RV on weird places

Heard a few quite loud snapping sounds today morning. It's weird things snapping: window glass, wallpaper on the wall and something on my table.

Watched more of those Jerry Wills expedition videos. One of them was exceptionally interesting - the Arizona's time portal and the interview with Ron Quinn. The interview contained so much information during such a short amount of time that my head started to hurt =P. Some fresh air helped.

Then watched The Grand Canyon expedition, which was a bit boring, but Jerry mentioned that there was a Remote Viewer with them, who claimed to have seen a place nearby their expedition.

It was around 1 AM that I meditated and tried to remote view Sillustani. It was dark and blurry, so I couldn't see many details. I was on a stone that was partly out of the ground. When I wanted to see the symbol on it, I saw an upside-down T (doesn't seem like a symbol to me).

Well, actually there are a few stone towers and each of them has one stone with a symbol (lizard, snake, lightning) on it and I guess that some of those symbol stones are missing from the towers.

I tried remote viewing on the Arizona time portal as well. Couldn't see anything there, so I just waited. An idea came to my mind: if Ron Quinn had felt static electricity when something weird happened, then it could be that the quartz crystals get electrostatically charged with dry wind blowing on them. I suddenly felt like I had lost the part of me that I had dispatched to the location. A short time later I felt it just being far away (thought it had gone through the portal or something). I started seeing some really quick clips along with the feeling of the old times when there were still incan people wandering around. I remember seeing one of them in close-up, then a few of them dancing or something. I also saw some kind of a wheel cart, I guess. Can't remember any more clips. I thought maybe I could travel somewhere from there on, to see some clips of the past of some other places like Teotihuacan or Ti Wa Nacu or something. I think I saw a quick picture and a feeling, but I'm not sure anymore.

I took the "lost" part of me back and when I felt it had arrived, I tried to remote view the stone walls near the time portal - it was supposed to be a place where people have felt not being wanted there. Well, it did feel like that. So, I tried to ask what they were guarding there then. A picture of the Bermuda islands and recognized the similarity between those two places. A similar thing to the Arizona time portal is working down in Bermuda as well, although there haven't been any recent news about it and I had totally forgotten about it (actually, I had a hard time trying to remember the name of it while writing it down). I left, but I couldn't resist the curiosity to go there again later.

The meditation and RV attempts took only about 20 minutes. The RV attempts really got me dizzy and tired. My RV is quite awful and I guess that most of what I saw is probably just analytical overlay (induced by my thoughts and memories of the videos) anyway. However, if at least some tiny details of it were true (who knows?), then it would already be awesome.

Went to bed, but wandered off to the cave near the Arizona time portal again at 6 AM, when I couldn't sleep anymore (again =D). I saw a picture of a rotting head covered with crystallized salt that had probably dripped down from the ceiling of the cave. Then I saw some slimy water dripping down into the dust on the ground. Well, not very pleasant and it reminded me of what the researchers claimed to have seen in their dreams when they had reached the coffin of The Ice Maiden. A clear sign of being an unwanted and annoying guest.

Motivation from sister

There were some busy days and some with insufficient sleep (I realized that I hadn't eaten anything for 12 hours and took a fat slice of fatty ham before going to bed XD).

Talked with my father about the conversation with Zeanoth in the PsionAcademy chatroom (the subject is explaining psi via physics). Reached the conclusion that not being able to draw enough psi during a cold winter is probably just another mind-block of mine - I should be able to draw from the Sun or from the center of the Earth anyway.

My sister said she was bored and that she had just meditated recently so that she wanted to do something else for change. =P That motivated me to start practicing these things again.

Meditated for a few minutes during the day. I felt dizzy and started to get sick. Took a vitamin pill. I guess I need to clean my psi pipes again as there might be some blockages again.

Meditated for 30 minutes in the evening, listening to some chillout ambient music. After a few minutes, I felt like falling into a dream. Well, I stopped and came to reality again before it happened. I then noticed how I subconsciously started playing around with psi again (made a psi cushion that pushed my back forward, let it fall back again and so on..). I visualized myself rising and a few minutes later, the chair was snapping for some reason. I thought I just couldn't feel my body well enough anymore and it had started to lean forward or something.

We were watching some funny laughing videos from the youtube and it occurred to me that Jerry Wills probably has uploaded a few new videos of temples, pyramids and so on in the XpeditionsTV. Watched those videos till 1:45 AM.

The third episode of your dreams

A neighbor came and requested a change for the custom-made astrology chart yesterday. Before he left, he said something weird though:

He: Do you watch dreams?

Me: Of course.

He: You should definitely watch this time - it's going to be interesting. 
The third episode.

