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The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Saturday, September 26, 2015

Wrong door

Had a dream today morning that stood out. I was at some sort of a workplace that once again I don't recognize .. minding my business. Then someone approached me and started talking about some research I had done. Or at least, he claimed I had done but I didn't know nothing about it. Although I have been interested in those fields ever since birth, I was convinced I had never had the time to deal with them .. yet. This guy gave me a pack of papers, which he claimed I had written and sincerely thanked me for that. They were thorough studies of ancient civilizations, ancient languages and the remnants of their philosophy and technology. Figured I could put the papers into the safe box that used to be in one of the offices. Opened the door of the room that was supposed to contain the safe box, as far as I knew. A lady was sleeping there .. apparently the offices had changed within the years. She said that generally nobody was allowed to enter, but that there was an exception for me. Well, I sort of didn't want to know anything about any exceptions and left right away anyway, because the safe box was no longer there. Found it in the next room down the corridor. It looked as if nobody had used the room for years. Opened the safe box, put the papers on top of other papers that were in there and closed it again. One thing that occurred to me was that before locking the papers away, I should've perhaps read and memorized everything that was written there. That didn't happen though, as the dream vanished right after. Weird behaviour pattern that I would have to put the papers away somewhere, instead of learning the content (and perhaps gaining totality).

Busy times, but this has helped me realize how long work hours with sharp focus and lack of sleep have usually contributed to spiritual progress. The more challenging it is, the more concentration is needed to do the job .. but in principle, everything can be done (all situations have at least one way in and at least one way out). So, I've been practising the habit of only focusing on the necessary minimum for solving the issues at hand (no place for worries, no place for judgements or other emotional mindstuff, just the task and the mind as a generic tool).

Friday, September 18, 2015

Time for detachment practice?

Found a lecturer (religious aspects of science), whose intelligence is so far out there that it's difficult to grasp everything that he says. The lectures are full of hidden hints and references .. and he talks fast, too. He is 60, he has read a lot and he has (or at least used to have) absolute memory. Although he criticized some people whom he had met and who had used the term "energy" incorrectly, he made a lot of interesting statements. For one, he said that the arguments in favor of OBE are usually better than those against it. I was baffled. He also said that science does not seek truth, it has never really succeeded in finding it. However, science has resulted in a lot of practical applications.

Well, there's another lecturer (bioethics) also, whom I like. Though, he doesn't quite pack the information density and practices demagogy on students during the seminars.

At first I kind of assumed they were similar. Well, I was wrong. Shall be quite exciting in terms of ego vs. rational mind vs. spirituality. On one hand, I'm excited that there's someone that intelligent, who shares the view on quite a lot of stuff. On the other hand, I feel the urge to prove what I've come to consider the truth. On yet another hand or some other limb, I would rather live it instead of blabbing about it, trying to convince others that it's possible to live like that.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Releasing tension

Well, about a week ago my celibacy counter reset. Apparently I had formed tension in the body again which, in combination with cold, drained quite a bit of that stored energy.

A couple of nights ago I went to bed early and produced a lot of sweat.

Synchronicity, empathy, telepathy and precognition have been pretty nice recently. Can't do much about all of the messages that arrive, but it's still quite valuable. Today morning I met with a colleague and I found something in him that I had not been aware of, wouldn't have even guessed (though, he's all secretive and I don't know him very well). Then today I took a detour around the town, while on my way to an evening lecture. During the detour, I recognized a place from some old dreams as well as had some vague "memories" surfacing from the medieval ages. Ah, one more thing - totally different people, with no common context are telling the same things. I wonder what's that about .. the puzzle hasn't come together just yet.

Last night I tried to let go the best I could. At some moment, there was something alike a small explosion in the head as one of the blockages cleared out. Might've become dangerous if I had maintained the tension for longer.

The past days have been covered in ego stuffs .. catching the mind on some strange habitual patterns that don't even make sense to the rational mind, far less to the more spiritual mind.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Vagabond

Joined in to help with the cutting sea buckthorn bushes for the weekend. Being in the nature felt so good. There was an interesting dude there, also helping with pruning the bushes and collecting berries. As it turned out, he has been living out of the system for years. He travels around the world alone and helps people here and there. Just recently he had come from Italy back to Estonia without money, without a tent, coat, sleeping bag or anything ..

I seriously envy people who are able to do that. It needs quite a confidence in one's personal power to manifest everything they need. Awesome.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Concentration

Practised concentration for about 1 hour a few evenings ago. Every time the thoughts wandered off and stuck to something, I looked at it, thought "This is not me," and focused on what I thought was closer to this blob of energy that is me. Finished it off with a few minutes of Trataka on the mirror.

The next night my mind cleared up on its own, used it for brushing the energy field. The concentration practice has also improved tummo.

