Dark Water from nowhere

We were sent on a quest to readjust the internet network antenna or whatever it's called. The problem was that there weren't any ladders long enough to climb on the roof. So I had to climb onto the roof of the sauna, because from there, I could get onto the roof where the antenna was. Kevin took a longer way - he climbed on the roof of the earth closet and from there he climbed onto the roof of the sauna. Snow was falling and it was 0 degrees Celsius so that the roof was slippery. It made us think that transportation and levitation really would be useful. And for a nice ending, it appeared that the antenna orientation didn't matter at all - the connection was not very good because of the weather. A reminder of the "The point of the pointless" post. We managed to climb down safely with our already tired and trembling muscles, soaked clothes and frozen fingers.

After that, we meditated for maybe 20 minutes.

Found Kevin practicing EM in a separate room. Joined him and tried to build a psiball again (it's been months since I last practiced it). Well, I couldn't make even an ellipsoid and it took time before I could make something that even felt more-or-less spherical. I had a hard time concentrating energy rotating into a psiball.

Went to the living room to check if my laptop had been charged and heard something weird. There had been something raining inside the livingroom. From the looks of it, it seemed like some dirty water had dropped from the ceiling. Checked the ceiling, but it looked like it was dry. The dirty water was brown in color so that there should have been visible brown spots on the ceiling. My sister had been sitting on the couch while it suddenly started raining. She thought: "Uh oh, it started raining - I should go somewhere dry because of the laptop." But then she realized that she was in the livingroom and nothing should've been raining. Her laptop, clothes and everything were wet. Miraculously my laptop was just next to my sister's and mine was totally clean and dry - not even one drip of that brown dirty water on it.

Aunt checked the ceiling and realized that there couldn't have come anything from the ceiling, because the roof is new (just replaced it in the summer).

I went back to Kevin, told him to stop whatever he was doing and come to the livingroom. We didn't feel responsible for it and thought that my sister had done something weird, but she also denied having anything to do with this. The water reminded me of the one in "Dark Water" - a film that my sister liked.

Maybe half an hour later, my aunt discovered that her hand was cut (it reminded me of a nailhole). She said that something flew and bounced back from her hand while she was wrapping a plaster on her hand.

Showed guys and my sister some PK videos to motivate them for further practice.

PK Sandbox

Drove to Saaremaa by bus. Some 3-4 hours of doing nothing again. I couldn't sleep in the bus - the head support was just too low for me. Talked with my sister about what I saw about the weather on Saaremaa during a meditation session. So, I meditated and thought about my previous experiences.

The whole sky was covered with clouds. After a while I noticed a small hole in the clouds. Tried to rip it bigger. Well, the hole immediately got bigger. Noticed a few more light spots in the clouds and moved some clouds out of the way to make a crack-like path. During that time, the other hole got covered up again. It started getting a little lighter around the edges of the crack - new lighter spots appeared. I tried to make the hole bigger by connecting these spots. The lighter spots grew bigger until the cloud that was left in the center, broke loose and flew away a bit faster than the other surrounding clouds. I noticed the Moon through one tiny hole. Tried to make the hole bigger and tried to make it follow the Moon. However, there were some darker clouds coming towards the hole. I tried to redirect them and the clouds seemed to kind of slowly curve away from the hole. It had already been more than 30 minutes and thought that I should end this before I'll get a headache, but the sky caught my attention again. An airplane flew over the bigger hole, but I couldn't see it any longer - the clouds were blocking. Tried to reshape the hole so that it would be longer. Managed to reach the airplane again, but it was too fast to keep up with.

My sister woke up and said: "Look, the sky looks almost like you said you saw in your meditation session." I nodded and wanted to say: "Yeah, it's because I practiced some PK on it". Well, I actually didn't say anything. A few moments later the half of the sky that I could see, was mostly clear, while on the other side of the bus, the sky looked heavly clouded.

The clouds moved fast and seemed to have responded immediately (well, maybe with a delay of 1-2 seconds or so). I thought of a parallel - the sky feels like a sandbox of PK practice. The clouds moved quickly because of the wind up there and they could have moved in the prediscribed way on their own.

It was the first time that the ferry I was on, got stuck in the ice. Some 20 minutes later, another ferry came and broke us loose. Looked at the soup of water and 20-30 cm thick ice blocks.

On Saaremaa I found the good old military sleeping bag that I have been sleeping in for a couple of years now. The first few times I used it, it felt like a real straitjacket - really difficult to get out especially in the dark. Crawled in, closed all the buttons and found that it was too hot inside. Visualized myself swimming around in the water and ice block soup to cool myself down. At first, my feet started getting cold, then my fingers started feeling colder. After an hour of talking on psionic subjects with Kevin, my legs and hands were slightly sweating, but the rest of my body was still cool enough to be completely dry. Before falling asleep, I opened some buttons on the sleeping bag - didn't trust myself enough to create such a construct that would last for a night.

Another film

Nothing special.

Watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" with my sister. A nice film, but didn't have much to do with psionics except for a few stunningly realistic coincidences.

Meditated for maybe 20 minutes, practiced levitation for some 10 minutes. Again nothing special - just the feeling of lifting, but I didn't actually rise (just as usual).

LD tractors

Remembered some dreams and at least one of them was lucid (probably because the dream was too detailed). I was travelling somewhere and passed through the outskirts of some town. There were all kinds of tractors, industrial buildings and a big field. It was really detailed, but only lasted for a short time - the dream faded along with focus. When my lucid dreams usually end because of waking up, this time it ended because of falling into deeper dreams.

In one dream, I was talking with my mother (who is in Spain again) and told her: "It would be nice if on our arrival, the weather on Saaremaa were exactly like I saw while meditating." Later my aunt called and said that on Saaremaa there was still snow on the ground. =/

More programming (the fixing of the game engine bugs) than anything related to psionics.

Again only a few minutes of levitation and PK practice.

Sandy Claws and present(s)

Met the Sandy Claws, ahem, Santa Claus in the evening and it wasn't so bad at all. I had studied 2 poems by heart, but this time instead of getting 3-4 presents, as usual, I only got one. The economy suppression is not entirely negative =).

