Those 3 days of testing in the lab about 12 hours straight each day really stretched my concentration to the limits. Had to re-focus several times and just prior the end of the last test, I made quite a few mistakes already.
Slept long, and slept twice today. Leaked some energy on purpose, to make room for flow. No longer feeling as tired, but still I don't feel like working today nor tomorrow. So, that leaves the weekend for work again.
Remembered that I saw a sparrow enter my room at some night. That made me a bit happier. Last night I had some sort of a realization, which I can't quite recall at the moment.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Seagulls
A dream where I noticed a bunch of seagulls on the balcony. Friendly-waved at them from the bed. I didn't mind if they came in, so they did. A couple of them flew straight to the living room, a couple of them flew to me and started playing with my index fingers (biting them carefully so that they wouldn't hurt me). They looked similar to penguins (grey seagulls?) and were rather large.
There was another dream but forgot it.
There was a party at work today. Spent another 11.5 hour workday in the lab. I was a bit stressed, wondering if I could make it for at least 2 days off on Saaremaa during the New Year's Eve. I guess it has been 1.5 years since the last time I briefly visited the relatives there. It takes about 5 hours to get there (bus + ferry + bus + a relative with a car). And I still need at least one more 8 hour workday in the lab + a few workdays for analyzing the results. In 8 minutes, it's already December 30th (never mind, already is).
Anyway, gave up on it as it's almost impossible to make it there in time. Also gave up on the party. That made me happy(er).
I've been there on Saaremaa for a lot of nights, non-physically. That'll have to do for now.
There was another dream but forgot it.
There was a party at work today. Spent another 11.5 hour workday in the lab. I was a bit stressed, wondering if I could make it for at least 2 days off on Saaremaa during the New Year's Eve. I guess it has been 1.5 years since the last time I briefly visited the relatives there. It takes about 5 hours to get there (bus + ferry + bus + a relative with a car). And I still need at least one more 8 hour workday in the lab + a few workdays for analyzing the results. In 8 minutes, it's already December 30th (never mind, already is).
Anyway, gave up on it as it's almost impossible to make it there in time. Also gave up on the party. That made me happy(er).
I've been there on Saaremaa for a lot of nights, non-physically. That'll have to do for now.
Monday, December 28, 2015
Concentration
Although this subtle attitude towards everything is the key, that's not
quite it. There's a key ingredient that cannot be put in words. Calling it attitude is a very rough approximation.
Concentration has improved a bit. Last night I focused on an imaginary point on the ceiling. A good method for OBE practice. Started losing body awareness right away. Reflexes kicked in and drew me back. Then focused on the crown, visualizing a mini-me meditating there in full lotus pose. Then a mini-me meditating on the crown of the mini-me, and so on recursively. Immediately felt an effect, even though the effect was more noticeable when I drew focus back.
There have been a few moments when sexual energy has become active, but then turned into waves of heat moving up the body. Recently there have been alternating waves of heat, then waves of cold.
The weather has finally caught up with the season. Waiting at the bus stop for 18 minutes was not as easy as I thought it would be. Visualized a strong upward flow of energy for most of the time. Spiced it with a visualization of heat emission from thermonuclear fusion. Almost worked. Though, it was not as effective as I would have hoped.
Concentration has improved a bit. Last night I focused on an imaginary point on the ceiling. A good method for OBE practice. Started losing body awareness right away. Reflexes kicked in and drew me back. Then focused on the crown, visualizing a mini-me meditating there in full lotus pose. Then a mini-me meditating on the crown of the mini-me, and so on recursively. Immediately felt an effect, even though the effect was more noticeable when I drew focus back.
There have been a few moments when sexual energy has become active, but then turned into waves of heat moving up the body. Recently there have been alternating waves of heat, then waves of cold.
The weather has finally caught up with the season. Waiting at the bus stop for 18 minutes was not as easy as I thought it would be. Visualized a strong upward flow of energy for most of the time. Spiced it with a visualization of heat emission from thermonuclear fusion. Almost worked. Though, it was not as effective as I would have hoped.
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Crutch
Visited graveyard and church with grandparents. Sang along and found that singing helps heart and throat chakras quite a bit. Attempted pk on one of the chandeliers and on a cloth hanging from the bishop's podium. No visible success. It seemed easier to manipulate the brochure with song lyrics. Tried to make it fold itself. The effect was small but visible (the far edge rose about 1 cm, not more).
For several times throughout the past few days, I've been quite close to the channels opening. Almost, but not quite.
Feeling this urge + mild sadness for something that is out of reach and out of this world. Again.
The church Christmas program made me feel sorry for all the people. The religion is like a crutch that people like to lean on while minding their daily business. One one hand, they're sad because they cannot walk or stand upright without the crutch. On the other hand, they're sad because they don't want to leave the crutch. This is not only a problem for religious people; everyone is raised this way, as our whole society has sprung from religion.