And when he left, his last look reminded me of a crazy scientist (I have never noticed that before). It didn't make any sense to me. I thought maybe he had meant some show or something, but when I looked it up, I couldn't find anything even related to this.

I meditated before going to sleep so that I could fall asleep with a blank mind. Usually, when I don't have a blank mind before going to sleep, I see some every-day stuff that's not interesting at all. I just forced my mind to be clear whenever I found that it became foggy of random wandering thoughts.

While meditating, the left side of my body eventually started to hurt and I healed it by replacing the energy. The energy flow was slow, but it was there and after a few minutes, I started feeling healthy again. I have no idea where or how could I have damaged it though..

Well, the dreams were more interesting than the ones a day or two before. But while I was dreaming, I thought: "That's interesting, but not as interesting as I would have expected."

Maybe the message was more for my sister - when I mentioned what the neighbor had said, she asked: "What the heck, what kind of powers does he have?"

Scythian Ice Maiden

Downloaded Nexuiz yesterday morning and started playing those nostalgic deathmatches (you know, those instagibs with hooks and stuff back in the days of Quake ]|[ Arena). I had difficulties at first, but then I sometimes found myself in a somewhat different mindset where I wasn't thinking about anything, didn't care about the game or the results and nothing. What was interesting though, was that in such a mindset I tended to randomly look around and hit the 'fire' button. Well, most of the time, there was someone in the way and got hit - so I scored quite a number of frags in a few seconds before I came out of the mindset again.

So, it's my mind blocking these things again. I realized that it's similar to psionics - I kind of trance out, see it moving and then wake up, all excited. But when I'm excited, nothing happens anymore.

Vacation has made me lazy again - the exams are over and now I'm having a hard time to motivate myself to do anything.

Actually, the "not feeling any psi around me" excuse is a bad one as well - who said I always had to draw from Earth. It's difficult for me to draw from the Sun now - well, I have never done that and didn't manage to succeed in it yesterday. Maybe it's another mindblock, but it seems to me that the more complex and longer paths I create for the flow of psi, the more psi is absorbed on the way.

There are 2 tables in my room and I noticed that the other one was snapping again today (haven't heard any snapping for a few days). Well, I have heard a sound that's not snappy - it was as if one of the neighbors had something fall and bounce on their window glass every once in a while. It was somewhat annoying and as I couldn't figure out it's source, I couldn't fall asleep very easily.

My father said he saw a cool documentary on the Scythian Ice Maiden in the Altai mountains. The one he saw was really awesome, but I couldn't find it - it had been some low-quality video or something on a Russian channel. I found a BBC one that has a lot of interesting details left out. It seems that there are those funny coincidences at work again.

Father said that this place had a strange magnetic anomaly that seemed to have been affected by the people in the area. There had been someone with them who didn't feel very well and had started to call names. He left and when he did, the magnitude of the magnetic anomaly had risen about 30 times or something.

There are rumors that one of the archaeologists had found a cave with interesting drawings. He entered the cave, started feeling weird. Then there was a gap in his memory and then he woke again, right in front of the cave. Colleagues said he had been lost for a few days.

When the archaeologists reached the coffin, they started seeing bloody nightmares in their dreams. When they had managed to defrost the mummy and wanted to transport it, all of their cars stopped working - so they ordered a helicopter. While on their way, the helicopter engine suddenly died out and they had to perform an emergency landing. Then they somehow managed to transport it to some lab or something, but the fridge had suddenly broken down and when they opened the door, the mummy was degenerating and there were fungus growing on it already.

A rumor has it that earthquakes have started to appear in the area for the first time after the mummy was taken away from the burial grounds.

Killer exam

The exam in electricity & magnetism really was a killer - there were quite a lot of questions about the specifics of some technological inventions. Getting an 'A' would be really far-fetched. I guess I should be happy with a 'C' or something. But well, let's see - I answered all the questions so there's a possibility that most of them are right.

Edit: I got a 'C'. I barely got enough points so that I didn't fall through (exam was 67 / 100 and total points 78 / 100). It's interesting that I got the 4th place among all of the participants, but it's pretty far from an 'A' anyway. So, another miss from the perspective of micro-PK practice. Well, there's still the oral exam - _maybe_ I can better my results there. =/

Edit: Edit: I messed up a few times at the oral exam. The professor even said: "How can someone with your level make such a mistake?" I answered: "My level is probably too low for this.." and he said it was a 7th grade math problem. Well, once he showed me how it's actually done, I found it was elementary (Ohm's law =D), but still I had gotten it wrong in the exam. He even said that so far nobody has passed the exam with that mistake - he has bombed all of them, who have gotten it wrong.

