Welcome

The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Thursday, December 31, 2015

Tired

Those 3 days of testing in the lab about 12 hours straight each day really stretched my concentration to the limits. Had to re-focus several times and just prior the end of the last test, I made quite a few mistakes already.

Slept long, and slept twice today. Leaked some energy on purpose, to make room for flow. No longer feeling as tired, but still I don't feel like working today nor tomorrow. So, that leaves the weekend for work again.

Remembered that I saw a sparrow enter my room at some night. That made me a bit happier. Last night I had some sort of a realization, which I can't quite recall at the moment.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Seagulls

A dream where I noticed a bunch of seagulls on the balcony. Friendly-waved at them from the bed. I didn't mind if they came in, so they did. A couple of them flew straight to the living room, a couple of them flew to me and started playing with my index fingers (biting them carefully so that they wouldn't hurt me). They looked similar to penguins (grey seagulls?) and were rather large.

There was another dream but forgot it.

There was a party at work today. Spent another 11.5 hour workday in the lab. I was a bit stressed, wondering if I could make it for at least 2 days off on Saaremaa during the New Year's Eve. I guess it has been 1.5 years since the last time I briefly visited the relatives there. It takes about 5 hours to get there (bus + ferry + bus + a relative with a car). And I still need at least one more 8 hour workday in the lab + a few workdays for analyzing the results. In 8 minutes, it's already December 30th (never mind, already is).

Anyway, gave up on it as it's almost impossible to make it there in time. Also gave up on the party. That made me happy(er).

I've been there on Saaremaa for a lot of nights, non-physically. That'll have to do for now.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Concentration

Although this subtle attitude towards everything is the key, that's not quite it. There's a key ingredient that cannot be put in words. Calling it attitude is a very rough approximation.

Concentration has improved a bit. Last night I focused on an imaginary point on the ceiling. A good method for OBE practice. Started losing body awareness right away. Reflexes kicked in and drew me back. Then focused on the crown, visualizing a mini-me meditating there in full lotus pose. Then a mini-me meditating on the crown of the mini-me, and so on recursively. Immediately felt an effect, even though the effect was more noticeable when I drew focus back.

There have been a few moments when sexual energy has become active, but then turned into waves of heat moving up the body. Recently there have been alternating waves of heat, then waves of cold.

The weather has finally caught up with the season. Waiting at the bus stop for 18 minutes was not as easy as I thought it would be. Visualized a strong upward flow of energy for most of the time. Spiced it with a visualization of heat emission from thermonuclear fusion. Almost worked. Though, it was not as effective as I would have hoped.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Crutch

Visited graveyard and church with grandparents. Sang along and found that singing helps heart and throat chakras quite a bit. Attempted pk on one of the chandeliers and on a cloth hanging from the bishop's podium. No visible success. It seemed easier to manipulate the brochure with song lyrics. Tried to make it fold itself. The effect was small but visible (the far edge rose about 1 cm, not more).

For several times throughout the past few days, I've been quite close to the channels opening. Almost, but not quite.

Feeling this urge + mild sadness for something that is out of reach and out of this world. Again.

The church Christmas program made me feel sorry for all the people. The religion is like a crutch that people like to lean on while minding their daily business. One one hand, they're sad because they cannot walk or stand upright without the crutch. On the other hand, they're sad because they don't want to leave the crutch. This is not only a problem for religious people; everyone is raised this way, as our whole society has sprung from religion.

About Jesus. Realized how similar his actions (and depicted appearance) were to that of the Quetzalcoatl. Jesus also taught people to learn to live without the crutch (which contradicted with the first testament that seemed more geared towards a race of slaves).

Bought a lot of games via Steam. Undertale is a true gem, IMHO. Basically, the idea is that there has been a war between monsters and humans. Monsters are creatures without bodies (just souls), who can consume weak souls. Humans often have souls much more powerful than the most powerful monsters. However, afraid of the monsters, humans killed and cast them into the underground. Thanks to the difference in the soul strength, in most of the fights it is possible to learn the mind of the monster and defeat them without even fighting. The game is .. well .. a bit girly, but full of unexpected events and funny, too.

Monday, December 21, 2015

Far does the road take you.

For the past two days I've been standing at the laptop again. Which has caused a bad habit for the cat. He would try to climb me to see what I'm working on. With his claws penetrating my skin, I'm not very fond of it. I've been trying my best at expressing that I don't like it. Sometimes I've visualized my skin being made of steel or blackboard, screeching against the cat's claws and teeth very uncomfortably. Sometimes this makes him go away. Sometimes it doesn't. Anyway, standing at the laptop for hours makes a full-lotus pose meditation session very appealing. So, meditated a lot. In addition to meditating, I also slept a lot during the day yesterday.

