Why telepathy?

I just spent 3-4 hours, arguing with Hyena about how the libamc proxy server thing should be implemented. It was an epic fail - we just talked past each other and understood nothing. It was a good exercise for keeping emotions under control, but other than that I think I realized, how useful telepathy actually is. In the end, we started drawing diagrams and when I cheered up again, everything around me started snapping again.

Yup, I haven't practiced PK - I have just meditated, worked on a few hobby projects and now the snapping is back and becoming more and more intense every day. Got to get practicing again or I could lose control over this..

For walking on sand, I managed to try it a few times without much of a success when the snow started melting (the weather has gone warm). With walking on snow, it should be easy to trick the mind to do it, but it's really difficult to verify anything as well. Who knows, maybe there was a more dense bunch of snow that stopped feet from slushing deeper?

Walking on snow

I realized I had misunderstood at least two important things:

Man when seeking to be the master of himself, seeks so on all the planes physical, mental and spiritual nor can they be severed, for they are all related, being but differing aspects of the one all-pervading Consciousness.

Having studied the theory of this Yoga, one may ask: “Can one get on without it?” The answer is: “It depends upon what you are looking for”. If you want to rouse Kundalini Sakti, to enjoy the bliss of union of Siva and Sakti through Her and to gain the accompanying powers (Siddhis), it is obvious that this end can be achieved only by the Kundalini Yoga. In that case, there are some risks incurred. But if Liberation is sought without desire for union through Kundalini, then, such Yoga is not necessary; for, Liberation may be obtained by Pure Jnana Yoga through detachment, the exercise and then the stilling of the mind, without any rousing of the central Bodily-power at all. Instead of setting out in and from the world to unite with Siva, the Jnana Yogin, to attain this result, detaches himself from the world. The one is the path of enjoyment and the other of asceticism.

 
Taken from the same Kundalini book again. First, I had messed up those two types of Yogas and thought that there was only one of them. Actually no, the second type seems like self-destruction to me now while the first one _is_ going through psionics. So, in order to achieve liberation, the path through da weird stuff is da 'aight one. Moreover, I haven't paid much attention to keeping my body healthy before and that's clearly one of the bottlenecks of my wannabe psionics practices.


I have been attending school and meditating mostly. Well, I also tried to cool myself down while sloshing around in the snowdrifts by visualizing blocks of ice and cold water inside my coat - I still got pretty sweaty though. When coming home, I realized that walking on the snow should be much easier than attempting to walk on water and tried it. As you might have guessed, it didn't work out very well, but hey, it's my first time. Anyway, the state of my mind seemed to have affected it a bit. I sometimes felt lighter and when I did, I didn't fall so deep into the snow. This could have been just a few coincidences, but it doesn't change the fact that walking on snow is good for levitation and walking on water practices.

I stared at the psiwheel again a few days ago. It didn't move. I know this sounds noobish, but I guess I have dumped it again until I can clearly visualize it spinning in my mind. Just staring at it and trying to feel it move for a week or two doesn't seem right to me - I have to go on trying different things..

Father's PK

In order to obtain control over myself, I have to crank open that nest of the wasps again. I have to experience situations where I can't control myself again to do it different this time. While meditating, I can usually do it, but in real life it has been more difficult so far.

Yesterday I suddenly just felt like shutting the laptop down and going to meditate and sleep. I fell into a deeper meditation state with about 20 minutes only. As my head had fallen into a totally inconvenient position, I decided to continue it in the bed. So I did, until I fell asleep and felt really relaxed in the morning. When the legs-crossed position hurt my legs a few days ago, then now it's no longer a problem - I feel like I could meditate in that position for an hour.

Today I felt this again: "I can never be bored with myself." I have felt it before and it has usually been great for further motivation.

