Stage curtains

While a few years old, I remember being fascinated by stage curtains. It felt as if they isolated the space, making it really difficult for my physical senses to tell my location. I could still imagine what it was like outside, but while surrounded by these, I could imagine I was somewhere else .. and it felt so real.

Last night it occurred to me that this could perhaps be used for teleportation practice. With the physical senses offering no help in telling my whereabouts, it should be easier to visualize that I'm somewhere else.

Could set up identical small rooms in two different places. Then step into one of these and imagine being in the other one. Ok, maybe there would have to be a small sign which indicates which room it is, so that I wouldn't have to exit the room to check each time.

Wolf

On Saturday morning, the bus to another city was packed with people coughing. Since Thursday I was still feeling a bit sick (a lot of mucus in the lungs, left eye itching, stomach ache, headache), I decided to rest instead of using the multimedia device on the bus.

Saturday and Sunday I spent at grandparents' place. On Sunday there were elderly people visiting. After the event, grandpa expressed gratitude that I had been able to come and that I always seemed to get along well with the elderly. I said: "Well, I guess I'm old too," which caused a reaction like "Pfft, what the heck, man?". On a more serious note, I could relate to one of the old ladies who cried and said she was "tired of everything". I found it curious that she seemed to have used almost exactly the same words which I had used not very long before.

On the bus back home, there was barely anyone coughing nor sneezing in the bus. But the multimedia device in front of my seat was broken. While there was nobody sitting next to me, I did not change the seat. Instead, I decided to look out of the window (without seeing anything because it was dark) and work through the variety of thoughts in my mind. It made me feel a bit uneasy that there was a reflection of the girl sitting in the row in front of me, "blocking the view into the darkness".

Bought an air humidifier / cleaner yesterday. While taking a shortcut to the device, trying to keep a distance to people, a girl with a pierced face walked past me. She looked at me, smiled and thought I was cute. I briefly glanced at her with my classic serious and maybe a bit sad face with all the blemishes in full glory.

On Monday morning I had a couple of interesting dreams.

Dream: Wolf

I was in the front yard of the summerhouse with someone at my left when someone else came running and shouting: "A wolf, a wolf, there's a wolf in the yard!"

The wolf darted past him, and seemed to be running at me. I was glad that it wasn't chasing anyone else there. Grabbed the wolf as it leaped towards my face with its teeth, and started petting it. It struggled for a bit, trying to bite me in the face in some way or other but it eventually gave up. The wolf kept shrinking the more I petted it, until eventually I lost it in the fabric of my clothing.

Dream: A cult

I think I was formless, at least in the beginning when I followed a couple of people walk into a "witchy" building. Witchy because it was made of stone and wood, and looked old. Apparently one of the couple was new to this cult, so the people introduced them to their core principles. Everything seemed okay until they started a ritual or something I guess. Then suddenly everyone in the room turned towards me (did I accidentally take a form?) and started to chant things like "You are one of the ??? Samaritans, you are one of us, one of us" or something along the lines. I have forgotten the word ???, but I suspect it might have been "first", "last", "true" or whatever. Due to the people turning towards me and chanting suspicious stuff in a creepy way, I left (vanished). The "you are one of us, one of us" part I still heard while I was in the void between the dream and waking up. They spelled "us" with a hissing Slytherin 'S'.

Stable portals

Mayhaps not as exciting a summary as the previous one, but it's a post.

Somewhat exhausted from the week of heavy focus on work. A lot of sleep and daily naps. Sleep cycle is pretty messed up. Enjoyed a long chat with Mom about previous lives, space-time and collective dreams.

Oh, but regardless of feeling exhausted, it seems that productivity has not dropped. Or at least, not much. Patched some pretty serious bugs today.

Cat return

Cat was found a couple of days later, the next morning after Mom asked the cat to return in her mind. Climbed the tree and took the cat down. Cat was very humble, so perhaps I was wrong about thinking that the cat had fled for a feline nightclub or something. Perhaps he just fell down from the balcony, after all.

Space-time

Apparently my suspicions were right - her real issue was not physics and math, it was spiritual.

