Evil witch?

I suspect that this is what the evil witch is about? The sleeping witch whom I've seen in the depths of some dreams ever since being a kid. The witch whom I've been the most scared of.

I suspect that I failed to mention it here but fairly recently I finished watching Monster and I thought I related to it a bit too well.

Anyway, with the whole corona virus emergency today, suddenly everything seemed to have clicked together. All the things since the 2nd half of 2019 which seemed off and illogical - were a preparation for the events which occurred only recently. I used to feel very confused and disoriented because nothing which I planned, worked out. Everything high-priority seemed irrelevant, everything was so chaotic .. now suddenly things make sense again.

I'm not sure how to feel about it but for it seems that for some reason I enjoy difficult situations. They make me feel alive, they make me feel as if I was born at the correct time and that suddenly there was a purpose for my existence. During a great difficulty, I often find my mind more clear and easier to concentrate on solving problems.

While it's probably not good to say this, the virus pandemic does help to solve a lot of problems which had been piling up over the years. Problems which otherwise seemed nearly impossible to solve. Problems, which mankind had missed out of ignorance. It's amazing how things take place in this universe. It occurred to me what "conspiracy" might be about -- it's perhaps the same as what I've referred to as "synchronicity".

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm evil or not. While I would prefer people to be happy, healthy and without suffering, I would feel very out of place in such a world. This could be interpreted as "I enjoy people suffering," which I would not like .. I think .. or at least, I like to think that I would not like that.

Short summary

Rant

It seems that I cannot flee from the problem of having to work on a dozen different things at the same time. No matter where I go or what I do, I seem to always end up swamped in work. Need to cope with it.

Instead of working 1.5x full-time at a half-time position (and skipping holidays), I decided to leave for another job. There's still school (PhD) stuff to do (the other entity that I worked for, merged with the university), so half-time for starters. However, the company is having a hard time and another main developer left. So, I've ended up with 2x full-time at two half-time positions, with about 4 different topics that need constant context-switching. So much for going to a company for "vacation". Facepalm. I love to challenge myself, so I guess I just need to figure out how to turn it all into meditation and enjoy it.

Hint: meditate, mate

For 2 mornings in a row, I witnessed someone sitting on seats across mine and meditating in the bus. Noticed the contrast - there's someone meditating before work, and here I'm reading conspiracy subreddit and listening to Doom 3 soundtrack. That made me quite jealous. Decided to change the music genre and meditate more often.

"Cute Baphomet"

Rant aside, yesterday I stumbled upon a crappy conspiracy post on reddit .. about some journalist figuring out what the god of freemasonry was. Whatever, but for the first time I took a closer look at the Baphomet drawing (Sabbatic goat) that's generally considered the essence of all evil. However, I failed to find anything evil about it. Instead, to me it looks like a symbol of fertility and a pretty good illustration of balancing the sexual energies, and of bringing them up to the central flame. Perhaps there's a general misinterpretation of the symbol?

Started re-wondering about the tetragrammaton as well.

Auric sight

While walking to work from the bus stop one morning, I saw a bright white light across the field on my left. Turned my head towards it and looked at it directly - couldn't see it. Looked forward again, and I could still see the bright light from the peripheral vision, but soon after that it disappeared altogether.

Today while preparing slides for a lecture, I saw something shadowish come next to me to see what I was doing. I looked at it, thinking it was the cat but the cat was not in the room.

Dreams

A few nights ago I left a lecturing hall and found myself in a school building the size of a whole town. It had different wings for different levels of education but otherwise covered everything from kindergarten to postdoc. Lost my autopilot as I reached the first intersection. Never before had I paid any attention to how large the whole thing was and what all was there. Decided to glance at the library but I was disappointed at how small it was. It was just a robotic archive. Then went down another path, through some closed doors, past long halls full of server racks (the real library), until I got to an enormous cellar packed with a large amount of generators and transformers of some kind. Again mostly maintained by robots, with just a couple of engineers routinely checking some stats.

A couple of nights ago I appeared in some kid's room and taught robotics.

Saw sister come home last night (probably around when she actually did). Though, the environment looked more cluttered than this realm.