Grandmother and grandfather have some health problems - occasionally tried to heal them secretly.

Practiced levitation for maybe 5 minutes and some PK on random items. Didn't shield myself as strongly as yesterday and still nothing happened.

The point of the pointless

If people really recognize others by something like the wave distraction pattern, then after meditating a lot, people might not recognize you anymore. I have heard that by meditating, one loses their ego and personality. Well, I dumped my ego into the attic (visualized throwing it there) years ago, but I don't know anything about the personality. Just another thought based on the previous.

Got to learn some poems by heart before the christmas. That's exactly the reason why I don't like christmas. It is the obligation to do something totally pointless (today's society isn't about learning things by heart, but rather the ability to find and analyze data) that I don't like. If Santa Claus existed, he would have an internet connection and he could google all those poems if he wanted to.

Yeah, but there's actually a point in all this that I realized 2 years ago. There's a point in doing things you don't like. Already the fact that I don't like it means that I need to do it. I guess that doing pointless things and realizing the point in it is exactly what Mandalas are all about. Monks sit days to build one and when it's finished, they just wipe it into a river. It's advancing, being better than yourself, but the fact that I still don't like it means that I still haven't realized the true meaning of doing pointless things. Anyway, gotta go and study those poems..

Talked with my father on psionics for about 2 hours while driving to Tallinn. He thought that seeing these things swinging while meditating, could have still been a focus exercise. Well, I couldn't understand what these guys (met them while meditating) were saying. Need some more focus to be able to actally listen, so far it has been only me talking (just like SL said somewhere in the forums). Maybe I should have joined him playing or something. But the problem is that I could barely tell that he was there and I couldn't even understand what he wanted.

I started thinking that maybe not only time is quantum, but everything else as well. This would explain numerology and astrology too. I always thought they were totally made up with only a few cool coincidences. And if the waves are real that I saw in the half-dream meditation state or something, then my bed is positioned most conveniently. While sleeping, energy enters my body through my feet and leaves through my head (there's energy constantly flowing through me). We placed the bed according to Feng Shui a couple of years ago although I didn't believe in it at all.

No long-time practice, but every once in a while I either looked at the christmas tree and felt its branches along with the items hanged on it.

Before falling asleep in my grandfather's library room, I shielded myself from the bookshelves just in case. It would not only be unforgivable, but even lethal when these bronze figures and books fell on my head. Couldn't remember any dreams in the morning.

Distracting the waves

Meditated for 10 minutes in a really uncomfortable position and another 10 minutes in my usual position. Just visualized moments when I felt free. I was on Saaremaa, looking around. There wasn't much snow on the ground and it was all dirty. The sky was the most interesting - here in Tartu, snow is falling and the sky is all cloudy, but on Saaremaa there were orange spots, where the clouds weren't so thick.

Everything looked dimmer than it should at the moment. Checked the weather there and it didn't seem to coincide with what I saw. Maybe it was just a response to my visualization.

Remembered the energy waves I saw a few days ago and started thinking that it seems more logical that people don't recognize each other by their energy, but by their wave distraction pattern. It just seems logical that people sense movement rather than stationary objects. Then with enough focus, one could change how they refract these waves and cause interference points. Just a thought during the meditation.

A quick gimp-up of a wave distraction. The gray circle symbolizes an area around the stickman, where the energy is denser. The blue lines depict energy waves. Notice the turbulences and loops - this is more or less what I thought as the distraction pattern.

Stopped meditating, because the blood pressure in my legs had dropped too low. Usually I have been able to overcome this - this time I couldn't.

I was too tired and slept for 2 hours during the day.

Talked with my father about the coincidences and he said that there is a tendency for things to happen at the same time.

Couldn't go to bed right away - wasn't tired enough. So I meditated again.

Merged the first 30 minute meditation with levitation practice. Visualized feathers, flying in the dreams, jumping on a trampoline and managed to recall the feeling of lifting. Focused on it and felt some great psi pressure building up, but still no levitation. I tend to start visualizing all kinds of constructs helping me to levitate, but that's not how I'm supposed to do it. It would only pose limits for advancing further.

The other 20 minutes I just meditated on a blank mindset and on feeling the surroundings. My mind was clear except for seeing some weird objects swinging around me. Dissolved them. Then a sword fell through my head, I dissolved it again. Then another fell right in front of me (they always fell perfectly vertically and stood on their tips), I thought that maybe I had to do something with it. Visualized myself hands, pulled the sword and sheathed it. Then someone handed down a few arrows, I thought: "Ok, whatever, I can take these too". Realized that I didn't even have a bow, visualized one and put it on my back along with the arrows and the sword.

Then I just meditated on the blank mindset again and tried feeling objects around me. Some of them made silent snapping sounds. Practiced it until I felt that whenever my focus gets clouded, it could get dangerous. Someone praised my progress and I stopped it, because feeling proud is exactly what would cloud one's focus.

Went to bed and once I laid on my back, I started hearing loud noise (it reminded me of these waves), but couldn't see any waves. In the half-dream state I started seeing herds of huge animals running around. Thought about the coincidences and another thought came to my mind: "Time is relative to events and time distribution is probably not uniform. It could be quantum just like the hydrogen energy levels, for example." and realized that the universe is well optimized.

A minute or two later someone asked me to come with them and take my weapons with me. I thought: "I don't like fighting." and the sword along with the bow and arrows dissolved. That someone, who wanted to I don't know, play a battle or something, disappeared (couldn't sense him anymore) as well.

Well, I guess that all those different swords and a bunch of arrows probably came into my mind from watching Bleach 251. Couldn't recognize any focus exercises while meditating or in the half-dream state.

Fell asleep at about 2 AM again.

Satan goat in black leather jacket

Practiced the chest exercise in the morning for a few minutes. I realized that my focus had improved with yesterday's meditations.

Had a real long conversation with Tschingy again. I guess I'm not going to paste it here, cause then it wouldn't be my blog anymore =P (it was so long that it didn't probably even fit into the archives - ask him, if you really want to know). He was just spending time before going to see Avatar in a 3d cinema and I had nothing to do so we chattered.

