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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Saturday, March 31, 2012

Ego fighting itself

Ego has recently been beaten a lot (about a week of accidental repetitive mistakes) and has taken offence. I feel like withdrawing my bonds and doing what I love to do without caring about anything around me. That's what hurts the ego most. It starts to pity itself. Not caring is not too noble and it's a trap of karma.

The beauty in sad music is that it makes me sad and feel compassion towards myself. It fuels detachment. While "recovering" from the detachment (aka becoming attached to the worldly stuff and ego again), there's often a great burst of inspiration and motivation.

Ego doesn't like White Skeleton meditation, because it takes too long to practice. Laid down in bed and practiced it yesterday evening, fighting the phenomena of my mind falling asleep at the same time. It took about 1.5 to 2 hours and I still didn't focus on all of the bones for long enough. That is, for some bones, the feeling was a bit too weak. Ego wanted to get some sleep instead.

Ego wants me to read the psychokinesis forum, but I don't feel the need. How come I visit the place and act like a know-it-all while I even haven't practiced pk much recently? Wow, the ego loves biting itself and then whining about it, waiting for others to feel compassion.

Browsed a book of Eastern Mythology in grandfather's library. The term Bodhisattva caught my attention. I guess this is what I, my ego wants to be. After describing the empathy method to iJodix last weekend, I think I messed up.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Motivation drop

According to the yesterday's news, the missing girl I attempted to remote-view was found dead. An 8 years old girl raped, strangled and dumped away.. =(

The motivation from Psi-day has dropped. Also, I think I've caught some cold.

Edit: Now there seem to be similar cases everywhere.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Monochrome flower

Happened to chat with iJodix and Alar34 yesterday. They motivated me to practice pk in the evening. Attempted to turn the light on by flipping the switch with pk. Directed some psi-pressure towards the switch and tried the following methods:
  • Forming cone-shaped constructs and pushing the switch with the dense tip of the cone.
  • Pushing with a visualized beam of psi and light from the hand.
  • Creating a stasis field around the switch and moving the field.
  • Feeling the switch and rotating it around the axis.
  • Having the intention at the background and focusing on a fan-made teaser trailer for Tr3n.
Psi was visibly flowing from my hand to the switch. Multi-colored spots / sparks appeared at the target. But nothing happened. I suspected having pushed it too much. Washed the constructs away and tried again, this time more gently. Still no luck though.

About a year ago I came up with a construct that would serve as my avatar or something. I used to have Gandalf Grey as an avatar, aiming for becoming Gandalf White. One day Gandalf the Grey seemed out of date, wanted something that would feel more pure. Instead of Gandalf, I picked a lotus image. Still wanted to add something dark to it and visualized a white flower with the leaves (Edit: ughm, meant petals) having dark strokes at the middle. One day I felt really inspired and motivated to learn, practice and promote peace. Visualized imprinting the feeling on the flower and having it grow in random places around the world (like mushrooms in a sparse spruce forest). Thought of painting it one day when I'm good enough. That's still to be done.

A few months later I walked past a familiar symbol. Someone had made a graffiti on a box of switchboards, a white flower with dark strokes at the middle of the leaves. A couple of days ago I saw this symbol on another graffiti somewhere in my hometown. One of them is at a place where I pretty much walked past every day, looking at it every morning and every evening.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Deeper empathy

Came to the 1st home, by train again.

Last time I tried to surprise with coming home a few days early, but everyone had already expected me. This time I decided to play a little prank and keep it in secret (not chattering with the family about it in my mind). Nobody was home. Dad came home late and when he did, he was genuinely surprised.

Listened to some Skrillex songs. Interesting how his logo seems familiar from roughly the time I was born. I remember feeling at unease when I looked at it. I have to admit, he makes good stuff, but with dark messages. Got entrained to him and "recognized an old friend". He was born slightly less than a year earlier.

Empathy seems to have become even stronger. When I look up from the laptop screen, I feel the otherwise scattered consciousness flowing back into the body.

Have been spending most of the time working with hobby projects. Haven't even read fresh posts at the forum.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Lucid reality

Had a dream last night, where one of the roommates told me it was snowing outside again. Woke up and the ground was white again. Later the sky cleared up and sun was shining pretty.

Enjoyed about 4 hours of working late today. Another productive and somewhat inspiring day.

Today everything feels so quiet and calming outside. Fresh air, beautiful sunset, a feeling of freedom and happiness.

While enjoying the sunset, had a flashback of someone practicing martial arts in a similar scenery. Just by focusing on the emptiness mixed with the feeling of ecstacy in the background of training, his psi field became thick and he developed some pretty powerful siddhis. Admiring the scenery while putting his heart into practicing worked miracles for him.