A few nights ago in a dream, there was a police officer behind a car. In my opinion, he was acting strange. In any case, he wanted to demonstrate some new technology. It was some sort of a lightbeam weapon but not a laser. At close range, it had little to no effect. Its beam converged at a distance and turned air into plasma, which then splattered. To me it seemed rather dangerous and I thought he was using it carelessly. Anyway, he pointed it at about 1 meter from a man at a 100 meter distance or so. It seemed he shocked the man without causing any harm. He explained that the plasma was quite harmless, which I didn't believe. At some moment I thanked him and continued into the building, for a meeting of some sort. I think later I also looked back at the building. It was odd. An exaggeratedly futuristic version of a glass box (with domes and spheres that served no functional purpose).

Last night I tried to OBE. Didn't quite get there .. I think. Nevertheless, in the relaxed state, I sometimes saw through closed eyelids. I saw something black (one of the blankets?) just in front of me, and a bright light just to my right, above the head. This happened 3 times. Also, once I experienced a loud popping sound in my left ear. This reminded me of the bubble construct I once tossed at father's head (which probably felt similar when it popped). For some time, I breathed different. Somehow I was breathing deeply whereas the body was barely breathing at all. Each breath affected not the lungs but the central channel.

Cool dreams. Or, at least some of them. In one of them, I sat up on the bed and discussed something with uncle's widow. She appeared on the balcony and spoke from there, since there's a barrier around the room. I could both see her as well as not, as she was behind the wall and I was a cloud of consciousness both facing towards her through the window as well as facing away from her .. as well as sleeping in the bed. OBE-like, but not vivid enough in my opinion.

Another dream. I'm at home, wondering how to pimp the apartment. Since I'm more-or-less living here alone now. Well, sister is also here, when she's here (currently away). For a few nights I had been thinking of installing a sauna heater in the bathroom. Well, last night as I was explaining it to father, I thought: "What the heck am I thinking? This does not make sense." At some moment, Mom also visited the place. You know how it works in dreams, they just pop up .. without special effects, of course. Also, in the dream I had quite a bit of money on the bank account, so I looked around for a car to buy. Observed them in a similar way (just popped in and around the car as a cloud of consciousness and looked at it from every angle). In reality .. nope, dream .. I found myself observing a car I wouldn't even call a car, similar to the absurdity of the sauna heater thought =D. I don't even. Never mind.

Tired of sleeping, woke up and pulled the phone out of the pocket. As soon as I did that, its alarm went off (latency in the order of 0.1 s). Wow, haven't been that accurate in wake-up timing for .. err .. I don't know.

As I entered a bus today (and fancied about pk and enlightenment subjects), an old lady came and asked me: "How far does it take you?" I didn't get it, since a bus usually takes you as far as you let it take you (depends on the bus stop one goes off the bus, right?). Eventually I answered: "It's number 3." She scorned at the answer and repeated her question, which now seemed like a sentence: "Far does the road take you."

Every time I enjoy a slight breeze, a storm picks up. Missed a bus from work to town again and waited for another one. The stormy wind made it a bit too cold.

Thank you Reddit for Igorrr. I've been listening to Igorrr and Corpo-Mente albums for days now.




Friday, December 18, 2015

Plugging the leaks

I was rather pissed off yesterday. Like .. it's all daisies until something is actually needed and then everyone just disappears and I end up having to do it by myself, almost without any help. Moreover, they expect me to get it done in time and have extra time for meetings and paper-pushing. I was under the impression that we had everything we needed for testing, but still had to spend most of yesterday on hacking together some testing equipment. The guy whom I invited for helping me prepare stuff for testing, disappeared even before the workday was over. Then there were also small things like a lot of components flying off from between the tweezers, a toggle switch becoming mechanically broken, the testing equipment not working up to specs and missing the bus back to town. I was angry enough to start walking back home on foot (around 30 km), but since I didn't have hiking socks and had a lecture the next morning, I decided to go back to work. Well, a coworker provided lift so that I didn't have to wait for the last bus. Got home and spent most of the evening (or what was left of it) on fixing the leaks in pipework. Found it strange that the cold water pipe was under so much pressure .. water even kept running when I closed the flow. Once finished with that, I realized the symbolism of plugging energy leaks.

This highlighted detachment for me again. Though, it did not trigger it completely.

Very interesting features within the dreams. Inspired from Reapers in Mass Effect?