Last night I thought I hadn't flown for a while. Took off, and happened to cross realms from home streets to some place with pretty landscapes and multicolored crystal structures. The dream ended too soon, though.

Probably a lot more interesting dreams that I've forgotten to post about.

Ringing

A small detail that I've wanted to b-log down but it hasn't really fit anywhere.

Last Friday it felt as if something came from the left. My ears started ringing and at the same time, the trash bin at my right made the sound as if something had hit it.

An entity through the head?

Local news highlight

A man with two knives attacked a police officer at Freedom Square, Tallinn. The officer fired 3 warning shots and then hit his chest, killing him. It's cold outside and he was barefoot and wearing just a sweater and shorts. Witnesses claimed that he had "Stupid" written on his forehead, a rope around his neck and that he looked confused. He had BSc in Computer Science from UT, MSc in Computing from University of York and worked as a consultant for a company that is planning to automate governments. Moreover, he was the brother of one of the cofounders of TransferWise. His recent posts on Facebook and Twitter contained cryptic messages about artificial intelligence and mind-control.

This world could be improved a lot in so many aspects, that's for sure .. but running towards police officers with knives is definitely not going to improve anything.

AI Rant

A:I

Finished Alien: Isolation. Lousy implementation of a good idea, imho. The ending song is good, tho:

Puke Rat summed up quite a few of the issues with the game. Some of my rant as well: it's basically a Hollywood-style game that has any plot and idolizes stupidity. By idolizing stupidity, I mean that pretty much none of the humans on-board make any sense, they're all retarded. They never think things through, never work together, and they're only able to make lousy decisions (even random decisions would have a better success rate). Map design is just a single path maze with more-or-less randomly distributed buttons, switches and randomly chosen names for things. Looks ridiculous at least in terms of architecture, physics, space technology, computer engineering. Moreover, it's all buggy as well.

On a brighter side, the idea of stealth against intelligent unkillable monsters is good. It is also well balanced, so that hiding is never really a solution - the monsters will eventually get you from any closet. The concept of a large station that has been built gradually in all three dimensions - well done. Graphics, sound, music are very good. Also, I enjoyed the design of the 70s or 80s, combined with high technology. Then those androids were just perfect.

The game would've had a lot of potential.

Blown chance

A very good read on the broader perspective:
https://www.scribd.com/document/13165990/Dialogue-With-Hidden-Hand-Self-Proclaimed-Illuminati-Insider

Thoughts

Before 2012, there were a lot of people and entities helping me. I took a long time to decide, then decided to stay (especially after seeing how biased I had become of the spiritual level of people around). I became ill (perhaps due to the uncertainty and doubt in my decision) and recovered later. A chance of leaving together with old friends .. while leaving this body behind. Then at some moment, I felt really happy for the progress in something that I had also helped in. At that point, I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Seemed totally random.


Then I guess it became more silent, in addition to the constant feeling of having lost a great part of myself. Left alone. It seems that in the daily life everything fractally reflects on that. On one hand, I love being left alone (makes it easier to recover and evolve at unnatural rates), on the other hand I also feel disgusted about it. But then again, I've been circling the same karmic cycle throughout this life. Got to overcome loneliness and become enlightened together with the body.

Actually, even before 2012 I felt like having been born too late (a lot of old friends already gone).

Dream Training

Holy cow. A very interesting read:
http://thoughtlessness23.blogspot.com.au/

Pretty cool ideas, especially with the virtual clones, unifying the consciousness of mankind and so on. Although it should be taken with a grain of salt, at least some of it seems plausible.

Also, it might elegantly explain the dreams that I used to have many years ago. Recurring dreams of being locked up in a box with no way out, with false memories. Whenever I figured out it was all planted and fake, they became angry at me, sighed and quickly fabricated another dream environment with different false memories. Their dreams became more and more sloppy and at some point I stopped having these dreams. They then found that it was easier to keep me in dreams with content that I found interesting (pieces of electronics, schematics, working principles of fictional technology). Though, soon after I was also recognizing those in just seconds into the dream. Stopped having those dreams as well.

I also recall one night when I suddenly became lucid straight from the deep sleep state. I realized that there was someone speaking in my mind, attempting to brainwash while I was unconscious.