Edit: Edit: Actually, it remembered me of a joke I made in the lecture - he was commenting the exams of year 2009 and said that it's embarrassing, how people don't know Ohm's law. Everybody laughed and I said to one of my buddies: "This time it's probably going to be me." That buddy answered: "No way man, it's gonna be me, who gets the Ohm's law wrong in the exam." Well, both of us did XD.

Edit: Edit: 2.5 hours of oral examination had made my head all foggy and the professor gave me a problem to solve to make it all up. Well, I integrated a minute or two and saw how wrong I had answered before. Then he asked me if I wanted to fight on for an 'A'. I was like: "What? No, my level probably won't reach that high." Wow, I had gotten a 'B' and an 'A' wouldn't have been so far-fetched at all.

Too cold for psi?

I listened to some ambient music yesterday and tried to meditate while listening to it. I found that it was way easier to get to deeper meditation states with meditation music than it was just by trying to concentrate on my breathing or heart beat. So, meditation music seems useful, but I still think that it could set a limit - only being able to meditate when listening to music.

I was listening to a rap radio station yesterday and noticed that there were at least 2-3 songs in a row with the content of "smokin' weed, aight" and so on..

So I saw a dream where my hip-hop friend had started smoking. I had followed him somewhere where there were lots of people around. He was there along with somebody else I couldn't recognize, but who also listened to what I had to say. I poured out everything I had against people around me smoking and felt that it really affected them.

Yup, it seems that I still have a problem with other people smoking. I thought I had gotten over it, but it seems that I still haven't. I remember that a year ago I couldn't take it when I saw women walking around with cigarettes in their mouths - I felt really disgusted. This is no longer the case - thought through the case of what if I fell in love with a smokard woman and got rid of this block, I guess. I just can't see the point behind smoking and if there's no point, then why are people doing this? Actually, exactly the same goes for drinking and narcotics and so on... I just can't understand the reason why would someone want so bad to destroy their body. It's way easier to do it in some other way anyway =P (sarcasm).

I had trouble with my fingers freezing. But then I asked myself: "Why am I whining about it, the only one who I can blame for it is myself - if I had practiced psionics enough, I wouldn't be here freezing right now.."

Couldn't feel much psi yesterday and can't feel much today. Father said it was logical - "It's so cold that most of the energy goes into warming yourself up." Well, I have never thought about it like that, but the last few days it has been more cold than the previous weeks (-16 with wind).

No psionics practice today again - electricity & magnetism exam tomorrow. Not nervous at all this time and in fact, I even had a hard time motivating myself to look those handouts through again.

Edit: Actually, I couldn't get any sleep until I had meditated and practiced at least some energy manipulation and PK. It has happened several times already that I can't sleep before an exam because of that - this probably means it's bad to not practice before exams although the results could be awful (psionic hangover).

Head hurts

I don't have a clue why, but my head hurts today. It's not a short-circuit, because the pain feels soft. The right side seems to hurt a bit more than the left side. A hangover from focusing on my right hemisphere for too long? I barely practiced any PK or levitation yesterday.

I thought the pain would go away if I slept for 2h. Well it didn't but after sleeping, in this half-dream state again, I heard a short blowing noise through my head and the pain lessened.

I have noticed some strange voices in this half-dream state before falling asleep or slightly before waking up. Quite recently I heard someone saying: "Very good". Actually, it reminds me of when I found myself gnashing the teeth during sleeping. Maybe I was talking in the dreams again or in the half-dream state..

I can hardly feel any psi today. Probably because of the headache?

PK warning

Slept for an hour during the day and saw some unpleasant dreams.

I saw that I was talking with my father about something in the living room and said that "You know, you shouldn't practice psionics when you don't have enough control over it." And when he said that, I thought "Oh no, not again.." as I heard something cracking in the corner. I had toasted some electronic device with my uncontrolled PK again. I tried to sleep on it in the living room. It seemed like a good chance of experiencing an OBE in the dream, but I thought I won't do it, just in case. I slowly started feeling a force that was trying to pull me out of my body against my will. I resisted and tried to hang on as strong as I could. The dream ended - I had been sleeping on my hand (uncomfortable positions sometimes result in unpleasant dreams).

My uncle spotted one of my tests in Analytical Mechanics and we started talking about Electricity & Magnetism and how it relates to psionics and paranormal. It was a really interesting, but lengthy discussion.


I tried to switch to my right hemisphere while meditating before sleep. Not a very successful attempt, although my left hemisphere calmed down more than my right hemisphere while meditating. Went to bed late again.

Coding, mostly..

Woke up at 8 AM again - well, I still didn't want to study much - the previous full 2 weeks of reading books and trying to understand and memorize formulas, derivations and stuff - it was just depressive.

So, I watched videos of a cool Ogre and Newton Game Dynamics project. I had decided on starting coding the survival-horror game using Ogre and Newton Game Dynamics a few days ago.

