Welcome

The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Tuesday, August 30, 2016

GameJam

Participated at Ludum Dare 36 with a random team. An awesome experience.

During the event, I couldn't sleep more than 4 hours per night. That's because I slept at home and the cat was berserk. Still, I'm amazed that I managed to remain focused for more than two days. Also, I gained self-confidence after witnessing that actually nothing is difficult. There was something about the experience there, which has almost always haunted me - putting forth a lot of effort without people appreciating or acknowledging it. On the other hand, it's good for reminding me that I shouldn't be doing things for the enjoyment of others, but so that I would enjoy it. Sorry @ the rest of the team - you were awesome and would have deserved a lot better!

Edit: The sound and music guy of our team is like 15 years old music producer with perhaps about a hundred masterpieces more intricate than my whole playlist.

After that prolonged focus, it's difficult to return to other stuff. My mind is still in that classroom full of computers, monitors, tablets .. with the muzak and visuals. :) Focusing back on the life is an additional practice of concentration.

As the event was organized by some old friends and acquaintances, I also discussed the VR lab topic. Apparently the lab even hosts a lucid dreamer working on a VR project.

"When life gets harder you must've just leveled up," says a poster on the wall right next to the entrance of the 3d graphics lab where we developed the games.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Pff girls

Back in town.

While painting the walls at aunt's, she asked if I've found a girl yet. When I said "No, I don't plan to," she preached about the pros of creating a family and having children. This initiated some kind of an internal battle in my mind, due to which my focus has been a bit foggy recently.

The thing is, I have nothing against finding a girlfriend (a wild witch whom I wouldn't want to marry no matter what?). I love kids (perhaps could adopt some?). But the regression into full materialism with 20 years of delay in spiritual development .. why would one desire that? Sure, living with a wife and raising kids is a lesson on its own but it's a lesson one gets on every reincarnation, right? However, spiritual enlightenment would be a lesson one gets once in thousands of lifetimes. Thus, I wonder what this internal battle is about. The case is supposed to be closed already. The fact that my focus became foggy because of that, means that there's something there that I'm being ignorant about.

Anyway, took up reading Steve Richards' "Levitation" on the bus. Love at first few paragraphs. Socialized with the book instead of chatting to the pretty girl sitting next to me. Perhaps that's the ignorance .. which I'm somewhat proud of. Sigh. Uhm .. a good example of the dead-end pattern of thoughts, which always arrive at the same topic. The book seems awesome. The author referenced a lot of levitation cases and a few over-unity engineers that I hadn't heard / read about before. He also explained Einstein's theory on gravity fields in a way that had me realize something about the simplicity of anti-gravity and levitation.

With focus on the chakras above the head, eventually the space thickens and starts to pull the body upward. With focus on another chakra within the body, the space thickens there, and it becomes possible to push or pull the body by moving the thick egg.

Edit: Sorry, I guess the post ended up a bit sexist.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

large machine

Realized something obvious again. The similarity between my home environment in the dreams, and the healing room that the author described in the Superman project. Background story:

Had a dream this morning, where I was just in front of the front gate of the summerhouse. I was busy tinkering with some awesome tech that I had gotten from somewhere (or built myself, dunno). It was in a cylinder at the back of a truck. Used that to heal &/ enhance myself. It was very effective, but for some odd reason each time I used it, some kind of an entity dropped into my realm. This strange machine appeared instantaneously each time I attempted to heal. Each time it deployed a rover, which circled around the truck, drawing me into the corner. Once cornered, the machine scanned me and disappeared. This happened three times, each time its behaviour was identical (thus the assumption that it's a machine). I did not enjoy being scanned by this thing .. not in the least. Perhaps because I felt totally powerless. I had absolutely no shields, no rooms to close myself into, and this machine just popped into the most sacred sanctuary without any warning. The last time I hid into the cylinder, realizing that's not a viable solution, either.

Woke up and realized the similarity with the Superman project. Today I've felt quite different from the previous days. Somehow it's a lot easier to focus. While driving, I felt the surroundings better than usual. At times I picked up an apple and threw it. Surprisingly, I was able to hit small openings very easily from mid-range (10 - 20 m). Large distances were still inaccurate, though. Practised standing and walking on hands and driving with a monowheel. The learning speed surprised me as well.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Flip 180

Woke up, flipped in the bed. My head was where I had had my feet, and vice versa. Ok, I think this has happened to me once before. However, this time also the pillow had changed its place. Also, the sheets and the blanket were not curled up, which I would expect to happen when I would turn around in sleep. As I went to bed last night, I did think of sleeping the other way around sometime, for change. Didn't expect that to happen during the night, though =D.