Last night I went to bed at around 0:00 AM and woke up at 1:30 AM, quite certain it was alarm-time (7 AM). With effort, I managed to fall asleep again. Met a strange person in my dreams. First of all, his appearance was weird, and then his interests / hobbies were weird too. He had 3 totally different faces. Each time I looked at him, he had a different face on. Two of them were human. The third one had a normal left eye but a totally black right eye (reference to the black eyed children phenomena) and bleak skin on the right side of the face. Some sort of a hybrid? His hobby seemed to have been sewing and designing clothes, judging by how he looked at and criticized my cheap and ragged pants (worth 60 cents in the dream :). However, he had gotten into my dream as a student interested in the university space project. These two interests did not and still don't add up very well, in my opinion. Anyway, I treated him like a normal person. He had to leave for his own dreams pretty soon.

I think I've become a fan of Final Fantasy. Well, I've known for 10+ years that I would really like it .. provided that I ever played something from the series. It has usually been ridiculously expensive and demanding on the hardware side. Although according to the reviews, I got the worst of the series (XIII-2) with a discount, it's still among the best games I've ever played. It crashes pretty often due to some thread racing / memory corruption issues with Steam Cloud sync. Also, its random combat encounters are awful. Not a fan of dull hack and slash at about every 10 meters of the map. However, previously I haven't seen any games that have managed to portray mysticism as well as FF does it. Like the first video game series that actually utilizes fantasy. Also, I love how gameplay and storyline change throughout the game. What is more, their texture art, modeling and animation work baffled me. Amazing piece of art that provides inspiration for science, ancient civilizations, psychokinesis and spiritual practices.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

The pond

A couple of nights ago I focused on the internal flame and had it run through the body, melting blockages on the way. Though, later that night I somehow managed to reset my celibacy counter.

On Thursday, I watched the last couple of Naruto episodes. Although the comments for the episodes were rather discouraging, I found these fillers to be among the best episodes in the series. Tenten was trying to break free from the illusion and save her friends .. but forgot her goal after saving the imposter friends in the illusion. So deep and life-like.

Last night I noticed that this glow, of what I think are biophotons, also surrounds objects that have been in contact with the body (clothes, sheets, blankets). This is why it's difficult to tell things apart - almost everything is glowing.

Final Fantasy influence on the dreams.
Slept a lot during the day. In the dreams I visited a sort of magic pond again. I was walking along the channel, until I noticed sand drifts getting larger and larger. There was someone there between the drifts, who asked me to join. We arrived at the pond, although I wasn't planning to go exploring. We waited for the sun to set, and then started taking off clothes to jump in. One of my socks fell into the water through a gap in the walking platform. Quickly picked it up as it was gradually becoming translucent. Said: "No, I'm not going to let the socks become astral, I need them again later." Put the clothes farther away from the pond, onto a large metal gear that was on the sand, just around the corner. What's interesting about the gear, I knew it had been placed there (a sort of anchor) by dad's uncle who died a few years ago. Jumped in with 3 other people. I was a bit scared, though, and did not want to dive into the center as it would pull me into another realm and it would be difficult to get back again. So, I swam a few circles around the center and jumped out of the pond. I know that I have gone through the center before, at least once. The center of the pond is deep, powerful (basically a two-way portal) as well as dangerous (random entities may appear from the depths at any time). The shallow edges of the pond are not as dangerous, but the water is quite thick of strange life forms of different sort. There were fish, which during the day looked normal, but became colorful and started glowing in the dark. Anyway, I was worried about the other 3 (whom I didn't know), who had jumped into the center and hadn't come back. Hmm.. one thing that so far seems to have been common to the dreams with the pond is the wall around it, which shadows it from sunlight. Though, if I remember correctly, I've come out of the pond during the day once.

Haven't been feeling very well in sync with this reality today.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Tire-d

This traveling around and exploring in the dreams doesn't seem to be refreshing the body much. Although I've been sleeping a lot, I've been feeling rather tired every day. Took a nap for a couple of hours after coming from work again. This time I tried to rest (and perform Hatha yoga) in the dreams. It seems to have helped. Another recurring issue seems to be dehydration .. need to drink a lot more (but not coffee or cocoa or stuff of that sort) .. juice (but nothing too sour) or water that helps to keep me more awake. Meditative state of being helps too, but only for as long as I remain in it.

During the nap, I remember father leaving for Saaremaa. About 15 minutes ago, sister said she will go to Saaremaa for a couple of days.

Also worth noting, I think. Sister coughed and went into the bathroom. I could feel her fever.

Also also worth noting, I think. Several colleagues seemed to have a hard time with the existential question: "What day is it?" One of them said it took her a while to realize it was Friday, then about 10 seconds later, she asked another colleague to go to work together tomorrow. That sounded really awkward.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

A bit floaty

Past few days have been interesting.

About a week ago, I focused on the central flame and the sound and internal wind that it made. It was interesting, how it consisted of a lot of different frequencies and depending on the vibration that I focused on, the sounds were amplified / brought into foreground. Played with it for quite a while.

A couple of nights ago, I focused on top of the head, because focusing on the tip of the nose or central flame no longer worked (couldn't do it properly, for some reason). The next day I woke up feeling very floaty. Haven't had a deep sleep since then, I guess (simply not feeling that tired). Yesterday I felt tired alright, but in such a way that the mind relaxed into spontaneous meditation.

Today my mood was a bit shaky. Also, empathy / telepathy, geisting, manifestation have become more weird during the past few days.