Realization 1
One of the realizations was about how my viewpoint of life has been flawed. I had decided to test out this viewpoint since the military service. Alternatively, it could be that it wasn't really a flaw in the viewpoint but just me growing out of it. At military service, everyone else around me was crazy about girls (only good looks were of importance) and they did not really value any of the hidden qualities nor did they value their own self-control.
I decided to reconsider my own values, relax self-control and focus more on girls, too. The more I did, the more I realized how difficult it is to find anyone who would understand me well enough, or would at least value similar traits. Then the dreams related to grandpa started, which raised some urgency in the matter. I realized how different my worldview was from what it ought to be in order to raise a family, so I worked on adapting that.
At some point I considered my worldview compatible enough with raising a family. One day I gave up on actively looking for a girlfriend. It was then that I saw a girl who seemed to be the one. Based on the way she walked and stood, it seemed that she valued similar traits and could potentially understand me. I was very surprised to see that a girl like that actually exists. Haven't seen her since. Anyway, something in me seems to have changed.
About self-control, just recently re-realized that in order to improve, I ought to do things the way they're hard to do. Probably this occurred to me thanks to actually getting a vacation after several years of constant full-time work and full-time studying. While this was somewhat obvious and very well described in Castaneda's books, I don't think it fully clicked back then. Or maybe it did but the worldview which I adapted from military service just wasn't compatible .. not sure but it's also kind of irrelevant. This should also be the key to the puzzle which has .. well .. puzzled me for years: "how to avoid losing the will to improve after reaching one's goals?" If the goal is to seek difficulties to resolve them, then it will be impossible to reach the goals and that would be perfect.
Realization 2
The other realization was about how mind constructs function. I've noticed foreign emotions and thoughts during and following celibacy fails. It's not only "you reap what you sow," but it seems it's mixed with what others have sown. Mind constructs are more powerful and more dangerous than I would have thought. It seems it's quite easy to become obsessed about such a construct, become addicted to it and eventually become possessed by it (or by whatever has been sown right next to it). Again very much like the monsters in Fullmetal Alchemist.
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