A strong feeling of virtuality appeared. For a moment, I felt more lucid than I have ever been in any dreams. For me nothing seemed to exist, except for everything that I was entrained to. The world seemed like a big singularity with linked bubbles that depict certain feelings. In each bubble, there would've been a lot of smaller bubbles with different feelings and so on. Seemed similar to designing dreams. Focus on a feeling, design the contents of the bubble and step in to materialize.

Although I felt quite close to being immune to cold, in control of gravity and time, all of these continued to affect the body. Would be awesome to experience this constantly.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Psi day

Meditated, trying to increase the psi field density last night. Saw flashes of light in front of my closed eyes. Thought some trucks drove past the windows. As it later turned out, the sound was caused by wind, but the flashes of light are still a mystery.

In the morning, there was strong wind outside and everything was white .. yet again. About 5 cm of snow on the slush-covered road, some of it flying around in small whirlwinds. The sky was covered in heavy clouds. Tried to cause whirlwinds and to shield myself, but it didn't seem to work too well. Fancied a clear sky. After a few laps, the sky was clearing up and a couple of hours later I noticed that the sky was clear and most of the snow had melted away again.

Today has been a really inspiring day even though nothing too psychokinetically epic has happened so far.

Focused on the picture of a little girl who went missing on 18th and tried to remote-view the surroundings. Saw an old building with some wooden planks loose. A man with dark hair, not knowing what to do. There seemed to be a tree with leaves behind the window. Realized that there shouldn't be leaves on the trees yet. Analytical overlay? Scratched that and tried again, this time I only saw darkness and something that reminded me of dowlas threads.

This is similar to how my previous RV attempts have ended up - a lot of noise from thoughts at first (too little filtering), then there's silence (too much filtering).

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Ball of arcs

Practiced some Tummo last night and performed an experiment while asleep. I checked if there was any of that melted substance, then gathered it at the jewel chakra. It got transformed into what seemed like electricity - a ball that  was buzzing and arcing all over. Moved it to the heart chakra to see what it would feel like. Something changed and consciousness gradually moved back to the body. Woke up.

A couple of hours later, I noticed there was a feeling of something thorny in the heart chakra. Moved it up to the crown chakra, which opened both Ida and Pingala channels as well as something in the head.

Edit: The opening of both channels and something in the head seems to be common to all of the attempts so far.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Arch museum

Visited an architecture museum today. On our way there, grandmother was robbed. It was the first time for me to witness something like that and it took me a bit too long to realize what had happened. Luckily she barely had any money in the wallet.

My biggest mistake was assuming their good intentions, regardless of their slightly suspicious behavior. The second mistake was walking in front of the formation, leaving grandparents out of sight and unprotected. A fail at empathy, telepathy, communication with subconscious mind. Also, I was careless due to feeling empty and a bit dark.

At the museum, when I started to feel discomfort, I pushed the psi upward from the lower chakras. Some minutes later, I got entrained to the hanging displays (large blocks of wood on steel hinges from the ceiling). Practiced swinging these. Now the feeling of walking on the floor or some of the bridges became weird as well. I think my mind was entrained to the air below the bridges and floor planks.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Tired

A couple of nights ago I was a bit too tired for meditating at night. Still woke up at 4.50 AM though.

I think I reached the section in "The Six Yogas of Naropa", where it describes several exercises for practicing Tummo.

Laid down in bed yesterday evening and started to feel a pull out of body even though I was not laying still at all. I was listening to the other guys playing cards and laughing. Focused on the navel chakra and the AH symbol steming from it.

When the mind is focused on the emptiness with a nice clarity, then the body no longer needs to breathe. Encountered the cessation of breathing for a few times again.

For a couple of times, I lost the feeling of weight; the mattress and pillow snapped (as if they were hard and solid).

Last night I also felt too tired to practice anything when I woke up at 3 AM.

Had a dream with an old well that worked as a teleporting device. It didn't seem to have any interface to it - had difficulties figuring out how to use it. As it turned out, I had been using it all the time, just without noticing the difference. It worked on feelings.

Edit: Almost throughout the last week, I felt empty. Don't know if this is related or not, but there were a lot of deaths on the newspapers recently.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Fish-hook cloud

Woke up at 4 AM again and used the time to practiced lying on my back without moving nor thinking. Last time I did that, one of the roommates asked a general question the next morning: "Did you guys know about lucid dreaming? Like lie on one's back without moving for 30 minutes and stuff?" A synchronicity of sorts.

Had a dream of flying in a helicopter. Geisted pk on the air around it and nearly crashed it. Got it under control after a while.