I was eating near my laptop and accidentally ::splat:: my spoon fell empty and there were drops everywhere except for my laptop. My t-shirt and pants were dirty, but even though the plate was just a few inches from the laptop, there wasn't even a single drop on it. A shield?

I haven't managed to sleep my mind fully clear, but I could already meditate on a blank mind for a short time. Every time I feel like practicing, however, I feel too tired to do it. Then lay down in the bed, my body feels really tired, but mind is all refreshed and I couldn't sleep. Well, sleeping during the day really messes up the sleeping pattern anyway.

An A?

Slept well and after waking up, I still felt like I could sleep on for hours. Went to sit the exam in Analytical Mechanics and my eyes could barely stay open.

Yesterday I visualized myself the Poisson bracket derivation, visualized Hamilton-Jacob equation derivation for a friend of mine, whom I knew was really afraid of the Noether's theorem. I had wished for everyone to get at least a C.

Sat the exam, and asked the result of my second test. To my surprise, it was just 5/10. Too bad, I thought and calculated that if I got absolutely everything right in the exam, I would probably have a slim chance that I got a B, but C would be the most probable.

Unfortunately, that friend of mine got exactly the version with the Noether's theorem. =/

And I didn't get Poisson brackets either, but at least I knew the answers.

While coming home, I thought that the derivation probably wasn't exactly what he had wanted. "Well, maybe he doesn't check the exams that thoroughly and just looks - Oh, nice, a full A4 of derivation, cool."

In the evening, it appeared that the exams had already been checked and I took a look at my grade - an A. WTF man, how's that possible?

I meditated some 10 minutes or so and focused on a blank mind. Some energy started building up and I started seeing a dark tunnel again. But this time there was some light in the end (not the deep meditation state this time). Actually, that light looked like some kind of a display that kept enlarging as I came closer to it. It became so large that I was barely able to focus on it entirely. But then, as I was still moving closer, I felt my face going into the wall of dense psi (that seemed as light at the end of the tunnel first or reminded me of a display). I just stopped meditating for a moment, I guess (can't remember exactly). In fact, I can't even be sure that I added this on the right day of the blog. Maybe it was a few days before? I forgot about it soon after the experience anyway.

Argh, brainfuck

I saw a dream that I was away on Saaremaa again, enjoying a vacation with the family. We went to sleep and I suddenly woke up early in the morning, looked at my mobile phone and remembered that there's an exam tomorrow and I have to get back or I'll miss one again. Went to the car and the dream changed, but I woke up. It was almost 8.00 again (a few minutes over) and I was really tired, but couldn't get any more sleep - had to start learning again. I asked it from my subconscious over and over and it didn't make any sense - I still always received the same "Yes" (even if I said I was tired and learning while being tired usually doesn't do any good).

Studied and well, I'm having trouble with understanding this stuff - especially the Noether's theorem and its derivation.

A schoolmate said that he couldn't even find anything about the man called Nöther.

I replied: "That's probably because she was a woman (Emmy Nöther)."

Why do woman-matematicians and woman-physicists make brainfuck theorems anyway?

Studied until I found that I was a bit messed up in the head. I still hadn't understood that Noether, but at least I had rehearsed most of the others before my head gave up. I couldn't write nothing anymore, I messed up everything and probably would have even failed in spelling my own name.

Tried to meditate, but couldn't control my thoughts anymore. I was so over-exhausted that I just saw a boring swordsfight with some other guys - it was boring because I could see both myself and the attacker in 3rd person. I gathered a lot of swords and then just made them disappear.

I was really tired, but I still managed to pull off another focus exercise - I was somewhere where there were two cliffs, one on my left and one on my right. Cars coming from the left had to cross it, so I built a bridge, but at the moment when I got it ready, the right cliff started crumbling down. I had to make the bridge longer and longer, but the bridge started to collapse as well. But then I realized: "Why do I always have to make things complicated. Why would I even need a bridge?" And I made an invisible plane that was coplanar with the cliff edges. As a matter of fact, both of the cliffs were on the same height, so once I created the plane, the other side of the cliff could crumble as much as it wanted - the plane still existed and it was more-or-less infinite (or just very big).

Self-doubt

I can't remember exactly, when I saw the dream, but I guess it was on this day. I was on Saaremaa again. There was a new Sauna building and my aunt seemed to be cooking something in there or something (I don't know). I entered and looked at the ceiling. There was one spot that was particularly interesting and actually even scary. The constructors had been careless and there were some iron bars or something (don't know the word) missing. Because of that, mortar started falling down, revealing the bricks. I just stood there, looking at the ceiling decaying above me. Then the room smoothly changed and I realized what my aunt had done - she had teleported us into her house (there's no word for such a building in English). I wondered, since when has she been able to do that - I haven't been successful in convincing her to learn psionics or even meditate.

