Welcome

The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Sunday, March 31, 2019

Another Earth

After finishing two seasons of The OA about a week ago, I was fascinated by Brit Marling's work. Looked up her other shows and movies. Another Earth caught my attention. Just watched it and loved it. While it does not make much sense in terms of science, it's quite deep in compassion, forgiveness, selflessness (and enlightenment in general).

It reminded me of the state of mind that I had about when enrolling to the university. Total detachment.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Mercury spill

Dream

I was building or repairing something in aunt's old room at the summerhouse. Asked for pliers from the living room. Someone brought me the pliers. I tried using them but somehow they broke and transformed into a bunch of mercury which then flew onto the living room floor.

First of all, I failed to comprehend how it's possible for pliers to turn into mercury. This was so sudden that I lacked a good idea of how to clean it up. What's worse: it's a wooden plank floor and I figured there's no way to get the mercury out from all the cracks.

So I just stood there, wondering about all of this. At the same time, I noticed how the droplets of mercury were randomly moving around .. as if they were minding their own lives, totally unaware of me and my problem.

Morning

Checked e-mail and realized the meaning of the dream.

Just a couple of days ago there was a journalist at work. The journalist was in a rush with publishing so there was barely any time to review their draft. I did not have the time, except for pointing out a couple of factual mistakes.

Apparently yesterday evening an agency had been offended by the message. They expect all related news to be coordinated with them first. This is understandable because they stand for all the partners and some of these partners might find the message offensive. However, coordinating the article would mean about a month of delays in the journalist's news article. Moreover, the journalist would probably lose all sensationalism in the article, meaning that they would no longer get enough title clicks. And then there are some engineers who are neither fond of being interviewed by journalists, nor particularly fascinated about having to deal with politics.

So I did what seemed the most reasonable to me - I apologized for my incompetence in handling the press. Also analyzed the experience from as many viewpoints as I could, in order to learn as much as possible.

The situation is the way it is and it can't be cleaned up properly. Considering their own viewpoints, both the agency as well as the journalist are right. Honorable acts, when projected through this society, sometimes become distorted and turn into something else. In the end it's up to the engineers to also learn both journalism and politics.

Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Red hands

Felt sick while going to work in the morning. Also felt slightly nauseous at the bus. Figured I had probably caught cold on the previous days (it was somewhat wet, windy and chilly sometimes).

Today while coding at work I randomly looked at my hands for a moment and suddenly remembered something which I haven't experienced.

The flashback:
  • I'm standing outside with just a T-shirt and the weather is as cold as it is at the moment (spring weather, windy and perhaps a few degrees).
  • Thanks to tummo, it's not cold for me. The body feels perfectly calm and healthy. There's quite a bit of heat radiating from my body.
  • My hands look abnormally red. The blood circulation is better than it has ever been before.
  • There's also the familiar feeling of seeing things for what they are.
  • Though, I feel slightly older as well.
Thus far, my blood circulation has typically been such that my hands have been at ambient temperature.

Why I may have witnessed this scene somewhere before (such as a dream or something), I probably semi-subconsciously blocked it because my hands looked so freaking bloody red.

Some dude is coming to country to teach the Wim Hof method. It's not Hof himself and the event costs quite a lot .. I won't go. In my opinion, these things lose their value when there's a lot of people around and when someone is collecting money for it. I know I can learn these things on my own as well.

Had some strange humor again today. What I said seemed totally absurd but actually had meaning. Struggled maintaining a straight face.

Hypnagogia: Blue portal

Two evenings ago just before going to bed I noticed a strange visualization occurring in the back of my mind.

Pitch black darkness. There are 2-3 figures whom I can't see but can sense in the darkness, because they have dark robes.

There's a bright blue portal (or two of them, not sure) which I can both see as well as cannot see because it's covered by a projection of darkness.

I can tell that the portal is meant for these figures that are waiting right next to it. The figures wait for a second or two, then enter the portal one by one.

Since I'm quite close to the portal (at least one of them), I become curious about it. Although it feels as if the portal is not there for me, it doesn't close. I'm about to draw my attention away from it, as it suddenly starts to feel as if the portal is now meant for me to explore.