Happened to see a strange cloud today. It was on the background of a clear sky and it clearly had the shape of a fish-hook. Haven't seen anything like that before.

My mind feels a lot more clear, but dark. Have to "resurface from the ocean" again.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

An alarm dream

A couple of days ago I heard the name of an old classmate on TV (a random guy with the same name). Hadn't seen him and wondered what he might have been doing. A minute later he called and said he had been selling books in the U.S. Most likely he had to fill some sort of a paper to recommend others for the same job. I didn't qualify, since I'm in service.

Woke up and no longer felt tired at about 4.30 AM. Tried to lay still and keep my mind still for as long as I could. Mind started to wander again and I eventually fell asleep again.

Had an interesting dream. There was an alarm and we had to get on the trucks and drive out. The others were also on the truck, but they were asleep. After some driving, the truck stopped at my summerhouse. I thought it was weird, but still took the chance to salute to my aunt and her husband. They were at the table in the kitchen, but looked as if they were asleep. It was still early in the morning and no lights were on.

The rest of the dreams didn't make much sense.

There's so much interesting to do, stuff to learn, books to read and pk to practice. Want to spend a lot of time on all of them at once. Got to figure out a way to do it. =/

Monday, March 12, 2012

Creepy CRT

Attempted to practice some Trataka on the reflection of a digital clock on an old CRT TV set. After a couple of minutes, I started to feel psi becoming focused somewhere in the tube of the TV. For some reason, the tube felt more and more creepy. Afraid of blowing something up, I stopped and washed my psi .. some of it had become black.

Remembered that some years ago sister started to cover CRTs so these wouldn't creep her out. They would occasionally cause the feeling of being watched or being vamped of psi.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Lunch manifestation

We get to eat like in a lux hotel, at least in my opinion. However, one of the roommates wasn't too pleased about the sweets we had been getting. He said it would be awesome if they would send something like Russian cheesecakes even for once. Thought: "Well, let him have those tomorrow." Visualized the cooks thinking: "Let's send them cheesecakes next..=P"

We had all forgotten it and when we opened the containers for lunch, that same roommate found Russian cheesecakes in a bag. I was really happy about that pun .. it worked! And amazingly well..

The roommate boasted that his word is the one that counts, after all, he has finished his military postgraduate studies and all. I smile .. I like how simple and funny he is.

Edit: Remembered that while meditating a couple of evenings ago, I witnessed an orb forming near my hands and lifting past my face at almost constant speed. It seemed to be one of those transparent ones that don't emit light themselves.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Solar flare

Ok, it seems there's a solar flare going on. That explains a lot of the stuff going on with electronics and radio stations lately. Sleepless nights might also have something to do with this.

Oh, happy women's day .. just in case. =)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Yay, sleep

Practiced some guru yoga again before going to sleep. I think it was a couple of nights ago that I saw the surroundings become brighter and more colorful, as if by focusing on the feeling of a guru, I had surfaced from an ocean. The sight and feeling of the guru became significally more vivid as I rose out of the water.

Nice, I finally had some sleep last night. Though, it was as if I still wasn't too tired.

While driving somwehere, another guy said he sometimes saw a weird fog. Usually with -21*C, the fog would glitter, as it consists of tiny needles of ice. This fog didn't. What made it a bit more peculiar, it would sometimes form a ceiling just above the car, cutting trees. He said it once appeared when he told about it to someone else. It appeared again =).

Today the music radio station became silenced by noise for a few times again. When I commented on it, it happened once more. That's almost semi-on-demand (a controlled attempt, almost) or something.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Sleep deprivation

Practiced some Guru yoga before my attempt to go to sleep.

More or less couldn't sleep at all last night. Kept waiting for the alarm to ring, which lasted for hours.

Have been feeling as if I were overclocked or something. Tired, but it's as if my mind worked faster and more fluent than before. On the other hand, my head occasionally hurts a little - an indicator of exhaustion.

The music radio station we were listening to, occasionally went static today. Most often it has just blanked out or something has crashed at the station. It would be interesting to learn to control it.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Detach from the riches

Meditated on freeing the blockages in the chest. Felt a lot better.

Couldn't sleep very well at night. It seems that there were also a few others who couldn't.

One of the dreams: Appeared at an inn with a couple of men. One of them ordered a meal, but then it occurred to him that he didn't have any money. I knew I had, but the other guy was faster at picking his wallet. He took all the coins and stuff out on the table. They got their meal. However, before the waitress took the money, he wiped it all off the table. The other man also agreed on not needing any of that.