He suggested me to ask my father if he has seen any animal ghosts in the forest. He said that he knew a girl who said she saw thousands of animal ghosts in the forests. Asked my father on our way to shopping. He said that it usually depends on the place. There was this place near his shortcut to school that had a really creepy feeling to it. He was thinking about it and couldn't realize, why there was such a scary place - there shouldn't have been anything scary about it. But when the snow melted, a rabbit skeleton came out. It appeared that hunters had shot it, taken its skin and left everything else to rot.

I remembered that there were a few experiences of being taught in the dreams. I was having problems with math back in Middle School and knew that I actually needed it - well, I wanted to program 3d games and stuff. So I visualized mathematical formulas flowing into my head and connections forming in my head. Started feeling a strong stream of energy that penetrated the skull and ended somewhere at the center of my brain. I traced it on the second time and found that it came through the window, but I couldn't feel the other side. And when I turned my head, the stream slowly found my forehead again and entered through the 3rd eye area. It felt uncomfortable, but I bared with it for a few nights. Then suddenly a few weeks later I found that my score in math had suddenly risen so high that I was transferred to a more competent teacher. And then a year later I found myself in the math elite group of the school. Well, I couldn't see the connection until I finally posted this to the A Little Weird forums. As a matter of fact, I couldn't even remember these experiences - I had forgotten them because they couldn't fit into my understanding of the world.

The second such experience was when I had wished to learn psionics hard. It was maybe 2 years after the first experience.

He reminded me of a dream that I had a while ago - can't even remember the year. I was tired and fell asleep on the old couch that was in the living room back then. There was barely enough space to fit myself between the arm supports (or whatever they're called) somehow. I saw a dream that I was walking back towards the couch and expected to see myself on it. Well, actually there was a goat wrapped in a black leather jacket. When I came closer, it opened its eyes and I felt dark and gloomy energy violently shooting out of its eyes and right through me. I couldn't resist such a powerful stream of energy and woke up covered in cold sweat. I guess it was a satan goat. Can't remember what happened after that. There was a period in my childhood where I couldn't control myself at all and I totally hated myself because of that - could it have been connected somehow? Dunno.

Then pasted the previous experiences onto this blog from that lengthy psi.txt file in the projects folder.

Practiced PK for maybe 10 minutes and meditated for a few minutes.That's not enough, but it was already past bedtime. I was thinking that I still messed up those clock times for these posts, and my bed snapped really loud. I thought: "Ok, ok, yeah, going to sleep now", shut my laptop down and went to sleep. In a half-dream state I heard my mother asking: "Did you watch this?" and thought she probably asked about Avatar, so I answered: "Yes".

Meditating cats and dogs

Remembered the greatness of Avatar in the morning again.

Meditated for 30 minutes or so again and reached higher awareness.

Tried some PK practice, but couldn't do anything groundbreaking. I'm trying to put in less effort, but more control now. It's just that I've already seen it in numerous dreams that after learning the trick to it, it actually doesn't require much psi.

Well, actually, I can't feel much psi again for some reason. I guess it's too much programming without much practice.

Had a WTF-type conversation about psionics with Tschingy in PsionAcademy. I don't know why I started telling about my father - probably thought I've already spoken so much about myself. Anyway, he has the same eyes problem as my father - he can only see 2D. After I told him that, he said that he finally understood why he had been talking to me in the first place. I was like WHAT? Another really weird "coincidence".

I was looking through my favourite PK practice videos and the music video of my friend (Paks Matu) caught my attention. Subscribed to his music video, watched it again and started searching for more of his songs from youtube.

After that I meditated for some 10-20 minutes again. Started asking myself questions like: "Why am I striving towards control? Why do I want to be better than everyone else? What's my actual goal?" and so on.. After asking them, I saw some images that quickly flashed through.

One of them was a japanese style cottage somewhere surrounded by cherry trees and a forest. Summer had ended and there weren't much blossoms on the trees anymore - couldn't have seen the cottage / house otherwise.

Then I saw a few japanese or chinese people walking past me without even noticing me (it was blurry and in slow motion). Don't know what it means though.

Came back to reality and found that there was this force pushing my head forward. Let my head go with it until I found it was pointless and started messing with building a partial force bubble around my head. It worked if I really focused on it. After a while I started thinking: "Why am I blocking myself from the actual cause of the problem." Jumped over the shield and struck the sword into the ground as I landed (well, I kinda saw myself as a warrior from the side and instead of the ground there was actually my bed). Noticed that there was nobody there =D. Went back. I had gotten the shield pretty stabile against the force. Then pulled the shield down and noticed that it was me, who was pushing my own head forward without even noticing it before. Once I noticed that, the force was no more. Verified my theory (that it was me) by creating a force that pushed my head backwards - well, it was one strong push. I realized that I probably still lack control if I'm doing this to myself.

I was then on Saaremaa, under the tree where I used to swing as a child. Only that the swing was hanging down from a helicopter. I wanted to get up high into the air with the help of that helicopter. The only problem was that I was in that meditating pose (legs crossed and hands cupped) and couldn't move my hands. Sat on the swing and the helicopter started rising. However, I fell down pretty quick and as the helicopter didn't stop anymore, I climbed up again and again and again, every time falling down again. It was just too quick for me to properly focus on being perfectly balanced on the swing so that I could fly with the helicopter. The helicopter was so high already that I had to fly up there, but the higher it was, the harder it was to get myself balanced on the swing and fell down even faster. At one moment I found that I didn't even have to fall down - I could concentrate enough to start rising with the helicopter. The helicopter left and I got the feeling that this exercise was done. I stopped meditating.

A few seconds after sitting onto my chair, an old friend of mine said "Yo" via MSN after maybe a year or so. He sent me a new link to a live video of one of his rap songs. And guess what, it was Paks Matu himself and at the live, he performed exactly the same song that had caught my attention while I was searching through the PK vids. How's that for a half-time show? - just remembered a commercial from the RadioNY.