I stretch an arm and touch the portal. It feels liberating. I slowly step towards it, then eventually step all the way through. There doesn't seem to be anything except darkness on the other side (same as the side from where I had come).

I'm about to fall asleep (due to nothing happening) when suddenly I see a creature in front of me, amidst all the darkness. A large blue non-humanoid creature that looked highly intelligent and in a calm state of mind. I was a bit startled by its looks and the image vanished .. fell asleep.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

Evening discussion

Yesterday visited a discussion evening on lucid dreams, virtual reality and stuff. Visited it out of a sense of responsibility because an acquaintance was conducting the evening (respect). A lot of colleagues (and bosses) were there ... might be a small chance of finding a "fan club with torches and pitchforks" at the front door. Luckily hasn't happened yet.

Anyway, following the evening, I couldn't sleep too well. Too many thoughts rushing through the mind. Managed to fall asleep for a few times, had to wake and drink a glass of water, then the cat came to wake me and eventually the morning alarm joined, too.

Had a couple of noteworthily queer dreams.

Dream: Place occupied

Popped up at the old barn building next to the summerhouse, planning to spend the night there. Knocked on the window, opened the door and found that uncle was already there with his family. I looked for a spot where I could fit but found the rest of the space somewhat dusty and messy, so I left.

Dream: ShinyPants

I left back towards where I had come from .. the town. Accounting for a few issues that I've previously had with my looks in the dreams, I ensured that I didn't have trousers on pants this time. I did not, but for some reason, I had some shiny pants .. maybe because they looked totally ridiculous. I didn't care.

Passed a bus stop (which was to my right) where I saw the same acquaintance who had conducted the discussion evening. I waved at him, he waved back .. preparing to go back to where he had come from.

Stuff

Woke tired but still managed to have reasonable progress at work, or so I thought.

Just leaving this here:


Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Gena

Unexpected sequel to the dream with the crocodiles and echo.

Crocodile Gena post stamp about as old as me,
public domain image "stolen" from Wikimedia.
The pic just is .. none of this is actually related to crocodile Gena.

Dream: Echo vol 2

This one was more meta and more absurd. Everything took place in my mind while I was in the corridor at the summerhouse.

I was one of the astronauts in a manned mission, waiting for launch. In addition to at least 3 astronauts, there was also a rather sophisticated payload on board.

There was some kind of an invisible omnipresent entity telling me about this payload. The shape and size (in reference to the cat's question from previous post) was not mentioned, so in my mind I pictured it as a generic small golden orb. Anyway, it was supposed to be exceptionally sensitive to speech and we were asked not to speak anything before we would reach the orbit.

To me it did not make any sense because during a rocket launch there's plenty of noise throughout the spectrum. So I broke the rule right away and asked about it with voice. Something happened with the device and I was pulled away from the rocket. I found it interesting that despite the fact that it had asked me not to speak anything, the omnipresent entity did not mind the fact that I did.

I wonder what this is about, and why voice is prohibited. What is it about sound that gives it power within the dreams? To be honest, the previous dream with little Genas chasing me seemed to have made a lot more sense.

Just the day

Nothing to do with the dream anymore. Just a colleague giving a lecture on structure design, structural analysis for rocket launches.

Missed an "important" event because I forgot to double-check its location.

Yesterday I passed by dad's apartment and wished I'd meet him. I did not. Then last night I noticed I had a missed call from dad. The time was about the time that I had passed by his apartment. I simply hadn't noticed him calling. I might have even heard something but I thought it was just the radio from somewhere nearby. For some reason, I rarely notice phone calls while walking.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Cat's been reading books

Randomly took a "hobby" project on Saturday and worked on it the way I enjoy working on things. Learned a lot, and I think it gave more meaning back to my life. It restored motivation at the cost of sleeptime.

Had some interesting dreams last night.