Regardless, stumbled on this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/comments/6o8bue/the_amount_of_quantum_vacuum_fluctuations_that/

This goes amazingly well with personal experience as well as with what I read from Steve Richards' "Invisibility". Though, it shows that my ponderings about finite vs. infinite universe were pretty far off.

Dreams

Took a group of random people (colleagues, friends) and explained what I had found out about portals. Organized an excursion through a few places. This time the portals were stable enough to let a whole group of people through. Showed them a place after a place, while discussing stuff with some of them who displayed deeper interest in these things. However, at some moment I realized that I had led them into a wild area. Had to fend off entities. Alarm rang or something. Anyway, woke up.

Someone else organized an excursion through a heavily guarded area for me. Claimed it was safe because almost everyone was on vacation. "If something were to happen, you could climb down this vent here." I tried the vent and fell .. into the exact same room. Sensed somebody coming. Casually sat down behind a chair, trying to think myself invisible / unnoticeable. A dude entered the room and seemed to have been oblivious of me being there. Woke up.

Will do this

Although there is no time, I feel like posting at least a summary of events.
I'm more-or-less left alone on the project, so need to do the full-time job of at least 3 people. Regardless of the fact that the crunchtime marathon has gone on for months already.

The way to cope with this is: f*cuk it, I will do this. As deep absorptive focus as possible, on the task at hand. Then at night or during breaks, relax the mind and every muscle of the body. It's also important to have the state of mind that "This is the current status of things. I have the chance to make things even better." In other words, there are no bad situations, there are only situations that can be improved.

For one, this has gotten OBEs and lucid dreams going. Also, it has become easier to maintain celibacy.

Learning the elements

One night I decided that I would fly about till the morning, so perhaps some of it would stick when I woke up. Flew a lot, but a moment later I was interrupted. I was shown to some exercise grounds. I understood that in addition to just flying around, I would need to learn different elements. The environment was unearthly - unrecognizable flowers, unrecognizable animals. There were some kind of circular plates in the ground, each with a picture on it. I guess I passed the first one (or first two) so quickly I didn't even notice what they were. There I was, with the symbol of the previous plate in my right hand, standing in front of another plate. The plate had the shape of a mountain and some arcs symbolizing water. I put the symbol from my right hand on top, and started finger-painting it out so that the original image would be restored. It was like finger-painting in mud with different colours. Finished, I walked past a puddle, went uphill and noticed a more reddish zone to my right. In these exercise grounds, one could not just move from one zone to another. One had to enter through a chain of portals that might lead to the next zone if allowed to. While walking along the fence of the zone to my right, I heard something walking behind me. Turned around and saw two animals that looked somewhat similar to ostriches. Grabbed a camera and took a photo. The animals perceived this as a sign of danger, but oddly enough started running towards me (with anger) not away from me. I put the camera away and they stopped immediately. They realized that I was not a threat. Enjoyed the glimpse of a pretty sunset for a moment, and left for the portal that might take me to the next zone. It did not. The dream became incoherent.

Has anyone here played From Dust? It's an awesome game that probably influenced my dream.

Skewed portals

Mom visited us (all the way from Spain, yay). Spent a night trying to explain portal dynamics to mom and sister. While I had managed to use the same portals to go to the same place several times over, none of it worked right when I got others into the dream. The portals became very unstable and started pointing to other places.

Levitation with gravity assist

Many more flying dreams. Though, one of them stood out. Me and an ex-friend walking the corridors of a large building of some kind. I tried using walls and corners for gravity assist. Ended up going faster and faster, afraid of splashing against the next wall. Pretty fun, though the speed got a bit frightening in the end. He was not that amused about it.

Space-time

Another night that I intended to redirect my nervousness, worries and anger into learning something new .. wanted to figure out how space-time works so that I could work more efficiently. Perhaps a time-warp bubble around me, so that I could stretch the working hours from 13 hours to several days.

Nothing happened.

Yesterday an old acquaintance suddenly messaged me with a physics / math problem about maintaining stable wormholes. This, in addition to her personal realizations about the fabric of space-time, similar symbolism from old texts and a lot of other stuff.
~"Nah I don't have the time for this."
~"Shut up and absorb the info."
Well, alright.