I tried some sort of technology (a small platform for moving around), and then looked back at a recording of myself trying the technology. Noticed that there were tiny white butterflies around me at places. They were slightly transparent sources of light, changing their shape so that they resembled butterflies flapping their wings while remaining locked in space around the body. The largest one was right in front of the third eye. Perhaps at a distance of 5-10 mm. The body and its movements seemed very vivid and life-like. However, the recording did not stop when I thought it should / would. This triggered a realization of some sort. Can't really explain it. Interpretation: the recording technology was actually the main target of the dream. It worked on its own without operators and it was not man-made.

Another interesting feature. A false awakening, where my laptop woke up on its own, logged in and started a video game. I just stared at it from the bed, repeating the WTF? mantra. There was some sort of a faint clicking or crackling sound coming from somewhere. Couldn't determine the source.

Another feature in the dreams. Someone random approached me on the street and made compliments. Rarely do random people interact with random people and say things like that out of the blue.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

BlarRbbB

Disappointed in Mass Effect. Good ideas but they've turned it into yet another mediocre third-person shooter. The quests and dialogues don't hold a candle to Fallout 2 nor Shadowrun. On the other hand it's all for the better - boosts my enthusiasm about game development ;).

I joined reddit for others' interesting stories of the weird(s). A list of faves, so far:

Played with the sensation of levitation again last night before falling asleep. Cranked some more power into the sensation, which yielded a mild headache. Stopped.

Exceptionally boring dreams. Today at work wasn't very encouraging. So I wasn't in the right mood for the ethics course. I was about to claim my usual seat after entering the classroom, when the speaker right next to me croaked a loud ...::BlarRbbB::... That startled me a bit. Though, it's not the first time that this has happened in that classroom:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com.ee/2015/11/a-bit-of-bindu-and-geisting.html

The ceiling lamps at the corridor and living room have also been acting a bit strange recently. Flickering and crackling when I switch them on.

Although I haven't focused on the crown for a while, it has become more active. Today at work, just prior to lunch I felt a familiar sensation at the pineal gland. It's a sort of emptiness, pressure, cold and heat, combined with the feeling of well-oiled gears.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Dualistic oldtown

Well, another wet dream last night. Not exactly a dream. Simply crouched in the bed once, which triggered the leak.

Interesting dreams, though. Spent most of the time with a group of Germans at various places. I was a bit amazed at my own voice again. Had the deep voice and a somewhat more impulsive persona.

The dreams were cut with something more OBE-like, where I popped up at some castle ruins in the old town somewhere. I moved around, touching as many surfaces as possible, trying to maintain the vividness of the experience. Walked through a doorway, down the stairs and came to a larger room, half of which had been completely destroyed (bombed?). There were no walls and the ruins were on a small hill, so I could see quite far. In the distance, I saw the old town continue in both directions (to my left as well as to my right). In both directions, there were tall towers. The design on the towers as well as on the cathedrals and the rest of the buildings reminded me of Italian style. So I thought: "Is this in .. Italy?" I found it strange, that in both directions there would be similar buildings. Also, two towers and so close together .. a town with dualistic nature?

After that one, I popped back into the group of friends with a few Germans whom I did not know personally. It turned out that our bus + plane wouldn't leave in time. So we took an alternative route back home. We boarded some sort of a transport vehicle that merely consisted of white metal bars. It resembled a rather crude and simplified rope cart or rope train. Didn't see the rope, though. Although it ascended slowly, it took quite a bit of effort to hold on to the bars so that I wouldn't fall off. It went quite high, too. Eventually I just woke up (back).

The Germany-related prefix and suffix made me reconsider my "Italy?" thought. Though, the architecture did not look German, not to me, at least. Haven't been there, either.

Forgot to post this, but about a week ago I tried pk on a couple of flags while waiting for a car to work. The two flags were protruding from the entrance of a school building just across the street. Had the flags flap against each-other. Then tried to rotate the flags upward. Eventually that also worked. Noticed that one of the flags had curled around the pole more than the other. Uncurled it while keeping the other flag the same.

Wind and flags are very responsive to intent.
An old post from 2010 on a similar exercise.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

The place of focus

Visited a friend's place again. This is the second time I've been there and the place still has the same effect on me. It focuses everything. When I close my eyes, I see all the random thoughts and noise converging into a single dot, until they disappear altogether.

Sexual energy has gone berserk again, though. The past week was quite challenging. Today I had 3 wet dreams in a row, which is exceptionally embarrassing while visiting friends.

Had countless OBEs at night. Popped up at random places and moved around, trying to improve the vividness of the experience with visualizations. For example, touched the asphalt, grass, ice, and tried to feel them with all the details. Some of the OBEs lasted fairly long, too. At first I couldn't fly around or phase through walls very well, as the experience faded when I tried. While flying or phasing, I couldn't focus on the solidity and the tactile details of the environment .. which made it lose its solidity.

