Ronery

Worked till early morning (4 AM). Went to bed and had a dream.

Dream

Me and sister were cleaning the apartment. I found a note indicating that one of the neighbours had been cleaning our basement as well. They probably just threw most of the stuff away .. which I figured wasn't that bad. Was about to show the note to sister when a fire alarm went off for ~3 seconds. It was a strange sound so I thought it was one of the neighbours. Though, in a few minutes, a lot of neighbours came in to look around. One of them pointed out I had a fire hazard in the kitchen. But there's nothing there, I thought. Went to check anyway, and found some kind of a steampunk construction in the middle of the room. A large pipe with valves that looked like it was going to explode any minute. There was steam leaking out from places, and the pipe was glowing red. However, this was probably nothing because the pipe was there for the cooling water. There was an open pipe going into the floor that looked like a rocket engine, especially with the flames coming out of it. I thought the cooling water was turned to maximum already and apparently the flow was still too low, meaning that all the water evaporated immediately. Even if I would somehow manage to increase the flow of water, it would most likely cause an explosion. Decided to close the water valve by hitting it with a broom. That should buy me some time to figure out how to put off the fire. Err .. wait, that doesn't seem right, either. Anti-kicked the valve with the broom to get the flow of cooling water back to maximum. Boom, sparks (or something that looked like molten metal) flew up the pipe in the floor. Though, something "illogical" happened - the phase of water changed and it obtained superfluidic properties. The flames were purified as well. So, apparently the cooling water was not at maximum before, or perhaps closing it and then reopening it caused pressure to build up for a moment, which helped to resolve the situation? In any case, this helped me realize within the dream that I wasn't dealing with fire and water but different forms of energy / psi.

Awake

A strange day. Almost like being back in another parallel universe. A place with people living in hope and inspiration. Gonna be another worky late night, though.

I ad Mysterious Matters podcast. It's simply awesome. Listened to a doctor describing near death experiences of patients. Very inspiring stories that deliver a great many goosebumps.

Came back to the realization of being alone in the universe. There can be bazillion friends but when there's a time of need, then suddenly it drops to zero. Or, perhaps you have a wonderful experience that you'd like to share with other people, only to understand that none of them see it full of wonder like you do. Even worse, they might spoil it because of their mood, ego or whatever. People hate to be lonely, so when they feel lonely, they subconsciously tend to create imaginary friends to talk to. Ego is one of such constructs that helps to hide loneliness by drawing attention to what you think others think of you. It's like a game that one becomes so absorbed in that they start to believe it's real. People also look for relationships to try and get rid of this loneliness.

However, sometimes it seems to me that loneliness is something more fundamental. Relying on others in time of need is really a weakness. It's like blaming the inability to do something on others (or the lack of them). Life and experiences are intimate, much like one's religion. Your life and your experiences only have true meaning for yourself and can't be shared. Or rather, can be shared but will be seen differently so that they no longer have the same meaning. Thinking about it this way, life and all the experiences seem to contain more magic, more power and at the same time less dangerous. Fate boils down to attitude - the way you treat your own experience. As a side effect, helping others loses its glare. That is because we all have different experiences and we treat them differently, we might interfere with their own spiritual development. Instead of trying to help directly, it should be a lot better to help them help themselves (less interference). But to me it seems that loneliness goes even deeper. It's not only the magic of your own life and the fact that nobody understands it the way you do. It's the loneliness of the universe. When one accepts their loneliness, they start recognizing themselves in others. A single consciousness that, in order to hide its loneliness, has spawned others to have some kind of interaction. This doesn't solve the problem though, since now there's a bunch of subconsciousness(es) within consciousness that all share the same deep emotion. While without this loneliness there might be love, there probably would not be compassion and longing. Not sure if there would be time.