movements opened the 3rd eye so that I could see the surroundings quite clearly in the dark, with my eyes closed.
Took a nap a couple of days ago and found myself in city in a foreign country. It was a sunset there and I really enjoyed the way the sun lit the buildings, reflected off the windows and so on.. Very pretty, but when I tried to take photos of it, I couldn't get it all in view (too narrow FOV).
Last night I had three dreams. Two of them were classic:
A group of us disembarked from a ship. It was a group of islands that had just recently (a few years ago) surfaced from the ocean. The islands were unstable and could become submerged any time. Due to the lack of certainty, only rich people could afford houses there (for them it wouldn't matter if they lost a house or two). It was really pretty there .. wild nature. However, the whole place felt very powerful and there was constantly a strong wind so that one could not talk to one another, unless they were both shouting. We walked around very carefully, to avoid disturbing the environment that was so powerful it might've caused serious injuries if one of us were to misbehave. A horse fly landed on my finger. I tried to shake it off, while trying to remain focused on emitting unconditional love and compassion towards it. Somehow eventually managed to free myself. There were some sort of pillars or posts or something, which contained information. We carefully extracted only the information that we needed, making sure we wouldn't trigger anything dangerous.
I picked a random bus back home and somehow it happened that Hyena also took the same bus. Interesting chat for hours. At some moment, he triggered a realization. I expressed one of my principles I've taken for this life. He asked if I was just acting it or if I had really taken such a principle to limit myself. He also said "If you're acting it, then that's cool .. go ahead!" I couldn't help but laugh .. he was spot-on. For most of the time, this life has been a performance and it still is. In my opinion, there's no other way to live in this society than to have a mask behind a mask. I have decided to play along, trying my best to follow all the rules of the society just because I'm sure I can, even though I don't really belong into this society.
Took a nap a couple of days ago and found myself in city in a foreign country. It was a sunset there and I really enjoyed the way the sun lit the buildings, reflected off the windows and so on.. Very pretty, but when I tried to take photos of it, I couldn't get it all in view (too narrow FOV).
Last night I had three dreams. Two of them were classic:
- Snuck, climbed and flew around in what I thought was a ship.
- Tough real-time strategy without save, load or undo. (means I'm fighting against external influence - this time it was a cold draft)
- This time I actually won.
A group of us disembarked from a ship. It was a group of islands that had just recently (a few years ago) surfaced from the ocean. The islands were unstable and could become submerged any time. Due to the lack of certainty, only rich people could afford houses there (for them it wouldn't matter if they lost a house or two). It was really pretty there .. wild nature. However, the whole place felt very powerful and there was constantly a strong wind so that one could not talk to one another, unless they were both shouting. We walked around very carefully, to avoid disturbing the environment that was so powerful it might've caused serious injuries if one of us were to misbehave. A horse fly landed on my finger. I tried to shake it off, while trying to remain focused on emitting unconditional love and compassion towards it. Somehow eventually managed to free myself. There were some sort of pillars or posts or something, which contained information. We carefully extracted only the information that we needed, making sure we wouldn't trigger anything dangerous.
I picked a random bus back home and somehow it happened that Hyena also took the same bus. Interesting chat for hours. At some moment, he triggered a realization. I expressed one of my principles I've taken for this life. He asked if I was just acting it or if I had really taken such a principle to limit myself. He also said "If you're acting it, then that's cool .. go ahead!" I couldn't help but laugh .. he was spot-on. For most of the time, this life has been a performance and it still is. In my opinion, there's no other way to live in this society than to have a mask behind a mask. I have decided to play along, trying my best to follow all the rules of the society just because I'm sure I can, even though I don't really belong into this society.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Visualize your own body-mind
Cool synchronicity recently.
Mom left to Tallinn yesterday. She missed the chance to say goodbye, so a random encounter occurred (we met at the bus station).
Some more 888 and 11:11 as well.
Two nights ago something startled me. I was trying to meditate in a half-dream state, when suddenly a colleague popped up in front of me and poked my 3rd eye with a toggle type push-button switch.
Today I re-realized an old visualization. Not exactly visualizing the body-mind of a Buddha, but visualizing the body-mind of myself (the way I imagine myself in the future). This had some cool effects: I became a lot more calm, I did not have to suppress thoughts - mind became a lot quieter on its own, it was easier to project unconditional love and the body became lighter. Concentration also became somewhat easier and I started seeing the light again.
In general, those were tough 2 weeks. Yesterday I had time again to sleep properly.
There's one idea that I've wanted to post, but so far I've forgotten to. A while ago it occurred to me that perhaps the intensity and psi flow has not reduced, perhaps the only thing that can produce the impression of regress is what we focus on. With more intense psi flow, it's also easier to lose the way in our self-generated maze (because it seems so much more real).
Mom left to Tallinn yesterday. She missed the chance to say goodbye, so a random encounter occurred (we met at the bus station).
Some more 888 and 11:11 as well.
Two nights ago something startled me. I was trying to meditate in a half-dream state, when suddenly a colleague popped up in front of me and poked my 3rd eye with a toggle type push-button switch.
Today I re-realized an old visualization. Not exactly visualizing the body-mind of a Buddha, but visualizing the body-mind of myself (the way I imagine myself in the future). This had some cool effects: I became a lot more calm, I did not have to suppress thoughts - mind became a lot quieter on its own, it was easier to project unconditional love and the body became lighter. Concentration also became somewhat easier and I started seeing the light again.
In general, those were tough 2 weeks. Yesterday I had time again to sleep properly.
There's one idea that I've wanted to post, but so far I've forgotten to. A while ago it occurred to me that perhaps the intensity and psi flow has not reduced, perhaps the only thing that can produce the impression of regress is what we focus on. With more intense psi flow, it's also easier to lose the way in our self-generated maze (because it seems so much more real).
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