Anyway, that was probably the most weird coincidence so far. Didn't succeed in trying to gift him a couple of tickets to Avatar in the cinema - he hadn't seen it yet.

Shut my laptop down and while in the bathroom, I remembered that I had to write this down.

Turned my laptop on again and it started doing a checkdisk (facepalm). Well, on for another meditation.

I moved through rocks and dirt towards the center where I thought I should see myself. From some books, I knew it was supposed to look like a candle down there. Reached it and at first the light dimmed some, but then I started amplifying it and turned it onto a different frequency so that the light would penetrate the ground. It was just a meditation of a minute or two. Stopped and wrote this down.

Hm, as I slept an hour during the day, I'm not feeling tired yet, but it's 1.41 AM already. To bed late again..

Ok, actually, I couldn't go straight to the bed. I didn't feel tired at all - I felt like meditating again =D.

Meditated some, noticed some pain somewhere near the heart and left lung and healed it.

I noticed that my right eyebrow was too low and tried to rise it - it turned out to be just another focus practice =D.

Practiced focus some more - I found a hole in the ground, jumped in and discovered psionics again just a few moments before dropping to the ground and instead, I flew away.

Went to bed ..
and meditated more .. just as usual. Fell asleep at 2 AM again, I guess.

Oh, and I would have almost forgotten. Thankfully chattering with Tschingy the next day reminded me this:

Before finally falling asleep, I felt, saw and heard psi flowing over my head towards the livingroom. There were all kind of turbulences in it and the wavetops were vividly colored. It gave the feeling that it was me moving those waves.

Seeking meditation motivation

At 6 PM, we went to the cinema with a gang to see Avatar and it was simply awesome. I was delighted to even see some elements of psionics in the movies again. Well, it doesn't change the fact that Matrix is my favourite of all, but it's in my top ten now at least. Well, actually, Push probably had the most psionics, but it lacked any meaning - there were special effects with no point, but Avatar had both and brought it all to an entirely new level. It was a completely new world, a new reality. Ok, enough with the advertisements.

Chattered with Chadwick about some psionic experiences. Pretty amazing - he's a natural at RV and has seen 360 degrees clearly with his eyes closed. He said that in order to RV, one has to shut down all senses and meditate to get into theta. I guess I should meditate in order to get these snapping and knacking and whatever sounds under control too - so, it's 2 points
for meditating before going to sleep tonight.

Meditated some 20-30 minutes on that chest. Wait.. I guess I haven't written anything about that chest here yet .. done. I was no longer as good as I had been, but it wasn't hard to regain it - just like with other psionic skills.

Note: See the post about that chest exercise

The Sky in the dreams

Everything seems to be in the position that I left them last night - can't verify even the slightest movements that could have caused these snapping sounds.

I noticed that I have the feeling of "Life is interesting, I can practice psionics whenever I want to and I'm still very far from my limits. I have found the mysticism in real life." whenever I look at my surroundings or at the sky (no matter what the weather is, there is always psionics).

The last time I had the same kind of feeling, was when I had a sudden burst of the "urge to practice". Last time I guess I induced it myself. The first time I felt it was when I had practiced PK for a month for the first time. Don't know what it means, though. And then there's this feeling like I've experienced this whole psionics thing before.

Maybe it's just the way I remember  seeing a dream of a room (from early childhood) that I later recognized when I joined a Robotex team and started building robots in a lab that looked and felt like the one in the dream.

Or when I saw a huge building being renovated, there were huge wooden scaffoldings everywhere and again some 7-8 years later, there was a church I went to with my uncle. It was being renovated, but people were already allowed in. The scaffoldings felt and looked the same again as in the dream. And exactly like in the dream, I couldn't tell it was a church from the inside, because the ceiling couldn't be seen from the ground - there were scaffoldings and platforms in the way.

It's not deja vu and the feeling is not that solid - it can hardly be recognized at all. Oh, and I remembered that in those dreams, there was always this dark blue fog that put limits to my sight and made it difficult to recognize things. And for some reason, everything seemed so big in the dreams - was I really that small back then?

Well, I guess I didn't overpractice this time - haven't had any headaches today. Watched the Mr. Fox film with family and went to bed late (1.30 AM) again.

Before going to sleep, I practiced levitation for some 20 minutes or so.

Had an interesting dream: I woke up walked into my old room (now it's my sister's, but she wasn't there). I calmly looked at the sky without starting to create it myself (like I usually do when I see the edges of the dream). The sky was totally clear and it was still quite dark. There were the Moon and it's moon clearly (and sharply) visible and I thought, since when does the Moon have a moon. At first I thought: "Maybe it's a planet and it only seems like it's near the Moon." But then after thinking through some planets, I realized that none of them should be there. Looked around and saw some stars. Then suddenly, some fireworks appeared and the whole sky was lit brightly (I guess it didn't even dim after that - it was early morning so I thought that the Sun had started to rise over the horizon). Looked to my right (the Moon was on the left) and saw a cluster of stars. I then thought: "Maybe I can even spot some UFO-s.." But at exactly that same moment, I realized there was something else I was supposed to do - and started piling up all the magazines that were scattered around .. the dream was no longer interesting.

Again, after a while (at 6.30 or something) I woke up for some reason and had a hard time controlling my PK (I guess it happens only when I'm tired). The two tables in my room knacked and I heard some sounds from the other rooms as well (we had a guest and it was kind of embarrassing playing a poltergeist around when they're sleeping). I also got the feeling of the guest's car and tried not to move it - focused my mind on other things, but then it was difficult to fall asleep again (mind has to wander in order to get some sleep). Oh, and before going to sleep at all, I noticed that I'm focused on the room where the guest is and tried to shield myself into my own room, but right while I was forming the shield, something snapped really loud and I took it as a signal to stop again - I mean, what's the point in escaping from my own problems?

I realized that I have to face it and overcome it again.

My mouth likes to chatter

Nothing special.

Practiced PK a lot (edit: define "a lot" =P) and chattered on paranormal subjects with my sister, Hyena and Delirious Lego.