I haven't practiced any PK nor levitation or anything the last few days - meditation only. As for PK, my father, sister and I were in the livingroom two days ago. Father was talking about a live show they had performed. It was based on an old Estonian spell song of fire. It happened that it became so powerful that the whole audience (a few hundred people) turned totally weird - just as if they had been hypnotized. So, after the performance they just packed their bags and the managers just gave them the money and took off without saying anything. After about 3 days, the managers had slowly started to communicate again. Their first words to the band had been something like: "It was incredible. We could have never imagined anything like this being performed in Estonia." Anyway, as we were talking about this and I was trying to express the feeling of how powerful I felt it could have been, something unusual (for me, at least) happened. A mug that was about half a meter from my father, suddenly flew into his hands. Well, he has talked about similar things happening and him being not able to control it, but I hadn't paid much attention to it before. He said that when he becomes emotionally active, he just feels some tension in an object near him. And where there's tension, objects start moving / flying to balance it out.

Feel his crosshair!

It has happened before, but I don't think it was that intense the last time. There is an electronics engineer from Sony Ericsson, who provides us with tools and advice to build the satellite. Well, this time I literally felt it when he looked at me from the behind. Even if he was just looking around in the room, probably not even thinking about me being there. The feeling was so intense and focused that I could tell exactly where he was looking at. Nothing like this has happened with him before, although I have had the feeling that he's not just a simple engineer (he always kindly shares his knowledge and stays calm no matter what situation he's in).

It might have been some kind of a self-defense shield or something, I thought. That's because I had been messing with recompiling the GNU Arm toolchain for 3 days already, with no success - the chip still throws a HardFault on a simple comparison between 2 floating-point variables. I was a bit ashamed of being unable to solve the issue.

Also, I saw those dark transparent circles or actually, ovals - aka "crosshair" again. I could see them on white snow and on the light-gray clouded sky. I could see it with both of my eyes and it always followed the spot where I was looking at (right at the center of my "viewing frustum"). I couldn't tell if these ovals were affected by the objects I was looking at or not, because I couldn't see them on darker surfaces because they were transparent. But I don't think it's related to any fancy 'n fluffy energy thing - it's most likely just a natural effect of the eyes.

Being unable to get that software floating-point arithmetics working and having messed up my ubuntu by upgrading it (X server doesn't detect my keyboard anymore - probably an udev issue), I was quite pissed. This clearly shows just how low my skill at keeping my mind clean is.

Siddhis vs. Self-realization

For the last few days, I have been feeling this feeling like I'm leaving and there's this accompanying sadness for leaving. This sadness reminds me of childhood - when I'm having that feeling, I keep receiving images from that time. I got the same feeling during my first actual psionics practice (before the summer, 2 years ago). Usually the images I receive during that feeling are bound with green grass or hanging plants or sun shining. It feels like I have been there before (wherever or whatever it is) and for some reason, it's pulling me back.

I would like to quote the Kundalini book again:

When a man practises Yogic Kriyas, naturally various kinds of Siddhis are acquired. The Siddhis are hindrances to Realisation. The Yogi should not at all care for these Siddhis, if he wants to advance further and get the highest realisation, the final Goal. He who runs after Siddhis will become the biggest house-holder and a worldly-minded man. Self-realisation only is the Goal. The sum total of knowledge of this universe is nothing when compared to the spiritual knowledge that is obtained through Self-realisation.
...
Ascend the path of Yoga cautiously. Remove the weeds, thorns and the sharp angular pebbles on the way. Name and fame are the angular pebbles. Subtle under-current of lust is the weed. Attachment to family, children, money, disciples, Chelas or Ashram is the thorn. These are forms of Maya. They do not allow the aspirants to march further. They serve as the stumbling-blocks.
...

I have realized it before, but I guess that this is what makes me sad - my goals are conflicting. I can't set up a game programming company, build myself a cool house and fully automate it with electronics, levitate and teleport around when I'm going to chase my other goal of breaking out of the circle of mortality (birth - death - birth - and so forth). Actually, the goal of breaking out of the circle was there even before I even set those other goals. Self-realization seems kind of selfish from that aspect - one gives up on trying to benefit mankind and chases their own inner desires. On the other hand, I think that all people are connected and the more people find liberation (or reach Nirvana or however it's called), the higher it shifts the common awareness of all people. It also helps others to break the while (1) { wish; suffer; } loop. On the first hand again =/, what would be the point of such a complicated system as life, when the main goal is just to hit the Esc button?