Catscape

On Sunday evening, the cat encountered another cat and went nuts. "Dragged" the cat home. Next evening I found my soldering station cable chewed broken. Locked the cat out of my room. Cat escaped through the balcony (a refreshing fall of 3 storeys). Welp, cat's own choice. Choices have consequences. Thunder and heavy rain for a great many hours.

Actual weekend

with some free time to relax and conspire, yay!

Technique for focusing

 

Took a shower. Closed the tap and focused on the formation of a water droplet. Focused on the spot where water was about to drip, with the intention of experiencing the formation of the droplet as vividly as possible. Nothing else matters, just need to experience the formation of the droplet. It takes just a split-second and then it's over again. The fact that it's such a short event allows for concentration to build up and release quickly. Short sessions but seemed rather powerful.

Misc

 

Read a lot of conspiracy stuff (The Black Vault, r/conspiracy), and supernatural stuff as well (a local magazine without any references nor authors).

A few days ago I read a bunch on pizzagate, youtube pranksters and mind manipulation. This time I read on old soviet space tech as well as dug into the recent London attacks.

From the supernatural, read on spontaneous teleportation and spontaneous time travel. Should be effortless just like other forms of pk. Victims have often described a thick (almost tangible) dark mist that obscures everything (good ref to "Invisibility" by Steve Richards). Although I lack teleportation experiences, I think I've experienced and utilized this dark mist during a couple of OBEs and pk experiments. The feeling of it seems somewhat familiar.

Also found Charles Fort, the "inventor of supernatural".

Witchcraft always has a hard time, until it becomes established and changes its name. We hear much of the conflict between science and religion, but our conflict is with both of these. Science and religion always have agreed in opposing and suppressing the various witchcrafts. Now that religion is inglorious, one of the most fantastic of transferences of worships is that of glorifying science, as a beneficent being. It is the attributing of all that is of development, or of possible betterment to science. But no scientist has ever upheld a new idea, without bringing upon himself abuse from other scientists. Science has done its utmost to prevent whatever science has done.

~ Charles Fort, Lo! (1932)

OBE-like dreams

Took a nap during the day, while focused on the central channel without associating it to the body. Had pretty clear dreams. Thought of dream-training and started practising parkour in the town somewhere. While performing a somersault over a 4-lane road with a lot of traffic, I re-realized that I can probably fly. Popped into another environment (a lab of some sort), where I practised levitation ... through the doors. I took a piece of electronics and a few screws with me, which I tried to teleport to home. The teleportation seemed to have been successful, after which I ended up tailing an interesting person. It was the cloud of consciousness of someone (else). In turn, this consciousness was following another person. So, there was a train of three people, out of which two were "ghosts". At the head of the train, there was a man with a coat and glasses walking in front of a house, at around sunset (I guess). He looked stylish, and he was spiritually advanced as well. Suddenly, the second person in the train flared himself by condensing into human form. He was very fluent at this, as if he'd practised that for years.

Other than that, I've been growing nervous during the past few days. Need to work on a conference proceeding. There's still about 3 weeks left until the deadline.

Life is Strange Indeed

The inspiration continued. Stumbled on "Life Is Strange" in my Steam Library. Had bought it at a discount. I'm amazed at how immersive games can be even without any VR gear. I've seen only a handful movies that have touched that deeply. This is the only game that has gone that deep and that personal. Somewhat creepy, even. It was very difficult to crawl back out of it .. and try to fit in in the "outside" (the game that players like to call reality :) again. Empaths, beware!

Life Is Strange really excels at providing a wide variety of viewpoints to the same situations. Very much like Crash (2004) but as a video game.

While pondering about the lessons on Space-time in the game, I realized that the majority of the anime, movies I've watched and the games I've played recently .. they're all related. Even though I haven't consciously sought for time-travel, it has still ended up that way. A list:

• Life Is Strange (obvious, right?)
• Boku dake ga Inai Machi (almost like a reflection of Life Is Strange. These two are so alike that it's somewhat suspicious.)
• Steins;Gate
• Interstellar
• Project Almanac
• Final Fantasy XIII
• Divinity: Original Sin
• Transistor

Something obvious that I realized just today: the persistence of constructs also applies for the manipulation of space-time (duh, as it applies to psychokinesis in general). Well, that took me long. Anyway, this means that the more one fiddles with space-time, the less stable it becomes for everyone. Persistent space-time portals might be tricky, then. Because they would be basically like tiny black holes slowly desintegrating the fabric of reality around them. Father might be right in saying that teleportation must happen quickly.