Apparently I've been mistaken in thinking that I have achieved some spiritual success on my own. Perhaps I owe a lot to these guys for training me in lucid dreaming, willpower, dealing with critical situations, etc. =)

Last night I visualized myself as a warrior, with the powerful tools: the mind, and the body. Took a pose, focused on just being there, and felt energy building up and flowing up the spine.

The Conspiracy

Holy ..
Watched Harald Kautz's presentation on the black goo:

Connects so many pieces of the puzzle. In general, he had come to the same conclusions but he had a lot of new info. Would be awesome to work in such a group in the future.

Stumbled upon this while digging into the many real-life conspiracies or stories that X-Files were based upon. Although logical, if this is true, then this is the biggest.

Actual weekend

with some free time to relax and conspire, yay!

Technique for focusing

 

Took a shower. Closed the tap and focused on the formation of a water droplet. Focused on the spot where water was about to drip, with the intention of experiencing the formation of the droplet as vividly as possible. Nothing else matters, just need to experience the formation of the droplet. It takes just a split-second and then it's over again. The fact that it's such a short event allows for concentration to build up and release quickly. Short sessions but seemed rather powerful.

Misc

 

Read a lot of conspiracy stuff (The Black Vault, r/conspiracy), and supernatural stuff as well (a local magazine without any references nor authors).

A few days ago I read a bunch on pizzagate, youtube pranksters and mind manipulation. This time I read on old soviet space tech as well as dug into the recent London attacks.

From the supernatural, read on spontaneous teleportation and spontaneous time travel. Should be effortless just like other forms of pk. Victims have often described a thick (almost tangible) dark mist that obscures everything (good ref to "Invisibility" by Steve Richards). Although I lack teleportation experiences, I think I've experienced and utilized this dark mist during a couple of OBEs and pk experiments. The feeling of it seems somewhat familiar.

Also found Charles Fort, the "inventor of supernatural".

Witchcraft always has a hard time, until it becomes established and changes its name. We hear much of the conflict between science and religion, but our conflict is with both of these. Science and religion always have agreed in opposing and suppressing the various witchcrafts. Now that religion is inglorious, one of the most fantastic of transferences of worships is that of glorifying science, as a beneficent being. It is the attributing of all that is of development, or of possible betterment to science. But no scientist has ever upheld a new idea, without bringing upon himself abuse from other scientists. Science has done its utmost to prevent whatever science has done.

~ Charles Fort, Lo! (1932)

Rant on stagnant society

Long time no post. A couple of weeks ago I had the longest lucid dream thus far. Flew around a lot. Not sure if it was the dream or something else, but I felt inspired the next day. Life had acquired a meaning again.

I've noticed that the enthusiasm about science / technology, spiritualism and paranormal has faded considerably. Haven't been content with myself - I don't feel I've achieved anything remarkable (arguable but that's how I feel) and I don't feel capable of achieving anything remarkable, either (at least while adhering to the limitations of the society). In this society, one must always do something novel or unprecedented in order to be accepted. With the science and technology that is accepted by the mainstream, more-or-less everything novel has already been done or would be done soon. One possibility would be to rush and try to achieve things before others (not right, as it means producing crap and trying to sell it to dumb customers). Another possibility would be to focus on a specific direction and develop a high level of expertise (dead-end in adaptivity). I would be excited to work on science / technology that is on the horizon or slightly beyond. Society considers anything beyond the mainstream dubious. Private sector is more-or-less only interested in stuff that can be marketed right away. Public sector is typically even more conservative - can only use tech that has been proven to work. Since birth I've been convinced that in order to get anywhere, I need to put forth a lot of effort. It's somewhat annoying if the society is both expecting people to do a lot of work, while repressing that at the same time.

With the chaos that Trump brings about, this might just change. Enough of this rant, though. Should detach and focus on spiritualism, instead. This way I could do whatever mediocre things need to be done in the society while gaining personal benefit (spiritualism is sort of selfish, as it makes practitioner's own life easier). Also, it still seems that spiritualism is rather difficult without the practice of psychokinesis, OBE or similar. Otherwise maintaining the inspiration and enthusiasm seems to be very hard.