I had wanted to study Analytical Mechanics enough for a good grade (well, relatively) and in the morning at about 8.00, Kevin called: "Were you sleeping? Ok, I'm going to call back later then." I couldn't get any sleep and asked my subconscious if I should start studying. I think I got a "Yes". So, as I had nothing else to do, I started studying.

Kevin didn't call back.

Practiced PK on two batteries for 32 minutes. I haven't seriously tried to move them so far - I couldn't even get the right feeling. After grounding a few times, my brain started feeling warm, but still nothing was moving.

I'm starting to doubt if I actually moved the aluminum soda can a few weeks ago. Maybe it was just wind after all. Well, I blowed on it yesterday and it twitched. And the book - maybe I just imagined it move, who knows?

It happened a few times that I saw one of the batteries moving / having moved, but when I blinked my eyes, everything was in the position I first put them. I don't know, but if I'll be able to twitch the batteries and record it, then I could hopefully be able to convince myself again..

Went to bed..
The slippery shield had already worn off in some places.
I recognized having violent thoughts or actually more like visualizations that form thoughts. I think I saw some black aura flying around inside me, grabbed it and threw it into the chamber where I have dissolved things for the last few days. This one didn't dissolve so easily. I really had to focus on it and visualize it becoming green. Once I could get the corners and a few edges of it green, the edges and corners that I didn't exactly focus on, grew black again. After some struggling, it finally turned green and stopped resisting so I took it back.

LOL, missed it

Woke up in the morning and it was just beautiful outside: the trees were all covered in white snow, the sky was clear and the sun shining..

"A perfect day for a successful attempt at the exam," I thought. "Too bad that I can't take any photos of it and when the exam is over, then it could have melted already."

Arrived in school and looked through my conspectus. It was strange that nobody else was there and started thinking: "Maybe it was 10 o'clock? No, it can't be - I have always thought that maybe I have missed it before a big exam and I have never missed any. So, this time can't be any different, can it?" A couple of guys left the room where the exam was supposed to take place and I didn't recognize them, but it hit me that they had an exam in electricity and magnetism, but then I thought: "It can't be and it probably isn't." I checked other rooms where the exam could possibly take place, but all of them were closed. So I came back to the first floor again and met a buddy on the hallway. He said: "You're approximately ..", looked at his clock and continued: "two hours late for the exam." I was like: "What? I had 12.00 in my notebook." and couldn't stop laughing XD. I talked with the lecturer and he said: "No problem, there are talented guys, who don't know how the read the clock or the calendar." I don't know what he meant, but I didn't read my calendar or clock wrong.

Anyway, it was the first time I had missed an exam and it wasn't even half as bad as I had feared. It means that I have 2x more time to study for the exam and that the current amount of knowledge and skills simply wouldn't have been enough for an A. I think that if I had taken a B instead of the A, then I wouldn't have kept the alarm at 8.30 and when I had woken up, I would have probably checked the time from the Study-Info-System (it should be correct there). It didn't even occurr to me once that I should check it from there though.

Noticed some snapping sounds again and heard things moving when they shouldn't have. There was nobody else home and I had been in my room for an hour or two when a recycle bin lid fell down in the other room.

Tschingy advised me to clean myself from so called "psionic garbage". I meditated and took some things off me and threw them into a chamber where I dissolved them. Having pulled most of those weird things off me, I started feeling pain in my right lung. There seemed to be a psi-hole in there. I stuffed it, but wrong - the pain didn't go away. So I just meditated some more and while refreshing my energy, the pain eventually faded away. Finally I shielded myself with a slippery film to keep garbage from building up. Let's see if it works.

When I was meditating on the bed, the old TV that I have next to my bed, suddenly snapped pretty loud. A few hours later again, I was in the livingroom, scanning my conspectus and heard a weird sound from the wall or the ceiling (somewhere near the edge). Can't describe the sound very well - couldn't recognize it. It's probably the meditation that helps me notice these things - I'm too used to those sounds already.

Studied for another exam and practiced PK for 20 minutes. Nothing happened again..

No practice today

Saw some dreams with no psionic content, but I woke up refreshed.

Finished studying for the exam and started searching for some PK videos again. This one seems pretty cool. Then there's a guy teaching psychokinesis and someone who claims to be a teacher - I don't know, at least it's good for my motivation..

Tomorrow's the exam - shouldn't practice anything. Well, the fact that I've finished studying doesn't mean that everything is perfectly clear to me. There's simply too much material for that, but this shouldn't be a problem. I mean, I've been to every lecture and seminar and read the book (more or less twice) - so, I just have to be able to perform well at the exam.