In psychokinesis, so far I've had very few experiences of time manipulation. Way too few to learn enough first-hand. So I'm grateful to whatever I stumble upon =D.

Stainport

Have been missing a few cues. Rational mind has blocked illogical actions.

A few days ago the cat sped out as I opened the door to the stairway. Me: "NoOooO.o What?" The cat stopped. I carefully picked him up and transported him back indoors. Then closed the door and saw a large stain on the floor, which I did not see before. Apparently this was what the cat was sniffing. However, I found it really odd that I had not seen the stain there before .. as if it had appeared only after I had picked up the cat and closed the door. At first I thought the cat had pissed there, leaving the stain. Later when I thought about it a bit more, it seemed absurd because:

1. The stain was too big to have been caused within a second or less.
2. The cat does not piss on the floor like that.
3. The reflection of the stain indicated it was dry and had formed out of something sticky (as if someone had spilled a can of lemonade).

Since the moment that the stain appeared, everything felt slightly different .. as if I had popped from one realm into another. Well, gradually the event faded in memory and now (2 or 3 days later) I'm pretty much convinced I must have overlooked the stain as I had my attention on the cat.

Location

The stomach ache is gone, more-or-less. Concentration has improved nicely.

For the past few days I've been having issues with sexual energy. Today evening I tried moving it upwards by focusing on the pineal gland, 3rd eye or crown .. while listening to music from the laptop. After some concentration, I realized I had lost awareness of where I was (had no short-term memory of it). It felt as if I was at my desk at work (at least, that's how it felt with the elbows against the surface). Before opening the eyes, I put forth some effort into visualizing myself at home .. the feeling of the table and chair gradually changed. Opened the eyes when I was confident that I was at home. The eyes I kept closed just in case, because I'm not sure I would've been able to come back after seeing myself at another location.

Oh, another thing that I noticed during the concentration practice. The smell of air changed as well. Both places were dark, though. I'm glad the office is not under alarm. Though, it would've still been quite a problem if I had come to in a closed building 20 km from the town, with 2 meetings in the town tomorrow morning.

Teleportation-step

Cool fog. People wouldn't notice if someone disappeared or appeared.

While on my way home, I realized that my former fear about teleporting into another time is without foundation. When one visits a place and visualizes it, then a part of their consciousness is there. The lack of time-alteration is default simply because we are used to the idea that's how this reality works. Thus, it would rarely be a problem.

Then had an idea of how to train teleportation in a way that seems rather safe. While walking (and I walk a lot), I would visualize on stepping into another place (as if through a portal). Each time I take a step with my right foot, I would visualize stepping into an area close to my destination. This practice got my psi / energy moving around nicely. It needs more focus and more practice for it to have any other effect, but that's okay :)

Cow with an aching stomach

A lot of chat with sister. Saw into her yesterday (empathy, telepathy). Finally understood one of the ideas behind her business plans and found it ingenious.

Had an interesting dream last night:

---

I was near the summerhouse with a friend. Not sure what we were doing there, but I remember that we were in a happy mood. Then one of the cows from the pasture started moaning with a really depressive sound. Didn't know what to do or what was wrong. Started walking towards the cow.

Another cow came back from the pasture. This cow was special because it could speak to humans and worked as a link between the cows and humans. It told us that the cow had an aching stomach and that he/she/it would take an apple for the cow with stomach problems.

My logic contradicted with that. The apple was half-ripe and it was from a sweet apple tree. To me it seemed that this would only cause gas and would make stomach problems worse. However, I also remembered that previously I have ignored what was suggested by the cow and acted from logic. My logic has usually made matters worse. The thing is that these cows would step aside if I were to do something myself. They were there for the default operations as well as for providing me with info.

So, I said to the cow: "sure, go ahead." The cow ran back to the herd. Cow moaning stopped. The cow who could speak to humans, shouted some parameter values (acronymes and mysterious units). Someone else shouted back: "Good job! That's well within the norms."