Monday, December 7, 2015

Robotex 2015


My voice (and persona?) changed, for the tech exhibition stand at Robotex. Met a lot of interesting people there, too :). Wondered where Kevin was. Took a photo of the crowd with a satellite tele-lens and behold .. Kevin was on the photo. A lot of people. Really a lot. Would've been nice if I had also met PsiKristjan, who participated in a competition.

Had a lot of interesting dreams at nights. Not only I, but other people also had interesting dreams (a colleague even had sleep paralysis or something OBE-like).

For most of the time, I was observing others and their dreams, aware that I was dreaming. Once they drove their dreams to something that I knew would resonate with me in a bad way. Then I unlinked myself from their dreams, avoiding amplification of undesired emotions.

Also noticed that almost in each dream, after a while, sexual content popped up. Usually walked past those ads and through a wall.

All in all, all the dreams were amazingly lucid. Well, reality was as well..

Finally got to try out Occulus Rift. Tried to merge in. Didn't lose body awareness fully, though.

Took up this clapping thing from the dream in the previous blog post. Applied it to startle the cat from his hatred when I forbid something (such as scratching my backpack or crawling into the cables and wires of computers). So far it seems to be working better than saying "No" or "Stop that".

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Laser of sound

Yesterday morning I had some sexual dreams. No leaks, which is good.

Hmm .. cat has been quite violent today. It doesn't seem like showing the scratching pole helps. Each time he bites, I've been calmly taking him to the pole and showing that the pole is for biting and scratching (have done that about 20 times per day .. today for about 50 times already). It does not seem that he understands. Seems to be an intelligent cat, but it's the simple things.

On another note, I've come to notice that stuff happens so that the cat seems to be getting what it wants. For example, the cat keeps climbing onto the table (forbidden) to investigate the tomato. Anyway, a while later I'm eating a sandwich with tomato slices. One of the slices slides off and splats against the floor, right in front of the cat. Today I was eating tortilla chips. Saw the cat come into the kitchen and wondered if he also wants a chip. Then on its way to my mouth, the chip got entangled into the bag somehow and flew off. While it was airborne, I thought the whole chip was a bit too large for the cat. It bounced off the edge of a chair and split into two pieces, the smaller was a neat size for the cat and landed in front of the cat. The larger piece I picked up and ate myself. One day I cut sausage. The cat was .. well, obviously interested. It somehow happened that the knife cut through the sausage rather abruptly and the slice of sausage flew off the table. Splat .. in front of cat's face. Again I'm like: "That wasn't planned but in the end it didn't turn out too bad, either". The list goes on and on.. This has me wondering what's going on. Like, is my body somehow taking care of the cat on its own (without waiting for the approval of my rational mind). Or is the cat psychokinetic?

Yesterday I walked a short distance without the jacket. It wasn't that cold anyway. Though, later got shivers again. Oh well .. perhaps I wasn't ready yet.

At home, I encountered two sharp pain strikes in the perineum. Then it felt as if a blockage had dissolved, with energy moving up the column easier than before.

Laid down in bed and realized something interesting. I had no interest in visualization, but I was convinced I knew the sensation of producing very strong sounds with psychokinesis. I could feel the sensation in the mouth, I could feel it in the lips. It felt as if the air would start vibrating like a liquid or solid, but coherently. Some time ago I was a bit fascinated by the resonance that formed during whistling. Back then I practised whistling in and whistling out, so that I could whistle continuously without having to breathe. Whistling inward produced the strong resonance of the air / wind within the body, making it easy to feel. By reproducing this feeling, I'm pretty sure it's possible to generate sounds from thin air. I want to be able to make the Tibetan bowls sing, remotely.

Had interesting dreams with a lot of spiritual symbolism. However, one of them really stood out. There was some sort of a vicious non-physical creature chasing me. The environment was pretty (nice sunrise, clear sky and a lot of trees) and I took the whole thing calmly. I think I teleported away again and while waiting for the creature, it came to mind that a yell would help. I don't want to yell (not in favour of the style). Realized that when powered by psychokinesis, a clap could be as powerful. Clapped once, and sensed life within a radius of a few hundred meters become startled and momentarily paralyzed. Woke up and saw centres or spots within the body, which became pretty hot when I "looked" at them with my mind's eye. Each glance with the mind's eye caused not one, but a pattern of burning spots. Just like when looking at the sun, "purple" spots of desensitized light sensors appear .. the burning spots appeared in the mind's eye after looking at something powerful. Eventually the heat of the spots wore out, and the whole body was sort of covered in the warmed regions :). Shifted back to the standard state of mind again, and noticed I was sweating quite a bit.

Finally got at least 7.5 hours of sleep last night. Yay. Something sweet to think back on, after tonight's maximum of 3 hours of sleep.