None of them said  much about themselves and just asked questions or let me talk. Right when I relaxed myself, I heard something on my table snapping and a few seconds later, the table itself snapped as well. It was so loud that it startled me.

Went to bed late (2 AM).

OBE & funny 8-ball

At 6 AM, I couldn't sleep any longer. Relaxed my muscles and tried to sleep, but I couldn't concentrate on sleeping very well.

Tried to feel myself lifting and at first, I could feel my feet lifting again. Then I felt the rest of my body rising, but whoosh ... and I was out of my body. As I couldn't breath anymore, I kept the journeys short. I looked around in my room and noticed that some things were in different places than in the real life (the poster that is just gathering dust near the bed, was on the ceiling unrolled and then the CD-tower, which should have been left to the cabinet, but was actually on the cabinet). It was still somewhat dark and I couldn't see the details unless I looked at them carefully.

Went back into the body and a few seconds later, another sudden whoosh ... and I was in this weird version of my room again. Flew through the cabinet and wall behind it (was it the cabinet or was I still rising, but just looking at the cabinet?) to my parents' bedroom (could've been my neighbor's apartment also) and flew back again. It was all so messy that I couldn't properly recognize any rooms.

I think it was just another dream in the half-dream state, because my room isn't so upside-down in reality. But the feeling of my body tingling when lifting out of the body and that whoosh - I have already experienced all of that, but couldn't see anything back then.

Slept a few more hours after that. Ok, got to go to school again..
Mhmm, other physics students asked me to join them in billiard. Went with them, enjoyed the humorous conversations, and played some billiard with them. It was fun, but I noticed that some of the billiard balls twitched, some moved a bit weird and I even had to move my cue sometimes, because the cue ball "stepped" a few millimeters in the direction that was more convenient for our team. Well, we lost 1:2.

It seemed weird that I didn't concentrate on the balls moving - they just moved by themselves.
Hopefully, the others didn't notice it or forgot it right after seeing it. Anyways, I got to work more on control.

Ugh, fixed some bugs in amc (Arion MUD Client) and went to bed late.

All them dwarves crazy

I guess that today was the day that I could finally consider the gaming hell of Dwarf Fortress finished for a few weeks / months / years. I just managed to fail epically as all of the dwarves started starving to death, then went berserk and killed other dwarves. What a mess.

Only practiced some 10 minutes of PK again. Need some serious practice someday again. Couldn't practice levitation anymore - I had lost the feeling of lifting again.

UFOs in Chernobyl

Felt well in the morning (I guess I didn't catch cold after all). Or was it that I visualized red parts of me turning blue (When battling with a virus in the dreams, I usually see myself as the blue team and the enemy is usually red).

Need to motivate myself for practicing again - I need it to become a habit, but that needs constant practice. Practiced PK for maybe 10 - 15 minutes in total.

Went to sleep. Saw one levitation dream - I was with my mother in some place I had never been to and tried to levitate myself and only got my legs to levitate. The rest of the body didn't rise.

On Tuesday, we talked with Taavi and I checked some radiation density facts about the Chernobyl. Well, I saw a dream that we organized a family excursion (me, father and sister) to Chernobyl in order to find facts of alien presence there after the accident. There was a yellow
apartment block that had some weird melted holes in it - the whole steel armature and concrete had melted around the hole. Nobody around there was able to answer our questions about these holes.

Psionican dream

I was talking to my mother about the 1 hour meditation and she said that she had seen me in Spain in summer and in autumn. I was blown away - "What?".

But when I gave it some thought, I realized that I had been practicing psionics then and I used to meditate. And I thought about her a few times during meditation, but none of the attempts to see her were successful, as far as I can remember. Then how come she said she could see me very clearly in summer? Weird.

Anyway, I saw a dream where I was on Saaremaa again. I woke up in a bed in the living room there and practiced levitation. I could only rise for a few millimeters at first, but just a few seconds later I got the knack of it and levitated almost to the ceiling, rotated myself in the air and slowly landed on my feet in front of the bed. I then felt every cell in my body become full of joy - I had dreamt of this for many many years and now I finally did it. Unfortunately though, I realized then that I was still sleeping - damn.

Too busy day for any practice. And I guess the day was a bit cold too - caught some cold probably (gonna see that FPS-style killing in the dreams again. Well, I'm not going to lose or even forget that I have sufficient psychic powers to kill all the germs and viruses inside me).

Didn't see much killing in the dreams.

The Depths of 1-hour meditation

The practicing urge has left me alone again. Need to motivate myself for practicing. Read some PsiPog articles again and at least some optimism is on the rise again - there's hope. Read the PsionAcademy chat archive again and found that Chadwick wanted to try a 1 hour meditation and I realized that I haven't done it for a long time (I have thought I'll do this several times already).

It isn't so hard - I've already done it 3 times and got it on the first try, actually. What's difficult is to actually find motivation for doing this. Maybe that's what's going to motivate me for further PK practice aswell. Meditated almost an hour - the last few minutes were difficult to concentrate - the position I found myself in, was quite uncomfortable.

Fell into the 3rd meditation state a few times. Once I saw a window board that was too high for me - I could barely see out of the window. There were trees without leaves, because it was autumn or winter.

My mother and sister are still awake and making noises that sometimes startle me out of the deepest meditative states and that's what happened all those times - couldn't see anything till the end.

At some moment, I started seeing & feeling myself totally green - I was emitting green light. I also found some kind of resonance frequency so that when I rocking in the frequency, I felt my head forming waves of the same frequency in the energy field surrounding me. A few seconds later, I noticed a dark brown tunnel forming around me (just like I remembered from the last entry into the 3rd meditative state) - I could no longer see the bright light in my room. Couldn't get anywhere with this either - there was always something either making knacking or snapping noises around me that made it difficult to concentrate any further.

Lots of unsolved mysteries this time.

Rising over the buffer

Did a lot of other things, but practiced PK and levitation in the evening as well. Heard the bed making some sounds as I was calmly visualizing myself rising, but I couldn't probably even rise a millimeter before my head hurt like it did yesterday - guess it's that short-circuit I couldn't heal
(didn't find the exact location of the problem).