About Jesus. Realized how similar his actions (and depicted appearance) were to that of the Quetzalcoatl. Jesus also taught people to learn to live without the crutch (which contradicted with the first testament that seemed more geared towards a race of slaves).
Bought a lot of games via Steam. Undertale is a true gem, IMHO. Basically, the idea is that there has been a war between monsters and humans. Monsters are creatures without bodies (just souls), who can consume weak souls. Humans often have souls much more powerful than the most powerful monsters. However, afraid of the monsters, humans killed and cast them into the underground. Thanks to the difference in the soul strength, in most of the fights it is possible to learn the mind of the monster and defeat them without even fighting. The game is .. well .. a bit girly, but full of unexpected events and funny, too.
For several times throughout the past few days, I've been quite close to the channels opening. Almost, but not quite.
Feeling this urge + mild sadness for something that is out of reach and out of this world. Again.
The church Christmas program made me feel sorry for all the people. The religion is like a crutch that people like to lean on while minding their daily business. One one hand, they're sad because they cannot walk or stand upright without the crutch. On the other hand, they're sad because they don't want to leave the crutch. This is not only a problem for religious people; everyone is raised this way, as our whole society has sprung from religion.
About Jesus. Realized how similar his actions (and depicted appearance) were to that of the Quetzalcoatl. Jesus also taught people to learn to live without the crutch (which contradicted with the first testament that seemed more geared towards a race of slaves).
Bought a lot of games via Steam. Undertale is a true gem, IMHO. Basically, the idea is that there has been a war between monsters and humans. Monsters are creatures without bodies (just souls), who can consume weak souls. Humans often have souls much more powerful than the most powerful monsters. However, afraid of the monsters, humans killed and cast them into the underground. Thanks to the difference in the soul strength, in most of the fights it is possible to learn the mind of the monster and defeat them without even fighting. The game is .. well .. a bit girly, but full of unexpected events and funny, too.
Monday, December 21, 2015
Far does the road take you.
For the past two days I've been standing at the laptop again. Which
has caused a bad habit for the cat. He would try to climb me to see what
I'm working on. With his claws penetrating my skin, I'm not very fond
of it. I've been trying my best at expressing that I don't like it. Sometimes I've visualized my skin being made of steel or blackboard, screeching against the cat's claws and teeth very uncomfortably. Sometimes this makes him go away. Sometimes it doesn't.
Anyway, standing at the laptop for hours makes a full-lotus pose
meditation session very appealing. So, meditated a lot. In addition to meditating, I also slept a lot during the day yesterday.
A few nights ago in a dream, there was a police officer behind a car. In my opinion, he was acting strange. In any case, he wanted to demonstrate some new technology. It was some sort of a lightbeam weapon but not a laser. At close range, it had little to no effect. Its beam converged at a distance and turned air into plasma, which then splattered. To me it seemed rather dangerous and I thought he was using it carelessly. Anyway, he pointed it at about 1 meter from a man at a 100 meter distance or so. It seemed he shocked the man without causing any harm. He explained that the plasma was quite harmless, which I didn't believe. At some moment I thanked him and continued into the building, for a meeting of some sort. I think later I also looked back at the building. It was odd. An exaggeratedly futuristic version of a glass box (with domes and spheres that served no functional purpose).
Last night I tried to OBE. Didn't quite get there .. I think. Nevertheless, in the relaxed state, I sometimes saw through closed eyelids. I saw something black (one of the blankets?) just in front of me, and a bright light just to my right, above the head. This happened 3 times. Also, once I experienced a loud popping sound in my left ear. This reminded me of the bubble construct I once tossed at father's head (which probably felt similar when it popped). For some time, I breathed different. Somehow I was breathing deeply whereas the body was barely breathing at all. Each breath affected not the lungs but the central channel.
Cool dreams. Or, at least some of them. In one of them, I sat up on the bed and discussed something with uncle's widow. She appeared on the balcony and spoke from there, since there's a barrier around the room. I could both see her as well as not, as she was behind the wall and I was a cloud of consciousness both facing towards her through the window as well as facing away from her .. as well as sleeping in the bed. OBE-like, but not vivid enough in my opinion.
Another dream. I'm at home, wondering how to pimp the apartment. Since I'm more-or-less living here alone now. Well, sister is also here, when she's here (currently away). For a few nights I had been thinking of installing a sauna heater in the bathroom. Well, last night as I was explaining it to father, I thought: "What the heck am I thinking? This does not make sense." At some moment, Mom also visited the place. You know how it works in dreams, they just pop up .. without special effects, of course. Also, in the dream I had quite a bit of money on the bank account, so I looked around for a car to buy. Observed them in a similar way (just popped in and around the car as a cloud of consciousness and looked at it from every angle). In reality .. nope, dream .. I found myself observing a car I wouldn't even call a car, similar to the absurdity of the sauna heater thought =D. I don't even. Never mind.