Talked with my father about it and understood that it just means that I need to liberate before I can fulfill my other goals. Meditating can only remove mindblocks or hindering thought patterns so that it becomes easier to do everything.


I meditated for about 20 minutes and fell asleep. Went to bed and slept for about 30 minutes, never falling into the deep dream-state, where I'm not aware of what I see or even of the fact that I'm sleeping.

Who's Kundalini?

Who the heck came up with the principles of Kundalini Yoga? Most of what I've read from the book so far, has coincided with my experiences during meditation and psionic practice. 

Well, I have to admit that reading a book that full of old Indian vocabulary is not a very simple task. Fortunately there's Google =P.

Also, while either reading the book or watching the early mindfreak season 1 videos, I have received 2-3 flashes of the feeling of liberation already. It's cool and motivates for further reading.

Can't remember where it was (in the book or some place I googled to understand the terminology) , but there was this exercise of staring at your own reflection in a mirror somewhere. It was said that it's not advisable to do this without the guidance of a Master or a Guru. Well, I accidentally did this without even knowing anything about it a couple of years ago. That's when my first near-OBE occurred and I kind of freaked out.

Should meditate and try PK today again..

I meditated in the the pose that I had found on the internet a few days ago. It started to feel bad in some parts of my body. I started visualizing cleaning myself by moving invisible cleaning-planes through my body (one of the most common methods I usually use to clean myself). After a while, I felt considerably better and could have kept meditating like that for an hour or even more. I stopped, when my legs started to die out (the lotus pose closes the blood-circulation).

I tried PK for about 20 minutes with the same method that I have always tried it and I couldn't feel any difference.

I meditated again before going to sleep, but this time in another position that I have also used for a few times before. Anyway, I felt psi pressure building up really fast and it made me feel dizzy and weird somewhere at the center of my spine (more blockages?). I stopped when it turned into nausea. =P I probably need to start doing some physical exercises as well - doing a few pushups once or twice in a month is not enough to keep blockages from happening.

The power of Japa

Watched an early episode of Criss Angel Mindfreak before going to school this morning. On the way to school and during the first half of the first lecture, I felt an urge to study psionics again.

Well, as I had been searching for some forbidden meditation books that a yogi had mentioned, who visited us .. some 12 years ago or so. That's what father told me, we (me and my sister) were away on a holiday then. Anyway, I suddenly remembered that I had already found an e-book on Kundalini Yoga from the internet before and all I had to do was just take it from the overly long list of bookmarks and start reading..

I started from the biography of the author and found an introduction to Japa Yoga. I would like to quote some of what Sri Swami Sivananda has written:

...
The Name of God, chanted correctly or incorrectly, knowingly or unknowingly, carefully, is sure to give the desired result. Just as burning quality is natural to and inherent in fire, so also, the power of destroying sins with their very root and branch, and bringing the aspirant into blissful union with the Lord through Bhava-Samadhi, is natural to and inherent in the Name of God. 

...
There is a Sakti or power in every word. If you utter the word 'excreta' or 'urine' when your friend is taking his meals, he may at once vomit his food. If you think of 'Garam Pakoda', 'hot Pakoda' (fried delicacies), your tongue will get salivation. When anyone suddenly shouts 'Scorpion! Scorpion!', 'Snake! Snake!', you at once apprehend the scorpion or the snake and jump in fright. When anyone calls you a 'donkey' or an 'ass', you are annoyed and you show anger. If anyone says, "You are a nice person," you smile. When such is the power of the names of the ordinary things of this world, what tremendous power should there be in the Name of God! God is the completion or the fullness of existence. Hence, the Name which denotes Him, too, is full and perfect. Therefore, the power of the Name of God is incalculable, for it is the height or the zenith of power. The Name of God can achieve anything.
...
Repeat the Mantra verbally for sometime, in a whisper for sometime, and mentally for sometime. The minds wants variety. It gets disgusted with any monotonous practice.
...

