Welcome

The goal of this blog is to motivate myself and others for further practice as well as provide details that might explain what's going on..


Monday, August 23, 2010

pk state of mind

I could already use the pk state of mind whenever I wanted yesterday. I was listening to music and reading forum posts, when I tried it. I quickly started to feel objects around me. For a moment, I targeted the carpet on the floor in my room and I could easily feel its surface structure as well.

Yesterday evening I messed around with the lamp in my bedroom, tried to make it dimmer, but still no go. So I just turned the light off and went to bed. While in bed, I tried to make the light glow and eventually turn on. When I was practicing, I noticed that some kind of a light was flickering outside, occasionally making my room brighter or darker. A street lamp was flickering. However, it was the same street lamp that I had attempted to turn off a day before. It could've been a coincidence, but a cool one nevertheless, I think.

Woah, it was a messed up day full of all kind of medical tests and no time for eating anything. Well, I messed a couple of them up anyway. When I arrived home, I found that the last bus to Saaremaa leaves in about an hour. I ate something really fast, packed my stuff in around 10 minutes and took off.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Shapeshifting?

After watching lain a while ago (a few weeks), I felt different for 2 days. I felt like I was Lain, I guess I even acted somewhat similar. It happens, when I see someone I consider cool enough. Anyway, a few days later, I noticed that on the left side of my head, there was a group of longer hair (near the spot, where Lain had that ponytail). That group of hair got in the way today and as I wiped it aside, I found that it was about 3 - 4 cm longer than the rest of my hair.

Well, an obvious reason could be that my father missed it when making a haircut a couple of months ago.
Another, but less-likely reason could be that by feeling a part of your body different from usual, you can change its shape.

Yesterday while staring at the reflection of the lamp in my room, I saw how plants are moving from the corner of my eyes. I saw or felt them moving as if I had "connected" to them (or gotten the feeling of them). Normally I haven't been able to see that, because the movement is too small and too slow for the eyes to register properly.

I probably went to bed too late yesterday and woke up too early, as I nearly fell asleep while attempting to turn the lights off in the living room today.

If psi really flows to what we focus on (which to me seems to be the case), then how is it possible to affect an object by manipulating with its shadow? Well, it seemed to have worked with the fan 'n propeller exercise: http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com/2010/07/uncoordinated-attempts.html. For some reason, I couldn't get the lights to dim down just by focusing on the reflection of the lamp on the window or by focusing on the lit walls. I couldn't even feel the lamp through its reflection, I think that's why the bulbs didn't snap this time either.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Freaked

Have been feeling like I'm losing motivation for pk practice. A few days ago I had such a great urge to practice that I probably overdid it and thus couldn't practice enough. I guess the wave top is getting over again..

Anyway, as I haven't experienced any lights flickering during pk practice, I thought I should give the following a try:
http://www.psionicsonline.net/psychokinesis/articles/27-light-dimming-upc 

The author mentioned keeping mind cluttered with thoughts while attempting to dim the light. I have noticed that when the mind switches thoughts, there is a short delay, during which the mind is totally unoccupied. While practicing pk on a psi-wheel, that has been the moment when it usually twitches by a small amount.

There aren't many regular lightbulbs around, but I guess it should also be possible with eco lights, fluorescent tubes and LED-s as well. It would be a cool sidestep from the candle, I think.

=D Hmm, if I can't get it under control fast enough, then I might end up messing with the lighting at some public places. There's already stuff making snapping and banging noises around me and with some disco lighting included, people could consider me even more weird.

Lit the eco light (or CFL) in my room. It's too bright to look right at it, so I thought I should stare at the reflection of the bulb on the window. But before I started, it popped into my mind that the bulb might contain mercury and based on the attempt in near-dream-state, I'm afraid I might blow it.

Went into the livingroom, there are 4 regular lightbulbs connected through a dimmer. I set the lights dim enough so that I felt comfortable looking at them. Less than a minute later, snapping sounds started coming from the bulbs. The lights started flickering slightly. Then, suddenly a bulb snapped really loud and it freaked me out. I quickly attempted to stop the flickering and switched the lamp off in case of any short-circuits.