Tired of sleeping, woke up and pulled the phone out of the pocket. As soon as I did that, its alarm went off (latency in the order of 0.1 s). Wow, haven't been that accurate in wake-up timing for .. err .. I don't know.
As I entered a bus today (and fancied about pk and enlightenment subjects), an old lady came and asked me: "How far does it take you?" I didn't get it, since a bus usually takes you as far as you let it take you (depends on the bus stop one goes off the bus, right?). Eventually I answered: "It's number 3." She scorned at the answer and repeated her question, which now seemed like a sentence: "Far does the road take you."
Every time I enjoy a slight breeze, a storm picks up. Missed a bus from work to town again and waited for another one. The stormy wind made it a bit too cold.
Thank you Reddit for Igorrr. I've been listening to Igorrr and Corpo-Mente albums for days now.
A few nights ago in a dream, there was a police officer behind a car. In my opinion, he was acting strange. In any case, he wanted to demonstrate some new technology. It was some sort of a lightbeam weapon but not a laser. At close range, it had little to no effect. Its beam converged at a distance and turned air into plasma, which then splattered. To me it seemed rather dangerous and I thought he was using it carelessly. Anyway, he pointed it at about 1 meter from a man at a 100 meter distance or so. It seemed he shocked the man without causing any harm. He explained that the plasma was quite harmless, which I didn't believe. At some moment I thanked him and continued into the building, for a meeting of some sort. I think later I also looked back at the building. It was odd. An exaggeratedly futuristic version of a glass box (with domes and spheres that served no functional purpose).
Last night I tried to OBE. Didn't quite get there .. I think. Nevertheless, in the relaxed state, I sometimes saw through closed eyelids. I saw something black (one of the blankets?) just in front of me, and a bright light just to my right, above the head. This happened 3 times. Also, once I experienced a loud popping sound in my left ear. This reminded me of the bubble construct I once tossed at father's head (which probably felt similar when it popped). For some time, I breathed different. Somehow I was breathing deeply whereas the body was barely breathing at all. Each breath affected not the lungs but the central channel.
Cool dreams. Or, at least some of them. In one of them, I sat up on the bed and discussed something with uncle's widow. She appeared on the balcony and spoke from there, since there's a barrier around the room. I could both see her as well as not, as she was behind the wall and I was a cloud of consciousness both facing towards her through the window as well as facing away from her .. as well as sleeping in the bed. OBE-like, but not vivid enough in my opinion.
Another dream. I'm at home, wondering how to pimp the apartment. Since I'm more-or-less living here alone now. Well, sister is also here, when she's here (currently away). For a few nights I had been thinking of installing a sauna heater in the bathroom. Well, last night as I was explaining it to father, I thought: "What the heck am I thinking? This does not make sense." At some moment, Mom also visited the place. You know how it works in dreams, they just pop up .. without special effects, of course. Also, in the dream I had quite a bit of money on the bank account, so I looked around for a car to buy. Observed them in a similar way (just popped in and around the car as a cloud of consciousness and looked at it from every angle). In reality .. nope, dream .. I found myself observing a car I wouldn't even call a car, similar to the absurdity of the sauna heater thought =D. I don't even. Never mind.
Tired of sleeping, woke up and pulled the phone out of the pocket. As soon as I did that, its alarm went off (latency in the order of 0.1 s). Wow, haven't been that accurate in wake-up timing for .. err .. I don't know.
As I entered a bus today (and fancied about pk and enlightenment subjects), an old lady came and asked me: "How far does it take you?" I didn't get it, since a bus usually takes you as far as you let it take you (depends on the bus stop one goes off the bus, right?). Eventually I answered: "It's number 3." She scorned at the answer and repeated her question, which now seemed like a sentence: "Far does the road take you."
Every time I enjoy a slight breeze, a storm picks up. Missed a bus from work to town again and waited for another one. The stormy wind made it a bit too cold.
Thank you Reddit for Igorrr. I've been listening to Igorrr and Corpo-Mente albums for days now.
Friday, December 18, 2015
Plugging the leaks
I was rather pissed off yesterday. Like .. it's all daisies until something is actually needed and then everyone just disappears and I end up having to do it by myself, almost without any help. Moreover, they expect me to get it done in time and have extra time for meetings and paper-pushing. I was under the impression that we had everything we needed for testing, but still had to spend most of yesterday on hacking together some testing equipment. The guy whom I invited for helping me prepare stuff for testing, disappeared even before the workday was over. Then there were also small things like a lot of components flying off from between the tweezers, a toggle switch becoming mechanically broken, the testing equipment not working up to specs and missing the bus back to town. I was angry enough to start walking back home on foot (around 30 km), but since I didn't have hiking socks and had a lecture the next morning, I decided to go back to work. Well, a coworker provided lift so that I didn't have to wait for the last bus. Got home and spent most of the evening (or what was left of it) on fixing the leaks in pipework. Found it strange that the cold water pipe was under so much pressure .. water even kept running when I closed the flow. Once finished with that, I realized the symbolism of plugging energy leaks.