Need to integrate regular meditation into my schedule somehow.

Conspiracies

Last night in the dreams I cleaned an attic of my stuff. There was still quite a lot of cleaning left.

There have been a few witchcraft-related posts popping up on Facebook recently. Read an interview from last year that I had enqueued for later. It ended with references to a SERN (intentional) sacrifice. Googled that for some time, and then started watching yet another X-Files episode (perfect before bed, right?). The X-Files episode was about satanic ceremonies with sacrifice (S02E14). Same thing - a ceremony, then a storm.

Random weird

16.11.16 - Birthday

Brought cake and cookies to work.

• A colleague: "It's not your birthday today, is it?"
• Me: "It somehow happened that it is."
• Her: "At the bus I visualized you having a birthday and not celebrating it, judging by your Buddhist influence." (she wouldn't have known)
• Me: "Sometimes I do celebrate .. a bit."

At list for this particular birthday I decided to celebrate with a few colleagues. It seemed a bit special. Although she has previously mentioned being psychic, I found it interesting that she experienced my intention in reverse.

17.11.16 - Just some dreams

Met Hyena in the dreams again. We discussed some stuff (related to the Invisibility book, I think). Eventually he led me through a crimson corridor that had a lot of cat piss stains (weird symbol).

I said I had to go for some work related stuff.

18.11.16 - Strange symbols

Connected two dots and realized that I should try Samyama on elements from within the dreams. Theoretically, in my case currently this should be more efficient than doing the same thing in waking life.

Decided to try it. Before bed, mind had an affinity towards the fire element. Tried with that. I knew there would probably be quite a few hidden fears related to fire. However, these would pop up before I get to actual Samyama on fire, and thus it should be safe. Also, there shouldn't be any real progress until those fears are resolved. Fine.

The thought of fire split into what associated with fire - light, heat, life, activity, anxiety, etc. Fell asleep. Autumn at a foreign place with pretty scenery. I was surrounded by different things I was afraid of, the presence of which could be easily sensed. However, none of them posed any immediate danger.

One of the recurring symbols (appeared 3x): a large mother wolf with a young wolf approached me from behind and walked past. Each time, the young wolf looked at me, growling angrily. Although it didn't show it, I could tell that the large mother wolf was also angry at me. I couldn't tell the reason, and regardless of my attitude towards the young wolf (even if I petted it fearlessly), it was still sincerely angry at me. The mother wolf always took the young wolf with it, not allowing it to cause me any harm (regardless of its feelings towards me).

There were also a lot of fences. At a crossroad there was a rusty fence with a fine cloth covering it, which caught my attention. Raised the cloth and found that the fence was broken. Extracted the broken part and put it aside.

Reached prison grounds (recognized this as one of the places I've tried to avoid as much as possible). Tried not to step into forbidden areas. A man was being taken to the prison and there was a crowd shouting something. Except for the fact that the prison guards didn't like there being noisy people around, the shouted words didn't seem to mean much. Actually it sounded like a mantra, so I also chanted it a long a few times. Still remembered it in the morning but by now I seem to have forgotten what it was that they shouted there. The man was nervous and afraid. This prison contained failed lab experiments, one of which came and killed the man (gore). Not that she wanted any harm to the man, but simply the killer instinct was too strong.

19.11.16 - Dad's visit

Dad visited for birthday celebrations. A lot of interesting discussions about the formation of matter, about invisibility, politics and so on .. all compressed into a couple of hours.

He mentioned an interview about archaeological finds from Antarctica. According to that interview, it seems as if there's been a serious nuclear war there. The war has caused large craters, melted buildings, torn the ground into mountain ridges and so on. One of the theories was that this is the long sought Atlantis. According to some old texts, Atlantis used to be somewhere on the equator so that pyramids lined up on the equator line. In that case, the equator would have to have been tilted a lot (like .. perpendicular to the current one, and we would probably have to exclude the pyramids of Xi'an). But in any case, that would explain the fossils in Estonia, based on which it used to be close to the equator before the ice age. Wild theories.

He had also started tracing the decisions of politicians before and after Bilderberg meetings, to deduce what was discussed and what was agreed at the meetings. A simple yet ingenious idea, in my opinion.

