Ronery

Worked till early morning (4 AM). Went to bed and had a dream.

Dream

Me and sister were cleaning the apartment. I found a note indicating that one of the neighbours had been cleaning our basement as well. They probably just threw most of the stuff away .. which I figured wasn't that bad. Was about to show the note to sister when a fire alarm went off for ~3 seconds. It was a strange sound so I thought it was one of the neighbours. Though, in a few minutes, a lot of neighbours came in to look around. One of them pointed out I had a fire hazard in the kitchen. But there's nothing there, I thought. Went to check anyway, and found some kind of a steampunk construction in the middle of the room. A large pipe with valves that looked like it was going to explode any minute. There was steam leaking out from places, and the pipe was glowing red. However, this was probably nothing because the pipe was there for the cooling water. There was an open pipe going into the floor that looked like a rocket engine, especially with the flames coming out of it. I thought the cooling water was turned to maximum already and apparently the flow was still too low, meaning that all the water evaporated immediately. Even if I would somehow manage to increase the flow of water, it would most likely cause an explosion. Decided to close the water valve by hitting it with a broom. That should buy me some time to figure out how to put off the fire. Err .. wait, that doesn't seem right, either. Anti-kicked the valve with the broom to get the flow of cooling water back to maximum. Boom, sparks (or something that looked like molten metal) flew up the pipe in the floor. Though, something "illogical" happened - the phase of water changed and it obtained superfluidic properties. The flames were purified as well. So, apparently the cooling water was not at maximum before, or perhaps closing it and then reopening it caused pressure to build up for a moment, which helped to resolve the situation? In any case, this helped me realize within the dream that I wasn't dealing with fire and water but different forms of energy / psi.

Awake

A strange day. Almost like being back in another parallel universe. A place with people living in hope and inspiration. Gonna be another worky late night, though.

I ad Mysterious Matters podcast. It's simply awesome. Listened to a doctor describing near death experiences of patients. Very inspiring stories that deliver a great many goosebumps.

Came back to the realization of being alone in the universe. There can be bazillion friends but when there's a time of need, then suddenly it drops to zero. Or, perhaps you have a wonderful experience that you'd like to share with other people, only to understand that none of them see it full of wonder like you do. Even worse, they might spoil it because of their mood, ego or whatever. People hate to be lonely, so when they feel lonely, they subconsciously tend to create imaginary friends to talk to. Ego is one of such constructs that helps to hide loneliness by drawing attention to what you think others think of you. It's like a game that one becomes so absorbed in that they start to believe it's real. People also look for relationships to try and get rid of this loneliness.

However, sometimes it seems to me that loneliness is something more fundamental. Relying on others in time of need is really a weakness. It's like blaming the inability to do something on others (or the lack of them). Life and experiences are intimate, much like one's religion. Your life and your experiences only have true meaning for yourself and can't be shared. Or rather, can be shared but will be seen differently so that they no longer have the same meaning. Thinking about it this way, life and all the experiences seem to contain more magic, more power and at the same time less dangerous. Fate boils down to attitude - the way you treat your own experience. As a side effect, helping others loses its glare. That is because we all have different experiences and we treat them differently, we might interfere with their own spiritual development. Instead of trying to help directly, it should be a lot better to help them help themselves (less interference). But to me it seems that loneliness goes even deeper. It's not only the magic of your own life and the fact that nobody understands it the way you do. It's the loneliness of the universe. When one accepts their loneliness, they start recognizing themselves in others. A single consciousness that, in order to hide its loneliness, has spawned others to have some kind of interaction. This doesn't solve the problem though, since now there's a bunch of subconsciousness(es) within consciousness that all share the same deep emotion. While without this loneliness there might be love, there probably would not be compassion and longing. Not sure if there would be time.

Skipped post

Sore throat, running nose and a lot of sneezing.

The old issues [previous post] fleeing the system. Some of them escaping, some of them burning away and producing waves of heat.