Dream: Bus stop

I arrived at a bus stop and for some odd reason, I decided to spend the night there. I had always wondered what it would be like to chill on top of its glass roof. While I knew it was fragile and wouldn't withstand much weight, I still wanted to try it. Some entity told me not to, but I think I still did. Nice spring weather but it was raining, so it wasn't too pleasant to spend the whole night there. Regardless, the bus stop was just underneath a tree (birch, maybe) and I enjoyed the small branches moving around in the slight breeze.

Dream: Chick and cat

Cat approached me with a question. It showed me a picture on a book on the bookshelf. It asked what was the size of this component (strange terminology, I know), and pointed its paw at the picture of a yellow chick. I wondered how I could answer it, for the cat would've had no idea of the SI units. With all its ingenuity, the cat took the shape of the chick and started shrinking. Then all I had to do was to take it on my pawn and say "It's about the size that you are now," when the cat was about the size of a chick.

Dream: Crocodiles

I was traveling with someone. We reached a beach (in Japan, I thought) and I said something (probably "awesome" or "would you look at that" or somesuch) to my companion. As I did, I noticed a peculiar echo.

The echo was highly nonlinear, it changed in pitch and in intensity. It was as if the environment interacted with our presence there and it did not like being disturbed. I've witnessed such places before but I've never really figured out what they're about.

I whispered to the companion about the nonlinearity and that we should probably leave.

Someone else came, speaking very loud. This caused a pretty bad echo and the environment reacted. A couple of crocodiles darted towards the beach and at least one of them was chasing me.

Flew off as fast as I could (about the same speed that I had when tailing the helicopter the night before). After maybe 5 km, I was still having difficulties shaking it off my tail. Though, soon after it stopped chasing me. I was very surprised at how fast the crocodile was.

Today

Not a dream.

Apparently it did rain during the night, and it rained today during the day as well.

Something about me was different today. Got so absorbed in work that I didn't notice anything else around me. Apparently a really dark cloud had popped up for rain. A moment later the sky was clear again and sun was shining.

Happened to make a joke but then at some point I realized its philosophical and linguistical depth. I was sincerely surprised.

When a colleague asked me about something at the canteen, I had a flashback from what couldn't have been the past.

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Insignificant

Nothing significant, just wanted to mention a dream that I had.

Found something exciting to work on throughout the weekend. Went to bed late on Saturday (or early Sunday morning).

One of the dreams stood out with its vivid colors. A helicopter flew over the house. Decided to tag along by flying after it. It flew quite low over the buildings, enough to spook me a bit. It then set off to gain altitude while crossing the field and the river. As the sky was clear, the view was amazing. One of the fastest flights I've had in the dreams thus far. The sense of freedom.

Realized I had forgotten the cat on the balcony for about 30 min.

Friday, March 15, 2019

Grandpa

I'm amazed how he manages to spark inner conflict within me. I'm forced to reconsider things that I've come to dislike, for example relationships, media and journalism .. and probably more to come (probably *cough* politics). I'm very grateful to him for that and I'm amazed that he has pulled all that off without even a single word.

Last night when focusing on the feeling of dis-ease in my chest, I suddenly remembered a business idea that had occurred to me a couple of years ago. It's simple and ingenious but unlike anything I've come up with myself. Last night it occurred to me that it's a perfect solution to the problem that had weighed on grandpa's mind already many years before he died.

The only problem, I haven't considered such work all that exciting and I'm kind of swamped with all the other responsibilities so I don't really have the time to work on this. As a side-effect, it would mean like a 180 deg flip in my life. Pretty much everyone around me would then be looking at me like: "Huh, what the hell just happened to that guy?" Ah.. grandpa's sense of humor XD.

Without realizing, I've practised the attitude that such work would need of me. Now need to somehow reconsider everything that I consider myself and my life to be about and become ready. This time I won't try to rush with it, which is what I did wrong with the previous lesson of his.

When this starts, it has a lot of potential to change the society.

With my head racing through the analysis of this idea, I couldn't sleep all that well.

Thursday, March 7, 2019

Dragon

About 13h workdays. Cooking and grading students' homework took long. Went straight to bed right after.

Interesting dreams.