Set the alarm for 8.30 so that if the exam starts at 12, I would be able to look some things through before the exam.

Well, off for some meditation before going to sleep..
I concentrated on the noise and got rid of the wandering thoughts. I got into an argument with my subconscious after visualizing an A:

consciousness: I'll get an A.
subconsciousness: Nope, a B.

consciousness: I'll get an A.
subconsciousness: Nope, a B.

consciousness: I'll get an A, because I have already worked through everything at least once - there's nothing new for me.
subconsciousness: Ok, an A it is then.

Switched the alarm to 10.30 so that I could sleep longer and didn't have to work through anything in the morning before the exam.

Wanted to continue meditation, but with every second of it I felt getting more pumped with psi - a really bad thing to happen before an exam. This usually means that I either have to drain myself of psi or risk not getting enough sleep. I only tried to drain a little, but it obviously wasn't enough - I could sleep, but still not well enough. I also tried to avoid focusing on things and lacked control over my thoughts because of that - another reason why I couldn't sleep very well.

Lost motivation

The reading took my motivation to practice PK. While I was reading yesterday, I sometimes tried to turn the pages or move the book in front of me, but it got duller every hour.

Maybe I'm just out of some minerals / vitamins or something, or I'm just tired. Need to take studying and practicing a bit more seriously tomorrow..

My mind was all cluttered with stuff, so I meditated a few minutes. I didn't want to push thoughts out of my head, I wanted to see beyond it. It took effort, but I then managed to focus through the clutter a few times and when I did, I started to feel the psi of my room again. It's strange how it seems more difficult to focus on only one thing with my eyes closed than with my eyes open. But I think it's just that I can't see how busy and tired my mind is with my eyes open.

Not exactly sure on the date again, but I guess it was on this day .. well, I have actually forgotten about it every time I start writing things into the blog. I meditated and thought I should solve the focus exercise with the manger full of fish and water. I messed with it, could keep it upright for some seconds, but then I thought I would like to keep the risks down and shielded the openings of the mangers. Being shielded, the fish and water no longer fell out of the manger while I turned it upside down. Now it was really easy to focus it being constantly upright.

Reading marathon

Saw another cool dream in the morning. There were two guys with pistols and started firing at me. I managed to build a force-bubble that stopped the bullets just like in the Matrix. When they were out of ammo, I bent their barrels and they ran away as fast as they could. It took so much focus and psi that I even felt I can barely handle it.

So, today was the day when I took and read the electricity and magnetism book for 12h with only a few snack breaks. It was "deliciously flavoured" with mathematical derivations and proofs. =P Fun.

After one of the snack breaks, I felt tired and laid on my back (I could do this, because I don't have snot stuck in my head anymore). I was tired, but I didn't want to sleep for long - needed to read on soon. Enjoyed a short dream and suddenly heard & felt the deep inhale sound again, as I re-entered my body. Looked at the clock and realized that I had slept deeply for only 10 minutes.

Some 30 pages of the 300 page book are still to be read, but at least 20 pages of it is quite pointless anyway, so I guess I could read it tomorrow morning.

Played F.E.A.R. 2 Demo till 3.30 AM.

First nightmare

Saw the first scary dream in over 4-5 or even more years this morning. I was in a place reminding me of Saaremaa, but the yard was a lot bigger. We were somewhere in front of one of the sheds, talking with some guys about some subjects I can't remember. There were 2-3 cows at the other end of the yard (near the cow stable) and some people around them. The most important cow however, was in a cage on a truck at the center of the yard. We had to let the cow out, so I had opened the cage and thought there was still time to talk - it could leave the cage whenever it wanted to. The cow in the cage had lost one horn, but the other was still sharp. It was constantly looking at the shed (don't know why). Then someone said: "You should drive the cow out of the cage." I stopped talking and went before the cow (while still outside of the cage), slightly hit the cage with my hands to make the cow go backwards. It rushed out of the cage, towards the other cows and stabbed one with its remaining horn. It stabbed so deep that its only remaining horn fell off. A few seconds later the cow was coming towards me fast. I had no time and I had to succeed in levitation fast. I gathered as many layers / as much mass of myself and flew towards the shed, thinking that maybe I could hide in there while the cow calms down, but then I realized that it never does. I couldn't do anything against that cow, because I cared about it. I changed the direction and swooshed up and kept flying until I saw the Earth below me. Woke up suddenly.

After having woken up, I realized that I have made this mistake so many times. There are always friends I need to talk to even though I might be talking with other friends. I kept thinking: "I have to change this."