I experienced some of my deep fears - what if I actually break something because of my practice? What if I can't control it and start accidentally breaking electronics with it, how am I supposed to build the satellite then? The bulbs don't cost much, but the satellite just _has_ to work (I'm sometimes afraid that it could turn into a pk screwup worth more than 100k euros).

There's also a lamp that's quite bright and powerful, but I couldn't affect it this time. I also thought of attempting to turn a light on, but it reminds me of the bulb-exploding experience again. It could've been just a dream, but it could've also been a pk screwup during an OBE-like experience. 

I think I have to try the light dimming thing again tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about it, maybe that's why I couldn't do anything with the lights in my room.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Some meditation

Read the description of this video yesterday night. I liked it even though it raises the old question that endangers motivation: "Practicing for supernatural powers, why even bother?" In my opinion, it's yet another way for enlightenment, so why not. In any case, I should meditate more on getting to know myself.

Watched "Ayurveda: Art of Being" (2001) today, which made me want to meditate again.

Meditated some and a couple of unpleasant focal meditation exercises came up again. I guess all of them can be solved by using the same technique - visualization and holding the visualization in place by keeping consciousness in a specific spot (seems to be somewhere backwards from the default) where nothing affects it. Well, I messed around with it and eventually fell asleep again.

I'm starting to think that perhaps when I feel like falling asleep during a meditation session, it's not sleeping. I used to wake myself up every time I fell into this state before. The difference is in the feeling when waking up - after meditation I feel peace and a great improvement in the ability to focus. After sleeping, I usually just feel refreshed and pumped with psi.

It's been a while since I last tried stasis field on the propeller moving at slow speed. I made such an attempt today again, as I haven't been seeing much of a progress at high speed. Today I could maintain the slow-down effect of the propeller for longer than before. For some reason, I'm still not accurate enough when it comes to the visualization and amplification of feelings. I still have a tendency to cause tension in my body when slowing the propeller down.

Although I was tired of attempting to shrink candle flame, I still made an attempt (not a very successful one though). I also tried to make it pulse. Couldn't quite get the right feeling of pulsation, but whenever I attempted to either shrink it or lean it fast enough, it started pulsing. However, as the candle was quite worn out, the pulsing could have come from the fact that the wick was toasted or something.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Pure feeling

Yesterday night I laid on my back in the position I usually practice pk / meditate before going to sleep. I visualized the feeling of lifting up again. This time something was different, I was able to tell what the true feeling of lifting was, making the visualization much more accurate. When my visualization became too inaccurate, I lost in speed and control over the lifting and eventually my head started to hurt again.

There's another problem with my levitation practice - the feeling of lifting coincides with yet another pk practice. I used to practice pk on the mattress (changing its shape) before falling asleep and instead of lifting myself, I'm lifting the mattress. Well, I'm not exactly sure I'm actually lifting anything, but it feels like it and one morning I saw a part of the mattress rising a bit (could've been an illusion).

Messed some more with the same candle this evening. When I got the flame down to the size where the wick was barely burning, I got too excited and lost the feeling of the flame. It had taken me about 10 minutes (not sure, but it seemed that way) to get the feeling of the flame today. My head was just so cloudy and full of thoughts that it took me longer to achieve a blank state of mind than yesterday.

The feeling of getting a feeling of stuff or the feeling of "becoming the object" slightly reminded me of OBE-ing a part of my head to the location of the object. The comparison just popped into my mind after practicing. I have to experience it more clearly in order to be able to draw any parallels.

I noticed that when something to my left suddenly made a snapping sound, the flame quickly leaned left. Another snapping sound came from the living room right after, but the flame didn't react to it. I thought that the flame had twitched like this because I was a bit startled by the sound.