I used to think that chanting is rather meaningless and that words only have effect because those who hear them, start visualizing things thus making them seem more realistic. I actually never understood what was meant by "You must not speak the name of the God carelessly." or something like that in the Bible.

If everything is quantum and the structure of the universe were similar to that of a computer or a complex software system, then it could be optimized better, if similar or related objects and events were connected. Now, if every time someone thinks about a word or speaks it out, they connect the word or thought to their emotions or objects around them, imagine what would come out of it when thousands of people did the same. These words would become really powerful and tightly bound to these emotions and objects around all of these people.

I guess that with PK, there's the problem of my mind becoming disgusted of the monotonous practice routine. And that's why I can't practice PK for more than a few days and then I just have to take a break - I just can't think of enough different methods for practicing..

Relative passed away

I heard that one of my relatives had died just recently in a car crash. There were two of them in the car and when a truck and another car crashed into it, they had flown out of the car. One of them broke their skull and died immediately, the other had miraculously survived and only broke a few bones.

I planned to go to bed early, because I'm really tired, but as it turned out, I couldn't.

Nothin

Nothing weird today except for waking up at 6.30 AM, going to school and realizing that the practical is supposed to start next week (=D it always happens that I mess things up when I'm tired).

I wasn't even subconsciously practicing PK anymore. Oh, there still was something interesting .. I acquired a few feelings and pictures from the new lecturers. One of them really inspired me to get some physics books to read (I could tell that he had read them a lot just to satisfy his own interest).

Argh, can't practice PK at all - way too tired. Just going to meditate then..

Tried the pose I found from here.

Here is a picture of the pose (Downtown Express photo by Elisabeth Robert):

A lot of psi pressure started building up between my hands almost immediately. My hands got really hot - they usually get that warm, when I'm trying to build constructs between my hands. Although I only meditated for maybe 10 minutes, the effect was still pretty interesting.

Head hurts vol.2

It wasn't easy to wake up at 8.30 when I had fallen asleep at about 2 AM.

Went to school and on the way there, I tried to fetch a few images with feelings from people passing by. Again, I'm not sure if any of them were correct, but I also can't verify any of it. At least it always serves as an inspiration source - random images and feelings come to mind.

While I was walking to another faculty for some additional lectures, I noticed that the sky was all covered in what looked like a single cloud. I approached a building with one of its walls having been beautifully renovated just recently. I suddenly had a strong feeling that in a few minutes, sun is going to shine onto the wall from the direction my back was facing. When the lecture began (a couple of minutes later), sun started shining outside. When the lecture had ended and I was walking past that same building again, I noticed that sun was already shining at a slightly different angle, but at the moment it came out of the clouds, it would have been about the same with my feeling.

In that very same lecture, my head started to hurt. I called my friend with a wrong name and failed to read my day schedule XD. The headache didn't stop until I was back at home. Maybe I overdid it with trying to lift my head yesterday? On the other hand, I noticed myself subconsciously practicing PK on things around me - that's good. Well, except for those cases where for example, I'm just bored and trying to idle-PK a table, where there is someone else's laptop on the other end.

When 2 days ago I couldn't feel much psi, then now it's worse - I can hardly feel any psi and my head is somewhat dizzy of handling all that psi. I did some pushups again and practiced for maybe 20 minutes. Now I opened the box every now and then. Shortly after letting the psiwheel stop after spinning from the wind of opening the box, it was much simpler to visualize it spinning. I guess that I have to get used to the sensation of it spinning..

I only remember a part of the last dream. Someone had miraculously managed to escaped from one country to another. I guess the one where the man escaped from, was Russia (or a country that was under their assistance) and the other was .. well, some other country that was assisted by US forces. At first it was like a documentary, but then I started to look around in the area myself. There was an old armored car in the middle of a field. Refugee had hid himself in there, but while doing so, he was actually shot by an US soldier when shooting broke loose between the two sides. The US forces somehow barely managed to fend off the enemies and take the refugee to the hospital. I was carefully looking at all the dents in the car, that had begun to rust already. Maybe I saw it because my father was reading the online newspaper (I just looked what he was doing for a second or two) yesterday when I went to sleep.

