Parfume

Have been sleeping a lot, and taking it easy for the last couple of days.

During a short meditation nap today, I noticed discomfort and slight pain in the stomach area. Focused there, trying to keep the area of focus soft, gentle and warm. A strong smell of parfume appeared in the nose. The smell slowly faded away when I spread the consciousness again.

..
Haven't actually thought about intensity and emotions like this:

Used to think intensity was harmful for the body and electronics, no matter what kind of intensity it was.

Division of consciousness

Slept most of the day off, because it was finally possible to do that again.

A couple of OBEs.

Appeared near the channel in one of these. Sight was normal and very clear. Knew I was floating there without a body, so I flew around as a blob of consciousness would. It looked as if it were raining a few hundred meters into the distance. Wanted to go and experience the feeling of rainfall through me. Also noticed hi-voltage lines to my right. Wanted to experience the feeling of electricity running through the cloud of consciousness. The consciousness probably gradually split or something, and the OBE faded away.

Rant and geisting

Felt pretty lightweight, compared to previous days.

Yesterday night I found myself having an unhealthy perspective on things. Looked at the perspective, which then took a specific shape and form in the mind .. and dissolved after a while.

Participated in the today from a not-too-happy-tense perspective. Some geisting because of that .. problems with network connections, getting blocked from some servers, etc.

The main problem at work: "Let's just hacky hard-code it and then rewrite it later when there's more time."

This has taken me weeks to explain that this is not how good software is designed. Difficult to describe it to management guys, who haven't had experience in developing larger systems nor coding much. And the more I speak with them, the more they want me to be involved. On the other hand, it's not my task to steal valuable lessons from other people. Should just let them do whatever they want, even if it would cost them several years to acquire the experience.

Fine flame

Hmm .. reading Grengoshi's journal on the forum made me feel happy. At the same time, a fine flame reached the head from the central channel. Felt the flame behind the eyeballs.

By fine flame, I mean a sensation of heat that spreads in shapes that has small details. That is, at one end of 1 mm, it can feel cold and on the other end, it can feel really really hot. This fire seems faster, hotter and less viscosity.

Previously, the heat has usually been coarse, slow and thick (more viscose).

Interesting..

Why's it so looong?

The white skeleton meditation has become rather popular on the forum. Though, for me it has seemed rather tough .. and didn't like it much, because it takes so much time and rarely do I have the time. Unless it's at the expense of sleep deprivation. Also, there's so many of these bones .. and got to work through all of them .. :(

Anyway, started with it again. Sat into the full lotus pose and started focusing through the bones, visualizing them starting glowing and emitting light. Noticed waves of heat propagating up the body, as I went from bone to bone. Listened to music while performing this.

Decided to stop at some moment, because it had become stressful for the body to maintain the pose. Started feeling really hungry too. Checked the time .. it's been 2 hours and I still have 1/3 of the bones to go. Even so, I skimmed through most of the bones in a hurry .. that is, did not do it the way it should be done. So, most likely one proper session of the white skeleton meditation would take not just a few hours but at least one full day. Can't afford that now. Have to go to bed and need to wake up early tomorrow morning, to catch transport for work.

After some time of focus, I noticed that the bones became dark blue. Similar to like when staring at a lamp for too long, then an area of sight is darkened. When I "looked" or focused away and back again, then I saw the bones still glowing.

Also noticed that some bones caused a global flash (blinded the sight of all other bones for a moment), or released pain while holding the consciousness focused on them.

Realized a couple of things, which are actually pretty obvious:

• It's not the distraction that distracts the mind, it is the mind that becomes distracted. That is, when the mind wandered, that's when I noticed those strong itchy sensations or feeling of discomfort, hunger, etc. The same with music .. it's not distracting, until the mind steps on it.
• The white skeleton meditation is not about "reaching the finish line," or getting through all the bones. It's the process that matters the most.
• It works best when each bone is kept in focus until absorption, in which case it starts emitting light on its own and the flow of energy moves the consciousness to the next bone.
• The mind's eye (seeing the bones) as well as the feedback from this meditation can be trusted a lot more than the memory of anatomy. If there's no bone or important neighbouring bones have been missed, then the bones won't heat up and won't start glowing.

It seems that for me there's still a long way to go before I can properly practice the white skeleton meditation.

Ah, right. Remembered I haven't eaten pretty much anything since breakfast.

Poured over with coffee

An incident that I had forgotten.

During a coffee break at Nelijärve, we were chatting about anime with another guy. Suddenly his hand jerked and I was poured over with coffee. No feelings then. About half an hour later or so, I started feeling rather uncomfortable (as well as suddenly had problems with SVN, laptop lagging, mouse stopped working, touchpad acted weird, etc.) .. until I had gone for a swim and changed the clothes. After that, everything was back to normal again.

To me, this incident looked as if there were an entity observing the conversation. And that entity did not like me yapping about anime. As an effort to make me shut my mouth, it jerked the other guy's hand in their body.

Or maybe geisting?

Noticed the similarities to how black magic works.

Reality in a bubble

Haven't seen any more of those crappy dreams.

Workshop at a nice place in the nature: Nelijärve. For several hours during the first night, I couldn't sleep .. just spent it in a meditative state.

An interesting feeling the next day .. saw the world from a different angle. This made the reality feel really dream-like and bubbly, similar to that in the post of Lucid reality. This time it was different, though, since the change in viewpoint seemed permanent.

Felt tired, but occasionally managed to see it as a matter of perspective.