Remembered another dream. I was in some unknown room with old wooden shelves in front of me. I practiced pyrokinesis on something that was in my hand (reminds me of a tablet or something). It started giving off some smoke and when it did, I put it on the table. Can't remember what I was doing there except for the short pyrokinesis practice.

Practiced PK for 32 minutes in the evening. I felt the floor getting colder where I pulled psi from - I don't want to disturb the neighbors with drawing straight from the ground 4 floors down. I usually visualized the roots running through the walls into the ground, avoiding any objects or empty rooms. Couldn't visualize it so strongly this time, so I started pulling psi from the balcony. I guess I tried to move things too hard - pressure started building up in my chest. I still tried to keep the pressure down, because I have gotten pain in the area, when I first started practicing PK 2 years ago.

Tricking motivation

Actually, I think I know why my subconscious acted like that - if I got a crappy score for that exam, it would provide a great motivation boost for studying for next exam. The next exam is supposed to be the 1st or 2nd most difficult exam in physics bachelor studies - electricity and magnetism. Furthermore, I set a goal to score an 'A' for electricity and magnetism.


Today's exam didn't seem difficult at all - we had to choose the right answers and solve a few problems. The right answers reminded me of physics exam in high school - I played bingo (random with some logic factor) and got a surprisingly high score (the highest in the whole school).

Mailed Kube (Azrael) because - well, he resigned from the admin position in PsionAcademy. Would've posted it in ALW, but then I realized how embarrassing it would be for him. I thought it could have been too offensive, but well, it expressed my feelings after having read his announcement.



Practiced PK on different objects by trying to feel them move in different ways. Couldn't practice for 30 minutes - at 25 minutes, I felt that my head was going to hurt soon and it did (left hemisphere again). 

I haven't noticed it before, but it's more difficult to move plastic, wood or metal than paper for me. The last years I only practiced on paper and I guess I've succeeded in limiting myself with another mindblock. 

My right foot started to tingle again like the psi pressure was too much for it. A few weeks ago the tingling became so uncomfortable that I couldn't ground myself anymore. I thought it was irrelevant and that I had just slept it crooked or something. This time I focused on psi flowing through my left leg and through the right hemisphere, but the problem is that I can't do anything with the right hemisphere .. yet (or again - it could be that something has happened and I'm running in some kind of safe mode).

Rebellious subconscious

The problems with studying for that exam continue.

Joined the satellite team (building the first Estonian satellite) for a lunch. I left my stuff home - wouldn't need them at the restaurant anyway. I thought that it was going to last for maybe 1.5 - 2 hours, but everything got dragged and then at the end of the lunch, someone asked: "the today's meeting takes place, right?" And it occurred to me that "Damn, I had totally forgotten that it's Tuesday." (There's a meeting every Tuesday)

Glanced at the clock and saw that there were only 1.5 hours until the meeting - no point in going home. However, I still managed to use most of it for studying though - used a school computer.

Well, the meeting started and again it dragged and lasted for full 2 hours. The last time there was a meeting that long was in September, I guess.

I'm a bit nervous about that exam, got to meditate some before going to bed. Looked at the clock - it was 11.39 PM - so, I only had 21 minutes, because I had set 0.00 as the maximal limit for going to sleep. Well, 8.5 hours is still not enough, but it was the least I could do.

Couldn't meditate in the usual position - leg started to hurt. Switched the legs and started meditating. Now that I had little time there was a new release of the focus exercise - a sharp-bottomed manger full of fish that constantly fell over with all the fish falling all over the ground. I tried a hack-solution - thought it would stay upright if I ran with it. It did, somewhat, but I felt that this wasn't the right solution for it - the right one is always the most difficult (and that's why it's the right one). Managed to leave the scene and calm myself down enough. Woke up, looked at the clock again and it was exactly 0.00 - great timing.

Note: See the chest exercise for reference.

Antenna caught words

My head still hurts sometimes, but I don't have to blow my nose so often anymore. Usually, when I have a runny nose, it takes a week to recover from it. It's 3 days so far and it seems to me that I'm getting well pretty fast.

Decided to shop something and asked my sister if she needed anything, because the only thing that came to my mind was milk. She said "You should .. "  and before she could finish the sentence, I knew how she would end it. I received a thought / feeling and recognized that it wasn't my own. She wanted something like a muesli. I was curious how she would actually form the rest of the sentence. ".. buy a muesli or something like that." I responded: "I knew you would say that." Well, she should've at least made it more interesting to listen to.

While coming back from the store, I saw a woman sneak past the checkout. She made sure that nobody noticed first. Well, it was fail and success in one - the salesperson right next to her noticed, but let her go without calling any guards. So, I didn't do anything about it either.