Lazyness and vibrations

I saw a dream about being lazy and not attending the necessary lectures.

Although it was the first totally free day, I still didn't do much with psionics - too tired for it. Drew some circuit schematics. Also made a few UML and flow diagrams for project we are about to rewrite with a friend.

When I decided to try the psiwheel again at 6 PM, I couldn't resist the urge to go to bed instead. I slept for an hour without much dreams (somehow I'm tired, but can't get enough sleep even though I'm tired). Lazyness is not my friend and I need to motivate myself to end up spinning the psiwheel so that I wouldn't end up at the same point as with all those other objects.

Tried PK again for 31 minutes. Couldn't feel the psiwheel as well as I could yesterday. After staring at it from numerous angles and finding it difficult to visualize it spinning, I opened the box. Already the wind that was generated by lifting the cover of the box, made it spin quite fast. I thought (how come I can't spin something that is so sensitive?)

I guess I have to meditate on it before going to sleep. Meditated for about 30 minutes. Everything was blank - not even any meditation exercises came to my mind. I tried to ask my subconsciousness for some clues on PK, but I'm not sure if I got any answer. If I did, I probably didn't understand it anyway. Should keep my eyes open for any strange dreams now.

I didn't fall asleep right away, because I had already slept during the day for an hour. So, I messed around with psi again, by pushing myself up from the bed. I usually start from the head, because it's the easiest. That night I didn't bother visualizing the rest of my body rising and just played with the pillow and head. Suddenly, something happened - I started vibrating all over and the whole body reached a resonance frequency pretty quick. As it did, I felt an easy lift for the whole body (it was right before falling asleep and my eyes were closed, so I couldn't tell if my body would have actually come along or lag behind). I got excited just when it happened and everything calmed down because of that. Couldn't achieve a vibration even nearly as strong as the one that just happened before I got excited. Oh well, I just messed with trying to lift my head until I fell asleep.

Starting to get a feel of it

That wifi router is testing me. Every time my sister is already using the wifi router, I can't connect to it. I have to ask my sister to turn her wireless off, then connect and let her turn hers on again. Well, this time she needed the internet connection for a while longer and said: "It's not my problem that it doesn't work correctly, sorry." Well, it meant that I had to move to another room.

Practiced PK on the psiwheel for 30 minutes again. Well, I still couldn't get it moving much. This time I mostly looked at it from the top - it was easier to visualize it rotating this way. It did seem to have twitched now and then, but quite randomly (all kind of bells and whistles like stretching, wobbling and moving up and down). Finally it started to seem like it was spinning really slow, but then spun back the other direction again (either in my visualization or so little actual movement that it was difficult to see).

Anyway, that's about the same point I achieved with other objects that I still haven't gotten to move correctly. Maybe I can stretch the limits with the psiwheel more easily, because it has less friction.

Couldn't find the post anymore, but I tried to switch between brain hemispheres a week ago or something so that I could sleep less. Lutasi called it fluff and Tricky said the magic words: "You won't grow if you don't sleep." That's right and in fact, with insufficient sleep, I lose control over myself and things around me start snapping, breaking and so on. Before going to sleep, I noticed that I had difficulties controlling myself already - needed to block my laptop with a chair so that it wouldn't fall off the table (just in case). I thought I had gotten over it already, but it seems that everything comes back when I'm tired. Thanks a bunch to Tricky and Lutasi...

Miss the urge

Got home, ate and started practicing PK on the psiwheel. I grounded myself every once in a while and I actually, in the end I felt more psi than I have for the last few weeks. I still kept the psi pressure under control though. After 28 minutes, I had finally started to slightly feel the psiwheel in the plastic box, but then I also suddenly felt really hungry and ate again. 