I found his last story the most fascinating. He said he remembered having seen his watch before. As a kid, his father had strange visitors sometimes (a routine back in those times, I guess =D). Among them, there was an old man who was particularly fond of the family and kids. So, they took a boat trip. That was dad's first boat trip on the sea. He noticed that the old man had an interesting wrist watch. The man noticed boy's interest in his wrist watch, and said: "You like it? It's a Japanese watch, I bought it a long time ago. It's yours if you wait for 70 years." It's a Casio G5600E with solar cells. In particular, Dad remembered that the battery indicator showed 'M'. Now that he showed me his watch, it indicated a fully charged battery with 'H'. Note that this occurred in 1966. Who was the mysterious old man, who visited the family just before retirement? Also I wonder why the old man said 70 years when by now dad already has it. Father thought this could indicate time travel in 2036.

No claims here. Just raw data for future reference. Especially since the verification of details is still in progress.

large machine

Realized something obvious again. The similarity between my home environment in the dreams, and the healing room that the author described in the Superman project. Background story:

Had a dream this morning, where I was just in front of the front gate of the summerhouse. I was busy tinkering with some awesome tech that I had gotten from somewhere (or built myself, dunno). It was in a cylinder at the back of a truck. Used that to heal &/ enhance myself. It was very effective, but for some odd reason each time I used it, some kind of an entity dropped into my realm. This strange machine appeared instantaneously each time I attempted to heal. Each time it deployed a rover, which circled around the truck, drawing me into the corner. Once cornered, the machine scanned me and disappeared. This happened three times, each time its behaviour was identical (thus the assumption that it's a machine). I did not enjoy being scanned by this thing .. not in the least. Perhaps because I felt totally powerless. I had absolutely no shields, no rooms to close myself into, and this machine just popped into the most sacred sanctuary without any warning. The last time I hid into the cylinder, realizing that's not a viable solution, either.

Woke up and realized the similarity with the Superman project. Today I've felt quite different from the previous days. Somehow it's a lot easier to focus. While driving, I felt the surroundings better than usual. At times I picked up an apple and threw it. Surprisingly, I was able to hit small openings very easily from mid-range (10 - 20 m). Large distances were still inaccurate, though. Practised standing and walking on hands and driving with a monowheel. The learning speed surprised me as well.

Mystery girl

The previous post lacked space for this detail. Noticed a peculiar young couple while waiting for the nightly bus from home town to the capital airport. A young guy in his 20s with a young girl. The guy seemed normal, perhaps a bit "experienced" for his age. The girl did not seem normal:

• Very shy or afraid of other people surrounding them.
• Albinism?
• I couldn't determine her age.
• I couldn't determine their language (they only whispered silently).
• Fairly fresh tattoo on her left thigh.
• Inhumanly attractive.
• Couldn't pick up any emotions or thoughts from the girl (psychic?).

Moreover, the girl seemed to have reacted to my attempts at detecting emotions or thoughts. It could be that she seemed alien due to me being unable to read her. Typically humans have a set of common memories or characteristics from growing in the community. She either didn't or I failed to sense it. This got me exceptionally curious.

I've probably read too much fiction with conspiracy theories but I started to wonder if the girl has escaped from some underground lab from somewhere .. or if she has been treated as a slave or somesuch. Or maybe an alien human hybrid of sorts. Fun to wonder about but most likely too far-fetched.

Odd

A lot of strange coincidences and things manifesting. At the moment I still don't see the full picture yet, but some of the pieces are gradually coming together.

An odd number of summer trainees

Yesterday a cute asian student popped up at the observatory. There were a lot of bright sparkles popping up around her, which caught my attention. Chemistry? Very odd, because previously no-one has showed up that randomly and asked for an internship. Especially because the place is quite a distance from the town and it doesn't really have any background in chemistry. Thanks to synchronicity, found a job for her to work on.

I accidentally build a shelf

And it was working. Today there were a lot of forgotten meetings where I popped up thanks to synchronicity. Between all the meetings, I "accidentally" also got the job done I had planned for today .. in addition to all the bureaucracy overhead.