So much rain. I've been able to change that by working on my emotional state. However, so far all the attempts have been temporary. It has started raining again at night or during the next day. Also, at work it's a mess. I thought my colleagues would be able to finish with the documentation on their own (just a few minor updates). Apparently not. All those delays were already embarrassing. Sigh. I'm on vacation, so what does having such an experience mean to me (hinting at uncle's suggestion from a couple of weeks ago)? That's exactly why I'm on vacation in the first place, to overcome the stress and tension of workaholicism. It's not about quickly doing the job before becoming stressed (which I've been doing for years). It's about changing the attitude so that there would be no stress even when I'm not supposed to be doing work.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Indoors vs. outdoors

A night indoors. And since it was a rainy day, then I also spent the day indoors.

Since I was home alone, I had to cook. A few hours of meditative work. I thought it was quite good (really enjoyed the output).

When it stopped raining in the evening, I went outside and .. it was awesome. Everything felt lovely: the air, the trees, the grass that I had cut a couple of days ago. So I spent some time wallowing around :D. Nah, just laid there on the grass, and tried walking on hands which didn't work too well but was fun anyway.

Second night indoors. Thunder and lightning. The dog kept banging the doors and crawling onto the feet (it's heavy, so it hurts). Tried grounding the dog's fear and nervousness.

Again, it feels so mysterious and powerful outside.

All in all, sleeping in the nature makes a great difference. :)

Friday, August 12, 2016

Meteor shower

Witnessed a couple of meteors, then a third last night. Used the chance to make wishes, because why not? Just after entering the hammock-tent, I also saw a flash of light through the fabric. Shrugged, and made a fourth wish.

Man that was a seriously cold summer night (very moist and 10 *C or below that). Couldn't sleep too well. Had an awkward dream in the morning. Well, typically when I've caught cold, I've leaked jing. This night I think I had enough control over that. The dream was about that.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

OBE-like dreams

Took a nap during the day, while focused on the central channel without associating it to the body. Had pretty clear dreams. Thought of dream-training and started practising parkour in the town somewhere. While performing a somersault over a 4-lane road with a lot of traffic, I re-realized that I can probably fly. Popped into another environment (a lab of some sort), where I practised levitation ... through the doors. I took a piece of electronics and a few screws with me, which I tried to teleport to home. The teleportation seemed to have been successful, after which I ended up tailing an interesting person. It was the cloud of consciousness of someone (else). In turn, this consciousness was following another person. So, there was a train of three people, out of which two were "ghosts". At the head of the train, there was a man with a coat and glasses walking in front of a house, at around sunset (I guess). He looked stylish, and he was spiritually advanced as well. Suddenly, the second person in the train flared himself by condensing into human form. He was very fluent at this, as if he'd practised that for years.

Other than that, I've been growing nervous during the past few days. Need to work on a conference proceeding. There's still about 3 weeks left until the deadline.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Parkinson

Grandpa has Parkinson's disease and sometimes sees hallucinations. One day he asked me: "I see the kitchen door handle moving, can you see it too?" Me: "No, it's not moving."

To me it seems that his world is out of his control and gradually collapsing, similarly to what happened to Shun in Shinsekai Yori. Grandpa keeps pushing his willpower to realign his world with that of others. This way he temporarily regains his clarity and ability to speak clearly.

Holy water in yo face

Actually, before dad's concert, there was another concert at the local church. Grandma had told me to wash my face with water that has silver in it, in order to conquer the pesky blemishes. The next day at end of the event at the church, the pastor sprayed the crowd with holy water. ::splat:: and my face was dripping. Luckily my face didn't melt, so I guess I'm not very evil after all. Anyway, I considered this incident convenient, since my face was automagically washed with silver water so that I no longer had to. To be honest, silver water actually seems to have helped a bit.

I guess I've grown used to sleeping in the hammock. Though, with the stormy weather recently, it's occasionally become a bit cold in there.

Had an interesting dream today morning. I was at the fields somewhere in the Alps, I guess. A beautiful scenery with all the details, except for the fact that I knew it was just a simulation. In the simulation, I had to take care of the water and wind. I noticed an inconsistency in the simulation - I was certain it was a computer simulation with limited rendering capabilities but it sure did not look like one. For example, in one direction there was a forest where there should've been the edge of the map. In another direction, there was a river, then some trees and several mountains. At some moment, dad showed up. I showed him around, and both of us took a hike up one of the mountains. While at it, the dream lost a lot of details and quality, I think.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Aliens reborn on Earth

Visited grandma yesterday. Enjoyed a long discussion about consciousness, "soul dynamics" and reincarnation. She wanted me to see a TV show about UFOs and astral travel. Well .. while listening to dad's concert, I missed the show.

At around the time when the UFO show started on TV, we were on our way back from the concert and on our way towards the shop. Roughly at that time we spotted something with a metallic reflection hovering in the sky above the trees. By the time we turned into the parking lot of the shop (about a minute or two later), the object was gone. I thought it was a drone, except for the peculiar synchronicity to the TV show.

Watched the rerun of the episode, only to find that it contained nothing new. They featured Graham Nicholls a lot, whom I had previously read about in the "Consciousness Beyond the Body" by Alexander De Foe.