I ate too much =/ and couldn't do anything for a few minutes. So, I just watched PK videos on youtube and meditated on spinning the psiwheel. I thought to myself: "Got to learn PK to move things and to be able to spin the psiwheel." Well, right after thinking that, I felt like I had misformulated the sentence: "Learn? No, you can already do it. You just need to get to know that you can do it." This reminded me of the trick I have used to boost my self-confidence before exams.

Tried for another 6 minutes, but now I got too tired to motivate myself to practice any more. Kinda low on willpower again..

Chattered with Tricky yesterday night and he said he once practiced psionics for 2 years without taking any breaks. I wish I could beat that without sacrificing any of my other goals.

Before going to sleep, I tried the psiwheel again for 30 minutes. I could feel it move slightly, but still not enough to be seen. I noticed that I can feel only the parts of the psiwheel that I can see directly - can't see the other side, as the front side blocks it. Because of that, I could visualize feeling it move better when I looked either from the bottom or the top of the wheel. Another curious mindblocky-thing is that the objects I'm trying to move always seem to have some form of PK-inertia - when I have been trying to move / spin it in one direction, it becomes more difficult to visualize it moving / spinning in the other direction. The same goes for visualizing it standing still. Moreover, after a few days of PK practice, I usually start feeling everything moving that I look at - be it juice cans, a glass on the table or billiard balls.

Suspicious 7 of spades

Joined #psionacademy and chattered with ShadowmanX. We tried RV on some cards. I visualized looking out of his monitor, towards him. Saw his hand and a card he was holding up. It was 6 of diamonds. However, it turned out that he hadn't started yet. I tried it again a couple of times, but as the image was built from feelings, I always saw many cards and I couldn't tell which one was the right one. So, I cut some of them out by using just logic (well, I cut out the correct card along with a few incorrect cards). The more we practiced, the more blurry the image became and I ended up seeing just a few faint symbols on a completely black background. Well, that 6 of diamonds reappeared later, but then I thought logically and came to the conclusion that it just couldn't be.

It was really fun, but it put a lot of doubt in my few previous RV attempts (subconscious keeps putting up things that actually aren't there - things that come from some other source). That's probably what happened when I saw ShadowmanX rotating the card (looked like 7 of spades) in his hand when he actually wasn't. It could've just been the subconsciousness's reaction to trying to spin the psi-wheel before the RV practice.

Talked with my father on the subject of RV-ing things. He thought that the "extra information" that subconscious puts onto the images can probably be recognized. Anyway, he smoothly changed the subject to phasing through walls and said that it's probably about making all the atoms resonate with the same frequency so that they keep their distance and each-others frequencies while body is going through a solid. I asked: "What if there are some atoms in the wall that happen to be at the same frequency?" He thought about it for a minute or two and asked: "Why is it that the magicians always use some kind of cover when going through a solid? Or why can the gate of Aramu Muru only be accessed during the night?"

Edit: He thought that maybe sunlight or light in general has the effect of making the surface atoms of the solid vibrate with the same frequency.

An interesting thought and that would explain why phasing is supposed to be really painful and why father's thumbnail came off after he had accidentally pulled it through a car door. Maybe it is because of doing these things in light. Another thing that came to my mind is that magicians always look for the soft spot before going through, which means that they prepare the wall beforehand.

There could be a connection between this vibration and the one that can be felt after an OBE. Just like he made an example of a crystal repairing itself with vibrations, it could be the same with our bodies. So, even if something gets damaged while phasing through a wall or something, it's constantly repairing itself with the vibration.

Well, I thought there were no limits and that maybe phasing would work some way similar to atoms stretching out in one direction when electric field is applied to a metal. When the atoms are stretched out enough, other stretched out atoms could move through. Maybe it's just a wild dream, but I like to think that there are no actual limits.

That nostalgic psi-wheel

I have tried it before, but I guess it hasn't ended up here before. Anyway, I don't like drawing psi through neighbours' apartments, so I tried grounding by making psi disappear before the first floor and reappear on the ceiling of the third floor (I'm on the fourth). Well, I actually managed to feel such a psi pressure through my head that I usually used before practicing psionics. I'm having a hard time controlling it and keeping it rolling though (the flow stops almost instantly whenever I try to verify that there's nothing happening in the neighbours' apartments). And I can't feel too much psi in the neighbours' apartments. I don't know if it's actually working or not - there's no way to verify it myself.