Misc

Last night I went to bed early. Suddenly something happened and the mind went blank. Some kind of an external noise stopped, after which I spent a while wondering what just happened. It was as if the noise preoccupied the mind somehow, making it difficult to focus or think clearly. Strange but I have experienced this before.

Pitchfork-revolution

Last week I noticed a dent in the asphalt that looked exactly like a superman take-off spot. The dent had suddenly appeared on the pedestrian crossing. I did not take a photo. Hmm .. perhaps should .. #mildlyinteresting

Other than that, at work I bumped into the lecturer from this post:
http://sussch-daweird.blogspot.com.ee/2015/11/pk-research-cooperation.html

Had him talk while having lunch. He was quite pessimistic about the future of mankind. He talked about the politics of the European Union and how it would define the collapse of EU. In addition, his worries about the potential witch-hunt against science had increased since the last time I met him. The reality dawned on me as well. Can't just ignore it and hope people's mistrust will just make them perform their own experiments to learn about how the universe works. It might even be that the majority doesn't get anything about that, and they don't even care. All they care about is cornering a group and living out their anger on them (because the overall system sucks). At these times, the current system does not serve anyone anymore. It only reduces people's trust towards governments, big corporations and anyone who is financed or supported by them. And people don't get it and they don't care.

In addition, there was a guy who proposed some ideas of making millions off people's ignorance. That would be bad karma, but what's the most sad about it - it would probably work because we the mankind are stupid enough.

So, enough of this rant. The lecturer also agreed that there's no way any of this is going to change unless mankind manages to change its perspective on these matters. One way to do this is bringing space travel to the masses. I think another way to do this is by getting psychokinesis, OBE and spiritual practises to the masses. Both can be driven by curiosity about the inner-workings of the universe. Although I've been somewhat convinced otherwise, maybe just maybe it is possible to merge science and psychokinesis, OBE and spiritual stuff somehow? That might just save the day and avoid one pitchfork-revolution.

Crutch

Visited graveyard and church with grandparents. Sang along and found that singing helps heart and throat chakras quite a bit. Attempted pk on one of the chandeliers and on a cloth hanging from the bishop's podium. No visible success. It seemed easier to manipulate the brochure with song lyrics. Tried to make it fold itself. The effect was small but visible (the far edge rose about 1 cm, not more).

For several times throughout the past few days, I've been quite close to the channels opening. Almost, but not quite.

Feeling this urge + mild sadness for something that is out of reach and out of this world. Again.

The church Christmas program made me feel sorry for all the people. The religion is like a crutch that people like to lean on while minding their daily business. One one hand, they're sad because they cannot walk or stand upright without the crutch. On the other hand, they're sad because they don't want to leave the crutch. This is not only a problem for religious people; everyone is raised this way, as our whole society has sprung from religion.

About Jesus. Realized how similar his actions (and depicted appearance) were to that of the Quetzalcoatl. Jesus also taught people to learn to live without the crutch (which contradicted with the first testament that seemed more geared towards a race of slaves).

Bought a lot of games via Steam. Undertale is a true gem, IMHO. Basically, the idea is that there has been a war between monsters and humans. Monsters are creatures without bodies (just souls), who can consume weak souls. Humans often have souls much more powerful than the most powerful monsters. However, afraid of the monsters, humans killed and cast them into the underground. Thanks to the difference in the soul strength, in most of the fights it is possible to learn the mind of the monster and defeat them without even fighting. The game is .. well .. a bit girly, but full of unexpected events and funny, too.

Erna

Erna hike was fun. Though, I think I would prefer custom hikes more because I would've liked to enjoy the nature instead of constantly running around to reach the next checkpoint in time. I was quite surprised at our performance actually.

I think this was the first time I was actually prepared for something like this. Started out with so much passion that I felt it burning inside me. Even at the finish, I felt somewhat fresh. Due to a lack of proper pauses in the end, my feet got bad but that was surmountable. However, the first time I took a nap after 24h of hiking, I started feeling tired. Dream-training definitely helps a lot.