A SIGSEV Hangover

Had a short-circuit in the central part of the brain. I guess I overdid it yesterday again. They are difficult to fix, because the head doesn't hurt where the problem is, it hurts at random places. It's just like debugging some memory corruption bugs.

Today my father said that the flutist had an allergy.

I felt exhausted the whole day - too enthusiastic PK practice too suddenly. I couldn't move that can as well as yesterday - just couldn't feel it move so well. Couldn't find any new youtube psychokinesis videos.

Slept a few hours and woke up a few seconds before I had a guest (nice timing - another coincidence, I guess. I just felt like waking up). Meditated some and practiced again, but the pain in my head still occasionally pops up, but it's not as intense as it was in the morning before isolating it.

Managed to twitch the can maybe 2 times only and mostly before even recording it. Hopefully the tomorrow's practice is more successful - at least now I have some time to dedicate to practice, since the christmas holiday is approaching and the school's almost over.

A brown & bright spotted flutist

One lecture only, tried some PK on a chair in front of me, achieved the same
illusion of it moving a bit and then stopped it.

Came home, screwed open that mp3 player I had broken the day before and found that the button was definitely busted - something was broken inside the tiny SMD pushbutton that I was sure I couldn't solder (it didn't seem to have any legs). And again more proof that whenever I think / become fascinated by some device that is different from mine, my subconscious starts to think that I need a reason for getting it. The fact is that just before breaking it, I was amazed at a tiny homebrewn audio player a chinese guy had built just with one ATTiny. It would read WAV files off of a microSD card and play them with a quite nice quality. And there I have it - mine is broken and I have motivation for building one myself now.

When I was studying the specs of iPhone a year ago, my own mobile phone started falling out of my pocket, slipping off from my hand and so on. Luckily I was able to convince my subconscious that I need it and it's better than iPhone, because it is more endurable.

The professor had already assessed the tests and done some statistics on it (he was unbelievably quick in doing this) and I was really surprised to see my score. It was way better than the previous one just 2 points worse than my first test. I couldn't believe it, because the feeling I got after the test was over, was pretty depressing. But on the other hand, I knew that most of the time, this feeling doesn't match the reality.

I found some really kick-ass PK-videos from youtube and got some more motivation for practicing. Practiced for maybe 15 minutes and then decided to start taking everything on video to be able to verify if it's just a self-illusion or is the aluminum soda can really twitching.

Watched the video and that thing actually did seem to move occasionally, but so little that I really had to watch it closely. And when it did, it kind of moved in weird ways - it slided sideways fractions of a millimeter without making any sounds, sometimes it seemed like the label on the can was stretching and sometimes the can rolled for even a degree or two (that was clearly visible). So, it's either a really effective self-delusion or it's actually happening.

My father told me that one flutist in his orchestra had been a bit weird today. He said that the flutist looked brown with light brown / white spots moving around on his skin. The flutist was avoiding attention and rushed away as soon as he had the chance. Father wanted to ask him what's wrong with him, but missed the chance. He said that most of the time, people are brightly colored, but this time this particular flutist really caught his attention.

I told my father that I didn't know he could see auras. Well, he said something like "Uhm, yeah, whatever if it's called that. You can probably see it too." I said: "No, I can't. I even practiced it for a few days, but to no avail. Well, at least I can't see any colors. But there's something else I can remember seeing pretty often - sometimes when I look into the sky and focus on a spot, I see some circles running towards that point." He said that he had heard from a sensitive that these were some kind of balls of energy that can usually be seen on more sunny days.

Hm, that's interesting because I had always thought like "wow, I have an imaginable crosshair just like in the popular FPS killing games." That circles or balls or whatever of energy seems a bit far-fetched to me, but I actually don't even have a clue what it is.

Ugh, and it's already 1.25 AM already and I'm way past my normal bedtime again. Things could get out of control again if I can't sleep well enough.

Hemi-Sync not completely useless

The test was a real killer - I guess I'm not going to get a score better than my last one. At least I solved every problem (there's a pretty high probability that there are a few mistakes in the solutions though).

Anyway, I should take another full 1 hour meditation to get things going again and regain my focus.

After the lecture of Computer Physics I and on my way home, I met this guy I sat right next to for 3 times and passed by. We always went in different directions and on the 3rd time, he started laughing when he saw me again. Funny coincidences sometimes.

Before going to sleep, I meditated maybe 10 minutes, facing the wall (I wanted to try an uncommon orientation / position for meditating). I didn't pay any attention to it before, but now I noticed it - when I closed my eyes, it felt as if I could only see with one eye. It was a bit weird, I mean I'm not supposed to see anything even with my eyes closed and yet there's this feeling
that I'm only seeing things 2D with my eyes closed. I started thinking that maybe my brain hemispheres are out of sync.

I remembered that I had copied a few Hemi-Sync meditation mp3-s onto my mp3 player. At first I tried to achieve the same effect without using anything but my own brain. I increased the psi-pressure in my right hemisphere and then tried to sync them just by feeling them syncing. I could immediately see the results - my vision of "darkness" (still my eyes closed) became 3D, but slowly morphed back to 2D when I thought about the hemi-sync waves again. I picked up the noise that I can usually hear in the background, started fading it in and out in different phases for both hemispheres - just the way the real hemi-sync mp3-s sound. It actually worked, but to the same extent that the previous attempt did.

I then stopped meditating and grabbed my mp3 player to search for that "meditation" directory, but I couldn't find it anywhere. While searching, I managed to break the mp3 player's forward button - it just stuck in the low position. Then I remembered that I had deleted all those mp3-s,
because I thought they were completely useless as I couldn't see any effect on my practice whether I was listening to them or not. Now I think I know why they are useful.

Exhausted

Tomorrow's the test and I probably shouldn't practice anything, because it's surprisingly easy to over-exert and get a nice headache with the feeling of being really exhausted.

I guess I'm just going to meditate - I realized that's what I needed in the half-dream state. Meditated for maybe 10 minutes and slept like a bag after that.