Another thing is that I haven't noticed any snapping sounds the last couple of days. It's either under control again or it's so out of control that the result is exactly the same.

Tried levitation again and noticed that it's more difficult with my eyes open - so, it could help me with the problem of lifting out of the body. Didn't rise ... what a surprise XD. Well, it takes a lot of meditation and concentration and it's not even supposed to be working just by trying it once in a while. I also tried to move the two batteries that are still in front of the bed. If they moved, then it could have only be visible from under a microscope, I guess.

There were still no new videos of Mindfreak on youtube. I remembered what Tricky had said in the PsionAcademy forums - here's a part of it:

Fluff can be good because it gets somebody interested. But, it also gives somebody false hope. A lot of people come around because they want to throw fireballs, etc. Wich is also why I came around (long time ago, youngster) So I'm glad I got into it. But, I wish somebody snapped me out of the delusion earlier. I wasted years trying to do that. I didnt learn a thing the entire time, I accomplished nothing. The reason why I discourage fluff is so people dont waste thier time.

Well, I posted a "spicy" reply although I really respect Tricky.

Having nothing to do, I decided to build a quick psi-wheel again and see how it goes after a while of practicing with other objects. I threw it together and as soon as I put the paper (full of some trigonometric derivations and linux driver names =P) on the pin, it started spinning. I put it further away - somewhere on the shelf. I pulled my hand away and it started spinning again. I tried to stop it - it stopped. Then I tried to spin it the other way - and it started spinning the other way. But guess what, I noticed that although it was far from my nose, I was still breathing on it. I covered my nose and could make it spin again although it took somewhat more effort to do so. Couldn't get it to rotate the other way again though. It could have been just some coincidental wind, because I wasn't able to raproduce it (I couldn't even feel it move anymore).

Alarm

My phone alarm rang and it woke me up at 9.00 AM. I can't remember having set an alarm and moreover, it didn't ring on Saturday, Sunday or Monday, did it? Then how come it rang today morning, I didn't set it yesterday. Thought that maybe it was supposed to wake me up for some reason. That 8-hour sleep felt so good that I would've wanted to just stay in the bed and sleep a few more hours.

Tried to call grandfather, but nobody answered. Well, I had planned on calling at 10.15 AM anyway. As a matter of fact, I don't actually even know the phone number and I just picked the first one in the list.

Called again at 10.15 AM. He was in the bathroom while I was calling XD. But it wasn't bad at all. He said that our mother had called around 0.00 AM when they were about to go to sleep. Hm, well, that's about the time when it came to my mind that I forgot to call.

My sister provided an explanation for those shopping dreams: "it represents choices", she said. Hm, then it must be just that I'm having difficulties putting my studying schedule together (not enough subjects and too much overlapping).

As I was talking about the waking in the toilet dream, she said it could represent money. Well, talking about money, my mother just posted an e-mail today. I considered it spam, since it was one of those send-me-to-ur-friends-or-you-will-live-in-poverty-the-whole-life kind of e-mail. Then I quickly visualized cleaning myself of any doubts this spam could have set up and visualized money falling down just to make it up again. I don't have any problems with money at the moment and I don't want to have any problems - it's enough to get something to eat during some 12h long schooldays.

If the yesterday's seeing myself turn white meant my aura becoming white, then white aura can't be bad at all - I felt really alive and great when I left home to walk in snow with only a thin jacket. Maybe there is a connection between all of the fairy-tales and aura colors after all?

The last dream (ship, stairs and railings) could have been a response for my post in PsionAcademy:

On the subject of research, I feel a bit uneasy as well. Are there enough skilled psions who are interested in doing research?

I would be interested in doing research, but I can't even trust my own experiences - how could I even tell the difference between a mindblock and a real obstacle (don't even know if there actually are any)? But hey, science isn't perfect and there are always new additional theories and principles being formulated anyway.