Although intuition pointed things out every now and then, I did not utilize it much, though. For most of the time I simply observed how situations played out. Although I did not have a map with me, and I hadn't taken my compass out, I could sometimes tell that we were going in the wrong direction .. which later turned out to have been the case. In the control points also, subconscious notified about different things. If we had followed my intuition, we might have earned a few more points. But then again, before the hike we had agreed that we were not in for the points but for the hike and just to have fun.

On Friday evening there were chemtrails (or really suspicious weather phenomena) - clouds with a metallic glare that caused a rainbow halo around the sun. Also, during the hike they provided water in the control points. This water was spoiled with some sort of an energy drink (tasted awful).

Dunnowhat and room of fire

Two interesting dreams right after dunnowhat.

This dunnowhat or whatever I was dreaming of or doing before, had lasted for quite some time. I was at an old shack that barely had any walls, doors (large gaps between the wooden planks). In fact, these gaps in the walls and doors made me wonder why I felt safe in there. If I've managed to live in such a shed for all this time, then there shouldn't be anything for me to try to protect myself from. Decided to finally go to bed to get some sleep from within the dream. A mattress! The mattress looked like one of those in a Silent Hill or some Fallout episode -- ragged but still almost functional. Cool .. ::me starts pulling it out so that I could lay down on it:: *poof, it turns into a cloud of hornets* ::me darts across the room and closes the door::

Waited in the other room for some time, then opened the door and went back. I was sort of prepared and knew what was going on in that room. The room was full of some sort of invisible fire or flame that purified or transformed things. The hornets had filled up a large cauldron and transformed into a honey-like mixture. I was amazed at how pure it was - I would've expected some hornets still laying around here or there, but there were none. I tasted the mixture and it was perfect -- whatever it was.

Continued with the effort of trying to find some sleep. But I guess I was still holding the ladle with some of that .. fluid. Must have mishandled it or something, because a viola on the wall caught fire. Wanted to extinguish it, but realized there was nothing in the range of 1.5 km that could help. Oh well, whatever then .. so much for the sleep. Already bright outside anyway.

Woke up and fell asleep again. I was a cloud of consciousness, observing an interesting space mission (browsed the tree of acquaintances). Basically a bunch of enthusiasts in NASA were reviving the Apollo mission. Although I wanted to, it didn't seem like I could interact with what I was observing. Also it was not factual but a stream of symbols that were different each time I looked at them. There was a small rocket, which shouldn't have been able to deliver the payload into orbit (at least that was my opinion in the dream). So, I thought they had used negative mass. Tried to ask one of the crew members about this, but nothing happened (no interaction at all). Also I was so fascinated by this project and its crew that after the launch, I felt deserted (like the last of friends had all just left). A lot of emotions, which I realized were a waste of energy .. so I tried to channel them into detachment and spiritual progress. Woke up into my room, one of space-tech friends was there with their dream body (a friend whom I don't know or haven't met). We laughed at the humour of the Apollo crew. Apparently the new crew had even revived the sense of humour from the old one. Woke up.

Shadowrun

I've played quite a bit of Shadowrun recently. Shadowrun: Dragonfall is very good, in my opinion .. almost comparable to Fallout 2. Very good storyline, packs conspiracy theories, ancient civilizations, magic, shamanism, jedi-ism in addition to the run-around-with-guns in a post-apocalyptic world.

Such video games have sometimes helped me uncover a specific attitude towards the world. Especially when the outcome of a situation in the game depends on dialogue options and it's missing the line that I would want to say. The attitude: Since I'm in this situation with these resources, then there must be a way out with what I have.

For most of the time, this mentality works better in reality than it does in video games, because the latter are still rather limited. However, right when I had adopted the attitude, even seemingly impossible conditions sparked good tactics.

Another aspect of gaming is the involvement of psionics and geisting. A locked door .. I enter 5 numbers in some order, without letting the rational mind interfere .. click, door opens on first attempt. Cool. Sometimes subconscious mind has notified me of when to save, which dialogue options to select, based on the intended outcome and so on. Today when the player character was taking a train home, and there was a description of the wind in the train tunnel .. bam, living room window blasts open and a strong wind blows through my room. Paused the game and closed the window :).

Anyway, last night my mind was full of Shadowrun clutter. Managed to brush it up before entering sleep.