I tried new types of visualizations for extinguishing the flame.
  • I visualized a small shield around the flame that would stop air molecules from moving around, thus making it more difficult for the candle to gather oxygen for burning. Couldn't pull it off very well, the flame twitched a few times and perhaps became only a bit smaller, but nothing more.
  • I visualized CO2 piling up around the candle, making it difficult to gather oxygen again. This one had no effect - I guess I couldn't visualize the properties of carbon-dioxide well enough.
  • Tried to influence the wick directly, turning the glowing segments darker. The effect of wick segments turning darker could be seen (both on the wick and on the flame, which changed its shape), but I would have had to turn the whole wick darker at the same time. When my focus moved away to another segment, the previous one started glowing again.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Shrink the flame

Before going to sleep, I tried to heal my eyes by providing them with more psi. I then covered my eyes with my hands to make everything darker, visualized objects in the darkness as far as I could while focusing onto them with my eyes. A couple of minutes of such practice made my eyes water. I noticed that these figures moved when I moved my eyes, which means that they must have formed on the retina.

There was some heavy lightning this morning and I shut my balcony door. I was still sleeping when the lightning stopped and I wanted to open the door again. As I didn't want to wake up, I tried to open it while I was sleeping. I visualized a closed balcony door and put a lot of effort into pulling it open. It made a squeaking noise and opened. I was still in deep dream-state and wanted to wake up in order to verify if I was successful in opening the door while asleep. It took me a lot of effort to wake up and while doing so, I noticed that I hadn't even been in my room. I guess it was the wrong door again if anything at all, as the balcony door in my room felt different and sounded different. Anyway, I had to open it manually after waking up and couldn't get any sleep afterwards. It reminds me of this experience.

Today I can't feel big objects so well anymore. I ended up just staring at the kitchen door and it didn't seem to be moving much. Moreover, the slight headache is still there when I put too much effort into trying to move something. Also, I found it rather strange that today morning I couldn't feel much psi around me either. A few days ago, the feeling of psi surrounding me was really powerful.

Lit a candle and tried to force the size of the flame down until it disappears. At first I couldn't even feel the flame and thus couldn't affect it. After a while, I got a faint feeling of the flame and was able to shrink it when I concentrated on it. When the amount of concentration lessened, the flame grew larger again. About 45 minutes after setting up the candle, the right half of my forehead started to hurt and I stopped practicing. The flame was about half the size of what it was when I started. However, I guess that the overall size decrease was due to the wick burning out and not was not affected by my pk efforts.

On the other hand, when I visualized a block of dense environment around the flame so that the environment would force the molecules and atoms to slow down, the flame sometimes started pulsing, sometimes became smaller. For some reason, picturing ice as the dense environment didn't seem to do much. Instead, it seemed to have worked better when I visualized the feeling of dense psi or dense water, where moving speed is limited.

I also tried to make different kinds of air constructs and blow it off, but in response, the flame only pulsed and then stood still as if none of this worked.
For the fan-driven propeller, I found direct manipulation to be the most efficient. I just visualized the propeller slowing down. Visualizing molecules and atoms slowing down didn't seem to affect the flame though. What worked best in the end, was shrinking the flame directly, as if it were just another physical object I was practicing pk on.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Attempts on larger objects

Messed around with pk quite a lot yesterday. Before going to sleep, I tried to get a feeling of a coin in the dark. I could barely see the coin and couldn't get a feeling of it. Which probably means that I have developed another mindblock: "I can't move objects that I can't see". Possibly because of yesterday's pk practice, I have a slight headache today.

Today morning I tried pk on the kitchen door again. This time I didn't worry about hitting myself with the door. I quickly started feeling like the psi in my head was in resonance with the psi of the door. I couldn't see it move much, but when I looked at the shopping bags hanging from the door knob, I noticed that they started swinging, when I got the feeling of the door moving. So, the door could have actually moved slightly.

Cool, I actually saw my balcony door moving when I tried to move it. At first I could feel it move, but couldn't see it moving. Then I managed to suppress my beliefs and preconceptions about psychokinesis for about a second. At the same time, the door moved towards me for about 1 cm. It could've been just a coincidence with the wind though. However, manipulating with the wind is also a way of telekinesis. =P Have to practice some more in order to verify that it was more than just a coincidence though.