It could have meant that there are no real obstacles and that all the mindblocks are easily surmountable.

I was tired, but I still practiced PK for a few minutes. Only some slight movement that can be considered my imagination. I tried without grounding and I noticed that I do a negligible amount of grounding automatically. However, it's not enough and by default, I tend to draw from somewhere around the heart area. I tried if I can change the default without constantly visualizing it flow from somewhere else and I started drawing from somewhere around my stomach.

Limitless stupidity and holes in SRAM

I was thinking it was rather pointless to have something built on Earth only to keep humans away from it. Then it occurred to me that the reason for keeping people away could also be the sensitivity of a device and that being too close could break the machinery. Another reason could be that it could possibly injure people (not sure if this applies for remote viewing though). How stupid of me not being able to see a logic so simple.

While our knowledge is always limited, our stupidity is always limitless.

It was so warm outside that it got hot inside the coat. I visualized penguin-shaped ice blocks bobbing around in my coat. And sometimes visualized the feeling of bathing in the snow I was walking through. It got colder, but I had already started sweating before I realized it was hot and I couldn't make it to the destination completely dry anymore. While coming back, I didn't bother visualizing anything - I was too tired for that. I got home totally wet.

I felt so tired that I had to meditate for  .. say 10 minutes. I meditated on what makes me happy, what would I like to be like and so on. Felt much better after that.

Somewhere around 0.00 AM it occurred to me that the day before our grandmother had called that we should remember to wish happy birthday to our grandfather and that he considers it important. Uhm, and at 0.00 AM it didn't matter anymore - it was too late to call anyway. My sister was like: "Damn, how could I have forgotten that." I answered: "Well, it probably wasn't important then XD."

As there was nothing we could do except for calling the next morning, I thought the least I could do was just being totally calm.

I went to bed and tried to meditate there. With my eyes closed, I saw myself turning white as I calmed down. Then I saw dark clouds flying around above my head and cleaned the room, by visualizing it becoming white. After having cleaned the whole room, I noticed that the walls were black on the other side and ... I guess I fell asleep. Usually I don't remember many dreams - they are just way too boring to be memorized, but this time was a bit different.

While sleeping, I was certain that I was sleeping on the couch in the living room (why always there if I have actually slept there only once?) and without a blanket. Everybody else were already sleeping in their rooms. I thought it could be cold like this without any blankets, but without moving myself, I just made a heat-shield. I saw a few dreams and woke up in the living room again. It was early morning (but still dark outside) and I started hearing something weird - the "baa-aa-aah" sound of a sheep. I couldn't hear it, but I knew there was a horse outside as well. I thought what the heck are sheep and horses doing outside in the city, but I considered sleeping more important and took another dream.

As one of the dreams, I woke up in the bathroom, standing on the toilet. I thought: "Well, this is weird, hope I haven't been here for too long - there are other people who want to use it as well." and stepped down. I noticed that it was dirty all over and started cleaning it. While cleaning it, I got dirty myself and had to clean myself a few times.

In another dream, I fell into a battlefield between two sides. The friendly side was always firing me even though I had already chosen their side. And the unfriendly side seemed impossibly strong - a lot of soldiers and a crappy mech warrior. Well, it took some time and there were some ammo problems, but eventually we won.

In another dream, I was in a big department store. For some reason, most of my schoolmates were walking around in there, randomly buying stuff. I thought I would follow a certain one of them. But as he hadn't arrived yet, I had to wait for him first. When he came, I followed with normal speed. I noticed that there was a guy, who took following people to the extreme and more-or-less played parkour. Until someone told him stories about people breaking their bones like that.

In the last dream, I felt like I was on a ship, but it amazed me that I couldn't see the ship (the ship was unimportant, although it was important that it was slightly swinging from side to side). The only thing I saw was a maze of stairs, separated by railing. I walked around for a few seconds and noticed that the maze was impossible - unless I would step over the incredibly low railing. Someone who surrounded the whole area, told me something in the lines of "The maze is created by your own mind." (can't remember it exactly, but the point of it was probably that all those limits are created by my own mind).