I was amazed and yet it seemed logical that cows can solve their own problems the best. My logic doesn't have to apply there.

---

I suspect that for me, a cow symbolizes a being from the non-physical planes. The cow who could speak to humans probably symbolized a translation layer between the physical and non-physical planes.

A lot of chat with sister again.

Edit: Remembered that at night I heard dad cough in his room (next to mine). Uhm .. and in the morning I realized that he was still on Saaremaa. Either I was still half-dreaming or dad was also sleep-teleporting.

Great change

Two dreams from last night:

---

Dream 1: Choir decoding

There was an old man with a vertical white-black-white gradient beard. The man was a great composer for choir music, who also directed the choirs. However, he was not well known because he only manifested a body when his mission needed it.

We were enjoying the choir music. At some moment, I realized that all of the songs had an encoded message (occasionally the pitch changed a little, sometimes there were unconventional transitions from one note to another and so on).

When the concert ended, the bearded man disappeared again (undid his physical form). He had conveyed the message and all of us had received it.

The message was about a great change.

---

Dream 2: Conspiracy

I guess I observed some people again (not in their physical form). There was a guy and a girl, who were working to reveal a corruption scheme. A lot of phasing, levitation, time manipulation, mind reading, etc. Fun to observe, but I must have associated myself with the guy, for I felt fear. However, he didn't. He just aced it all.

---

I wonder what's going on with all the butterflies. Before the vacation, a butterfly leaped into an empty dessert bowl right when I put it on the table. During the 1.5 weeks that I spent on Saaremaa, I got a butterfly and a moth stuck to my pants. Also, one night when I closed the laptop lid, I accidentally squished a clothes moth between the display and speaker grill.

A couple of days ago I practised being humble while not feeling sad or depressed. Felt sorry for myself. Anyway, while coming back at the table with something from the fridge, the plate made a loud sound (as if it had fallen to the floor and become fractured). However, the plate was still on the table and seemed okay .. with the exception of a fracture, which I hadn't noticed before.

Thanks to synchronicity, got hold of "Your body's telling you: Love yourself!" by Lise Bourbeau while on my way back to Tartu. A really good book. It describes various diseases as well as their physical, emotional and spiritual causes.

Back in Tartu, dad told an interesting story:

---

A couple of days ago he leaned against the edge of the kitchen sink and somehow dozed off. He visualized himself standing next to the gas stove (about a meter away from the sink), touching the ignition button. The ignition fired, he startled awake while still leaning against the edge of the sink.

---

He also told about a dream he had, in which he read a foreign newspaper (Swedish? Finnish?). Apparently, Andi had somehow become famous in Denmark. Someone had shot a documentary about country life or something and Andi just happened to be on it. Let's see .. shall keep my eyes open.

Kaspar sleep-teleported

Focus on the left channel + upward flow of psi has improved empathy. It has become a lot easier to feel the surroundings again.

Have been feeling tired, tho. Have slept a lot.

Watched a few pk music videos with Kaspar. He disappeared several times today. Whistled a signal to which he responded, thanks to which I found him easily.

The first time I found him on top of a tree, gazing at the sunset. Also climbed the tree, not very happy about the tree. It's one of the most dangerous trees and not very easy to climb. It barely has enough branches to grab or hang from and it grows out from a stone wall.

The pasture land and field are separated with a stone wall. The next time I found him laying on the stone wall. Walked past him, to find a spot to also lay down and stare at the sky .. just like he was doing. Thought I had found the spot. Laid down but it made me grunt - a lot of rocks pushing against me, which made it uncomfortable. Walked back to Kaspar and told him that sleeping on the stone wall requires skill. Sought for another spot, found a better one this time. Laid down, observed the sky. A bird or a bat flew over, with a whoosh. Eventually mosquitoes started bugging me. Tried visualizing a shield to keep them off. I think it almost worked. When I heard other children coming, I stood up and walked past them, back to Kaspar.

I thought Kaspar had switched places on the stone wall or something. He was in another place, like 30 meters from the previous location. It turned out he had simply fallen asleep and I woke him up. He thought he had always been at the location he was now.

Next to the stone wall, there's an electrified fence. At some places, the wire has worn out and there's a periodic arcing.