It's weird how it seems easier to get a feeling of a large object than a small one. I often find it difficult to focus on a small coin lying on the table, as my focus tends to shift to the background and I start to feel the table instead of the coin.

One more thing: I've grown so tired of waterpicking that I got almost sick of it yesterday. I started feeling really uncomfortable, wanting to practice on anything but a toothpick on water.. =/

Ow man, I'm quite nervous about the health check stuff for the compulsory military enlistment. I was afraid that they would check my eyes - they did and I couldn't see nothing at that moment. I can sometimes see perfectly, while sometimes I can't even recognize my friends when they walk by.

While in the waiting room, I began to feel the whole room around me. I felt it all bending and wobbling slightly. The bending and wobbling feeling is what has put me thinking that bending objects can't be that difficult - after all, I can feel objects doing it all the time (on a small scale though).

XD After having suppressed my beliefs about pk, my ego must have taken its revenge. I quickly got depressed, lost all confidence and wrote this post (should be the last one on the page). While going to the gym, I noticed the thought loops that had formed in my mind and broke loose from the ego trap again to see how wrong I was. So, be prepared for falling, when you're cutting the branch you're sitting on.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Air or Psi waves

Before going to sleep yesterday night, I tried to feel the air surrounding me. I felt a push towards my left. The push was probably because of some shields I still have on. However, it seemed like psi was moving in the same direction air was. There was a slight gust of wind coming in from the balcony and the slight push that I felt, came from the same direction.


I intended on practicing psionics while I was sleeping. I have sometimes had problems with controlling the subject of my dreams this way, but this time it was successful. Even though I can't remember the dreams, I remember seeing some psionics-related stuff =).


Before waking up this morning, I visualized the feelings of moving forward, backward, left, right, up and down just to remember the feelings. I woke up and tried to remember the feelings again, but it proved more difficult than in the half-dream state.

Edit: When I came back from Ventspils and went to bed, I felt the awesome power of one of the constructs I had made a while ago. I had set up the bed as a fountain of psi so that I could always wake up feeling all refreshed and full of psi. Actually, the whole room felt intensely packed with psi when compared to other rooms or any of the rooms in the hostel back in Ventspils.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Trip to Ventspils

Went on a business trip (well, not exactly - it was an international summer school on satellite technology) to Ventspils on Sunday. For most of the road, there were no clouds and I couldn't find anything to practice pk on. However, when we were something like 150 km from our destination, we saw some heavy clouds up ahead. So, I practiced some pk on the clouds.

There was a small darker spherical cloud  in the middle of the bright sky. I visualized blowing it up. A few trees blocked my view from the clouds for a less than a minute and when I saw the spot again, the cloud was in pieces, all of them flying around in different directions. I took another cloud and tried to split it in half, but didn't manage to. Only a couple of more tries were successful. I managed to alter the moving direction of a couple of clouds. For example, a smaller cloud was approaching a bigger one. I tried to pull it off the track so that it would pass the bigger cloud. A while later, the cloud was passing by the bigger one. Comparing the practice session to this one, I had to put a lot of more effort into it while the results were not even nearly as great.

Yesterday we took a hike and crossed a river. I took my stuff over my head, but kept my shirt on. Well, I didn't want to wait in the queue of people crossing it and walked right past them. The water was barely up to my knees while for the people crossing it about a meter to my right, it was to the chest. So, I looked down on a guy from the management and asked him: "What are you doing?" He started laughing when he noticed the difference in water depth. I took another step and ::splash:: I fell even deeper into the water than he was. My shirt got wet, my pants with camera, phone and wallet also got wet, but luckily in such a way that my pants were mostly wet while the camera, phone and wallet were completely dry. Management had a good laugh =D and one of them said: "Walking on water is quite an exotic skill, you know that.."

During hiking, I also noticed that no mosquitoes and no flies landed on me. Then I remembered the slippery shield I had quickly set up a few nights ago at home. A mosquito entered my room when I was trying to sleep. So, I had rapidly set something up to keep it away from me. It was interesting to see, how the other guys were having trouble with flies and mosquitoes. I didn't even have a jacket on, while most of the others did.