A few minutes later I stopped at a red traffic light and looked at an old man on the other side of the road. He soon crossed the road with the red light. I remembered when I was waiting on the same side the same road yesterday and saw some people cross it when no cars were driving through. I thought: "This old man crosses the road even with cars driving through. Why?" The old man reached the side of the road I was on and while passing me, he mumbled (without looking at me even once): "This traffic light is always red and only rarely green. Maybe it's broken again." I mumbled: "Yeah" and continued waiting for a green light for 15-20 minutes.

Practiced PK on a book, soda can and a pack of handkerchiefs for 30 min. I easily got the feeling of the book and soda can, but the pack of handkerchiefs was more difficult - I hadn't practiced PK on anything like it before. I noticed that I have only moved a part of the object that I've tried to move so far - the part that I want to see moving. Again I found that after trying to move an object in one direction for a few times, it starts moving in the same direction by default and I have to force it at first to move in any other directions. So, practicing PK on one object for even a couple of times already hinders further practice. The biggest problem is probably the fact that I'm accustomed to static objects not moving by themselves and that's probably why every time I move an object enough for it to be visible, I get excited and stop it. Yet another problem was random thoughts - I guess I'm just tired and becoming nervous about the approaching exams.

I seriously thought that the first exam was on 7th. If one of my schoolmates hadn't asked me a few questions about the exam and I hadn't answered that I haven't studied anything for it yet, I would have probably either missed the exam or forgotten to study enough. He asked me: "You won't sit the exam on 6th then, will you?" =P Thanks man. Went to study right away. The problem was that I had become a bit nervous about it and the printer failed on me. It wrapped a paper inside even though I was already low on paper. Messed up the printing order and orientation of a few pages XD. Thought about it all for maybe 3 minutes, calmed down and found some more empty papers right next to the printer. Managed to work through the most of the conspectus until I could no longer focus on reading even one sentence.

After trying to move a corner of the book, I felt psi pressure building up in my forehead. Well, that's ok, but what caught my attention was that I could hardly feel any pressure in my right hemisphere. Almost all of it was in the left hemisphere. I ought to do something about it someday, I guess. I think I could decrease my sleeptime, focus and learning speed if I would be able to use both of them.

30 snotty handkerchiefs

My muscles suddenly no longer hurt. However, my head hurt and felt all foggy (full of snot) since the morning. I don't have any fever though - so, but I guess it's probably the garlic I ate the day before. Haven't seen any killing in the dreams lately - it was probably nothing more than catching cold.

I guess that the visualization of my head turning blue or green doesn't work very well. Actually, it even gave me the feeling that I don't need to / can't heal it very well anymore. Just visualizing psi flowing through my head actually made me feel better faster.

I usually lack the motivation to practice psionics, when there's something wrong with me. Well, with one exception - healing.

Kevin said that lately he has noticed that whenever he thinks something, I say / do it before he even has the chance to say it. I don't know, I just say / do what comes to my mind when I don't find it too abusive.

Couldn't sleep much, as I had to wake up every 15 minutes to blow my nose.

Meditation rhythm

The first minutes of year 2010 felt calm and peaceful.

Caught cold during New Year's eve again, I guess. Found that my head was cold in the morning. The left hemisphere, which seems (feels) to be the one I use the most, was especially cold. I had a difficult time trying to heal it - it always changed back to how it was before healing. Couldn't gather enough psi, because I couldn't concentrate well enough anymore. Most of the left hemisphere looked "white" with only a few "blue" spots. Where blue symbolizes healthy cells and white - I don't know, haven't seen anything like this before. I visualized the whole brain turning blue, but immediately when I focused on another part of my brain, some other parts started turning white again. Messed with it for an hour or so, when I finally started feeling some warmth in the head. I then changed the healthy color from blue to green and visualized green moss, green grass and trees and felt even better.

It seemed strange again that my right hemisphere looked and felt blank, thus being uninjured. It's as if it's totally unused. How can it be possible if my left hand is actually much more accurate than my right hand although the latter one is dominant.

Tried to meditate in a room crowded with playing children. The first 15-20 minutes I couldn't reach any deeper meditation states and the meditation session turned out as another PK practice. I felt the bed and mattress slightly bending around me. The next 10-15 minutes I just obeyed my breathing rhythm and fell into a deeper meditation state. Saw quick and simple picture-flashes that best described my mindset. Simple, because each picture only contained one symbol / feeling. One of these pictures was muddy water on a concrete floor. Can't remember any others - didn't pay that much attention to them. Felt calm and relaxed after the session.

I guess that it's the deeper meditation states that help for concentration and control. And to achieve a deeper meditation state with lots of disturbance, the concentrating on breathing technique seems to work well. Probably any technique that uses some kind of rhythm, could work. Maybe that's why old shamen danced themselves into trance - I think it was the dancing rhythm that helped them.