This highlighted detachment for me again. Though, it did not trigger it completely.
Very interesting features within the dreams. Inspired from Reapers in Mass Effect?
I tried some sort of technology (a small platform for moving around), and then looked back at a recording of myself trying the technology. Noticed that there were tiny white butterflies around me at places. They were slightly transparent sources of light, changing their shape so that they resembled butterflies flapping their wings while remaining locked in space around the body. The largest one was right in front of the third eye. Perhaps at a distance of 5-10 mm. The body and its movements seemed very vivid and life-like. However, the recording did not stop when I thought it should / would. This triggered a realization of some sort. Can't really explain it. Interpretation: the recording technology was actually the main target of the dream. It worked on its own without operators and it was not man-made.
Another interesting feature. A false awakening, where my laptop woke up on its own, logged in and started a video game. I just stared at it from the bed, repeating the WTF? mantra. There was some sort of a faint clicking or crackling sound coming from somewhere. Couldn't determine the source.
Another feature in the dreams. Someone random approached me on the street and made compliments. Rarely do random people interact with random people and say things like that out of the blue.
This highlighted detachment for me again. Though, it did not trigger it completely.
Very interesting features within the dreams. Inspired from Reapers in Mass Effect?
I tried some sort of technology (a small platform for moving around), and then looked back at a recording of myself trying the technology. Noticed that there were tiny white butterflies around me at places. They were slightly transparent sources of light, changing their shape so that they resembled butterflies flapping their wings while remaining locked in space around the body. The largest one was right in front of the third eye. Perhaps at a distance of 5-10 mm. The body and its movements seemed very vivid and life-like. However, the recording did not stop when I thought it should / would. This triggered a realization of some sort. Can't really explain it. Interpretation: the recording technology was actually the main target of the dream. It worked on its own without operators and it was not man-made.
Another interesting feature. A false awakening, where my laptop woke up on its own, logged in and started a video game. I just stared at it from the bed, repeating the WTF? mantra. There was some sort of a faint clicking or crackling sound coming from somewhere. Couldn't determine the source.
Another feature in the dreams. Someone random approached me on the street and made compliments. Rarely do random people interact with random people and say things like that out of the blue.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
BlarRbbB
Disappointed in Mass Effect. Good ideas but they've turned it into yet another mediocre third-person shooter. The quests and dialogues don't hold a candle to Fallout 2 nor Shadowrun. On the other hand it's all for the better - boosts my enthusiasm about game development ;).
I joined reddit for others' interesting stories of the weird(s). A list of faves, so far:
Played with the sensation of levitation again last night before falling asleep. Cranked some more power into the sensation, which yielded a mild headache. Stopped.
Exceptionally boring dreams. Today at work wasn't very encouraging. So I wasn't in the right mood for the ethics course. I was about to claim my usual seat after entering the classroom, when the speaker right next to me croaked a loud ...::BlarRbbB::... That startled me a bit. Though, it's not the first time that this has happened in that classroom:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com.ee/2015/11/a-bit-of-bindu-and-geisting.html
The ceiling lamps at the corridor and living room have also been acting a bit strange recently. Flickering and crackling when I switch them on.
Although I haven't focused on the crown for a while, it has become more active. Today at work, just prior to lunch I felt a familiar sensation at the pineal gland. It's a sort of emptiness, pressure, cold and heat, combined with the feeling of well-oiled gears.
I joined reddit for others' interesting stories of the weird(s). A list of faves, so far:
Played with the sensation of levitation again last night before falling asleep. Cranked some more power into the sensation, which yielded a mild headache. Stopped.
Exceptionally boring dreams. Today at work wasn't very encouraging. So I wasn't in the right mood for the ethics course. I was about to claim my usual seat after entering the classroom, when the speaker right next to me croaked a loud ...::BlarRbbB::... That startled me a bit. Though, it's not the first time that this has happened in that classroom:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com.ee/2015/11/a-bit-of-bindu-and-geisting.html
The ceiling lamps at the corridor and living room have also been acting a bit strange recently. Flickering and crackling when I switch them on.
Although I haven't focused on the crown for a while, it has become more active. Today at work, just prior to lunch I felt a familiar sensation at the pineal gland. It's a sort of emptiness, pressure, cold and heat, combined with the feeling of well-oiled gears.
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