His new location was on the stone wall, right next to one of the corners of the electrified fence that was arcing. Thus, I suspect he might've dozed off while focused on the arcing sound. With his consciousness moved to another place, his body must have followed somehow. Is teleportation really that simple?

Wow, Kaspar never ceases to amaze me. He wasn't too enthusiastic about it, tho. He was cold.

Seat 35 of 29

While writing an e-mail yesterday, we lost the internet connection when I typed the sentence: "Though, I can't guarantee that I have an internet access." Saw the network provider service car - probably some maintenance going on.

Asked if there were still a few free seats on the bus to Saaremaa. Bought a ticket, got seat no. 35. The number made me wonder if there were that many seats on the bus. As it turned out, the bus featured 29 seats. A lot of people but somehow we managed to fit on the bus.

There was barely any air to breathe on the bus, which made me sleepy. Tried to teleport a horse fly out of the window. No good .. all attempts failed (none of the methods worked).

On departure, the sound from the bus motor made me wonder if the bus could handle that many people. 20 km from the harbour, the transmission belt gave up. A replacement bus arrived in an hour or so. It barely made it on time for the next ferry.

While waiting for the other bus, I felt the urge to speak to someone, out of boredom. A heavy-man had caught my attention. But then thought, perhaps should pick a girl to chat with. *The heavy-man walks to a girl and starts a chat*
Apparently had already shared consciousness with the heavy-man.

On the bus I started reading the "Bible of the Undead", which I found fascinating. Thanks a lot, pewep!

Mages vs mages

Yesterday while entering the kitchen for supper, I had a flashback: A sunrise, I'm in the field when an UFO descends onto the grass.

Last night I had a dream of a video game about mages vs. mages during the medieval times. There was a fortified town with a castle. Somewhere in the castle, there was a room with some sort of a cube (looked like a crystal), which we had to obtain. The cube was protected by other genius wizards. The game was all about outwitting other players by inventing advanced constructs and using them in inventive ways. -- the dream seems very similar to the Gaia comics.

The three of us had planned the attack to details. The plan was to infiltrate the castle to somehow get past a few shields and security installations. Once inside, we spread out to perform our individual tasks until some specific time when we would meet again. So far everything had gone as planned. I was waiting, the other two mages arrived. However, the master mage defending the castle had somehow exposed us and sent a bunch of mages to imprison us.

We had not anticipated this scenario and thus, my preparations for stealing the cube were pretty much useless. Had to improvise real quick. Considered the freedom of the three of us a higher priority than the cube. Teleported the three of us to a safe room somewhere far enough. Then thought what I could still do with the preparations that I had done for stealing the cube.

The crystal cube was in a room where the temperature distribution of the room was being monitored. I had managed to prepare a few shields around the cube and got the idea to remotely try to create a portal between the cube and the floor (between the two surfaces, there didn't seem to be any alarm mechanisms). Managed to create a point of hi-density psi between the two surfaces and started to stretch it to the extents of the cube .. remotely (just by visualizing the room, the objects and spells). Teleported the cube, the other 2 mages were very impressed, however, the dream had become very faint already.

Split-second lifetime

Tried Trataka on a small light source in the dark (reflection of projector clock). Eyes really started to hurt and water. The light source is dim enough and hasn't caused any problems before. Probably the new laptop with LED backlight has performed eye surgery again - didn't use an external monitor at work.

Had a dream, where me and some psionics friend were walking through a suburb of some sort. There were old broken buildings to our left and a fence to our right. The place felt a bit eerie and we were alert. I passed by the window of an old building and noticed that the whole floor of a small room was covered in small bones. The bones seemed remarkably clean white, as if glowing slightly. Told about my find to the friend, who was with me. He couldn't see anything there. When I looked back, neither did I. We were about to turn around the corner, but he decided to check it out one more time. Observed him observe the room. I didn't see a thing (he just walked there and back), but when he came back, he told me about his conversation with an entity there.

Although this dream was already taking place in a subtle layer of consciousness, it turned out that there were whole layers more subtle than this one. Each split-second in this dream world, at more subtle layers of our consciousness we were processing a lot of information.