An old friend invited me to his birthday party. Took the chance to stretch the walk so that I could also deliver grandpa's letter (delayed by a month due to my schedule). Very enjoyable weather, a nice walk of probably > 6 km.

Embarrassment

A rather embarrassing trip to Netherlands. Not only that, but also met an old acquaintance there. Each time I meet him or even just hear anything about him, I see that all I've done this far in life are little and meaningless things. What bugs me the most is that he's right. I want to do something useful, something that has a meaning but is exciting at the same time.

This issue hit me like a wall as I got back to home town again. Have been digesting the karmic traces related to that.

Met the psychic colleague on the morning bus again on Friday. She told me about her friend who had wanted to meet me again sometime. Her friend had gotten her channels opened and had described the synchronicities and all the other little wonders. Again something that makes me a bit jealous and embarrassed - I'm not worth shit, not even spiritually. Again, want to do something that would help people, mankind but can't even help myself. How pathetic is that? Lost in pretending in order to fit in. That is not what I am, at least not anymore.

Ego slap. But then again, I'm also glad that all this is surfacing. It means that with each day there's less of the stuff buried within.

Sorry for anyone having to read this. Witnessed an interesting transition between dream environments during a daily nap. Had watched some X-Files again, so dreamt of a couple investigating something at a ship yard or something. I was just a cloud of consciousness floating around above the sea, observing the couple and their environment. They were staring at the horizon. This caused them to drift from the ship yard towards the sea. Soon they were no longer standing at the ship yard, they were standing knee-deep in the water, as if on a platform. Are they standing on a whale (saw the whale for a moment but they weren't aware of it)? No, more like just floating through space (they were not even aware of the water). A pattern of cars emerged from between the water and the horizon. Then a bridge rose from the sea, with a lot of cars driving on the bridge. The couple eventually ended up on the structure of the bridge, tens of meters above the cars. In their minds, the couple were still standing on a platform whereas in the dream "reality" they were walking on some pipes and beams of the bridge. Looked dangerous. With their state of mind, it wasn't.

This reminded me of something I realized about some old posts on flying dreams. It's not the speed of flight that keeps me from flying to space in lucid dreams. It's fear of heights. Regardless of having climbed somewhat tall trees, apparently I'm still afraid to go higher.

Binaural and psi field

A colleague performed tests. Found a flaw and had to redo the tests. Since the tests take several days, I proposed that we work in shifts. Well, no other colleague agreed to take any shifts. Thus, a few days and nights with barely any sleep. On the bright side, I managed to watch two seasons of X-Files between the tests. X-Files are good, they've helped me realize a lot of things. Missed a family birthday event though (skipped another birthday event last weekend due to work). I was reminded about aunt's visit tonight. So, instead of sleeping the day off, I started cleaning the garbage dump *cough* home. Enjoyed a few random naps throughout the day, about 2 hours at most (always interrupted by random phone calls).

Listened to binaural beats a few hours at the beginning of the week. This strengthened the psi field so that I could focus on it at will and when I did, it would start to wobble. This used to be 24/7 years ago. Binaural beats sure are effective in bringing the field to the foreground so that it becomes easy to focus on it. A lot of short sleep cycles is good for bringing the field to focus by default in sleep, from where it'll start seeping through to the waking world. Focus on the psi field is not only good for improving the density of the field and improving concentration, it also serves as a neat trick to get the mind off the body (reduces tension and lets the body heal).

Missed summer

A nice skiing weather .. almost. There was an even thicker snowcover on the islands yesterday. Had a good laugh on a photo of some guy in shorts pushing a lawnmower through thick snow. Life is strange indeed.

Some pieces of the complex string of synchronicities are coming together. Still, a lot of it is a mystery.

I've noticed that the cat is not really as psychic as I would've thought. There's a pattern to his thoughts, which makes him easy to outsmart. Whether it's blocking him mid-air while playing tag or having a neighbour walk past the door just when the cat tries to sneak out.