Losing control

Had a test in the morning. Went home more-or-less right after that. Had to make a lengthy practical protocol in MathCad real quick. We (chatted with a schoolmate) were surprised how fast it was (~10 pages of protocol in just 2 hours). Then I studied for the next practical - actually I couldn't concentrate on it very well anymore.

Anyway, the point is that the rest of the day went by just by learning for the ELMAG test on 09.12.09. So, I didn't have enough time to practice psionics and it had some nasty side-effects.

The first and most frequent side-effect was that I couldn't sleep very well and after 4 hours of insufficient sleep, I no longer felt tired. In this half-dreamy state I noticed that my body had been practicing the whole time - I was subconsciously messing around with psi cushions in my bed.

I then tried to light the lamp in my room. I visualized a light bulb lighting up in the lamp in my room. My focus along with some awesome psi pressure shattered the light bulb. I heard a really terrified high-pitch scream "Stop it!" I tried to pick up the shattered pieces of glass and fix the lamp again, but whenever I got it fixed, it shattered again and I felt that girl, who screamed, becoming even more terrified.

It wasn't what I had wanted at all. I tried to fix the bulb one more time and managed to stop myself from blowing it up again. I woke myself up from the half-dream state and started calming myself down. I was surprised that even though my mother and sister were awake (it was 4.30 AM already), they didn't seem to have heard anything. So, I guess that it was just a dream that gave me an Akira-like feeling that seemed real.

I really felt I couldn't control myself. Actually, now that I'm trying to remember it more, I noticed that before going to sleep I saw the laptop screen morph for a second. The same kind of morphing was happening all around me while I was in the half-dream state - just like in Akira (actually, too much like Akira).

After waking up, it occurred to me that I visualized the wrong kind of lamp - I have an economical bulb instead of the ordinary light bulb I was trying to manipulate.

Regaining the urge

Watched some PK videos again, found the video of George Heaven again and regained some of the "urge to practice".

Practiced PK for maybe a 20 minutes or so on a tin can and nothing happened. This time I let the psi pressure flow through my head again. I felt pressure in the central area of my brain. The pressure was a bit uncomfortable and made me dizzy, but I didn't let the pressure cause any pain. I think that the psi pressure in the head still might be affecting psionics practice.

Showed some videos to my father and talked with him on the subject. He told me how on most of the videos, they form a cone of psi and manipulate the object with it (that's why they need their hands to be near the object they are moving).

I found that I have been practicing a completely different approach the whole time (1.5 years or so of occasional practice). If I really learn this method of moving objects without forming any psi constructs, I could move bigger and heavier objects exactly the same way without even needing more psi to do it. However, I wouldn't be practicing complex constructs this way. Practiced some 30 minutes more. I guess I've overpracticed a bit with that flowing psi through the head thing - I feel too dizzy to practice any longer.

Need that habit

Practiced some PK in the morning and thought: "Yup, there certainly is something wrong with my PK".

Actually, it's been already a few days now with a nice feeling of the object, but I can't feel like I could move it enough to see it. Usually this has happened after an enthusiastic psionics practice.

Taking a break of a few days or a week usually helps, but I don't want to take a break. I want it to finally grow into a habit. On the other hand, how come I can't move it if I have enough psi, can easily get the feeling of the object that I'm trying to move and I just can't even visualize it move. Well, I guess that the problem is that as I can't move it, I can't visualize it move past the point that it even hasn't reached yet, because it has never worked that way (for me at least).

Slept a lot during the day, don't know if I'll be able to sleep at night.

Record in going to school early

I don't know why I thought that I had to wake up at 6.30, went to school to find that nobody was there - I was 4 and a half hours too early - Why?

What is more, if I would have noticed it earlier, I could have gone back home, but I was too damn certain that the practical started at 8.15.

If I haven't gotten enough sleep, I sometimes tend to think / visualize harmful things. The exact thing happened, when I was walking to school. The somewhat bloody anime Akira was haunting in my thoughts.

At the exact moment that a really unpleasant idea popped into my mind, some taxi parking right next to me suddenly beeped and brought me back to reality. However, it seemed that he had completely accidentally hit the button.

Had another flashback in school: I was an older woman living in a small blueish-green colored house and looking out of the window. There were leafless trees everywhere. The sky was covered in light clouds. I felt happy with my life and was proud of my son.

Psionic Hangover

Had a slight headache in the morning - thought it was from yesterday's over-
practice.

Practiced PK for 20 minutes and went to bed late again. The feeling of the pencil came already within the first few minutes. The psi pressure in my hands could be sensed earlier (than yesterday) as well. I guess I'm not getting very strong psi pressure as fast as 1.5 years ago because I'm really keeping the psi pressure down in my head (don't want to experience the same headaches again) to keep away from causing short-circuits in the brain psi channels.

Short-circuits are more difficult to heal than wounds that just need
fresh psi and even heal by themselves.

Losing the urge

There's more-or-less nothing left of the "great urge to practice". Filled in the
gaps in this list of weird experiences.

I just thought I would practice a few minutes or so - just to bring the urge back or something. Ended up practicing PK for an hour without even noticing the time. I really started to feel the psi pressure in my legs, hands and head and got decent feeling of the pencil before me.

It reminded me of the weeks of practice year and a half ago when I could actually more-or-less move some things on demand. It wasn't even half as strong as it was back then, but at least it's progress.

Caffeine Psi

Hadn't slept much (just 5 and a half hours). Stuffed myself full of psi to keep
myself awake without losing focus in the electricity and magnetism practical.

I came back home and solved 3 electricity and magnetism problems in just 1 hour and 20 minutes (that's fast). It happened more than twice that I opened the book from exactly the correct page or found myself looking at the exact formula that I needed right after turning the page.

I was amazed, but I didn't have any time to think about it then. Then I slept for 10 minutes. It was difficult to wake up as I had fallen into a deep sleep state. When the alarm rang, it took some time until I came to, but before becoming fully awake, I noticed that I had seen a blurry picture of a room that had a light brown color to it. I felt like: "Hm, this isn't it - I had to do something else when the alarm rings." After that I really woke up - slowly.