As he had gone there and checked it out alone, the entity taught him what he needed to know and blessed him because he realized what was going on. He was given the task to then help me realize it as well.

As he described his experience, I realized that while I glanced over the bones, I also had had a several hours long session of discussions and learning. Gradually remembered what it was about. In the dream, I had been given all the wisdom I had wished for. Suddenly I saw everything differently and energy manipulation, levitation, teleportation, etc. .. all these had now become rather effortless.

It's exactly the same way in this material reality. Each split-second, each cubic femtometer is so tightly packed with information that we ignore daily. Sometimes the emergence of new info ripples as an anomaly in our surface mind. I wonder what and how quickly would we really learn if we learned to pay attention.

Somehow saw myself really small (simply the rest of me is a gigantic hole .. as if chomped away) in my mind today. I recognized my current self as just a dust particle of a gigantic object. No wonder I'm often not satisfied with what I'm able to do. It's actually more of a wonder that I've managed to do anything at all in the current form. If just a dust particle is almost able to live up to what it would expect of the whole gigantic being, then that must be some willpower. Visualized the part that I felt I was missing and touched it, tried to feel it and become it. It is so thick, dense and energy-packed that already touching it and somewhat feeling it seems like a great deal.

Yaay, 20 *C in sunlight. It was too hot to walk even with a fleece .. took it off and continued with just a T-shirt. Birds chirping pretty but no leaves on the trees, ice on the channel and just barely a hint of green grass.

Interesting shift of consciousness today. I was looking slightly upwards, towards the blackboard when consciousness snapped lower in such a way that the images from both perspectives were sort of blended together (fading transition between two camera angles or something). However, the body didn't move .. I moved, relative to the body reference frame. Hmm .. or the whole world moved in the reference frame of my consciousness..?

Yesterday morning I thought of teleporting next to the school building. A car came to pick me up from there. Anyway, I tried to acquire the feeling of the platform next to the school building. It troubled me that the feeling was the same as it was in autumn. I thought time should have made enough a difference. At least, when I compared the feeling with that of the town and that of my surroundings. A couple of times, the target became pretty vivid in the mind's eye. A couple of times, I became aware of the whole town for a split-second. Realized that from this sort of awareness, picking a target spot and time for teleportation wouldn't be difficult at all. A lot of people .. didn't increase the focus enough to teleport. However, when I arrived at the target spot on foot, I noticed that the feeling was indeed correct. It felt pretty much exactly the same as it did a few months ago .. as if nothing had changed there.

Pick your reality

A pretty wild dream.

There were 3 of us in an old barn building, when one of the guys indicated that there were soldiers around the building. Sneaked to a wall and peeked out. Recognized friends. One of them aimed a machine gun at the building. I told the others to run for it .. however, it didn't make any sense because there was nowhere to run. We were surrounded. The two were shot. I popped out of that place.

Woke up in what reminded me of the living room at the summerhouse. There was nobody there, except for a construct. The construct reminded me of my aunt, but the construct was not her, it was just a somewhat robotic presence in the room. It notified me that my escape was unsuccessful, because there were soldiers all around this building as well.

I did not want to engage in a fight. I was so tired of all those shooting and killing dreams. Thought "No! This is not my reality." Focused on what I thought was my reality. Noticed that there was no geisting that would've stopped me from applying full concentration. The field started to vibrate. The vibrations and noise became unbearably loud (just like OBE vibrations). As the vibrations grew, that reality fell apart into void .. as if sucked into me. A lot of alternate realities emerged, alternating at a high frequency. The vibrations and noise were still there. Some of these alternate realities had a different time frame (in some, there was a dark candle-lit room from the medieval ages, in some, there was the same summerhouse with slight differences).

Tried to remember the reality that I came from. Wanted to trace it back and out of the dreams. Couldn't remember. So, I just took what felt like the closest match. Kept moving focus towards the closest match. The closest match moved closer and closer to this reality. The image became sharper and sharper. That shelf, that wallpaper, that cabinet with flower growing on top. This reality was the brightest and the least gloomy. This one still had future. Woke up at 1 AM (just an hour of sleep).

