Deep and personal

Took a nap during the day. In one of the dreams, there was a huge construction work going on for me. Huge fields of planned buildings, terraces, bridges and what not. A guy who had planned most of it, mentioned an issue that once the bridge would be nearly finished, it would make it difficult for the cement truck to approach a specific sector on the construction place. There was a crane to my right, for lifting bridge blocks. Although I could constantly feel the danger of my actions (very easy to fall or to cause something to fall apart), I decided to do something that I hadn't done before. I climbed the crane and started pulling a couple of pole structures closer to the crane (perhaps to make room for the cement truck to approach from this side?). There was some sort of a mechanism that locked the poles so that they wouldn't fall over. Strangely enough, it only locked into place when I let go (seemed like a very dangerous thing to do, at least according to the rational mind). Did this several times, until I had moved the poles close enough.

After reading Torres' books and two Castaneda's ones, Castaneda's "Journey to Ixtlan" has made me feel uneasy for several times (unlike the previous books). Ego often feels threatened by the stories. While reading / listening, I've somehow gotten so deep into it that it has started to feel very personal. At times I've considered leaving the old man rambling and to just start walking away in a random direction. The one who retreats from a pointless argument is the wiser one .. or at least, that's how I've been taught. However, in this occasion, retreating would mean giving up the chance to change myself. From this perspective, it would be wiser to sit it through, observing all emotions that may surface during the argument and not give in to any. Then, perhaps the old man starts to feel stupid instead .. ego thinks. This is all stupid, though, because I'm only listening to an audio book and logically there should be no reason for the ego to feel offended whatsoever .. because the book is in no way related to the ego. Very interesting reactions, in my opinion .. definitely worth recapitulating.