Cushion of psi

Before going to sleep, I practiced levitation again and it felt as if I was being
slightly pushed upwards by a cushion of psi underneath.

After a few seconds, I realized that I couldn't keep focused on the pull against gravity anymore. Almost at the same moment, I heard my sister coughing (without being sick or anything) next door.

I paused the practice, thought that it couldn't have been me and restarted focusing on the pull. Then I heard my neighbour coughing (she's healthy aswell). Ok, I stopped the practice again. When I tried it the third time, I noticed that muscles on my hand were twitching. I didn't care, I just practiced for a few seconds longer and muscles on my neck started twitching.

It ocurred to me that this probably means that I'm too tired or something. When I stopped practicing, the twitching immediately went away. Went to bed late and couldn't sleep much (I constantly found myself trying to solve some mathematical problems in the dreams).

Note: See post "Suffocaton".

Snapping and crackling sounds around me

Watched a few psionics videos again. Practiced PK and levitation for maybe half an hour before going to sleep. While practicing, all kinds of sudden snapping and crackling sounds keep startling me. Most of the time it's the laptop that is cooling down after use. However, sometimes it's the furniture or something else that usually doesn't make any sound except for when my balcony door's open - but this isn't always the case.

Great urge to practice

Felt a great urge to practice, watched some videos and read some psipog articles.  Some meditation, PK and levitation practice for 2 hours.

Before going to sleep, I meditated and when I dropped into a somewhat deeper state, I saw an old woman with wrinkles looking at the sky. The sky was almost clear, with a few clouds only. The woman was dressed in light grey or white and had a low hat on her head. I stopped the meditation and wrote down what I had seen. Didn't get anything after that though.

Suffocation

Note: Not sure of the date, so I picked it pretty much randomly.

I was just a few footsteps from home when I saw a kid walking by. The kid looked at me once and I suddenly felt that there was something blocking my throat and I bursted out coughing (I wasn't sick or anything and the last time I coughed was probably months ago). The kid stopped and looked at me like he felt responsible for this or something.

A gift: the treasure chest

Note: The date could be wrong, but should be quite close to the actual experience.

I was meditating and wished for being able to do PK again. Someone gave me a gift - a finely crafted chest.

I visualized a room with 2 bookshelves and put it in the middle. I can't exactly recognize the room I visualized - It's somewhat foreign to me. I know that there's this window left to the first bookshelf and outside there's a city. It's on a relatively high floor.

Anyway, I couldn't wait - I wanted to see what's inside the chest already. Opened it and there was nothing particularly interesting - some empty papers and nothing more.

But then suddenly, the chest closed by itself and I realized that it was not the inside of the chest that was important, but rather the box itself. Tried to PK it open a number of times and at first it got worse, but then I started getting a bit better at it. Then PK-ed it open, moved around it and found positions and angles, where I still lost it. Practiced them some more and I could already keep it open for as long as my focus lasted.

Waking up in another body

Note: Not sure of the date again, just picked one.

It was a free weekend and I was just trying to sleep a little longer even though I was already awake. Fell asleep again and saw a dream. It was not the dream that was weird, but the way I woke up.

The dream was over and I started to flow back into the body. While approaching the body, I literally felt the memories of the dream slowly fading away. At the same time, the memories from the body slowly faded into my mind. I remembered that it was a free weekend and that I could do whatever I wanted to.

There was one problem though - after flowing through the concrete wall, I had difficulties entering the body. It felt as if the body posed a great resistance to my soul. I then found out that it was easier to enter through the mouth. There was this special sound that I heard while doing this (low breath in sound - you know, like the dementors did in Harry Potter).

I was slowly flowing into the body and without even opening my eyes, I saw the walls with posters around me. My mind was totally clear - just as if I had been meditating the whole time. I thought: "the practice of vision with my eyes closed has paid off pretty good".

And when I thought that, I felt being pushed out of the body, through the concrete wall again. I was using some intermediary space for moving quickly from one place to another. Well, the memories of being in the body slowly faded out again (though some of it remained - just like after waking up from a dream).

I approached another body and its memories slowly faded into my mind. I entered the body (I guess it was through the mouth again and that I felt some resistance again). I slowly wake up and found that it was weird even though the most of the experience had faded so that I couldn't remember all of the details anymore.

So, if being in the other body felt like it definitely was my own body because of all the memories, how can I be certain that I'm in the correct body at the moment? Maybe I'm not, but if the memories and behavior come from the body, then maybe it's not important.

Those were the questions that formed after this experience. I personally thought it was just another dream, because the entering throught mouth and feelings while entering / leaving a body seemed unrealistic. One hell of a dream nevertheless.

Lost scissors

Note: Not sure of the date again, just picked one.

Kevin and I were coming back from the cattle range right next to the sea. Kevin always keeps eating dried flatfish and also couldn't resist it this time. Many scissors were already broken because of cutting dried fish and so Aivo had just recently bought new scissors especially for cutting dried flatfish. Kevin had taken these scissors with him to test them. The only problem was that when we arrived at home, he found that the scissors were no longer in his pocket.

So, we went back to search for these scissors, or actually "to find them, not just search for them". Or at least, that's what I remember saying. The area to search for was huge (something like 1 square kilometer) and some of it was covered in high grass, making it seemingly impossible to find the scissors. I thought that without a proper mindset, it would be impossible to find them and that's why I tried to convince myself that "Simply searching for the scissors would be pointless. It's actually easier than that - we just have to pick it up from where it is." Well, I didn't have a clue, how we were going to find them.

We went near the sea and stopped. I tried to feel the area, trying to visualize the scissors so that I would feel the direction we should go. I noticed that in the visualization, the scissors were in low grass, near some darker round object. I also got a faint indication in which direction the scissors should be. We started walking in this direction and soon found ourselves in front of the scissors, lying in low grass, near the shitpie of a cow (or was it a rock, can't remember anymore).

We were impressed. It really did look almost as if we went to where the scissors were just to pick them up rather than searching for them..