With or without the body

Somewhere between the dreams, there was a bilocation experience. Sensed myself being transferred to grandma's house. Heard the sounds there and stuff already, could almost see myself in their living room. Still, teleportation sort of has me frightened - what if it really happened.. I might end up in some weird parallel universe at some strange timeline, unable to find my way back. This fear was also there this time. At first I let the experience unfold, then at some moment I tried to remember what this apartment looked like. Opened the eyes while the consciousness was still spread between the two places and found myself back at the apartment.

Now that I think back on it, the target location is different. There's no bed in that corner of the living room. There used to be. Now there's a home-built plane simulator. Thus, I would've popped into some alternate reality. However, this teleportation might've left the body at the apartment. Though, it's a bit difficult for me to tell the difference when something works on the astral or on the real body. The difference in the sensations seems very subtle.

Paperbend

Had been feeling rather tired for the last few days. Took a daily nap, while trying to maintain focus on the crown. A few hours after the nap, some psi channels became unclogged. A lot of motivational content for the rest of the day.

Owltwelve posted on his latest levitation and teleportation progress. Can't express all my excitement.

Found this blog: http://www.teleportation-101.blogspot.com/
Really inspiring posts.
Edit: a youtube playlist of a teleportation seminar.

It's been a while since I last directly trained pk. Took a random piece of paper on the table and balanced it in such a way that a part of the paper would hang in the air off the edge of the table. Lifted the edge of the paper, then bent it downwards several times, but didn't manage to make it fall off the table. Targeted an old printer fan on the other table. Wanted to have it spin, but it just twitched on the table, making snapping sounds. Pk training is very good for focus practice.

Disassembled, cleaned and reassembled the laptop today morning. The inverter is still busted, though. Well, at least, found out what was wrong with bluetooth. The antenna coax had been ripped off with a piece of copper from the PCB. No clue as to how that could've happened. So, the cable has been dangling around on the motherboard for years, possibly causing short-circuits here and there.

Cookies in the oven

In general, I've been pretty happy today.

While walking home, I tried to keep focus on the light that permeates all. Noticed that I can't see the light in the distance, just near me. Remembered that was also the case a couple of years ago. So, perhaps this light does not originate from the outside at all? Looked at my hand and found it to be faintly glowing this light. Noticed the tendency to think of what the experience was like two years ago. Mind wandered a bit too close to this old tendency .. instant darkness, no self-confidence, no signs of progress. Tried to climb out again.. "No, I'll not become what I used to be. I'll go far beyond that."

Being hungry, I visited the department store, cooked something nice, sat at the laptop while chewing and bit my tongue 2 times. Wasn't happy about that.

If you're trying to change you, incorporate this change into every aspect of your life. This way there's less chance of the mind clinging to old habits and slipping back. Don't let it slip .. the previous you is not you anymore.

This change has propagated into the dreams and helped me there as well. Previously there used to be wet dreams; moments when I was not aware enough to maintain the cultivated energy. More recently, there have been numerous tantra success events .. focusing real hard on a pre-chosen point when a wet dream is about to happen, which redirects the energy so that it is not lost. A few nights ago, I thought it was not as successful - I was tired within the dream and a bit late with this reflex of focusing on the crown. On the other hand, this allowed me to experience the whole process step by step. Previously I had thought the wet dream would start from the mind and then propagate to the body, after which there's no holding back anymore. However, the redirection of the fluids into the nerve system is more physical and more literal than I used to think. Also, it seems that this sharp focus more like teleports the fluids up to the crown, rather than causing them to propagate up the spine and through the brain. This also caused some confusion earlier.

In one of the recent dreams, I had gotten a new body. Met a couple of friends, who wanted to test it out. I was busy doing something, while they dragged out a howitzer and started firing at me. Didn't pay much attention to them at first. Finished what I had been doing and told them that it probably wasn't a very good idea. Should have the body gradually become used to it. They let me go and I was relieved. By that time, they had fired 5 shots, all of which had barely missed.

In another dream, I tried to move like Boston Dynamics Wildcat. Got to go pretty fast, but while at it, I guess the dream body shapeshifted. When I stopped and opened the door at the summerhouse, I found myself in a human body without clothes.

Yesterday evening there was a large jolt of consciousness within the physical body. Jolts this large have been pretty rare so far.