I was a bit shocked and started to pick the coins and stuff to give it to the waitress. As I did, euros turned into some antique coins, coins into golden horse irons and other objects of archeological significance. Still continued, although I could see the money rotting and becoming more and more cursed. Gave the bag to the waitress. Although the surroundings had changed to an excavation site and she was now interested in archaeology, she didn't want to accept it. Because it was cursed and had the stench of fear and suffering.

Leaving everything to other aspects of oneself is like putting it aside. True detachment would then be to throw something away for good. Actually, that's not very well phrased.. =/

I seem more moody to myself today. I wonder if it's due to being tired or because of placing the ex-blockage egos to meditate at higher chakras. Which might be almost equivalent to merging them with the ego more in control.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Cloud forming

Another nice dream. Became bored and started practicing pk on levitating a piece of paper. Showed it to mother. She slid a paperclip on the table and almost levitated it. Fancied a motive for honing the skills further. A couple of burglars entered through the balcony. Created a strong forcefield, pushing everything away.

Practiced some pk (rolling, push / pull), without much success though. Attempted to form a cloud on the clear sky while eating. Saw white steam flowing around and gathering up there. Wowfed and the tiny cloud quickly dissolved again. Remembered that there had been a more successful attempt at cloud forming, one that lasted longer (30 minutes or more?) and stood still when other clouds whooshed past.

Focused on having a gust of wind lift tin foil on ChrisZanetti's levitation video. At the same moment, the news crashed (seemed like a lot of buffer underflows), repeating the same sound and video clips for longer periods of time. So they went on a commercial again. Grandparents are watching TV in the other room.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Dream of animals

Some days ago I had a dream where wasps were attacking me and I used a force field to trap them and make for my escape.

Before going to bed yesterday I focused on loving myself, other people, air and water around me.

Had an interesting dream. We were walking around with someone and encountered multiple dangerous animals (though, an angry panther is the only one I can remember), all of which were cartoonish (cel shading) and colorful. Interestingly, they were angry at everyone and everything, but they obeyed me. For some reason we had to cage the panther. When I released it, it was disappointed and angry at me until I calmed it down again.

Trina's precognition

Thanks to a relatively new member of the psychokinesis forum, Trina, I realized something. Some pieces of the great and weird puzzle clicked together again.

She mentioned some of her precognitive dreams in her journal. One of these was related to trains. Became curious, as I had just taken a train a week ago (which I haven't done for years). It turned out that a couple of years ago she had had a repetitive dream about a girl in a train compartment, seeking for the attention of a boy. Seemingly unrelated, she didn't like the dirty bathroom on the train.

Well, I took a train home, but had to visit the bathroom (after some hours of putting up with it :D). Asked from friends if one had to pay for it. They said it was free, but dirty as hell and that they didn't like it at all. Actually, it was far neater and more clean than I had expected. Anyway, I came back and noticed that a girl was looking at me frequently. Being in my thoughts of pk, self-healing, detachment and celibacy, I ignored it.

Pretty impressive for Trina to have seen this years ago. An attempt at translating my realization into words:

The material world seems to reflect all the internal processes, just like dreams reflect what is happening near our sleeping bodies. Life is like a symbolic visualization of sorts.

Different people are different aspects of a whole. When one learns to love themself from an aspect, then there's someone to represent that aspect.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Reading signs

Looked for ways to love my ego, this body and everything that I've done. I cheered up some, sky partly cleared up and sun started shining.

Happened to glance at a sign with text worn off. Couldn't see what was written on it at such an angle from such a  distance. In an instant, the text appeared from the subconscious mind. I was amazed at the quality. This is the first time text has come through so clearly.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Heart and throat chakras

My heart and throat chakra have been feeling sore and aching for a couple of days. Had a Deja Vu when I thought of blogging it. In the Deja Vu / flashback, I blogged it and no longer took it seriously (a thought-pattern that I haven't previously recognized?). Well, in the flashback it was pretty serious, as pneumonia had come to surface again and I should've been put back to hospital.

I did work in the drafts of an opened window for a couple of days, so that might've caused it to resurface again. So, I guess, back to healing again? Or better yet, stop whining and fix the chakras once and for all. Like I've been messing with the heart and throat chakras for the whole life so far. Always problems with self-confidence, me not being worthy of something, feeling supressed, unhappy about my ego, throat and lung illnesses, a deep longing for something I see as unachievable. What's with all that and why is it still bothering me? Right, more meditation on this subject =|.

About a month or more ago it occurred to me that I've seen the place before. I think during one of my OBEs I visited this place. It was difficult to recognize, because the sun was so low and shining so bright that I could barely see the surroundings. Though, all of the elements are here .. thanks to spring, even the sun is so low and shining blindingly bright.