Dream: Dragon in the woods

Me and a group of others were hiking in the woods. People started going missing. We found that there was a dragon of some sort in the woods, which caught its prey and then hung the bodies up between the tree branches. A rather gruesome display. As I couldn't figure out a reason for it to do so, I was puzzled. Barely managed to keep away from its grasp. There was no fear in this dream, only confusion about such a strange creature and its behaviour.

Never before have I seen a dragon in the dreams.

Dream: New friend

A bunch of new trainees and students. Happened to walk through the town with one of them, so for simplicity I'll refer to him as a friend. While otherwise normal (seemed human), he had the brown eyes of a plush toy.

Passed a school at a time when a lot of kids were leaving for home. We were suddenly surrounded by so many kids that it seemed somewhat overwhelming.

A while later, the friend got to his place (a dorm).

Lucid dream: Pk while walking home

Waved goodbye to the friend and headed home. While walking home, I played with psychokinesis a bit. Tried levitating but I was too heavy, so only managed to reduce weight a bit. This allowed me to jump higher, grab and hold on to things that have typically been out of reach. For example, the veranda roofs of some buildings.

Also played around with the wind. I think it was autumn, as there were a lot of yellow leaves scattered on the ground. If it were early spring, the leaves would've been brown. Anyway, flew those leaves around, formed small vortices and sped up my walking speed by pushing myself forward with the wind. With all the details, the environment seemed quite realistic.

Hmm .. today one of my aunts asked what color were my eyes. Probably some genetics analysis school project that her kids have to work on.

Monday, March 4, 2019

You Walk This Earth Alone



The song "You Walk This Earth Alone" by Two Steps From Hell is relevant once more.



Feeling alone in this world again. Browsed through DeviantArt images for inspiration on what to visualize. Remembered that I used to visualize meditating in the mountains until I started to feel as if I might wake up there any moment, only to realize I'd been dreaming this incarnation. So I anchored on the image of meditating in the mountains once again.

I love the ability to concentrate again. Even though I might've come off as a bit cold today, work was a lot more fun again.

As of recent, my phone has been powering off on its own.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Waves of heat

Felt floaty and had difficulty concentrating yesterday. Slept too much during the day. Could barely sleep last night.

Anchored focus in the head and tried to maintain it there. It kept drifting off due to all kinds of ideas what I would still need to do during the weekend. Occasionally a wave of heat was released from the abdomen, which then gathered up at the anchor.

I was quite close to falling asleep for a few times, but then the cat wanted attention again. Got maybe 3-4 hours of sleep but strangely enough, didn't feel tired today.

Apologized to a girl for falling for her. Apparently affection was unidirectional anyway. Now it should be easier for me to let go and concentrate on things (work) again.

Quick dream: gas stove


One of the dreams that I had during the day yesterday. I found myself non-physical or half-physical at the gas stove. One of the burners was switched on and there was an empty pan on it. It seemed that it had been this way for a while - someone had forgotten it. I tried switching it off but the dream ended abruptly before I managed to, or maybe I did manage to switch it off and then the dream ended .. dunno.

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Dollaz

A couple of mornings ago, some guy had the nerve to disturb all the people who were captivated by their phones. He said he just reached a million and kept asking if anyone needed a million.

In my attempt to save the people and their precious phone-time, I looked up from my phone and told this guy "Why not keep it for yourself?" I think he asked a couple of more people and since nobody reacted, calmed down. I'm glad this happened this far North, for otherwise people might have actually reacted.

Anyway, broadcasting that one's a millionaire is not very healthy. There are probably plenty of people who desire millions but are unable to maintain a sustainable lifestyle. Perhaps offering them more bucks can even be compared to acquiring a contagious disease and visiting public places only to ask "Who wants a piece of this disease?"

Yesterday evening I bumped into an enterpreneur who expressed his greed for money by discussing about his impudent (which he admitted) business strategies. I tried my best to remain neutral.

After supporting an educational project that I was (somewhat still am) involved in, a local millionaire described their viewpoint very well. They get hundreds of e-mails and letters each day, asking for their financial support. Even the people and entities whom or which they have funded, keep coming back and asking for more. This is somewhat off-putting. Millionaires are happy when they're able to make a difference by helping others become financially independent while contributing to the society.