There wasn't much time that I could spend on practicing pk, so I sometimes just messed around with psi manipulation during the lectures. I could feel psi a lot easier there in Ventspils than I usually could back in Tartu. One more thing that occasionally startled me was that I could clearly see the aura of some of the participants .. well, without color though.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Waterpicking effort

Tried waterpicking today morning and I managed to move the toothpick for a couple of cm. It took quite some focus to keep it swimming towards my left (which is one of the directions I've been having trouble with so far). It moved really slow and I felt the amount of effort straining my right hemisphere. I have some blockages again, as it makes me feel bad, when I direct psi through my head. No wonder, as I got cold at work yesterday. The conditioning system was set too cold.

Tried to tip a pencil off balance, but I was too tired. So, I meditated for some time. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I see the sky with treetops around it. I guess it's the way light enters through closed eyes - the shadow of eyelashes reminds of trees and the light that penetrates the eyelids reminds of sky. This time, I simply concentrated on the sky and the treetops instead of trying to create something on my own to focus on. I felt great calmness and improved ability to concentrate, when I opened my eyes a few minutes later. Focal meditation has usually taken a lot more time to achieve any effects; I was amazed at how quick it was =). Slept for some time afterwards.

Weird, as I was walking to the department store, I felt my consciousness fall backwards and come forward a few times. It was something similar to falling asleep and waking up although I didn't actually fall asleep while I was walking. I just didn't have much thoughts, as I had meditated earlier.

Man, it's hot .. something like 38 degrees Celsius in the sun and the air doesn't move at all - not even a slight gust of wind.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Penetrating the boundaries

I attempted pk on the camera again and this time with higher quality, but this time I couldn't even get it to budge enough to be seen on the recording.


I checked the psionicsonline's forum pk division and as it turned out, Tricky and metalforever had responded to the thread where I was trying to help caladluin with his psi-wheel practice. Tricky brought out the magic word: affirmation, which I never knew what it meant before. Metalforever posted these two links: http://www.psionicsonline.net/about-psionics/general-articles/10-troubleshooting-psionics and http://www.psionicsonline.net/about-psionics/general-articles/17-still-troubleshooting-psionics-. The post was this one, if anyone's interested. The guidelines in these two articles should help with overcoming the limits our egos set for anything weird.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Kevin's rainshield

Cousin Kevin called yesterday evening. There was a storm on Saaremaa and he had gone out to enjoy it with his brother Kaspar. He said the storm was so loud that it was banging the windows with heavy rain and that the sky kept flashing. They had created a shield over the stairs to be able to enjoy the lightning from there. After that, it had been quiet and dry on the stairs, while the rest of the building was still under heavy rain and wind. They said they had managed to keep it that way for some time and then the shield collapsed on them. As it did, he said they literally felt the shield coming down on them.

=D Cool, and they did it. Kevin had been interested in shielding against rain for a couple of years now and I'm really happy about his progress.

In contrast, I haven't really practiced much psionics lately. Father came home and since then I'm enjoying not being alone anymore (have been watching Lain and Naruto with him in the evenings). Well, actually, I have occasionally attempted something on objects that catch my attention when I'm eating or sitting at work. I have become a bit more confident in the feelings of stuff moving. 

I put a camera filming and tried to lean it forwards, backwards and make it float while it was recording. This way the movement would be amplified on the recording. I really sucked at leaning it, but when I tried to levitate it, it actually seemed to have moved. I watched the recording and slight movements could indeed be seen. However, as the memory was quite full, I had decided to record with minimal quality and the amount of movement caught on the recording was also minimal. Got the idea from this video. While spotdathief was extinguishing the candle flame, I noticed that her camera started shaking somewhere at 0:39.