Recently I watched an interview with a Martian reincarnate:
http://simplecapacity.com/2016/05/boriska-boy-mars-says-humans-live-eternally/

They had some sort of stones that captured souls and released them for rebirth once broken.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Hammock tent

Sleeping in the hammock tent seems like a challenge. So far I haven't managed to fall asleep before sunrise. Sleeping alone makes all the muscles ache. There's pretty much no comfortable position for sleeping more than a few hours, and changing positions takes muscles.

On the other hand, just a few hours of sleep each morning have been enough to feel fresh and powerful throughout the next day. Sleeping in fresh air works miracles.

A couple of nights ago I wandered around the pasture / woods and noticed something white in my peripheral vision. Curious, I went to check it out. Right when I reached the exact spot, sister called me. A normal call .. triggered by a .. touchplate?

Dunno, the next night I went to the hammock a bit late. It was quite dark outside. I asked around if anyone had a flashlight or headlamp or somesuch. Well .. nope. Shrugged and went there anyway. I acted out of intuition and enjoyed the strange movements that I performed every now and then, to dodge tree branches. Bumped into sleeping cows, then took a detour to look .. uh .. normal to them.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Hammock-tent

Arrived at the summerhouse. I was briefed that grandpa hallucinates and we should make sure we won't wake him at night. He's reliving his past. With noise coming from other rooms at night, he sometimes gets paranoid about agents coming to take him away.

So, me and Kaspar set up the hammock-tent at night. Tried to sleep there (first time), but didn't manage to. For most of the time, I simply observed the lightning flashes and thunder all around the village.
 Random geisting. A cousin dropped a mug, which triggered the switch-on of the TV. I had taken a two-hour nap on the couch in the living room, and thought of going to a proper bed for a longer nap. There was a laptop playing radio channel in the bedroom. I thought the radio might be annoying. At that very moment, the radio application started throwing errors periodically. That familiar Windows error message sound. I changed my mind, and the radio started working again.

Today we set up the hammock-tent properly, at the sea.

Congestion of time

Finished work yesterday evening. Called uncle to see if he's going to Saaremaa, as I figured I might be late for the only bus in the evening. Luckily he said he was going just a couple of hours after the bus. He even had a free seat and plenty of space for luggage. Nice timing.

While on the way, we discussed politics (recently it's all just a big mess) and the global goals of mankind. The discussion followed on the nature of consciousness. Uncle mentioned having had a lot of dreams where he has asked questions and received deep answers.

At some point I asked the question that has been bugging me for the past few months:
  • Once I've worked on something for some time, I get to a level where I have a lot of different tasks to do, many of which need to be done simultaneously. Although a meditative state can easily be achieved while deeply focused on a single task for long enough, it seems difficult to achieve while having to focus on a lot of different tasks simultaneously. It's especially difficult when the time has become so fragmented that it's impossible to properly finish any of the tasks. So far the only idea I've had is to become so efficient that I can still get away with focusing on them one by one.
  • Surely yoga masters who have integrated their practices deep into their everyday life must have encountered the same issue. 
  • How do yoga masters handle congestion of time (assuming that it can be called that way)?
Uncle thought for a few minutes, and said:
  • Yoga masters would probably see it differently. They would contemplate about what it means to experience that.
I thanked him for his advice, as it answered the question.

He often cited "Lingvistiline mets" by Valdur Mikita, a semiotician. I thought I wouldn't have the time to read it. Though, while crossing the sea with the ferry, I did have enough time to open the book from a random page and read a few pages. It was amazing. It answered a question I had forgotten I even had:
  • Why am I in Estonia where there are no pyramids, no temples or ancient ruins of any sort? There's no hidden knowledge here.
According to the book, there's a lot of hidden knowledge in the forests and bogs of Estonia. The nature has remained more-or-less untouched since the Ice Age, and some of it probably predates the Ice Age. The author proposed the idea of tasking the local shamans and witches with uncovering the hidden knowledge and building a sort of consciousness accelerator into the ancient times.

That's another potential global goal for mankind: To uncover our forgotten past.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Holiday

Related to the "Goals" post, one of the goals of mankind could also be
  • Evolve to adapt to any environment and elegantly resolve any situation.

Yay, I'm officially on a holiday now and I can visit the summerhouse again. Yesterday I enjoyed a workday, knowing that I'm officially on holiday anyway. Nerd.

Slept a lot on Saturday, went to bed early, took the "vampire sleeping pose" and started releasing tension from the body, while maintaining focus on the crown. This resulted in about 10 moments of clarity per hour. Tried getting out of body during a few of these, but as the body had not fallen asleep properly, it didn't work too well. Tried levitating out of body as well, but that didn't work either. Nevertheless felt really fresh the next morning.

Thought of applying the same exercise last night. However, I had worked late, so I fell asleep in the "vampire sleeping pose". Typically I can't sleep in that pose. Woke exhausted today morning, with a rainy weather. Even when going to bed late, it's necessary to meditate before falling asleep.

Oh, I was wondering why the head seemed thick and why the teeth were hurting a bit. Apparently one of the wisdom teeth has come through the gums.