While I was meditating a few days ago, an idea popped into my mind. I had asked myself for the reason of practicing psionics. So far, I had thought that the reason was gaining control over myself. Lately I realized just how egoistic such a reason or goal actually was. The idea that recently popped into my mind, was the following: "I'm practicing psionics, because I want to know how the universe works." How stuff works is what drove me into programming, it drove me into electronics, into ancient temples, pyramids, into the paranormal, physics and psionics. So, this should be a less-egoistic reason to keep myself motivated.. =)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Serial Experiments Lain

In the kitchen, I suddenly caught the feeling of the kitchen door closing. I concentrated on the feeling, but then I realized that when the door would actually move, it would hit my leg. After I changed my position, I could no longer feel the door.

Tried waterpicking, but couldn't move nothing. Also tried the propeller over a while. I could barely influence it at full speed anymore. However, I could almost make it stand still at lower speed. Although it was a slight regression, I was happy about the success anyway.

Watched the anime "Serial Experiments Lain" almost in a single run yesterday. I would recommend it to anyone having troubles with their egos. A lot of questions emerged I finished the episodes by 1.01 AM and then went to meditate in order to find the answers. It took me almost an hour of questions; I finished meditating at 1.53 AM.

I probably can't remember all of the questions, but I think I should provide at least a few (in case there is someone, for whom these might be helpful). I can't guarantee that these are the correct answers, because it might be different for everyone. You should just meditate and find your own answers instead of trusting me or my subconscious.
  1. Where is ego? In your body. Remember that when your body fell asleep during a meditation session, you didn't feel any resistance while concentrating.
  2. If ego is in my body, then is my subconscious ego? Yes.
  3. Then why is it that my ego provides information on how I should go and destroy it while it's fighting for its survival? That's what it's for. It's there for training on becoming more aware. (There was also a reason for why it was necessary, but I didn't understand it and thus forgot most of it)
  4. What should I do with my ego? I have heard that ego should be killed (read it in some Yoga articles) and I have heard that fighting ego is even more ego (urbanmonk). I have also heard that ego should be tamed. Which one is true? Understand it and become fully aware of it, just like they said on urbanmonk.
  5. What happens when one becomes enlightened? I have heard that they cease to exist in "reality" (can't remember the reference), I have also heard that they simply fall asleep (Yoga book) for the "real" (material) world. What does actually happen? You simply become more aware and the rest that happens is already individual. You still exist after the first time your awareness rose slightly. You just changed and in that sense, the old you fell asleep.
  6. So, would I still be able to do stuff in the material world after having become enlightened? Yes, but be careful, as you can always become entangled in the material world again. That's why they suggest not to look back until you have gone far enough (something similar was written in a Yoga book). Bobbing in between until enlightenment would be the hard way. I'm all about the hard way. That's how I learned programming as well. If I had just waited for some 15 years, I would have gotten it with a month of studying in the university. Instead, I chose to learn it myself, which took something like ... 10 years or even more? You're going the hard way, searching for shortcuts at the same time, to be specific. Only that on the hard way, there are no shortcuts. You are searching for shortcuts, because you're still worried about time. Which you already told me only matters when there's infinity of it..
  7. How would I go about becoming fully aware of my ego? You think you have cleared some of your mind patterns, that you actually haven't. Think them through and you'll understand your current mind patterns better, as they are just another layer on top of the old patterns. I used to think that whenever something good happened, I had to pound it into the dirt in order to ensure that nothing bad would happen. That's because everything comes with two opposite sides. You see, you still think the same. And I used to doubt if I was worthy of the good things happening to me. We are all creating our own realities anyway (heard it countless times, but can't remember any references), so what would make you think you're not worthy of something you have helped to create? It's your ego - you have gotten used to how in the material world most things have to be bought.
There were many more questions, but a lot of them I only remember partially or didn't quite understand.

One question I still don't know an answer to is why do I pursue control. Why do I seek power (read: practice psionics), it's egoistic, isn't it? When I get a legitimate non-egoistic answer, I think that motivating myself will no longer be a problem.

I found this page: http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm. It has good points, but keeps repeating the same thing and is thus occasionally difficult to read. The way to overcome ego that is mentioned there reminds me of a 1-hour long meditation session during which one mustn't move nor think about anything. Suddenly the the ego .. it gives up and becomes silent without saying anything.